There are many different games you can play & do with your family even when your home. Two of the ones I think is best fun are jigsaw puzzles & read aloud. You can play jigsaws puzzles for making your brain think hard for where the pieces might go & making your reading better when you read to your siblings/ family members out loud. In the text it says " they're also for learning skills & lessons such as shape recognition, patience and delayed gratification. Also in the text it states that " reading aloud is beneficial for older & younger children, as it helps them grapple with difficult issues, reduce stress, improves vocabulary & comprehension & introduces them to literature they might otherwise ignore. Jigsaw puzzles & read aloud are helpful and I think is best fun
Edits:
There are many different games you can play & do with your family even when your home.
- Typically in written paragraphs and essays we would write out "and" instead of using "&".
- Edited for grammar; There are many different games to play and activities to do with your family even when you're home.
Two of the ones I think is best fun are jigsaw puzzles & read aloud.
- Edited for grammar; Two activities that I think are the most fun are doing jigsaw puzzles and reading aloud.
You can play jigsaws puzzles for making your brain think hard for where the pieces might go & making your reading better when you read to your siblings/ family members out loud.
- I like that you stated what your favorite activities were and then elaborated on that fact in the next sentence! In order to make sure the sentence flows naturally, try reading each sentence out loud after you type it.
- Edited for word choice; Jigsaw puzzles are great for exercising your brain when you think about where the pieces might go, and reading aloud to your family improves your reading skills.
In the text it says "they're also for learning skills & lessons such as shape recognition, patience and delayed gratification.
- Make sure when you start a quote with a quotation mark, you put another one at the end of the quote to close it. Also, you do not have to use a whole quote! It is okay to pick a small important piece and paraphrase the rest.
- Edited for word choice and paraphrasing; The article states that jigsaw puzzles help with skills like "shape recognition, patience and delayed gratification".
Also in the text it states that " reading aloud is beneficial for older & younger children, as it helps them grapple with difficult issues, reduce stress, improves vocabulary & comprehension & introduces them to literature they might otherwise ignore.
- Since we already used one quote in this paragraph, we should paraphrase the rest so it is mostly in your own words. Quotes are great for enhancing your words, but in such a short piece they shouldn't take over.
- Edited to paraphrase; Additionally, reading out loud is great for children of all ages because it helps improve emotional issues and learning obstacles, and also allows them to read new books.
Jigsaw puzzles & read aloud are helpful and I think is best fun
- Don't forget the punctuation at the end of a sentence! Nice job tying it all together.
- Edited for grammar and punctuation; Doing jigsaw puzzles and reading aloud are helpful activities, and I think that they are fun too.
I like your instinct to explain facts that you state with evidence, but just make sure that the bulk of the sentence is in your own words. Also, don't forget that you need to have the source link underneath so the reader can see where you've quoted from.
Fully Edited Version:
There are many different games to play and activities to do with your family even when you're home. Two activities that I think are the most fun are doing jigsaw puzzles and reading aloud. Jigsaw puzzles are great for exercising your brain when you think about where the pieces might go, and reading aloud to your family improves your reading skills. The article states that jigsaw puzzles help with skills like "shape recognition, patience and delayed gratification". Additionally, reading out loud is great for children of all ages because it helps improve emotional issues and learning obstacles, and also allows them to read new books. Doing jigsaw puzzles and reading aloud are helpful activities, and I think that they are fun too.
Edited by Grace Drake
There are many reasons why they postponed the 2020 Japan's Summer Olympic Games. The ICO decided to let the athletes stay healthy for order to be safe. In the text it states that " the ICO and Japan's prime minister, Shinzo Abe, made the decision to safeguard the health of the athletes, everybody involve in the Olympic Games, and the international community, an IOC statement said. The 2020 Japan's Summer Olympic Games postponed.
JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children. One example is that it can help them enjoying what they're reading of their favorite books. Another example is that they can get a little magic and get the welcome back to hogwards. The se are the reasons why JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help lots of children.
There are positive reasons that you should practice social distancing.You should stay home to limit the spread of the coronavirus. According to the text it states to "avoiding mass gathering and maintaining distancing whenever possible. Practicing social distancing is a good reason to practice.
The main idea of the passage is that animals finally get a chance to leave their homes and roam freely. They start going out of their cages and go to the urban areas. In the text it states that, " the absence of cruse ships is bringing large numbers of dolphins to the Italian port of Caglian while flocks of wild turkeys are roaming the streets of Oakland, California." The animals roaming the places and don't stay in their homes can be harmful.
