Sala's Writing Page:



Original:

It possible to know that the princess was a real princess. One thing is ". So he traveled all around the world, seeking such a one, but everywhere something was in the way. " Another thing is "that there was any lack of princesses, but he could not seem to make out whether they were real princesses; there was always something not quite satisfactory. " Therefore it possible to know that the princess was a real princess.

Corrections:

      • It possible to know that the princess was a real princess. It's possible to know anything, so this sentence doesn't quite make sense. You might want to say something like: "It is very well possible that the princess was a real princess."

One thing is ". So he traveled all around the world, seeking such a one, but everywhere something was in the way. " Another thing is "that there was any lack of princesses, but he could not seem to make out whether they were real princesses; there was always something not quite satisfactory. "

      • Change "One thing is..." to "One quote from the article that illustrates this is..."

Therefore it possible to know that the princess was a real princess.

      • Perhaps you could change it to something different than the first sentence, like: "Therefore it is evident that the princess might be a real princess.

Fully Edited Version:

It is very well possible that the princess was a real princess. This is evident through the quote: "So he traveled all around the world, seeking such a one, but everywhere something was in the way. " Another quote from the article is: "...that there was any lack of princesses, but he could not seem to make out whether they were real princesses; there was always something not quite satisfactory." Therefore it is evident that the princess might be a real princess.


Original:

The author's purpose in writing the story. One thing is " A wooden partition divided the poultry-yard from another yard, in which lay a heap of manure sheltering a cucumber bed. " Another thing is "In this bed grew a large cucumber, which was fully aware that it was a plant that should be reared in a hotbed." Therefore the author's purpose in writing the story.

Corrections:"'

      • What is the author's purpose in writing the story.

Original:

You think was the author's purpose in writing the story. One thing is "A wooden partition divided the poultry-yard from another yard, in which lay a heap of manure sheltering a cucumber bed." Another thing is " In this bed grew a large cucumber, which was fully aware that it was a plant that should be reared in a hotbed." Therefore you think was the author's purpose in writing the story.

Corrections:

      • This does not necessarily make sense. What was the purpose? It was never stated.


'Original:"

The mother stork want for her children to learn how to fly. One thing is "At a little distance, on the top of the roof, stood the father stork, bolt upright and as stiff as could be. That he might not appear quite idle while standing sentry, he had drawn one leg up under him, as is the manner of storks. One might have taken him to be carved in marble, so still did he stand." 

Another thing is "It must look very grand for my wife to have a sentinel to guard her nest," he thought. "They can't know that I am her husband and will, of course, conclude that I am commanded to stand here by her nest. It looks aristocratic!"

Therefore the mother stork want for her children to learn how to fly.

Corrections:

The mother stork want for her children to learn how to fly.

      • "The mother stork wants her children to learn how to fly."

One thing is "At a little distance, on the top of the roof, stood the father stork, bolt upright and as stiff as could be. That he might not appear quite idle while standing sentry, he had drawn one leg up under him, as is the manner of storks. One might have taken him to be carved in marble, so still did he stand."

      • This quote is too long. Keep in mind that it is supposed to be a summary in your own words. You don't need to use so many sentences from the article. Change "One thing is..." to "One quote from the story is..."

Another thing is "It must look very grand for my wife to have a sentinel to guard her nest," he thought. "They can't know that I am her husband and will, of course, conclude that I am commanded to stand here by her nest. It looks aristocratic!"

      • Change this to: "Another quote from the story is..."

Therefore the mother stork want for her children to learn how to fly.

      • This should be: "Therefore the mother stork wants her children to learn to fly." Remember that the first and last sentences don't need to be identical.

Fully Edited Version:

The mother stark wants her children to learn how to fly. One quote from the story is: "At a little distance, on the top of the roof, stood the father stork, bolt upright and as stiff as could be. That he might not appear quite idle while standing sentry, he had drawn one leg up under him, as is the manner of storks. One might have taken him to be carved in marble, so still did he stand." Another quote from the story is: ""It must look very grand for my wife to have a sentinel to guard her nest," he thought. "They can't know that I am her husband and will, of course, conclude that I am commanded to stand here by her nest. It looks aristocratic!" Therefore it is clear that the mother stork wants her children to learn how to fly.





Original:

I And the sink agreed with the pea. But the young girl, with sparkling eyes and the rosy hue of health upon her cheeks, stood at the open garret window and, folding her thin hands over the pea blossom, thanked God for what He had done. One thing is "THERE were once five peas in one shell; they were green, and the shell was green, and so they believed that the whole world must be green also, which was a very natural conclusion." Another thing is " And the sink agreed with the pea. But the young girl, with sparkling eyes and the rosy hue of health upon her cheeks, stood at the open garret window and, folding her thin hands over the pea blossom, thanked God for what He had done." Therefore And the sink agreed with the pea.

Corrections: 

I And the sink agreed with the pea.
      • "The sink agreed with the pea."

