Gama's Writing Page
Ms. March seems like a very kind, reliable and gentle person because of the her actions. In the text, it states, "Mrs. March gave the mother tea and gruel, and comforted her with promises of help...". This shows to me that Ms. March is kind and reliable because she promises to help the mother and she also gives her tea. These show acts of kindness. According to the text it states, " 'I thought you'd do it,' said Mrs. March, smiling as if satisfied. 'You shall all go and help me, and when we come back we will have bread and milk for breakfast, and make it up at dinnertime.' " As you can see Ms March has a gentle personality because she doesn't yell at the girls or force them to do her bidding. She is gentle and she is kind when she is talking to the girls.
For fluidity, clarity: Mrs. March is a very kind, reliable, and gentle person, as her actions portray. She is such characteristics and her actions show that. She is not those characteristics because of her actions.
For structure: In the text, it states, "Mrs. March gave the mother tea and gruel, and comforted her with promises of help..." I just added another comma!
For clarity: This shows that Mrs. March is kind and reliable because she promises to help another person, even if she does not gain anything. You should add a little more in-depth reasoning behind your statements.
For clarity, fluidity: These actions show kindness.
According to the text it states, 'I thought you'd do it,' said Mrs. March, smiling as if satisfied. 'You shall all go and help me, and when we come back we will have bread and milk for breakfast, and make it up at dinnertime.' Good work on this quote!
For clarity, fluidity, structure: As you can see, Mrs. March has a gentle personality; she doesn't yell at the girls or force them to do her bidding. She is kind while she is talking to the girls.
Fully Edited Summary: Mrs. March is a very kind, reliable, and gentle person, as her actions portray. In the text, it states, "Mrs. March gave the mother tea and gruel, and comforted her with promises of help..." This shows that Mrs. March is kind and reliable because she promises to help another person, even if she does not gain anything. These actions show kindness. According to the text it states, 'I thought you'd do it,' said Mrs. March, smiling as if satisfied. 'You shall all go and help me, and when we come back we will have bread and milk for breakfast, and make it up at dinnertime.' As you can see, Mrs. March has a gentle personality; she doesn't yell at the girls or force them to do her bidding. She is kind while she is talking to the girls.
Good work on this, just try for a better conclusion sentence next time. Also, one quote referred to her as "Mrs" not "Ms", so I had to change that.
Beth was scared because of her turn to sit in the chair. In the text it states, “ ‘I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see you all come marching round to give the presents, with a kiss.’” This shows us that Beth was frightened by her turn to sit in the chair with the crown on her birthday. According to the text it states, “ I liked the things and the kisses, but it was dreadful to have you sit looking at me while I opened the bundles,’ said Beth, who was toasting her face and the bread for tea at the same time.“ As you can see Beth uses the term “dreadful” so this shows us that it was hard to open the bundles while her family looks at her.
Beth was scared of when it was her turn to sit in the chair.
This sentence is correct but try to give more context in your introduction sentence. It is not very clear otherwise.
In the text, it states, "I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see you all come marching round to give the present, with a kiss."
For grammar, clarity: This shows us that Beth was frightened when it was her turn to sit in the chair, with the crown, on her birthday.
According to the text it states, "I liked the things and the kisses, but it was dreadful to have you sit looking at me while I opened the bundles,' said Beth, who was toasting her face and the bread for tea at the same time."
Excellent job with the quotation marks!
As you can see, Beth uses the term "dreadful". This shows us that it was hard to open the bundles while her family looks at her.
Fully Edited Summary: Beth was scared of when it was her turn to sit in the chair. In the text, it states, "I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see you all come marching round to give the present, with a kiss." This shows us that Beth was frightened when it was her turn to sit in the chair, with the crown, on her birthday. According to the text it states, "I liked the things and the kisses, but it was dreadful to have you sit looking at me while I opened the bundles,' said Beth, who was toasting her face and the bread for tea at the same time." As you can see, Beth uses the term "dreadful". This shows us that it was hard to open the bundles while her family looks at her.
Your sentences were great! My main critique would be that you need to add deeper analysis after the quote. You tend to restate the quote in your own words.
- Edited by Hailey
Demi is loving and caring, the soul and body worked perfectly together. For example, the text states, " The natural refinement which nothing but home influence can teach, gave him sweet and simple manners: his mother had cherished an innocent and loving heart in him". This shows us how Demi is caring and sweet with his manners because of influence and his mom has cherished an innocent and a very kind heart in Demi. According to the text it states, "his father had watched over the physical growth of his boy, and kept the little body straight and strong on wholesome food and exercise and sleep" As you can see his dad has watched over his physical body of Demi, which is also how the soul and the body work peacefully with each other.
For grammar: Demi is loving and caring; his soul and body worked perfectly together.
I added a semi-colon because these are two (related) full sentences
For example, the text states, "The natural refinement which nothing but home influence can teach, gave him sweet and simple manners: his mother had cherished an innocent and loving heart in him."
