Original paragraph:
This is what the young lady is very interested at. The young lady is very interested at seeing Rome. According to the text," she said I should like to see Rome. It must be a lovely city." This shows what the lady is interested at.
Corrections:
- The young lady is very interested in seeing Rome.
Edited for repetition and grammar; I combined your first two sentences into one full sentence so your words aren’t repetitive. Also, the lady is interested “in” seeing Rome, not “at.”
- According to the text, she said, "I should like to see Rome. It must be a lovely city."
Edited for punctuation; Good sentence! Just make sure the comma and quotation marks go around the exact quote.
- Therefore, the lady is interested in Rome because she thinks it must be a charming city.
Edited for paragraph structure; Remember to end your paragraph by explaining how the text evidence answers the question. How does your quote show the lady is interested in Rome? It shows that the lady thinks Rome must be a lovely city. In your final sentence, we don’t want to use “lovely” again, because that word was used in your quote, but “charming” is a good synonym for lovely.
Edited paragraph:
The young lady is very interested in seeing Rome. According to the text, she said, “I should like to see Rome. It must be a lovely city." Therefore, the lady is interested in Rome because she thinks it must be a charming city.
Comments:
Hi! I'm Sarah, and I will be editing your paragraphs. Great start! Just make sure you complete the E in RACE (E=Explain the cited evidence in simple ideas). If you have any questions about writing or my edits, please type them out for me here. I am excited to see your next paragraph!
Edited by Sarah Kikel
