Many things had happened to research participants during the study. First off, they had to sleep in MRI machines. The text states, " To observe the brain during sleep, the researchers asked the study's 13 participants to avoid their comfortable beds and instead spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine. " To clarify, the MRI machines were used for observing the brain. Also, they had to wear caps. The text also states, "Each person was also required to wear an EEG (electroencephalography) cap." This shows each person had to wear a cap called an EEG. In short, some weird things happened while the study.
Things We Can Do To Help Our Earth!!! There are some ways we can help improve our Earth. To begin with, we can conserve water by using less water than usual. The text states, "It might seem like it’s everywhere, but clean, drinkable water is a limited resource. In fact less than one percent of the water on Earth can be used by humans. (The rest is either too salty or too difficult to access.) Turning off the faucet when you brush your teeth can conserve up to eight gallons of water a day. To help save even more water, challenge yourself to take a shorter shower (but still get clean!)." This shows, you can save water by doing things to use less water. Additionally, we can protect the environment from by not cutting down trees. According to the text it says,"Researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees in the world are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own. Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen for people to breathe. They also provide shelter and food for animals such as squirrels and owls. Depending on where trees are planted, their shade can even reduce the need for air-conditioning in hotter months."To clarify, we shouldnt be cutting down trees because they are important to humans and animals. All in all, these are some ways we can help improve our Earth.
Original Draft Maryland Teens Go On Grocery Store Runs for Seniors and Vulnerable Neighbors Amid COVID-19 Fears
These boys are helping by buying things for people and delivering it to others so they don't have to go out because of the virus.It states in the text, "In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible." Another is that they help old people around where they live, it states, " The idea came about when the two teens shopped for their elderly grandparents and then for their neighbors. Word spread quickly in the neighborhoods and they distributed flyers throughout the surrounding area." This evidence shows how they are helping other people like old people around them and other people as well. All in all,These boys are helping by buying things for people and delivering it to others.
Corrections
Maryland Teens Go On Grocery Store Runs for Seniors and Vulnerable Neighbors Amid COVID-19 Fears
Teens Helping Seniors: How Maryland Teenagers Are Helping Their Community
These boys are helping by buying things for people and delivering it to others so they don't have to go out because of the virus.
****"'This isn't a very descriptive introduction sentence. The reader needs some more context, like who the boys are and who they're buying things for."'
Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai, two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland, are doing their part to help out their community. Due to the coronavirus outbreak, some members of their neighborhoods have been unable or afraid to go out to get things they need. In response, Casertano and Pai created Teens Helping Seniors, a service project that allows "Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need."
It states in the text, "In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible."
****"'Since I named the service project in my new sentence above, we don't have to re-state what it is. But in the future, you need to give that context so the reader knows what you're talking about. I'm also going to use the other details from this quote further down instead of here."'
Another is that they help old people around where they live, it states, " The idea came about when the two teens shopped for their elderly grandparents and then for their neighbors. Word spread quickly in the neighborhoods and they distributed flyers throughout the surrounding area."
****"'I kept this same quote, but I took out the part where you said "Another is that they help old people around where they live, it states,". I also took out a little bit of the beginning of the quote so that I could add some of my own words and still be able to use this quote from the article."'
The idea for this project "came about when the two teens shopped for their elderly grandparents and then for their neighbors. Word spread quickly in the neighborhoods and they distributed flyers throughout the surrounding area."
This evidence shows how they are helping other people like old people around them and other people as well.
****"'Here, I took this sentence out and added the part about how the teenagers are being very careful while they shop for the people they serve. I also added how the project has spread even farther."'
In order to make sure that they don't accidentally infect the people they're helping with the coronavirus, "teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible." The news of this project has spread across Maryland and even made its way to Washington, D.C..
All in all,These boys are helping by buying things for people and delivering it to others.
****"'An opening like "all in all," sounds like you're going to say something that describes the story without using exactly what happened. For example, if I read a story about a girl's birthday party and all of the fun things she did and the cake she ate, I could say, "All in all, she had a great birthday." instead of, "All in all, she did a lot of fun things and ate cake.". Do you see what I mean? Unfortunately, "all in all" isn't a good phrase to use for this story anyway (it's also a very casual phrase), so I reworded it instead."'
Thanks to just two teen boys, seniors and others are no longer stressed about getting what they need.
Final Draft Teens Helping Seniors: How Maryland Teenagers Are Helping Their Community Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai, two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland, are doing their part to help out their community. Due to the coronavirus outbreak, some members of their neighborhoods have been unable or afraid to go out to get things they need. In response, Casertano and Pai created Teens Helping Seniors, a service project that allows "Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need." The idea for this project "came about when the two teens shopped for their elderly grandparents and then for their neighbors. Word spread quickly in the neighborhoods and they distributed flyers throughout the surrounding area." In order to make sure that they don't accidentally infect the people they're helping with the coronavirus, "teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible." The news of this project has spread across Maryland and even made its way to Washington, D.C.. Thanks to just two teen boys, seniors and others are no longer stressed about getting what they need.
