The World for Freedom

Revision as of 02:35, 6 May 2020

Tenzin's Analysis Page

NASA Plans To Send A Helicopter To Mars In 2020

NASA was planning to send the Mars 2020 rover to Mars. The Mars-copter was the size of a softball and could spin its blades 3000 times a minute. The scheduled the launch date July 2020 and this was gonna be the first item than air to land on Mars. They also added a "Birds Eye" so they can investigate. The lightweight and the rapid speed was 10 times faster than a helicopter at Earth. They will find a suitable location for the mars-copter and then the rover will release the copter.

Don’t lose hope for your cracked phone

Most of the problems with phones these days are dropping them and getting the screen cracked. But in this article, they show some options and not just give up on your phone. Option 1 is you can put packing tape on your phone so you don’t get cuts from the screen the packing tape will be almost like a screen protector. Option 2 is you can get a screen protector from the beginning making it more secure. Option 3 is you can replace the screen on your phone yourself they give a website called IFIX and they show tutorials of fixing your phone. Last but no least Option 4 is call in a professional like Best Buy Apple store and more!

Don’t lose hope for your cracked phone

*** Capitalize all the words in this title except “for.” Remove “Your” and add a “s” at the end of “Phone.”

Edited title: Don’t Lose Hope for Cracked Phones

Most of the problems with phones these days are dropping them and getting the screen cracked.

*** Good.

But in this article, they show some options and not just give up on your phone.

*** Since “article” is a singular noun, change “they show” to “it shows.” Change “and” to “so that people do.” Change “your phone” to “their phones.”

Edited sentence: But in this article, it shows some options so that people do not just give up on their phones.

Option 1 is you can put packing tape on your phone so you don’t get cuts from the screen the packing tape will be almost like a screen protector.

*** Change “Option 1” to “One option.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view instead. Replace “you can” to “to.” Add “and” after “screen.”

Edited sentence: One option is to put packing tape on the phone so a person doesn’t get cuts from the screen and the packing tape will be almost like a screen protector.

Option 2 is you can get a screen protector from the beginning making it more secure.

*** Change “Option 2” to “The second option.” Change “you can” to “to.” Change “making” to “to make.”

Edited sentence: The second option is to get a screen protector from the beginning to make it more secure.

Option 3 is you can replace the screen on your phone yourself they give a website called IFIX and they show tutorials of fixing your phone.

*** Change “Option 3” to “The third option.” Change “you can” to “a person can.” Replace “they give” to “using.” Replace “and they show” with “which shows.” Change “of fixing” to “for fixing phones.”

Edited sentence: The third option is a person can replace the screen on their phone themselves using a website called IFIX which shows tutorials for fixing phones.

Last but no least Option 4 is call in a professional like Best Buy Apple store and more!

*** Add a “t” at the end of “no.” Add a comma after “least.” Change “Option 4” to “the fourth option.” Add “to” after “call.” Change “like” to “from.” Use a comma after “Best Buy” and add another comma after “Apple store.”

Edited sentence: Last but not least, the fourth option is to call in a professional from Best Buy, the Apple store, and more!

Fully edited paragraph:

Don’t Lose Hope for Cracked Phones

Most of the problems with phones these days are dropping them and getting the screen cracked. But in this article, it shows some options so that people do not just give up on their phones. One option is to put packing tape on the phone so a person doesn’t get cuts from the screen and the packing tape will be almost like a screen protector. The second option is to get a screen protector from the beginning to make it more secure. The third option is a person can replace the screen on their phone themselves using a website called IFIX which shows tutorials for fixing phones. Last but not least, the fourth option is to call in a professional from Best Buy, the Apple store, and more!

Edited by Penny Yagake

This weekend’s comet will be the brightest of the year

This comet will be the brightest in this year. The comet was named 46P and is about 7 million miles away from the earth. It might sound far away, however it is 1 of the 10 closest comets since 1959. The comet glows as the sun melts the ice away from the comet’s surface

This weekend’s comet will be the brightest of the year

*** This title seems to be from this article: https://www.popsci.com/comet-46p-brightest/. Please rewrite the title of your article summary.

This comet will be the brightest in this year.

*** Change “in” to “of.”

Edited sentence: This comet will be the brightest of this year.

The comet was named 46P and is about 7 million miles away from the earth.

