Tent's Writing Page 

                  I would choose jigsaw puzzles and indoor basketball for many reasons I would choose for many reasons. I choose a jigsaw puzzle because it helps you vitual-spitual. It can help you with driving a car,using a map, learning and following dance moves, and a whole host of other things.I choose this because these things can be really useful when I'm big.i choose indoor basketball because it can burn a lot of my calories and become fit instead of becoming fat. Burns calories (an hour 630-750 calories).I choose indoor basketball because  it  gives your whole body exercice  because there is a lot of running,jumping,and I  like playing basketball a lot.

I would choose jigsaw puzzles and indoor basketball for many reasons I would choose for many reasons.

      • The “I would choose for many reasons” at the end of this sentence is not needed. Additionally, do not use first person point of view (“I”). Use third person point of view, which does not use “I.” Also, please restate the prompt, otherwise it is not clear what this paragraph is responding to.

Edited sentence: People could choose jigsaw puzzles and indoor basketball for many reasons. 

I choose a jigsaw puzzle because it helps you vitual-spitual.
      • I am not sure what “vitual-spitual” means. Avoid first person point of view (“I”) and second person point of view (“you”). Use third person point of view. Third person point of view names a person, and does not use “I” or “you.”

Edited sentence: People can choose a jigsaw puzzle because it helps them virtually and spiritually. 

It can help you with driving a car,using a map, learning and following dance moves, and a whole host of other things.
      • A space after the first comma is needed. Choose either “learning” or “following” because you do not need to include both words. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view.

Edited sentence: It can help people with driving a car, using a map, learning dance moves, and a whole host of other things.

I choose this because these things can be really useful when I'm big.

      • Avoid using the word “things” and replace it with words that describe what those things are. Avoid first person point of view and use third person point of view.

Edited sentence: People choose this activity because it can be really useful when a person gets older.

i choose indoor basketball because it can burn a lot of my calories and become fit instead of becoming fat.

      • Describe what becomes “fit.” Avoid first person point of view and use third person point of view.

Edited sentence: People choose indoor basketball because it can burn a lot of calories and help them become fit instead of becoming fat. 

Burns calories (an hour 630-750 calories).
      • You can combine this sentence with the previous sentence.

Edited sentence: People choose indoor basketball because it can burn a lot of calories (630-750 calories an hour) and help them become fit instead of becoming fat.

I choose indoor basketball because it gives your whole body exercice because there is a lot of running,jumping,and I like playing basketball a lot.

      • Add a space after each comma. “exercice” should be spelled as “exercise.” Avoid first person point of view (“I”) and second person point of view (“you”). Use third person point of view. I would split this sentence into two sentences.

Edited sentence: People choose indoor basketball because it gives the whole body exercise from a lot of running and jumping. Playing basketball is enjoyable.

      • Please restate the prompt in your paragraph. Additionally, please use third person point of view instead of first person point of view ("I") or second person point of view ("you").


Edited paragraph:

People could choose jigsaw puzzles and indoor basketball for many reasons. People can choose a jigsaw puzzle because it helps them virtually and spiritually. It can help people with driving a car, using a map, learning dance moves, and a whole host of other things. People choose this activity because it can be really useful when a person gets older. People choose indoor basketball because it can burn a lot of calories (630-750 calories an hour) and help them become fit instead of becoming fat. People choose indoor basketball because it gives the whole body exercise from a lot of running and jumping. Playing basketball is enjoyable.

Original paragraph:

I would choose jigsaw puzzles and indoor basketball for many reasons I would choose for many reasons. I choose a jigsaw puzzle because it helps you vitual-spitual. It can help you with driving a car,using a map, learning and following dance moves, and a whole host of other things.I choose this because these things can be really useful when I'm big.i choose indoor basketball because it can burn a lot of my calories and become fit instead of becoming fat. Burns calories (an hour 630-750 calories).I choose indoor basketball because it gives your whole body exercice because there is a lot of running,jumping,and I like playing basketball a lot.