Article Summary Page
10/11/19
Many State Birds could become stateless
There are many reports on how if the Earth continues the trend of warming, many North American birds could become extinct or endangered. As Climate change occurs, North American bird population has plummeted by 2.9 billion breeding adults since 1970. This is a drastic change
10/10/19
Many people likely to face food and water shortage as Nature fails.
For the past several decades, mankind has wretched the face of the Earth, altering more than 75% of land masses and 66% of oceans. As we destroy nature, we also destroy ourselves, as our lives are completely dependent on whether or not nature is able to provide for us. Nature provides with food, coastal protection, and clean water, however, because we are destroying the things nature gives us, flooding will occur more often and more sever, there will be a shortage of food, many species will become extinct, and most importantly, we might too.
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/billions-face-water-food-insecurity/#close
10/9/19
New Shark-toothed Dinosaur found in Thailand
Dating back millions of years, the new species, Siamraptor suwati, was just discovered. Said to be one of the most important Thai dinosaurs ever found, Siamraptor suwati is the most complete dinosaur of its respected age and type in Southeast Asia. New intel on the dinosaur could reveal how predatory dinosaurs spread around the world. They discovered that this particular dinosaur's "skeleton is shot through with air sacs. This would have made the dinosaur’s frame lightweight and perhaps helped it breathe faster." This could explain how dinosaurs traveled in long distances and also how the dinosaurs hunted, making this project extremely important on the evolutionary history of dinosaurs.
*** "New Dinosaur Fossil Found in Thailand"***
- Good title, only edit it capitalization and quotations so the reader knows it is the title. I also removed "shark-toothed" because this is something you don't explore in the paragraph and I added "fossil" for specificity.
***A new dinosaur species, Siamraptor suwati, was just discovered in Thailand and dates back millions of years.***
- Starting the intro with a verb makes the sentence weak and, therefore, the paragraph. Switch the form of the sentence, and include "dinosaur" and "Thailand" for specificity.
***Said to be one of the most important dinosaurs ever found in the region, Siamraptor suwati presents a complete set of fossils to represent its age and type.***
- The second part of this sentence takes directly from the original piece. Replicated, it also confuses the text, especially "most complete dinosaur". Instead, reword with your own characterization and understanding of the information given.
*** New intel on the dinosaur could reveal how predatory dinosaurs spread across the world.*** - Good sentence! I like your word choice of "intel" (this incorporated your own unique voice into the written, which readers love!) Only change is "around" for "across"-- it is more descriptive to the visual of dinosaurs traveling across landmasses.
***Archeologists discovered that this particular dinosaur's "skeleton is shot through with air sacs", creating lightweight bones and exhilarated breathing.***
-Your quotation should not spread across two sentences. Use snippets or brief sections instead. Instead of the pronoun "they", be specific. Use your own interpretation of the text!
***This could explain how not only how the dinosaur traveled long distance, but also how they hunted.*** - "Dinosaur" should be singular, as you are talking about a specific dinosaur. By using the conjunction "but", the sentence completes with your assertion instead of a tone of guessing. Assert your point! Also, this sentence is still presenting new information and should be split for the paragraph to end on the right tone.
*** This project is extremely important to understanding the evolutionary history of dinosaurs.*** - We need a verb to complete the sentence so I included "understanding". Good paragraph!
EDITED VERSION
- "New Dinosaur Fossil Found in Thailand"
A new dinosaur species, Siamraptor suwati, was just discovered in Thailand and dates back millions of years. Said to be one of the most important dinosaurs ever found in the region, Siamraptor suwati presents a complete set of fossils to represent its age and type. New intel on the dinosaur could reveal how predatory dinosaurs spread across the world. Archeologists discovered that this particular dinosaur's "skeleton is shot through with air sacs", creating lightweight bones and exhilarated breathing. This could explain how not only how the dinosaur traveled long distance, but also how they hunted. This project is extremely important to understanding the evolutionary history of dinosaurs. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/huge-new-shark-toothed-dinosaur-siamraptor-found-in-thailand/
10/5/19
Hazard scores first goal for Real Madrid
The soccer player, Hazard has finally scored a goal for the team, Real Madrid. After transferring into the team Real Madrid, this spectacular soccer player and star, was having a goal drought. Hazard was one of Chelsea’s best players. During the summer, he was moved to Real Madrid. Many people consider him one of the best players in the league, so when he couldn’t score a goal for Real Madrid, fans were shocked. All that changed when he scored his first goal for Real Madrid this week. In a tough match between Granada, Real Madrid came out with a victory, and Hazard came out with his first big play with Real Madrid.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/
*** "Hazard Scores First Goal for Real Madrid."***
- Capitalize your title (only articles and conjunctions are not capitalized). Also, your source is incomplete; it just takes to the main website, not the exact article.
*** Soccer player Edan Hazard has finally scored a goal for the team Real Madrid.***
- Always use the person's full name when first introducing them. Also, the comma is not needed before "Real Madrid".
*** After transferring to the team, the usually spectacular soccer player and star was having a goal drought.***
- You already established the team he is on, so you don't need to reiterate that info. The adverb "usually" helps show the reader that the "soccer drought" was unexpected.
***Hazard was one of Chelsea's best players before he was moved to Real Madrid during the summer.***
- This sentence and the one that follows it should be brought together to form a full, complete thought.
***Many people considered him to be one of the best players in the league, so when he couldn't score a goal for Real Madrid, fans were shocked.***
- Good use of the parenthetical! "Consider" must be in past tense because you are asserting that this opinion has changed from past to present.
***All that changed when Hazard scored his first goal for his new team this week.***
- I used "Hazard" instead of the pronoun to give dynamic to the paragraph. When you only use the pronouns or only a person's name, your paragraph becomes stale.
In a tough match between Granada and Real Madrid, Hazard came out with his first big play for the team and helped bring them to victory.***
- When using "between" there must be an indication between two things, not just one. I also took away a parenthetical to make the sentence clear and concise.
EDITED VERSION
- "Hazard Scores First Goal for Real Madrid."
Soccer player Edan Hazard has finally scored a goal for the team Real Madrid. After transferring to the team, the usually spectacular soccer player and star was having a goal drought. Hazard was one of Chelsea's best players before he was moved to Real Madrid during the summer. Many people considered him to be one of the best players in the league, so when he couldn't score a goal for Real Madrid, fans were shocked. All that changed when Hazard scored his first goal for his new team this week. In a tough match between Granada and Real Madrid, Hazard came out with his first big play for the team and helped bring them to victory.