*** Capitalize “earth” since it’s the name of a planet. Spell out “7.”

Edited sentence: The comet was named 46P and is about seven million miles away from the Earth.

It might sound far away, however it is 1 of the 10 closest comets since 1959.

*** Spell out “1” and “10.” According to the article, the year should be 1950.

Edited sentence: It might sound far away, however it is one of the ten closest comets since 1950.

The comet glows as the sun melts the ice away from the comet’s surface

*** Add a period at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: The comet glows as the sun melts the ice away from the comet’s surface.

*** Remember to capitalize names, such as the name of a planet. Spell out numbers from one to ten.

Fully edited paragraph:

This comet will be the brightest of this year. The comet was named 46P and is about seven million miles away from the Earth. It might sound far away, however it is one of the ten closest comets since 1950. The comet glows as the sun melts the ice away from the comet’s surface.

Edited by Penny Yagake

Tiny Plastic, Big problem

These plastics are ending everywhere just because they go in the trash can does not means it just disappears. they end up in oceans that are killing sea animals. The more plastic there are, The more it is harming us. It starts with pollution. If we don't do something about it we will all die

Tiny Plastic, Big problem

*** This title seems to be from this article: https://www.sciencenewsforstudents.org/article/tiny-plastic-big-problem. Please rewrite the title of your article summary.

These plastics are ending everywhere just because they go in the trash can does not means it just disappears.

*** Add “up” after “ending.” Add “and” before “just.” Remove the “s” at the end of “means.” Since “plastics” is a plural subject, meaning there is more than one plastic, change “it just disappears” to “they just disappear.”

Edited sentence: These plastics are ending up everywhere and just because they go in the trash can does not mean they just disappear.

they end up in oceans that are killing sea animals.

*** Capitalize the first word in this sentence. Change “that are” to “which is.” To make the sentence clearer, change “They end” to “The plastic ends.”

Edited sentence: The plastic ends up in oceans which is killing sea animals.

The more plastic there are, The more it is harming us.

*** The subject “plastic” is singular, so change “are” to “is.” The second “the” does not need to be capitalized. Avoid first person point of view (“us”) and use third person point of view instead. Change “us” to “people.”

Edited sentence: The more plastic there is, the more it is harming people.

It starts with pollution.

*** Good.

If we don't do something about it we will all die

*** Add a period at the end of this sentence. Avoid first person point of view (“we”) and use third person point of view instead. Change “we” to “people.”

Edited sentence: If people don’t do something about it people will all die.

*** Watch out for missing periods. Make the subject and verb in each sentence match. A sentence with a singular subject and verb would be written as “The plastic is there.” A sentence with a plural subject and verb would be written as “The plastics are there.” Avoid first person point of view (“we”) and use third person point of view instead.

Fully edited paragraph:

These plastics are ending up everywhere and just because they go in the trash can does not mean they just disappear. The plastic ends up in oceans which is killing sea animals. The more plastic there is, the more it is harming people. It starts with pollution. If people don’t do something about it people will all die.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The Future of Human Work Is Imagination, Creativity, and Strategy

Some people believe that humans will not be a job in the future everything will be automated. About 39% of jobs will be automated in the next 10 years. But McKinsey believes that robots won't help and humans are way better. She says"Robots are Tactical but Humans are Strategic. She said that the reason why people are losing jobs is because they are not getting the knowledge they need.

https://hbr.org/2018/01/the-future-of-human-work-is-imagination-creativity-and-strategety

The Future of Human Work Is Imagination, Creativity, and Strategy

*** This title seems to be from the article. Please rewrite the title of this summary.

Some people believe that humans will not be a job in the future everything will be automated.

*** Change “be a job” to “have a job.” Add “and” before “everything.”

Edited sentence: Some people believe that humans will not have a job in the future and everything will be automated.

About 39% of jobs will be automated in the next 10 years.

*** Good.

But McKinsey believes that robots won't help and humans are way better.

*** Good.

She says"Robots are Tactical but Humans are Strategic.

*** “McKinsey” refers to the name of a company, not an individual person. Replace “She” with “McKinsey.” I can’t find this exact quote in the article, but it seems to be from a subheading that should be attributed to the article. Make sure quotes are written as they are in the article.

Edited sentence: According to the article, McKinsey says “Humans Are Strategic; Machines Are Tactical.”