But the young girl, with sparkling eyes and the rosy hue of health upon her cheeks, stood at the open garret window and, folding her thin hands over the pea blossom, thanked God for what He had done.

      • This should be cut. You quote it later in the summary.

One thing is "THERE were once five peas in one shell; they were green, and the shell was green, and so they believed that the whole world must be green also, which was a very natural conclusion."

      • Start the sentence with something like "As mentioned in the story..."

Another thing is " And the sink agreed with the pea. But the young girl, with sparkling eyes and the rosy hue of health upon her cheeks, stood at the open garret window and, folding her thin hands over the pea blossom, thanked God for what He had done."

      • Delete the spaces. Start the sentence with something like: "Also mentioned in the story is..."

Therefore And the sink agreed with the pea.

      • This isn't grammatically correct. Change it to: "Therefore the sink agreed with the pea."



Fully Edited Version:

The sink agreed with the pea. As mentioned in the story, "THERE were once five peas in one shell; they were green, and the shell was green, and so they believed that the whole world must be green also, which was a very natural conclusion." Also mentioned in the story is: "And the sink agreed with the pea. But the young girl, with sparkling eyes and the rosy hue of health upon her cheeks, stood at the open garret window and, folding her thin hands over the pea blossom, thanked God for what He had done." Therefore the sink agreed with the pea.


Original:

You can tell that the Baron was not a good person. One thing is "Fortunately for herself, the poor girl in falling caught hold of one of the overhanging branches of the willow tree, by which she was able to keep herself from falling into the muddy pool." Another thing is " As soon as the baron, with his company and his dogs, had disappeared through the castle gate, she tried to raise herself by her own exertions; but the bough broke off at the top, and she would have fallen backwards among the reeds if a strong hand had not at that moment seized her from above." Therefore you can tell that Baron is not a good person.

Corrections:"'

You can tell that the Baron was not a good person.

      • Change "you" to "readers."

One thing is "Fortunately for herself, the poor girl in falling caught hold of one of the overhanging branches of the willow tree, by which she was able to keep herself from falling into the muddy pool." Another thing is " As soon as the baron, with his company and his dogs, had disappeared through the castle gate, she tried to raise herself by her own exertions; but the bough broke off at the top, and she would have fallen backwards among the reeds if a strong hand had not at that moment seized her from above."

      • Change both "One thing is..." and "Another thing is..." to "One quote from the story is..." and "Another quote from the story is..." respectively.

Therefore you can tell that Baron is not a good person.

      • Change to: "Therefore it is clear that Baron is not a good person."

Fully Edited Version:

Readers can tell that Baron is not a good person. One quote from the story is: ""Fortunately for herself, the poor girl in falling caught hold of one of the overhanging branches of the willow tree, by which she was able to keep herself from falling into the muddy pool." Another quote from the story is: " As soon as the baron, with his company and his dogs, had disappeared through the castle gate, she tried to raise herself by her own exertions; but the bough broke off at the top, and she would have fallen backwards among the reeds if a strong hand had not at that moment seized her from above." Therefore it is clear that Baron is not a good person.





Original:

Ali baba able to know how to get into the cave. One thing is "Their father divided a small inheritance equally between them. Cassim married a very rich wife, and became a wealthy merchant." 

Another thing is " Ali Baba married a woman as poor as himself, and lived by cutting wood, and bringing it upon three asses into the town, to sell."

Therefore Ail baba adle to know how to get into the cave.

Corrections:

Ali baba able to know how to get into the cave.

      • Change this to: "Ali Baba knows how to get into the cave."

One thing is "Their father divided a small inheritance equally between them. Cassim married a very rich wife, and became a wealthy merchant."

      • Change "One thing is..." to "One quote from the story is..." "One thing..." is too vague. 
Another thing is " Ali Baba married a woman as poor as himself, and lived by cutting wood, and bringing it upon three asses into the town, to sell."
      • Change "Another thing is..." to "Another quote from the story is..." to avoid vagueness.

Therefore Ail baba adle to know how to get into the cave.

      • Since the sentence isn't grammatically correct, change it to: "It is clear that Ali Baba knows how to get into the cave."

Fully Edited Version:

Ali Baba knows how to get into the cave. One quote from the story is: "Their father divided a small inheritance equally between them. Cassim married a very rich wife, and became a wealthy merchant." 

Another quote from the article is: "Ali Baba married a woman as poor as himself, and lived by cutting wood, and bringing it upon three asses into the town, to sell." It is clear that Ali Baba knows how to get into the cave.



Original:

The fern sing the song. One thing is "The sun shone on it and the showers watered it; and this was as good for the flax as it is for little children to be washed and then kissed by their mothers. Another thing is" They look much prettier for it, and so did the flax." Therefore the fern sing the song.

Corrections:

The fern sing the song.

      • This sentence isn't grammatically correct. Perhaps you could change it to: "The fern sings the song." "Fern" is a singular noun in this sentence. If it was a plural noun, like "Ferns," then you could say: "The ferns sing the song."