The birds are migrating south. The main reason is because the weather is getting colder and food. In the text it states that, " during the fall, the timespan for migration is much broader since birds typically start leaving once the temperature drops and there's a lack of food." The birds try to migrate to find food to eat.
There are differences of the govenor and the mayor's opinion. Cuomo thinks that there should be school when De Blasio should not have school. The text states that, " NYC schools will not reopen this academic year, mayor bill De Blasio announced Saturday. Also in the text it states that Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in saying the saying the city's more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled at the school year. The govenor and the mayor as the difference of going to school and not going to school.
Edits:
There are differences of the govenor and the mayor's opinion.
- I would specify where they disagree. Also, don't forget that "governor" has an r in the middle!
- Edited for spelling and word choice; There are differences of opinion between the governor and mayor about school closure due to COVID-19.
Cuomo thinks that there should be school when De Blasio should not have school.
- I would use their titles and full names when you first introduce them.
- Edited for grammar and word choice; Gov. Andrew Cuomo thinks that schools should remain open, while Mayor Bill de Blasio thinks they should close.
The text states that, " NYC schools will not reopen this academic year, mayor bill De Blasio announced Saturday.
- Nice job introducing the quote. If you copy and paste directly from the article, then the same capitalization and punctuation will be there! Finally, don't forget to close your quotation marks at the end of the quote.
- Edited for grammar and capitalization; The text states that, "NYC schools will not reopen this academic year, mayor Bill De Blasio announced Saturday."
Also in the text it states that Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in saying the saying the city's more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled at the school year.
- I am not sure if this is paraphrasing or a quote. If it is a quote, don't forget the quotation marks and use the exact words of the text!
- Edited for word choice; Also in the text it states that Gov. Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in thinking that the city's more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely, at least through June 26.
The govenor and the mayor as the difference of going to school and not going to school.
- Don't forget to use a closing statement before your final sentence, such as "Ultimately" or "In conclusion".
- Edited for grammar; In conclusion, the governor and mayor disagree on whether or not to close the schools.
Good job! The main thing to focus on for next time is grammar, so make sure you are reading the sentences out loud so they flow on the paper the way they would if you spoke them.
Fully Edited Version:
There are differences of opinion between the governor and mayor about school closure due to COVID-19. Gov. Andrew Cuomo thinks that schools should remain open, while Mayor Bill de Blasio thinks they should close. The text states that, "NYC schools will not reopen this academic year, mayor Bill De Blasio announced Saturday." Also in the text it states that Gov. Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in thinking that the city's more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely, at least through June 26. The governor and mayor disagree on whether or not to close the schools.
Edited by Grace Drake
All people can't enter the program to become astronauts. One example is that NASA is requiring higher education. In the text it states," this time NASA is requiring higher levels of education." Another example is that there are challenging parts for training. Also in the text it states," there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the canidates must successfuly complete them all." Astronauts all can't enter the program because there are challenging part to successes.
Edits:
All people can't enter the program to become astronauts.
- I am changing "all people can't" to "not all people can", because it sounds like nobody can become an astronaut!
- Edited for word choice; Not all people can train to become astronauts.
One example is that NASA is requiring higher education.
- I would change "example" to "obstacle" so people know that it is a challenge.
- One obstacle to becoming an astronaut is that NASA is requiring higher education.
In the text it states," this time NASA is requiring higher levels of education."
- Shift the first quotation mark over to the right so it is hugging the first word of the quote!
- Edited for punctuation; In the text it states, "this time NASA is requiring higher levels of education."
Another example is that there are challenging parts for training.
- Again, I would only change "example" to "obstacle".
- Edited for word choice; Another obstacle is that there are challenging aspects of the training.
Also in the text it states," there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the canidates must successfuly complete them all."
- Watch out for that first quotation mark! Try to copy quotes directly from the article so the spelling stays the same.
- Edited for punctuation and spelling; Also in the text it states, "there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all."
Astronauts all can't enter the program because there are challenging part to successes.
- I am changing "Astronauts all can't" to "Not all potential astronauts", because "potential" tells the reader that they are not astronauts yet.
- Edited for word choice; Not all potential astronauts can enter the program because there are challenging roadblocks to success.