For this, mostly focus on the order of your details. In your original draft, it was kind of like you were going up and down the article when you were adding details. Add your quotes and details from the article so that they all flow together in order. Also, watch capitalization. Just keep reading my comments, practice, and you'll get there! Don't be afraid to ask someone for help! Edited by Lainey Morris
Original Draft
Celebrating the 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving your Homes
There are two ways that the story tells us that Earth day is being celebrated. One way is by telling us the day that it is celebrated , if the text doesn't tell us the day that it is being celebrated , that means that it isn't a real celebrant that people around the world or the USA celebrant's. It states, "Earth Day, which is celebrated annually on April 22, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection." This shows the day Earth day is being celebrated and shows that it is something that people celebrate. Another reason is that the text tells us that there are things that people do in Earth day, it states, "These include planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs. ..The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home. " This evidence shows how there are things and activities to do when celebrating Earths day. All in all,There are two ways that the story tells us that Earth day is being celebrated.
Corrections
Celebrating the 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving your Homes
****"'For this, I just edited a few things. also, "your" should be capitalized."'
How You Can Celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Earth Day from Home
There are two ways that the story tells us that Earth day is being celebrated.
****"'This sentence isn't really a good introduction, so I added some more context about what Earth Day is (make sure you capitalize both words), when it's celebrated, and why it's being celebrated differently this year."'
This year is the 50th anniversary of Earth Day, a holiday on April 22 that is dedicated to the environment. The holiday is "usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection." People often will plant trees, pick up litter, or just recycle. Sadly, the coronavirus shutdowns are keeping people from celebrating like they usually would. Luckily, this story tells of a few great ways to celebrate from home.
One way is by telling us the day that it is celebrated , if the text doesn't tell us the day that it is being celebrated , that means that it isn't a real celebrant that people around the world or the USA celebrant's.
****"'This sentence is kind of confusing and throws the reader off. I removed this sentence because of this. Also, just telling us that Earth Day is celebrated is not a way to celebrate. The article tells us about a few ways to celebrate that you can choose from."'
It states, "Earth Day, which is celebrated annually on April 22, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection."
****"'This detail is good for the introduction to the story, which is why I included this within the first few sentences. So, I took it out here."'
This shows the day Earth day is being celebrated and shows that it is something that people celebrate.
****"'The prompt for this paragraph is supposed to be about how people can celebrate from home since they can't celebrate like they usually would because of the coronavirus. This year people aren't able to do the things you mentioned in the quote. I took this part out too."'
Another reason is that the text tells us that there are things that people do in Earth day, it states, "These include planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs. ..The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home. "
****"'Okay, you jumped pretty far with this quote. First, yes, people do all of those outdoor things to celebrate Earth Day, but the point is that they can't do that this year because of the coronavirus. For the second half of this quote, you don't even mention what this collection is. I took out the first part and elaborated on the second part. I also included, from the beginning paragraph, how there are many people who have come up with ways to celebrate online."'
his year, "organizations, educators, and activists worldwide have devised numerous ways to mark the 50th anniversary of this all-important holiday, which is dedicated to climate action this year, without leaving the comfort of your homes." Even NASA is releasing "an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit." Toolkit is a "collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home." This way, families everywhere can still celebrate and have fun while staying safe at home.
This evidence shows how there are things and activities to do when celebrating Earths day.
****"'Again, this wasn't about what things there are to do while celebrating Earth Day in general, it was about how you can celebrate this year since the coronavirus has caused shutdowns all over the world. I took this sentence out too."'
All in all,There are two ways that the story tells us that Earth day is being celebrated.
****"'You didn't included two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated this year, so I included another way for you, but I won't always be doing that. Make sure you read closely to the instructions. I also created a more conclusive sentence."'
In California, the counties of Yolo, Solano, and Sacramento will celebrate with an event called "The Earth Day Sing Out." Residents of these communities "are encouraged to record themselves singing one of the 30 suggested songs, or an Earth Day song of their choice, and post a short video on Twitter with the hashtags #earthdaysingoutdavis, #earthdaysingout, and #earthday2020." The submissions that residents send in "will be played on the local radio station at specified times on April 22 for all to hear." These California residents will get to celebrate with their singing from home too! Staying at home all the time might not be very fun, but there are still fun ways to have a good time to celebrate Earth Day!