For clarity, fluidity: This shows us how Demi is caring and sweet with his manners because of the influence of his mother, who cherished the innocent and kind heart in Demi.
According to the text it states, "His father had watched over the physical growth of his boy, and kept the little boy straight and strong on wholesome food and exercise and sleep."
For grammar: As you can see, his dad has watched over the physical body of Demi, which is also how the soul and body work peacefully with each other.
Fully Edited Summary: Demi is loving and caring; his soul and body worked perfectly together. For example, the text states, "The natural refinement which nothing but home influence can teach, gave him sweet and simple manners: his mother had cherished an innocent and loving heart in him." This shows us how Demi is caring and sweet with his manners because of the influence of his mother, who cherished the innocent and kind heart in Demi. According to the text it states, "His father had watched over the physical growth of his boy, and kept the little boy straight and strong on wholesome food and exercise and sleep." As you can see, his dad has watched over the physical body of Demi, which is also how the soul and body work peacefully with each other.
Great work on this!
- Edited by Hailey
The author uses personification by doing the same things to the plants as it happens to us humans too. For example, the text says "Then it was laid in water, as if it were to be drowned." Us humans drown in water to just like how the author is explaining that the flax was left in the water, left to be drowned. According to the text it states, " By experiencing evil as well as good we become wise." Flax says that the plants won't be smarter if they have no experience, since he has had experience he says he has been smarter because of it. When we make mistakes or mess something up because it's our first time doing that job that is going to our experience. Sure it's not like drowning or setting up in flames but still a problem is a problem and we will know how to solve it AFTER we mess up because NO ONE i s perfect and won't get everything right on their first try.
For clarity: The author uses personification by describing the actions of plants the same as the actions of humans.
For example, the text says "Then it was laid in water, as if it were to be drowned."
For clarity, fluidity: Humans drown in water, just like the flax that was left to drown in the water.
For structure: According to the text, it states, "By experiencing evil as well as good we become wise."
For clarity, fluidity: Flax says that the plants will not be smarter is they have no experience. Since he has the experience, he thinks he is smarter.
For fluidity: When we make mistakes or mess up something our first time, after that is our experience.
For fluidity: Sure, it's not like drowning or setting up in flames, but a problem is still a problem.
Great sentence! Just make sure you are avoiding run-on sentences
For fluidity, clarity: We will know how to solve the problem after we mess up because nobody is perfect and gets everything right on their first try!
Continue to put your voice into your work!
Fully Edited Summary: The author uses personification by describing the actions of plants the same as the actions of humans. For example, the text says "Then it was laid in water, as if it were to be drowned." Humans drown in water, just like the flax that was left to drown in the water. According to the text, it states, "By experiencing evil as well as good we become wise." Flax says that the plants will not be smarter is they have no experience. Since he has experience, he thinks he is smarter. When we make mistakes or mess up something our first time, after that is our experience. Sure, it's not like drowning or setting up in flames, but a problem is still a problem. We will know how to solve the problem after we mess up because nobody is perfect and gets everything right on their first try!
Good job!
- Edited by Hailey
The article is mainly about how the apple tree is feeling towards the flowers and the grass, the tree feels bad and brags about himself. In the text it states, " "Poor despised herbs," said the apple branch; "there is really a difference between them and such as I am. How unhappy they must be if they can feel as those in my position do!" This evidence shows us how the tree branch is feeling bad for the herbs and he is sort of mocking the herbs for being so short. The tree branch also is saying that the herbs would be happier if they were the same height as him. According to the text it states, " And the apple branch looked with a sort of pity upon them, especially on a certain little flower that is found in fields and in ditches. No one bound these flowers together, they were too common,—they were even known to grow between the paving stones, shooting up everywhere like bad weeds,—and they bore the very ugly name of "dog flowers," or "dandelions." " In short, the tree branch is also making fun of the flowers because of their ugly name. The tree branch also makes fun of the poor flower by saying the flowers grow everywhere like bad weeds.
For grammar: The article is mainly about how the apple tree is feeling towards the flowers and grass. The tree feels badly and brags about himself.
This was a run-on, so I split it into two sentences. Also, "bad" became "badly" because you are describing how the tree feels, which is a verb. Therefore "bad" had to turn into an adverb.
In the text it states, " "Poor despised herbs," said the apple branch; "there is really a difference between them and such as I am. How unhappy they must be if they can feel as those in my position do!"
For clarity, grammar: This evidence shows us how the tree branch is feeling badly for the other plants. He is sort of mocking the others for being so short.
The other organisms are not herbs, so I tried to be a little more clear. Also, this edit has the same concerns of the first edit.
For clarity: The tree branch also is saying that the flowers and grass would be happier if they were the same height as him.
According to the text it states, "And the apple branch looked with a sort of pity upon them, especially on a certain little flower that is found in fields and in ditches. No one bound these flowers together, they were too common,—they were even known to grow between the paving stones, shooting up everywhere like bad weeds,—and they bore the very ugly name of "dog flowers," or "dandelions."
