One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is ending major hunger for childhood. Another accomplishment that William has achieved is raising $63,000 and collecting 55,000 pounds of food. That is the evidence that William has contributed to help ending major hunger for childhood for so many kids.
For fluidity, clarity: One of William's achievements is working to end childhood hunger.
Make sure your sentences make sense in the grand scheme of things. For example, hunger in children is a problem that has not yet been solved. William is merely working to alleviate the problem--he did not eradicate it.
For fluidity: William has also raised $63,000 and collected 55,000 pounds of food.
For clarity, fluidity: That is the evidence that William has indeed contributed to help end major childhood hunger for so many kids.
Try not to have any excess words in your summaries!
- Edited by Hailey