Final Draft How You Can Celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Earth Day from Home This year is the 50th anniversary of Earth Day, a holiday on April 22 that is dedicated to the environment. The holiday is "usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection." People often will plant trees, pick up litter, or just recycle. Sadly, the coronavirus shutdowns are keeping people from celebrating like they usually would. Luckily, this story tells of a few great ways to celebrate from home. This year, "organizations, educators, and activists worldwide have devised numerous ways to mark the 50th anniversary of this all-important holiday, which is dedicated to climate action this year, without leaving the comfort of your homes." Even NASA is releasing "an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit." Toolkit is a "collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home." This way, families everywhere can still celebrate and have fun while staying safe at home. In California, the counties of Yolo, Solano, and Sacramento will celebrate with an event called "The Earth Day Sing Out." Residents of these communities "are encouraged to record themselves singing one of the 30 suggested songs, or an Earth Day song of their choice, and post a short video on Twitter with the hashtags #earthdaysingoutdavis, #earthdaysingout, and #earthday2020." The submissions that residents send in "will be played on the local radio station at specified times on April 22 for all to hear." These California residents will get to celebrate with their singing from home too! Staying at home all the time might not be very fun, but there are still fun ways to have a good time to celebrate Earth Day!
Mainly, just make sure you're reading closely to what the instructions are. Reading directions is extremely important, because you might miss something really important otherwise. If you get confused, ask someone close to you or a teacher for help. You can do it! Edited by Lainey Morris
Original Draft
Ending Childhood Hunger William has accomplished things in life. To begin with, has expanded his mission. In the text it states," Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. He’s expanded his mission, too." This shows that he was able to collect as much food as he can and was able to expand his mission . Another text evidence is ," Many children, not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids’ food drive a success. More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks. " This means that he was now able to find a way to stop hunger for kids and now has other kids helping them give food to the poor or the people who are starving. In conclusion, William has stopped Childhood hunger by doing things that are stated in this article.
Corrections
Ending Childhood Hunger
****"'This is a good title! I added just a little something to go ahead and clue the reader in on the fact that your paragraph is about a kid. That way, the reader is already interested."'
One Kid's Journey to End Childhood Hunger
William has accomplished things in life.
****"'First, who is William? You can't start a story without introducing the main character, so for this paragraph, you have to first introduce William and give a brief background so the reader knows why this article is about him."'
14 year old William Winslow from North Carolina has a passion for ending childhood hunger. It all started when he was in first grade - William learned "that as many as 1 in 5 kids in his state were at risk for hunger — including some of his classmates." He then convinced his mom to take him to a local Food Lion, where "he talked shoppers into buying food — 1,400 pounds worth — to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
To begin with, has expanded his mission.
****"'How did he expand his mission? I added the name of his organization to give more context."'
He founded his own organization, Food Drive Kids, in order to expand his mission and help as many children as he can.
In the text it states," Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. He’s expanded his mission, too."
****"'I kept most of this quote, but I cut out a little from the beginning so that you have room to add your own words, and I cut off some from the end too."'
It's been seven years since he started, and now "he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree."
This shows that he was able to collect as much food as he can and was able to expand his mission .
****"'I deleted this part because it wasn't necessary because the reader could tell these things just by reading the paragraph."'
Another text evidence is ," Many children, not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids’ food drive a success. More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks. "
****"'Instead of "another text evidence is", you would say "another piece of evidence from the text is". However, I took this part out anyway so that I could add more context about who Alexander is and how he helps William. This gave me another opportunity to write in my own words and explain to the reader another piece of information. Then I added the quote about the other kids helping them."'
William even includes his little brother, Alexander, who works as head of advertising. William and Alexander aren't working alone though, "More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks."
This means that he was now able to find a way to stop hunger for kids and now has other kids helping them give food to the poor or the people who are starving.
****"'The reader can tell these things just by reading the paragraph. Instead, I added the quote about why William prefers kid volunteers."'
William says that he prefers to work with kid volunteers "because they don’t think something is impossible. They just want to do it, and it ends up being possible.”
In conclusion, William has stopped Childhood hunger by doing things that are stated in this article.
****"'I just sort of reworded this part to make it flow better."'
William is doing great things throughout his community so that he can help put an end to childhood hunger, and he is an inspiration to us all.
Final Draft One Kid's Journey to End Childhood Hunger 14 year old William Winslow from North Carolina has a passion for ending childhood hunger. It all started when he was in first grade - William learned "that as many as 1 in 5 kids in his state were at risk for hunger — including some of his classmates." He then convinced his mom to take him to a local Food Lion, where "he talked shoppers into buying food — 1,400 pounds worth — to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." He founded his own organization, Food Drive Kids, in order to expand his mission and help as many children as he can. It's been seven years since he started, and now "he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree." William even includes his little brother, Alexander, who works as head of advertising. William and Alexander aren't working alone though, "More than 100 kids from the boys’ school and Scout groups turn out in April to hand out food lists to shoppers, collect purchased boxed and canned items and load them into trucks." William says that he prefers to work with kid volunteers "because they don’t think something is impossible. They just want to do it, and it ends up being possible.” William is doing great things throughout his community so that he can help put an end to childhood hunger, and he is an inspiration to us all.
This was some better work. Just make sure you read my comments and notes so that you can really improve!
Edited by Lainey Morris
Original Draft
Requirements you need in order to become an astronaut.