One thing is "The sun shone on it and the showers watered it; and this was as good for the flax as it is for little children to be washed and then kissed by their mothers.

      • Change "One thing is..." to "One quote from the story is..."

Another thing is" They look much prettier for it, and so did the flax."

      • Change "Another thing is..." to "Another quote from the story is..."

Therefore the fern sing the song.

      • Your first and last sentence shouldn't be almost identical. I can't edit this sentence since I don't know what the story is about, but let's try to simply reword it. You could write: "It is clear that the fern sings the song."

Fully Edited Version:

The fern sings the songs. One quote from the story is: "The sun shone on it and the showers watered it; and this was as good for the flax as it is for little children to be washed and then kissed by their mothers. Another quote from the story is: "They look much prettier for it, and so did the flax." It is clear that the fern sings the song.




Original:

The main characters of the story. One thing is "There were once 5 and 20 tin soldiers." Anoyher thing is " They were brothers, for they had all been made out of the same old tin spoon." Therefore the main characters the 5 and 20 soldiers and their brothers.

Corrections:

The main characters of the story.

      • This is not a full sentence. What about the main characters in the story? I'm not quite sure what this story was about, but let's use your final sentence as your first sentence, but take out "therefore." "The main characters from the story are the 5 and 20 soldiers and their brothers."

One thing is "There were once 5 and 20 tin soldiers."

      • One of the quotes from the story is: "There were once 5 and 20 tin soldiers."
      • I changed this because using "One thing is..." doesn't make total sense and there are plenty of other ways to introduce a quote.

Anoyher thing is " They were brothers, for they had all been made out of the same old tin spoon."

      • Change "Anoyher" to "Another"
      • You use quotations when you don't need to. This is your summary, after all. It would be a good idea to practice paraphrasing, which is summarizing a quote in your own words. A way to transition into using paraphrasing might be to introduce the quote in your own words like this: The brothers "had all been made out of the same old tin spoon."

Therefore the main characters the 5 and 20 soldiers and their brothers.

      • Change this to: "Therefore the main characters are the 5 and 20 soldiers and their brothers."


Fully Edited Version:

The main characters from the story are the 5 and 20 soldiers and their brothers. One quote from the story is "There were once 5 and 20 tin soldiers." The brothers "had all been made out of the same tin spoon." Therefore the main characters are the 5 and 20 soldiers and their brothers.

      • Good job. Something to consider next time is that if you are going to make a claim (like that the main characters are the 5 and 20 tin soldiers,) then you should use quotes that prove that your claim. This is something to work on in the future. Keep writing!


Original:

The way that the treasure can be gained. One thing is "The Grasshopper sat without on a green bank and reflected on the world and its ways; and he too said, "Yes, dullness and heaviness win the day; a fine exterior is what people care for nowadays." Another thing is "is own peculiar way—and it is from his song that we have taken this little piece of history, which may very possibly be all untrue, although it does stand printed here in black and white." Therefore that is the way that the treasure can be gained.

Corrections:"'

The way that the treasure can be gained.

      • This is not a full sentence. It's actually more of a title than an opening sentence. How is the treasure gained? Since I'm not sure how they found the treasure in the story, I'd suggest keeping it vague and changing it to: "There is one way that treasure can be gained."

One thing is "The Grasshopper sat without on a green bank and reflected on the world and its ways; and he too said, "Yes, dullness and heaviness win the day; a fine exterior is what people care for nowadays."

      • Change "One thing is..." to "One thing mentioned from the story is..."

Another thing is "is own peculiar way—and it is from his song that we have taken this little piece of history, which may very possibly be all untrue, although it does stand printed here in black and white."

      • "Another thing..." might not be the best way to start a sentence. It's too vague and you never address what "thing" means. Is it a quote from the story? Is it a quote from somewhere else? Change it to: "Another thing mentioned in the story is..."

Therefore that is the way that the treasure can be gained.

      • Nice wrap-up.

Fully edited version:

There is one way that treasure can be gained. One thing mentioned in the story is: ""The Grasshopper sat without on a green bank and reflected on the world and its ways; and he too said, "Yes, dullness and heaviness win the day; a fine exterior is what people care for nowadays." Another thing mentioned in the story is: "Another thing is "is own peculiar way—and it is from his song that we have taken this little piece of history, which may very possibly be all untrue, although it does stand printed here in black and white." Therefore that is the way the treasure can be gained.

      • You did not quite illustrate how the treasure can be gained. Next time, try selecting quotes that prove how treasure can be gained. Good job! Keep writing!



Gerda's trip a very difficult one. One thing is " The roof sloped nearly down to the ground, and the door was so low that the family had to creep in on their hands and knees when they went in and out. " Another thing is "There was no one at home but an old Lapland woman who was dressing fish by the light of a train-oil lamp." Therefore Gerda's trip a very diffcult one.


