The World for Freedom

Revision as of 04:55, 8 May 2020

Rali's Writing page:

Gerda’s trip was a difficult trip because she was pinched by the cold that she couldn’t speak. The text states, “But Gerda was so pinched with the cold that she could not speak.” According to the article,”Oh, you poor things,” said the Lapland woman, ”you have a long way to get. You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.” This shows that Gerda’s trip was difficult because she was so pinched by the cold that she couldn’t speak.

Gerda’s trip was a difficult trip because she was pinched by the cold that she couldn’t speak.

*** Add “so” before “pinched.”

Edited sentence: Gerda’s trip was a difficult trip because she was so pinched by the cold that she couldn’t speak.

The text states, “But Gerda was so pinched with the cold that she could not speak.”

*** Remove “But.”

Edited sentence: The text states, “Gerda was so pinched with the cold that she could not speak.”

According to the article,”Oh, you poor things,” said the Lapland woman, ”you have a long way to get. You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.”

*** Add a space after the comma that comes after “article.” Change “get” to “go yet.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Oh, you poor things,” said the Lapland woman, “you have a long way to go yet. You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.”

This shows that Gerda’s trip was difficult because she was so pinched by the cold that she couldn’t speak.

*** Good.

Edited paragraph:

Gerda’s trip was a difficult trip because she was so pinched by the cold that she couldn’t speak. The text states, “Gerda was so pinched with the cold that she could not speak.” According to the article, “Oh, you poor things,” said the Lapland woman, “you have a long way to go yet. You must travel more than a hundred miles farther, to Finland. The Snow Queen lives there now, and she burns Bengal lights every evening.” This shows that Gerda’s trip was difficult because she was so pinched by the cold that she couldn’t speak.

Edited by Penny Yagake

In the story, the soapsuds were used for killing and destroying plants. The text states, “The human beings do not like us. They pursue and destroy us with soapsuds.” According to story,”Oh, its a horrid drink! I seem to even smell it now. You cannot think how dreadful it is to be washed when one was not made to to washed. Men! you who look at us with your severe, soapsud eyes, think a moment what our place in nature is: we are born upon the roses, we die in roses— our whole life is a rose poem.” This shows that the soapsuds were used for killing and destroying plants in this story.

In the story, the soapsuds were used for killing and destroying plants.

*** Good.

The text states, “The human beings do not like us. They pursue and destroy us with soapsuds.”

*** The versions of this story that I have seen use the word “murder” instead of “destroy.” Make sure the quote is correct according to the text you are using.

Edited sentence: The text states, “The human beings do not like us. They pursue and murder us with soapsuds.”

According to story,”Oh, its a horrid drink! I seem to even smell it now. You cannot think how dreadful it is to be washed when one was not made to to washed. Men! you who look at us with your severe, soapsud eyes, think a moment what our place in nature is: we are born upon the roses, we die in roses— our whole life is a rose poem.”

*** Add a space before the first quotation mark. Add “the” before “story.” Write out “its” as “it is.” Write “seem to even smell it now” as “seem to smell it even now” as it is in the text. Write “to to washed” as “to be washed.”

Edited sentence: According to the story, “Oh, it is a horrid drink! I seem to smell it even now. You cannot think how dreadful it is to be washed when one was not made to be washed. Men! you who look at us with your severe, soapsud eyes, think a moment what our place in nature is: we are born upon the roses, we die in roses— our whole life is a rose poem.”

This shows that the soapsuds were used for killing and destroying plants in this story.

*** Good.

*** Make sure quotes are written correctly according to the text. In a quote, no words should be changed.

Edited paragraph:

In the story, the soapsuds were used for killing and destroying plants. The text states, “The human beings do not like us. They pursue and murder us with soapsuds.” According to the story, “Oh, it is a horrid drink! I seem to smell it even now. You cannot think how dreadful it is to be washed when one was not made to be washed. Men! you who look at us with your severe, soapsud eyes, think a moment what our place in nature is: we are born upon the roses, we die in roses— our whole life is a rose poem.” This shows that the soapsuds were used for killing and destroying plants in this story.

Edited by Penny Yagake

What made the man a wealthy merchant was a feather from a beautiful swan. The text states,”The feather fell upon the light curly hair of a young man, whose business it was to care for the goods in the ship— the supercargo he was called.” According to the article,”The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and bought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold— rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman’ s shield, on which,” said the Sunshine, ”I shone.” This shows that the man turned to a wealthy merchant because of a feather from a beautiful swan touched the man’s forehead.

What made the man a wealthy merchant was a feather from a beautiful swan.

*** Good.

The text states,”The feather fell upon the light curly hair of a young man, whose business it was to care for the goods in the ship— the supercargo he was called.”

*** Add a space before the first quotation mark.

Edited sentence: The text states, “The feather fell upon the light curly hair of a young man, whose business it was to care for the goods in the ship— the supercargo he was called.”

According to the article,”The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and bought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold— rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman’ s shield, on which,” said the Sunshine, ”I shone.”

*** “bought” should be spelled as “brought” in this sentence. When someone speaks within a quote from the text, add single quotation marks (‘) around what they say. Add a space before the first quotation mark.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “‘The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold— rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman’ s shield, on which,’ said the Sunshine, ‘I shone.’”

This shows that the man turned to a wealthy merchant because of a feather from a beautiful swan touched the man’s forehead.

*** Remove “of.”

Edited sentence: This shows that the man turned to a wealthy merchant because a feather from a beautiful swan touched the man’s forehead.

*** Remember to add a space before the first quotation mark. When someone speaks within a quote from the text, add single quotation marks (‘) around what they say.

