The World for Freedom

Italic text" Sish's Writing Page

Original Draft NEVER BE GREEDY

Since everyone thought Ali Baba was poor, when he found the gold, he wanted to keep it a secret so no one would go after him, envy him, or get caught by the robbers. The text states," The robbers stayed some time within the rock, during which Ali Baba, fearful of being caught, remained in the tree." If the robbers found out that Ali stole their gold, Ali would be in trouble so Ali realized it would be better off if he kept it a secret. Furthermore, the text states," Cassim, who heard the noise of the horses' feet, at once guessed the arrival of the robbers and resolved to make one effort for his life. He rushed to the door, and no sooner saw the door open, than he ran out and threw the leader down, but could not escape the other robbers, who with their scimitars soon deprived him of life." Cassim was very greedy and jealous that he went to the robber's hideout and tries to do what Ali did but he failed miserably. Instead, he got caught and killed by the robbers. Greed can make you struggle for things you do not need so never be greedy.

Corrections NEVER BE GREEDY
****"'I kept this title."'

Since everyone thought Ali Baba was poor, when he found the gold, he wanted to keep it a secret so no one would go after him, envy him, or get caught by the robbers.
****"'Again, we have to add some context to the beginning of the paragraph so that the reader doesn't feel lost or confused. I added some background on what the story is about. I also changed your sentence a bit: when you say 'so no one would go after him, envy him, or get caught by the robbers.' it sounds like you're saying 'so no one would get caught by the robbers', which is different from how you have the first two things in this list about him. Instead, I added the part about getting caught by robbers a bit before the other two points."'
"The History of Ali Baba, and of the Forty Robbers Killed By One Slave" tells the story of a poor man named Ali Baba. One day, he saw some robbers open a rock and go inside. When they came back out and left, Ali Baba went inside the rock himself and found may riches and lots of gold. When he found the gold, he wanted to keep it a secret so he wouldn't be caught by the robbers and so that no one would go after him or envy him.

The text states," The robbers stayed some time within the rock, during which Ali Baba, fearful of being caught, remained in the tree."
****"'I didn't change anything here."'

If the robbers found out that Ali stole their gold, Ali would be in trouble so Ali realized it would be better off if he kept it a secret.
****"'Since you begin this sentence talking about Ali, we don't need to say his name two more times. You can just use the pronoun 'he' instead. Also, before we jump into the next quote about Cassim, we need to add some context about who he is and how he got into his situation first. I added a lot, but it's important to give context so the reader doesn't feel lost or confused or like you're just jumping around in the story."'
If the robbers found out that Ali stole their gold, he would be in trouble, so he realized it would be better off if he kept it a secret. However, when he got back and showed his wife, she asked her sister-in-law to borrow her measure so that she could weigh the gold. When she returned it, her sister-in-law saw that gold was in the bottom of the measure and told Cassim, her husband and Ali's brother. Cassim confronted Ali the next day. The text states, "'Ali Baba,' said he, 'I am surprised at you; you pretend to be miserably poor, and yet you measure gold. My wife found this at the bottom of the measure you borrowed yesterday.'" Ali told Cassim where the rock was and the words to say so that he could get inside. Cassim rode into the forest and went inside the rock to get his own gold, but when he wanted to leave, he had forgotten the word to open the door. The text says, "He quickly laid as many bags of gold as he could carry at the door of the cavern; but his thoughts were so full of the great riches he should possess, that he could not think of the necessary word to make it open, but instead of 'Sesame,' said, 'Open, Barley!' and was much amazed to find that the door remained fast shut. He named several sorts of grain, but still the door would not open."

Furthermore, the text states," Cassim, who heard the noise of the horses' feet, at once guessed the arrival of the robbers and resolved to make one effort for his life. He rushed to the door, and no sooner saw the door open, than he ran out and threw the leader down, but could not escape the other robbers, who with their scimitars soon deprived him of life."
****"'I only changed the part before the quote here."'
Soon, the robbers arrived, the text states, "Cassim, who heard the noise of the horses' feet, at once guessed the arrival of the robbers and resolved to make one effort for his life. He rushed to the door, and no sooner saw the door open, than he ran out and threw the leader down, but could not escape the other robbers, who with their scimitars soon deprived him of life."

Cassim was very greedy and jealous that he went to the robber's hideout and tries to do what Ali did but he failed miserably.
****"'I only added a small detail about his brother and changed some of the wording."'
Cassim was very greedy and jealous of his brother, so he went to the robbers' cave to do what Ali did, but he only failed miserably.

Instead, he got caught and killed by the robbers.
****"'I only slightly modified this."'
Instead of getting gold and riches, he was caught and killed by the robbers.

Greed can make you struggle for things you do not need so never be greedy.
****"'I only slightly modified this as well."'
Greed can make you suffer over things that you don't need and can get you in bad situations, so it is important to never be greedy.

Final Draft NEVER BE GREEDY "The History of Ali Baba, and of the Forty Robbers Killed By One Slave" tells the story of a poor man named Ali Baba. One day, he saw some robbers open a rock and go inside. When they came back out and left, Ali Baba went inside the rock himself and found may riches and lots of gold. When he found the gold, he wanted to keep it a secret so he wouldn't be caught by the robbers and so that no one would go after him or envy him. The text states, "The robbers stayed some time within the rock, during which Ali Baba, fearful of being caught, remained in the tree." If the robbers found out that Ali stole their gold, he would be in trouble, so he realized it would be better off if he kept it a secret. However, when he got back and showed his wife, she asked her sister-in-law to borrow her measure so that she could weigh the gold. When she returned it, her sister-in-law saw that gold was in the bottom of the measure and told Cassim, her husband and Ali's brother. Cassim confronted Ali the next day. The text states, "'Ali Baba,' said he, 'I am surprised at you; you pretend to be miserably poor, and yet you measure gold. My wife found this at the bottom of the measure you borrowed yesterday.'" Ali told Cassim where the rock was and the words to say so that he could get inside. Cassim rode into the forest and went inside the rock to get his own gold, but when he wanted to leave, he had forgotten the word to open the door. The text says, "He quickly laid as many bags of gold as he could carry at the door of the cavern; but his thoughts were so full of the great riches he should possess, that he could not think of the necessary word to make it open, but instead of 'Sesame,' said, 'Open, Barley!' and was much amazed to find that the door remained fast shut. He named several sorts of grain, but still the door would not open." Soon, the robbers arrived, the text states, "Cassim, who heard the noise of the horses' feet, at once guessed the arrival of the robbers and resolved to make one effort for his life. He rushed to the door, and no sooner saw the door open, than he ran out and threw the leader down, but could not escape the other robbers, who with their scimitars soon deprived him of life." Cassim was very greedy and jealous of his brother, so he went to the robbers' cave to do what Ali did, but he only failed miserably. Instead of getting gold and riches, he was caught and killed by the robbers. Greed can make you suffer over things that you don't need and can get you in bad situations, so it is important to never be greedy.

Sirasa, I feel like you're not reading my comments lately. You still aren't adding the context about what the story is at the beginning of your paragraphs. I would like for you to start working on that as well as including context throughout so that the reader feels like they are consistently filled in on the story and your argument while they're reading your paragraph. You've got this! Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft THE FLAX

We know the author is using personification because a flax and a paper are talking and that's an example of personification. The text states," 'People say that I look exceedingly well,' said the flax, 'and that I am so fine and long that I shall make a beautiful piece of linen. How fortunate I am! It makes me so happy to know that something can be made of me. How the sunshine cheers me, and how sweet and refreshing is the rain! My happiness overpowers me; no one in the world can feel happier than I.' " Since personification means a figure of speech where human qualities are given to animals, objects or ideas, a flax cannot talk so the author used personification in the story to make it talk. Furthermore, the text states," 'I never imagined anything like this when I was only a little blue flower growing in the fields,' said the paper. 'How could I know that I should ever be the means of bringing knowledge and joy to men?' " Like before, both the paper and the flax cannot talk so this is another example of personification and how we know the author is using personification.

Corrections THE FLAX
****"'Since the focus of this paragraph is the use of personification in the story, I included that in the title instead of using the story's title."'
Personification in "The Flax"

We know the author is using personification because a flax and a paper are talking and that's an example of personification.
****"'Again, we have to include some context at the beginning of our paragraph so that the reader doesn't feel lost. I also included how only humans can talk and that's how we can tell that this is personification."'
The story "The Flax" is about a flax plant and its life. Throughout the story, we can tell that the author is using personification because the flax plant and a piece of paper are speaking. Since only humans can talk, we know that this is personification.

The text states," 'People say that I look exceedingly well,' said the flax, 'and that I am so fine and long that I shall make a beautiful piece of linen. How fortunate I am! It makes me so happy to know that something can be made of me. How the sunshine cheers me, and how sweet and refreshing is the rain! My happiness overpowers me; no one in the world can feel happier than I.' "
****"'The only thing I changed here was the space between the single and double quotations. I deleted that space because it isn't necessary."'
The text states, "'People say that I look exceedingly well,' said the flax, 'and that I am so fine and long that I shall make a beautiful piece of linen. How fortunate I am! It makes me so happy to know that something can be made of me. How the sunshine cheers me, and how sweet and refreshing is the rain! My happiness overpowers me; no one in the world can feel happier than I.'"

Since personification means a figure of speech where human qualities are given to animals, objects or ideas, a flax cannot talk so the author used personification in the story to make it talk.
****"'I slightly reworded this sentence and broke it up into two sentences. This way I was able to define personification and explain why this is an example of personification without the whole thing sounding rushed and jumbled."'
Personification is a figure of speech where human qualities are given to animals, object, or ideas. A flax cannot talk, so we can tell that the author used personification here to make the flax talk.

Furthermore, the text states," 'I never imagined anything like this when I was only a little blue flower growing in the fields,' said the paper. 'How could I know that I should ever be the means of bringing knowledge and joy to men?' "
****"'The only thing I modified here were the quotations like in the last quote you used."'
Furthermore, the text states,"'I never imagined anything like this when I was only a little blue flower growing in the fields,' said the paper. 'How could I know that I should ever be the means of bringing knowledge and joy to men?'"

Like before, both the paper and the flax cannot talk so this is another example of personification and how we know the author is using personification.
****"'This sentence also feels a bit rushed and jumbled, so I broke it up into two sentences and reworded it a bit as well."'
Like we saw before with the flax, paper can't talk either, so we know that this is another example of personification. The author uses personification in many ways in the story "The Flax" by giving a plant and a piece of paper the ability to speak, which is something only people can do.

Final Draft Personification in "The Flax" The story "The Flax" is about a flax plant and its life. Throughout the story, we can tell that the author is using personification because the flax plant and a piece of paper are speaking. Since only humans can talk, we know that this is personification. The text states, "'People say that I look exceedingly well,' said the flax, 'and that I am so fine and long that I shall make a beautiful piece of linen. How fortunate I am! It makes me so happy to know that something can be made of me. How the sunshine cheers me, and how sweet and refreshing is the rain! My happiness overpowers me; no one in the world can feel happier than I.'" Personification is a figure of speech where human qualities are given to animals, object, or ideas. A flax cannot talk, so we can tell that the author used personification here to make the flax talk. Furthermore, the text states,"'I never imagined anything like this when I was only a little blue flower growing in the fields,' said the paper. 'How could I know that I should ever be the means of bringing knowledge and joy to men?'" Like we saw before with the flax, paper can't talk either, so we know that this is another example of personification. The author uses personification in many ways in the story "The Flax" by giving a plant and a piece of paper the ability to speak, which is something only people can do.

This time I would like you to work on giving context at the beginning of your paragraphs as well as making sure your sentences don't become too rushed or jumbled. I have been asking you to work on the context at the beginning for a bit now, so I would really appreciate it if you would start adding that. Keep working hard! Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft THE CONCEITED APPLE BRANCH

The story is about a snobby apple blossom branch that thinks that dandelion flowers are plain and unattractive until a young countess teaches him the real meaning of beauty and a lesson in humility. The text states,"' Poor despised plants,' said the apple bough, 'it is not your fault that you are so ugly and that you have such an ugly name, but it is with plants as with men—there must be a difference.'" As you can see, the apple branch is being harsh to the flowers and is making fun of them and humiliating them. Furthermore, the text states," Then the sunbeam spoke of the boundless love of God as seen in creation and over all that lives, and of the equal distribution of His gifts, both in time and in eternity." This is the countess also known as the sunbeam and it's trying to tell the apple branch not to be so harsh and cruel to the flowers. Never be like the apple branch whos mean, conceited, and cruel. No ones ugly and everyone's different in their own way!