In short, the tree branch is also making fun of the flowers because of their ugly name.
Great!
For clarity: The tree branch also insults the poor flower by saying the flowers grow everywhere like bad weeds.
Fully Edited Summary: The article is mainly about how the apple tree is feeling towards the flowers and grass. The tree feels badly and brags about himself. In the text it states, "Poor despised herbs," said the apple branch; "there is really a difference between them and such as I am. How unhappy they must be if they can feel as those in my position do!" This evidence shows us how the tree branch is feeling badly for the other plants. He is sort of mocking the others for being so short. The tree branch also is saying that the flowers and grass would be happier if they were the same height as him. According to the text it states, "And the apple branch looked with a sort of pity upon them, especially on a certain little flower that is found in fields and in ditches. No one bound these flowers together, they were too common,—they were even known to grow between the paving stones, shooting up everywhere like bad weeds,—and they bore the very ugly name of "dog flowers," or "dandelions." In short, the tree branch is also making fun of the flowers because of their ugly name. The tree branch also insults the poor flower by saying the flowers grow everywhere like bad weeds.
Good work on this!
- Edited by Hailey
Company might mean some sort of business. In the text it states, "I’ll tell if you will keep quiet a moment. Is the company full?”“What company?”“Captain Benson’s, of course.”“No.” “I want to join.” “You!” screamed Tom. “Come, come, Tom, no blackguarding now. You and I used to be good friends.” " This shows that the characters might be talking about a business. According to the text it states, " “I want to join the company.” “Is your father willing?" “Of course he isn’t; but that needn’t make any difference.”“But you don’t believe in our cause, Fred. We don’t want a traitor in the ranks.”" In short this evidence shows that Tom might want to join the company.
For clarity, fluidity: The word "company" might mean some sort of business.
Try and challenge yourself to write a good hook sentence, instead of just going right into information!
For structure: In the text, it states, "'I'll tell if you will keep quiet a moment. Is the company full?' 'What company?' 'Captain Benson's, of course.' 'No.' 'I want to join.' 'You!' screamed Tom. 'Come, come, Tom, no blackguarding now. You and I used to be good friends.'"
There are specific rules for quoting dialogue. Begin with a regular quotation mark ("), and then use one apostrophe (') to indicate that you are citing dialogue. Think of it this way: there are already quotation marks around the dialogue in the regular text, so it has to be a little different when you write it.
For grammar, clarity: This shows that the characters may be talking about a business.
For structure: According to the text, it states, "'I want to join the company.' 'Is your father willing?' 'Of course he isn't; but that needn't make any difference.' 'But you don't believe in our cause, Fred. We don't want a traitor in the ranks.'"
For clarity, accuracy, grammar: In short, this evidence suggests that Tom might want to join the company.
I do not follow this conclusion. The dialogue you chose would lead the reader to believe that it is Fred who wants to join the company.
Fully Edited Summary: The word "company" might mean some sort of business. In the text, it states, "'I'll tell if you will keep quiet a moment. Is the company full?' 'What company?' 'Captain Benson's, of course.' 'No.' 'I want to join.' 'You!' screamed Tom. 'Come, come, Tom, no blackguarding now. You and I used to be good friends.'" This shows that the characters may be talking about a business. According to the text, it states, "'I want to join the company.' 'Is your father willing?' 'Of course he isn't; but that needn't make any difference.' 'But you don't believe in our cause, Fred. We don't want a traitor in the ranks.'" In short, this evidence suggests that Tom might want to join the company.
Too much of your summary is quotes! I need to see more of your writing, opinion, and interpretation of the texts.
- Edited by Hailey
Snails were acting like humans in many different ways. The snails have adopted another snail just like how we adopt kids. For example, the text states, "Leading now a very quiet and happy life and having no children, they had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child."We adopt kids from an orphanage so the snails are also adopting a snail. The snails also have their own house so they won't get soaked in the rain. In the text it states, "I'm glad we have such good houses..." We live in houses because it shelters us from the rain and storm so the snails also have a house to use it as a shelter.
For clarity: The snails were acting like humans in many different ways.
Put "the" so the reader knows that you are referring to a specific group of snails!
For grammar: The snails adopted another snail, just like how we adopt kids.
For example, the text states, "Leading now a very quiet and happy life and having no children, they had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child."
For fluidity, clarity: We adopt kids from an orphanage, which is similar to how the snail without a family was adopted.
The snails also have their own house so they won't get soaked in the rain.
In the text, it states, "I'm glad we have such good houses..."
For clarity: We live in houses because it acts as a shelter from the wilderness, so it makes sense that the snails have a form of shelter also.
Fully Edited Summary: The snails were acting like humans in many different ways. The snails adopted another snail, just like how we adopt kids. For example, the text states, "Leading now a very quiet and happy life and having no children, they had adopted a little common snail, and had brought it up as their own child." We adopt kids from an orphanage, which is similar to how the snail without a family was adopted. The snails also have their own house so they won't get soaked in the rain. In the text, it states, "I'm glad we have such good houses...". We live in houses because it acts as a shelter from the wilderness, so it makes sense that the snails have a form of shelter also.