Edited paragraph:

What made the man a wealthy merchant was a feather from a beautiful swan. The text states, “The feather fell upon the light curly hair of a young man, whose business it was to care for the goods in the ship— the supercargo he was called.” According to the article, “‘The feather of the bird of fortune touched his forehead, became a pen in his hand, and brought him such luck that he soon became a wealthy merchant, rich enough to have bought for himself spurs of gold— rich enough to change a golden plate into a nobleman’ s shield, on which,’ said the Sunshine, ‘I shone.’” This shows that the man turned to a wealthy merchant because a feather from a beautiful swan touched the man’s forehead.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The burdock was the kindest tree in the story. The text states,”The largest leaf in this country is certainly the burdock. Put one in front of your waist, and it is just like an apron; or lay it upon your head, and it is almost good as an umbrella, it is so broad.” According to the article,”And all this magnificence is food for snails- the great white snails, which grand people say in the olden times use to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say,” H’m how nice!” for they really fancied them delicious.” This shows that the kindest tree in the country is the burdock.

The burdock was the kindest tree in the story.

*** Good.

The text states,”The largest leaf in this country is certainly the burdock. Put one in front of your waist, and it is just like an apron; or lay it upon your head, and it is almost good as an umbrella, it is so broad.”

*** Add a space after the comma after “states.” Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text — add “green” after “largest.” Add “as” before “good.”

Edited sentence: The text states, “The largest green leaf in this country is certainly the burdock. Put one in front of your waist, and it is just like an apron; or lay it upon your head, and it is almost as good as an umbrella, it is so broad.”

According to the article,”And all this magnificence is food for snails- the great white snails, which grand people say in the olden times use to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say,” H’m how nice!” for they really fancied them delicious.”

*** Add a space after the comma after “article.” When a character speaks inside of a quote, add single quotation marks (‘) around what they say. Add a space after the comma after “say.” Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text — remove “say” after “people.” Remove “the” before “olden.” Add a “d” at the end of “use.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “And all this magnificence is food for snails—the great white snails, which grand people in olden times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, ‘H’m how nice!’ for they really fancied them delicious.”

This shows that the kindest tree in the country is the burdock.

*** Good.

*** Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text, including all words. In phrases like “According to the article,” add a space after the comma.

Edited paragraph:

The burdock was the kindest tree in the story. The text states, “The largest green leaf in this country is certainly the burdock. Put one in front of your waist, and it is just like an apron; or lay it upon your head, and it is almost as good as an umbrella, it is so broad.” According to the article, “And all this magnificence is food for snails—the great white snails, which grand people in olden times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, ‘H’m how nice!’ for they really fancied them delicious.” This shows that the kindest tree in the country is the burdock.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The buckwheat and the willow-tree are different because the buckwheat appears blackened and singed as if fire had passed over it when there is a violent thunder storm while the willow tree is a large venerable still tree. The text states,”Very often, after a violent storm, the field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it.” According to the article,”It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age.” This shows that the willow tree and the buckwheat are different because the buckwheat appears blackened like a fire has passed over it when there is a violent storm while the willow tree is a large venerable tree that is a little crippled by age.

The buckwheat and the willow-tree are different because the buckwheat appears blackened and singed as if fire had passed over it when there is a violent thunder storm while the willow tree is a large venerable still tree.

*** “thunder storm” should be written as one word. This sentence is a bit long, so I have shortened “as if fire had passed over it” to “as if burnt by fire.”

Edited sentence: The buckwheat and the willow tree are different because the buckwheat appears blackened and singed as if burnt by fire when there is a violent thunderstorm while the willow tree is a large venerable still tree.

The text states,”Very often, after a violent storm, the field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. Make sure quotes are written exactly as in the text — “storm” should be written as “thunder-storm.” “the field” should be changed to “a field.”

Edited sentence: The text states, “Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it.”

According to the article,”It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age.”

*** Add a space after the first comma.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age.”

This shows that the willow tree and the buckwheat are different because the buckwheat appears blackened like a fire has passed over it when there is a violent storm while the willow tree is a large venerable tree that is a little crippled by age.

*** This sentence is a bit long, so I have shortened “as if fire had passed over it” to “as if burnt by fire.”

Edited sentence: This shows that the willow tree and the buckwheat are different because the buckwheat appears blackened as if burnt by fire when there is a violent storm while the willow tree is a large venerable tree that is a little crippled by age.

*** Add a space after a comma. Make sure quotes are written exactly as in the text.

Edited paragraph:

The buckwheat and the willow tree are different because the buckwheat appears blackened and singed as if burnt by fire when there is a violent thunderstorm while the willow tree is a large venerable still tree. The text states, “Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it.” According to the article, “It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age.” This shows that the willow tree and the buckwheat are different because the buckwheat appears blackened as if burnt by fire when there is a violent storm while the willow tree is a large venerable tree that is a little crippled by age.

Edited by Penny Yagake

To hear about the world of human beings up above was what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all things. The text states,” Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above; she made her old grandmother to tell her all that she knew about ships and towns, people and animals.” In addition,”But above all of it seemed strangely beautiful to her that up on earth the flowers were scented, for they would not so at the bottom of the sea; also the woods were green, and that the fish were to be seen among the branches could sing so loudly and sweetly that it was a delight to listen to them.” This shows that to hear about the world of human beings up above was what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all things.

To hear about the world of human beings up above was what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all things.

*** Try not to use the word “thing” since it’s not clear what the “thing” is. Try to name or describe it instead. Or in this case, “things” is not needed.

Edited sentence: To hear about the world of human beings up above was what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all.

The text states,” Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above; she made her old grandmother to tell her all that she knew about ships and towns, people and animals.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. But remove the space before “Nothing.” Make sure quotes are written correctly according to the text — “to” is not needed after “grandmother.”

Edited sentence: The text states, “Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above; she made her old grandmother tell her all that she knew about ships and towns, people and animals.”

In addition,”But above all of it seemed strangely beautiful to her that up on earth the flowers were scented, for they would not so at the bottom of the sea; also the woods were green, and that the fish were to be seen among the branches could sing so loudly and sweetly that it was a delight to listen to them.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. Make sure quotes are written correctly according to the text — “above all of it” should be written as “above all it.” Add “the” before “earth.” Change “would not so” to “were not so.” Add “that” before “the woods.” Add “which” after “fish.”

Edited sentence: In addition, “But above all of it seemed strangely beautiful to her that up on the earth the flowers were scented, for they were not so at the bottom of the sea; also that the woods were green, and that the fish which were to be seen among the branches could sing so loudly and sweetly that it was a delight to listen to them.”