Corrections THE CONCEITED APPLE BRANCH
****"'Since this is about the main idea of the story, which is to be humble and see the beauty in others, I changed the title to fit that."'
There's Beauty In Everyone

The story is about a snobby apple blossom branch that thinks that dandelion flowers are plain and unattractive until a young countess teaches him the real meaning of beauty and a lesson in humility.
****"'The only thing I modified here is I added the title of the story and I changed 'young countess' to 'sunbeam'. In the story, they are actually two separate characters. The story talks about how the sunbeam "kissed the blooming apple branch and then kissed the yellow dandelion out in the fields. All were brothers, and the sunbeam kissed them—the poor flowers as well as the rich." so we can tell that he really is the sun and the story is showing us how the sun doesn't discriminate and shines on all of the plants."'
The story, "The Conceited Apple Branch", is about a snobby apple blossom branch that thinks that dandelion flowers are plain and unattractive until a sunbeam teaches him the real meaning of beauty and a lesson in humility.

The text states,"' Poor despised plants,' said the apple bough, 'it is not your fault that you are so ugly and that you have such an ugly name, but it is with plants as with men—there must be a difference.'" As you can see, the apple branch is being harsh to the flowers and is making fun of them and humiliating them.
****"'I only made a minor change here as well - I added the fact that the branch is in the castle here, looking through a window."'
While the apple branch is looking through a window at the castle, the text says, "'Poor despised plants,' said the apple bough, 'it is not your fault that you are so ugly and that you have such an ugly name, but it is with plants as with men—there must be a difference.'" As you can see, the apple branch is being harsh to the dandelion flowers and is making fun of them and humiliating them.

Furthermore, the text states," Then the sunbeam spoke of the boundless love of God as seen in creation and over all that lives, and of the equal distribution of His gifts, both in time and in eternity." This is the countess also known as the sunbeam and it's trying to tell the apple branch not to be so harsh and cruel to the flowers.
****"'Here, I took out the part where you said 'the countess also known as' and added a little different wording in its place to explain what's happening at this moment in the story."'
Furthermore, the text says, "Then the sunbeam spoke of the boundless love of God as seen in creation and over all that lives, and of the equal distribution of His gifts, both in time and in eternity." As the apple branch is being rude to the dandelions, the sunbeam that shines on both the apple branch and the dandelions equally is trying to tell the apple branch that all plants are beautiful in their own way and that he shouldn't be so harsh and cruel to the flowers.

Never be like the apple branch whos mean, conceited, and cruel. No ones ugly and everyone's different in their own way!
****"'This is a good conclusion! Make sure you have apostrophes in 'who's' and 'no one's'. The only change I made here was changing 'different' to 'beautiful'."'
Never be like the apple branch who's mean, conceited, and cruel. No one's ugly and everyone's beautiful in their own way!

Final Draft There's Beauty In Everyone The story, "The Conceited Apple Branch", is about a snobby apple blossom branch that thinks that dandelion flowers are plain and unattractive until a sunbeam teaches him the real meaning of beauty and a lesson in humility. While the apple branch is looking through a window at the castle, the text says, "'Poor despised plants,' said the apple bough, 'it is not your fault that you are so ugly and that you have such an ugly name, but it is with plants as with men—there must be a difference.'" As you can see, the apple branch is being harsh to the dandelion flowers and is making fun of them and humiliating them. Furthermore, the text says, "Then the sunbeam spoke of the boundless love of God as seen in creation and over all that lives, and of the equal distribution of His gifts, both in time and in eternity." As the apple branch is being rude to the dandelions, the sunbeam that shines on both the apple branch and the dandelions equally is trying to tell the apple branch that all plants are beautiful in their own way and that he shouldn't be so harsh and cruel to the flowers. Never be like the apple branch who's mean, conceited, and cruel. No one's ugly and everyone's beautiful in their own way!

This was great! I only had to make very minimal corrections. Great job giving context on the story at the beginning and writing good conclusion sentences! Keep killing it!

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Original Draft BRAINS OVER BRAWNS The difference between the grasshopper and the leapfrog is that the leapfrog is much quieter and smarter than the grasshopper. The text states," The Leapfrog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more" Throughout this story, the leapfrog hasn't said one single word but however, the grasshopper and the flea are very talkative than the leapfrog. He also thinks more than saying anything which can also be an example of being smarter than the grasshopper because as the saying goes, "Think before you speak!" Furthermore, the text states," Thus. the Frog has shown that he has sense. He has brains in his head, that he has." When the King says." He has brains in his head" he's basically saying he's smart and that also shows proof of how the frog is smarter than the grasshopper because the King never said the grasshopper got brains!

Corrections BRAINS OVER BRAWNS
****"'Good title!"'

The difference between the grasshopper and the leapfrog is that the leapfrog is much quieter and smarter than the grasshopper.
****"'We have to give a little bit of background on the story before we launch right into the paragraph. This way the reader doesn't feel lost or confused. Since we briefly touch on the Flea later in the paragraph, I also included him. Also, since they capitalize Leapfrog, Grasshopper, and Flea in the story, we have to capitalize it here too."'
In the story, "The Leaping Match", a Grasshopper, a Flea and a Leapfrog compete in front of the King to see who can jump the highest, and whoever wins gets a prize. The Grasshopper and the Leapfrog are very different in a few ways. For starters, the Leapfrog is much quieter and smarter than the Grasshopper.

The text states," The Leapfrog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more" Throughout this story, the leapfrog hasn't said one single word but however, the grasshopper and the flea are very talkative than the leapfrog.
****"'The only thing I changed here was I took out 'but' before however and changed 'very talkative than' to 'quite talkative'. I took out 'but' because it's almost the same as 'however', so we don't need both. It would be like 'but but'."'
The text states, "The Leapfrog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more;" Throughout this story, the Leapfrog doesn't say a single word; however, the Grasshopper and the Flea are quite talkative.

He also thinks more than saying anything which can also be an example of being smarter than the grasshopper because as the saying goes, "Think before you speak!"
****"'I only slightly modified this."'
Since the Leapfrog thinks more than he speaks, this is a good example of being smarter than the Grasshopper because, as the saying goes, "Think before you speak!"

Furthermore, the text states," Thus. the Frog has shown that he has sense. He has brains in his head, that he has." When the King says." He has brains in his head" he's basically saying he's smart and that also shows proof of how the frog is smarter than the grasshopper because the King never said the grasshopper got brains!
****"'I only slightly modified this as well by kind of chopping this sentence in half to make things a little clearer."'
Furthermore, the text states, "Thus. the Frog has shown that he has sense. He has brains in his head, that he has." When the King says, "He has brains in his head," he's saying that the Leapfrog is intelligent, but the King doesn't say that the Grasshopper is smart! Since the Leapfrog used his brain and thought before acting, he won the contest instead of the Grasshopper, who wasn't smart and acted before thinking.

Final Draft BRAINS OVER BRAWNS In the story, "The Leaping Match", a Grasshopper, a Flea and a Leapfrog compete in front of the King to see who can jump the highest, and whoever wins gets a prize. The Grasshopper and the Leapfrog are very different in a few ways. For starters, the Leapfrog is much quieter and smarter than the Grasshopper. The text states, "The Leapfrog said not a word; but people said that perhaps he thought the more;" Throughout this story, the Leapfrog doesn't say a single word; however, the Grasshopper and the Flea are quite talkative. Since the Leapfrog thinks more than he speaks, this is a good example of being smarter than the Grasshopper because, as the saying goes, "Think before you speak!" Furthermore, the text states, "Thus. the Frog has shown that he has sense. He has brains in his head, that he has." When the King says, "He has brains in his head," he's saying that the Leapfrog is intelligent, but the King doesn't say that the Grasshopper is smart! Since the Leapfrog used his brain and thought before acting, he won the contest instead of the Grasshopper, who wasn't smart and acted before thinking.

The biggest thing for you to work on at the moment is adding some context about the story at the beginning of your paragraph before you really go into what the story is about. Everything else is pretty much perfect and I only have to change minor details, so the intro sentence and adding context is really the biggest thing right now. You're doing so great!:) Edited by Lainey Morris

Hahaha thank you so much again and I hope you stay safe and thank you for all the help I really appreciate it. Maybe when I go back to school my grammar skills are going to be even better because of you!

- Sirasa

Aw that makes me so happy to hear! I really appreciate your questions and the fact that you take my suggestions and use them in your writing, I can really tell! You've improved so much and it's awesome to see how hard you're working. Never be afraid to ask questions, whether to me or a teacher in any other subject! I'm always happy to help and answer any questions, you're doing awesome:) - Lainey Morris

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Original Draft ABANDONED

The protagonist is Little Gerda and the antagonist is the Finland woman. The text states," The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own... There stood poor Gerda, without shoes, without gloves, in the midst of cold, dreary, ice-bound Finland " First of all, Greda is the protagonist because she is mentioned a lot in the story, but I don't know how to show that in this response. Also, she got abandoned by the Finland woman which is another reason why Greda is the protagonist. The Finland woman is the total opposite of Greda. Greda is sweet and nice. but the Finland woman is cruel. The text states," 'Oh, I have forgotten my boots and my mittens,' cried little Gerda, as soon as she felt the cutting cold; but the reindeer dared not stop, so he ran on till he reached the bush with the red berries. Here he set Gerda down, and he kissed her, and the great bright tears trickled over the animal's cheeks; then he left her and ran back as fast as he could." This wasn't the reindeer's fault. The Finland woman forced the reindeer to do this since the reindeer and the Finland woman are friends.

Corrections ABANDONED
****"'I kept this title!"'
****"'Also, I can't promise that the corrections and suggestions here will be especially helpful because this story was really random and confusing."'

The protagonist is Little Gerda and the antagonist is the Finland woman.
****"'I just lightly reworded this to give more context about what the story is, and I also took out the part about the Finland woman and saved it for a little bit later."'
In the story, "The Lapland Woman and the Finland Woman", Gerda is the protagonist.

The text states," The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own... There stood poor Gerda, without shoes, without gloves, in the midst of cold, dreary, ice-bound Finland "
****"'I kept this mostly the same, only slightly changing the front of the sentence before the quote."'
In the story, it says that "The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own... There stood poor Gerda, without shoes, without gloves, in the midst of cold, dreary, ice-bound Finland."

First of all, Greda is the protagonist because she is mentioned a lot in the story, but I don't know how to show that in this response. Also, she got abandoned by the Finland woman which is another reason why Greda is the protagonist.
****"'For the first sentence, I pretty much kept what you were saying (minus the part after the comma of course). As for the part about the Finland woman, I changed it and made it a separate sentence so I could use it as a segway into talking about why she's the antagonist."'
Since Gerda is mentioned the most in the story, you can tell that she's the protagonist. Since the Finland woman abandoned Gerda, you can tell that she is the antagonist.

The Finland woman is the total opposite of Greda. Greda is sweet and nice. but the Finland woman is cruel.
****"'This part I mostly just mashed into one sentence."'
The Finland woman is the total opposite of Gerda - Gerda is sweet and nice; however, the Finland woman is cruel.

The text states," 'Oh, I have forgotten my boots and my mittens,' cried little Gerda, as soon as she felt the cutting cold; but the reindeer dared not stop, so he ran on till he reached the bush with the red berries. Here he set Gerda down, and he kissed her, and the great bright tears trickled over the animal's cheeks; then he left her and ran back as fast as he could."
****"'I kept this quote and just changed the part before it."'
The story says, ,"'Oh, I have forgotten my boots and my mittens,' cried little Gerda, as soon as she felt the cutting cold; but the reindeer dared not stop, so he ran on till he reached the bush with the red berries. Here he set Gerda down, and he kissed her, and the great bright tears trickled over the animal's cheeks; then he left her and ran back as fast as he could."

This wasn't the reindeer's fault. The Finland woman forced the reindeer to do this since the reindeer and the Finland woman are friends.
****"'I also pretty much kept this too and reworded it, then added a little bit more for a conclusion."'
The reindeer didn't want to leave Gerda - it was the Finland woman who forced the reindeer to do this. Because Gerda is mentioned so much in this story, you know that she is the protagonist, and since the Finland woman has conflict with Gerda and is the opposite of her, you can tell that she is the antagonist.

Final Draft ABANDONED In the story, "The Lapland Woman and the Finland Woman", Gerda is the protagonist. In the story, it says that "The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own... There stood poor Gerda, without shoes, without gloves, in the midst of cold, dreary, ice-bound Finland." Since Gerda is mentioned the most in the story, you can tell that she's the protagonist. Since the Finland woman abandoned Gerda, you can tell that she is the antagonist. The Finalnd woman is the total opposite of Gerda - Gerda is sweet and nice; however, the Finland woman is cruel. The story says, ,"'Oh, I have forgotten my boots and my mittens,' cried little Gerda, as soon as she felt the cutting cold; but the reindeer dared not stop, so he ran on till he reached the bush with the red berries. Here he set Gerda down, and he kissed her, and the great bright tears trickled over the animal's cheeks; then he left her and ran back as fast as he could." The reindeer didn't want to leave Gerda - it was the Finland woman who forced the reindeer to do this. Because Gerda is mentioned so much in this story, you know that she is the protagonist, and since the Finland woman has conflict with Gerda and is the opposite of her, you can tell that she is the antagonist.

