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        Within the story the excerpt can be described in many ways. To begin with, people like Tommy Banks should should greet people new or if they are not new you should always remember the ways of greeting people. The text states “Don't know yet.” “What's your name?” “Nat Blake.” “Mine's Tommy Bangs. Come up and have a go, will you?” This means that Tommy Banks is being polite by greeting Nate Blake to the new place. To add on, people like Nate Blake should control themselves when racing or not also never expect yourself to be half dead even though you hurt yourself. According to the text it states “So absorbed did Nat become in this exciting race, that he ventured farther and farther out of his corner; and when one very lively boy came down so swiftly that he could not stop himself, but fell off the banisters, with a crash that would have broken any head but one rendered nearly as hard as a cannon-ball by eleven years of constant bumping, Nat forgot himself, and ran up to the fallen rider, expecting to find him half-dead.“ This shows that Nate Blake should control himself like other people and not think about bad things about yourself. In conclusion, these are some ways within the story the excerpt can described in many ways.
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        The story tells us that Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person. To begin with, Mrs. Bhaer didn’t yell at the three wrestlers to greet them she shook their hands to greet them also she cared about her sons to be clean and healthy. The text states, “The three wrestlers obeyed at once; and the stout man, with a chubby child on each shoulder, came up to welcome the new boy. Rob and Teddy merely grinned at him, but Mr. Bhaer shook hands. There is a place all ready for three, my son” This means that she has a very nice heart for caring for her son and greeting the three wrestlers politely. To add on, she was helping the boy by giving him medicine to feel better. According to the text it states, “ “All winter. I got cold, and it wouldn't get better, somehow. “Robin, my man, trot up to Nursey, and tell her to give you the cough-bottle and the liniment,” said Mr. Bhaer“ This shows that she is giving medicine to the poor sick boy and treating him with respect. In conclusion, this is what the story tells us how Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person.
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          Within the story the excerpt can be described in many ways. To begin with, people like Tommy Banks should should greet people new or if they are not new you should always remember the ways of greeting people. The text states “Don't know yet.” “What's your name?” “Nat Blake.” “Mine's Tommy Bangs. Come up and have a go, will you?” This means that Tommy Banks is being polite by greeting Nate Blake to the new place. To add on, people like Nate Blake should control themselves when racing or not also never expect yourself to be half dead even though you hurt yourself. According to the text it states “So absorbed did Nat become in this exciting race, that he ventured farther and farther out of his corner; and when one very lively boy came down so swiftly that he could not stop himself, but fell off the banisters, with a crash that would have broken any head but one rendered nearly as hard as a cannon-ball by eleven years of constant bumping, Nat forgot himself, and ran up to the fallen rider, expecting to find him half-dead.“ This shows that Nate Blake should control himself like other people and not think about bad things about yourself. In conclusion, these are some ways within the story the excerpt can described in many ways.
 
      
 
      
  

Revision as of 13:24, 22 May 2020

Teda's Writing's
       The story tells us that Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person. To begin with, Mrs. Bhaer didn’t yell at the three wrestlers to greet them she shook their hands to greet them also she cared about her sons to be clean and healthy. The text states, “The three wrestlers obeyed at once; and the stout man, with a chubby child on each shoulder, came up to welcome the new boy. Rob and Teddy merely grinned at him, but Mr. Bhaer shook hands. There is a place all ready for three, my son” This means that she has a very nice heart for caring for her son and greeting the three wrestlers politely. To add on, she was helping the boy by giving him medicine to feel better. According to the text it states, “ “All winter. I got cold, and it wouldn't get better, somehow. “Robin, my man, trot up to Nursey, and tell her to give you the cough-bottle and the liniment,” said Mr. Bhaer“ This shows that she is giving medicine to the poor sick boy and treating him with respect. In conclusion, this is what the story tells us how Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person.










          Within the story the excerpt can be described in many ways. To begin with, people like Tommy Banks should should greet people new or if they are not new you should always remember the ways of greeting people. The text states “Don't know yet.” “What's your name?” “Nat Blake.” “Mine's Tommy Bangs. Come up and have a go, will you?” This means that Tommy Banks is being polite by greeting Nate Blake to the new place. To add on, people like Nate Blake should control themselves when racing or not also never expect yourself to be half dead even though you hurt yourself. According to the text it states “So absorbed did Nat become in this exciting race, that he ventured farther and farther out of his corner; and when one very lively boy came down so swiftly that he could not stop himself, but fell off the banisters, with a crash that would have broken any head but one rendered nearly as hard as a cannon-ball by eleven years of constant bumping, Nat forgot himself, and ran up to the fallen rider, expecting to find him half-dead.“ This shows that Nate Blake should control himself like other people and not think about bad things about yourself. In conclusion, these are some ways within the story the excerpt can described in many ways.
   









            There are many ways of how the peddler got his revenge on the Baron. To begin with, this is the cause of why the peddler wanted revenge. The text states “As soon as the baron, with his company and his dogs, had disappeared through the castle gate, she tried to raise herself by her own exertions; but the bough broke off at the top, and she would have fallen backwards among the reeds if a strong hand had not at that moment seized her from above. It was the hand of a peddler, who, at a short distance, had witnessed the whole affair and hastened up to give assistance.” This means that this is what happened that made the peddler want to get revenge. To add on, peddler got revenge by imitating the noble baron. According to the text it states “Everything in its right place," he said, imitating the noble baron, as he drew the little maiden up on dry ground. ” this shows that he got revenge by imitating the noble baron. In conclusion, these are some ways of how the peddler got revenge on the baron.










Original: There are many reasons that lead to why Ali baba hid his findings. To begin with, Ali baba dug a hole to hide is findings. The text states “I will dig a hole to cover my findings” This means that Ali baba wants no one to take what he found. To add on, Ali baba finds gold and sliver and many marvelous things that dazzle his wife and he recommend his wife to keep it a secret. According to the text it states “He then emptied the bags, which raised such a great heap of gold as dazzled his wife's eyes, and then he told her the whole adventure from beginning to end, and, above all, recommended her to keep it secret.“ This shows that he found many things that fascinate his wife and told her to keep it a secret. In conclusion, these are some reasons that lead to why Ali baba hid his his findings.

Edits:


There are many reasons that lead to why Ali baba hid his findings.

      • Great first sentence!


To begin with, Ali baba dug a hole to hide is findings. The text states “I will dig a hole to cover my findings” This means that Ali baba wants no one to take what he found.

      • Edited for fluidity: To begin with, the text states, "I will dig a hole to cover my findings." This means that Ali baba wanted no one to take what he found.


Take out the first sentence because it is already explained in the citation in the next sentence. Also, add a comma after states


To add on, Ali baba finds gold and sliver and many marvelous things that dazzle his wife and he recommend his wife to keep it a secret.

      • Great work!


According to the text it states “He then emptied the bags, which raised such a great heap of gold as dazzled his wife's eyes, and then he told her the whole adventure from beginning to end, and, above all, recommended her to keep it secret.“

      • Great use of a citation.


This shows that he found many things that fascinate his wife and told her to keep it a secret.

      • Edited for grammar: This shows that he found many things that fascinated his wife and told her to keep it a secret.


In conclusion, these are some reasons that lead to why Ali baba hid his his findings.

      • Great concluding sentence. Awesome job on this paragraph! Very impressed.