This shows that to hear about the world of human beings up above was what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all things.

*** Try not to use the word “thing.” Try to name or describe it instead. Or in this case, “things” is not needed.

Edited sentence: This shows that to hear about the world of human beings up above was what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all.

*** Make sure quotes are written correctly including all words as they are in the text. Remember to add a space after a comma. But do not add a space after the first quotation mark. Try not to use the word “thing.” Try to name or describe it instead. In some cases, “thing” can be removed from a sentence.

Edited paragraph:

To hear about the world of human beings up above was what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all. The text states, “Nothing gave her greater pleasure than to hear about the world of human beings up above; she made her old grandmother tell her all that she knew about ships and towns, people and animals.” In addition, “But above all of it seemed strangely beautiful to her that up on the earth the flowers were scented, for they were not so at the bottom of the sea; also that the woods were green, and that the fish which were to be seen among the branches could sing so loudly and sweetly that it was a delight to listen to them.” This shows that to hear about the world of human beings up above was what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The Boston Dynamics’ robots are assisting during the COVID-19 by helping minimize staff’s exposure to COVID-19. The text states,” starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots can help minimize staff’s exposure to COVID-19,” the company writes in a blog post.” According to the article,” One of the hospitals we spoke to shared that, within a week, a sixth of their staff had contracted COVID-19 and that they were looking into using robots to take more of their staff out of the range of the novel virus.” This shows that robots can help assist during the coronavirus outbreak by helping minimize staff’s exposure to COVID-19.

The Boston Dynamics’ robots are assisting during the COVID-19 by helping minimize staff’s exposure to COVID-19.

*** Remove “The” at the beginning of this sentence. Add “hospital” before “staff’s.” Add “situation” after “during the COVID-19”

Edited sentence: Boston Dynamics’ robots are assisting during the COVID-19 situation by helping minimize hospital staff’s exposure to COVID-19.

The text states,” starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots can help minimize staff’s exposure to COVID-19,” the company writes in a blog post.”

*** Add a space after the first comma, but remove the space before “starting.” Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text — “if our robots can” should be written as “if our robots could.” The word “their” should be added before “staff’s.” When there is another quote inside a quote, place single quotation marks (‘) around the inside quote.

Edited sentence: The text states, “‘Starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19,’ the company writes in a blog post.”

According to the article,” One of the hospitals we spoke to shared that, within a week, a sixth of their staff had contracted COVID-19 and that they were looking into using robots to take more of their staff out of the range of the novel virus.”

*** Add a space after the first comma, but remove the space before “One of.” Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text — “that” should be added before “we spoke.” The word “the” should be removed before “range.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “One of the hospitals that we spoke to shared that, within a week, a sixth of their staff had contracted COVID-19 and that they were looking into using robots to take more of their staff out of range of the novel virus.”

This shows that robots can help assist during the coronavirus outbreak by helping minimize staff’s exposure to COVID-19.

*** “help” and “assist” have similar meaning, so only one of them needs to be used. Since “helping” is already used later in the sentence, use “assist.” Add “hospital” before “staff’s.”

Edited sentence: This shows that robots can assist during the coronavirus outbreak by helping minimize hospital staff’s exposure to COVID-19.

*** Make sure quotes are written correctly including all words and punctuation as they are in the text. Remember to add a space after a comma. But do not add a space after the first quotation mark. Note where words have been adjusted.

Edited paragraph:

Boston Dynamics’ robots are assisting during the COVID-19 situation by helping minimize hospital staff’s exposure to COVID-19. The text states, “‘Starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19,’ the company writes in a blog post.” According to the article, “One of the hospitals that we spoke to shared that, within a week, a sixth of their staff had contracted COVID-19 and that they were looking into using robots to take more of their staff out of range of the novel virus.” This shows that robots can assist during the coronavirus outbreak by helping minimize hospital staff’s exposure to COVID-19.

Edited by Penny Yagake

When you are sleeping, your brain washes away harmful waste proteins and repair cells. The text states,” The latest research follows up on a 2013 study which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of rats and baboons during sleep. The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day.” According to the article,” Over the years, researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades.” This shows that sleep can be helpful by washing harmful waste proteins and repair cells.

When you are sleeping, your brain washes away harmful waste proteins and repair cells.

*** Add a “s” after “repair.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.

Edited sentence: When a person is sleeping, their brain washes away harmful waste proteins and repairs cells.

The text states,” The latest research follows up on a 2013 study which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of rats and baboons during sleep. The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “The latest.” Make sure quotes are written correctly — this quote is missing a comma after “study.”

Edited sentence: The text states, “The latest research follows up on a 2013 study which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of rats and baboons during sleep. The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day.”

According to the article,” Over the years, researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “Over.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Over the years, researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades.”

This shows that sleep can be helpful by washing harmful waste proteins and repair cells.

*** Add “away” after “washing.” Add “ing” at the end of “repair.” An “ing” is added after “repair” because the sentence is saying that sleep can be helpful by “repairing” cells, just like sleep can be helpful by “washing” away harmful waste proteins. The verbs should match in form.

Edited sentence: This shows that sleep can be helpful by washing away harmful waste proteins and repairing cells.

*** Note where words have been adjusted. Add a space after a comma. But do not add a space after the first quotation mark. Make sure quotes are written correctly including all words and punctuation as they are in the text. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.

Edited paragraph:

When a person is sleeping, their brain washes away harmful waste proteins and repairs cells. The text states, “The latest research follows up on a 2013 study which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of rats and baboons during sleep. The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day.” According to the article, “Over the years, researchers have found sleeping allows the body to repair and restore cells, get rid of irrelevant memories, and even help kids grow taller and obtain better grades.” This shows that sleep can be helpful by washing away harmful waste proteins and repairing cells.

Edited by Penny Yagake

In order to improve the earth, you can plant new trees and plants. The text states,” Researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own.” According to the article,” Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen for people to breathe.” This shows that planting trees would help improve our planet, Earth.

In order to improve the earth, you can plant new trees and plants.