If a person wants to be an astronaut, there are requirements you need to have. One thing that you must need to become an astronaut is a high level college degree which is a masters degree in stem and you need to have experience on flying jet airplanes.Another thing that you need to be an astronaut is that you need to have good eyesight and you have to be in a good physical shape, you also need to be able to get along with your pears. In the text states , "NASA now requires a master’s degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math). You also need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." Another evidence is, "The people who are chosen (called “Astronaut Candidates”) will also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape. They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and able to work as part of a team." These two text evidence shows how you need a lot of requirements to become an astronaut. It also shows how you need to be perfect to be an astronaut, you need perfect eyesight, you need perfect body, you need to be good at cooperative to each and every one of your pears, and you need to have a perfect education. In short, If you want to be an astronaut you need to have these requirements.
Corrections
Requirements you need in order to become an astronaut.
****"'I'm glad you put a title! However, it's a bit long, so I shortened it a little bit."'
How to Become an Astronaut
If a person wants to be an astronaut, there are requirements you need to have.
****"'This is a true statement; however, I thought it would be helpful to put some more context. This article was specifically about NASA's requirements, so I added that in. Also, if you say "If a person wants to be an astronaut," it should be followed by "there are requirements they need to have." If you were going to end it with "there are requirements you need to have, then you would say "If you want to be an astronaut". I took this part out, but I just wanted to clear that part up for you."'
If you have dreams of being an astronaut, you will have to make sure you meet all of NASA's many requirements.
One thing that you must need to become an astronaut is a high level college degree which is a masters degree in stem and you need to have experience on flying jet airplanes.
****"'I rewrote this sentence and added a quote from the article because it could be kind of confusing for the reader since you didn't put any commas. Also, it is a master's degree with an apostrophe, and "STEM" should be in all caps.
First, NASA requires their astronauts to have "a master's degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math)." NASA also requires that their "Astronaut Candidates" "have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted."
Another thing that you need to be an astronaut is that you need to have good eyesight and you have to be in a good physical shape, you also need to be able to get along with your pears.
****"'First, the word you were looking for here was "peers", not "pears". A pear is a yummy green fruit that grows on a tree, and a peer is someone who is your age who you interact with a lot. I also used part of the article as a quote here as well and broke it up into two chunks to create two separate sentences."'
If those two requirements weren't difficult enough, candidates also need "near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape." Although, one of their easier requirements is being "good at working with other people - able to lead, and be able to work as part of a team."
In the text states , "NASA now requires a master’s degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math). You also need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted."
****"'Since we already mentioned this part above, we don't need to mention it again. So, I took this part out."'
Another evidence is, "The people who are chosen (called “Astronaut Candidates”) will also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape. They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and able to work as part of a team."
****"'I took this part out for the same reason as the part before this. Also, you would say "another piece of evidence", not just "another evidence.""'
These two text evidence shows how you need a lot of requirements to become an astronaut.
****"'I kind of incorporated this part into the conclusion sentence and rewrote it."'
It also shows how you need to be perfect to be an astronaut, you need perfect eyesight, you need perfect body, you need to be good at cooperative to each and every one of your pears, and you need to have a perfect education.
****"'To be clear, nobody is perfect! The article said you need near perfect eyesight and that you need to be in good shape. Just because someone's in shape that doesn't mean they have a perfect body! Healthy and in shape look different for everyone, and nobody is perfect. Also, having a master's degree is a huge accomplishment, but that doesn't mean that it's perfect. To get a master's degree, it takes a lot of hard work, and I'm sure those people make mistakes along the way. But you know what? That's okay! Our imperfections are what make us all unique. For example, my pinkies are crooked, but I think they're pretty cool! Being perfect is not possible, we are all only human beings - and that is totally okay! :)"'
In short, If you want to be an astronaut you need to have these requirements.
****"'For this part, I took that part from earlier, reworded it a bit, and added a little bit more to make it more conclusive."'
Becoming an astronaut is no easy task - it requires a lot of hard work and determination. If you put your mind to it though, and work really hard, maybe you could be an astronaut too.
Final Draft
How to Become an Astronaut
If you have dreams of being an astronaut, you will have to make sure you meet all of NASA's many requirements. First, NASA requires their astronauts to have "a master's degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math)." NASA also requires that their "Astronaut Candidates" "have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." If those two requirements weren't difficult enough, candidates also need "near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape." Although, one of their easier requirements is being "good at working with other people - able to lead, and be able to work as part of a team." Becoming an astronaut is no easy task - it requires a lot of hard work and determination. If you put your mind to it though, and work really hard, maybe you could be an astronaut too.
This was good! I could tell you read the article, but make sure you're not repeating yourself by saying one thing and then adding the same quote after it. You can get creative sometimes as long as it has to do with your topic! The conclusion sentence I wrote wasn't anything in particular that I pulled from the article, but I got a little creative and wrote a good sentence. You got this! Keep it up! Edited by Lainey Morris
De Blasio says NYC school buildings will close for the rest of the year, but Cuomo thinks the opposite thing. One opposing view is that some people thinks that closing the schools is a great idea. It states, "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,” This shows how some people think that closing the schools is a good idea because it reduces the amount of people getting Covid - 19. Others think that closing schools are bad. Another evidence is, "Look at what they’ve had to witness and experience, and think about those kids who are grieving right now making it difficult to gauge how many students may be left behind." This shows that closing schools can be a difficulty for some people.In short, these are the opposing veiws of De Blasio and Cuomo.
