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<br>There Are Murder Hornet In The World <br />
 
<br>There Are Murder Hornet In The World <br />
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<br>*** Since “Are” indicates that the title has a plural subject, add a “s” at the end of “Hornet.” Small words like "in the" do not need to be capitalized.<br />
+
<br>*** Since “Are” indicates that the title has a plural subject, add a “s” at the end of “Hornet.” Words like "in the" do not need to be capitalized.<br />
 
<br>Edited title: There Are Murder Hornets in the World <br />
 
<br>Edited title: There Are Murder Hornets in the World <br />
 
<br>This article is saying that the murder hornet which is actually an Asian giant hornet that you don't want to mess with.<br />
 
<br>This article is saying that the murder hornet which is actually an Asian giant hornet that you don't want to mess with.<br />

Revision as of 20:25, 5 May 2020

Basic Note: Lote, you must include a headline, 1 topic sentence, 4 fact sentences, 1 concluding sentence and the SOURCE of your article.

There Are Murder Hornet In The World

This article is saying that the murder hornet which is actually an Asian giant hornet that you don't want to mess with.One reason is that the murder hornet is actually a really big insect, almost up to 2 inches.Second reason is that the stinger size is about a quarter of an inch long.Third fact is that it only takes a few hornets to inject large amount of venom.Last reason is that they are serious honey bee predators that feed parts to their offspring.In conclusion murder hornets are bees that you really, really don't want to mess with. SOURCE:popsci.com


There Are Murder Hornet In The World

*** Since “Are” indicates that the title has a plural subject, add a “s” at the end of “Hornet.” Words like "in the" do not need to be capitalized.

Edited title: There Are Murder Hornets in the World

This article is saying that the murder hornet which is actually an Asian giant hornet that you don't want to mess with.

*** Remove “which.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view instead. To do this, change “you” to “people.”

Edited sentence: This article is saying that the murder hornet is actually an Asian giant hornet that people don't want to mess with.

One reason is that the murder hornet is actually a really big insect, almost up to 2 inches.

*** Spell out numbers from one to ten. Here, write out “2” as “two.” Move “almost” after “to.”

Edited sentence: One reason is that the murder hornet is actually a really big insect, up to almost two inches.

Second reason is that the stinger size is about a quarter of an inch long.

*** Change “Second” to “Another.” Change “stinger size” to “size of its stinger.”

Edited sentence: Another reason is that the size of its stinger is about a quarter of an inch long.

Third fact is that it only takes a few hornets to inject large amount of venom.

*** This sentence can start with “It only takes…” Add “a” after “inject.”

Edited sentence: It only takes a few hornets to inject a large amount of venom.

Last reason is that they are serious honey bee predators that feed parts to their offspring.

*** This sentence can start with “They are serious…” Add “of the honey bees” after “parts.”

Edited sentence: They are serious honey bee predators that feed parts of the honey bees to their offspring.

In conclusion murder hornets are bees that you really, really don't want to mess with.

*** Hornets are not the same as bees, so replace “bees” with “insects.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view instead. To do this, change “you” to “people.”

Edited sentence: In conclusion murder hornets are insects that people really, really don't want to mess with.

SOURCE:popsci.com

*** Include the full link to the article. Add the other information that comes after "popsci.com."

Edited source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/murder-hornet-bee/

*** Include the full link to the article. Please add another space between articles to separate them. Also remember to add a space after the period at the end of each sentence.

Fully edited article:

There Are Murder Hornets in the World

This article is saying that the murder hornet is actually an Asian giant hornet that people don't want to mess with. One reason is that the murder hornet is actually a really big insect, up to almost two inches. Another reason is that the size of its stinger is about a quarter of an inch long. It only takes a few hornets to inject a large amount of venom. They are serious honey bee predators that feed parts of the honey bees to their offspring. In conclusion murder hornets are insects that people really, really don't want to mess with.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/murder-hornet-bee/

Edited by Penny Yagake





Ancient frogs came across America through Australia by hopping across Antartica

The article says that ancient frogs hop across Antartica to get to Australia from America.One reason is that the seven croakers were found on an ice wasteland.Another fact is that hese frogs got their start on one massive ancient continent, allowing them to branch off around the world.Third fact is that the lost Antarctic critters are close cousins of frogs we’re already familiar with, their remains also provide insight into what the area’s climate was like back before it froze over. Last fact is that the article says "This newly discovered frog “ties” the two in a way, Mors adds, which provides support for the existence of Gondwana—an ancient “supercontinent” that formed after the original landmass of Pangea spilt in two."In conclusion the croakers hopped across Antartica to get to Australia. SOURCE:posci.com