*** Capitalize “earth” since it’s the name of a planet. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Here, “you” can be replaced with “people.”

Edited sentence: In order to improve the Earth, people can plant new trees and plants.

The text states,” Researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own.”

*** Make sure quotes are written correctly — this quote is missing “in the world” after “trees.” Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “Researchers.”

Edited sentence: The text states, “Researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own.”

According to the article,” Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen for people to breathe.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “Trees.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen for people to breathe.”

This shows that planting trees would help improve our planet, Earth.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Here, “you” can be replaced with “the.”

Edited sentence: This shows that planting trees would help improve the planet, Earth.

*** Make sure quotes are written correctly including all words and punctuation as they are in the text. Remember to add a space after a comma. But do not add a space after the first quotation mark. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Replace “you” with other pronouns such as “people,” “they,” “a person” or, depending on the article, use names of people.

Edited paragraph:

In order to improve the Earth, people can plant new trees and plants. The text states, “Researchers estimate roughly 15 billion trees are cut down each year, so help offset that loss by planting a tree of your own.” According to the article, “Trees absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen for people to breathe.” This shows that planting trees would help improve the planet, Earth.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The boys are helping seniors by shopping and delivering fresh foods during the coronavirus outbreak. The text states,” Concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors. Soon, Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai showed up at his door with a bag full of groceries.” According to the article,” In this service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible.” This shows that the boys are helping seniors by shopping and delivering fresh products during the coronavirus outbreak.

The boys are helping seniors by shopping and delivering fresh foods during the coronavirus outbreak.

*** Good.

The text states,” Concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors. Soon, Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai showed up at his door with a bag full of groceries.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “Concerned.” Make sure quotes are written correctly — this quote was missing the word “home” after “bringing it.”

Edited sentence: The text states, “Concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it home to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors. Soon, Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai showed up at his door with a bag full of groceries.”

According to the article,” In this service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “In.” Make sure quotes are written correctly — the text states “In the service project.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible.”

This shows that the boys are helping seniors by shopping and delivering fresh products during the coronavirus outbreak.

*** Good.

*** Make sure quotes are written correctly including all words and punctuation as they are in the text. Remember to add a space after a comma. But do not add a space after the first quotation mark.

Edited paragraph:

The boys are helping seniors by shopping and delivering fresh foods during the coronavirus outbreak. The text states, “Concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors. Soon, Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai showed up at his door with a bag full of groceries.” According to the article, “In this service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible.” This shows that the boys are helping seniors by shopping and delivering fresh products during the coronavirus outbreak.

Edited by Penny Yagake

One way people can celebrate Earth Day is by singing an Earth Day song and posting it on Twitter. The text states,” In California’s Davis, Yolo, Solano, and Sacramento counties, residents will celebrate the movement with “The Earth Day Sing Out”. According to the text,” Community members are encouraged to record themselves sing one of the 30 songs suggested, or an Earth Day song of their choice, and post a short video on Twitter with the hashtags #earthdaysingoutdavis, #earthdaysingout, and #earthday2020.” This shows that one way people celebrate Earth Day in 2020 is by singing an Earth Day song and posting it on Twitter.

One way people can celebrate Earth Day is by singing an Earth Day song and posting it on Twitter.

*** Good.

The text states,” In California’s Davis, Yolo, Solano, and Sacramento counties, residents will celebrate the movement with “The Earth Day Sing Out”.

*** When there is another quote inside of a quote, place single quotation marks (‘) around the inside quote. Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “In California’s Davis.” Place the period before the quotation marks at the end.

Edited sentence: The text states, “In California’s Davis, Yolo, Solano, and Sacramento counties, residents will celebrate the movement with ‘The Earth Day Sing Out.’”

According to the text,” Community members are encouraged to record themselves sing one of the 30 songs suggested, or an Earth Day song of their choice, and post a short video on Twitter with the hashtags #earthdaysingoutdavis, #earthdaysingout, and #earthday2020.”

*** When quoting, make sure the information from the article is correct. For, example, this quote should say “record themselves singing” and “30 suggested songs.” Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “Community members.”

Edited sentence: According to the text, “Community members are encouraged to record themselves singing one of the 30 suggested songs, or an Earth Day song of their choice, and post a short video on Twitter with the hashtags #earthdaysingoutdavis, #earthdaysingout, and #earthday2020.”

This shows that one way people celebrate Earth Day in 2020 is by singing an Earth Day song and posting it on Twitter.

*** Good.

*** When quoting, make sure the information from the article is correct, including all words and punctuation. Make sure there is a space after a comma. But do not put a space after the first quotation mark at the beginning of a quote.

Edited paragraph:

One way people can celebrate Earth Day is by singing an Earth Day song and posting it on Twitter. The text states, “In California’s Davis, Yolo, Solano, and Sacramento counties, residents will celebrate the movement with ‘The Earth Day Sing Out.’” According to the text, “Community members are encouraged to record themselves singing one of the 30 suggested songs, or an Earth Day song of their choice, and post a short video on Twitter with the hashtags #earthdaysingoutdavis, #earthdaysingout, and #earthday2020.” This shows that one way people celebrate Earth Day in 2020 is by singing an Earth Day song and posting it on Twitter.

Edited by Penny Yagake

One accomplishment William achieved was ending childhood hunger. The text states,” Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. He’s expanded his mission too.” According to the article,” There he talked shoppers into buying food- 1,400 pounds worth- to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break.” This shows that one of William’s accomplishments were ending childhood hunger.

One accomplishment William achieved was ending childhood hunger.

*** Change “ending” to “helping to end.”

Edited sentence: One accomplishment William achieved was helping to end childhood hunger.

The text states,” Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. He’s expanded his mission too.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “Seven.”

Edited sentence: The text states, “Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. He’s expanded his mission too.”

According to the article,” There he talked shoppers into buying food- 1,400 pounds worth- to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “There.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “There he talked shoppers into buying food—1,400 pounds worth—to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break.”

This shows that one of William’s accomplishments were ending childhood hunger.

*** Since the subject “one of William’s accomplishments” is singular, it should be paired with a singular verb. Therefore, change “were” to “was.” Change “ending” to “helping to end.”

Edited sentence: This shows that one of William’s accomplishments was helping to end childhood hunger.

*** Remember to add a space after a comma. But do not add a space after the first quotation mark at the beginning of a quote.

Edited paragraph:

One accomplishment William achieved was helping to end childhood hunger. The text states, “Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. He’s expanded his mission too.” According to the article, “There he talked shoppers into buying food—1,400 pounds worth—to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break.” This shows that one of William’s accomplishments was helping to end childhood hunger.

Edited by Penny Yagake

This graduation ceremony was different from other graduation ceremonies because this ceremony is an online ceremony with robots dressed in graduation caps and gowns. The text states,” The event which was held at Tokyo’s Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, with university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom. Then began the virtual graduation ceremony.” According to the article,” Each time a student’s name was called out by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated “Newme” avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president.” This shows that the graduation ceremony was different from the rest because this one has robots dressed up and it’s an online ceremony.

This graduation ceremony was different from other graduation ceremonies because this ceremony is an online ceremony with robots dressed in graduation caps and gowns.

*** Since this graduation ceremony occurred in the past, replace “is” with “was.”

Edited sentence: This graduation ceremony was different from other graduation ceremonies because this ceremony was an online ceremony with robots dressed in graduation caps and gowns.

The text states,” The event which was held at Tokyo’s Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, with university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom. Then began the virtual graduation ceremony.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “The event.” When using quotes, make sure the information from the article is written correctly. Here, according to the article, a comma is missing after “The event” and “started” is missing before “with university president.” Also, “speech” is missing after “commencement.”

Edited sentence: The text states, “The event, which was held at Tokyo’s Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, started with university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom. Then began the virtual graduation ceremony.”

According to the article,” Each time a student’s name was called out by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated “Newme” avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. Remove the space before “Each time.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Each time a student’s name was called out by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated “Newme” avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president.”

This shows that the graduation ceremony was different from the rest because this one has robots dressed up and it’s an online ceremony.

*** Since this graduation ceremony occurred in the past, use past tense. Change “has” to “had” and “it’s” to “it was.”

Edited sentence: This shows that the graduation ceremony was different from the rest because this one had robots dressed up and it was an online ceremony.

*** When using quotes, make sure the information from the article is written correctly, including all words and punctuation. Make sure the tense of each sentence is consistent according to when events in the article occur. For example, since the graduation ceremony occurred in the past, the verbs referring to it should be in past tense.

Edited paragraph:

This graduation ceremony was different from other graduation ceremonies because this ceremony was an online ceremony with robots dressed in graduation caps and gowns. The text states, “The event, which was held at Tokyo’s Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, started with university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting commencement speech to the students attending via video-conferencing platform Zoom. Then began the virtual graduation ceremony.” According to the article, “Each time a student’s name was called out by a moderator, one of the two remotely operated “Newme” avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president.” This shows that the graduation ceremony was different from the rest because this one had robots dressed up and it was an online ceremony.

Edited by Penny Yagake

Not all people who enter the program become astronauts because there are many difficult parts to astronaut training and the candidates must complete each challenge. The text states,” Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut.” According to the article,” There are many challenging parts to astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all.” This shows that since there are many difficult parts to astronaut training and that you must complete them, not everyone in the program is certain in becoming an astronaut.

Not all people who enter the program become astronauts because there are many difficult parts to astronaut training and the candidates must complete each challenge.

*** For consistency, change “parts to” to “challenges in.”

Edited sentence: Not all people who enter the program become astronauts because there are many difficult challenges in astronaut training and the candidates must complete each challenge.

The text states,” Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. But remove the space before “Not.”

Edited sentence: The text states, “Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut.”

According to the article,” There are many challenging parts to astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. But remove the space before “There.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “There are many challenging parts to astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all.”

This shows that since there are many difficult parts to astronaut training and that you must complete them, not everyone in the program is certain in becoming an astronaut.

*** Remove “that” before “you.” Change “becoming” to “become.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Here, change “you” to “candidates.”

Edited sentence: This shows that since there are many difficult parts to astronaut training and candidates must complete them, not everyone in the program is certain to become an astronaut.

*** Remember to add a space after a comma. But do not add a space after the first quotation mark at the beginning of a sentence. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.

Edited paragraph:

Not all people who enter the program become astronauts because there are many difficult challenges in astronaut training and the candidates must complete each challenge. The text states, “Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut.” According to the article, “There are many challenging parts to astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all.” This shows that since there are many difficult parts to astronaut training and candidates must complete them, not everyone in the program is certain to become an astronaut.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The difference of opinion of the mayor and governor is deciding when school should be opened. The text states,” New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday, a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person instruction has been cancelled to curb the coronavirus pandemic.” According to the article,” Hours later, Gov.Andrew Coumo said the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, scheduled the end of the school year.” This shows that both the mayor and governor are disagreeing with each other on when the school will be opened.

The difference of opinion of the mayor and governor is deciding when school should be opened.

*** You can replace the second “of” with “between.” Add “the” before “governor.” Since school was open before the coronavirus situation, add “re” before “opened.”

Edited sentence: The difference of opinion between the mayor and the governor is deciding when school should be reopened.

The text states,” New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday, a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person instruction has been cancelled to curb the coronavirus pandemic.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. But remove the space before “New York.”

Edited sentence: The text states, “New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday, a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person instruction has been canceled to curb the coronavirus pandemic.”

According to the article,” Hours later, Gov.Andrew Coumo said the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, scheduled the end of the school year.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. But remove the space before “Hours later.” Make sure quotes are written exactly according to the source — there should be a space after “Gov.” and “scheduled the” should be written as “the scheduled.” Also make sure names are written correctly — “Coumo” should be written as “Cuomo.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, “Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled end of the school year.”

This shows that both the mayor and governor are disagreeing with each other on when the school will be opened.

*** Since they are disagreeing, remove “both.” Add “the” before “governor.” Add “re” before “opened.” Remove “the” before “school.”

Edited sentence: This shows that the mayor and the governor are disagreeing with each other on when school will be reopened.

*** Make sure quotes are written exactly according to the source and make sure names are written correctly. Remember to add a space after a comma, but do not add a space after the first quotation mark at the beginning of a quote.

Edited paragraph:

The difference of opinion between the mayor and the governor is deciding when school should be reopened. The text states, “New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday, a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person instruction has been canceled to curb the coronavirus pandemic.” According to the article, “Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled end of the school year.” This shows that the mayor and the governor are disagreeing with each other on when school will be reopened.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The main reason birds are migrating south is that when it is fall here, it gets cold and it will be hard to get food in the cold weather so they go south, where it is warmer. The story states,” Right now, dozens of species of birds have left their winter homes in the south.” According to the story,” During the fall, for the timespan is much broader, since birds typically start leaving when the temperature drops and there’s a lack of food,” says Guida.” This shows that since the temperature gets cold, the birds migrate to the opposite hemisphere so they can find food and have warm weather.

The main reason birds are migrating south is that when it is fall here, it gets cold and it will be hard to get food in the cold weather so they go south, where it is warmer.

*** Change “will be” to “is.” Remove the last comma.

Edited sentence: The main reason birds are migrating south is that when it is fall here, it gets cold and it is hard to get food in the cold weather so they go south where it is warmer.

The story states,” Right now, dozens of species of birds have left their winter homes in the south.”

*** Add a space after the comma. But remove the space before “Right.”

Edited sentence: The story states, “Right now, dozens of species of birds have left their winter homes in the south.”

According to the story,” During the fall, for the timespan is much broader, since birds typically start leaving when the temperature drops and there’s a lack of food,” says Guida.”

*** Add a space after the comma. But remove the space before “During.” When a person speaks inside of a quote, place single quotation marks (‘) around what they say. If this quote is from this article, https://www.smithsonianmag.com/travel/best-places-america-see-spring-migration-180958494/, make sure the quote is written exactly as is stated in the article — keep the wording the same.

Edited sentence: According to the story, “‘During the fall, the timespan for migration is much broader, since birds typically start leaving once the temperature drops and there’s a lack of food,’ says Guida.”

This shows that since the temperature gets cold, the birds migrate to the opposite hemisphere so they can find food and have warm weather.

*** Good.

*** Make sure the quote is written exactly as is stated in the article — keep the wording the same. Remember to add a space after a comma. No space is needed after the first quotation mark. When a person speaks inside of a quote, place single quotation marks (‘) around what they say.

Edited paragraph:

The main reason birds are migrating south is that when it is fall here, it gets cold and it is hard to get food in the cold weather so they go south where it is warmer. The story states, “Right now, dozens of species of birds have left their winter homes in the south.” According to the story, “‘During the fall, the timespan for migration is much broader, since birds typically start leaving once the temperature drops and there’s a lack of food,’ says Guida.” This shows that since the temperature gets cold, the birds migrate to the opposite hemisphere so they can find food and have warm weather.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The main idea of the passage Animals Play around While People Stay Inside is that there are videos of animals playing around while we are stuck at home so we can be entertained by watching those videos. The story states,” An unexpected positive point during these hard times for humans is that many of the Earth’s other life forms are finally getting a chance to leave their normal habitats and roam freely.” According to the story,” Though the animals indeed appear to be having a good time, the heartwarming videos and images shared on social media, are also bringing much needed cheer to millions of humans worldwide.” This shows that while we are at home, animals play around and the videos can bring cheer to us by watching them play.

The main idea of the passage Animals Play around While People Stay Inside is that there are videos of animals playing around while we are stuck at home so we can be entertained by watching those videos.

*** Use quotation marks around the title of the passage. Avoid first person point of view (“we”) and use third person point of view only. Here, “we” can be replaced by “people.”

Edited sentence: The main idea of the passage “Animals Play Around While People Stay Inside” is that there are videos of animals playing around while people are stuck at home so people can be entertained by watching those videos.

The story states,” An unexpected positive point during these hard times for humans is that many of the Earth’s other life forms are finally getting a chance to leave their normal habitats and roam freely.”

*** Add a space after the comma, but remove the space before “An.”

Edited sentence: The story states, “An unexpected positive point during these hard times for humans is that many of the Earth’s other life forms are finally getting a chance to leave their normal habitats and roam freely.”

According to the story,” Though the animals indeed appear to be having a good time, the heartwarming videos and images shared on social media, are also bringing much needed cheer to millions of humans worldwide.”

*** Add a space after the comma, but remove the space before “Though.”

Edited sentence: According to the story, “Though the animals indeed appear to be having a good time, the heartwarming videos and images shared on social media, are also bringing much needed cheer to millions of humans worldwide.”

This shows that while we are at home, animals play around and the videos can bring cheer to us by watching them play.

*** Add “of them” after “videos.” Avoid first person point of view (“we” and “us”) and use third person point of view only. Here, “we” and “us” can be replaced by “people.”

Edited sentence: This shows that while people are at home, animals play around and the videos of them can bring cheer to people by watching them play.

*** Remember to add a space after a comma (,). However, do not add a space after the first quotation mark (“). Avoid first person point of view (“we” and “us”) and use third person point of view only.

Edited paragraph:

The main idea of the passage “Animals Play around While People Stay Inside” is that there are videos of animals playing around while people are stuck at home so people can be entertained by watching those videos. The story states, “An unexpected positive point during these hard times for humans is that many of the Earth’s other life forms are finally getting a chance to leave their normal habitats and roam freely.” According to the story, “Though the animals indeed appear to be having a good time, the heartwarming videos and images shared on social media, are also bringing much needed cheer to millions of humans worldwide.” This shows that while people are at home, animals play around and the videos of them can bring cheer to people by watching them play.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The positive reason for practicing social distancing is so there are chances that you won’t catch a virus. According to the text,”Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing limits the chances of that.” In addition,”She said that social distancing is the response to the idea that many people can’t stay home all the time, even during a disease outbreak.” This shows that one positive reason for practicing social distancing is so there are chances you won’t catch a virus.