She said that the reason why people are losing jobs is because they are not getting the knowledge they need.

*** According to the article, this information is from “James Bessen,” not McKinsey.

Edited sentence: James Bessen said that the reason why people are losing jobs is because they are not getting the knowledge they need.

https://hbr.org/2018/01/the-future-of-human-work-is-imagination-creativity-and-strategety

*** Make sure the link is correct. If a word in the link is misspelled, as “strategy” is here, the page will not appear. The correct link is below.

Edited source: https://hbr.org/2018/01/the-future-of-human-work-is-imagination-creativity-and-strategy

*** Check to make sure the information included in the article summary is correct according to the source. Also make sure that the source link works.

Fully edited paragraph:

Some people believe that humans will not have a job in the future and everything will be automated. About 39% of jobs will be automated in the next 10 years. But McKinsey believes that robots won't help and humans are way better. According to the article, McKinsey says “Humans Are Strategic; Machines Are Tactical.” James Bessen said that the reason why people are losing jobs is because they are not getting the knowledge they need.

Source: https://hbr.org/2018/01/the-future-of-human-work-is-imagination-creativity-and-strategy

Edited by Penny Yagake

This Fortnite World Cup Winner Is 16 and $3 Million Richer

Kyle who is 16 years old won 3 million dollars by playing Fortnite. On last Sunday there was a World Cup solos and Kyle has won. Normal teens got extra money by babysitting and mowing lawns. But Kyle did not win by luck in the interview he said that he practiced games before the World Cup and lasted 23 mins on each game. Normal games last about 30 mins and he won by practice

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/07/29/us/fortnite-world-cup-winner-bugha.amp.html

This Fortnite World Cup Winner Is 16 and $3 Million Richer

*** This title seems to be from the article. Please rewrite the title of this summary.

Kyle who is 16 years old won 3 million dollars by playing Fortnite.

*** Add a comma after “Kyle” and add another comma after “old.”

Edited sentence: Kyle, who is 16 years old, won 3 million dollars by playing Fortnite.

On last Sunday there was a World Cup solos and Kyle has won.

*** Write “solos” as “solo competition.” Remove “has.”

Edited sentence: On last Sunday there was a World Cup solo competition and Kyle won.

Normal teens got extra money by babysitting and mowing lawns.

*** Change “got” to “get.”

Edited sentence: Normal teens get extra money by babysitting and mowing lawns.

But Kyle did not win by luck in the interview he said that he practiced games before the World Cup and lasted 23 mins on each game.

*** Add a comma after “luck.” Add “as” after “luck.” Add “in the competition” after “each game.” Write out “minutes.”

Edited sentence: But Kyle did not win by luck, as in the interview he said that he practiced games before the World Cup and lasted 23 minutes on each game in the competition.

Normal games last about 30 mins and he won by practice

*** Write out “minutes.” Add a period at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: Normal games last about 30 minutes and he won by practice.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/07/29/us/fortnite-world-cup-winner-bugha.amp.html

*** When including a source, write “Source:” before the link.

*** Write out words like “solo competition” and “minutes” to make this information clear to the reader.

Fully edited paragraph:

Kyle, who is 16 years old, won 3 million dollars by playing Fortnite. On last Sunday there was a World Cup solo competition and Kyle won. Normal teens get extra money by babysitting and mowing lawns. But Kyle did not win by luck, as in the interview he said that he practiced games before the World Cup and lasted 23 minutes on each game in the competition. Normal games last about 30 minutes and he won by practice.

Source: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/07/29/us/fortnite-world-cup-winner-bugha.amp.html

Edited by Penny Yagake

The difference between super moons and regular moons is that super moons are 7 percent bigger and 15 percent brighter. Another difference is that super moons only occurs when the full moon concurs with lunar perigee. The text states "Supermoons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon." This shows that Super moons are bigger and brighter than regular moons. Another quote states "occur when the full moon coincides with lunar perigee — the Moon's closest point to Earth in its orbit." This indicates that super moons occur when the full moon concurs with the lunar perigee

The difference between super moons and regular moons is that super moons are 7 percent bigger and 15 percent brighter.

*** Write out numbers from one to ten. Write “super moons” as one word.

Edited sentence: The difference between supermoons and regular moons is that super moons are 7 percent bigger and 15 percent brighter.