There Are 13 free online sources to entertain your kids and educate them. The article says that the 13 sources could entertain and educate kids.One fact is that to collaborate with parents as we wait out the pandemic, a handful of online platforms, services, and publishers have made their content available to keep students learning while in lockdown.Another fact is that some have even created material specifically to guide parents and teachers during the transition to homeschooling.Third fact is that these are stressful times, and just as you may not feel like teaching yourself how to play guitar, students need a little leeway too. Last fact is that even if you don’t live in New York, the state’s library system has made some of its remote learning resources for kids and teenagers available online.In conclusion you could entertain and educate kids during the coronavirus. SOURCE:popsci.com


There Are 13 free online sources to entertain your kids and educate them.

*** If this is the title, capitalize every word except particles such as “to” and “in.” Remove the period at the end of the title. I have suggested a more condensed title below.

Edited title: 13 Free Online Resources for Kids

The article says that the 13 sources could entertain and educate kids.

*** “says that the” could be replaced with “is about.” For this article, write “sources” as “resources.”

Edited sentence: The article is about 13 resources that could entertain and educate kids.

One fact is that to collaborate with parents as we wait out the pandemic, a handful of online platforms, services, and publishers have made their content available to keep students learning while in lockdown.

*** Do not just copy phrases from the article. Credit the article by adding “According to the article” at the beginning of this sentence.

Edited sentence: According to the article, “to collaborate with parents as we wait out the pandemic, a handful of online platforms, services, and publishers have made their content available to keep students learning while in lockdown.”

Another fact is that some have even created material specifically to guide parents and teachers during the transition to homeschooling.

*** Credit the article by adding “The article adds” at the beginning of this sentence.

Edited sentence: The article adds, “Some have even created material specifically to guide parents and teachers during the transition to homeschooling.”

Third fact is that these are stressful times, and just as you may not feel like teaching yourself how to play guitar, students need a little leeway too.

*** Credit the article by adding “The article also states” at the beginning of this sentence.

Edited sentence: The article also states, “these are stressful times, and just as you may not feel like teaching yourself how to play guitar, students need a little leeway too.”

Last fact is that even if you don’t live in New York, the state’s library system has made some of its remote learning resources for kids and teenagers available online.

*** Credit the article by adding “Additionally, the article states” at the beginning of this sentence.

Edited sentence: Additionally, the article states, “Even if you don’t live in New York, the state’s library system has made some of its remote learning resources for kids and teenagers available online.”

In conclusion you could entertain and educate kids during the coronavirus.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Here, you can replaced “you” with parents since they are addressed in the article. Replace “could” with “can.”

Edited sentence: In conclusion parents can entertain and educate kids during the coronavirus quarantine.

SOURCE:popsci.com

*** Include the full link to the article.

Edited source: https://www.popsci.com/story/diy/free-learning-educational-resources-online/

*** Do not just copy phrases from the article. Credit the article by adding phrases such as “According to the article” before quoting phrases from the article. If you use a quote, explain it in a sentence using your own words. Make sure there is a space after the period at the end of each sentence. Write out the full link to the article. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.

Fully edited article:

13 Free Online Resources for Kids

The article is about 13 resources that could entertain and educate kids. According to the article, “to collaborate with parents as we wait out the pandemic, a handful of online platforms, services, and publishers have made their content available to keep students learning while in lockdown.” The article adds, “Some have even created material specifically to guide parents and teachers during the transition to homeschooling.” The article also states, “these are stressful times, and just as you may not feel like teaching yourself how to play guitar, students need a little leeway too.” Additionally, the article states, “Even if you don’t live in New York, the state’s library system has made some of its remote learning resources for kids and teenagers available online.” In conclusion parents can entertain and educate kids during the coronavirus quarantine.

Edited by Penny Yagake





What Are The Smartest Animal And How Could You Tell The article says we can find out how animals are smart.One fact is that chimpanzees share our brain power as our genetics.Second fact is that elephants can understand the difference between between languages.Third fact is that scientists test animal intelligence by using mirror-self recognition test.Last fact is that bees could identity tons of types of lines.In conclusion you can find out how smart an animal is. SOURCE:popsci.com


What Are The Smartest Animal And How Could You Tell

*** Since this sentence has the plural verb “are,” add a “s” at the end of “Animal.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Here, “you” can be replaced with “People.” Change “Could” to “Can.”