Final Edit:


There are many reasons that lead to why Ali baba hid his findings. To begin with, the text states, "I will dig a hole to cover my findings." This means that Ali baba wanted no one to take what he found. To add on, Ali baba finds gold and sliver and many marvelous things that dazzle his wife and he recommend his wife to keep it a secret. According to the text it states “He then emptied the bags, which raised such a great heap of gold as dazzled his wife's eyes, and then he told her the whole adventure from beginning to end, and, above all, recommended her to keep it secret.“ This shows that he found many things that fascinated his wife and told her to keep it a secret. In conclusion, these are some reasons that lead to why Ali baba hid his his findings.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware











Original:' We will know when the author is using personification. To begin with, the author is using personification when the author states an animal that’s doing what humans do. The text states “Personification is when you give an animal or object qualities or abilities that only a human can have.“ This means that the author can state personification when the animal is acting like a human. To add on, Another ways is that the author writes personification by writing a non-human thing. According to the text it states”Personification is what writers use to bring non-human things to life. It helps us better understand the writer's message.” This shows that writing a non-human thing can mean that the author is using personification. In conclusion, these are some ways that the author uses to write personification.

Edits:


We will know when the author is using personification. To begin with, the author is using personification when the author states an animal that’s doing what humans do.

      • Edited for clarity: The author uses personification when he states an animal acting like a human.


Good! Take out the first sentence and state that the author uses personification and use the word 'acting' instead of 'doing'


The text states “Personification is when you give an animal or object qualities or abilities that only a human can have.“ This means that the author can state personification when the animal is acting like a human.

      • Edited for fluidity: According to the text, "Personification is when you give an animal or object qualities or abilities that only a human can have."


To add on, Another ways is that the author writes personification by writing a non-human thing.

      • Edited for grammar: To add on, any other way is that the author writes personification by writing about a non-human object.


Instead of 'thing' say 'object' and 'ways' should be singular


According to the text it states”Personification is what writers use to bring non-human things to life. It helps us better understand the writer's message.” This shows that writing a non-human thing can mean that the author is using personification.

      • Edited for punctuation and fluidity: According to the text it states, "Personification is what writers use to bring non-human things to life. It helps us better understand the writer's message." This shows that writing a non-human thing can mean that the author is using personification.


Good citation!


In conclusion, these are some ways that the author uses to write personification.

      • Great ending sentence!!

Final Edit:

The author uses personification when he states an animal acting like a human. According to the text, "Personification is when you give an animal or object qualities or abilities that only a human can have." To add on, any other way is that the author writes personification by writing about a non-human object. According to the text it states, "Personification is what writers use to bring non-human things to life. It helps us better understand the writer's message." This shows that writing about a non-human object can mean that the author is using personification. In conclusion, these are some ways that the author uses to write personification.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware










Original: The story can mean many things. To begin with, people were calling him ugly. The text states “"Poor despised plants," said the apple bough, "it is not your fault that you are so ugly and that you have such an ugly name, but it is with plants as with men—there must be a difference." This means that people didn’t care about him. To add on, he couldn’t see very far. According to the text it states “"You do not see very far nor very clearly," he said to the apple branch. "Which is the despised plant you so specially pity?" This shows that he couldn’t see properly. In conclusion, these are some meanings that can show what the story means.

Edits:


The story can mean many things. To begin with, people were calling him ugly.

      • Edited for clarity: The story discussed how people were calling him ugly and that he couldn't see properly.


Good! Put in both that people were calling him ugly and that he couldn't see properly.


The text states “"Poor despised plants," said the apple bough, "it is not your fault that you are so ugly and that you have such an ugly name, but it is with plants as with men—there must be a difference."

      • Edited for punctuations: The text states "Poor despised plants," said the apple bough, "it is not your fault that you are so ugly and that you have such an ugly name, but it is with plants with men-there must be a difference.


Make sure to only had one quotation. Good citation!


This means that people didn’t care about him.

      • Great job.


To add on, he couldn’t see very far. According to the text it states “"You do not see very far nor very clearly," he said to the apple branch. "Which is the despised plant you so specially pity?" This shows that he couldn’t see properly.

      • Edited for clarity: To add on, he couldn't see very far because according to the text, "You do not see very far nor very clearly," he said to the apple branch. "Which is the despised plant you so specially pit?"


This can be shortened into two sentences and add a comma after the word 'text.' Also, the last sentence can be deleted because it is already stated above.


In conclusion, these are some meanings that can show what the story means.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, the story talked about his ugly appearance and how he couldn't see properly.


State what the two meanings were in the story.

Final Edit:


The story discussed how people were calling him ugly and that he couldn't see properly. The text states "Poor despised plants," said the apple bough, "it is not your fault that you are so ugly and that you have such an ugly name, but it is with plants with men-there must be a difference. This means that people didn’t care about him. To add on, he couldn't see very far because according to the text, "You do not see very far nor very clearly," he said to the apple branch. "Which is the despised plant you so specially pit?" In conclusion, the story talked about his ugly appearance and how he couldn't see properly.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

















Original: There are many differences between the grasshopper and the leapfrog. To begin with, the leapfrog can jump higher than the grasshopper. The text states “ The Flea jumped so high that no one could see what had become of him; and so they insisted that he had not jumped at all—which was disgraceful after all the fuss he had made.” This means that the leapfrog can jump very high people could not see the leapfrog anymore. To add on, the grasshopper only jumped half way high than the leapfrog. According to the text it states “The Grasshopper jumped only half as high;” this shows that grasshopper jumped very low then the leapfrog. In conclusion, these are some differences between the grasshopper and the leapfrog.

Edits:


There are many differences between the grasshopper and the leapfrog. To begin with, the leapfrog can jump higher than the grasshopper.

      • Edited for clarity: There are many differences between the grasshopper and the leapfrog but one is that the leapfrog can jump higher than the grasshopper.


Good job! Combine these two sentences to make the sentence flow better.


The text states “ The Flea jumped so high that no one could see what had become of him; and so they insisted that he had not jumped at all—which was disgraceful after all the fuss he had made.”

      • Edited for punctuation: The text states "The flea jumped so high that no one could see what had become of him, and so they insisted that he had not jumped at all-which was disgraceful after all the fuss he made."


Great quote from the article! instead of a semicolon, put a comma after 'him'


This means that the leapfrog can jump very high people could not see the leapfrog anymore.

      • Edited for clarity: This means that the leapfrog can jump so high that people couldn't see him anymore.


Changed the wording around to make this sentence more clear.


To add on, the grasshopper only jumped half way high than the leapfrog.

      • Edited for clarity: To add on, the grasshopper jumped halfway higher than the leapfrog.


Halfway should be one word.


According to the text it states “The Grasshopper jumped only half as high;” this shows that grasshopper jumped very low then the leapfrog.

      • Edited for clarity: According to the text, it states "The grasshopper jumped only half as high."


The second sentence can be taken out because you already clarified it in the previous sentence


In conclusion, these are some differences between the grasshopper and the leapfrog.

      • Great!!


Final Edit:

There are many differences between the grasshopper and the leapfrog but one is that the leapfrog can jump higher than the grasshopper. The text states "The flea jumped so high that no one could see what had become of him, and so they insisted that he had not jumped at all-which was disgraceful after all the fuss he made." This means that the leapfrog can jump so high that people couldn't see him anymore. To add on, the grasshopper jumped halfway higher than the leapfrog. According to the text, it states "The grasshopper jumped only half as high." In conclusion, these are some differences between the grasshopper and the leapfrog.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware
















Original: Protagonist and the antagonist can be many things in the story. To begin with, the protagonist is the main character in the story. The text states “The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own, which seemed to him the most important.” This means that Gerda is the main character of the story so she the protagonist. To add on, the antagonist is a person who helps the protagonist. According to the text it states “Oh, you poor things," said the Lapland woman, "you have a long way to go yet. You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.” this shows that the Lapland woman is the antagonist because she helped the protagonist find the to the Snow Queen and told her that the Snow Queen lives there now. In conclusion, these are some meanings that lead to the meaning of the protagonist and the antagonist.


Edits:


Protagonist and the antagonist can be many things in the story. To begin with, the protagonist is the main character in the story.

      • Edited for grammar and fluidity: The protagonist and the antagonist can mean many things within the story but the protagonist is usually the main character.


Great! Combine these two sentences to make the first sentence flow better! Also, 'the' should be added before the word protagonist


The text states “The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own, which seemed to him the most important.” This means that Gerda is the main character of the story so she the protagonist.

      • Edited for fluidity: The text states, “The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own, which seemed to him the most important.” This means that Gerda is the protagonist because she's the man character in the story.


Great use of citations!


To add on, the antagonist is a person who helps the protagonist. According to the text it states “Oh, you poor things," said the Lapland woman, "you have a long way to go yet.

      • Edited for punctuation: To add on, the antagonist is a person who helps the protagonist. According to the text it states “Oh, you poor things," said the Lapland woman, "you have a long way to go yet."


Make sure to end the sentence with quotations if you started with them!


You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.”

      • Edited for clarity: The text states, "You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.”


Make sure to start and end the citations with quotations!


this shows that the Lapland woman is the antagonist because she helped the protagonist find the to the Snow Queen and told her that the Snow Queen lives there now.

      • Edited for capitalization: This shows that the Lapland woman is the antagonist because she helped the protagonist find the Snow Queen and told her that the Snow Queen lives there now.


Make sure the begin every sentence with a capital letter


In conclusion, these are some meanings that lead to the meaning of the protagonist and the antagonist.

      • Great concluding sentence!

Final Edit:


The protagonist and the antagonist can mean many things within the story but the protagonist is usually the main character. The text states, “The reindeer told her all about Gerda's story after having first told his own, which seemed to him the most important.” This means that Gerda is the protagonist because she's the man character in the story. To add on, the antagonist is a person who helps the protagonist. According to the text it states “Oh, you poor things," said the Lapland woman, "you have a long way to go yet." The text states, "You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.” This shows that the Lapland woman is the antagonist because she helped the protagonist find the Snow Queen and told her that the Snow Queen lives there now. In conclusion, these are some meanings that lead to the meaning of the protagonist and the antagonist.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware












Original: There are many meanings for company. To begin with, people want to join his company. One detail from the text is “ I want to join”. This means that people want to join his new company. To add on, people are asking if his job is full. Another detail from the text is “I’ll will tell you in a moment if you keep quiet. Is your company full.” This shows that people are willing to join his new company . In conclusion, these are some meanings that mean company.

Edits:


There are many meanings for company. To begin with, people want to join his company. One detail from the text is “ I want to join”. This means that people want to join his new company.

      • Edited for clarity: There are many meanings for the word, 'company.' To begin with, one detail from the text is "I want to join" which means people wanted to join his company.


Who is he? Also, make sure you are putting one space int better each word! These sentences can be combined.


To add on, people are asking if his job is full. Another detail from the text is “I’ll will tell you in a moment if you keep quiet. Is your company full.”

      • Edited for clarity: To add on, people are asking if his job is full. Another detail from the text is, "I will tell you in a moment if you keep quiet. Is your company full?"


Make sure to add a question mark at the end of a question. Also, 'I'll will' should be 'I will'


This shows that people are willing to join his new company . In conclusion, these are some meanings that mean company.

      • Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this shows that people are willing to join his new company and that there are different meanings that mean 'company.'

Final Edit:

There are many meanings for the word, 'company.' To begin with, one detail from the text is "I want to join" which means people wanted to join his company. To add on, people are asking if his job is full. Another detail from the text is, "I will tell you in a moment if you keep quiet. Is your company full?" In conclusion, this shows that people are willing to join his new company and that there are different meanings that mean 'company.'


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware













Original: THere are many ways to describe the two boys. To begin with, one of the boys was running into the meadow and stood next to the flowers. The text states “The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers—flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was. To add on, the one of the other boys were playing with a lump of clay. According to the text it states “One of the boys, while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and[106] twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it.” In conclusion, these are two ways of how i describe the two boys.

Edits:

      • THere are many ways to describe the two boys.


Edited for clarity: There are a few ways to describe the two boys in this story.
Make sure to only capitalize the first letter in the sentence.

      • To begin with, one of the boys was running into the meadow and stood next to the flowers.


No need to edit this sentence! Great job

      • The text states “The second boy ran out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers—flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand. It cribbled and crawled in his brain and in his hands, and after many a day and many a year, people in the great city talked of the famous painter that he was.


Edited for clarity: The text states, "The second boy out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers - flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand."
Take out the last sentence because we already understand that the boy was in the meadow with flowers.

      • To add on, the one of the other boys were playing with a lump of clay.


Edited for clarity: To add on, the other boy was messing with a lump of clay.
Instead of 'playing' switch the word to 'messing' to make the sentence flow better

      • According to the text it states “One of the boys, while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and[106] twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it.”


Edited for clarity: According to the text, "One of the boys, while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it."
Make sure when you are citing from an article, to put the exact wording in parenthesis!

      • In conclusion, these are two ways of how i describe the two boys.


Edited for grammar and clarity: In conclusion, these are two ways to describe the two boys.
Make sure you capitalize the letter 'I'

Final Edit:

There are a few ways to describe the two boys in this story. To begin with, one of the boys was running into the meadow and stood next to the flowers. The text states, "The second boy out upon the meadow, where stood the flowers - flowers of all imaginable colors. He gathered a handful and squeezed them so tightly that the juice flew into his eyes, and some of it wet the ring upon his hand." To add on, the other boy was messing with a lump of clay. According to the text, "One of the boys, while playing by a ditch, took a lump of clay in his hand, then turned and twisted it till it took shape and was like Jason, who went in search of the Golden Fleece and found it." In conclusion, these are two ways to describe the two boys.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware













Original: Snails are acting like humans in many ways. To begin with, snails were choosing a good house for them. The text states “ I’m glad we have such good houses.” This means that humans have houses and snails have a house too. To add on, snails adopted a new child. According to the text it states “ They had adopted a little common child.” This shows that snails can adopt a child like humans. In conclusion, these are some ways of how snails act like humans.

Edits:

      • Snails are acting like humans in many ways.


Great first sentence! No need to edit.

      • To begin with, snails were choosing a good house for them.


Delete this sentence because it is already stated in the next sentence!

      • The text states “ I’m glad we have such good houses.” This means that humans have houses and snails have a house too.


Edited for clarity: To begin with the text states, "I'm glad we have such a good house, and that the youngster has his also" which means that both humans and snails have great houses.
Make sure to write the full sentence from the article and combine these two sentences to make the sentence flow better.

      • To add on, snails adopted a new child.


Delete this sentence because it is stated in the next sentence.

      • According to the text it states “ They had adopted a little common child.” This shows that snails can adopt a child like humans.


Edited for clarity: According to the article it states, "They had adopted a little common child" which shows that snails can adopt child-like humans.
Make sure to put a comma after the word states and child-like needs a dash in between the word.

      • In conclusion, these are some ways of how snails act like humans.


Edited for clarity: In conclusion, these are some of the ways snails can act like humans.
Changed the wording to make the conclusion sentence flow better.

Final Edit:

Snails are acting like humans in many ways. To begin with the text states, "I'm glad we have such a good house, and that the youngster has his also" which means that both humans and snails have great houses. According to the article it states, "They had adopted a little common child" which shows that snails can adopt child-like humans. In conclusion, these are some of the ways snails can act like humans.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware











Original: The author wrote many messages throughout the story. To begin with, one message is “Close your flowers and bend your leaves.” The text states “Close your flowers and bend your leaves.” This means that this message means to me that close your eyes like a flower and bend your hand like a leaf. To add on, another message from the text is “ But the sight will strike even human beings blind. According to the text it states “ But the sight will strike even a human beings blind.” This shows that this message means to me that the sight will come even when a human being is blind. In conclusion, these are some messages that the author wrote throughout the story.

Edits:

      • The author wrote many messages throughout the story. To begin with, one message is “Close your flowers and bend your leaves.”


Edited for fluidity: The author wrote many messages throughout the story including one that says, "Close your flowers and bend your leaves" which means to close your eyes like a flower and bend your hand like a leaf.
Combined these two sentences to make the first sentence flow better

      • The text states “Close your flowers and bend your leaves.” This means that this message means to me that close your eyes like a flower and bend your hand like a leaf.


Delete this sentence because it is already stated in the sentence above.

      • To add on, another message from the text is “ But the sight will strike even human beings blind.


Edited for clarity: To add on, another message from the text is "In a flash of lightning heaven opens and we can look in, but the sight will strike even human beings blind."
Make sure to put the full sentence from the article in your writing!

      • According to the text it states “ But the sight will strike even a human beings blind.” This shows that this message means to me that the sight will come even when a human being is blind.


Edited for fluidity: Take these two sentences out because you already said this in the sentence before.

      • In conclusion, these are some messages that the author wrote throughout the story.


Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this is one message in the article that the author wrote throughout the story.

Final Edit:

The author wrote many messages throughout the story including one that says, "Close your flowers and bend your leaves" which means to close your eyes like a flower and bend your hand like a leaf. To add on, another message from the text is "In a flash of lightning heaven opens and we can look in, but the sight will strike even human beings blind." In conclusion, this is one message in the article that the author wrote throughout the story.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware








Original: Princesses were different from each other. One detail from the text is “It is down were the Merman live. This means that Merman don’t live in a house like we do. Another detail in the text is “But like all others she had no feet and instead of legs she has a fish tail. This shows that the person has a fish tail instead of human feet. In conclusion, this is how princesses were different from each other.

Edits:

      • Princesses were different from each other.


Edited for fluidity: The princesses in this article were very different from each other.
Changed the wording around a bit to make the sentence flow better.

      • One detail from the text is “It is down were the Merman live. This means that Merman don’t live in a house like we do.


Edited for grammar: One detail from the text is that Merman doesn't live in a house as we do.
Take out the quotations and just say that Meman doesn't live in a house as we do. 'Don't should be "doesn't.'

      • Another detail in the text is “But like all others she had no feet and instead of legs she has a fish tail. This shows that the person has a fish tail instead of human feet.


Edited for grammar: Another detail in the text is "But like all others, she had no feet and instead of legs she has a fishtail" which shows that the person has a fishtail instead of human feet.
Fishtail is one word and combine these two sentences.

      • In conclusion, this is how princesses were different from each other.


Edited for grammar: In conclusion, this is how the princesses are different from each other.
Add 'the' in front of princesses.

Final Edit:

The princesses in this article were very different from each other. One detail from the text is that Merman doesn't live in a house as we do. Another detail in the text is "But like all others, she had no feet and instead of legs she has a fishtail" which shows that the person has a fishtail instead of human feet. In conclusion, this is how the princesses are different from each other.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware







Original: The Boston Dynamics are assisting during the Covid-19 pandemic. To begin with, Many people imagine wheeled or tracked robots maybe a better solution for these applications. The text states “ In many instances, We imagine wheeled or tracked robots may be better solution for these applications.” This means that people Believe that the robots can be a better solution. To add on, people truly believe that the Boston dynamics are going to be helpful. According to the text it states “The company says, None of the services .....are reliant on Boston Dynamics hardware and software.” This shows that people are dependent that the Boston Dynamics are going to be very helpful in the future. In conclusion, this is how the Boston Dynamics are assisting during the Clovis-19 pandemic.

Edits:

      • The Boston Dynamics are assisting during the Covid-19 pandemic.


Edited for grammar: The Boston Dynamics are assisting during the COVID-19 pandemic for many reasons.
Added 'for many reasons' at the end of the sentence because there are a few reasons why they are assisting. Also, COVID needs to be capitalized. Good first sentence!

      • To begin with, Many people imagine wheeled or tracked robots maybe a better solution for these applications.


Take this sentence out because the next sentence you quote the sentence from the article.

      • The text states “ In many instances, We imagine wheeled or tracked robots may be better solution for these applications.” This means that people Believe that the robots can be a better solution.


Edited for clarity: To begin, the text states, "In many instances, we image wheeled or tracked robots may be a better solution for these applications" which means that people believe these robots can be a better solution.
Make sure you are putting only one space in between in each. Also, 'maybe' should be two words - may be. Combine these two sentences.

      • To add on, people truly believe that the Boston dynamics are going to be helpful.


Edited for fluidity: To add on, this means that people believe that Boston Dynamics are going to be very helpful.
Make sure to only add one space when writing your sentences.

      • According to the text it states “The company says, None of the services .....are reliant on Boston Dynamics hardware and software.” This shows that people are dependent that the Boston Dynamics are going to be very helpful in the future.


Edited for fluidity: According to the text it states, "The company says, none of the services....are reliant on Boston Dynamics hardware and software" which shows that people are dependant that the Boston Dynamics are going to be very helpful in the future.
Combine these two sentences!

      • In conclusion, this is how the Boston Dynamics are assisting during the Clovis-19 pandemic.


Edited for grammar: In conclusion, this shows how the Boston Dynamics are assisting during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Final Edit:

The Boston Dynamics are assisting during the COVID-19 pandemic for many reasons. To begin, the text states, "In many instances, we image wheeled or tracked robots may be a better solution for these applications" which means that people believe these robots can be a better solution. To add on, this means that people believe that Boston Dynamics are going to be very helpful. According to the text it states, "The company says, none of the services....are reliant on Boston Dynamics hardware and software" which shows that people are dependant that the Boston Dynamics are going to be very helpful in the future. In conclusion, this shows how the Boston Dynamics are assisting during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware 









 Original: Many things happened to the participants. One detail from the text is “The latest follow up on a 2013, which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of Rabat’s and baboons during the sleep.” This means that researchers have to sleep more often. Another detail from the text is “ To observe the brain during the sleep, the researchers asked 13 participants to avoid their comfortable beds and spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine.” This shows that have to avoid their comfortable beds and sleep inside a MRI machine. In conclusion, this is what happens to participants.

Edits:

      • Many things happened to the participants.


Editing for clarity: In this text, I noticed a couple of things that happened to the participants.
State 'in this text' to make it clear to the reader

      • One detail from the text is “The latest follow up on a 2013, which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of Rabat’s and baboons during the sleep.” This means that researchers have to sleep more often.


Edited for fluidity: One detail from the text is "The latest follow up on 2013, which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of Rabt's and baboons during the sleep," which means that researches have to sleep more often.
Take out the 'a' in front of 2013. Combined these two sentences.

      • Another detail from the text is “ To observe the brain during the sleep, the researchers asked 13 participants to avoid their comfortable beds and spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine.”


Edited for clarity and grammar: Another detail from the text is "To observe the brain during their sleep, the researchers asked 13 participants to avoid their comfortable beds and spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine."
instead of 'the sleep' put 'their sleep'

      • This shows that have to avoid their comfortable beds and sleep inside a MRI machine. In conclusion, this is what happens to participants.


Edited for clarity and grammar: This shows that they have to avoid their comfortable beds and sleep inside an MRI machine. In conclusion, all of these events make up what happens to participants.
Put the word 'they' in front of 'have' and put more details in the conclusion sentence.

Final Edit: In this text, I noticed a couple of things that happened to the participants. One detail from the text is "The latest follow up on 2013, which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of Rabt's and baboons during the sleep," which means that researches have to sleep more often. Another detail from the text is "To observe the brain during their sleep, the researchers asked 13 participants to avoid their comfortable beds and spend the night sleeping inside an MRI machine." This shows that they have to avoid their comfortable beds and sleep inside an MRI machine. In conclusion, all of these events make up what happens to participants.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware







Original: There are many ways that you can help improve the Earth. One detail from the text is “But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into awesome things.” This means that you can reuse these items and turn them into useful items. Another detail from the text “To help save even more water, challenge yourself to take a shorter shower.” This shows that you can save more water than usual. In conclusion, these are the ways of how you can help and improve the Earth.

Edits:

      • There are many ways that you can help improve the Earth.


Edited for grammar: There are many ways that we can help improve the Earth.
Instead of 'you' change it to 'we'

      • One detail from the text is “But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into awesome things.” This means that you can reuse these items and turn them into useful items.


Edited for fluidity: One detail from the text is "But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into awesome things" which means that you can reuse these items and turn them into useful items.
Combine these two sentences!

      • Another detail from the text “To help save even more water, challenge yourself to take a shorter shower.” This shows that you can save more water than usual.


Edited for clarity: Another detail from the text is to help save even more water, challenge yourself to take a shorter shower which shows you can save more water than usual.
Take out the quotes to connect these two sentences.

      • In conclusion, these are the ways of how you can help and improve the Earth.


Edited for grammar: In conclusion, these are ways that we can help and improve the Earth.
Take out the word 'the' before 'ways'

Final Edit:

There are many ways that we can help improve the Earth. One detail from the text is "But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into awesome things" which means that you can reuse these items and turn them into useful items. Another detail from the text is to help save even more water, challenge yourself to take a shorter shower which shows you can save more water than usual. In conclusion, these are ways that we can help and improve the Earth.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware










Original: Boys in Maryland are helping seniors during this pandemic. To begin with, teens are going grocery shopping for seniors. One detail from the text is “Maryland teens go on grocery store runs for seniors. This means that seniors will stay safe from the pandemic while teens are going grocery store shopping. Furthermore, teens leave their bags out their door and seniors leave the cash out their door. Another detail from the text is “Bags of goods are left at their door, and cash is exchanged the same way.” This shows that teens do their part to stay safe and seniors are doing their part to stay safe too. In conclusion, this is how boys in Maryland are helping seniors during this pandemic.

Edits:

      • Boys in Maryland are helping seniors during this pandemic. To begin with, teens are going grocery shopping for seniors.


Edited for fluidity: Teens in Maryland are helping seniors during this pandemic by going to grocery stores and shopping for seniors.
Combine these two sentences and change 'boys' to 'teens' to make the sentence flow better

      • One detail from the text is “Maryland teens go on grocery store runs for seniors. This means that seniors will stay safe from the pandemic while teens are going grocery store shopping.


Edited for clarity: One detail from the text is that Maryland teens go on grocery store runs for seniors which means that seniors will stay safe from the pandemic while teens are going grocery store shopping.
Combine these two sentences and take out the quotations before "Maryland"

      • Furthermore, teens leave their bags out their door and seniors leave the cash out their door. Another detail from the text is “Bags of goods are left at their door, and cash is exchanged the same way.”


Edited for fluidity: Furthermore, teens leave their bags out of their door and seniors leave the cash out their door.
Combine these two sentences and take the quotations out. No need for this quote because the first sentence explains it.

      • This shows that teens do their part to stay safe and seniors are doing their part to stay safe too. In conclusion, this is how boys in Maryland are helping seniors during this pandemic.


Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this shows that teens do their part to stay safe and seniors are doing their part to stay safe too.
Take out the last sentence and start with 'In conclusion'

Final Edit: Teens in Maryland are helping seniors during this pandemic by going to grocery stores and shopping for seniors. One detail from the text is that Maryland teens go on grocery store runs for seniors which means that seniors will stay safe from the pandemic while teens are going grocery store shopping. Furthermore, teens leave their bags out of their door and seniors leave the cash out their door. In conclusion, this shows that teens do their part to stay safe and seniors are doing their part to stay safe too.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware 











Original: There are two ways in the story that reports that Earth Day is being celebrated. To begin with, people know that Earth Day is celebrated by doing good deeds. One detail from the text is “ These include planting trees, collecting roadside or Beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs.” This means that doing goods deeds means that you are celebrating Earth Day. To add on, people know the day of Earth Day and know what they do. Another detail from the text is “ Earth Day, which is celebrated annually on April 22, is usually commemorate with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection.” This shows that Earth Day is celebrated on April 22and with environment protection. In conclusion, these are two ways of how Earth Day is celebrated.

Edits:

      • There are two ways in the story that reports that Earth Day is being celebrated.


Edited for clarity: There are two examples in the article that explain how Earth Day is being celebrated.
Changed the wording around a bit to make more sense. Good first sentence!

      • To begin with, people know that Earth Day is celebrated by doing good deeds.


Edited for fluidity: To begin with, people understand that Earth Day is celebrating by people doing good deeds.
Switched some wording around.

      • One detail from the text is “ These include planting trees, collecting roadside or Beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs.” This means that doing goods deeds means that you are celebrating Earth Day.


Edited for clarity: One detail from the text is "These include planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs" which means that doing good deeds means that you are celebrating Earth Day.
Combine these two sentences!

      • To add on, people know the day of Earth Day and know what they do.


This sentence is already explained at the beginning sentence so take this out

      • Another detail from the text is “ Earth Day, which is celebrated annually on April 22, is usually commemorate with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection.”


Edited for grammar: Another detail from the text is that "Earth day, which is celebrated annually on April 22nd, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection."
'is usually commemorate' should be 'is usually commemorated'

      • This shows that Earth Day is celebrated on April 22and with environment protection. In conclusion, these are two ways of how Earth Day is celebrated.


Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, this shows that Earth day is celebrated on April 22nd with environmental protection.
Take out the last sentence.

Final Edit: There are two examples in the article that explain how Earth Day is being celebrated. To begin with, people understand that Earth Day is celebrating by people doing good deeds. One detail from the text is "These include planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs" which means that doing good deeds means that you are celebrating Earth Day. Another detail from the text is that "Earth day, which is celebrated annually on April 22nd, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection." In conclusion, this shows that Earth day is celebrated on April 22nd with environmental protection.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware










Original: There are two accomplishments that William has achieved. To begin with, William had recognized for his great work. One detail from the text is “ William had been recognized as a Purdential Spirit Of Community honorees.” This means that people recognized him because of his kindness. To add on, they both made a success. Another detail from the text is “William and Alexander made a success.” This shows that they both did what they needed to do. In conclusion, these are two accomplishments that William has achieved.

Edits:

      • There are two accomplishments that William has achieved. To begin with, William had recognized for his great work.


Edited for fluidity: William has been recognized for his great work and there are a couple of accomplishments that he has received.
Switch these two sentences around so the sentence flows better

      • One detail from the text is “ William had been recognized as a Purdential Spirit Of Community honorees.”


Edited for grammar and clarity: One detail from the text is that William has been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community Honorees.
No need for the quotations due to your explanation as it was stated in the text.

      • This means that people recognized him because of his kindness. To add on, they both made a success.


Edited for fluidity: To add on, people recognized him because of his kindness and success.
Connect these two sentences.

      • Another detail from the text is “William and Alexander made a success.” This shows that they both did what they needed to do.


Edited for fluidity: Another detail from the text is that William and Alexander made success which shows that they both did what they needed to do.
Connect these two sentences.

      • In conclusion, these are two accomplishments that William has achieved.


No need to edit.


Final Edit:

William has been recognized for his great work and there are a couple of accomplishments that he has received. One detail from the text is that William has been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community Honorees. To add on, people recognized him because of his kindness and success. Another detail from the text is that William and Alexander made success which shows that they both did what they needed to do. In conclusion, these are two accomplishments that William has achieved.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware









Original: There are two new events that are stated in the story. To begin with, students get to celebrate graduation virtually. One detail from the text is “ Then began the virtual graduation ceremony.” This means that students can celebrate graduation. To add on, students got to celebrate graduation like they at school. Another detail from the text is “Each time a students name is called out by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated “New”me”” “”avatar robot, dressed in a graduation cap and gown, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president.” This shows that they get to celebrate graduation like they did at school. In conclusion, these are two new events that are stated in the story.

Edits:











Original: If a person wants to become a astronaut they need two requirements. To begin with, an astronaut needs a masters degree in stem. One detail from the text is “ NASA now requires a master’s degree in stem.” This means that stem is part of becoming a astronaut. Furthermore, you need to have experience in flying jet planes and other work experience can be acceptable. Another detail from the text is “You also need to have experience flying jet planes, though other work experience is also acceptable.” This shows that you need to have experience to become a astronaut. In conclusion, these are two details of requirements you need to become a astronaut.

Edits:

      • If a person wants to become a astronaut they need two requirements.


Edited for fluidity: To become an astronaut, two requirements are needed to fulfill this dream.
Changed the wording a bit to make the first sentence flow better. When using a word that starts with a vowel, the 'a' becomes 'an'

      • To begin with, an astronaut needs a masters degree in stem. One detail from the text is “ NASA now requires a master’s degree in stem.” This means that stem is part of becoming a astronaut.


Edited for clarity: To begin with, one detail from the text is, "NASA now requires a master's degree in STEM" which means that this is one of the requirements needed to become an astronaut.
Changed this sentence around a little bit and explained that this requirement is needed to become an astronaut.

      • Furthermore, you need to have experience in flying jet planes and other work experience can be acceptable.


Edited for fluidity: Furthermore, experience with flying planes is needed and other work experience can be acceptable.
Wording is changed around a bit to make the sentence flow better

      • Another detail from the text is “You also need to have experience flying jet planes, though other work experience is also acceptable.” This shows that you need to have experience to become a astronaut.


Edited for grammar and fluidity: Another detail from the text is, "You also need to have experience flying jet planes, though other work is acceptable too."
Take out the second sentence because it is already stated above.

      • This shows that you need to have experience to become a astronaut.


This sentence can be deleted because of the repetition

      • In conclusion, these are two details of requirements you need to become a astronaut.


Edited for fluidity and grammar: In conclusion, these are two requirements needed to become an astronaut.
Make sure to put an 'an' before the word 'astronaut'


Final Edit: To become an astronaut, two requirements are needed to fulfill this dream. To begin with, one detail from the text is, "NASA now requires a master's degree in STEM" which means that this is one of the requirements needed to become an astronaut. Furthermore, experience with flying planes is needed and other work experience can be acceptable. Another detail from the text is, "You also need to have experience flying jet planes, though other work is acceptable too." In conclusion, these are two requirements needed to become an astronaut.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware








Original: There are two opposing views in the article. To being with, Mayor Bill De Blasio said that schools will not reopen. One detail from the text is “New York City school building will not reopen the academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday.” This means that Mayor Bill de Blasio announced that schools will not reopen. To add on, Governor Cuomo announced that there has been no decision yet. Another detail from the text is “There has been no decision. That’s the mayor’s opinion. I value it”,Cuomo said.” This shows that the decision is not made and schools might still be open. In conclusion, these are the two opposing views in the article.

Edits:

      • There are two opposing views in the article.


Edited for clarity: There are two opposing views in the article between Mayor Bill de Blasio and Governor Cuomo.
Good first sentence! Make sure to state who the two opposing views are from and 'de' is lowercase in Blasio's name.

      • To being with, Mayor Bill De Blasio said that schools will not reopen. One detail from the text is “New York City school building will not reopen the academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday.”


Edited for fluidity: To begin with, Mayor Bill de Blasio said that schools will not reopen because in the text, it states "New York City building will not reopen the academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday."
Combine these sentences because they both relate to de Blasio's cancellation of schools.

      • This means that Mayor Bill de Blasio announced that schools will not reopen.


This sentence can be deleted because it was already stated in the previous sentence.

      • To add on, Governor Cuomo announced that there has been no decision yet.


Edited for clarity: To add on, Governor Cuomo announced that there has been no decision yet regarding school cancellations.
Input what exactly the decision was about

      • Another detail from the text is “There has been no decision. That’s the mayor’s opinion. I value it”,Cuomo said.” This shows that the decision is not made and schools might still be open.


Edited for fluidity: Another detail from the text is, "There has been no decision. That's the mayor's opinion. I value it, Cuomo said." This shows that the decision is not made yet and schools might still open up.
Make sure to put a space after using any punctuation mark.

      • In conclusion, these are the two opposing views in the article.


Edited for clarity: In conclusion, Mayor Bill de Blasio and Governor Cuomo both have opposing views in this article.

Final Edit:

There are two opposing views in the article between Mayor Bill de Blasio and Governor Cuomo. To begin with, Mayor Bill de Blasio said that schools will not reopen because in the text, it states "New York City building will not reopen the academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday." To add on, Governor Cuomo announced that there has been no decision yet regarding school cancellations. Another detail from the text is, "There has been no decision. That's the mayor's opinion. I value it, Cuomo said." This shows that the decision is not made yet and schools might still open up. In conclusion, Mayor Bill de Blasio and Governor Cuomo both have opposing views in this article.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware 






 There are two reasons of why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland. One reason from the text is “ They come out at night for feeding.” This means that they only come at night to feed their kids or themselves. Another reason from the text is “ Too shallow, they dry out; too deep, and the sun won’t get to the egg masses. This shows that maybe Maybe is perfect for the Tiger Salamanders. In conclusion, these are two reasons of why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.

Edits:

      • There are two reasons of why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.


Edited for grammar: There are two reasons why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.
Take out the 'of' after reasons.

      • One reason from the text is “ They come out at night for feeding.” This means that they only come at night to feed their kids or themselves.


Edited for fluidity: One reason that is discussed from the text is that they come out at night to feed themselves and their kids.
Combine these two sentences to clarify why they come out at night. No need to quotations because you already clarified that it was from the text.

      • Another reason from the text is “ Too shallow, they dry out; too deep, and the sun won’t get to the egg masses.


Edited for clarity: The second reason that comes from the text is that if they are too shallow, they dry out and if they're too deep, the sun won't get to the egg masses.
No need for quotations. Instead of 'another reason' say the 'second reason'

      • This shows that maybe Maybe is perfect for the Tiger Salamanders. In conclusion, these are two reasons of why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.


Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, these two reasons are great examples of why Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.
Combined the last two sentences. Take out the two maybe's. Instead of saying 'this shows' say 'these two reasons'

Final Edit:

There are two reasons why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland. One reason that is discussed in the text is that they come out at night to feed themselves and their kids. The second reason that comes from the text is that if they are too shallow, they dry out and if they're too deep, the sun won't get to the egg masses. In conclusion, these two reasons are great examples of why Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware










Original: Super moons are different from regular moons that we see. To begin with, the super moon is bigger and brighter than a average full moon. The text states “ Supermoons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and fifteen percent brighter than a average full moon.” This means that super moons can be bigger and brighter than a average full moon. Furthermore, some people think that super moons can cause natural disasters. According to the text it states “ Though some people believe that a super moons proximity results in earthquakes and tidal waves. This shows that super moons can cause natural disaster. In conclusion, this is how super moons are different from regular moons we see.

Edits:

      • Super moons are different from regular moons that we see.


Edited for clarity: Super moons and regular moons are different from each other for a couple of reasons.
Explained that both moons differ from each other. Made the first sentence flow a bit better!

      • To begin with, the super moon is bigger and brighter than a average full moon. The text states “ Supermoons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and fifteen percent brighter than a average full moon.”


Edited for fluidity: To begin with, the super moon is bigger and brighter than an average full moon. The text states, "Supermoons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and fifteen percent brighter than an average full moon."
Great sentence from the article! Make sure to put 'an' instead of 'a'

      • This means that super moons can be bigger and brighter than a average full moon.


Deleted for repetition: This sentence can be deleted because it is already stated in the above sentence.

      • Furthermore, some people think that super moons can cause natural disasters.


Edited for clarity: Furthermore, many people think that super moons can cause natural disasters.
Instead of 'some' put 'many'

      • According to the text it states “ Though some people believe that a super moons proximity results in earthquakes and tidal waves.


Edited for clarity: According to the text, it states "Though some people believe that a super moons proximity results in earthquakes and tidal waves."
Add a comma after the word 'text' and make sure you end the sentence with quotations if you started with them.

      • This shows that super moons can cause natural disaster.


Edited for repetition: This can be taken out because it is already stated in the last two sentences.

      • In conclusion, this is how super moons are different from regular moons we see.


Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is how super moons and regular moons differ from each other.
Changed the wording around to make the sentence flow better.

Final Edit:

Super moons and regular moons are different from each other for a couple of reasons. To begin with, the super moon is bigger and brighter than an average full moon. The text states, "Supermoons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and fifteen percent brighter than an average full moon." Furthermore, many people think that super moons can cause natural disasters. According to the text, it states "Though some people believe that a super moons proximity results in earthquakes and tidal waves." In conclusion, this is how super moons and regular moons differ from each other.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware 








Orginal: There are negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing. To begin with, one negative reason is that standing six feet apart can still spread the virus. The text states “ Even standing six feet apart from one and another, people can spread the virus though droplets from coughs and sneezes.” This means that standing six feet apart can still spread the virus. To add on, one positive reason is that social distancing can reduce the chances of getting the virus. According to the text it states “ social distancing limits the chances of that.” This shows that social distancing can help pervert the virus. In conclusion, this is the negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing.

Edits:

      • There are negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing.


Edited for fluidity: There are negative and positive reasons to practice social distancing.
Instead of 'for practicing' switched it to 'to practice' to make the sentence flow better.

      • To begin with, one negative reason is that standing six feet apart can still spread the virus.


No need to edit this sentence. Great job!

      • The text states “ Even standing six feet apart from one and another, people can spread the virus though droplets from coughs and sneezes.”


Edited for grammar and clarity: The text states "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets of coughs and sneezes."
Take out the word 'and' between one and another. The word 'though' should be 'through' and 'from' should be 'of'

      • This means that standing six feet apart can still spread the virus.


This sentence should be deleted because it is already stated in the second sentence.

      • To add on, one positive reason is that social distancing can reduce the chances of getting the virus.


No need to edit this sentence. Great grammar!

      • According to the text it states “ social distancing limits the chances of that.” This shows that social distancing can help pervert the virus.


Edited for grammar and fluidity: According to the text, it states that social distancing limits the chances of that. This shows that social distancing can help prevent the virus.
No need for quotations because you stated it came from the text. Change 'pervert' to 'prevent'

      • In conclusion, this is the negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing.


Edited for clarity: In conclusion, these are negative and positive reasons to practice social distancing.
Changed some words around to sound more clear.

Final Edit: There are negative and positive reasons to practice social distancing. To begin with, one negative reason is that standing six feet apart can still spread the virus. The text states "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets of coughs and sneezes." To add on, one positive reason is that social distancing can reduce the chances of getting the virus. According to the text, it states that social distancing limits the chances of that. This shows that social distancing can help prevent the virus. In conclusion, these are negative and positive reasons to practice social distancing.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware 








        JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children while being in lockdown.To begin with, this will be leading to a surge of internet use and increase interest of online tools.The text states” Leading to a surge in internet use and increase interest of online tools.” This means that JK Rowling can increase more numbers of internet use and online tools.To add on, JK Rowling can help keep children amused and interested while being in lockdown.According to the text it states” parents, teachers, and cares, working to keep children amused and interested while we’re on lockdown might need a little magic.”This shows that JK Rowling can keep children busy while being in lockdown.In conclusion, this is how JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children while being in lockdown.

Edits:

      • JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children while being in lockdown.


Edited for punctuation and word choice: J.K. Rowling built a webpage that helps students keep busy during this lockdown.


J.K. needs to be separated with one period after the J and one after the K. Use the word 'believe' instead of thinks. Don’t use the word ‘think.’ Begin with,

      • To begin with, this will be leading to a surge of internet use and increase interest of online tools.


Edited for fluidity: To begin with, this will lead to a surge of internet use and increase interest of online tools.


Great second sentence. Add a space after the period of the first sentence. Instead of 'will be leading to' change it to 'will lead to.' Take out the word ‘with’ after begin.

      • The text states” Leading to a surge in internet use and increase interest of online tools.” This means that JK Rowling can increase more numbers of internet use and online tools.


Edited for fluidity and clarity: “Leading to a surge in internet use and increase interest of online tools.” This statement discusses that J.K. Rowling can increase more numbers of internet use and online tools.



Great quote from the article! Use the quotations facing the first word, ‘Leading.’

      • This means that JK Rowling can increase more numbers of internet use and online tools.

Edited for fluidity: No need to keep this sentence in because it is already stated for the sentence before.

      • To add on, JK Rowling can help keep children amused and interested while being in lockdown.


Great transition statement. No need to edit this sentence.

      • According to the text it states” parents, teachers, and cares, working to keep children amused and interested while we’re on lockdown might need a little magic.”


This is a great quote but I think it doesn’t need to be in this paragraph since you already have a great one at the beginning of this paragraph.

      • This shows that JK Rowling can keep children busy while being in lockdown.In conclusion, this is how JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children while being in lockdown.


Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, I believe J.K. Rowling’s new webpage is a great way for students to keep busy during this lockdown.


Take out the first sentence and begin with the conclusion sentence. Instead of saying, ‘this is how J.K. Rowling thinks, say ‘this is how I think.’ It gives the audience your opinion which means more.


Final edit: J.K. Rowling built a webpage that helps students keep busy during this lockdown. To begin, this will lead to a surge of internet use and increase the interest in online tools. “Leading to a surge in internet use and increase interest of online tools.” This statement discusses that J.K. Rowling can increase more numbers of internet use and online tools. To add on, JK Rowling can help keep children amused and interested while being in lockdown. In conclusion, I believe J.K. Rowling’s new webpage is a great way for students to keep busy during this lockdown.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware









Original: Postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing two negative situations.To begin with, all 11,000 athletes have been training all these years and now all the training is becoming useless.The text states “For federations and leagues that must now adapt their schedules, and for the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training this summer.This means that all their training was useless.To add on, people have been getting headaches and heartaches because of this situation.According to the text it states “It also figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community.”This shows that people are getting sick because of this situation.In conclusion, these are the two ways that cause negative situations by postponing the 2020 Olympics.

Edits:

      • Postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing two negative situations.


Edited for clarity: Postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing a few negative situations in the world.
Good first sentence! Put 'in the world' after situations so we know the location.

      • To begin with, all 11,000 athletes have been training all these years and now all the training is becoming useless.


Edited for clarity: To begin, 11,000 athletes have been training the past few years and now all of their training is becoming useless.
Instead of 'all the training' put 'all of their training' to know whose it is. Also, make sure you are putting a space after the period when starting a new sentence!

      • The text states “For federations and leagues that must now adapt their schedules, and for the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training this summer.


Edited for clarity: The text states "For reservations and leagues that must adapt their schedules, and for the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training this summer."
Make sure to end the citation with quotations if you start the sentence with quotations.

      • This means that all their training was useless.


Edited for deletion: This can be deleted because it is already stated in the above sentence

      • To add on, people have been getting headaches and heartaches because of this situation.


Edited for clarity: To add on, people have been stressed out which results in getting headaches and heartaches because of this situation.
Explain why they are getting headaches - because they are stressed.

      • According to the text it states “It also figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community.”This shows that people are getting sick because of this situation.


Edited for clarity: According to the text, it states "It also figured to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community."
The second sentence can be deleted but great quote from the article!

      • In conclusion, these are the two ways that cause negative situations by postponing the 2020 Olympics.


Edited for clarity: In conclusion, postponing the 2020 Olympics has caused negative outcomes in the world.
Changed the wording around to make it flow a bit better

Final Edit:

Postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing a few negative situations in the world. To begin, 11,000 athletes have been training the past few years and now all of their training is becoming useless. The text states "For reservations and leagues that must adapt their schedules, and for the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training this summer." To add on, people have been stressed out which results in getting headaches and heartaches because of this situation. According to the text, it states "It also figured to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community." In conclusion, postponing the 2020 Olympics has caused negative outcomes in the world.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware












Original: There are two activities that are the most fun to do.To begin with, indoor basketball is a great way to have fun and while getting exercise.The text states”An over-the-door basketball hoop and miniature ball is a great way for kids to get some exercise while stuck indoors.”This means that this is a great way to have fun while exercising.To add on,I think marble runs is best for kids.According to the text it states “constructing a marble run is a great way for kids to build their motor skills.”This shows that marble run is best for kids.In conclusion, these are two activities to do indoors.

Edits:


There are two activities that are the most fun to do.To begin with, indoor basketball is a great way to have fun and while getting exercise.

      • Edited for clarity: Indoor basketball and marble runs are two activities that are a great way to have fun and get exercise.


Good! State the two activites at the beginning of the sentence so we know what you're talking about!


The text states”An over-the-door basketball hoop and miniature ball is a great way for kids to get some exercise while stuck indoors.” This means that this is a great way to have fun while exercising.

      • Edited for grammar and clarity: The text states, "An over-the-door basketball hoop and miniature ball is a great way for kids to get some exercise while stuck indoors." This means that this is a great way to have fun while exercising.


Make sure to put a space after every word.


To add on,I think marble runs is best for kids.According to the text it states “constructing a marble run is a great way for kids to build their motor skills.”

      • Edited for clarity: To add on, marble runs are best for kids because according to the text, "Constructing a marble run is a great way for kids to build their motor skills."


Take out 'I think' because we already know that.


This shows that marble run is best for kids.In conclusion, these are two activities to do indoors.

      • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, marble runs and indoor basketball are great ways to exercise while having fun.

Final Edit: 

Indoor basketball and marble runs are two activities that are a great way to have fun and get exercise. The text states, "An over-the-door basketball hoop and miniature ball is a great way for kids to get some exercise while stuck indoors." This means that this is a great way to have fun while exercising. To add on, marble runs are best for kids because according to the text, "Constructing a marble run is a great way for kids to build their motor skills." In conclusion, marble runs and indoor basketball are great ways to exercise while having fun.


Edited by Kelsey Eggsware








Original: There are many ways for students to learn best while studying online.To begin with, you will collect more information, finish more tasks, and will have greater productivity.In the text it states “you’ll absorb more information and complete assignments with greater productivity.”This means that kids will collect more and more information and be very productive.To add on, it makes kids off the bed or sofa.According to the text it states “it separates from you from your bed or sofa.”This shows that online class can distract you from being lazy.In conclusion, these are some ways for students to learn best while studying online. 





     There are many ways to prevent from the infection.One way is by washing your hands for 20 seconds about the length of the ABC song.Based on the text it states “Students and Staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds-about the length of the”alphabet  song”.This means that if you wash your hands for 20 seconds it will take all your germs away from your hands.Another way is by to cover your mouth while coughing or sneezing.According to the text it states”Coughing or sneezing into a tissue or the crook of an elbow can help reduce the spread of airborne virus drops lets.This shows that when you cover your mouth less germs spread through the air.The last way is by touching your face less often than usual.In the text it states”As much as possible,adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces “.To clarify,this shows that if you touch your face less often it will stop letting germs in your body.In conclusion,these are some ways to pervert the infection.

Comments: There are many ways to prevent from the infection.

      • edited for fluidity- There are many ways to prevent becoming infected by the COVID_19 virus.

One way is by washing your hands for 20 seconds about the length of the ABC song.Based on the text it states “Students and Staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds-about the length of the”alphabet song”.

      • edited for fluidity- Washing your hands for 20 seconds is one way to avoid infection. According to the text, "Students and Staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds-about the length of the ”alphabet song”.

This means that if you wash your hands for 20 seconds it will take all your germs away from your hands.

      • edited for fluidity and clarity- This means that taking more time to wash your hands will ensure that you are washing away all germs.

Another way is by to cover your mouth while coughing or sneezing.According to the text it states”Coughing or sneezing into a tissue or the crook of an elbow can help reduce the spread of airborne virus drops lets.

      • edited for fluidity- Another way to prevent spread of infection is to cover your mouth while coughing or sneezing. The text states ”Coughing or sneezing into a tissue or the crook of an elbow can help reduce the spread of airborne virus droplets."

This shows that when you cover your mouth less germs spread through the air.

The last way is by touching your face less often than usual.

      • edited for fluidity- The final solution offered is to avoid touching your face.

In the text it states”As much as possible,adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces “.To clarify,this shows that if you touch your face less often it will stop letting germs in your body.

      • edited for fluidity- In the text it states, ”As much as possible, adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces “. Basically, if you avoid touch your face, you can help to prevent germs from entering your body."

In conclusion, these are some ways to pervert the infection.

      • edited for spelling and fluidity- In conclusion, these are a few of the ways that you can avoid getting infected by the COVID_19 virus.

Final copy:

There are many ways to prevent becoming infected by the COVID_19 virus. Washing your hands for 20 seconds is one way to avoid infection. According to the text, "Students and Staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds-about the length of the ”alphabet song”. This means that taking more time to wash your hands will ensure that you are washing away all germs. Another way to prevent spread of infection is to cover your mouth while coughing or sneezing. The text states ”Coughing or sneezing into a tissue or the crook of an elbow can help reduce the spread of airborne virus droplets."This shows that when you cover your mouth less germs spread through the air. The final solution offered is to avoid touching your face. In the text it states, ”As much as possible, adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces “. Basically, if you avoid touch your face, you can help to prevent germs from entering your body." In conclusion, these are a few of the ways that you can avoid getting infected by the COVID_19 virus.