Original:

The soapsuds used for in the story. One thing is " Men! you who look at us with your severe, soapsud eyes, think a moment what our place in nature is: we are born upon the roses, we die in roses—our whole life is a rose poem." Another thing is " Do not, I beg you, give us a name which you yourselves think so despicable—the name I cannot bear to pronounce. If you wish to speak of us, call us 'the ants' milch cows—the rose-tree regiment—the little green things. Therefore the soapsuds used for in the story.


Corrections:

The soapsuds used for in the story.

      • This sentence doesn't quite make sense. What do the soapsuds in the story do? Change it to: "The soapsuds have several uses in the story."

One thing is " Men! you who look at us with your severe, soapsud eyes, think a moment what our place in nature is: we are born upon the roses, we die in roses—our whole life is a rose poem."

      • Great job! However, when using the R-A-C-E method, the quotes you select from the article should be relevant to your claim next time. For example, since you're writing about the uses soap spuds have in the story, maybe you could choose a quote about soapsuds. Change "One thing is" to "One quote from the story is..." "One thing is" doesn't give context, so we don't know what you're writing about.

Another thing is " Do not, I beg you, give us a name which you yourselves think so despicable—the name I cannot bear to pronounce. If you wish to speak of us, call us 'the ants' milch cows—the rose-tree regiment—the little green things.

      • To keep your sentence as true to the original as possible, replace "Another thing is..." to "Another quote from the story is..."

Therefore the soapsuds used for in the story.

      • This is the exact same sentence as your first sentence. While it's good to conclude your summary, perhaps consider changing it to: "As evident in the story, the soapsuds have many uses."


"'Fully Edited Version:"'

The soapsuds have several uses in the story. One quote from the story is: "Men! you who look at us with your severe, soapsud eyes, think a moment what our place in nature is: we are born upon the roses, we die in roses—our whole life is a rose poem." Another quote from the story is: "Do not, I beg you, give us a name which you yourselves think so despicable—the name I cannot bear to pronounce. If you wish to speak of us, call us 'the ants' milch cows—the rose-tree regiment—the little green things. As evident in the story, the soapsuds have several uses.


      • Good job! Remember that quote selection is important. Since your summary is so short, you can't put just any quote in there. Remember that for next time. Otherwise, you did great! Keep writing!


Original:

The man in the story a wealthy merchant. 

One thing is "Is this the gratitude you owe me?" said the Wind; "I, who in honor of you turn inside out—yes, even break—all the umbrellas, when the people won't have anything to do with you."

Another thing is " I will speak myself," said the Sunshine. "Silence!" and the Sunshine said it with such glory and majesty that the weary Wind fell prostrate, and the Rain, beating against him, shook him, as she said:We won't stand it! She is always breaking through—is Madame Sunshine. Let us not listen to her; what she has to say is not worth hearing." And still the Sunshine began to talk, and this is what she said: "A beautiful swan flew over the rolling, tossing waves of the ocean. Every one of its feathers shone like gold; and one feather drifted down to the great merchant vessel that, with sails all set, was sailing away." Therefore the man in the story a wealthy merchant.


Corrections:

The man in the story a wealthy merchant.

      • The man in the story is a wealthy merchant.

One thing is "Is this the gratitude you owe me?" said the Wind; "I, who in honor of you turn inside out—yes, even break—all the umbrellas, when the people won't have anything to do with you."

        • Change this to: "One thing from the story is..."

Another thing is " I will speak myself," said the Sunshine. "Silence!" and the Sunshine said it with such glory and majesty that the weary Wind fell prostrate, and the Rain, beating against him, shook him, as she said:We won't stand it! She is always breaking through—is Madame Sunshine. Let us not listen to her; what she has to say is not worth hearing."

      • There is an unnceccesary space here.
      • Change the introduction of the quote to: "Another thing from the story is..."

And still the Sunshine began to talk, and this is what she said: "A beautiful swan flew over the rolling, tossing waves of the ocean

      • This is a great sentence and you introduced the quote excellently! However, you might want to change it to: "Still, the Sunshine..."

Therefore the man in the story a wealthy merchant.

      • This is a great way to end the summary!


Fully Edited Version:

The man in the story is a wealthy merchant. One thing from the story is: "Is this the gratitude you owe me?" said the Wind; "I, who in honor of you turn inside out—yes, even break—all the umbrellas, when the people won't have anything to do with you." "Another thing from the story is: "I will speak myself," said the Sunshine. "Silence!" and the Sunshine said it with such glory and majesty that the weary Wind fell prostrate, and the Rain, beating against him, shook him, as she said: We won't stand it! She is always breaking through—is Madame Sunshine. Let us not listen to her; what she has to say is not worth hearing." Still, the Sunshine began to talk and this is what she said: "A beautiful swan flew over the rolling, tossing waves of the ocean." Therefore the man in the story is a wealthy merchant 




Tree was of the most kind in the storyis the burdock tree.