Another difference is that super moons only occurs when the full moon concurs with lunar perigee.

*** Since “super moons” is a plural subject, the verb “occurs” does not need a “s” at the end.

Edited sentence: Another difference is that supermoons only occur when the full moon concurs with lunar perigee.

The text states "Supermoons, which are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon."

*** This sentence is incomplete. To avoid this, the sentence can begin with “The text states supermoons” followed by the quote starting with “are.”

Edited sentence: The text states supermoons “are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon."

This shows that Super moons are bigger and brighter than regular moons.

*** Write “Super moons” as one word. “Super” does not need to be capitalized.

Edited sentence: This shows that supermoons are bigger and brighter than regular moons.

Another quote states "occur when the full moon coincides with lunar perigee — the Moon's closest point to Earth in its orbit."

*** Add “supermoons” after “states.”

Edited sentence: “Another quote states supermoons “occur when the full moon coincides with lunar perigee — the Moon's closest point to Earth in its orbit."

This indicates that super moons occur when the full moon concurs with the lunar perigee

*** Write “super moons” as one word. Add a period at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: This indicates that supermoons occur when the full moon concurs with the lunar perigee.

*** Make sure information from the text is written correctly — keep “supermoons” written as one word since it is written as one word in the text. Make sure plural subjects are followed by plural verbs. For example, a sentence with a plural subject and verb would be written as “supermoons occur,” while a sentence with a singular subject and verb would be written as “a supermoon occurs.”

Fully edited paragraph:

The difference between supermoons and regular moons is that super moons are 7 percent bigger and 15 percent brighter. Another difference is that supermoons only occur when the full moon concurs with lunar perigee. The text states supermoons “are usually about seven percent bigger and 15 percent brighter than the average full moon." This shows that supermoons are bigger and brighter than regular moons. “Another quote states supermoons “occur when the full moon coincides with lunar perigee — the Moon's closest point to Earth in its orbit." This indicates that supermoons occur when the full moon concurs with the lunar perigee.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The two reasons why Tiger salamanders are reappearing is that the land helped bring back the species from almost becoming extinct. They also use their tails to ward off predators. For example, the text states "Salamanders are scaleless, but some secrete a toxic, sticky substance from glands in their tails to ward off predators." This shows how they use their tail to ward off predators. Another quote states that "Schlimm recently explored one of several seasonal wetland areas on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders." This shows how Maryland's land helped bring back the species to its track.

The two reasons why Tiger salamanders are reappearing is that the land helped bring back the species from almost becoming extinct.

*** Since this sentence describes one reason why the Tiger salamanders are reappearing, this sentence can start with “One of the two reasons.” Include “Eastern” before “tiger salamanders” since it’s part of the name. “Tiger” does not need to be capitalized. Since this sentence begins in present tense — “are reappearing” — then the word “helped” can be changed to “is helping” to keep the tense consistent.

Edited sentence: One of the two reasons why Eastern tiger salamanders are reappearing is that the land is helping bring back the species from almost becoming extinct.

They also use their tails to ward off predators.

*** Good.

For example, the text states "Salamanders are scaleless, but some secrete a toxic, sticky substance from glands in their tails to ward off predators."

*** Good.

This shows how they use their tail to ward off predators.

*** Add a “s” at the end of “tail” since “they” indicates more than one salamander is referred to in this sentence.

Edited sentence: This shows how they use their tails to ward off predators.

Another quote states that "Schlimm recently explored one of several seasonal wetland areas on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders."

*** Good.

This shows how Maryland's land helped bring back the species to its track.

*** “to its track” is not needed.

Edited sentence: This shows how Maryland’s land helped bring back the species.

*** Make sure singular subjects are paired with singular verbs. For example, a sentence with a singular subject and verb would be written as “One of the two reasons… is” while a sentence with a plural subject and verb would be written as “Two reasons… are.”