I just want to say the companies article I did doesn't look too good and you can tell I didn't put much effort AT ALL so sorry about that, \I'm SO sorry if it made you do so much work. Thanks for understanding btw. Sorry if I didn't do that good last time but I hope this is better at least! (Also I kinda didn't get this article so sorry if I got it all wrong -w-) Thanks- Sirasa

Haha that's okay! I hope you're all right. And yeah, this story was weird and kind of confusing for me too, so I don't blame you at all! Because of that, I didn't give you a bunch of suggestions. Honestly, I'm sorry I wasn't able to do a better job with this, it was just a weird story. Just read the ones I put in the paragraph below and keep in mind other things I've told you. You're doing great and I really appreciate you asking questions and explaining things like this, it's really helpful and let's me know that you're not just slacking off or anything (not that I think you would in the first place). Keep up the great work! Edited by Lainey Morris

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COMPANIES

Company in this story means a business or a group of people operating or working in a business. The text states," 'I’ll tell if you will keep quiet a moment. Is the company full?'...' I want to join.' " Since the company means a group of people, Fred asked if he could join the company because it's not full yet. Furthermore, the text states," I want to go with the company.” The words with the company are basically saying "I want to go with them" so this also means that the company is a group of people working in a business.

Corrections COMPANIE
****"'The singular version of this word is spelled 'company'. Also, I changed the title just so that it gave the reader a better idea on what this story would be about."'
Captain Benson's Company

Company in this story means a business or a group of people operating or working in a business.
****"'So in this story, company doesn't actually mean what we normally think of when we hear the word. In this case, it's actually referring to a military unit. In the military, companies usually have around 80-150 soldiers and are led by a captain (like in this story) or a major. I know it's a weird name for something in the military, but that's what company means in this story! To fit with that, I reworded this sentence."'
In this story, "The Soldier Boy", the word 'company' is referring to a military unit.

The text states," 'I’ll tell if you will keep quiet a moment. Is the company full?'...' I want to join.' "
****"'When you want to quote characters, it's helpful to say who is speaking before you put the quote. I also took out the part of the quote where he says he wants to join so I could use it in my explanation next."'
In the story, Fred tells Tom, "'I’ll tell if you will keep quiet a moment. Is the company full?"

Since the company means a group of people, Fred asked if he could join the company because it's not full yet.
****"'This is true, but it doesn't really add anything to your paragraph. I reworded this."'
When Tom asks what company, he explains that he wants to join Captain Benson's company.

Furthermore, the text states," I want to go with the company."
****"'I also reworded this a bit. I also added a little bit more to show that the company is a military unit."'
Fred even says, "I want to go with the company." You can tell that the company in this story is a military unit because the man who leads the company is a captain and Tom asks Fred, "Are you willing to take the oath of allegiance, and swear to sustain the flag of your country?"

The words with the company are basically saying "I want to go with them" so this also means that the company is a group of people working in a business.
****"'I reworded this too."'
It isn't clear at first, but we can come to find out that in this story, Fred wants to join the military with Tom and be in Captain Benson's company, or military unit.

Final Draft Captain Benson's Company In this story, "The Soldier Boy", the word 'company' is referring to a military unit. In the story, Fred tells Tom, "'I’ll tell if you will keep quiet a moment. Is the company full?" When Tom asks what company, he explains that he wants to join Captain Benson's company. Fred even says, "I want to go with the company." You can tell that the company in this story is a military unit because the man who leads the company is a captain and Tom asks Fred, "Are you willing to take the oath of allegiance, and swear to sustain the flag of your country?" It isn't clear at first, but we can come to find out that in this story, Fred wants to join the military with Tom and be in Captain Benson's company, or military unit.

Biggest thing for this is to just read closely so you understand the story. In this context, "company" was talking about a military unit, not a business. I know company is a weird word for military stuff, but if you're ever confused, don't be afraid to ask your sister or do some light research to figure out the meaning of the word. Also don't be afraid to add more of your own words like we talked about! You can do it! Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft SIMILARITIES

One boy from the story is creative and the other boy is artistic. The text states," One of the boys, while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and[106] twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it." This boy took a lump of clay and turned it into a person! Isn't that creative? In addition, the text also states," It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was." Since he was a famous painter when he grew up, that means he was artistic. Both of these boys is similar somehow because they both are actually creative AND artistic! The first boy sculped a person out of clay which means he is both creative and artistic. The same goes for the second boy because he was a painter and painters can also be creative.

Corrections SIMILARITIES
****"' I changed this article just to give the reader a better idea of what this paragraph is about."'
Two Brothers and Their Similarities

One boy from the story is creative and the other boy is artistic.
****"'We need to have an introduction here first. The reader doesn't know what the story is, so we have to give them some context, even if it's just a little bit."'
In the story, there were four brothers. Two of them were close in their similarities, but they were also different.

The text states," One of the boys, while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and[106] twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it."
****"'For this part, I have some more introduction with this quote since we changed the first line to give a short introduction."'
The text describes the first boy and tells how "while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and[106] twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it."

This boy took a lump of clay and turned it into a person! Isn't that creative?
****"'I mostly kept this part, but added to the front that the boy was a sculptor since he was sculpting things from clay."'
The text describes the first boy and tells how "while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and[106] twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it." This first brother was a sculptor, and he took a lump of clay and turned it into a person! Isn't that creative?

In addition, the text also states," It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was."
****"'The reader could get confused here since there's nothing that says this part is about the second brother. So I added a detail to let the reader know that this was the second brother. I also used the entire quote to better explain what it was that cribbled and crawled in the boy's brain. This is a really long quote, but this is a time which it's okay to use this quote to explain more about the brother."'
The text describes the next brother and says, "The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers - flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was."

Since he was a famous painter when he grew up, that means he was artistic.
****"'I kept this same message, but reworded the sentence a little bit."'
The second brother became a famous painter, so he must've been really artistic.

Both of these boys is similar somehow because they both are actually creative AND artistic! The first boy sculped a person out of clay which means he is both creative and artistic. The same goes for the second boy because he was a painter and painters can also be creative.
***"'I combined all three of these sentences and then added a conclusion to the end since this paragraph didn't really have one. You would also say "Both of these boys are similar", not "Both of these boys is similar", since "boys" is plural. I'm guessing "sculped" was a typo, but just in case, the word is spelled "scultped". As for the last sentence, painters are pretty much guaranteed to be creative. Since they create art, that pretty much automatically makes them creative."'
The boys were both artists, because one was a sculptor and one was a painter, so they were both very creative AND artistic. Even though the brothers had different talents, they were both very creative and artistically talented.

Final Draft Two Brothers and Their Similarities In the story, there were four brothers. Two of them were close in their similarities, but they were also different. The text describes the first boy and tells how "while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and[106] twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it." This first brother was a sculptor, and he took a lump of clay and turned it into a person! Isn't that creative? The text describes the next brother and says, "The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers - flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was." The second brother became a famous painter, so he must've been really artistic. The boys were both artists, because one was a sculptor and one was a painter, so they were both very creative AND artistic. Even though the brothers had different talents, they were both very creative and artistically talented.

I see that you read this article, but I feel like you didn't put the usual amount of effort into this paragraph. I understand school is weird right now, I just finished up my finals so I was super busy. I added in my comments in the corrections some specific notes for you to read to better understand the story and some tips for the future. I hope you read them and that they help you! Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft THE HAPPY FAMILY

In this story, the snails were acting like humans by talking and snails can't talk so that's a human feature. The text states," And all this magnificence is food for snails—the great white snails, which grand people in olden times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, "H'm, how nice!" This shows that the snails could talk which they actually can't in real life. Not English anyways. Also, the text states," "There is nothing better than what we have here," said the Father Snail. "I wish for nothing beyond." This also shows that these snails are acting like humans. like I said before, they talk which isn't real but they're acting like humans and talking English is a human feature.

Corrections THE HAPPY FAMILY
****"'Since there's not really another good title for this paragraph since you're talking about this story, using the same title here is okay."'

In this story, the snails were acting like humans by talking and snails can't talk so that's a human feature.
***"'First, we have to introduce the story and give a brief explanation on what it's about. Then we can go into talking about how the snails are similar to humans."'
The story, "The Happy Family", tells a tale about a family of snails. In the story, the snails were behaving very similarly to humans in many ways.

The text states," And all this magnificence is food for snails—the great white snails, which grand people in olden times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, "H'm, how nice!" This shows that the snails could talk which they actually can't in real life. Not English anyways.
****"' Here, the quote you used is actually the humans talking about how delicious the snails were, so the snails didn't actually say this quote. Instead, I added a different quote and sort of changed up your explanation."'
Firstly, the snails are speaking, and the Mother Snails brags about how wonderful they are, saying things like, "There has really been more done for us than for any other creatures. Every one must see that we are superior beings. We have houses from our very birth, and the burdock forest is planted on our account. I should like to know just how far it reaches, and what there is beyond." The Mother Snail was talking with the Father Snail here, which snails can't actually do in real life (well, they can't speak English anyway).

Also, the text states," "There is nothing better than what we have here," said the Father Snail. "I wish for nothing beyond." This also shows that these snails are acting like humans.
****"'For this part, I just reworded things a bit so you don't have to say "the text states" or "this also shows". You don't necessarily have to avoid those two phrases, but I thought I would give an example anyway in case you wanted to use something different."'
The Father Snail replies to the Mother Snail, saying, "There is nothing better than what we have here, I wish for nothing beyond." This is another example of how these snails are talking and having conversations about themselves and their homes.

like I said before, they talk which isn't real but they're acting like humans and talking English is a human feature.
****"' I assumed that the lack of capitalization at the beginning of this sentence was a typo, but keep a lookout for that anyway. You would also say "speaking English" instead of "talking English". I reworded this sentence a little bit just to give it a smoother flow."'
Snails can't talk in real life - only humans do that - but in the story, the snails speak in English to each other, which makes them seem very similar to humans!

Final Draft THE HAPPY FAMILY The story, "The Happy Family", tells a tale about a family of snails. In the story, the snails were behaving very similarly to humans in many ways. Firstly, the snails are speaking, and the Mother Snails brags about how wonderful they are, saying things like, "There has really been more done for us than for any other creatures. Everyone must see that we are superior beings. We have houses from our very birth, and the burdock forest is planted on our account. I should like to know just how far it reaches, and what there is beyond." The Mother Snail was talking with the Father Snail here, which snails can't actually do in real life (well, they can't speak English anyway). The Father Snail replies to the Mother Snail, saying, "There is nothing better than what we have here, I wish for nothing beyond." This is another example of how these snails are talking and having conversations about themselves and their homes. Snails can't talk in real life - only humans do that - but in the story, the snails speak in English to each other, which makes them seem very similar to humans!

Mainly for this, you just misunderstood one of the quotes, so just make sure you're reading closely and understanding the story. You'll also see I edited some things just to give you some examples of different wording in case you don't want to say "the text states" or "this shows", but you don't necessarily have to take my suggestions. Overall, good job. Keep working hard! Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft

DON'T LET PRIDE OVERCOME YOU

In the story," The Buckwheat" the author is trying to tell us to not let pride overcome you. The text states," 'I am as valuable as any other corn,' said he, 'and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree?' The buckwheat thinks he's greater than anyone else which is a bad sign in all stories and real-life situations. Also, the text states," 'Bend your head as we do," cried the ears of corn; 'the angel of the storm is coming; his wings spread from the sky above to the earth beneath. He will strike you down before you can cry for mercy.' 'But I will not bend my head,' said the buckwheat...When the dreadful storm had passed, the flowers and the corn raised their drooping heads in the pure still air, refreshed by the rain, but the buckwheat lay like a weed in the field, burnt to blackness by the lightning." As you can see, the buckwheat thought he was the smartest and the most handsome so he didn't follow the rules and died because of having too much pride. Therefore, the authors' message to us was not to let pride overcome us or else it can lead to bad things.

Corrections DON'T LET PRIDE OVERCOME YOU
****"' I like this title!"'

In the story," The Buckwheat" the author is trying to tell us to not let pride overcome you.
****"'This is a good sentence. I only modified it a little bit and then added an extra sentence for just a little more context about the story."'
In the story, "The Buckwheat", the author is trying to tell us not to let pride overcome us. The story is about a field of plants, and the buckwheat is very prideful and arrogant.

The text states," 'I am as valuable as any other corn,' said he, 'and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree?' The buckwheat thinks he's greater than anyone else which is a bad sign in all stories and real-life situations.
****"'I also pretty much kept this the same, I only changed the beginning and explanation a little bit."'
In the story, the buckwheat says, "'I am as valuable as any other corn,' said he, 'and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree?'" The buckwheat thinks that he is greater than everyone else, which is never a good sign for anybody, even in real-life.

Also, the text states," 'Bend your head as we do," cried the ears of corn; 'the angel of the storm is coming; his wings spread from the sky above to the earth beneath. He will strike you down before you can cry for mercy.' 'But I will not bend my head,' said the buckwheat...When the dreadful storm had passed, the flowers and the corn raised their drooping heads in the pure still air, refreshed by the rain, but the buckwheat lay like a weed in the field, burnt to blackness by the lightning."
****"'This part squeezes a lot of the story into a few sentences, so I tried to add just a little more context."'
When a storm comes, the plants tell the buckwheat to bend his head to stay safe, but the buckwheat says, "But I will not bend my head,". Later, "When the dreadful storm had passed, the flowers and the corn raised their drooping heads in the pure still air, refreshed by the rain, but the buckwheat lay like a weed in the field, burnt to blackness by the lightning."

As you can see, the buckwheat thought he was the smartest and the most handsome so he didn't follow the rules and died because of having too much pride.
****"'I only tweaked this a little bit too, changing "rules" to "advice" and also added "arrogant" toward the beginning of the sentence."'
As you can see, the buckwheat was arrogant and thought he was the smartest and most handsome plant, so he didn't listen to the advice he was given and died because of it.

Therefore, the authors' message to us was not to let pride overcome us or else it can lead to bad things.
****"' Just a small thing, but since there is only one author, you would say "author's" instead of "authors'". I also only tweaked this a little bit too to make it a bit more effective (and kind of dramatic, but in a good way)."'
It's important that we not let our own pride overcome us, or we could end up like the buckwheat.

Final Draft DON'T LET PRIDE OVERCOME YOU In the story, "The Buckwheat", the author is trying to tell us not to let pride overcome us. The story is about a field of plants, and the buckwheat is very prideful and arrogant. In the story, the buckwheat says, "'I am as valuable as any other corn,' said he, 'and I am much handsomer; my flowers are as beautiful as the bloom of the apple blossom, and it is a pleasure to look at us. Do you know of anything prettier than we are, you old willow-tree?'" The buckwheat thinks that he is greater than everyone else, which is not a good sign for anybody, even in real-life. When a storm comes, the plants tell the buckwheat to bend his head to stay safe, but the buckwheat says, "But I will not bend my head,". Later, "When the dreadful storm had passed, the flowers and the corn raised their drooping heads in the pure still air, refreshed by the rain, but the buckwheat lay like a weed in the field, burnt to blackness by the lightning." As you can see, the buckwheat was arrogant and thought he was the smartest and most handsome plant, so he didn't listen to the advice he was given and died because of it. It's important that we not let our own pride overcome us, or we could end up like the buckwheat.

This was awesome! Definitely your best paragraph so far. All of my corrections were minor things, but other than that it was perfect! I'm so glad you're working hard, it definitely shows! Keep up the awesome work! Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft

                                                                          The Little Mermaid!

The princesses were different from each other because they all had their own separate beauty and personality. The text states," They were six beautiful children, but the youngest was the prettiest of all; her skin was as soft and delicate as a rose-leaf, her eyes as blue as the deepest sea, but like all the others she had no feet, and instead of legs she had a fish's tail." Ariel is known as the little mermaid and she is the youngest and prettiest out of all her sisters. Furthermore, the text states," Each little princess had her own little plot of garden, where she could dig and plant just as she liked. One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid, but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams. She was a curious child, quiet and thoughtful, and while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks, she would have nothing besides the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy." You can tell that all the sisters are different than each other, especially Ariel. She's timid and quiet and has a different taste in designing her garden than her sisters. To sum up, ariel and her sisters are different from each other in many ways like their beauty and their personality.

Corrections The Little Mermaid!
****"'This is the same title as the story itself, but it should be okay because that's probably the only title that would work here. Plus, often times in book reports you'll title them the same title of the story."'

The princesses were different from each other because they all had their own separate beauty and personality.
****"'This is true, but first we have to introduce the story in general to the reader."'
"The Little Mermaid" is the story of a mermaid princess named Ariel.

The text states," They were six beautiful children, but the youngest was the prettiest of all; her skin was as soft and delicate as a rose-leaf, her eyes as blue as the deepest sea, but like all the others she had no feet, and instead of legs she had a fish's tail." Ariel is known as the little mermaid and she is the youngest and prettiest out of all her sisters.
****"'Here, I included the quote, but I gave a little bit more context about Ariel beforehand. Then, I just sort of reworded your explanation, but you did a really good job! I can tell that you read my comments about explaining your quotes!"'
Ariel is the youngest out of her six sisters, but she is different from the rest of them. The text says that "They were six beautiful children, but the youngest was the prettiest of all; her skin was as soft and delicate as a roseleaf, her eyes as blue as the deepest sea, but like all the others she had no feet, and instead of legs she had a fish's tail." Ariel is not only the youngest of her sisters, but she is also the prettiest.

Furthermore, the text states," Each little princess had her own little plot of garden, where she could dig and plant just as she liked. One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid, but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams. She was a curious child, quiet and thoughtful, and while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks, she would have nothing besides the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy."
****"'Since this is such a long quote, it's good to break it up into chunks. Doing this gives you more space to add in your own words so that the reader doesn't feel like they're reading just quotes. Also, it allows you to sort of trim the quotes down so you only use what you need. You'll also notice that I have one quote stated out of order, which I usually don't do, but for this context it makes sense (you'll see what I mean)."'
Furthermore, the text says "Each little princess had her own little plot of garden, where she could dig and plant just as she liked. One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid, but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams." Most of her sisters "decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks," but Ariel was "a curious child, quiet and thoughtful" and the only decorations she had in her garden were "the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy."
****"'As you can see, I broke this quote up into four chunks so that I could add my own words and take out what I didn't think was necessary. I took out "She was a curious child, quiet and thoughtful" from the original quote and moved it further down in my paragraph to give it a better flow and feel to it. I also trimmed "she would have nothing besides the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy." so that I could add some of my own words before it and still get the details of the quote."'

You can tell that all the sisters are different than each other, especially Ariel.
****"'This part I just slightly reworded again. Great job with explaining your quote again!"'
You can tell that all of the sisters are different from each other, but especially Ariel.

She's timid and quiet and has a different taste in designing her garden than her sisters.
****"'I like how you have two sentences for your explanation here, that's awesome! I only added "very" in this sentence to stress how different Ariel is from her sisters."'
She's timid and quiet and has a very different taste from her sisters in designing her garden.

To sum up, ariel and her sisters are different from each other in many ways like their beauty and their personality.
****"'You didn't capitalize Ariel here, which is probably just a typo, but reading over your work once you finish will help you catch little mistakes like that. Trust me, I know it's not fun, but it has saved some of my grades before because I was able to catch some mistakes I made! For this sentence, I ended up breaking it into two. Since this was a story and not an article, it was a little more difficult to make a conclusion sentence for, but I tried to just stress how different Ariel is from her sisters again."'
Like any siblings, the six mermaid princesses are unique, but Ariel is truly unlike any of her sisters.

Final Draft The Little Mermaid! "The Little Mermaid" is the story of a mermaid princess named Ariel. Ariel is the youngest out of her six sisters, but she is different from the rest of them. The text says that "They were six beautiful children, but the youngest was the prettiest of all; her skin was as soft and delicate as a roseleaf, her eyes as blue as the deepest sea, but like all the others she had no feet, and instead of legs she had a fish's tail." Ariel is not only the youngest of her sisters, but she is also the prettiest. Furthermore, the text says "Each little princess had her own little plot of garden, where she could dig and plant just as she liked. One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid, but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams." Most of her sisters "decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks," but Ariel was "a curious child, quiet and thoughtful" and the only decorations she had in her garden were "the rosy flowers like the sun up above, except a statue of a beautiful boy." You can tell that all of the sisters are different from each other, but especially Ariel. She's timid and quiet and has a very different taste from her sisters in designing her garden. Like any siblings, the six mermaid princesses are unique, but Ariel is truly unlike any of her sisters.

This was awesome! I could really tell that you read my tips on explaining quotes and you did really well! I only edited them with slight revisions to boost them just a little bit more to help you along, but you did a great job! I appreciate you reading my comments and suggestions and using them when you write. The biggest thing for you to focus on is the length of your quotes, which I know can be tricky sometimes, but I wrote some extra comments in this one today that I hope will be helpful in explaining what I did, why I did it, and how I did it. If you're still sort of confused, feel free to let me know and I'll do my best to explain it better. Great work, keep it up! Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft

                                                                                    Get Your ZZZs

During the study, what happened to the research participants had weaker brain waves and large ways of fluid were washed into the participant's brain. The text states," The scientists, who published the results of the study in the journal Science in late 2019, found that similar to rats and baboons, large waves of cerebrospinal fluid washed through the participants' brains during non-REM sleep, the deepest part of the cycle. Even more interesting, the EEG readings showed that during this time, neurons started to turn off and on in a synchronized fashion." This shows what happens when you don't get enough sleep. Furthermore, the text states," Since patients with Alzheimer's have been observed to have less frequent and weaker brain waves, the researchers suspect that poor sleep in patients with neurological disorders may be impacting the brain's cleansing process and causing toxins to accumulate, eventually leading to degeneration." If you don't sleep well, this can happen as it did to the research participants. Not getting enough sleep can hurt you so it's important to get enough sleep

Corrections Get Your ZZZs
****"'I like this title, but I thought it needed to have some more enthusiasm that really grabs the reader's attention. I kept the idea of your title and just added a bit more."'
Make Sure You Get Your ZZZs!

During the study, what happened to the research participants had weaker brain waves and large ways of fluid were washed into the participant's brain.
****"'I saw that you said you had a lot of schoolwork, and I totally understand that so don't worry about it. I'm still going to edit though and add comments just so it'll help you if you need it."'
****"'So this sentence is true, but we have to first introduce the study and why there's even a study in the first place. I added a lot here, just because we had to introduce the paragraph as a whole (briefly talk about sleep so that the reader knows why there was a study on sleep), and then we had to introduce the study itself (who it was led by, what they had participants do, etc.)."'
We all know sleep is important, but do you know how important? As it turns out, "sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades." Recently, researchers have found that sleeping "for an average of 8 hours daily enables the brain to cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins." To study this more closely, Dr. Laura Lewis, an assistant professor of biomedical engineering at Boston University, along with a team of scientists recently conducted their own study to see for themselves. The scientists had their 13 participants "spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine." Participants were "also required to wear an EEG (electroencephalography) cap." Apparently, the "MRI machines allowed the scientists to measure the brain's blood oxygen and cerebrospinal fluid levels, while the EEG caps enabled them to monitor its electrical currents."

The text states," The scientists, who published the results of the study in the journal Science in late 2019, found that similar to rats and baboons, large waves of cerebrospinal fluid washed through the participants' brains during non-REM sleep, the deepest part of the cycle. Even more interesting, the EEG readings showed that during this time, neurons started to turn off and on in a synchronized fashion."
****"' So for this part, since we didn't mention the earlier study on the rats and baboons, we shouldn't mention it here. The reader would probably see that and be like, "What? What do rats and baboons have to do with this?" Instead, you can cut this quote in half so that you only mention the part about cerebrospinal fluid. Then, to avoid putting one long quote that's made of more than one sentence, I added a space in between quotes with some of my own words. This way, you don't look like you're just pulling from the article a bunch."'
As it turns out, the scientists discovered that "large waves of cerebrospinal fluid washed through the participants' brains during non-REM sleep, the deepest part of the cycle." On top of this, "the EEG readings showed that during this time, neurons started to turn off and on in a synchronized fashion."

This shows what happens when you don't get enough sleep.
****"' You said that you had a lot of schoolwork, so I understand that you probably weren't totally focused on this. You also always put in your best effort on these, so it's okay if you miss something every once in a while. But just to clarify, in the study, they found that while the participants slept, their brains were experiencing all of those things; however, those were all good things that the brain is supposed to do during sleep. So when you don't get enough sleep, your brain doesn't get to do all of those cleansing things, and that's when it is negative. Because of this, I deleted this sentence and rewrote one that sort of summarized the quote in my own words."'
As the participants slept, their brains were cleansing themselves with the cerebrospinal fluid because the neurons shutting off "caused less blood to flow into the brain," which allowed the fluid to wash through the brain.

Furthermore, the text states," 

Since patients with Alzheimer's have been observed to have less frequent and weaker brain waves, the researchers suspect that poor sleep in patients with neurological disorders may be impacting the brain's cleansing process and causing toxins to accumulate, eventually leading to degeneration."
****"' I assume that the line break between the quotations and the words is a typo. I just fixed that and kept the actual sentence itself."'
Furthermore, the text says that "Since patients with Alzheimer's have been observed to have less frequent and weaker brain waves, the researchers suspect that poor sleep in patients with neurological disorders may be impacting the brain's cleansing process and causing toxins to accumulate, eventually leading to degeneration."

If you don't sleep well, this can happen as it did to the research participants.
****"'So like I said earlier, what happened to the participants was good. We want that to happen to our brains, which is why we need to sleep. Because of this, I changed the sentence."'
If you don't get enough sleep, your brain might not be able to cleanse itself properly like the researchers studied, which could lead to serious damage like degeneration.

Not getting enough sleep can hurt you so it's important to get enough sleep
****"'This is true, but I just rewrote it in a way to be more enthusiastic. Also, don't forget your period in the end (although I suspect that was a typo as well)!
It might seem like a waste of time, but it's important that we all get enough sleep so that we can protect our brains and stay healthy.

Final Draft Make Sure You Get Your ZZZs! We all know sleep is important, but do you know how important? As it turns out, "sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades." Recently, researchers have found that sleeping "for an average of 8 hours daily enables the brain to cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins." To study this more closely, Dr. Laura Lewis, an assistant professor of biomedical engineering at Boston University, along with a team of scientists recently conducted their own study to see for themselves. The scientists had their 13 participants "spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine." Participants were "also required to wear an EEG (electroencephalography) cap." Apparently, the "MRI machines allowed the scientists to measure the brain's blood oxygen and cerebrospinal fluid levels, while the EEG caps enabled them to monitor its electrical currents." As it turns out, the scientists discovered that "large waves of cerebrospinal fluid washed through the participants' brains during non-REM sleep, the deepest part of the cycle." On top of this, "the EEG readings showed that during this time, neurons started to turn off and on in a synchronized fashion." As the participants slept, their brains were cleansing themselves with the cerebrospinal fluid because the neurons shutting off "caused less blood to flow into the brain," which allowed the fluid to wash through the brain. Furthermore, the text says that "Since patients with Alzheimer's have been observed to have less frequent and weaker brain waves, the researchers suspect that poor sleep in patients with neurological disorders may be impacting the brain's cleansing process and causing toxins to accumulate, eventually leading to degeneration." If you don't get enough sleep, your brain might not be able to cleanse itself properly like the researchers studied, which could lead to serious damage like degeneration. It might seem like a waste of time, but it's important that we all get enough sleep so that we can protect our brains and stay healthy.

Sorry if this was lame. I had a lot of assignments in my school. -Sirasa

Hey Sirasa, I totally understand that. It's finals week for me, so I have all kinds of work to do (but it's almost over, yay). If you scroll down to the end of the paragraph before this one, you'll see where I tried to explain better how to explain your quotes - I hope it helps! The comments I have for this paragraph are pretty much the same for the previous one, but I'm sure after you read what I said about explaining quotes that you'll be able to really improve there (hopefully it makes sense). I really appreciate you always putting forth your best effort and asking questions, that stuff will get you far with your teachers as you get older! Keep up the great work:) Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft

Today is Earth Day and Things YOU Can do to Help Save OUR World.

Some ways we can help the earth is to repurpose trash and conserve energy. The text states," The number of garbage trucks Americans fill each year would stretch halfway to the moon. Toilet paper tubes, made from cardboard, take two months to decompose in a landfill. A plastic bottle sticks around for way longer—it can take over 450 years to break down! But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter. Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed." This helps the earth a lot! As the text stated, it takes very long to decompose a landfill and takes over 450 years to break down! That is a very long time. So to stop this, we can reuse things in the trash and turn it into something useful. Furthermore, the text states," Electricity doesn’t just happen—it has to be produced from things around us. A lot of times it comes from fossil fuels (such as coal, oil, or natural gas) that contribute to climate change. But electricity can also be made from renewable sources like wind, water, the sun, and even elephant dung! No matter where it’s coming from, try conserving electrical energy by using only what you need." This also is another way to help the earth by consuming electricity. Everything here is the least we can do to save the earth so please don't litter and pollute.

Corrections Today is Earth Day and Things YOU Can do to Help Save OUR World.
****"'Since this title is the one that was also used in the article, I changed it."'
Today is Earth Day - Here Are Things YOU Can Do to Help OUR Planet

Some ways we can help the earth is to repurpose trash and conserve energy.
****"'This is a good way to introduce these two topics, but first we have to introduce the article as a whole. Why are you writing about ways we can help the earth? Also, I separated it to where trash and conserving energy were in two different parts of the paragraph because the reader could forget that you mentioned conserving energy when you jump into it after talking about repurposing garbage."'
In honor of Earth Day, here are some ways you can help the earth: a simple way to help the earth is by repurposing trash.

The text states," The number of garbage trucks Americans fill each year would stretch halfway to the moon. Toilet paper tubes, made from cardboard, take two months to decompose in a landfill. A plastic bottle sticks around for way longer—it can take over 450 years to break down! But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter. Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed."
****"'Instead of saying "the text states," I changed it to a more casual way by saying "the text says that". Doing this gives your paragraph a better flow and feels less rigid. Also, I took out the last sentence of this quote since you already mentioned repurposing yourself."'
The text says that "The number of garbage trucks Americans fill each year would stretch halfway to the moon. Toilet paper tubes, made from cardboard, take two months to decompose in a landfill. A plastic bottle sticks around for way longer—it can take over 450 years to break down! But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter."

This helps the earth a lot! As the text stated, it takes very long to decompose a landfill and takes over 450 years to break down! That is a very long time.
****"'For this part, I sort of smushed them together to make one fluid sentence (I did remove the last sentence though). Three fairly short sentences all in a row can seem kind of choppy, and putting them together to make one or two fluid sentences can combat that. It can also make your work look cleaner and easier for the reader to read."'
Repurposing garbage like this helps the earth a lot by keeping trash that takes hundreds of years to break down out of the environment.

So to stop this, we can reuse things in the trash and turn it into something useful.
****"'This I just sort of reworded this to make it seem a little less repetitive of what you've already said about repurposing."'
It also helps you by giving you something useful!

Furthermore, the text states," Electricity doesn’t just happen—it has to be produced from things around us. A lot of times it comes from fossil fuels (such as coal, oil, or natural gas) that contribute to climate change. But electricity can also be made from renewable sources like wind, water, the sun, and even elephant dung! No matter where it’s coming from, try conserving electrical energy by using only what you need."
****"'For this part, I was able to just put everything into my own words instead of having one big, long quote. You could typically add small pieces of a long quote if you wanted to, but for this one I couldn't really find any good pieces to use."'
Conserving energy is also helpful to the environment. The electricity we use every day has to come from somewhere, and it usually comes from fossil fuels. Fossil fuels are things such as coal, oil, or natural gas and they all contribute to climate change.

This also is another way to help the earth by consuming electricity.
****"' I took this part out and added some suggestions for how to cut down on energy use instead."'
To fight this, turn off the lights or TV when you're not in the room.

Everything here is the least we can do to save the earth so please don't litter and pollute.
****"' I really liked this personal touch for your conclusion sentence! It does a good job of closing the paragraph while also hitting an emotional, personal point with the reader. I only touched it up a tad."'
Our earth does so much for us, the least we can do is help out where we can by doing simple things like this.

Final Draft Today is Earth Day - Here Are Things YOU Can Do to Help OUR Planet In honor of Earth Day, here are some ways you can help the earth: a simple way to help the earth is by repurposing trash. The text says that "The number of garbage trucks Americans fill each year would stretch halfway to the moon. Toilet paper tubes, made from cardboard, take two months to decompose in a landfill. A plastic bottle sticks around for way longer—it can take over 450 years to break down! But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter." Repurposing garbage like this helps the earth a lot by keeping trash that takes hundreds of years to break down out of the environment. It also helps you by giving you something useful! Conserving energy is also helpful to the environment. The electricity we use every day has to come from somewhere, and it usually comes from fossil fuels. Fossil fuels are things such as coal, oil, or natural gas and they all contribute to climate change. To fight this, turn off the lights or TV when you're not in the room. Our earth does so much for us, the least we can do is help out where we can by doing simple things like this.

Great job here, as usual! I always appreciate how much work you put into your paragraphs. There isn't anyone particular thing I have to harp on, mainly just read my comments and if you have any questions about them, feel free to ask! You're doing so great!

P.S. Oh and when I said that I need help, I need help explaining my quotes. I don't always want to do " This means that..." or " This shows that..." because it kinda sounds boring you know? I want to know how to fully express my quotes and I think you go to NYU (my teacher told me but I'm not sure) and my sister got a scholarship for that college and I hope you guys become besties UwU and that is an awesome college so congratulations! Anyways, is it okay if you give me some tips about how you explain your quotes? Thank you VERY much! Your edits have helped me a lot throughout this month and I really appreciate it! - Sirasa Shakya

Hey Sirasa! I just want to let you know how much it means to me that you would say those sweet things, hearing that my edits have helped you make me so happy! It also means a lot that you're asking questions - kids often underestimate the power of asking questions, but I've learned throughout the years (and especially now) that teachers love when kids ask questions. It shows that they care about their work and it makes teachers want to help you out more. Now onto your question! Explaining quotes can be kind of tricky sometimes, but I'll do my best. The best way to start explaining your quotes is to make sure you've read the article thoroughly and you understand what you've read. Then, after you've added your quote, instead of just restating what the quote itself said, link it to your own understanding of what you've read. Here's a good example I found on WikiHow:

Iago mocks himself and his feigned innocence in this speech, exclaiming "Divinity of hell! / When devils will the blackest sins put on / They do suggest at first with heavenly shows, / As I do now". Iago hates that he must play an innocent underling in his own plot, but at the same time he realizes that the easiest method to achieve his goals is to hide his true intentions under a cloak of innocence.

Okay, so that was probably from a book report someone had to write and all of the / refer to line breaks in a poem. Anyway, notice how this person started out with their own words to discuss the quote, then added the quote, and then, instead of saying something like "This means that..." or "This shows that..." they just went right into the explanation. They could've put one of those at the front of their explanation, but without it, it's more effective to the reader and it looks cleaner. So to make a long story short, a great way to explain your quotes is to add the quote, and then in your own words, write your understanding of the quote as your explanation without either of those two opening phrases you mentioned. If you have trouble writing it in your own words, you could try reading the quote and then write on a separate piece of paper (without glancing back at the quote) your own understanding of it. Hopefully, that helps! Sorry if it was confusing at all! P.S. Unfortunately, I do not go to NYU :( I go to Auburn University in Alabama (very sad for me), but tell your sister congratulations on getting into NYU! That's a huge accomplishment!

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Original Draft

                      Maryland Teens Go On Grocery Store Runs for Seniors and Vulnerable Neighbors Amid COVID-19 Fears

The boys are helping the seniors by shopping for them and delivering supplies. The text states, "In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible." This helps the seniors because they are too old for going around at this time. Plus, it's also easy to catch the coronavirus so the boys shopped for them. Furthermore, the text states," The two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland have devised a way for Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need." Now we know that the grandparents also have health conditions so it's even riskier if they go out. The two boys helped thew seniors and now the whole neighborhood is doing the same thing. This saves many lives.

Corrections Maryland Teens Go On Grocery Store Runs for Seniors and Vulnerable Neighbors Amid COVID-19 Fears
****"'This is a great title!"'

The boys are helping the seniors by shopping for them and delivering supplies.
****"'For an opening sentence, this feels more like I started reading in the middle of the paragraph. We have to first address who the boys are, where they're from, and why they're helping the seniors."'
Montgomery Blair High School sophomores, Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai, from Silver Spring, Maryland, has come up with a plan to help the senior citizens and citizens with underlying health conditions during the outbreak of COVID-19. The teens came up with Teens Helping Seniors, a service project where "Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need."

The text states, "In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible."
****"' I broke this quote up to add a chance for my own words."'
To make sure they don't unintentionally spread the virus, the "teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering." They even wear gloves while they shop and deliver, "and offer curbside pickup when possible."

This helps the seniors because they are too old for going around at this time. Plus, it's also easy to catch the coronavirus so the boys shopped for them.
****"'For this part, we need can combine these two sentences to create one sentence with better flow. I also added a little extra after that."'
Senior citizens and people with underlying health conditions are more likely to get sick with coronavirus and are often unable or too afraid to go out to get necessities like food and medicine during this time. Thankfully, the teens of the community have made a way for them to get the things they need.

Furthermore, the text states," The two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland have devised a way for Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need."
****"' This quote comes from the very beginning of the story, so it's a little too late to have it added now. Plus, we've already said this. I took this quote out because of this."'

Now we know that the grandparents also have health conditions so it's even riskier if they go out.
****"'Well, it didn't actually say that the grandparents have health conditions, it said "grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions. I took this part out too."'

The two boys helped thew seniors and now the whole neighborhood is doing the same thing.
****"' I assume that "thew" was just a typo. I also elaborated a bit more in this sentence."'
Their mission has spread across Maryland and even made its way to Washington D.C.

This saves many lives.
****"' This sentence doesn't really feel very conclusive, so I added to it and reworded it a bit."'
Thanks to these teens, their contributions are saving lives.

Final Draft Maryland Teens Go On Grocery Store Runs for Seniors and Vulnerable Neighbors Amid COVID-19 Fears Montgomery Blair High School sophomores, Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai, from Silver Spring, Maryland, have come up with a plan to help the senior citizens and citizens with underlying health conditions during the outbreak of COVID-19. The teens came up with Teens Helping Seniors, a service project where "Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need." To make sure they don't unintentionally spread the virus, the "teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering." They even wear gloves while they shop and deliver, "and offer curbside pickup when possible." Senior citizens and people with underlying health conditions are more likely to get sick with COVID-19 and are oftentimes unable or too afraid to go out to get necessities like food and medicine during this time. Thankfully, the teens of the community have made a way for them to get the things they need. Their mission has spread across Maryland and even made its way to Washington D.C. Thanks to these teens, their contributions are saving lives.

Great title again! Just reread your work when you finish and take note of my comments. You're doing a great job! Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft

                      Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving Home
 Two ways the story reports that Earth Day is being celebrated is that people do earth day activities at home and to the world's largest digital climate conference. The text states," US Space Agency NASA is celebrating the momentous day with an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit. The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home." This is one way to celebrate earth day. You can get the kit and play fun games and activities for your family! Furthermore, the text states," The Earth Day Network, in partnership with online climate activist organizations We Don't Have Time and Exponentialroadmap has planned the world's largest digital climate conference. From April 20 to April 24, 2020, over 100 experts from a wide range of industries and five continents will meet over the internet to discuss topics ranging from climate finance to food and agriculture to local government. The free five-day event, which will be live-streamed to viewers worldwide via the wedonthavetime.org website will culminate on April 25, 2020, with a Climate Hackathon." This is another way to celebrate Earth day at home. you can join the digital conference and experts will talk about Earth day. Therefore, these are two ways to celebrate Earth day at home.                    

Corrections Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving Home
****"' You are really good at making titles! The only thing I changed here was the capitalization of "the" and "of". The word "the" is an article and the word "of" is a preposition, and in a title, articles and prepositions aren't capitalized (there are exceptions sometimes, but in this case, they are kept lowercase)."'
Celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Earth Day Without Leaving Home

 Two ways the story reports that Earth Day is being celebrated is that people do earth day activities at home and to the world's largest digital climate conference. 

****"'This is one of those things where you have to imagine that the person reading this paragraph is from Mars. Reading this, they'd probably think, "What is Earth Day? Why are these people celebrating at home?" If you have a good introduction, it reduces any chances of confusion for the reader (or the alien if they're from Mars). So what I did was I gave a short definition of Earth Day, when it is celebrated, and how it is usually celebrated. This covers the first question ("What is Earth Day?"). Next, I explained that the coronavirus outbreak is what is causing people to celebrate from home because of all of the shutdowns. This covers the second question ("Why are these people celebrating from home?"), and now you can move on to the actual story."'
Earth Day, a holiday dedicated to environmental protection, is held on April 22 every year. People celebrate this holiday by doing things such as picking up litter, planting trees, and recycling. Unfortunately, due to the outbreak of the coronavirus, shutdowns are keeping people from celebrating like they normally would.

The text states," US Space Agency NASA is celebrating the momentous day with an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit. The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home."
****"' It's good that you're using quotes from the story; however, it's limiting the number of your own words that are ending up in your article. Something you can do to make sure you're getting a good amount of your words it is by adding a small descriptor like, "To make sure people can still celebrate," and then going into your quote. That way, you have some of your own words in there and you're giving a good quote. I also added just a little bit more context before talking about NASA and Toolkit."'
To make sure people can still celebrate, "organizations, educators, and activists worldwide have devised numerous ways to mark the 50th anniversary of this all-important holiday, which is dedicated to climate action this year, without leaving the comfort of your homes." Even NASA is joining in by "celebrating the momentous day with an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit." Toolkit is a "collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials that will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home."

This is one way to celebrate earth day. You can get the kit and play fun games and activities for your family!
****"'Instead of straight-up saying "This is one way to celebrate Earth Day", you can say something to combine these two sentences so that it's clear that this is one of the points you're making, but you're saying it in a way that's a little more subtle. This way the reader doesn't feel thrown off by any unintentional rigidity."'
This way, kids and adults alike will still get to celebrate the earth while they play games and have fun with their families at home!

Furthermore, the text states," The Earth Day Network, in partnership with online climate activist organizations We Don't Have Time and Exponentialroadmap has planned the world's largest digital climate conference. From April 20 to April 24, 2020, over 100 experts from a wide range of industries and five continents will meet over the internet to discuss topics ranging from climate finance to food and agriculture to local government. The free five-day event, which will be live-streamed to viewers worldwide via the wedonthavetime.org website will culminate on April 25, 2020, with a Climate Hackathon."
****"'This is a huge chunk of information, which is good, but breaking it up into smaller chunks with your words in between will make it seem less like you're just putting the story in your story. Like I said on one of your previous drafts, breaking up parts of a quote can be helpful to have both information from the article as well as your own wording of the information (that way you don't get in trouble for copying). Look at what I do next as an example:"'
Furthermore, "The Earth Day Network, in partnership with online climate activist organizations We Don't Have Time and Exponentialroadmap has planned the world's largest digital climate conference." This conference will last for five days, from April 20 to April 24, 2020, and will feature over 100 experts in various industries from five continents who "will meet over the internet to discuss topics ranging from climate finance to food and agriculture to local government." The event is completely free and will be live-streamed to viewers all over the world through the website, wedonthavetime.org. The event "will culminate on April 25, 2020, with a Climate Hackathon."
****"'See what I mean? I still used the same quote, but this time I broke it up and added my own words here and there to give it a better flow. It also shows that I read the article and I can talk about it in my own words without having to quote such a large chunk of the article."'

This is another way to celebrate Earth day at home.
****"'First, both "Earth" and "Day" should be capitalized, because the whole phrase ("Earth Day") is a proper noun since it's a holiday. Usually, I take out sentences like this, but this time I kept it and then added detail about the coronavirus (since that's the reason people have to celebrate from home)."'
This is another great way for people to celebrate Earth Day at home without risking exposure to the coronavirus.

you can join the digital conference and experts will talk about Earth day.
****"'Since "you" is at the beginning of the sentence, it needs to be capitalized. Also, I mostly kept this sentence with the brief addition of a few details that we've already discussed."'
You can join the digital conference and listen to the experts talk about Earth Day, climate, and many other interesting topics.

Therefore, these are two ways to celebrate Earth day at home.
****"'This is true, but let's write something that explains this same idea while also being a little more enthusiastic to make a great conclusion sentence."'
Isolation isn't fun, but you can still have a good time this Earth Day with these two awesome platforms!

Final Draft Celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Earth Day Without Leaving Home Earth Day, a holiday dedicated to environmental protection, is held on April 22 every year. People celebrate this holiday by doing things such as picking up litter, planting trees, and recycling. Unfortunately, due to the outbreak of the coronavirus, shutdowns are keeping people from celebrating like they normally would. To make sure people can still celebrate, "organizations, educators, and activists worldwide have devised numerous ways to mark the 50th anniversary of this all-important holiday, which is dedicated to climate action this year, without leaving the comfort of your homes." Even NASA is joining in by "celebrating the momentous day with an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit." The toolkit is a "collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials that will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home." This way, kids and adults alike will still get to celebrate the earth while they play games and have fun with their families at home! Furthermore, "The Earth Day Network, in partnership with online climate activist organizations We Don't Have Time and Exponentialroadmap has planned the world's largest digital climate conference." This conference will last for five days, from April 20 to April 24, 2020, and will feature over 100 experts in different industries from five continents who "will meet over the internet to discuss topics ranging from climate finance to food and agriculture to local government." The event is completely free and will be live-streamed to viewers all over the world through the website, wedonthavetime.org. The event "will culminate on April 25, 2020, with a Climate Hackathon." This is another great way for people to celebrate Earth Day at home without risking exposure to coronavirus. You can join the digital conference and listen to the experts talk about Earth Day, climate, and many other interesting topics. Isolation isn't fun, but you can still have a good time this Earth Day with these two awesome platforms!

Great work here, you're killing it with the titles! I'm always impressed with what you come up with. Most of your mistakes seem to be random, careless errors that you probably don't usually make. Reading over your paragraph when you finish writing it is a good way to double-check for those things. Just make sure you're reading my comments and taking note of my suggestions and I'm sure you'll improve in no time! Keep up the great work! Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft

                          Passionate can equal to success

Some accomplishments that William Winslow achieved was that he told people to give kids food, he collected 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000, and he helped kids get access to food. In the text, it states, "There, he talked shoppers into buying food — 1,400 pounds worth — to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." He was kind and passionate enough to do this. Also, the text states," Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree." This shows that he's helping to end childhood hunger. William is very kind enough to do this and we all appreciate his passion for saving children from starving.

Corrections

   Passionate can equal to success

****"' You always have such great titles! I only changed it a tiny bit."'
Passion Can Equal Success

Some accomplishments that William Winslow achieved was that he told people to give kids food, he collected 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000, and he helped kids get access to food.
****"'Who is William Winslow? Why did he tell people to give kids food? How did he get all this money? Give some context first in your introduction sentence before diving into the more detailed stuff."'
William Winslow, a 14-year-old from North Carolina, has had a passion for ending childhood hunger since he was in first grade.

In the text, it states, "There, he talked shoppers into buying food — 1,400 pounds worth — to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
****"'For this part, I added more context around it (why he talked the shoppers into buying food, where he was, etc.)"'
After he learned that "as many as 1 in 5 kids in his state were at risk for hunger - including some of his classmates.", William convinced his mom to take him to their local Food Lion, where he talked other shoppers into buying "1,400 pounds worth" of food "to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."

He was kind and passionate enough to do this.
****"'We can tell from reading about his actions that he is kind and passionate, so we don't need to clearly state it. Because of this, I deleted this sentence."'

Also, the text states," Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree."
****"'In this part, I added some of my own words plus the quote."'
It's been seven years, and now "he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree."

This shows that he's helping to end childhood hunger.
****"' Again, we can tell from reading that he's doing his part to help end childhood hunger, so I took this sentence out too."'

William is very kind enough to do this and we all appreciate his passion for saving children from starving.
****"' I reworded this sentence to still highlight our appreciation for William while making the sentence good for the conclusion."'
At the young age of 14, William has already done so much for his community and his passion for ending childhood hunger is an inspiration to us all.

Final Draft Passion Can Equal Success William Winslow, a 14-year-old from North Carolina, has had a passion for ending childhood hunger since he was in first grade. After he learned that "as many as 1 in 5 kids in his state were at risk for hunger - including some of his classmates.", William convinced his mom to take him to their local Food Lion, where he talked other shoppers into buying "1,400 pounds worth" of food "to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." It's been seven years, and now "he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree." At the young age of 14, William has already done so much for his community and his passion for ending childhood hunger is an inspiration to us all.

Keep up the good work, don't be afraid to ask anyone for help. You're doing a great job! Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft

       ---I don't know what to put for a title -w-   
       Two events that are stated in this article is that Japanese people are graduating online and robots are helping then celebrate remotely. In the text, it states," The event, which was held at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, started with university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom." This shows the university president telling students about this online graduation. Furthermore, the text states," Each time a student's name was called out by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated 'New' me' avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president. The graduate was able to experience the event, and hear the handful of school staff in attendance clap and shout-out their 'congratulations,' via a digital tablet attached to each New'me's head. Once Mr. Omae had placed the certificate on a rack, mounted on the New'mes midsection, the beaming students remotely posed with him for an official graduation photo." This is how they are going to graduate and robots are going to help the teachers and staff to help the students graduate remotely which isn't that easy. To sum up, these are the two events that are stated in this article. 

   I need help in explaining my quotes. If it's ok with you can you please help me out? Thanks- Sirasa ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

Corrections

    ---I don't know what to put for a title -w-   

****"'That's okay! Sometimes writer's block makes it difficult to come up with a title. I'll help you out!"'
Avatar Robots: the Remote Experience

       Two events that are stated in this article is that Japanese people are graduating online and robots are helping then celebrate remotely. 

****"' I think when you said "then" here it was just a typo, but for future reference, going back over your paragraph and reading it again is a good way to check for mistakes you may have made. Also, instead of explicitly saying that there are two events, go ahead and tell the reader what they are. Another thing: make this opening sentence just a little more introductory by adding context (why are there robots? Why are students graduating online?)."'
Due to the outbreak of COVID-19, students of Business Breakthrough University in Tokyo weren't able to attend their graduation ceremonies in person. Thankfully, professor Shugo Yanaka, Dean of Global Business Administration, came up with a great idea to allow these students to experience their graduation remotely.

In the text, it states," The event, which was held at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, started with university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom."
****"'For this part, I reworded things a bit so that the more important things stood out, like the date and the place. Then, I combined it with a quote about the actual ceremony."'
On March 28, 2020, at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace, the university used "avatar robots to enable students to 'attend' their graduation ceremony without leaving home." These robots, called New"Me"s, "dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president."

This shows the university president telling students about this online graduation.
****"' Usually, the reader can pick up on what you're saying without you having to say "this shows...". For this reason, I deleted this sentence."'

Furthermore, the text states," Each time a student's name was called out by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated 'New' me' avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president. The graduate was able to experience the event, and hear the handful of school staff in attendance clap and shout-out their 'congratulations,' via a digital tablet attached to each New'me's head. Once Mr. Omae had placed the certificate on a rack, mounted on the New'mes midsection, the beaming students remotely posed with him for an official graduation photo."
****"'Since this is a long quote, I only used the most important parts where I used it above: the parts about what the robots wore, how they received the diploma, and who gave the diploma."'
These robots, called New"Me"s, "dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president."

This is how they are going to graduate and robots are going to help the teachers and staff to help the students graduate remotely which isn't that easy.
****"'This is another instance where the reader knows what's going on, so we don't need to tell them again. Instead, add some more details about the rest of the story that wasn't about the graduation."'
ANA Holdings, the company responsible for creating these robots, "believes it will enable business people to attend meetings remotely, allow people with mobility issues to go on 'vacation', and help doctors treat critically-ill patients in hard-to-reach places, such as Antarctica or the space station." Thanks to these robots, people with mobility issues will be able to have fun, and doctors will be able to help those in need.

To sum up, these are the two events that are stated in this article.
****"'This sentence isn't really conclusive. Instead, say a short sentence about the robots in particular to make a good conclusion."'
These new avatar robots will certainly do amazing things in the future.

   I need help in explaining my quotes. If it's ok with you can you please help me out? Thanks- Sirasa ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

****"'Yes! I would love to! What do you need?"'

Final Draft Due to the outbreak of COVID-19, students of Business Breakthrough University in Tokyo weren't able to attend their graduation ceremonies in person. Thankfully, professor Shugo Yanaka, Dean of Global Business Administration, came up with a great idea to allow these students to experience their graduation remotely. On March 28, 2020, at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace, the university used "avatar robots to enable students to 'attend' their graduation ceremony without leaving home." These robots, called New"Me"s, "dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president." ANA Holdings, the company responsible for creating these robots, "believes it will enable business people to attend meetings remotely, allow people with mobility issues to go on 'vacation', and help doctors treat critically-ill patients in hard-to-reach places, such as Antarctica or the space station." Thanks to these robots, people with mobility issues will be able to have fun, and doctors will be able to help those in need. These new avatar robots will certainly do amazing things in the future.

A helpful tip: you don't always have to use an entire quote - you can use just the part you need. For example, let's say an article said "Harry Styles was a baker in high school. He liked baking bread, cupcakes, and other pastries. When he was 16, he auditioned for the X-Factor with the song 'Isn't She Lovely', where he ended up meeting Simon Cowell, who put him in the group that became One Direction." If I was writing about the members of the band One Direction, I might not need the part about what song Harry Styles sang. So, if I just wanted to include his age and how he met Simon Cowell, I could say "When Harry Styles was 16, 'he auditioned for the X-Factor,". Thanks to his audition, 'he ended up meeting Simon Cowell, who put him in the group that became One Direction.'" See how I didn't use that entire quote? I only used the parts that I needed. I used short snips of sentences, but I included them with the flow of my sentence so that what I was saying led into the quote (ex. Sally said that she would "love to go see One Direction" but she doesn't have time.) Using really long quotes might make the reader get bored with what you're saying, so using your own words + short snips of quotes will keep them awake and paying attention to what you're saying. Sorry if that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, it's difficult to explain this without talking out loud! You're doing really well! I always look forward to reading your paragraphs because I can tell how much effort you put into them. I think as long as you double-check your work for random mistakes, you'll be great! You're doing a great job now, too. I hope what I said above was helpful, keep up the good work! Edited by Lainey Morris

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Original Draft Being an Astronaut Isn't That Easy!

   If a person wants to be an astronaut, they need requirements which are that the person should have experience at flying like planes. They also need to be social in order to be an astronaut. The article states," You also need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." Like I said before, you need to have experience and these are examples of experiences you need to have to become an astronaut. You don't need to have experience in flying or engineering. You can have other experiences like computer science or mathematics. Furthermore, the text states," They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and able to work as part of a team." Not only do you need to be social to be a NASA astronaut, but you also need to be independent and be a good leader. That's a lot in order to be a NASA astronaut, but there's even more! For example, being in good shape, you need good eyesight, you need a master's degree in STEM, and many more. It's not as easy as you think!

Corrections Being an Astronaut Isn't That Easy!
****"'This is an awesome title! I didn't change it at all. Great job!"'

   If a person wants to be an astronaut, they need requirements which are that the person should have experience at flying like planes. 

****"'Since this sentence isn't very introductory, I added some more introduction and, in a separate sentence, went ahead and added the quote from the article about planes."'
Being an astronaut is no easy task, but do you know all of NASA's requirements that an astronaut has to meet? NASA says that they "need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted."

They also need to be social in order to be an astronaut.
****"' For this part, I sort of kept part of it, but then added in the quote from the article about teamwork."'
Being an astronaut also requires some social skills: "They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and able to work as part of a team."

The article states," You also need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted."
****"' This part would've been better after your first sentence since it doesn't relate to being social. Since I already used this quote earlier though, I took it out here."'

Like I said before, you need to have experience and these are examples of experiences you need to have to become an astronaut.
****"' From reading this paragraph, the reader knows that these are examples of experience needed to become an astronaut. I removed this part because of that."'

You don't need to have experience in flying or engineering. You can have other experiences like computer science or mathematics.
****"' Here, I sort of rewrote the sentence and added in the quote about having a master's degree in STEM. Also, since the quote about flying already says other work experience is also accepted, I took the part about not needing experience flying a plane out."'

Furthermore, the text states," They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and able to work as part of a team."
****"'Since I already used this quote earlier, I took it out here."'

Not only do you need to be social to be a NASA astronaut, but you also need to be independent and be a good leader.
****"' This was basically already stated in the quote above, so I took this part out as well."'

That's a lot in order to be a NASA astronaut, but there's even more! For example, being in good shape, you need good eyesight, you need a master's degree in STEM, and many more.
****"'For this part, since we already mentioned the master's degree in STEM, I took that part out and just included the quote about the eyesight and being in good physical shape."'
On top of that, NASA requires that their Astronaut Candidates "also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape."

It's not as easy as you think!
****"' I kept this sentence, but I wrote some extra stuff for some more conclusion and used your part at the very end."'
Being an astronaut for NASA isn't all about rockets and space! A lot goes into being able to become an astronaut - it's not as easy as you might think!

Final Draft Being an Astronaut Isn't That Easy! Being an astronaut is no easy task, but do you know all of NASA's requirements that an astronaut has to meet? NASA says that they "need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." Being an astronaut also requires some social skills: "They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and able to work as part of a team." You might think that you need an engineering degree, but you could get "a master's degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math)." So if engineering isn't your strong suit, don't worry! A master's degree in any STEM field is accepted. On top of that, NASA requires that their Astronaut Candidates "also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape." Being an astronaut for NASA isn't all about rockets and space! A lot goes into being able to become an astronaut - it's not as easy as you might think!

This was some good work! Just make sure you're not repeating yourself and the article by saying one thing and then adding the quote that says it again after it. Also, be mindful of the order that you put your quotes - if your quote doesn't match with the sentence you wrote before it, it won't make much sense. Just read back over your work when you finish and it'll help you avoid easy mistakes. Keep up the good work! Edited by Lainey Morris

---

Original Draft Who'll win this fight?"

      The two opposing sides are Mayor De Blasio and Governor Cuomo. In the text, it states," It’s likely the mayor’s decision will ultimately stick, as public health officials and the governor himself have warned against rushing back to normal before it is safe to do so. If school buildings stay closed, about a third of the 2019-20 academic year will have been spent at home, an unprecedented undertaking that could have long-term consequences on the academic achievement and social-emotional well being of children." This is Mayor De Blasio's side and he's talking about how NYC schools will shut down for the rest of the year. Furthermore, in the text, it states," 'There has been no decision. That’s the mayor’s opinion. I value it,' Cuomo said. 'But the decision will be coordinated.' " This shows the other side which is Governor Cuomo's side. He's saying that it's not a hundred percent confirmed and that that was only Mayor De Blasio's opinion. Therefore, these are the two opposing sides in this article.

Corrections
Who'll win this fight?"
****"'Nice title! However, I wouldn't describe what's happening between the mayor and the governor as a fight. Instead, maybe some sort of tense disagreement."'
Tensions rise between NYC mayor, Bill de Blasio, and Governor Andrew Cuomo

      The two opposing sides are Mayor De Blasio and Governor Cuomo. 

****"'Okay, for this sentence, we need a little more context. Assume that the reader is from Mars - who are these people? Where are they from? What are they disagreeing about? We need to know what happened first before we go into the fact that they disagree. For this reason, I added the context and an extra sentence to show that Cuomo has an opposing opinion instead of explicitly saying it."'
On Saturday, Mayor de Blasio of New York City announced that the city's schools will not be reopening for the rest of the school year. However, this didn't seem to go over well with New York's governor, Andrew Cuomo, who called this announcement "premature".

In the text, it states," It’s likely the mayor’s decision will ultimately stick, as public health officials and the governor himself have warned against rushing back to normal before it is safe to do so. If school buildings stay closed, about a third of the 2019-20 academic year will have been spent at home, an unprecedented undertaking that could have long-term consequences on the academic achievement and social-emotional well being of children."
****"'For this part, I kept the quote, but I broke it up so that it would be in two separate sentences. This way, it's easier to read and easier to identify the reasoning for the mayor's decision as well as the negative consequences of his decision."'
Still, the text says that "It's likely the mayor's decision will ultimately stick, as public health officials and the governor himself have warned against rushing back to normal before it is safe to do so." Unfortunately, the text also says that "If school buildings stay closed, about a third of the 2019-20 academic year will have been spent at home, an unprecedented undertaking that could have long-term consequences on the academic achievement and social-emotional well being of children."

This is Mayor De Blasio's side and he's talking about how NYC schools will shut down for the rest of the year.
****"'Since Mayor de Blasio himself did not say this, I took this part out. Also, note that his last name is "de Blasio", not "De Blasio" (the "de" is not capitalized)."'

Furthermore, in the text, it states," 'There has been no decision. That’s the mayor’s opinion. I value it,' Cuomo said. 'But the decision will be coordinated.' "
****"'In this part, I added some more context as for why the mayor wishes to keep schools closed before adding the governor's take on this wish."'
Mayor de Blasio explains that schools remaining closed "is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,", but Governor Cuomo says that "There has been no decision. That's the mayor's opinion. I value it," and that "the decision will be coordinated."

This shows the other side which is Governor Cuomo's side. He's saying that it's not a hundred percent confirmed and that that was only Mayor De Blasio's opinion.
****"'Since we have a quote from the governor that clearly expresses that this is his side, we don't need to say that this shows his side. Because of this, I took the first sentence out. I also took out the second sentence because the reader can tell what Cuomo is saying by reading the quote, so we don't need to restate it."'

Therefore, these are the two opposing sides in this article.
****"' The prompt for this article wasn't to identify how many opposing sides there are but to identify what they are instead. Because of this, I reworded this sentence."'
As for now, the opposing views between Mayor de Blasio and Governor Cuomo remain.

Final Draft
Tensions rise between NYC mayor, Bill de Blasio, and Governor Andrew Cuomo On Saturday, Mayor de Blasio of New York City announced that the city's schools will not be reopening for the rest of the school year. However, this didn't seem to go over well with New York's governor, Andrew Cuomo, who called this announcement "premature". Still, the text says that "It's likely the mayor's decision will ultimately stick, as public health officials and the governor himself have warned against rushing back to normal before it is safe to do so." Unfortunately, the text also says that "If school buildings stay closed, about a third of the 2019-20 academic year will have been spent at home, an unprecedented undertaking that could have long-term consequences on the academic achievement and social-emotional well being of children." Mayor de Blasio explains that schools remaining closed "is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,", but Governor Cuomo says that "There has been no decision. That's the mayor's opinion. I value it," and that "the decision will be coordinated." As for now, the opposing views between Mayor de Blasio and Governor Cuomo remain.