De Blasio says NYC school buildings will close for the rest of the year, but Cuomo thinks the opposite thing.
****"'A few things here: first, we need to explain who de Blasio and Cuomo are. This is one of those moments where you just assume that the reader is from Mars and doesn't know the details that you're talking about. Also, just a little more context about this story will be helpful in creating a more well-rounded opening sentence."'
On Saturday, New York City's mayor, Bill de Blasio, announced that schools will close for the rest of the academic year; however, Governor Andrew Cuomo isn't so sure, calling the mayor's announcement "premature".
One opposing view is that some people thinks that closing the schools is a great idea. It states, "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,” This shows how some people think that closing the schools is a good idea because it reduces the amount of people getting Covid - 19.
****"'With this little section, I kind of rearranged some things. I brought your quote to the front instead and also added who it was that said it in order to give the reader some more context so they aren't questioning who said what. After, I added how many people agreed and explained why, using what you said in the last sentence of this little section. I also reworded things a little bit to make it more fluid."'
De Blasio says that "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,". Many people agree and think schools for the rest of the academic year is a good idea because it reduces the amount of people contracting COVID-19.
Others think that closing schools are bad.
****"'Here, I reworded things a little bit and added "On the other hand," to the front of the sentence to create a better transition to this next thought. I reworded it because the people aren't necessarily believing that closing schools is bad, because they know it will help stamp out the coronavirus, but they are seeing the negative results instead and that's what's making them upset. Also, I changed "are bad" to "is bad" because in this context, what you are describing as bad is the actual closing of the schools, not the schools themselves. So you say "closing is bad", not closing are bad"."'
On the other hand, people are also recognizing the negatives of closing schools.
Another evidence is, "Look at what they’ve had to witness and experience, and think about those kids who are grieving right now making it difficult to gauge how many students may be left behind." This shows that closing schools can be a difficulty for some people.
****"'I thought that some extra information could be useful here. I noticed that this quote is kind of a combination of two separate quotes from the article, one from the mayor and one from the original author of the article. To fix this, I used the mayor's quote and added the other part separately. I also elaborated on that quote and went on to explain why the closing of schools is difficult for some people. I then added the mayor's plan to remedy this issue. Also, instead of saying "another evidence", you would say "another piece of evidence.""'
De Blasio expressed his own concerns, saying "Look at what they’ve had to witness and experience, and think about those kids who are grieving right now,”. De Blasio also described the numbers of attendance in remote classes as "discouraging"; however, the city has not yet released those numbers, which makes it difficult to tell how many students may really be left behind. Closing schools and switching to online learning is very difficult for some people, because some kids lack access to computers and internet; however, de Blasio has said that every child who does not have a device will receive one by the end of April.
In short, these are the opposing veiws of De Blasio and Cuomo.
I changed this a little bit to give a better wrap up and conclusion. Also, instead of "veiws", the word is spelled "views".
On Saturday, New York City's mayor, Bill de Blasio, announced that schools will close for the rest of the academic year; however, Governor Andrew Cuomo isn't so sure, calling the mayor's announcement "premature". De Blasio says that "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the coronavirus,". Many people agree and think schools for the rest of the academic year is a good idea because it reduces the amount of people contracting COVID-19. On the other hand, people are also recognizing the negatives of closing schools. De Blasio expressed his own concerns, saying "Look at what they’ve had to witness and experience, and think about those kids who are grieving right now,”. De Blasio also described the numbers of attendance in remote classes as "discouraging"; however, the city has not yet released those numbers, which makes it difficult to tell how many students may really be left behind. Closing schools and switching to online learning is very difficult for some people, because some kids lack access to computers and internet; however, de Blasio has said that every child who does not have a device will receive one by the end of April. It is more than likely that the mayor's own announcement will be what sticks, but he and Governor Cuomo continue to have opposing views.
This was a pretty good job! I could tell you really read the whole article and understood it. Just work on your spelling and those little grammar issues I mentioned above. Keep it up! Edited by Lainey Morris
Reasons why Tiger Salamanders are coming back to Maryland
Tiger salamanders come back to Maryland for many reasons. To begin with, Maryland's Eastern shore is a great place for vegetation management and it is a good natural breeding habitat for the salamanders. The story states "Maryland's Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders." To clarify, the Eastern tiger salamanders went back to Maryland for this reason. To add on, the estimated population of salamanders is very large. The story also states "How are Eastern tiger salamanders populations doing in Maryland?... population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders." To clarify, salamanders are probably commonly seen in Maryland near the Eastern shore. All in all, Tiger salamanders were gone from Maryland but made a comeback!