Fully edited paragraph:

One of the two reasons why Eastern tiger salamanders are reappearing is that the land is helping bring back the species from almost becoming extinct. They also use their tails to ward off predators. For example, the text states "Salamanders are scaleless, but some secrete a toxic, sticky substance from glands in their tails to ward off predators." This shows how they use their tails to ward off predators. Another quote states that "Schlimm recently explored one of several seasonal wetland areas on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders." This shows how Maryland’s land helped bring back the species.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The two different points of view in that article was closing school down and opening in September vs closing it until April. One point of view was “Next school year will have to be the greatest academic school year New York City will ever have because everyone is going to be playing catch up,” de Blasio said. “We’re going to have to find a way to make up lost ground.” This shows what Blasio thought about closing schools. The other opinion was " Cuomo has closed schools across New York until April 29, and up until that time, districts do not have to meet the legal requirement to provide 180 days of instruction. Schools that want to be closed beyond that must get special permission from the state, according to his executive order." This was Cuomo's perspective. In conclusion, these are the two sides

The two different points of view in that article was closing school down and opening in September vs closing it until April.

*** Add a period at the end of “vs” since it is a shortened form of “versus.” Since this sentence identifies two different points of view, “was” should be changed to “were.”

Edited sentence: The two different points of view in that article were closing school down and opening in September vs. closing it until April.

One point of view was “Next school year will have to be the greatest academic school year New York City will ever have because everyone is going to be playing catch up,” de Blasio said. “We’re going to have to find a way to make up lost ground.”

*** When a person speaks inside of a quote, place single quotation marks around what they say.

Edited sentence: One point of view was “‘Next school year will have to be the greatest academic school year New York City will ever have because everyone is going to be playing catch up,’ de Blasio said. ‘We’re going to have to find a way to make up lost ground.’”

This shows what Blasio thought about closing schools.

*** Add “de” before “Blasio.”

Edited sentence: This shows what de Blasio thought about closing schools.

The other opinion was " Cuomo has closed schools across New York until April 29, and up until that time, districts do not have to meet the legal requirement to provide 180 days of instruction. Schools that want to be closed beyond that must get special permission from the state, according to his executive order."

*** Remove the extra space after the first quotation mark.

Edited sentence: The other opinion was "Cuomo has closed schools across New York until April 29, and up until that time, districts do not have to meet the legal requirement to provide 180 days of instruction. Schools that want to be closed beyond that must get special permission from the state, according to his executive order."

This was Cuomo's perspective.

*** Good.

In conclusion, these are the two sides

*** Add a period at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: In conclusion, these are the two sides.

*** Make sure plural subjects are paired with plural verbs. For example, a sentence with a singular subject and verb would be written as “One point of view was” while a sentence with a plural subject and verb would be written as “Two points of view were.”

Fully edited paragraph:

The two different points of view in that article were closing school down and opening in September vs. closing it until April. One point of view was “‘Next school year will have to be the greatest academic school year New York City will ever have because everyone is going to be playing catch up,’ de Blasio said. ‘We’re going to have to find a way to make up lost ground.’” This shows what de Blasio thought about closing schools. The other opinion was "Cuomo has closed schools across New York until April 29, and up until that time, districts do not have to meet the legal requirement to provide 180 days of instruction. Schools that want to be closed beyond that must get special permission from the state, according to his executive order." This was Cuomo's perspective. In conclusion, these are the two sides.

Edited by Penny Yagake

Out of all the requirements this two of them from the text. First is you need a masters degree to be an astronaut candidate. You also need jet flying experience. The text states " NASA now requires a master’s degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math)." This shows that you need a master's degree to enter NASA. Another quote states that "you also need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." This indicates that you will need experience in flying jets.

Out of all the requirements this two of them from the text.

*** Since two requirements is a plural subject, change “this” to “these are.”

Edited sentence: Out of all the requirements, these are two of them from the text.

First is you need a masters degree to be an astronaut candidate.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view instead. To do this, change “you need” to “a person needs.” Remove “is.” Add an apostrophe before the last “s” in “masters.”

Edited sentence: First, a person needs a master’s degree to be an astronaut candidate.

You also need jet flying experience.

*** Change “You also need” to “A person also needs.”

Edited sentence: A person also needs jet flying experience.

The text states " NASA now requires a master’s degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math)."

*** Remove the space after the first quotation mark.

Edited sentence: The text states "NASA now requires a master’s degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math)."

This shows that you need a master's degree to enter NASA.

*** Change “you need” to “a person needs.”

Edited sentence: This shows that a person needs a master’s degree to enter NASA.

Another quote states that "you also need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted."

*** Good.

This indicates that you will need experience in flying jets.

*** Change “you will need” to “a person will need.”

Edited sentence: This indicates that a person will need experience in flying jets.