Edited title: What Are The Smartest Animals and How Can People Tell?

The article says we can find out how animals are smart.

*** Remember to add a space after the period at the end of each sentence. Avoid first person point of view (“we”) and use third person point of view only. Here, “we” can be replaced with “people.”

Edited sentence: The article says people can find out how animals are smart.

One fact is that chimpanzees share our brain power as our genetics.

*** “our” can be replaced with “human.” This sentence can start with “Chimpanzees…” The phrase “as our” can be replaced with “and.”

Edited sentence: Chimpanzees share human brain power and genetics.

Second fact is that elephants can understand the difference between between languages.

*** Remove the extra “between.” This sentence can start with “Elephants…”

Edited sentence: Elephants can understand the difference between languages.

Third fact is that scientists test animal intelligence by using mirror-self recognition test.

*** Add “the” before “mirror-self.” This sentence can start with “Scientists…”

Edited sentence: Scientists test animal intelligence by using the mirror-self recognition test.

Last fact is that bees could identity tons of types of lines.

*** Spell “identity” as “identify.” The word “identity” is a noun while “identify” is the verb form. This sentence can mention more about the experiment scientists did with the bees.

Edited sentence: In an experiment, bees could identify the difference between types of lines such as horizontal and vertical lines.

In conclusion you can find out how smart an animal is.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Here, “you” can be replaced with “people.”

Edited sentence: In conclusion people can find out how smart an animal is.

SOURCE:popsci.com

*** Include the full link to the article.

Edited source: https://www.popsci.com/worlds-smartest-animals/

*** Remember to include the full link to the article. Also add a space after the period at the end of each sentence. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Watch out for repeated words.

Fully edited article:

What Are The Smartest Animals and How Can People Tell?

The article says people can find out how animals are smart. Chimpanzees share human brain power and genetics. Elephants can understand the difference between languages. Scientists test animal intelligence by using the mirror-self recognition test. In an experiment, bees could identify the difference between types of lines such as horizontal and vertical lines. In conclusion people can find out how smart an animal is.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/worlds-smartest-animals/

Edited by Penny Yagake





Google Taught The Robot Dog Tricks Like The Real Dogs The article says that they could get the dogs to do tricks.One fact is that even if you are a skilled programmer to make the a robotic dog walk will be a hard task.Second fact is that GOOGLE got actual flesh to use in order to examine it.Third fact is that google also used data in order to gain information.Fourth fact is that the robotic dog isn't as flexible as real dogs which is harder to make them move.In conclusion google made a robotic dog do tricks even if it doesn't have a spine to make it flexible. SOURCE:popsci.com


Google Taught The Robot Dog Tricks Like The Real Dogs

*** Change “The” to “A.” Remove the second “The.”

Edited title: Google Taught A Robot Dog Tricks Like Real Dogs

The article says that they could get the dogs to do tricks.

*** Add “robot” before “dogs.” Identify “they” — replace “they” with “Google.”

Edited sentence: The article says that Google could get the robot dogs to do tricks.

One fact is that even if you are a skilled programmer to make the a robotic dog walk will be a hard task.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Change “even if you are” to “even if a person is.” Add a comma after “programmer.” Remove “the” before “a robotic dog.” This sentence can start with “Even…”

Edited sentence: Even if a person is a skilled programmer, to make a robotic dog walk will be a hard task.

Second fact is that GOOGLE got actual flesh to use in order to examine it.

*** According to the article, researchers used “flesh-and-blood dog movements,” not just flesh. “flesh-and-blood dog” refers to a dog that is alive. Only the first letter in “Google” needs to be capitalized. This sentence can start with “Google…”

Edited sentence: Google got actual movements from a live dog to use in order to examine it.

Third fact is that google also used data in order to gain information.

*** Capitalize the first letter in “Google.”

Edited sentence: Google also used data in order to gain information.

Fourth fact is that the robotic dog isn't as flexible as real dogs which is harder to make them move.

*** Change “which is harder to make them move” to “which makes the robotic dog harder to move.” This sentence can start with “The robotic dog…”

Edited sentence: The robotic dog isn’t as flexible as real dogs which makes the robotic dog harder to move.