Tiger salamanders come back to Maryland for many reasons.
****"'This sentence is really abrupt for an opening sentence, so that's why it's so helpful to add a little extra context for a smoother introduction that will hook your reader. I made some changes to the sentence to achieve this, and then added how there are reasons for the salamanders' return in the following sentence."'
After many years, Eastern tiger salamanders are returning to Maryland.
To begin with, Maryland's Eastern shore is a great place for vegetation management and it is a good natural breeding habitat for the salamanders. The story states "Maryland's Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders."
****"'This is one of those cases where you can combine sentences to create a shorter, but useful and informative sentence. Here, I combined these sentences."'
One of the reasons for the return of these salamanders is Maryland's Eastern shore, "where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders."
To clarify, the Eastern tiger salamanders went back to Maryland for this reason.
****"'Since we've already talked about how the details in the previous sentence are a reason for the return of these salamanders to Maryland, we don't have to say that it's a reason again. For this reason, I removed this sentence."'
To add on, the estimated population of salamanders is very large. The story also states "How are Eastern tiger salamanders populations doing in Maryland?... population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders."
****"'Here again is one of those instances where combining sentences is useful. Instead of having these as two separate sentences, I combined them. I also took out the first part of the quote."'
The estimated population of the salamanders is also very large now, at about "1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders."
To clarify, salamanders are probably commonly seen in Maryland near the Eastern shore.
****"'The sentence before this one wasn't really confusing, so we don't need to say "To clarify". Instead, just explain that these salamanders are primarily seen in the area that you described."'
These salamanders are primarily seen near Maryland's Eastern shore.
All in all, Tiger salamanders were gone from Maryland but made a comeback!
****"'Now this is a great conclusion sentence! It's different from your introduction sentence and it sounds pretty good! I'm really excited that you did this! The only things I changed were the capitalization of "tiger" (it needs to be lowercase because it was lowercase in the article) and I took out the part that said "were gone" and just kind of rearranged the sentence, but still kept the tone you made and the general idea."'
All in all, tiger salamanders are finally making a comeback in Maryland!
After many years, Eastern tiger salamanders are returning to Maryland. One of the reasons for the return of these salamanders is Maryland's Eastern shore, "where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders." The estimated population of the salamanders is also very large now, at about "1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders." These salamanders are primarily seen near Maryland's Eastern shore. All in all, tiger salamanders are finally making a comeback in Maryland!
This was a great job! Your paragraphs are definitely improving and I'm so proud! Your conclusion sentence was particularly great and I'm so glad you changed it to be different from your introduction sentence. I think as long as you keep reading my suggestions and explanations, you'll continue to improve! Awesome work! Edited by Lainey Morris
Super moons are different from regular moons that we see. First off, the supermoon is the closest moon in history unlike a regular moon.. In the text it states, "On April 7, 2020, the moon will be about 221,773 miles (356,909 km) away from Earth. This is just a few hundred miles further than the November 2016 Super moon, which at 221,524 miles (356,508 km), was the closest distance we have experienced in recent history." This shows, that the super moon is more closer than the average moon, and is the closest moon ever in history unlike the regular moon we see every night.Also, super moon is bigger and brighter than an average moon. The text says, "Super moons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon,"This shows that the super moon is more brighter and is larger than the usual moon we see every night. In conclusion, this is how the super moon is different than the regular moon.
****"'Don't forget your title!"'
The 2020 Supermoon
Super moons are different from regular moons that we see.
**** "'This is good, but we still need some more introduction. If you were to go up to someone and say, "Supermoons are different from regular moons that we see." they would be confused and probably ask you why you're telling them that. So it's helpful if you put something else that will add some context to your topic. Also, make sure that you make "Supermoon" one word."'
Tonight, on April 7, 2020, there will be a Supermoon. Supermoons are different from regular moons that we usually see in the night sky.
First off, the supermoon is the closest moon in history unlike a regular moon..
**** "'Here, we need to make sure that Supermoon is capitalized because it is a proper noun. Also make sure you're using only one period (I bet that was probably just an accident though). I also changed this sentence a bit because saying "the supermoon is the closest moon" doesn't really make sense because the reader doesn't know what you mean it's the closest to (is it the closest moon to Mars? To Venus? To McDonald's?)."'
Unlike a regular moon, the Supermoon is closer to Earth.
In the text it states, "On April 7, 2020, the moon will be about 221,773 miles (356,909 km) away from Earth. This is just a few hundred miles further than the November 2016 Super moon, which at 221,524 miles (356,508 km), was the closest distance we have experienced in recent history."
****"'I edited this sentence just a little bit to give it a smoother flow."'
The text says that this Supermoon "will be about 221, 773 miles (356, 909 km) away from Earth. This is just a few hundred miles further than the November 2016 Supermoon, which at 221, 524 miles (356, 508 km) was the closest distance we have experienced in recent history."
