Teda's Writing's

     Original: According to the story, Beth is scared about people fainting. To begin when then where rehearsing Beth was sacred when they fainted. Based on the text it states “I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.” This means that she is frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead. According to the text it states “Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling. Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her, and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery, and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish. Jo gave a despairing groan, and Meg laughed outright, while Beth let her bread burn as she watched the fun with interest. "It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked if they can do it in another way so they did but then it didn’t work so she said if they audience laugh it’s not my fault. In conclusion, this is what Beth is scared about according to this story.


Edits:


According to the story, Beth is scared about people fainting.

      • Great first sentence!


To begin when then where rehearsing Beth was sacred when they fainted. Based on the text it states “I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.”

      • Edited for punctuation: To begin, when they were rehearsing Beth was scared when they fainted. Based on the text it states, "I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.”


Good! Some mistakes were made in the first sentences.


This means that she is frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead.

      • Edited for clarity: This means that she was frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead.


Good! Make sure to use past tense.


According to the text it states “Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling.

      • Edited for clarity: According to the text it states, "Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling.


Make sure to add a comma after the word 'states'


Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her, and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery, and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish. Jo gave a despairing groan, and Meg laughed outright, while Beth let her bread burn as she watched the fun with interest.

      • Great job on this sentence!


"It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked if they can do it in another way so they did but then it didn’t work so she said if they audience laugh it’s not my fault.

      • Edited for clarity: "It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked them to do it another way so they did but it didn't work. They said if the audience laughed it's not my fault.


Good! Changed some wording around


In conclusion, this is what Beth is scared about according to this story.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is what Beth was scared of.


Take out 'according to this story' because we already know this. Great job!


Final Edit:

According to the story, Beth is scared about people fainting. To begin, when they were rehearsing Beth was scared when they fainted. Based on the text it states, "I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.” This means that she was frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead. According to the text it states, "Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling. Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her, and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery, and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish. Jo gave a despairing groan, and Meg laughed outright, while Beth let her bread burn as she watched the fun with interest. "It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked them to do it another way so they did but it didn't work. They said if the audience laughed it's not my fault. In conclusion, this is what Beth was scared of.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware