There are many different games you can play & do with your family even when your home. Two of the ones I think is best fun are jigsaw puzzles & read aloud. You can play jigsaws puzzles for making your brain think hard for where the pieces might go & making your reading better when you read to your siblings/ family members out loud. In the text it says " they're also for learning skills & lessons such as shape recognition, patience and delayed gratification. Also in the text it states that " reading aloud is beneficial for older & younger children, as it helps them grapple with difficult issues, reduce stress, improves vocabulary & comprehension & introduces them to literature they might otherwise ignore. Jigsaw puzzles & read aloud are helpful and I think is best fun
Edits:
There are many different games you can play & do with your family even when your home.
- Typically in written paragraphs and essays we would write out "and" instead of using "&".
- Edited for grammar; There are many different games to play and activities to do with your family even when you're home.
Two of the ones I think is best fun are jigsaw puzzles & read aloud.
- Edited for grammar; Two activities that I think are the most fun are doing jigsaw puzzles and reading aloud.
You can play jigsaws puzzles for making your brain think hard for where the pieces might go & making your reading better when you read to your siblings/ family members out loud.
- I like that you stated what your favorite activities were and then elaborated on that fact in the next sentence! In order to make sure the sentence flows naturally, try reading each sentence out loud after you type it.
- Edited for word choice; Jigsaw puzzles are great for exercising your brain when you think about where the pieces might go, and reading aloud to your family improves your reading skills.
In the text it says "they're also for learning skills & lessons such as shape recognition, patience and delayed gratification.
- Make sure when you start a quote with a quotation mark, you put another on e at the end of the quote to close it. Also, you do not have to use a whole quote! It is okay to pick a small important piece and paraphrase the rest.
- Edited for word choice and paraphrasing; The article states that jigsaw puzzles help with skills like "shape recognition, patience and delayed gratification".
Also in the text it states that " reading aloud is beneficial for older & younger children, as it helps them grapple with difficult issues, reduce stress, improves vocabulary & comprehension & introduces them to literature they might otherwise ignore.
- Since we already used one quote in this paragraph, we should paraphrase the rest so it is mostly in your own words. Quotes are great for enhancing your words, but in such a short piece they shouldn't take over.
- Edited to paraphrase; Additionally, reading out loud is great for children of all ages because it helps improve emotional issues and learning obstacles, and also allows them to read new books.
Jigsaw puzzles & read aloud are helpful and I think is best fun
- Don't forget the punctuation at the end of a sentence! Nice job tying it all together.
- Edited for grammar and punctuation; Doing jigsaw puzzles and reading aloud are helpful activities, and I think that they are fun too.
I like your instinct to explain facts that you state with evidence, but just make sure that the bulk of the sentence is in your own words. Also, don't forget that you need to have the source link underneath so the reader can see where you've quoted from.
Fully Edited Version:
There are many different games to play and activities to do with your family even when you're home. Two activities that I think are the most fun are doing jigsaw puzzles and reading aloud. Jigsaw puzzles are great for exercising your brain when you think about where the pieces might go, and reading aloud to your family improves your reading skills. The article states that jigsaw puzzles help with skills like "shape recognition, patience and delayed gratification". Additionally, reading out loud is great for children of all ages because it helps improve emotional issues and learning obstacles, and also allows them to read new books. Doing jigsaw puzzles and reading aloud are helpful activities, and I think that they are fun too.
Edited by Grace Drake
There are many reasons why they postponed the 2020 Japan's Summer Olympic Games. The ICO decided to let the athletes stay healthy for order to be safe. In the text it states that " the ICO and Japan's prime minister, Shinzo Abe, made the decision to safeguard the health of the athletes, everybody involve in the Olympic Games, and the international community, an IOC statement said. The 2020 Japan's Summer Olympic Games postponed.
JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children. One example is that it can help them enjoying what they're reading of their favorite books. Another example is that they can get a little magic and get the welcome back to hogwards. The se are the reasons why JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help lots of children.
There are positive reasons that you should practice social distancing.You should stay home to limit the spread of the coronavirus. According to the text it states to "avoiding mass gathering and maintaining distancing whenever possible. Practicing social distancing is a good reason to practice.
The main idea of the passage is that animals finally get a chance to leave their homes and roam freely. They start going out of their cages and go to the urban areas. In the text it states that, " the absence of cruse ships is bringing large numbers of dolphins to the Italian port of Caglian while flocks of wild turkeys are roaming the streets of Oakland, California." The animals roaming the places and don't stay in their homes can be harmful.
The birds are migrating south. The main reason is because the weather is getting colder and food. In the text it states that, " during the fall, the timespan for migration is much broader since birds typically start leaving once the temperature drops and there's a lack of food." The birds try to migrate to find food to eat.
There are differences of the govenor and the mayor's opinion. Cuomo thinks that there should be school when De Blasio should not have school. The text states that, " NYC schools will not reopen this academic year, mayor bill De Blasio announced Saturday. Also in the text it states that Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in saying the saying the city's more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled at the school year. The govenor and the mayor as the difference of going to school and not going to school.
Edits:
There are differences of the govenor and the mayor's opinion.
- I would specify where they disagree. Also, don't forget that "governor" has an r in the middle!
- Edited for spelling and word choice; There are differences of opinion between the governor and mayor about school closure due to COVID-19.
Cuomo thinks that there should be school when De Blasio should not have school.
- I would use their titles and full names when you first introduce them.
- Edited for grammar and word choice; Gov. Andrew Cuomo thinks that schools should remain open, while Mayor Bill de Blasio thinks they should close.
The text states that, " NYC schools will not reopen this academic year, mayor bill De Blasio announced Saturday.
- Nice job introducing the quote. If you copy and paste directly from the article, then the same capitalization and punctuation will be there! Finally, don't forget to close your quotation marks at the end of the quote.
- Edited for grammar and capitalization; The text states that, "NYC schools will not reopen this academic year, mayor Bill De Blasio announced Saturday."
Also in the text it states that Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in saying the saying the city's more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled at the school year.
- I am not sure if this is paraphrasing or a quote. If it is a quote, don't forget the quotation marks and use the exact words of the text!
- Edited for word choice; Also in the text it states that Gov. Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in thinking that the city's more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely, at least through June 26.
The govenor and the mayor as the difference of going to school and not going to school.
- Don't forget to use a closing statement before your final sentence, such as "Ultimately" or "In conclusion".
- Edited for grammar; In conclusion, the governor and mayor disagree on whether or not to close the schools.
Good job! The main thing to focus on for next time is grammar, so make sure you are reading the sentences out loud so they flow on the paper the way they would if you spoke them.
Fully Edited Version:
There are differences of opinion between the governor and mayor about school closure due to COVID-19. Gov. Andrew Cuomo thinks that schools should remain open, while Mayor Bill de Blasio thinks they should close. The text states that, "NYC schools will not reopen this academic year, mayor Bill De Blasio announced Saturday." Also in the text it states that Gov. Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in thinking that the city's more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely, at least through June 26. The governor and mayor disagree on whether or not to close the schools.
Edited by Grace Drake
All people can't enter the program to become astronauts. One example is that NASA is requiring higher education. In the text it states," this time NASA is requiring higher levels of education." Another example is that there are challenging parts for training. Also in the text it states," there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the canidates must successfuly complete them all." Astronauts all can't enter the program because there are challenging part to successes.
Edits:
All people can't enter the program to become astronauts.
- I am changing "all people can't" to "not all people can", because it sounds like nobody can become an astronaut!
- Edited for word choice; Not all people can train to become astronauts.
One example is that NASA is requiring higher education.
- I would change "example" to "obstacle" so people know that it is a challenge.
- One obstacle to becoming an astronaut is that NASA is requiring higher education.
In the text it states," this time NASA is requiring higher levels of education."
- Shift the first quotation mark over to the right so it is hugging the first word of the quote!
- Edited for punctuation; In the text it states, "this time NASA is requiring higher levels of education."
Another example is that there are challenging parts for training.
- Again, I would only change "example" to "obstacle".
- Edited for word choice; Another obstacle is that there are challenging aspects of the training.
Also in the text it states," there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the canidates must successfuly complete them all."
- Watch out for that first quotation mark! Try to copy quotes directly from the article so the spelling stays the same.
- Edited for punctuation and spelling; Also in the text it states, "there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all."
Astronauts all can't enter the program because there are challenging part to successes.
- I am changing "Astronauts all can't" to "Not all potential astronauts", because "potential" tells the reader that they are not astronauts yet.
- Edited for word choice; Not all potential astronauts can enter the program because there are challenging roadblocks to success.
Great job! I would say that the main thing to work on for next time is to pick quotes that show your point, but are not too similar to what you had said in the previous sentence. This is so sentences aren't repetitive, and you can pick a quote that shows a specific example of your general point.
Fully Edited Version:
Not all people can train to become astronauts. One obstacle to becoming an astronaut is that NASA is requiring higher education. In the text it states, "this time NASA is requiring higher levels of education." Another obstacle is that there are challenging aspects of the training. Also in the text it states, "there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all." Not all potential astronauts can enter the program because there are challenging roadblocks to success."
Edited by Grace Drake
There are differences about this graduation ceremony from other graduation ceremonies. One example is that the robots take the persons places. The text states," each time a student's was called out by a moterator, the robots would be dressed in graduation caps, gowns motered to the podium to accept the deploma from the president. The graduation ceremomy this year is different from last because of the pandemic.
Edits:
There are differences about this graduation ceremony from other graduation ceremonies.
- It is important to specify exactly which ceremony in the first sentence so the reader knows.
- Edited for word choice; A graduation ceremony in Tokyo, Japan held this year was different from other graduation ceremonies.
One example is that the robots take the persons places.
- This is a great place to use "example"! I am changing "persons" to "students" to be more specific, and don't forget the apostrophe there.
- Edited for punctuation and word choice; One example is that robots took students' places.
The text states," each time a student's was called out by a moterator, the robots would be dressed in graduation caps, gowns motered to the podium to accept the deploma from the president.
- There are just some spelling issues in the quote. To prevent this, you can copy and paste the quote directly from the article instead of typing it. I don't have a copy of the article, so I am just guessing what the quote should be. If it is incorrect, you can paste the right words from the article.
- Edited for spelling; The text states, "each time a student's name was called out by a moderator, the robots would be dressed in graduation caps, gowns, and motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president."
The graduation ceremomy this year is different from last because of the pandemic.
- Don't forget the concluding statement!
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, the graduation ceremony this year is different from the last due to a pandemic.
Fully Edited Version:
A graduation ceremony in Tokyo, Japan held this year was different from other graduation ceremonies. One example is that robots took students' places. The text states, "each time a student's name was called out by a moderator, the robots would be dressed in graduation caps, gowns, and motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president." In conclusion, the graduation ceremony this year is different from the last due to a pandemic.
Edited by Grace Drake
William had accomplished many achivments. One of them was when he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food and raised $63,000. In the text it states that 7 years later, he's collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a prudential spirit of community. William had accomplished many achivments.
Edits:
William had accomplished many achivments.
- This is a good opening sentence! I am just editing for the spelling of "achievements".
- Edited for spelling; William has accomplished many achievements.
One of them was when he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food and raised $63,000.
- I would change the beginning to say "One accomplishment was collecting", because that uses more specific wording than "one of them".
- Edited for word choice; One accomplishment was collecting more than 55,000 pounds of food and raising $63,000.
In the text it states that 7 years later, he's collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a prudential spirit of community.
- This is a great sentence! If this is a direct quote, make sure to put it in quotation marks.
William had accomplished many achivments.
- I would switch up the wording a bit because this is the exact same as your opening sentence.
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, William has accomplished many feats towards helping end hunger.
Overall, you did a good job of sticking to the structure! The one thing I would do is try to vary your first and last sentences, and make sure that if you use the author's words, then put them in quotes. Nice work!
Fully Edited Version:
William has accomplished many achievements. One accomplishment was collecting more than 55,000 pounds of food and raising $63,000. In the text it states that 7 years later, he's collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a prudential spirit of the community. In conclusion, William has accomplished many feats towards helping end hunger.
Edited by Grace Drake
Earth day this year would be celebrated at home. One thing they would do is to sing Earth day sing out. In the text it states that, community members are encourged to record themselves and sing one of the 30 suggested songs. Earth day this year is going to be celebrated at home because of the pandemic.
Edits:
Earth day this year would be celebrated at home.
- Here, I think we should change "would" to "will", because "will" implies that Earth Day will definitely be celebrated at home. Also, including the reason why it is celebrated at home is a good idea in the introduction!
- Edited for word choice and capitalization; Earth Day this year will be celebrated at home, due to COVID-19.
One thing they would do is to sing Earth day sing out.
- This is a good fact! I am changing "they" to "people", because that is more specific. Also, anything that is the title of something (like a specific event or holiday) should be capitalized!
- Edited for word choice and capitalization; One thing that people can do to celebrate is participate in Earth Day Sing Out.
In the text it states that, community members are encourged to record themselves and sing one of the 30 suggested songs.
- Great quote! Just remember to stick a quotation mark on the end of the quote as well as the beginning.
- Edited for spelling and punctuation; In the text it states, community members are encouraged to record themselves and sing one of the 30 suggested songs."
Earth day this year is going to be celebrated at home because of the pandemic.
- Nice job! Since this is the conclusion, we should use a phrase such as "in conclusion" in order to signal the ending of the paragraph.
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, Earth Day this year is going to be celebrated at home due to the pandemic.
Great job! One thing to remember for next time is that the full name of a holiday is always capitalized, and be sure to close your quotation marks by putting another one at the end of your quote."
Fully Edited Version:
Earth Day this year will be celebrated at home, due to COVID-19. One thing that people can do to celebrate is participate in Earth Day Sing Out. In the text it states, community members are encouraged to record themselves and sing one of the 30 suggested songs." In conclusion, Earth Day this year is going to be celebrated at home due to the pandemic.
Edited by Grace Drake
The boys are helping the seniors. One example is that a boy was infront of a door ful of groceries in his hands. In the text it states that Matthew Carsitano and Dhruv Pai showed up at a door with a bag full of groceries. The boys that are helping seniors is a lot of help.
Edits:
The boys are helping the seniors.
- I think we should use language that is a bit more specific, so the reader knows exactly what you mean. Seniors can be interpreted as seniors in school or senior citizens, so being more specific can help any confusion!
- Edited for word choice; A group of teenage boys are helping senior citizens in their community.
One example is that a boy was infront of a door ful of groceries in his hands.
- Edited for word choice; One example is, a boy brought a bag full of groceries to someone's doorstep.
In the text it states that Matthew Carsitano and Dhruv Pai showed up at a door with a bag full of groceries.
- This is a good example, but for next time, a stronger example from the text will expand on what you already said. Since you already told the reader that they go to people's houses with groceries, a good supporting quote might be the person's reaction to getting the groceries, or a specific fact or statistic about their project.
- Edited for word choice; In the text it states that Matthew Carsitano and Dhruv Pai donated bags of groceries.
The boys that are helping seniors is a lot of help.
Nice! Just remember to use a statement that signals the ending, such as "therefore" or "in conclusion".
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, the boys who are assisting seniors are a big help to the community.
Good job sticking to the RACE structure! One thing to work on for next time is making sure your sentences are a bit more varied so you give new information in each sentence. Nice work!
Fully Edited Version:
A group of teenage boys are helping senior citizens in their community. One example is, a boy brought a bag full of groceries to someone's doorstep. In the text it states that Matthew Carsitano and Dhruv Pai donated bags of groceries. In conclusion, the boys who are assisting seniors are a big help to the community.
Edited by Grace Drake
You can help improve the earth on Earth Day. One way is that you can plant your own tree because every year they get cut down. In the text it states that, researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees in the world are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own. In conclusion, you can improve the Earth to keep it healthy in many ways.
Edits:
You can help improve the earth on Earth Day.
- Great opening! Just remember to capitalize Earth.
- Edited for capitalization; You can help improve the Earth on Earth Day.
One way is that you can plant your own tree because every year they get cut down.
- This is a great sentence. Just watch out for extra spaces, and a comma should go before "because"!
- Edited for punctuation; One way is that you can plant your own tree, because every year they get cut down.
In the text it states that, researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees in the world are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own.
- My only comment for this sentence is, the word "that" is unneeded after "In the text it states".
In conclusion, you can improve the Earth to keep it healthy in many ways.
- Great job! I think that since you only mentioned one way to help the Earth in this paragraph, then that should be the focus of the conclusion.
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, you can improve the Earth and keep it healthy by planting a tree on Earth Day.
This was a wonderful job! You followed the structure exactly, and found a relevant quote that illustrated your point.
Fully Edited Version:
You can help improve the Earth on Earth Day. One way is that you can plant your own tree, because every year they get cut down. In the text it states, researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees in the world are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own. In conclusion, you can improve the Earth and keep it healthy by planting a tree on Earth Day.
Edited by Grace Drake
Your brain does something when you sleep. Your brain gets rid of harmful toxins. In the text it states that, " William Jagust, a professor of public health and neuroscience at the University of California, Berkeley, who was not involved in the study, believes the findings also suggest that people can reduce their risk of brain disorders like Alzheimer's by ensuring they prioritize high-quality sleep. In conclusion, your brain does a important part when you sleep.
Edits:
Your brain does something when you sleep.
- This is a great start! I think that we can make the wording a bit more specific, because "something" can be a little too vague.
- Edited for word choice; Your brain continues activity when you are sleeping.
Your brain gets rid of harmful toxins.
- Nice!
In the text it states that, " William Jagust, a professor of public health and neuroscience at the University of California, Berkeley, who was not involved in the study, believes the findings also suggest that people can reduce their risk of brain disorders like Alzheimer's by ensuring they prioritize high-quality sleep.
- Nice job! Just make sure that the first quotation mark is touching the word that comes after it. I also would get rid of "that" and just use, "In the text it states," to introduce your quote.
- Edited for punctuation and word grammar; In the text it states, "William Jagust, a professor of public health and neuroscience at the University of California, Berkeley, who was not involved in the study, believes the findings also suggest that people can reduce their risk of brain disorders like Alzheimer's by ensuring they prioritize high-quality sleep.
In conclusion, your brain does a important part when you sleep.
- Nice transition to the conclusion! Here, you would use "an" instead of "a", because the next word starts with a vowel.
- Edited for grammar and word choice; In conclusion, your brain performs an important function when you sleep.
Nice job! You stuck to the structure, and did a great job.
Fully Edited Version:
Your brain continues activity while you are sleeping. Your brain gets rid of harmful toxins. In the text it states, "William Jagust, a professor of public health and neuroscience at the University of California, Berkeley, who was not involved in the study, believes the findings also suggest that people can reduce their risk of brain disorders like Alzheimer's by ensuring they prioritize high-quality sleep. In conclusion, your brain performs an important function when you sleep.
Edited by Grace Drake
Boston Dynamics' of robot are assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic. One example is that it helps people not to get close to people who are sick. In the text it states that, University on April 9, 2020. Equipped with an iPad "face" and a two-way radio that allows for real-time conversation, Spot helps doctors to speak to patients without coming in contact with them. The robots that are helping in the COVID- 19 Pandemic are very helpful.
Boston Dynamics' of robot are assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.
- Great opening! I would remove "of" and change robot to "robots".
- Edited for grammar; Boston Dynamics' robots are assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.
One example is that it helps people not to get close to people who are sick.
- If "robots" was plural in the last sentence, we have to make sure that they are pluralized in this sentence too. I think that since you only use one example, we can use "for example" instead of "one example", because that implies that there are more than one.
- Edited for word choice and grammar; For example, they help people not get too close to others who may be sick.
In the text it states that, University on April 9, 2020. Equipped with an iPad "face" and a two-way radio that allows for real-time conversation, Spot helps doctors to speak to patients without coming in contact with them.
- Great fact! We can trim the quote a little, because it should start on "Equipped".
- Edited for word choice; In the text it states, "Equipped with an iPad "face" and a two-way radio that allows for real-time conversation, Spot helps doctors to speak to patients without coming in contact with them.
The robots that are helping in the COVID- 19 Pandemic are very helpful.
- Nice job! Don't forget a transition phrase. Also, we can vary the word choice a little so we don't repeat the word "help" twice in this sentence.
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, the robots that are assisting in the COVID-19 Pandemic are very helpful.
Overall, good work! For next time, read the quote very carefully and see if you can trim anything down so the facts that you want are the only parts of the quote.
Fully Edited Version:
Boston Dynamics' robots are assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic. For example, they help people not get too close to others who may be sick. In the text it states, "Equipped with an iPad "face" and a two-way radio that allows for real-time conversation, Spot helps doctors to speak to patients without coming in contact with them. In conclusion, the robots that are assisting in the COVID-19 Pandemic are very helpful.
Edited by Grace Drake
Based on the story, the youngest princess the most pleasure of all things. One most pleasure of all things is that she wanted to hear about the world of human beings up above. The text states that, she knew about ships and towns, animals, beautiful to her that up on the earth the flowers were scented, for they were not so at the bottom of the sea, the woods were green, and that the fish which were to be seen among the branches could sing so loudly and sweetly that it was a delight to listen to them. In conclusion, the most pleasure of all things are wanting to see humans up above.
Edits:
Based on the story, the youngest princess the most pleasure of all things.
- Nice work! I think you just forgot a word between "princess" and "the".
- Edited for word choice; Based on the story, the youngest princess experienced the most pleasure out of all things.
One most pleasure of all things is that she wanted to hear about the world of human beings up above.
- In order not to get too repetitive, I am changing the beginning to "for example".
- Edited for word choice; For example, she wanted to hear about the world of human beings up above.
The text states that, she knew about ships and towns, animals, beautiful to her that up on the earth the flowers were scented, for they were not so at the bottom of the sea, the woods were green, and that the fish which were to be seen among the branches could sing so loudly and sweetly that it was a delight to listen to them.
- Good job! Just don't forget to put another quotation mark after the quote ends. Also, in the future you can just say "the text states," because the "that" is not needed!
- Edited for punctuation and grammar; The text states, she knew about ships and towns, animals, beautiful to her that up on the earth the flowers were scented, for they were not so at the bottom of the sea, the woods were green, and that the fish which were to be seen among the branches could sing so loudly and sweetly that it was a delight to listen to them."
In conclusion, the most pleasure of all things are wanting to see humans up above.
- Nice job! Since it is the conclusion, I would mention the princess again.
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, the biggest pleasure of all that the princess experienced was wanting to see humans up above.
Great job!
Fully Edited Version:
Based on the story, the youngest princess experienced the most pleasure out of all things. For example, she wanted to hear about the world of human beings up above. The text states, she knew about ships and towns, animals, beautiful to her that up on the earth the flowers were scented, for they were not so at the bottom of the sea, the woods were green, and that the fish which were to be seen among the branches could sing so loudly and sweetly that it was a delight to listen to them." In conclusion, the biggest pleasure of all that the princess experienced was wanting to see humans up above.
Edited by Grace Drake
Based on the story, there are many differences between the buckwheat and the willow-tree. is that the buckwheat tree would not bow his head and the willow-tree would bow his head. One difference is that is that the buckwheat tree would not bow his head and the willow-tree would bow his head. In the text it states that, "indeed I do said the willow-tree and the buckwheat tree said that, but I will not bend my head. The two trees are different.
Edits:
Based on the story, there are many differences between the buckwheat and the willow-tree.
- Great opening!
is that the buckwheat tree would not bow his head and the willow-tree would bow his head. One difference is that is that the buckwheat tree would not bow his head and the willow-tree would bow his head.
- I think you accidentally repeated this twice. The full sentence is great.
In the text it states that, "indeed I do said the willow-tree and the buckwheat tree said that, but I will not bend my head.
- I am changing around the wording so "the willow-tree said" comes before the quote. This is so it is consistent with the second half of the sentence.
- Edited for syntax; In the text it states that the willow-tree said, "indeed I do", and the buckwheat tree said, "but I will not bend my head."
The two trees are different.
- This is a good conclusion statement, but don't forget your transition phrase. To make it stronger, I am saying that they act differently to show that their differences are not just in their appearances.
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, the two trees act differently.
You do a great job of sticking to the four sentence structure! Nice work!
Fully Edited Version:
Based on the story, there are many differences between the buckwheat and the willow-tree. One difference is that the buckwheat tree would not bow his head and the willow-tree would how his head. In the text it states that the willow-tree said, "indeed I do", and the buckwheat tree said, "but I will not bend my head." In conclusion, the two trees act differently.
Edited by Grace Drake
There was a tree in the story that was the most kind. The most kind tree is the burdock tree. One example that he was the most kind tree because it helped the snails. In the text it states that, "in all the alleys and in all the beds it had grown and grown, so that it could no longer be checked, the place had become a perfect forest of burdock." Another example is that the burdock was always the homes for the ancient snail. Also according to the text, "from one end of the garden to the other, and benethe the shade of the burdock the last two of the ancient snails." These are two reasons why the burdock tree was the most kindest tree in the story.
Edits:
There was a tree in the story that was the most kind.
- This was a nice opening!
The most kind tree is the burdock tree.
- Again, great work.
One example that he was the most kind tree because it helped the snails.
- I am just changing the word "he" to "it", because the tree is referred to as "it" in all other sentences.
- Edited for word choice; One example that it was the most kind tree is because it helped the snails.
In the text it states that, "in all the alleys and in all the beds it had grown and grown, so that it could no longer be checked, the place had become a perfect forest of burdock."
- I think there are stronger quotes to put here, because this one doesn't quite fit with your example that the tree helped the snails. I think a stronger quote would mention the snails!
Another example is that the burdock was always the homes for the ancient snail.
- The only thing I would change is making "homes" singular and "snail" plural!
- Edited for grammar; Another example is that the burdock was always the home for the ancient snails.
Also according to the text, "from one end of the garden to the other, and benethe the shade of the burdock the last two of the ancient snails."
- This is a great quote. I am just correcting the spelling of "beneath".
- Edited for spelling; Also according to the text, "from one end of the garden to the other, and beneath the shade of the burdock the last two of the ancient snails."
These are two reasons why the burdock tree was the most kindest tree in the story.
- Great ending!
Nice work! Your openings and conclusions are typically very good. Next time, just try to make sure that all of your quotes match the example.
Fully Edited Version:
There was a tree in the story that was the most kind. The most kind tree is the burdock tree. One example that it was the most kind tree is because it helped the snails. In the text it states, "in all the alleys and in all the beds it had grown and grown, so that it could no longer be checked, the place had become a perfect forest of burdock." Another example is that the burdock was always the home for the ancient snails. Also according to the text, "from one end of the garden to the other, and beneath the shade of the burdock the last two of the ancient snails." These are two reasons why the burdock tree was the most kindest tree in the story.
Edited by Grace Drake
The man in the story became a wealthy merchant. He became wealthy merchant by a beautiful swan that flew over the rolling, tossing waves of the ocean. In the text it states that, "a beautiful swan flew over the rolling, tossing waves of the ocean, every one of its feathers shone like gold and one feather drifted down to the great merchant vessel that, with sails all set, was sailing away". The man became a wealthy merchant.
The soap was used to kill plant lice in the story. It killed the plant lice and cleaned the rose tree. In the text it states that, " I looked at the soapsuds I was going to wash them in, for I too had come with soap and water and murderous intentions. This is an example about how the man wash away the plant lice.
Edits:
The soap was used to kill plant lice in the story.
- Nice job!
It killed the plant lice and cleaned the rose tree.
- Great!
In the text it states that, " I looked at the soapsuds I was going to wash them in, for I too had come with soap and water and murderous intentions.
- This is a nice quote! Just don't forget to put a quotation mark at the end of the quote!
- Edited for punctuation; In the text it states, "I looked at the soapsuds I was going to wash them in, for I too had come with soap and water and murderous intentions."
This is an example about how the man wash away the plant lice.
Nice job! I would add a transition phrase, and also mention the rose tree.
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, this is an example of how the man washed away the plant lice in order to clean the rose tree.
Great work sticking to the structure! I have been sick for the past week and a half so I'm sorry these are a bit late. Everything will be back on track as normal!
Fully Edited Version:
The soap was used to kill plant lice in the story. It killed the plant lice and cleaned the rose tree. In the text it states, "I looked at the soapsuds I was going to wash them in, for I too had come with soap and water and murderous intentions." In conclusion, this is an example of how the man washed away the plant lice in order to clean the rose tree.
Edited by Grace Drake
Gerda's trip a very difficult one. It was difficult because she had to go a long way to Finland. In the text it states that, "you must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland,the Snow Queen lives there." Greda had to travel a long way to go to Finland.
The way that the treasure can be gained is by being smart. For example the frog jumped but the flea didn't. The text states that, "the treasure is great and all would want it, said the King; therefore to bound onto her head is the highest jump that can be made. Only one of good understanding would ever have thought of that. Thus. the Frog has shown that he has sense. He has brains in his head, that he has." This is why being is smart was the way to gain the treasure.
The main characters of the story is the 10 soilders and the lady. they are the main characters because the authors talked about them a lot in the story.I the text it states that, "the one soilder is interested in the lady." This is why the mail characters in the story is the one soilder out of the 10 and the lady.
The fern sang the song because he knew what would happen to the flax. The flax got pulled up by the roots, got roasted on the fire, laid in water, and got snapped. For example, in the text it states that, "one day some people came, who took hold of the flax and pulled it up by the roots, which was very painful." The flax was happy in the past, but got hurt at the end.
Ali baba able to know how to get into the cave by watching the robbers. Ali baba watched the robbers saying open sesame and the doors opened.In the text it states that, " One, whom he took to be their captain, came under the tree in which Ali Baba was concealed; and making his way through some shrubs, pronounced these words: Open, Sesame." This is why Ali baba was able to open the cave doors.
The Baron was not a good person because he didn't act nicely. His actions were mean to the poor girl. In the text it states that, "into the puddle with you and then he laughed aloud at what he called his own wit." His actions shoe that he w not a good peson to the girl.