Good work!
- Edited by Hailey
The princesses were different because unlike the other 5 princesses the youngest one was curious, quiet and thoughtful. In the text it states, "One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid; but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams. " In short, the youngest one was clearly different from the rest. Her gardens had a sun and flowers however the other princesses had creatures from the sea. According to the text it states, "...while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks, she would have nothing besides the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy." Overall, the sisters had many decorations but the youngest one didn't. She would only have the sun and those flowers, also she would have a statue of a boy.
For grammar, clarity: One princess was different than the others because unlike the other 5 princesses, the youngest one was curious, quiet, and thoughtful.
In the text, it states, "One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid; but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams."
In short, the youngest one was clearly different from the rest.
Good!
For fluidity, grammar: Her garden had sun and flowers, while the other princesses had creatures from the sea.
According to the text, it states, "...while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from the wrecks, she would have nothing besides the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy."
For grammar: Overall, the sisters had many decorations, but the youngest one didn't.
Separate your sentence clauses with a comma (,)!
For fluidity, clarity: She would only have the sun, flowers, and the statue of the boy.
Fully Edited Summary: One princess was different than the others because unlike the other 5 princesses, the youngest one was curious, quiet, and thoughtful. In the text, it states, "One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid; but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams." In short, the youngest one was clearly different from the rest. Her garden had sun and flowers, while the other princesses had creatures from the sea. According to the text, it states, "...while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from the wrecks, she would have nothing besides the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy." Overall, the sisters had many decorations, but the youngest one didn't. She would only have the sun, flowers, and the statue of the boy.
Nice work!
- Edited by Hailey
Boston Dynamics'robots are helping during the pandemic by helping out the doctors in any way. For example, the text states, "... Spot helps doctors to speak to patients without coming in contact with them." As you know doctors cannot be in the same room as the patients because they might get the Covid-19 however Spot, the robot dog, has helped doctors speak to the patients without the doctors going in. According to the text it states, " Though this is Spot's first healthcare assignment, Boston Dynamics has been beta-testing the customizable robot for several other hazardous tasks since late 2019. These include helping Boston police detect bombs and assisting miners in troubleshooting problems from a safe distance." Overall, the robot dog also help with other dangerous jobs. If a job requires to go near another person, the robot dog could help with the quest.
For fluidity:Boston Dynamics' robots are helping during the pandemic by helping doctors stay safe.
For example, the text states, "...Spot helps doctors to speak to patients without coming in contact with them."
Great!
For clarity, fluidity: As you know, it is difficult for doctors to be in the same room as patients because of the threat of COVID-19. However, Spot, the robot dog, has helped doctors speak to the patients without the doctors going into an infected room.
According to the text, it states, "Though this is Spot's first healthcare assignment, Boston Dynamics has been beta-testing the customizable robot for several other hazardous tasks since late 2019. These include helping Boston police detect bombs and assisting miners in troubleshooting problems from a safe distance."
For grammar: Overall, the robot dog also helps with other dangerous jobs.
For clarity: If a job requires people to perform threatening tasks, the robot dog could help with the task.
Fully Edited Summary: Boston Dynamics' robots are helping during the pandemic by helping doctors stay safe. For example, the text states, "...Spot helps doctors to speak to patients without coming in contact with them." As you know, it is difficult for doctors to be in the same room as patients because of the threat of COVID-19. However, Spot, the robot dog, has helped doctors speak to the patients without the doctors going into an infected room. According to the text, it states, "Though this is Spot's first healthcare assignment, Boston Dynamics has been beta-testing the customizable robot for several other hazardous tasks since late 2019. These include helping Boston police detect bombs and assisting miners in troubleshooting problems from a safe distance." Overall, the robot dog also helps with other dangerous jobs. If a job requires people to perform threatening tasks, the robot dog could help with the task.
Nice work on this!
- Edited by Hailey
There are many ways to save our Earth from harm. For example, the text states, "The number of garbage trucks Americans fill each year would stretch halfway to the moon. Toilet paper tubes, made from cardboard, take two months to decompose in a landfill. A plastic bottle sticks around for way longer—it can take over 450 years to break down! But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter." In short, the trash that we throw out can be recycled if we use it properly, we can turn trash into beautiful master pieces. It will also decrease the harm it does to Earth. According to the text it states, " Researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees in the world are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own. Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen for people to breathe. They also provide shelter and food for animals such as squirrels and owls." Overall, when we cut down trees it reduces the oxygen we need and adds the carbon dioxide we DON'T need. Trees also provide the shelter animals need to stay safe. When we are cutting down trees, not only are we harming us and our kind we are harming the animals.
There are many ways to save our Earth from harm.
Good!