One thing is "And all this magnificence is food for snails—the great white snails, which grand people in olden times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, "H'm, how nice!" for they really fancied them delicious." and" These snails lived on burdock leaves, and that was why burdock was planted." Another thing is "Now there was an old estate where snails were no longer considered a delicacy." Also " The snails had therefore died out, but the burdock still flourished. In all the alleys and in all the beds it had grown and grown, so that it could no longer be checked; the place had become a perfect forest of burdock." Therefore the burdock tree was of the most kind in the story.

Original:

The difference between the buckwheat and the willow-tree. One thing is "Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still." Another thing is "Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still." And" It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age." Therefore that is the difference between the buckwheat and the willow-tree.

Corrections:

The difference between the buckwheat and the willow-tree.

      • This sentence isn't grammatically correct. It's not a complete. It should be changed to: "There are several differences between the buckwheat and the willow tree.

One thing is "Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still."

      • Change: "One thing is..." to "One thing mentioned in the the story is..."

Another thing is "Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still."

      • Change: "Another thing is..." to "Another thing from the story is..."

And" It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age."

      • The reader does not know which tree you are speaking about. Change this sentence to: The tree is "a large, venerable tree, though a little crippled by age."

Therefore that is the difference between the buckwheat and the willow-tree.

      • There is an unnecessary space here. This sentence should be changed to: "These are the differences between the buckwheat and willow tree."

Fully Edited Version:

There are several differences between the buckwheat and the willow tree. One thing mentioned in the story is: "Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still." Another thing from the story is: "Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still." The tree is "a large, venerable tree, though a little crippled by age." These are the differences between the buckwheat and willow tree.




Original:

Youngest princess the most pleasure of all things One thing is "All the livelong day they used to play in the palace in the great halls, where living flowers grew out of the walls. When the great amber windows were thrown open the fish swam in, just as the swallows fly into our rooms when we open the windows, but the fish swam right up to the little princesses, ate out of their hands, and allowed themselves to be patted." Another thing is "Outside the palace was a large garden, with fiery red and deep blue trees, the fruit of which shone like gold, while the flowers glowed like fire on their ceaselessly waving stalks. The ground was of the finest sand, but it was of a blue phosphorescent tint. Everything was bathed in a wondrous blue light down there; you might more readily have supposed yourself to be high up in the air, with only the sky above and below you, than that you were at the bottom of the ocean." Also" In a dead calm you could just catch a glimpse of the sun like a purple flower with a stream of light radiating from its calyx." Therefore that what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all things


Corrections:

Youngest princess the most pleasure of all things

      • This isn't a full sentence. How about: "The youngest princess has the most pleasurable of all things."?

One thing is "All the livelong day they used to play in the palace in the great halls, where living flowers grew out of the walls. When the great amber windows were thrown open the fish swam in, just as the swallows fly into our rooms when we open the windows, but the fish swam right up to the little princesses, ate out of their hands, and allowed themselves to be patted."

      • Following the R-A-C-E method, maybe you could answer why she is the princess with the most pleasures from the "A" requirement in R-A-C-E. This quote does answer the question, but a quote should be used as evidence to support your argument. Change: "One thing" to something a little less choppy, like "One thing from the story is..."

Another thing is "Outside the palace was a large garden, with fiery red and deep blue trees, the fruit of which shone like gold, while the flowers glowed like fire on their ceaselessly waving stalks.

      • The "One thing is..." or "Another thing is..." format isn't always necessary, because there are so many alternate ways to begin your sentences, including, but not limited to: "One idea stated in the story is...", "As stated in the story...", or "One thing stated in the story is..."

Also" In a dead calm you could just catch a glimpse of the sun like a purple flower with a stream of light radiating from its calyx." Therefore that what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all things

      • This sentence isn't grammatically correct. A verb is needed to introduce the quote. Try: "As mentioned in the story..."

Therefore that what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all things

      • All of this gave the youngest princess the most pleasurable things.

Fully Edited Version:

The youngest princess has the most pleasurable things. One thing is: "All the livelong day they used to play in the palace in the great halls, where living flowers grew out of the walls. When the great amber windows were thrown open the fish swam in, just as the swallows fly into our rooms when we open the windows, but the fish swam right up to the little princesses, ate out of their hands, and allowed themselves to be patted." Another thing from the story is: "Outside the palace was a large garden, with fiery red and deep blue trees, the fruit of which shone like gold, while the flowers glowed like fire on their ceaselessly waving stalks. The ground was of the finest sand, but it was of a blue phosphorescent tint. Everything was bathed in a wondrous blue light down there; you might more readily have supposed yourself to be high up in the air, with only the sky above and below you, than that you were at the bottom of the ocean." As stated in the story, "In a dead calm you could just catch a glimpse of the sun like a purple flower with a stream of light radiating from its calyx." All of this gave the princess the most pleasurable things.


      • Excellent job! Try to keep your summary near four sentences and follow the "R-A-C-E" method you learned in class. This can easily be achieved by simply using less quotes and more of your own words! Keep writing!