*** Fully edited paragraph:

Out of all the requirements, these are two of them from the text. First, a person needs a master’s degree to be an astronaut candidate. A person also needs jet flying experience. The text states "NASA now requires a master’s degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math)." This shows that a person needs a master’s degree to enter NASA. Another quote states that "you also need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." This indicates that a person will need experience in flying jets.

Edited by Penny Yagake

Some of the accomplished William achieved are he has collected a huge sum of food and also raised a lot of money for the goal. He also made the food drive successful. The text states "Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree." This shows that he collected a huge sum of food and money. Another quote states "With Alexander working as head of advertising, Food Drive Kids also provides emergency food relief to the community, has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." This indicates how the food drive became successful because of William

Some of the accomplished William achieved are he has collected a huge sum of food and also raised a lot of money for the goal.

*** Change “accomplished” to “accomplishments.” Add “has” before “achieved.” “he has” can be removed. Change “collected” to “collecting.” Change “raised” to “raising.”

Edited sentence: Some of the accomplishments William has achieved are collecting a huge sum of food and also raising a lot of money for the goal.

He also made the food drive successful.

*** Good.

The text states "Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree."

*** Add a comma after “states.”

Edited sentence: The text states, "Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree."

This shows that he collected a huge sum of food and money.

*** Good.

Another quote states "With Alexander working as head of advertising, Food Drive Kids also provides emergency food relief to the community, has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."

*** Add a comma after “states.”

Edited sentence: Another quote states, "With Alexander working as head of advertising, Food Drive Kids also provides emergency food relief to the community, has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."

This indicates how the food drive became successful because of William

*** Add a period at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: This indicates how the food drive became successful because of William.

Fully edited paragraph:

Some of the accomplishments William has achieved are collecting a huge sum of food and also raising a lot of money for the goal. He also made the food drive successful. The text states, "Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree." This shows that he collected a huge sum of food and money. Another quote states, "With Alexander working as head of advertising, Food Drive Kids also provides emergency food relief to the community, has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." This indicates how the food drive became successful because of William.

Edited by Penny Yagake

Two ways Earth day is getting celebrated is participating in the 22- day challenge created by the non-profit organization. Another way is with the Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit. The text states "The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet." This shows a way people are celebrating Earth day. Another quote states "US Space Agency NASA is celebrating the momentous day with an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit. The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home." This shows how some people are celebrating Earth Day

Two ways Earth day is getting celebrated is participating in the 22- day challenge created by the non-profit organization.

*** Capitalize “day” since it’s part of a name. This sentence describes one way to celebrate Earth Day, so “Two ways” should be changed to “One way.” Add “by” after “celebrated is.”

Edited sentence: One way Earth Day is getting celebrated is by participating in the 22- day challenge created by the non-profit organization.

Another way is with the Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit.

*** Change “with” to “by using.”

Edited sentence: Another way is by using the Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit.

The text states "The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet."

*** Add a comma after “states.”

Edited sentence: The text states, "The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet."

This shows a way people are celebrating Earth day.

*** Capitalize “day.”

Edited sentence: This shows a way people are celebrating Earth Day.

Another quote states "US Space Agency NASA is celebrating the momentous day with an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit. The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home."

*** Add a comma after “states.”

Edited sentence: Another quote states, "US Space Agency NASA is celebrating the momentous day with an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit. The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home."

This shows how some people are celebrating Earth Day

*** Add a period at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: This shows how some people are celebrating Earth Day.

Fully edited paragraph:

One way Earth Day is getting celebrated is by participating in the 22- day challenge created by the non-profit organization. Another way is by using the Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit. The text states, "The non-profit organization has also put together a 22-day challenge that families can undertake to protect the planet." This shows a way people are celebrating Earth Day. Another quote states, "US Space Agency NASA is celebrating the momentous day with an exclusive Earth Day 50th Anniversary Toolkit. The collection of fun activities, videos, special programs, and other materials will enable kids and adults to observe Earth Day at home." This shows how some people are celebrating Earth Day.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The boys are helping seniors by delivering groceries that are needed by the people. The text states "concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it home to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors. Soon, Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai showed up at his door with a bag full of groceries." This shows that they helped by delivering groceries. Another quote states "In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible." This indicates how they deliver and how they stay safe themselves in the process

The boys are helping seniors by delivering groceries that are needed by the people.