For example, the text states, "The number of garbage trucks Americans fill each year would stretch halfway to the moon. Toilet paper tubes, made from cardboard, take two months to decompose in a landfill. A plastic bottle sticks around for way longer—it can take over 450 years to break down! But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or flower planter."
For fluidity, clarity: In short, the trash we throw out can either be recycled or repurposed, perhaps into a beautiful trash masterpiece.
For fluidity, clarity: Doing this will also decrease the harm to Earth, as your garbage will not be building up in landfills.
According to the text, it states, "Researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees in the world are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own. Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen for people to breathe. They also provide shelter and food for animals such as squirrels and owls."
For grammar, clarity: Overall, when we cut down trees, it reduces the oxygen we need and increases the carbon dioxide we DON'T need.
Trees also provide the shelter animals need to stay safe.
Good!
For fluidity: When we are cutting down trees, not only are we harming mankind, we are also harming the animals.
Fully Edited Summary: There are many ways to save our Earth from harm. For example, the text states, "The number of garbage trucks Americans fill each year would stretch halfway to the moon. Toilet paper tubes, made from cardboard, take two months to decompose in a landfill. A plastic bottle sticks around for way longer—it can take over 450 years to break down! But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or flower planter." In short, the trash we throw out can either be recycled or repurposed, perhaps into a beautiful trash masterpiece. Doing this will also decrease the harm to Earth, as your garbage will not be building up in landfills. According to the text, it states, "Researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees in the world are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own. Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen for people to breathe. They also provide shelter and food for animals such as squirrels and owls." Overall, when we cut down trees, it reduces the oxygen we need and increases the carbon dioxide we DON'T need. Trees also provide the shelter animals need to stay safe. When we are cutting down trees, not only are we harming mankind, we are also harming the animals.
Great work on this!
- Edited by Hailey
There are ways that the people are celebrating Earth Day WITHOUT going outside. For example, the text states, " The Earth Day Network, in partnership with online climate activist organizations We Don't Have Time and Exponentialroadmap has planned the world's largest digital climate conference. From April 20 to April 24, 2020, over 100 experts from a wide range of industries and five continents will meet over the internet to discuss topics ranging from climate finance to food and agriculture to local government..." In short, many experts and different people from ALL around the world are doing a digital conference to talk about many things that are going around global. According to the text it states, "US Space Agency NASA is celebrating the momentous day with an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit. The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home. With schools still shuttered in many countries, educators are also getting creative..." Overall, there are kits for kids and adults to foresee how Earth Day would look like on a normal day, while staying at home.
For fluidity: There are many ways people are celebrating Earth Day WITHOUT going outside.
For example, the text states, "The Earth Day Network, in partnership with online climate activist organizations We Don't Have Time and Exponentialroadmap has planned the world's largest digital climate conference. From April 20 to April 24, 2020, over 100 experts from a wide range of industries and five continents will meet over the internet to discuss topics ranging from climate finance to food and agriculture to local government..."
For fluidity, clarity: In short, many experts and different people from ALL around the world are participating in a digital conference to discuss the many things that are occurring around the world.
Good summary of the quote, just try to elevate your vocabulary!
According to the text, it states, "US Space Agency NASA is celebrating the momentous day with an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit. The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home. With schools still shuttered in many countries, educators are also getting creative..."
Overall, there are kits for kids and adults to force how Earth Day would look like on a normal day, while staying at home.
Fully Edited Summary: There are many ways people are celebrating Earth Day WITHOUT going outside. For example, the text states, "The Earth Day Network, in partnership with online climate activist organizations We Don't Have Time and Exponentialroadmap has planned the world's largest digital climate conference. From April 20 to April 24, 2020, over 100 experts from a wide range of industries and five continents will meet over the internet to discuss topics ranging from climate finance to food and agriculture to local government..." In short, many experts and different people from ALL around the world are participating in a digital conference to discuss the many things that are occurring around the world. According to the text, it states, "US Space Agency NASA is celebrating the momentous day with an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit. The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home. With schools still shuttered in many countries, educators are also getting creative..." Overall, there are kits for kids and adults to force how Earth Day would look like on a normal day, while staying at home.
Excellent work on this!
- Edited by Hailey
There are many accomplishments that William achieved. In the text it states, "There, he talked shoppers into buying food — 1,400 pounds worth — to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." In short, William is helping kids over the spring break with other people. According to the text it states, "Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. He’s expanded his mission, too. With Alexander working as head of advertising, Food Drive Kids also provides emergency food relief to the community, has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." As you can see William is passionate about his goal and he has helped build 4 schools to give access to good food and had set up pantries for kids.
There are many accomplishments that William achieved.
In the text, it states, "There, he talked shoppers into buying food — 1,400 pounds worth — to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
For fluidity: In short, William is motivating others to help hungry students over spring break.
According to the text, it states, "Seven years later, he's collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. He's expanded his mission, too. With Alexander working as head of advertising, Food Drive Kids also provides emergency food relief to the community, has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."