The positive reason for practicing social distancing is so there are chances that you won’t catch a virus.

*** Since the article is specifically about the coronavirus, you can use “the coronavirus” instead of “a virus.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Here, “you” can be replaced with “people.” Change “The” to “One.”

Edited sentence: One positive reason for practicing social distancing is so there are chances that people won’t catch the coronavirus.

According to the text,”Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing limits the chances of that.”

*** Add a space after the first comma.

Edited sentence: According to the text, “Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing limits the chances of that.”

In addition,”She said that social distancing is the response to the idea that many people can’t stay home all the time, even during a disease outbreak.”

*** Add a space after the first comma. If this quote is from this article, https://www.timeforkids.com/g56/social-distancing-2/, make sure to write the quote exactly as stated in the article — keep the wording the same.

Edited sentence: In addition, “She says social distancing is a response to the idea that many people can’t stay home all the time, even during a disease outbreak.”

This shows that one positive reason for practicing social distancing is so there are chances you won’t catch a virus.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Here, “you” can be replaced with “people.”

Edited sentence: This shows that one positive reason for practicing social distancing is so there are chances people won’t catch the virus.

*** Remember to add a space after commas. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Make sure to write the quote exactly as stated in the article — keep the wording the same.

Edited paragraph:

One positive reason for practicing social distancing is so there are chances that people won’t catch the coronavirus. According to the text, “Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing limits the chances of that.” In addition, “She says social distancing is a response to the idea that many people can’t stay home all the time, even during a disease outbreak.” This shows that one positive reason for practicing social distancing is so there are chances people won’t catch the virus.

Edited by Penny Yagake

JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children because it will entertain children and adults while they are on lockdown. According to the text,”Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we’re on lockdown might need a bit of magic,”Rowling said as she announced the launch.” In addition,”For over twenty years now, Hogwarts has been an escape for all- - for readers and fans, young and old,” the website organizers added in a post introducing the platform.” This shows why JK Rowling thinks that the webpage will help children because it will entertain them while they are on lockdown.

JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children because it will entertain children and adults while they are on lockdown.

*** Good.

According to the text,”Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we’re on lockdown might need a bit of magic,”Rowling said as she announced the launch.”

*** Add a space before the first quotation mark. When a person speaks inside of a quote, put single quotation marks (‘) around what they say.

Edited sentence: According to the text, “‘Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we’re on lockdown might need a bit of magic,’ Rowling said as she announced the launch.”

In addition,”For over twenty years now, Hogwarts has been an escape for all- - for readers and fans, young and old,” the website organizers added in a post introducing the platform.”

*** Add a space before the first quotation mark. When a person speaks inside of a quote, put single quotation marks (‘) around what they say.

Edited sentence: In addition, “‘For over twenty years now, Hogwarts has been an escape for all -- for readers and fans, young and old,’ the website organizers added in a post introducing the platform.”

This shows why JK Rowling thinks that the webpage will help children because it will entertain them while they are on lockdown.

*** Good.

*** Remember to add a space before the first quotation mark. When a person speaks inside of a quote, put single quotation marks (‘) around what they say.

Edited paragraph:

JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children because it will entertain children and adults while they are on lockdown. According to the text, “‘Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we’re on lockdown might need a bit of magic,’ Rowling said as she announced the launch.” In addition, “‘For over twenty years now, Hogwarts has been an escape for all -- for readers and fans, young and old,’ the website organizers added in a post introducing the platform.” This shows why JK Rowling thinks that the webpage will help children because it will entertain them while they are on lockdown.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The reason 2020 Summer Olympic Games will we postponed in Japan is because of the coronavirus pandemic. According to the text,”The 2020 Summer Olympic Games, in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year. This is because of the coronavirus pandemic.” In addition,”The IOC said that keeping the Olympic flame burning until 2021 could help heal the world from the pandemic.” This shows that the reason 2020 Summer Olympic Games will be postponed because of the coronavirus.

The reason 2020 Summer Olympic Games will we postponed in Japan is because of the coronavirus pandemic.

*** Add “the” after “reason.” Change “we” to “be.”

Edited sentence: The reason the 2020 Summer Olympic Games will be postponed in Japan is because of the coronavirus pandemic.

According to the text,”The 2020 Summer Olympic Games, in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year. This is because of the coronavirus pandemic.”

*** Add a space after the first comma, before the first quotation mark.

Edited sentence: According to the text, ”The 2020 Summer Olympic Games, in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year. This is because of the coronavirus pandemic.”

In addition,”The IOC said that keeping the Olympic flame burning until 2021 could help heal the world from the pandemic.”

*** Add a space after the first comma, before the first quotation mark.

Edited sentence: In addition, ”The IOC said that keeping the Olympic flame burning until 2021 could help heal the world from the pandemic.”

This shows that the reason 2020 Summer Olympic Games will be postponed because of the coronavirus.

*** Add “the” before “2020.” Add “is” before “because.”

Edited sentence: This shows that the reason the 2020 Summer Olympic Games will be postponed is because of the coronavirus.

*** Remember to add a space before the first quotation mark.

Edited paragraph:

The reason the 2020 Summer Olympic Games will be postponed in Japan is because of the coronavirus pandemic. According to the text, ”The 2020 Summer Olympic Games, in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year. This is because of the coronavirus pandemic.” In addition, ”The IOC said that keeping the Olympic flame burning until 2021 could help heal the world from the pandemic.” This shows that the reason the 2020 Summer Olympic Games will be postponed is because of the coronavirus.

Edited by Penny Yagake

Two indoor activities that seem the most fun are Lego kits and board or card games. According to the text,”Monopoly or Monopoly Junior are fun ways to practice math skills, while also teaching kids ideas such as saving, spending and other money management concepts.” In addition,”Fine motor skills, creativity, problem-solving and cause-and-effect concepts are just some lessons kids learn with Legos.” This shows that two fun indoor activities that are fun and educational are Lego kits or board or card games.

Two indoor activities that seem the most fun are Lego kits and board or card games.

