Telh's Writing Page-

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Your brain does many things when going to sleep. One example of the things your brain does is erases non-needed information out of your brain. According to the text it states, " get rid of irrelevant memories".This shows that the memories that are irrelevant too you get erased from your mind storage and create more space for better thinking. This also helps you not to get distract from irrelevant memories that you don't need to keep in your mind. Another example of the things your brain does is help kids grow taller. The text states,"and even helps kids grow taller". This shows that when you sleep you will slowly get taller. In conclusion your brain does many things when you sleep.


Your brain does many things when going to sleep.

      • Edited for clarity: Your brain does many things when you go to sleep.
      • Just to clarify, it is you as a whole going to sleep, not the brain, so you want to add that in the sentence.


One example of the things your brain does is erases non-needed information out of your brain.

      • Edited for vocabulary and grammar: One example of the things your brain does is it erases unnecessary information from your brain.
      • Add "it" to clarify that the subject of the sentence is the "brain" → "of the things your brain does" is an optional part of the sentence, so you can take it out to see if the rest of your sentence makes sense → "One example... is it erases..." (correct) VS. "One example... is erases..." (incorrect). "Non-needed" → "unnecessary." Usually, you erase something "from" your brain.


According to the text it states, " get rid of irrelevant memories".

      • Edited for fluidity, grammar (quotation mark and period), spacing, and capitalization: The text states, "Get rid of irrelevant memories."
      • In your original sentence, you should add a comma after "according to the text," but you don't need this part anyway. I suggest you add in a bit more of the quote because this quote is kind of insufficient on its own unless you add your own words to the sentence. No space between the first quotation mark and the word after it. Capitalize the first word of the quote. Period goes inside the quotation mark.


This shows that the memories that are irrelevant too you get erased from your mind storage and create more space for better thinking.

      • Edited for spelling and fluidity and clarity: This shows that the memories that are irrelevant to you get erased from your brain, which creates more space for useful information.
      • "To" is misspelled. Replace "mind storage" with "brain" ("mind storage" is a confusing term). Use "which" instead of "and" because you're describing the result/effect of irrelevant information being erased. Replace "better thinking" with "useful information."


This also helps you not to get distract from irrelevant memories that you don't need to keep in your mind.

      • Edited for fluidity and vocabulary: This also prevents you from getting distracted by irrelevant memories.
      • You can make this sentence more concise. Use "prevents" instead of "helps you not to" (too wordy). "That you don't need to keep in your mind" is unnecessary because you already use the word "irrelevant."


Another example of the things your brain does is help kids grow taller. The text states,"and even helps kids grow taller".

      • Edited for fluidity and quotation (spacing and period): Another example of the things your brain does is it "helps kids grow taller."
      • Again, the second sentence is insufficient standing on its own, so you can combine these two sentences. In the first sentence, you already write "help kids grow taller," so it is repetitive to quote that again in the second sentence.


This shows that when you sleep you will slowly get taller.

      • Edited for comma: This show that when you sleep, you will slowly get taller.
      • Add a comma after "sleep."


In conclusion your brain does many things when you sleep.

      • Edited for comma: In conclusion, your brain does many things when you sleep.
      • Add a comma after "conclusion."


Final Edited Version: Your brain does many things when you go to sleep. One example of the things your brain does is it erases unnecessary information from your brain. The text states, "Get rid of irrelevant memories." This shows that the memories that are irrelevant to you get erased from your brain, which creates more space for useful information. This also prevents you from getting distracted by irrelevant memories. Another example of the things your brain does is it "helps kids grow taller." This show that when you sleep, you will slowly get taller. In conclusion, your brain does many things when you sleep.


      • Overall, good job! Please work on your commas and quotation mark (spacing and period). Also, avoid citing incomplete quotes unless you can write more to make it a complete sentence.

Edited by Ashley Leung