For grammar: As you can see, William is passionate about his goal. He has helped build 4 schools and has set up pantries, all to give children access to good food.
Fully Edited Summary: There are many accomplishments that William achieved. In the text, it states, "There, he talked shoppers into buying food — 1,400 pounds worth — to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." In short, William is motivating others to help hungry students over spring break. According to the text, it states, "Seven years later, he's collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. He's expanded his mission, too. With Alexander working as head of advertising, Food Drive Kids also provides emergency food relief to the community, has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." As you can see, William is passionate about his goal. He has helped build 4 schools and has set up pantries, all to give children access to good food.
This is your best piece yet!
- Edited by Hailey
Japanese people are helping students graduate remotely. In the text it states, " The event, which was held at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, started with university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom. Then began the virtual graduation ceremony." In short, the graduation is being held through the screens. According to the article it states," Each time a student's name was called out by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated "New"me"" avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president. The graduate was able to experience the event, and hear the handful of school staff in attendance clap and shout-out their "congratulations," via a digital tablet attached to each New"me"'s head. Once Mr. Omae had placed the certificate on a rack, mounted on the New"me"'s midsection, the beaming students remotely posed with him for an official graduation photo." Overall, the person who is graduating will feel like it is real due to the robots.
For fluidity: The Japanese are helping students graduate remotely.
In the text, it states, "The event, which was held at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, started with university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom. Then began the virtual graduation ceremony."'
In short, the graduation is being held through screens.
Good!
For structure: According to the article, "Each time a student's name was called out by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated "New"me"" avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president. The graduate was able to experience the event, and hear the handful of school staff in attendance clap and shout-out their "congratulations", via digital tablet attached to each New"me"s head. Once Mr. Omae had placed the certificate on a rack, mounted on the New"me"s midsection, the beaming students remotely posed with him for an official graduation photo."
Try to summarize long quotes like this, so it does not overpower your summary! And so you can practice your own writing, in addition to selecting quotes!
For grammar, clarity: Overall, the person who is graduation will feel like it is real, due to the robots.
Fully Edited Summary: The Japanese are helping students graduate remotely. In the text, it states, "The event, which was held at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, started with university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom. Then began the virtual graduation ceremony." In short, the graduation is being held through screens. According to the article, "Each time a student's name was called out by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated "New"me"" avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president. The graduate was able to experience the event, and hear the handful of school staff in attendance clap and shout-out their "congratulations", via digital tablet attached to each New"me"s head. Once Mr. Omae had placed the certificate on a rack, mounted on the New"me"s midsection, the beaming students remotely posed with him for an official graduation photo." Overall, the person who is graduation will feel like it is real, due to the robots.
Nice work on this.
- Edited by Hailey
The opposing views in the article are that Mayor De Blasio says the school is closed for the rest of the year. On the other hand, Gov. Cuomo is saying not so fast. In the text it states, "'Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,' de Blasio said. 'Lord knows, having to tell you that we cannot bring our schools back for the remainder of this school year is painful. But I can also tell you, it’s the right thing to do.' " In short, Mayor De Blasio states the schools will be canceled. According to the article it states, " 'There has been no decision. That’s the mayor’s opinion. I value it,' Cuomo said. 'But the decision will be coordinated' " Overall the Gov. also states that the decision is not yet decided.
For grammar, clarity: There are opposing views in the article. On one hand, Mayor de Blasio says that the public schools are closed for the rest of the year.
Make sure your noun/verb agreements are correct, and make sense within the context!
For punctuation: On the other hand, Gov. Cuomo is saying not so fast!
Nice sentence! Also, if you want to use the phrase "on the other hand", there must be another sentence that starts with "on one hand" (because we all have two hands!)
For structure: In the text, it states, 'Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,' de Blasio said, 'Lord knows, having to tell you that we cannot bring our schools back for the remainder of this school year is painful. But I can also tell you, it's the right thing to do.'
For spelling: In short, Mayor de Blasio states that the schools will be cancelled.
The article also states, 'There has been no decision. That's the mayor's opinion. I value it' Cuomo said. 'But the decision will be coordinated.'
For clarity: Overall, the Governor also states that the decision is not yet decided.
If you only intend to use the word "Governor", don't abbreviate!
Fully Edited Summary: There are opposing views in the article. On one hand, Mayor de Blasio says that the public schools are closed for the rest of the year. On the other hand, Gov. Cuomo is saying not so fast! In the text, it states, 'Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,' de Blasio said, 'Lord knows, having to tell you that we cannot bring our schools back for the remainder of this school year is painful. But I can also tell you, it's the right thing to do. In short, Mayor de Blasio states that the schools will be cancelled. The article also states, 'There has been no decision. That's the mayor's opinion. I value it,' Cuomo said, 'But the decision will be coordinated.' Overall, the Governor also states that the decision is not yet decided.
Nice work on this!