This shows, that the super moon is more closer than the average moon, and is the closest moon ever in history unlike the regular moon we see every night.Also, super moon is bigger and brighter than an average moon. The text says, "Super moons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon,"This shows that the super moon is more brighter and is larger than the usual moon we see every night.
**** "'I edited a lot of this chunk, just because there was a lot that you could go ahead and get rid of. For the first sentence, the reader knows now after the quote and what you've already said that this moon is a lot closer and unlike the moons we usually see. As far as the next sentence, the quote, and the sentence after that, you can put that all into one smooth sentence. Grammar note: saying "more closer" is incorrect. The word "more" is a modifier, meaning that it kind of changes the meaning of a word. At the same time, the suffix "er" does about the same thing. So I could say that I am "more hungry" or I am "hungrier" - both of those mean the same thing. However, you can only use one at a time. So in this context, you would just say that the moon is CLOSER."'
The Supermoon is also "seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon,".
In conclusion, this is how the super moon is different than the regular moon.
****"'This sentence is almost the same as your opening sentence, so we need to change that. It's good to tie the end to the beginning, but they don't have to sound totally the same."'
Supermoons aren't like the moons we usually see, go outside and see it tonight!
****"'Also remember to add your source!"'
The 2020 Supermoon Tonight, on April 7, 2020, there will be a Supermoon. Supermoons are different from regular moons that we usually see in the night sky. Unlike a regular moon, the Supermoon is closer to Earth. The text says that this Supermoon "will be about 221, 773 miles (356, 909 km) away from Earth. This is just a few hundred miles further than the November 2016 Supermoon, which at 221, 524 miles (356, 508 km) was the closest distance we have experienced in recent history." The Supermoon is also "seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon,". Supermoons aren't like the moons we usually see, go outside and see it tonight!
- "'This was good! Keep up the good work and make sure you're reading my suggestions. If you need to, don't be afraid to read back over your work for errors or things you might have missed! You've got this!"'
Edited by Lainey Morris
Social distancing(cons and pros)
There are both negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing. One positive reason why you should practice social distancing is so you can limit the spread of COVID-19 According to the text it states, "To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing".This shows that social distancing can sometimes prevent people from getting the virus. A negative reason why you shouldn't practice social distancing is because even being 6 feet away can also spread germs. According to the text it states, "To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing. In the text it also states,"Even standing 6 feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. To elaborate, social distancing can still result to spread of the virus.All in all, this is why it is negative and positive for practicing social distancing.
Social distancing(cons and pros)
****"'Yay! This is a great title for this paragraph! I'm just going to tweak it a tad and swap "cons and pros" for "pros and cons"; also, always make sure you capitalize the words in your title!"'
Social Distancing: Pros and Cons
There are both negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing.
****"'This is a good sentence about the main topic of your paragraph; however, we still need to introduce it a little bit more. Imagine that you're writing this paragraph for someone who lives on Mars. They have no idea what the coronavirus or social distancing are! Explain what social distancing is first, and then discuss how it has pros and cons."'
Due to the outbreak of COVID-19, people are being advised to practice social distancing. Social distancing includes things like "avoiding mass gatherings" and "maintaining distance" in order to keep COVID-19 from spreading even more. This new practice is helpful, but is found to have both positive and negative effects.
One positive reason why you should practice social distancing is so you can limit the spread of COVID-19 According to the text it states, "To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing".This shows that social distancing can sometimes prevent people from getting the virus.
****"'I lumped all three of these sentences together because I think they can all be put into one shorter sentence. All three of these sentences are saying essentially the same thing. Instead, you can summarize all of this in one sentence."'
According to the text, social distancing can sometimes prevent people from getting the virus.
A negative reason why you shouldn't practice social distancing is because even being 6 feet away can also spread germs.
****"'One thing here is that instead of "6" you should type out "six". A good rule of thumb is that if the number is between smaller than 10, you will write out the whole word, but if it is 10 or bigger, you just type the digits (six vs. 26). Also, I think you got confused with the message of this article and prompt - you should still socially distance! Doctors and scientists and government leaders still are urging everyone to socially distance. You're just trying to find reasons why social distancing might be negative (for example, you can't go to your friends' houses anymore to hang out)."'
According to the text it states, "To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing. In the text it also states,"Even standing 6 feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes.
****"'In the sentence before this one you say the same thing that you quote in this sentence, so instead, push them both together to make one sentence."'
The text also says that "Even standing fix feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes."
To elaborate, social distancing can still result to spread of the virus.All in all, this is why it is negative and positive for practicing social distancing.
****"'I didn't write anything else after this part, just because I think you were confused on the assignment."'
Social Distancing: Pros and Cons Due to the outbreak of COVID-19, people are being advised to practice social distancing. Social distancing includes things like "avoiding mass gatherings" and "maintaining distance" in order to keep COVID-19 from spreading even more. This new practice is helpful, but is found to have both positive and negative effects. According to the text, social distancing can sometimes prevent people from getting the virus. The text also says that "Even standing fix feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes." Luckily, social distancing can limit that from happening.