This was a pretty good paragraph, you have really great potential and I can tell that you're a good writer! I think as long as you learn from your mistakes and take my comments and corrections into consideration, you'll improve quickly! Keep up the good work! Edited by Lainey Morris

---

'Eastern Tiger Salamanders, Once Nearly Gone from Maryland, Make a Comeback

Two reasons why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland is because they are one of the first species and important to the ecosystem. In the text it states," ' Salamanders are one of the first species many of us encounter as kids,' noted Scott McDaniel, director of the Susquehannock Wildlife Society in Darlington. 'Their seemingly smiling faces and bright colors excite the imagination as you flip a rock over or roll a log to find such a unique treasure hiding underneath.' ” As you can see these Eastern Tiger Salamanders ate one of the first species. Scott McDaniel said that they have smiling faces and that their bright colors excite us. Furthermore, the text states, "Like other amphibians, tiger salamanders are important to the ecosystem because they are predators to smaller organisms and prey for larger creatures. Since they partially breathe through their skin and require wetlands to breed, lay eggs, and develop in their larval stages, they are indicators of a healthy habitat." This shows how important that salamander is and it made a comeback to Maryland c. Therefore, these are two reasons why the Eastern Tiger Salamander is reappearing in Maryland.

                                                                                                               " A REAL MOON?"
                                                                                                    
    Super moons are different from the regular moons we see because they are brighter and bigger. In the text of how they are bigger, it states," Supermoons, which are usually about seven percent bigger." This is proof of how a supermoon is bigger. It is bigger than the regular moons we see. Furthermore, for how a supermoon is brighter the text states," ...and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon." As you can see, this is also proof of how a supermoon is brighter than regular moons. Therefore, this is how Supermoons are different than regular moons.

                                          " SOCIAL DISTANCING"
  
The negative reason for practicing social distancing is that it might be hard since when you get on a train, for example, there's a lot of people and the positive reason is that you won't get sick or catch the coronavirus. For the negative reason, the text states, "Both Hota and Rousseau know it can be difficult to keep away from others in some situations, such as on public transportation or elevators. Going to the bank or grocery store can also be hard. In these cases, social distancing means simply doing the best you can." This means that it can be difficult to stay 6 feet apart because there are so many people like I said before." Next, for the positive reason, the text states, "To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, social distancing involves 'avoiding mass gatherings' and 'maintaining distance' whenever possible." This means that social distancing helps because it helps limit the virus and if you don't do social distancing, you might as well have the flu and, who knows, maybe you might have the virus!

                                                                                                                       "A LITTLE BIT OF MAGIC GOES A LONG WAY!"

        JK Rowling thinks that children will take an interest in her new webpage and she thinks that they will have fun. In the text, it states," Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we're on lockdown might need a bit of magic." This shows that JK Rowling's webpage is working to keep children interested. The text also states," 'Harry Potter' author JK Rowling has launched an online Potter hub to keep children educated and entertained during the coronavirus pandemic." This is another way of saying that she thinks children will have fun in her new webpage. Therefore, this is how JK Rowling thinks that her webpage will help children.

                                                                                                                           " POSTPONING OLYMPICS?!"
       
         Two ways that postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing negative situations is that’s this was the first time that the Olympics have been suspended and it causes headaches and heartaches. In the text, it states,” It also figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community — for federations and leagues that must now adapt their schedules, and for the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training to compete this summer.” This shows that people have these aches for only postponing the 2020 Olympics. Furthermore, the text states,” While the Olympics have previously been canceled during periods of war, and complicated by boycotts, this is the first time they have ever been suspended.” This shows that the Olympics were suspended. Therefore, these are negative effects when they postponed the Olympics 2020

                                                                                                                       " IT'S ALL FUN AND GAMES"
       
         Two activities that seem like they would be the most fun is indoor snowball Dungeons and Dragons. In the text, for indoor snowball, it states," This 30-piece snowball kit is sure to get kids pelting soft snowballs at one another, while also running and laughing together. through Skype or Zoom. In the text for indoor snowball, it states," This 30-piece snowball kit is sure to get kids pelting soft snowballs at one another, while also running and laughing together." I personally think this seems fun because it would feel like winter and we didn't get that much snow this year so it would be amazing to play that activity. Furthermore, for Dungeons & Dragons, the text states," It shares elements with childhood games of make-believe. Like those games, D&D is driven by imagination. It’s about picturing the towering castle beneath the stormy night sky and imagining how a fantasy adventurer might react to the challenges that scene presents." This sounds really fun and I love games that can use your imagination. To sum up, I think these two activities seem fun to me.

                                                                                                                          " HOW DO YOU LEARN?"

       Some ways students can learn best while studying online is that they are most likely to complete a course and their learning is more effective. In the text, it states," Our research shows that learners who participate in the discussion forums are 37% more likely to complete a course." This shows that when they're at home, students can complete a course more easily and quicker. Furthermore, the text states," It’s easier to recall information if you’re in the same place where you first learned it, so having a dedicated space at home to take online courses can make your learning more effective." Since students are at home, you can make yourself comfortable and your learning is more effective with that. In conclusion, online classes help students with their grades and that was some ways students can learn best while studying online.

                                                                                                                         " LET'S AVOID COVID-19"
     
         In order to avoid becoming infected by the COVID-19 virus, some ways we should prevent infection is to wash your hands thoroughly so you won't get any germs. The text states, "...and how to properly wash their hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds." This means that we should ALWAYS wash our hands and wash it for 20 seconds which can also help if you sing the alphabet in your head.  Furthermore, another way in order to prevent infection is to not touch your face anywhere! Don't touch your mouth especially.  In the text, O'Leary states, "I saw that our guidance from AAP has something about teaching children not to touch their face and you know, I can picture trying to do that with a 3-year-old. It’s hard enough to get adults not to touch their faces. So you do your best.” This tells you that no one should touch their face and it's even tough for adults to not touch their face either.  Therefore, these are the two ways to prevent an infection. Stay safe!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

• • SVA - Subject Verb Agreement

Where’s your Title? Sample Title: It’s All Fun and Games

       Two activities that seem like they would be the most fun is indoor snowball Dungeons and Dragons. 

- SVA: Activities is a plural noun, so instead of using “is” which is singular, you should use “are” - Sample sentence: Two activities that seem like they would be the most fun are indoor snowball and Dungeons and Dragons.

In the text, for indoor snowball, it states," This 30-piece snowball kit is sure to get kids pelting soft snowballs at one another, while also running and laughing together. through Skype or Zoom. - Typo/ Unnecessary period. “...together(.) through Skype or Zoom - No need to reference the text. Just state in your own why these games might be fun. - Sample Sentence: Indoor snowball seems fun because there’s no need to go outside, and I can play with my friends through Skype or Zoom.

In the text for indoor snowball, it states," This 30-piece snowball kit is sure to get kids pelting soft snowballs at one another, while also running and laughing together." -Duplicate Sentence. Unnecessary

I personally think this seems fun because it would feel like winter and we didn't get that much snow this year so it would be amazing to play that activity. 

- Good, just minor stylistic changes made to your sentence. Maybe tie this in with your previous sentence - Sample Sentence: Indoor snowball seems fun because there’s no need to go outside, and I can play with my friends through Skype or Zoom. It would feel like winter, and since we didn’t get that much snow this year, it would be amazing to play.

Furthermore, for Dungeons & Dragons, the text states," It shares elements with childhood games of make-believe. Like those games, D&D is driven by imagination. It’s about picturing the towering castle beneath the stormy night sky and imagining how a fantasy adventurer might react to the challenges that scene presents."

- No need to reference the text. Just state in your own words why you think D&D might be fun - Sample Sentence: Dungeons & Dragons relies on the player’s imagination, and it sounds really fun because ________________ (your own reason)

This sounds really fun and I love games that can use your imagination.

-Tie this sentence to the previous sentence to create your “reason” for why it sounds really fun -Sample Sentence: Dungeons & Dragons relies on the player’s imagination, and it sounds really fun because that means there are a lot of different ways to play it.

To sum up, I think these two activities seem fun to me.

- Your concluding sentence is lacking the reason why these activities might seem fun to you. - Sample Sentence: These two activities will keep me occupied and will provide a lot of fun times!

Article Edited: It’s All Fun and Games

Two activities that seem like they would be the most fun are indoor snowball and Dungeons and Dragons. Indoor snowball seems fun because there’s no need to go outside, and I can play with my friends through Skype or Zoom. It would feel like winter, and since we didn’t get that much snow this year, it would be amazing to play. Dungeons & Dragons rely on the player’s imagination, and it sounds really fun because that means there are a lot of different ways to play it. Dungeons & Dragons rely on the player’s imagination, and it sounds really fun because that means there are a lot of different ways to play it. _______________________________________________________

Where’s your title? - Sample Title: How Do You Learn?

Some ways students can learn best while studying online is that they are most likely to complete a course and their learning is more effective. 

- The idea of your sentence is lost. - Are you trying to make the point that online studying is best because productivity is more effective? OR - Are you trying to emphasize the different ways to best learn online - Sample Sentence: Students who study online are most likely to complete a course and their learning becomes more effective.

In the text, it states," Our research shows that learners who participate in the discussion forums are 37% more likely to complete a course." - State this is in your own words. - Sample Sentence: Students who contribute to online discussion forums are 37% more likely to finish a course.

This shows that when they're at home, students can complete a course more easily and quicker. - No need for “This shows that”, It enables redundancy - Sample Sentence: When they’re at home, students can complete a course faster and easier.

Furthermore, the text states," It’s easier to recall information if you’re in the same place where you first learned it, so having a dedicated space at home to take online courses can make your learning more effective."

- Paraphrase what the text states - Sample Sentence: Information is easier to remember if you’re in the same place where you first learned it, so being able to learn from home enables that familiar space.

Since students are at home, you can make yourself comfortable and your learning is more effective with that.

- Parallel structures are lost with the nouns of the sentence - “Students” does not equal “you”, Instead use “they” to refer back to the students - Sample Sentence: Since the students are at home, they can make themselves comfortable and their learning becomes more effective.

In conclusion, online classes help students with their grades and that was some ways students can learn best while studying online.

- No need for the “in conclusion” since it is already your concluding thought. - Grammatical typo: “and that was some ways” - Reiterate your concluding point more cohesively. - Sample Sentence: Because of the opportunity that online learning gives with the familiarity of space, online classes can help students with their grades and therefore with their learning.

Article edited How Do You Learn?

Students who study online are most likely to complete a course and their learning becomes more effective. Students who contribute to online discussion forums are 37% more likely to finish a course. When they’re at home, students can complete a course faster and easier. Information is easier to remember if you’re in the same place where you first learned it, so being able to learn from home enables that familiar space. Since the students are at home, they can make themselves comfortable and their learning becomes more effective. Because of the opportunity that online learning gives with the familiarity of space, online classes can help students with their grades and therefore with their learning.

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Where’s your title? Sample Title: Let’s Avoid COVID-19

In order to avoid becoming infected by the COVID-19 virus, some ways we should prevent infection is to wash your hands thoroughly so you won't get any germs. - Good, edited for stylistic preferences - Sample Sentence: In order to avoid becoming infected with COVID-19, washing both hands thoroughly will help in stopping the spread of germs.

The text states, "...and how to properly wash their hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds."

This means that we should ALWAYS wash our hands and wash it for 20 seconds which can also help if you sing the alphabet in your head.

- Tie the two sentences together - Sample Sentence: It is necessary to wash both hands for at least 20 seconds. A good way to keep track of the time is by singing the alphabet!

Furthermore, another way in order to prevent infection is to not touch your face anywhere! Don't touch your mouth especially.

- Good. Combine the sentences to create a more solid point. - Sample Sentence: Another way to prevent the infection is to not touch your face, especially your mouth.

In the text, O'Leary states, "I saw that our guidance from AAP has something about teaching children not to touch their face and you know, I can picture trying to do that with a 3-year-old. It’s hard enough to get adults not to touch their faces. So you do your best.”

This tells you that no one should touch their face and it's even tough for adults to not touch their face either.

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- Tie these two sentences together - Sample Sentence: It is important to avoid touching our faces even though it may be tough for adults to avoid.

Therefore, these are the two ways to prevent an infection. Stay safe!

- Nice concluding statement. - Reiterate why these two preventative actions are important though - Sample Sentence: Washing your hands and not touching your face are two very important ways to prevent the spread of COVID-19 because it helps stop the spread of germs. Stay Safe!

Article Edit: Let’s Avoid COVID-19 In order to avoid becoming infected with COVID-19, washing both hands thoroughly will help in stopping the spread of germs. It is necessary to wash both hands for at least 20 seconds. A good way to keep track of the time is by singing the alphabet! Another way to prevent the infection is to not touch your face, especially your mouth. It is important to avoid touching our faces even though it may be tough for adults to avoid. Washing your hands and not touching your face are two very important ways to prevent the spread of COVID-19 because it helps stop the spread of germs. Stay Safe!