Great job! I would say that the main thing to work on for next time is to pick quotes that show your point, but are not too similar to what you had said in the previous sentence. This is so sentences aren't repetitive, and you can pick a quote that shows a specific example of your general point.
Fully Edited Version:
Not all people can train to become astronauts. One obstacle to becoming an astronaut is that NASA is requiring higher education. In the text it states, "this time NASA is requiring higher levels of education." Another obstacle is that there are challenging aspects of the training. Also in the text it states, "there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all." Not all potential astronauts can enter the program because there are challenging roadblocks to success."
Edited by Grace Drake
There are differences about this graduation ceremony from other graduation ceremonies. One example is that the robots take the persons places. The text states," each time a student's was called out by a moterator, the robots would be dressed in graduation caps, gowns motered to the podium to accept the deploma from the president. The graduation ceremomy this year is different from last because of the pandemic.
Edits:
There are differences about this graduation ceremony from other graduation ceremonies.
- It is important to specify exactly which ceremony in the first sentence so the reader knows.
- Edited for word choice; A graduation ceremony in Tokyo, Japan held this year was different from other graduation ceremonies.
One example is that the robots take the persons places.
- This is a great place to use "example"! I am changing "persons" to "students" to be more specific, and don't forget the apostrophe there.
- Edited for punctuation and word choice; One example is that robots took students' places.
The text states," each time a student's was called out by a moterator, the robots would be dressed in graduation caps, gowns motered to the podium to accept the deploma from the president.
- There are just some spelling issues in the quote. To prevent this, you can copy and paste the quote directly from the article instead of typing it. I don't have a copy of the article, so I am just guessing what the quote should be. If it is incorrect, you can paste the right words from the article.
- Edited for spelling; The text states, "each time a student's name was called out by a moderator, the robots would be dressed in graduation caps, gowns, and motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president."
The graduation ceremomy this year is different from last because of the pandemic.
- Don't forget the concluding statement!
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, the graduation ceremony this year is different from the last due to a pandemic.
Fully Edited Version:
A graduation ceremony in Tokyo, Japan held this year was different from other graduation ceremonies. One example is that robots took students' places. The text states, "each time a student's name was called out by a moderator, the robots would be dressed in graduation caps, gowns, and motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president." In conclusion, the graduation ceremony this year is different from the last due to a pandemic.
Edited by Grace Drake
William had accomplished many achivments. One of them was when he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food and raised $63,000. In the text it states that 7 years later, he's collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a prudential spirit of community. William had accomplished many achivments.
Edits:
William had accomplished many achivments.
- This is a good opening sentence! I am just editing for the spelling of "achievements".
- Edited for spelling; William has accomplished many achievements.
One of them was when he collected more than 55,000 pounds of food and raised $63,000.
- I would change the beginning to say "One accomplishment was collecting", because that uses more specific wording than "one of them".
- Edited for word choice; One accomplishment was collecting more than 55,000 pounds of food and raising $63,000.
In the text it states that 7 years later, he's collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a prudential spirit of community.
- This is a great sentence! If this is a direct quote, make sure to put it in quotation marks.
William had accomplished many achivments.
- I would switch up the wording a bit because this is the exact same as your opening sentence.
- Edited for word choice; In conclusion, William has accomplished many feats towards helping end hunger.
Overall, you did a good job of sticking to the structure! The one thing I would do is try to vary your first and last sentences, and make sure that if you use the author's words, then put them in quotes. Nice work!
Fully Edited Version:
William has accomplished many achievements. One accomplishment was collecting more than 55,000 pounds of food and raising $63,000. In the text it states that 7 years later, he's collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a prudential spirit of the community. In conclusion, William has accomplished many feats towards helping end hunger.
Edited by Grace Drake
Earth day this year would be celebrated at home. One thing they would do is to sing Earth day sing out. In the text it states that, community members are encourged to record themselves and sing one of the 30 suggested songs. Earth day this year is going to be celebrated at home because of the pandemic.
The boys are helping the seniors. One example is that a boy was infront of a door ful of groceries in his hands. In the text it states that Matthew Carsitano and Dhruv Pai showed up at a door with a bag full of groceries. The boys that are helping seniors is a lot of help.
You can help improve the earth on Earth Day. One way is that you can plant your own tree because every year they get cut down. In the text it states that, researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees in the world are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own. In conclusion, you can improve the Earth to keep it healthy in many ways.