- Edited by Hailey
Two reasons why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland because they are hard to see and because people found a breeding place where the salamanders can repopulate their kind. In the text it states,"They are called “mole salamanders” because they dig underground burrows in loose, sandy soil, where they spend most of their lives. That means they are hard to see in the wild." The salamanders are hard to see so it won't be easy to catch unless you have good eyesight. According to the text it states, "Schlimm recently explored one of several seasonal wetland areas on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders." Overall, since people have found some place where the salamanders can repopulate themselves the population can grow.
For fluidity: The Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland because the salamanders are hard to see, and they have found a breeding place for repopulation there.
For structure: In the text, it states, "They are called 'mole salamanders' because they dig underground burrows in loose, sandy soil, where they spend most of their lives. That means they are hard to see in the wild."
A quotations marks inside of a quote (the ones around mole salamanders in this case) only have one apostrophe ('.....')
For clarity: The salamanders are hard to see, so unless you have good eyesight, they will be hard to catch.
For structure: According to the text, "Sclimm recently explored one of the several seasonal wetland areas on Maryland's Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders."
For clarity, grammar: Overall, since people have found some place where the salamanders can repopulate themselves, the population can now grow.
Fully Edited Summary: The Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland because the salamanders are hard to see, and they have found a breeding place for repopulation there. In the text, it states, "They are called 'mole salamanders' because they dig underground burrows in loose, sandy soil, where they spend most of their lives. That means they are hard to see in the wild." The salamanders are hard to see, so unless you have good eyesight, they will be hard to catch. According to the text, "Sclimm recently explored one of the several seasonal wetland areas on Maryland's Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders. Overall, since people have found some place where the salamanders can repopulate themselves, the population can now grow.
Nice work!
- Edited by Hailey
Social distancing is negative and positive during this time. In the text it states, " By keeping space between themselves and others, people 'can reduce the likelihood that the virus can be transferred' ". This is a positive reason of why we do social distancing, so we don't take the effect of the virus. According to the text it states, "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes." This is a negative reason of why we do social distancing, even though we sit at a distance the sneezing and coughing could still get to us.
For fluidity: During this time, social distancing is both negative and positive.
Good!
In the text, it states, "By keeping space between themselves and others, people can reduce the likelihood that the virus can be transferred."
Nice work!
For fluidity, vocabulary, clarity: This is an advantage of social distancing: we are less likely to come into contact with the virus.
According to the text, it states, "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes."
For fluidity: This is a negative aspect of social distancing. Even though we are at a distance from others, the virus could still get to us through sneezing and coughing.
Fully Edited Summary: During this time, social distancing is both negative and positive. In the text, it states, "By keeping space between themselves and others, people can reduce the likelihood that the virus can be transferred. This is an advantage of social distancing: we are less likely to come into contact with the virus. According to the text, it states, "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes." This is a negative aspect of social distancing. Even though we are at a distance from others, the virus could still get to us through sneezing and coughing.
Nice work on this. If you are a little more selective and concise with your word choice, your summary would be all the more clear.
- Edited by Hailey
J.K Rowling thinks her web page can help kids be educated and have some fun during this chaos. For example, the text states, "Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we're on lock down might need a bit of magic." In short, J.K Rowling thinks we can be mused by playing her web page which is really kind of her to think for kids. According to the text," During the strange times we now find ourselves in, we want to welcome you back to Hogwarts, where you will find a friendly retreat for you, your family and those you are caring for." All in all, the web page that J.K Rowling made for us will help us take off our minds during this period of time.
J.K Rowling thinks her web page can help kids be educated and have some fun during this chaos.
Great hook!
For example, the text states, "Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we're on lock down might need a bit of magic."
For spelling, grammar: In short, J.K Rowling thinks we can be amused by playing on her web page, which is really kind of her to think of the kids.
According to the text, "During the strange times we now find ourselves in, we want to welcome you back to Hogwarts, where you will find a friendly retreat for you, your family and those you are caring for."
Nice!
All in all, the web page that J.K Rowling made for us will help us take off our minds during this period of time.
Fully Edited Summary:
J.K Rowling thinks her web page can help kids be educated and have some fun during this chaos. For example, the text states, "Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we're on lock down might need a bit of magic." In short, J.K Rowling thinks we can be amused by playing on her web page, which is really kind of her to think of the kids. According to the text, "During the strange times we now find ourselves in, we want to welcome you back to Hogwarts, where you will find a friendly retreat for you, your family and those you are caring for." All in all, the web page that J.K Rowling made for us will help us take off our minds during this period of time.
You did a great job with this!
- Edited by Hailey
Two activities that seem the most fun are Mad Libs and Baking/Cooking. Mad Libs is fun because you get to hear funny stories that will keep your mind off everything else. The text states " Mad Libs are a hilarious way for kids to brush up on their parts of speech." In short Mad Libs are fun to switch words around. According to the text it states "Enlist your kids as sous-chefs and you'll get some extra help in the kitchen while also teaching them practical skills such as following a recipe, measurements and kitchen safety." Overall when your moms are cooking kids can help with the cooking as well as they can learn more about cooking. Children might inherit some of your cooking.