Original:

Boston Dynamics' robot assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic. One thing that it said is "“Starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19,” the company writes in a blog post." Another thing is “One of the hospitals that we spoke to shared that, within a week, a sixth of their staff had contracted COVID-19 and that they were looking into using robots to take more of their staff out of range of the novel virus.” Therefore Boston Dynamics' robot assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.

Corrections:

Boston Dynamics' robot assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.

      • Change to: Boston Dynamics' robot assists during the COVID-19 pandemic.

One thing that it said is "“Starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19,” the company writes in a blog post."

      • Remove the extra set of quotes. According to the article, Boston Dynamics wrote in a blog post: "Starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19."

Another thing is “One of the hospitals that we spoke to shared that, within a week, a sixth of their staff had contracted COVID-19 and that they were looking into using robots to take more of their staff out of range of the novel virus.”

      • Change "Another thing is" to "As stated in the article..." Using "another thing is" sounds choppy and list-like. Your summary is supposed to "sum" up the article, not quote it. Try using less quotes next time, as the purpose of this is to see how you interpreted the article.

Therefore Boston Dynamics' robot assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.

      • Remove the space prior to this sentence. This sentence is repetitive and unnecessary. The word "assisting" doesn't quite work here. You need to use a verb before "assisting." Writing "is assisting" would work a lot better.


      • Summaries need to be six sentences and yours is only four. You should also include a link at the bottom.


Fully Edited Version:

Boston Dynamics' robot assists during the COVID-19 Pandemic.

According to the article, Boston Dynamics wrote in a blog post: "Starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19." As stated in the article: “One of the hospitals that we spoke to shared that, within a week, a sixth of their staff had contracted COVID-19 and that they were looking into using robots to take more of their staff out of range of the novel virus.” Therefore Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.


      • Good job! There are a lot of easy fixes that can be made to your summary, such as including the link to the article and adhering to the guidelines that say articles should be six lines. I would also recommend using less quotes, so we can hear your voice more! Overall, you need to work on double-checking your work, making sure each sentence makes sense, and following the guidelines. This is a fascinating topic! Keep writing!
What your brain does when you sleep.

One thing is "The latest research follows up on a 2013 study, which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of rats and baboons during sleep." Another thing is" The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day." 

Also " The process acts a bit "like a dishwasher," said Dr. Maiken Nedergard, a neuroscientist at the University of Rochester who led the 2013 effort."

Therefore this happens to your brain when you sleeps.



You help improve the earth. One thing is " But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter. Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed." Another thing is "You can also limit waste by reducing the amount of things you buy." 

And " For example, check the library for that book you have to read before visiting the store."

Therefore you help improve the earth.


Original: 

Boys helping the Seniors.

One thing is that it said " The two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland have devised a way for Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need." Another thing is "Concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it home to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors." Therefore boys helping the Seniors.

Boys helping the Seniors

      • This title doesn't need a period after it. You could change it to: "Boys are helping the seniors," but: "Boys Assist Local Seniors" would sound better.

One thing is that it said " The two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland have devised a way for Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need."

      • You do not need to use a quote here. You can paraphrase instead. Change this to: "After the Coronavirus pandemic struck the United States, two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland devised a plan to help seniors in the area. The students found a way to protect grandparents and loved ones at risk by creating a plan for groceries to be delivered to their houses.

Another thing is "Concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it home to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors."

      • Starting a sentence with "Another thing is..." is choppy. Let's change the sentence to: "After becoming concerned he would contract COVID-19 while buying groceries and infect his grandson, he discovered Teens Helping Seniors.
      • I am assuming Teens Helping Seniors is the organization the boys founded. This should have been stated.

Therefore boys helping the Seniors.

      • This sentence doesn't quite make sense, nor is it necessary. Nevertheless, change it to: "Boys in the Silver Spring, Maryland area have been helping the seniors in their area greatly."

Fully Edited Version:

Boys Assist Local Seniors

After COVID-19 struck the United States, two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland devised a plan to help seniors in their area. The students found a way to protect grandparents and loved ones at risk by creating a plan for groceries to be delivered to their houses. After becoming concerned he would contract COVID-19 while buying groceries and infect his grandson, he discovered Teens Helping Seniors. Boys in the Silver Spring, Maryland area have been helping the seniors in their area greatly.

      • Great summary! Remember to include a link to the article and write the full six sentences as is required next time. Keep writing!


Original:

One of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated. One thing is "Earth Day, which is celebrated annually on April 22, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection." Anther thing is " These include planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs." Therefore one of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated.

Corrections:

One of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated.

      • This sentence doesn't quite make sense. Assuming you meant to write: "One thing the article reports is," starting a sentence with "one thing" sounds choppy. It is also a waste of space to say that Earth Day will be celebrated this year, because Earth Day is celebrated every year. Change this sentence to: "Earth day is right around the corner."

One thing is "Earth Day, which is celebrated annually on April 22, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection."