*** Remove “the” before “people.”

Edited sentence: The boys are helping seniors by delivering groceries that are needed by people.

The text states "concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it home to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors. Soon, Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai showed up at his door with a bag full of groceries."

*** Add a comma after “states.” Capitalize “concerned” as it is in the text.

Edited sentence: The text states, "Concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it home to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors. Soon, Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai showed up at his door with a bag full of groceries."

This shows that they helped by delivering groceries.

*** Good.

Another quote states "In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible."

*** Add “from the text” after “quote.” Add a comma after “serve.”

Edited sentence: Another quote from the text states, “In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible."

This indicates how they deliver and how they stay safe themselves in the process

*** Add a period at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: This indicates how they deliver and how they stay safe themselves in the process.

*** Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text.

Fully edited paragraph:

The boys are helping seniors by delivering groceries that are needed by people. The text states, "Concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it home to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors. Soon, Matthew Casertano and Dhruv Pai showed up at his door with a bag full of groceries." Another quote from the text states, “In the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve, and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering. They wear gloves while shopping, wipe down bags they are delivering, and offer curbside pickup when possible." This indicates how they deliver and how they stay safe themselves in the process.

Edited by Penny Yagake

1 way to help Earth improve is to recycle plastic. Recycling plastic can help Earth a lot. The text states "A plastic bottle sticks around for way longer—it can take over 450 years to break down! But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter." This shows that recycling is going to help the Earth. Another quote states "Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed. You can also limit waste by reducing the number of things you buy. For example, check the library for that book you have to read before visiting the store." This shows that recycling is going to help the Earth

1 way to help Earth improve is to recycle plastic.

*** Spell out “1.” Move “improve” after “help.”

Edited sentence: One way to help improve Earth is to recycle plastic.

Recycling plastic can help Earth a lot.

*** Good.

The text states "A plastic bottle sticks around for way longer—it can take over 450 years to break down! But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter."

*** Good.

This shows that recycling is going to help the Earth.

*** Good.

Another quote states "Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed. You can also limit waste by reducing the number of things you buy. For example, check the library for that book you have to read before visiting the store."

*** Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text — “number” should be written as “amount.”

Edited sentence: Another quote states "Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed. You can also limit waste by reducing the amount of things you buy. For example, check the library for that book you have to read before visiting the store."

This shows that recycling is going to help the Earth

*** Add a period at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: This shows that recycling is going to help the Earth.

*** Spell out numbers from one to ten. Make sure quotes are written exactly as they are in the text.

Edited paragraph:

One way to help improve Earth is to recycle plastic. Recycling plastic can help Earth a lot. The text states "A plastic bottle sticks around for way longer—it can take over 450 years to break down! But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter." This shows that recycling is going to help the Earth. Another quote states "Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed. You can also limit waste by reducing the amount of things you buy. For example, check the library for that book you have to read before visiting the store." This shows that recycling is going to help the Earth.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The participant's neuron started to turn off and on. Another thing that happened to the participants is that the neuron's halt caused less blood to flow in the brain. A quote shows that "neurons started to turn off and on in a synchronized fashion." This shows that this happened to the participants. Another quote indicates "The halt in neuron activity caused less blood to flow into the brain," This shows that the neurons halt caused less blood to flow in the brain.

The participant's neuron started to turn off and on.

*** Add a “s” at the end of “neuron.” Since more than one participant is mentioned, move the apostrophe in “participant’s” after the “s.”

Edited sentence: The participants’ neurons started to turn off and on.

Another thing that happened to the participants is that the neuron's halt caused less blood to flow in the brain.

*** Change “in” to “into.” The word “into” suggests more direction, as the blood is flowing from one part of the body to the brain. “in” suggests that the blood is flowing just inside the brain. Try not to use the word “thing” — try to name or describe it instead. Change “neuron’s halt” to “neurons halting.”

Edited sentence: Another event that happened to the participants is that the neurons halting caused less blood to flow in the brain.

A quote shows that "neurons started to turn off and on in a synchronized fashion."

*** Good.

This shows that this happened to the participants.

*** Add “quote” after “This.”

Edited sentence: This quote shows that this happened to the participants.