For capitalization: Two activities that seem the most fun are Mad Libs and baking/cooking.
Only proper nouns are capitalized!
For grammar: Mad Libs are fun because you get to hear funny stories that will keep your mind off everything else.
Plural nouns use the word "are" (instead of "is").
For structure: The text states, "Mad Libs are a hilarious way for kids to brush up on their parts of speech."
I just added a comma.
For fluidity: In short, Mad Libs are fun because you switch words around.
For fluidity: According to the text, you should "enlist your kids as sous-chefs and you'll get some extra help in the kitchen while also teaching them practical skills such as following a recipe, measurements, and kitchen safety."
For fluidity, grammar: Overall, when parents are in the kitchen, kids can help and also learn more about cooking. Children might also inherit some of their parents cooking skills.
Fully Edited Summary:
Two activities that seem the most fun are Mad Libs and baking/cooking. Mad Libs are fun because you get to hear funny stories that will keep your mind off everything else. The text states, "Mad Libs are a hilarious way for kids to brush up on their parts of speech." In short, Mad Libs are fun because you switch words around. According to the text, you should "enlist your kids as sous-chefs and you'll get some extra help in the kitchen while also teaching them practical skills such as following a recipe, measurements, and kitchen safety." Overall, when parents are in the kitchen, kids can help and also learn more about cooking. Children might also inherit some of their parents cooking skills.
Good work!
*Edited by Hailey
Some ways that a student can learn best while studying online are that the student learns how to keep track of time and the student learns to set goals for themselves. For example, in the article it states "Open your calendar and choose a predictable, reliable time that you can dedicate to watching lectures and completing assignments. This helps ensure that your courses won’t become the last thing on your to-do list. So, schedule time to study on your calendar." In short, schedules will keep your assignments on track so you won't fail. According to the article it states, " Setting a clear goal can help you stay motivated and beat procrastination. The goal should be specific and easy to measure, such as “I’ll watch all the videos in Module 2 and complete the first programming assignment.” And don’t forget to reward yourself when you make progress towards your goal!" As you can see, setting goals for the day will help students organize the student's day.
For fluidity: While studying online, a student best learns how to keep track of time and how to set goals for themselves.
For fluidity, structure: For example, the article states, "Open your calendar and choose a predictable, reliable time that you can dedicate to watching lectures and completing assignments. This helps ensure that your courses won’t become the last thing on your to-do list. So, schedule time to study on your calendar."
Good quote!
In short, schedules will keep your assignments on track so you won't fail.
Yes!
For fluidity: The article also states, "Setting a clear goal can help you stay motivated and beat procrastination. The goal should be specific and easy to measure, such as 'I’ll watch all the videos in Module 2 and complete the first programming assignment.' And don’t forget to reward yourself when you make progress towards your goal!"
For fluidity: As you can see, setting goals will help the students organize their day.
Fully Edited Summary: While studying online, a student best learns how to keep track of time and how to set goals for themselves. For example, the article states, "Open your calendar and choose a predictable, reliable time that you can dedicate to watching lectures and completing assignments. This helps ensure that your courses won’t become the last thing on your to-do list. So, schedule time to study on your calendar. In short, schedules will keep your assignments on track so you won't fail. The article also states, "Setting a clear goal can help you stay motivated and beat procrastination. The goal should be specific and easy to measure, such as 'I’ll watch all the videos in Module 2 and complete the first programming assignment.' And don’t forget to reward yourself when you make progress towards your goal!" As you can see, setting goals will help the students organize their day.
Good job, just try not to overload your summary with quotations!
- Edited by Hailey
In order to not get the coronavirus, there are rules you need to follow. In the article it states, "Students and staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds—about the length of the “Alphabet Song”—before and after eating or after coughing or sneezing." In short, you need to wash your hands with soap for at least 20 seconds to prevent coronavirus from getting to you. According to the article it states,"As much as possible, adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces." Overall, people should try avoid touching their face to try to stop coronavirus from infecting themselves.
For fluidity: In order to avoid the coronavirus, there are rules you need to follow.
Good hook!
For fluidity: The article states, "Students and staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds—about the length of the “Alphabet Song”—before and after eating or after coughing or sneezing."
In short, you need to wash your hands with soap for at least 20 seconds to prevent coronavirus from getting to you.
Great!
For fluidity: The article also states, "As much as possible, adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces."
Missing a word, grammar, fluidity: Overall, people should try to avoid touching their faces so they are not infected by the coronavirus.
Fully Edited Summary: In order to avoid the coronavirus, there are rules you need to follow. The article states, "Students and staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds—about the length of the “Alphabet Song”—before and after eating or after coughing or sneezing." In short, you need to wash your hands with soap for at least 20 seconds to prevent coronavirus from getting to you. The article also states, "As much as possible, adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces." Overall, people should try to avoid touching their faces so they are not infected by the coronavirus.
Nice work!
- Edited by Hailey