- "'Okay, this paragraph was a little on the short side. I didn't want to add in extra to compensate for things you left out, because I want you to be able to write things on your own. I'm only here to help you learn how to polish your writing, not do it for you. I could also tell that you maybe didn't understand the prompt of this assignment; you were supposed to find the positive and negative effects of social distancing, not the positive and negative reasons. You did well in finding a positive, which is limiting the spread of coronavirus, but for your negative, you said that you shouldn't practice social distancing. Instead, you should've been looking for ways that social distancing can be negative; for example, people can't go out and see their friends and family right now because of social distancing, and that's making many people sad. That's a negative effect of social distancing. If you're ever confused on an assignment, don't be afraid to ask someone for help or email your teacher!"'
Edited by Lainey Morris
There are some ways students can learn best while studying online.To begin with they can move distractions away from them.In the text it states"Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it separate from your bed or sofa. A clear distinction between where you study and where you take breaks can help you focus."To clarify,moving distractions can help you focus.To add on,friends can help you.The text says" Saying or thinking what you’re going to do may not be enough to complete the work you have set for yourself. Sometimes telling your friends about the h.w., projects, classes, or courses you’re taking help keep you to completing them as well as posting achievements to your social media accounts. Having a community and support network of friends and family to cheer you on makes a difference."To elaborate,its good sharing what you finished.In short,these are some of the ways students can learn best while studying online.
I went ahead and added a title since you didn't have one.
How to Learn Best During Online Studying
There are some ways students can learn best while studying online.
This is a good opener for what you're going to talk about, but you still need a little more of an introduction to the topic.
Studying online can be a challenge for students, but there are many ways to still learn well while working from home.
To begin with they can move distractions away from them.In the text it states"Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it separate from your bed or sofa.
Make sure that you're putting space between the end of each sentence (ex. "...away from them. In the text..." instead of "...away from them.In the text.."). Since these two sentences are saying the same thing, go ahead and combine them to make it flow better.
The texts recommends that you "Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it separate from your bed or sofa."
A clear distinction between where you study and where you take breaks can help you focus."
I took this part of the quotation out so that you could include more of your words and work on summarizing. So, instead of just putting the quote, you can write in your own words what you have read.
Separating the study space from the place where you relax can be helpful in focusing.
To clarify,moving distractions can help you focus.
Since your paragraph is about ways to help students focus and do well in online classes, we can assume that the reader has realized that moving the distractions can help you focus, so you don't need this sentence. Instead of saying things like "to clarify" in a new sentence, you can just add more details in a new sentence in the future.
To add on,friends can help you.The text says" Saying or thinking what you’re going to do may not be enough to complete the work you have set for yourself. Sometimes telling your friends about the h.w., projects, classes, or courses you’re taking help keep you to completing them as well as posting achievements to your social media accounts.
Again, make sure you're separating the ends of your sentences, and watch where you have quotations (make sure it's directly against the first word inside the quotations: "Saying..." instead of " Saying...")! Since this quote is kind of long, I took it out and used that as another opportunity to summarize and combine sentences.
The text also mentions that friends and social media accounts can be helpful, saying that telling them about any sort of school responsibilities you have is useful in holding you accountable and making sure you're completing your tasks.
Having a community and support network of friends and family to cheer you on makes a difference."
Having a strong support network like this can make a big difference in success, and sharing what you've accomplished is a useful way to encourage good work.
To elaborate,its good sharing what you finished.In short,these are some of the ways students can learn best while studying online.
Make sure that you leave space between a comma and the following word ("elaborate, it's..." instead of "elaborate,it's") and still make sure you're keeping sentences separate! You've done a good job elaborating on why friends and social media are useful for doing well in online classes, so the first sentence here isn't necessary. Lastly, good job using transitional phrases! However, your concluding sentence is almost identical to your opening sentence. Make sure your concluding sentence wraps up your paragraph without directly quoting the beginning. If your concluding sentence is good enough, you won't even need a phrase like "in short"!
For students everywhere, studying online is new and maybe challenging, but there are still many steps that we can take to learn well while working online.
How to Learn Best During Online Studying
Studying online can be a challenge for students, but there are many ways to still learn well while working from home. The texts recommends that you "Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it separate from your bed or sofa." Separating the study space from the place where you relax can be helpful in focusing. The text also mentions that friends and social media accounts can be helpful, saying that telling them about any sort of school responsibilities you have is useful in holding you accountable and making sure you're completing your tasks. Having a strong support network like this can make a big difference in succes. s, and sharing what you've accomplished is a useful way to encourage good work. For students everywhere, studying online is new and maybe challenging, but there are still many steps that we can take to learn well while working online.
I can see you using transitional phrases and using quotes from what you've read - great job! Just make sure you're separating your sentences and be careful of your quotation placement. It can be helpful to read back over what you've written to check for any careless errors. This is a good start, keep working hard! Edited by Lainey Morris