      • This is meant to be a summary of the article, so you shouldn't use directs quotes from the article. I have noticed a lot that you quote instead of paraphrasing. Paraphrasing is a great way to convey the author's thoughts while still giving him/her credit. An example of paraphrasing would be: "Held annually on April 22nd, Earth Day is often celebrated with outdoor festivities in order to raise support for environmental efforts." That was simply my paraphrasing of your sentence, but since I can't access the article since you didn't include its link. Your sentence was all I had to work with.
Anther thing is " These include planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs."
      • Cut "Another thing." Remember to paraphrase. You included a quote without context, also. If you are to use a quote, you must explain the context of it. For example, next time, you could begin the quote by introducing it with something like "Earth Day activities include..."
      • To work on paraphrasing, let's try something like this: "There are a wide variety of traditional Earth Day Activities. The activities include tree planting, attending recycling and conservation programs, and picking up trash from the road or beach." Making this sentence into two sentences helps you get closer to the sentence requirement. You only have four sentences.

Therefore one of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated.

      • This is almost the exact same sentence as your first sentence. Neither needs to be included. Since I added another sentence above, this one should be cut.


Fully Edited Version:

Earth day is right around the corner. Held annually on April 22nd, Earth Day is often celebrated with outdoor festivities in order to raise support for environmental efforts. There are a wide variety of traditional Earth Day Activities. These activities include tree planting, attending recycling and conservation programs, and picking up trash from the road or beach.


      • There is no title, link to the article, and it doesn't meet the six sentence requirement. Copy and pasting quotes from the article does not illustrate your understanding of the article. Working on paraphrasing would make your summary much better. You also should double-check your work, as every sentence had a grammatical error. Keep writing and working on paying attention to detail and reading the article more carefully.



Original:

One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is that he expanded his mission. One thing it said was "1 in 5 kids in his state were at risk for hunger — including some of his classmates." Another tning it said was ", he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree." Therefore one of one of the accomplishments that William has achieved was expanded his mission.

Corrections:

One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is that he expanded his mission.

      • Who is William? You did not explain or include the link to the article, so I can't change this sentence.

One thing it said was "1 in 5 kids in his state were at risk for hunger — including some of his classmates."

      • This is a great fact! You don't need to use a direct quote, though. Paraphrase instead. Change it to: "In William's state, "one in five kids were at risk for hunger." Some of those were even his classmates." You also are not meeting the six sentence requirement, so making this two sentences will help.

Another tning it said was ", he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree."

      • What organization? What is he raising this for? Are we talking about "William?"
      • Change this to: William has collected over 55,00 pounds of food and 63,000 dollars. He is a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree thanks to his contributions.

Therefore one of one of the accomplishments that William has achieved was expanded his mission.

      • This sentence doesn't quite make sense. Let's change it to: "The accomplishments William has achieve has expanded his mission."
      • There is no title, link, and the summary is not six sentences.


Fully Edited Version:"'

One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is that he expanded his mission. In William's state, "one in five kids were at risk for hunger." Some of those were even his classmates. William has collected over 55,00 pounds of food and 63,000 dollars. He is a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree thanks to his contributions. Therefore one of one of the accomplishments that William has achieved was expanded his mission. The accomplishments William has achieve has expanded his mission.

      • Good job! I noticed some typos and grammatical issues. Remember most of all to include the article link. I'm not sure what the article is about. Also include a typo and make sure the summary is six sentences! Keep writing!

Original

Graduation ceremony from other graduation ceremonies are defferent. one thing is that it said" Over the years, the androids have been deployed to work in banks, run hotels, and even serve as personal assistants to the elderly. Now, in what is being hailed as an "industry first." Another thing is that it said "Professor Shugo Yanaka, Dean of Global Business Administration at Business Breakthrough University (BBT), came up with the brilliant idea after the coronavirus pandemic forced them to rethink the in-person spring graduation ceremony." Therefore graduation ceremony from other graduation ceremonies are different.

"'Corrections:"'

Graduation ceremony from other graduation ceremonies are defferent.

      • This sentence doesn't quite make sense. "Different" is spelled wrong here. Change this sentence to: "Graduation Ceremonies are Changing During the Coronavirus Pandemic."

one thing is that it said" Over the years, the androids have been deployed to work in banks, run hotels, and even serve as personal assistants to the elderly.

      • Though you should summarize the article instead of quoting it, changing "one thing that is said" to "the article mentions" would be a lot smoother.
Now, in what is being hailed as an "industry first.
      • It is unclear what you are referring to because there is no subject. Change it to: "What androids are now a part of something that is being hailed as an "industry first."

Another thing is that it said "Professor Shugo Yanaka, Dean of Global Business Administration at Business Breakthrough University (BBT), came up with the brilliant idea after the coronavirus pandemic forced them to rethink the in-person spring graduation ceremony."

      • In general, the "another thing" or "one thing that is said" structure is choppy. You do not need to use a quote here. Simply summarize the sentence. Professor Shugo Yanka, the "Dean of Global Business Administration at Business Breakthrough University" originated an idea that would change graduation ceremonies amidst the Coronavirus pandemic.