Another quote indicates "The halt in neuron activity caused less blood to flow into the brain,"

*** Change the comma to a period.

Edited sentence: Another quote indicates "The halt in neuron activity caused less blood to flow into the brain."

This shows that the neurons halt caused less blood to flow in the brain.

*** Change “neurons halt” to “neurons halting.” Change “in” to “into.”

Edited sentence: This shows that the neurons halting caused less blood to flow into the brain.

Edited paragraph:

The participants’ neurons started to turn off and on. Another event that happened to the participants is that the neurons halting caused less blood to flow in the brain. A quote shows that "neurons started to turn off and on in a synchronized fashion." This quote shows that this happened to the participants. Another quote indicates "The halt in neuron activity caused less blood to flow into the brain." This shows that the neurons halting caused less blood to flow into the brain.

Edited by Penny Yagake

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The little mermaid is different from her sister because she has a whole different personality. The text states "She was a curious child, quiet and thoughtful, and while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks," This shows how she is different. Another quote states "Each little princess had her own little plot of garden, where she could dig and plant just as she liked. One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid, but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams." This shows how the little mermaid has a different personality.

The little mermaid is different from her sister because she has a whole different personality.

*** “she” could refer to either the little mermaid or her sister, so to make the sentence clearer, change “she” to “the little mermaid.”

Edited sentence: The little mermaid is different from her sister because the little mermaid has a whole different personality.

The text states "She was a curious child, quiet and thoughtful, and while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks," This shows how she is different.

*** Change “This” to “which.”

Edited sentence: The text states "She was a curious child, quiet and thoughtful, and while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks," which shows how she is different.

Another quote states "Each little princess had her own little plot of garden, where she could dig and plant just as she liked. One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid, but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams."

*** Good.

This shows how the little mermaid has a different personality.

*** Good.

*** Please place new paragraphs at the top of your page.

Edited paragraph:

The little mermaid is different from her sister because the little mermaid has a whole different personality. The text states "She was a curious child, quiet and thoughtful, and while the other sisters decked out their gardens with all kinds of extraordinary objects which they got from wrecks," which shows how she is different. Another quote states "Each little princess had her own little plot of garden, where she could dig and plant just as she liked. One made her flower-bed in the shape of a whale; another thought it nice to have hers like a little mermaid, but the youngest made hers quite round like the sun, and she would only have flowers of a rosy hue like its beams." This shows how the little mermaid has a different personality.

Edited by Penny Yagake

The narrator is trying to tell us that you should never be too proud because one day something unfortunate will fall on you, for example, the text states ""Inferior, indeed!" said the buckwheat. "Now I intend to have a peep into heaven." Proudly and boldly he looked up, while the lightning flashed across the sky as if the whole world were in flames." This shows that you should never be too proud of yourself

The narrator is trying to tell us that you should never be too proud because one day something unfortunate will fall on you, for example, the text states ""Inferior, indeed!" said the buckwheat. "Now I intend to have a peep into heaven." Proudly and boldly he looked up, while the lightning flashed across the sky as if the whole world were in flames."

*** Avoid first person point of view (“us”) and second person point of view (“you”). Use third person point of view. Here, “us” can be replaced with “readers” and “you” can be replaced with “they” or “them.” When there is another quote inside of a quote, place single quotation marks (‘) around the inside quote. This sentence can be split into two sentences.

Edited sentence: The narrator is trying to tell readers that they should never be too proud because one day something unfortunate will fall on them. For example, the text states ""Inferior, indeed!" said the buckwheat. ‘Now I intend to have a peep into heaven.’ Proudly and boldly he looked up, while the lightning flashed across the sky as if the whole world were in flames."

This shows that you should never be too proud of yourself

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”). Use third person point of view.

Edited sentence: This shows that readers should never be too proud of themselves.

*** Please leave the editing notes on this page. Use third person point of view for these paragraphs. When there is another quote inside of a quote, place single quotation marks (‘) around the inside quote. Please place new paragraphs at the top of your page.

Fully edited paragraph:

The narrator is trying to tell readers that they should never be too proud because one day something unfortunate will fall on them. For example, the text states ""Inferior, indeed!" said the buckwheat. ‘Now I intend to have a peep into heaven.’ Proudly and boldly he looked up, while the lightning flashed across the sky as if the whole world were in flames." This shows that readers should never be too proud of themselves.

Edited by Penny Yagake