*** Good.

According to the text,”Monopoly or Monopoly Junior are fun ways to practice math skills, while also teaching kids ideas such as saving, spending and other money management concepts.”

*** Add a space after the first comma, before the first quotation mark.

Edited sentence: According to the text, “Monopoly or Monopoly Junior are fun ways to practice math skills, while also teaching kids ideas such as saving, spending and other money management concepts.”

In addition,”Fine motor skills, creativity, problem-solving and cause-and-effect concepts are just some lessons kids learn with Legos.”

*** Add a space after the first comma, before the first quotation mark.

Edited sentence: In addition, ”Fine motor skills, creativity, problem-solving and cause-and-effect concepts are just some lessons kids learn with Legos.”

This shows that two fun indoor activities that are fun and educational are Lego kits or board or card games.

*** The first “fun” can be removed since the sentence later states “fun and educational.” Change the first “or” to “and.”

Edited sentence: This shows that two indoor activities that are fun and educational are Lego kits and board or card games.

*** Remember to add a space before the first quotation mark.

Edited paragraph:

Two indoor activities that seem the most fun are Lego kits and board or card games. According to the text, “Monopoly or Monopoly Junior are fun ways to practice math skills, while also teaching kids ideas such as saving, spending and other money management concepts.” In addition, ”Fine motor skills, creativity, problem-solving and cause-and-effect concepts are just some lessons kids learn with Legos.” This shows that two indoor activities that are fun and educational are Lego kits and board or card games.

Edited by Penny Yagake

Parents can be teachers to children during the time when students stay home because of Coronavirus by homeschooling or teaching them skills.According to the text,”Since the students are at home , they can learn many other things such as sewing,preparing food,cooking,preparing clothes,fixing area of the house that need work on them,and so much more.” In addition,”Since the very first day of life, parents have been everything to their children and most importantly, they are also the most important teachers. Whatever the parents do, the children copy.” This shows that parents can be teachers by homeschooling or teaching them skills at a time where school closes because of Coronavirus.

Parents can be teachers to children during the time when students stay home because of Coronavirus by homeschooling or teaching them skills.

*** “Coronavirus” does not need to be capitalized. Add a space after the period.

Edited sentence: Parents can be teachers to children during the time when students stay home because of coronavirus by homeschooling or teaching them skills.

According to the text,”Since the students are at home , they can learn many other things such as sewing,preparing food,cooking,preparing clothes,fixing area of the house that need work on them,and so much more.”

*** Add a space after each comma. Add a “s” at the end of “area.” Remember to write quotes exactly as they are stated in the text.

Edited sentence: According to the text, “Since the students are at home, they can learn many other things such as sewing, preparing food, cooking, preparing clothes, fixing areas of the house that need work on them, and so much more.”

In addition,”Since the very first day of life, parents have been everything to their children and most importantly, they are also the most important teachers. Whatever the parents do, the children copy.”

*** Add a space after the first comma.

Edited sentence: In addition, ”Since the very first day of life, parents have been everything to their children and most importantly, they are also the most important teachers. Whatever the parents do, the children copy.”

This shows that parents can be teachers by homeschooling or teaching them skills at a time where school closes because of Coronavirus.

*** Change “where” to “when” since this word is referring to time. Change “them” to “children.”

Edited sentence: This shows that parents can be teachers by homeschooling or teaching children skills at a time when school closes because of coronavirus.

Edited paragraph:

Parents can be teachers to children during the time when students stay home because of coronavirus by homeschooling or teaching them skills. According to the text, “Since the students are at home, they can learn many other things such as sewing, preparing food, cooking, preparing clothes, fixing areas of the house that need work on them, and so much more.” In addition, ”Since the very first day of life, parents have been everything to their children and most importantly, they are also the most important teachers. Whatever the parents do, the children copy.” This shows that parents can be teachers by homeschooling or teaching children skills at a time when school closes because of coronavirus.

Edited by Penny Yagake

To avoid getting the COVID-19 virus , you can wash your hands and sneeze or cough in a tissue or your elbow. According to the text ,”You should also take the same steps you would to avoid getting or spreading a cold.” In addition,” Wash your hands frequently, and sneeze and cough into a tissue or your elbow.” This shows that you can avoid getting the COVID-19 virus by washing your hands frequently and sneezing or coughing into a tissue or your elbow.

To avoid getting the COVID-19 virus , you can wash your hands and sneeze or cough in a tissue or your elbow.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you,” “your”) and use third person point of view only. Here, I replaced “you” with “people.” Remove the space before the comma. Change “in” to “into.”

Edited sentence: To avoid getting the COVID-19 virus, people can wash their hands and sneeze or cough into a tissue or elbow.

According to the text ,”You should also take the same steps you would to avoid getting or spreading a cold.”

*** Remove the space before the comma, but add a space after the comma.

Edited sentence: According to the text, ”You should also take the same steps you would to avoid getting or spreading a cold.”

In addition,” Wash your hands frequently, and sneeze and cough into a tissue or your elbow.”

*** Add a space after the comma. Remove the space after the first quotation mark.

Edited sentence: In addition, “Wash your hands frequently, and sneeze and cough into a tissue or your elbow.”

This shows that you can avoid getting the COVID-19 virus by washing your hands frequently and sneezing or coughing into a tissue or your elbow.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you,” “your”) and use third person point of view only.

Edited sentence: This shows that people can avoid getting the COVID-19 virus by washing their hands frequently and sneezing or coughing into a tissue or elbow.

*** Remember to add a space after a comma, but not before a comma. Avoid second person point of view (“you,” “your”) and use third person point of view only. Replace “you” with other pronouns such as “people,” “a person,” “they,” or proper nouns such as the name of a person.

Edited paragraph:

To avoid getting the COVID-19 virus, people can wash their hands and sneeze or cough into a tissue or elbow. According to the text, ”You should also take the same steps you would to avoid getting or spreading a cold.” In addition, “Wash your hands frequently, and sneeze and cough into a tissue or your elbow.” This shows that people can avoid getting the COVID-19 virus by washing their hands frequently and sneezing or coughing into a tissue or elbow.

Edited by Penny Yagake