Therefore graduation ceremony from other graduation ceremonies are different

      • What graduation ceremony are you referring to? Change this to: "Graduation ceremonies during the pandemic are far different than before."
      • You never explained HOW graduation ceremonies are different than before.
      • This doesn't meet the six sentence requirement and there is no link to the article.





Original

Some people who enter the program to become astronauts can not be astronauts because many challenging parts to the astronaut training. One deatil is that it saidSince the 1960s, only 350 men and women have been chosen for NASA’s astronaut training. Another deatil is that 

it said In 2017, over 18,000 people applied. Therefore some people who enter the program to become astornots can not be astornauts.

Corrections: Some people who enter the program to become astronauts can not be astronauts because many challenging parts to the astronaut training.


Some people who enter the program to become astronauts can not be astronauts because many challenging parts to the astronaut training.

      • There are some grammar issues in this sentence. Change it to: "Some of the astronauts who enter the program do not end up becoming astronauts due to the numerous challenges in the astronaut training."

One detail is that it saidSince the 1960s, only 350 men and women have been chosen for NASA’s astronaut training.'

      • You do not need to quote the article directly. Put the facts into your own words. An example of this could be: NASA has only selected 350 men and women for their astronaut training since the 1960's."

Another deatil is that it said In 2017, over 18,000 people applied.

      • Like above, there is no need to quote the article. Over 2,000 people applied to NASA's astronaut training program in 2017.

Therefore some people who enter the program to become astornots can not be astornauts.

      • This concluding sentence isn't completely neccesary. Both uses of "astronaut" are incorrect.
      • Your paragraph does not have a title, it does not meet the six sentence guideline, and you didn't include a link.


Fully Edited Version:

Some of the astronauts who enter the program do not end up becoming astronauts due to the numerous challenges in the astronaut training. NASA has only selected 350 men and women for their astronaut training since the 1960's. Over 2,000 people applied to NASA's astronaut training program in 2017. Therefore some people who enter the program to become astronauts can not be astronauts.

      • Excellent job on this one. It was very clear and you seemed to understand the article very well. Remember to write six sentences, include a title, and include a link to the article. Lastly, always double-check your work. Great job!

Original:

The Mayor and Governor have different opinions. Mayor says " a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person instruction has been canceled to curb the coronavirus pandemic". Govern says"1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled end of the school year. Such a move needs to be coordinated across the metro area.Therefore the Mayor and Governor have different opinions.


Corrections:


      • Where is your title? Not including a title makes it very difficult to understand what your summary is about.

The Mayor and Governor have different opinions.

      • Different opinions on what? This is a general statement. Try changing this to: "The mayor and the governor have different opinions on


Original:

Birds are migrating because it gets cold and they have to go to be warm. One thing is that it said During the spring, the males have on their beautiful pumage to attract mates. Another thig is that it said During the fall the timespan is much broader, since birds typically start leaving once the temperature drops and the there's a lack of food. Therefore birds are migrating because it gets cold and they have to be warm.


Corrections:

Birds are migrating because it gets cold and they have to go to be warm.

      • This title itself is a summary. Let's try switching it to: "Why Birds Migrate". If you summarize the article in the title, the reader has less desire to read your work, which is worth reading!

One thing is that it said During the spring, the males have on their beautiful pumage to attract mates.

      • This is supposed to be a short summary, not restating the author's words. Try using your own! Change this sentence to: In the spring, males attract their mates with the help of their beautiful plumage.
      • Plumage is spelled wrong here.

Another thig is that it said During the fall the time span is much broader, since birds typically start leaving once the temperature drops and the there's a lack of food.

      • You have two typos here: "thig" should be changed to "thing" and "timespan" is two words, not one.
      • This summary should be in your own words. Instead of using a direct quote, sum up the quote yourself. You didn't include the article link, so I, unfortunately can't read the article and can't reword it. Reword this sentence to: "The article states: "The time span is much broader during the fall since birds typically start leaving when the temperature drops and there is a lack of food."


Therefore birds are migrating because it gets cold and they have to be warm.

      • Ending a paragraph with "therefore" is pretty formulaic. You also already said this in your title. I can't access the article, so I can't, unfortunately, rewrite this one, either. However, you could try saying: "As evident in the article, birds migrate because it gets cold and they have to be warm."
      • Most importantly, your paragraph is only three sentences instead of the required six.


Fully Edited Version

Why Birds Migrate

In the spring, males attract their mates with the help of their beautiful plumage. The article states: "The time span is much broader during the fall since birds typically start leaving when the temperature drops and there is a lack of food. As evident in the article, birds migrate because it gets cold and they have to be warm.


      • Good job on this one. It is an interesting topic, though your summary was difficult to understand at times. Most importantly, you need to work on making sure your summary is six sentences long and that you include a link. There were a few typos, and only the last sentence was completely in your own words, since you used quotes for two out of three sentences. Your voice should be heard instead of the author's. Overall, good job and keep writing!