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'''Original:''' They did many things in the evening and in the night. To begin with, they were singing the tune that best fits them. The text it states “At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune. ” This means that they were singing in the tone that best suits them. To add on, they sandy a familiar lullaby that they never grew out of. According to the text it states “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer. The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the house singing like a lark, and the last sound at night was the same cheery sound, for the girls never grew too old for that familiar lullaby.” This shows that they sang a household custom which was a lullaby that they never grew out of. In conclusion, these are some things they did in the evening and in the night. | '''Original:''' They did many things in the evening and in the night. To begin with, they were singing the tune that best fits them. The text it states “At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune. ” This means that they were singing in the tone that best suits them. To add on, they sandy a familiar lullaby that they never grew out of. According to the text it states “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer. The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the house singing like a lark, and the last sound at night was the same cheery sound, for the girls never grew too old for that familiar lullaby.” This shows that they sang a household custom which was a lullaby that they never grew out of. In conclusion, these are some things they did in the evening and in the night. | ||
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| + | '''Edits:''' | ||
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| + | <br> They did many things in the evening and in the night. To begin with, they were singing the tune that best fits them. | ||
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| + | *** Edited for fluidity: They accomplished many activities in the evening and night like singing the tune that best fits them. | ||
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| + | <br> Good! Combine these two sentences. | ||
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| + | <br> The text it states “At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. | ||
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| + | *** Edited for clarity: The text it states, “At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. | ||
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| + | <br> Great job on these two sentences! Just added a comma after 'states' | ||
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| + | <br> Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune. ” This means that they were singing in the tone that best suits them. | ||
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| + | *** Edited for clarity: "Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune.” This means that they were singing in the tone that best suits them. | ||
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| + | <br> Make sure to put the quotations in the right places. | ||
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| + | <br> To add on, they sandy a familiar lullaby that they never grew out of. According to the text it states “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer. | ||
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| + | *** Edited for fluidity: To add on, they sang a familiar lullaby that they never grew out of. According to the text it states, “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer. | ||
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| + | <br> Good! | ||
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| + | <br> The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the house singing like a lark, and the last sound at night was the same cheery sound, for the girls never grew too old for that familiar lullaby.” This shows that they sang a household custom which was a lullaby that they never grew out of. | ||
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| + | *** Great!! | ||
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| + | <br> In conclusion, these are some things they did in the evening and in the night. | ||
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| + | *** Edited for word choice: In conclusion, these are some activities they did in the evening and at night. | ||
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| + | '''Final Edit:''' | ||
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| + | They accomplished many activities in the evening and night like singing the tune that best fits them. The text it states, “At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. "Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune.” This means that they were singing in the tone that best suits them. To add on, they sang a familiar lullaby that they never grew out of. According to the text it states, “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer. The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the house singing like a lark, and the last sound at night was the same cheery sound, for the girls never grew too old for that familiar lullaby.” This shows that they sang a household custom which was a lullaby that they never grew out of. In conclusion, these are some activities they did in the evening and at night. | ||
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| + | Edited by Kelsey Eggsware | ||
Revision as of 16:40, 9 June 2020
Teda's Writing's
Original: They did many things in the evening and in the night. To begin with, they were singing the tune that best fits them. The text it states “At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune. ” This means that they were singing in the tone that best suits them. To add on, they sandy a familiar lullaby that they never grew out of. According to the text it states “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer. The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the house singing like a lark, and the last sound at night was the same cheery sound, for the girls never grew too old for that familiar lullaby.” This shows that they sang a household custom which was a lullaby that they never grew out of. In conclusion, these are some things they did in the evening and in the night.
Edits:
They did many things in the evening and in the night. To begin with, they were singing the tune that best fits them.
- Edited for fluidity: They accomplished many activities in the evening and night like singing the tune that best fits them.
Good! Combine these two sentences.
The text it states “At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir.
- Edited for clarity: The text it states, “At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir.
Great job on these two sentences! Just added a comma after 'states'
Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune. ” This means that they were singing in the tone that best suits them.
- Edited for clarity: "Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune.” This means that they were singing in the tone that best suits them.
Make sure to put the quotations in the right places.
To add on, they sandy a familiar lullaby that they never grew out of. According to the text it states “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer.
- Edited for fluidity: To add on, they sang a familiar lullaby that they never grew out of. According to the text it states, “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer.
Good!
The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the house singing like a lark, and the last sound at night was the same cheery sound, for the girls never grew too old for that familiar lullaby.” This shows that they sang a household custom which was a lullaby that they never grew out of.
- Great!!
In conclusion, these are some things they did in the evening and in the night.
- Edited for word choice: In conclusion, these are some activities they did in the evening and at night.
Final Edit:
They accomplished many activities in the evening and night like singing the tune that best fits them. The text it states, “At nine they stopped work, and sang, as usual, before they went to bed. No one but Beth could get much music out of the old piano, but she had a way of softly touching the yellow keys and making a pleasant accompaniment to the simple songs they sang. Meg had a voice like a flute, and she and her mother led the little choir. "Amy chirped like a cricket, and Jo wandered through the airs at her own sweet will, always coming out at the wrong place with a croak or a quaver that spoiled the most pensive tune.” This means that they were singing in the tone that best suits them. To add on, they sang a familiar lullaby that they never grew out of. According to the text it states, “and it had become a household custom, for the mother was a born singer. The first sound in the morning was her voice as she went about the house singing like a lark, and the last sound at night was the same cheery sound, for the girls never grew too old for that familiar lullaby.” This shows that they sang a household custom which was a lullaby that they never grew out of. In conclusion, these are some activities they did in the evening and at night.
Edited by Kelsey Eggsware
Original: According to the story, the letter from Three cheers of father made everyone’s day bright. To begin with, Mrs. March told everyone that after suppper she had a surprise for so i feel like they was eager to see the surprise Mrs. March had for them. Based on the text it states “As they gathered about the table, Mrs. March said, with a particularly happy face, "I've got a treat for you after supper." A quick, bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine. Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, "A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!" This means that after supper Mrs. March had a surprise for everyone and they might be eager to see what Mrs. March had for them. To add on, Mrs. March had something for the girls too. In the text it states "Hurry and get done! Don't stop to quirk your little finger and simper over your plate, Amy," cried Jo, choking on her tea and dropping her bread, butter side down, on the carpet in her haste to get at the treat. Beth ate no more, but crept away to sit in her shadowy corner and brood over the delight to come, till the others were ready.” This shows that they were eating very fast because they wanted to know what’s inside. In conclusion, this is what made everyone happy.
Edits:
According to the story, the letter from Three cheers of father made everyone’s day bright. To begin with, Mrs. March told everyone that after suppper she had a surprise for so i feel like they was eager to see the surprise Mrs. March had for them.
- Edited for clarity: According to the story, the letter from Three cheers of father made everyone’s day bright. To begin with, Mrs. March told everyone that after supper she had a surprise for so they were eager to see the surprise Mrs. March had for them.
Great first sentence! 'Supper' is only two p's
Based on the text it states “As they gathered about the table, Mrs. March said, with a particularly happy face, "I've got a treat for you after supper." A quick, bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine.
- Edited for fluidity: Based on the text it states, “As they gathered about the table, Mrs. March said, with a particularly happy face, "I've got a treat for you after supper." A quick, bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine.
Just add a comma after the word 'states'
Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, "A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!" This means that after supper Mrs. March had a surprise for everyone and they might be eager to see what Mrs. March had for them.
- Edited for fluidity: Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, "A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!"
Take out the last sentence because it was already stated above.
To add on, Mrs. March had something for the girls too. In the text it states "Hurry and get done! Don't stop to quirk your little finger and simper over your plate, Amy," cried Jo, choking on her tea and dropping her bread, butter side down, on the carpet in her haste to get at the treat. Beth ate no more, but crept away to sit in her shadowy corner and brood over the delight to come, till the others were ready.”
- Edited for fluidity: To add on, Mrs. March had something for the girls, too. In the text it states "Hurry and get done! Don't stop to quirk your little finger and simper over your plate, Amy," cried Jo, choking on her tea and dropping her bread, butter side down, on the carpet in her haste to get at the treat. Beth ate no more, but crept away to sit in her shadowy corner and brood over the delight to come, till the others were ready.”
Great job on these two sentences!
In conclusion, this is what made everyone happy.
- Great concluding sentence!
Final Edit:
According to the story, the letter from Three cheers of father made everyone’s day bright. To begin with, Mrs. March told everyone that after supper she had a surprise for so they were eager to see the surprise Mrs. March had for them. Based on the text it states, “As they gathered about the table, Mrs. March said, with a particularly happy face, "I've got a treat for you after supper." A quick, bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine. Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, "A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!" To add on, Mrs. March had something for the girls, too. In the text it states "Hurry and get done! Don't stop to quirk your little finger and simper over your plate, Amy," cried Jo, choking on her tea and dropping her bread, butter side down, on the carpet in her haste to get at the treat. Beth ate no more, but crept away to sit in her shadowy corner and brood over the delight to come, till the others were ready.” In conclusion, this is what made everyone happy.
Edited by Kelsey Eggsware
'Original: According to the story, Beth is scared about people fainting. To begin when then where rehearsing Beth was sacred when they fainted. Based on the text it states “I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.” This means that she is frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead. According to the text it states “Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling. Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her, and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery, and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish. Jo gave a despairing groan, and Meg laughed outright, while Beth let her bread burn as she watched the fun with interest. "It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked if they can do it in another way so they did but then it didn’t work so she said if they audience laugh it’s not my fault. In conclusion, this is what Beth is scared about according to this story.
Edits:
According to the story, Beth is scared about people fainting.
- Great first sentence!
To begin when then where rehearsing Beth was sacred when they fainted. Based on the text it states “I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.”
- Edited for punctuation: To begin, when they were rehearsing Beth was scared when they fainted. Based on the text it states, "I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.”
Good! Some mistakes were made in the first sentences.
This means that she is frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead.
- Edited for clarity: This means that she was frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead.
Good! Make sure to use past tense.
According to the text it states “Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling.
- Edited for clarity: According to the text it states, "Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling.
Make sure to add a comma after the word 'states'
Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her, and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery, and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish. Jo gave a despairing groan, and Meg laughed outright, while Beth let her bread burn as she watched the fun with interest.
- Great job on this sentence!
"It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked if they can do it in another way so they did but then it didn’t work so she said if they audience laugh it’s not my fault.
- Edited for clarity: "It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked them to do it another way so they did but it didn't work. They said if the audience laughed it's not my fault.
Good! Changed some wording around
In conclusion, this is what Beth is scared about according to this story.
- Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is what Beth was scared of.
Take out 'according to this story' because we already know this. Great job!
Final Edit:
According to the story, Beth is scared about people fainting. To begin, when they were rehearsing Beth was scared when they fainted. Based on the text it states, "I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.” This means that she was frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead. According to the text it states, "Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling. Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her, and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery, and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish. Jo gave a despairing groan, and Meg laughed outright, while Beth let her bread burn as she watched the fun with interest. "It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked them to do it another way so they did but it didn't work. They said if the audience laughed it's not my fault. In conclusion, this is what Beth was scared of.
Edited by Kelsey Eggsware