In conclusion google made a robotic dog do tricks even if it doesn't have a spine to make it flexible.

*** Capitalize the first letter in “Google.” Change “even if” to “even though.”

Edited sentence: In conclusion Google made a robotic dog do tricks even though it doesn’t have a spine to make it flexible.

SOURCE:popsci.com

*** Include the full URL.

Edited source: https://www.popsci.com/story/technology/google-dog-robot/

*** Make sure there is a space between each sentence. Include the full URL for the source. For company names like “Google,” only the first letter in the name needs to be capitalized. When using words like “they” and “them,” make sure the sentence or the summary identifies who these pronouns are referring to. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only.

Fully edited article:

Google Taught A Robot Dog Tricks Like Real Dogs

The article says that Google could get the robot dogs to do tricks. Even if a person is a skilled programmer, to make a robotic dog walk will be a hard task. Google got actual movements from a live dog to use in order to examine it. Google also used data in order to gain information. The robotic dog isn’t as flexible as real dogs which makes the robotic dog harder to move. In conclusion Google made a robotic dog do tricks even though it doesn’t have a spine to make it flexible.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/technology/google-dog-robot/

Edited by Penny Yagake





New study finds out that there are T.rex teens. The article says that expert found smaller type of t.rex.One fact is that t.rex also has teenage growth years like humans.Expert found fossils that are a t.rex but a teen.Another fact is that t.rex are dinosaurs that grow very fast like no other dinosaurs.Last fact is that experts think highly that the fossils are t.rex teens.In conclusion,the fossils are most likely to be t.rex teens. SOURCE:popsci.com


New study finds out that there are T.rex teens.

*** Capitalize each word in this title. A title does not need a period at the end. However, add a space after the period in “T.rex.”

Edited title: New Study Finds Out That There Are T. rex Teens

The article says that expert found smaller type of t.rex.

*** Add a “s” at the end of “expert” since there is more than one expert. Add “a” before “smaller.” Capitalize the “t” in “t.rex” and add a space after the same “t.” Change “The article says that” to “According to the article.”

Edited sentence: According to the article, experts found a smaller type of T. rex.

One fact is that t.rex also has teenage growth years like humans.

*** This sentence can start with “The T. rex also…”

Edited sentence: The T. rex also has teenage growth years like humans.

Expert found fossils that are a t.rex but a teen.

*** Add a “s” at the end of “Expert” since there is more than one expert. Change “are” to “belong to.” Change “teen” to “teenage one.”

Edited sentence: Experts found fossils that belong to a T. rex but a teenage one.

Another fact is that t.rex are dinosaurs that grow very fast like no other dinosaurs.

*** This sentence can start with “T. rex are dinosaurs that grow very fast…”

Edited sentence: T. rex are dinosaurs that grow very fast like no other dinosaurs.

Last fact is that experts think highly that the fossils are t.rex teens.

*** This sentence can start with “Experts think…” Move “highly” after “are” and add “likely” after “highly.”

Edited sentence: Experts think that the fossils are highly likely T. rex teens.

In conclusion,the fossils are most likely to be t.rex teens.

*** Add a space after the comma. Add a space after the period in “t.rex” and capitalize the “t.”

Edited sentence: In conclusion, the fossils are most likely to be T. rex teens.

SOURCE:popsci.com

*** Include the full URL.

Edited source: https://www.popsci.com/story/science/t-rex-teenagers-fossils/

*** Include the full URL for the source. Make sure there is a space between each sentence. Also make sure that names are written correctly — the “t” in “t.rex” should be capitalized and there should be a space after the period. Add a “s” at the end of plural nouns, like “experts.”

Fully edited article:

New Study Finds Out That There Are T. rex Teens

According to the article, experts found a smaller type of T. rex. The T. rex also has teenage growth years like humans. Experts found fossils that belong to a T. rex but a teenage one. T. rex are dinosaurs that grow very fast like no other dinosaurs. Experts think that the fossils are highly likely T. rex teens. In conclusion, the fossils are most likely to be T. rex teens.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/science/t-rex-teenagers-fossils/

Edited by Penny Yagake





How did we figure out what dinosaurs looked like? 

The article says that its about how if people know how dinosaurs look like.One fact is that no one has never seen one up in person.Second fact is that paleoartists take informed guesses of how dinosaurs look like.Another fact is that the best skeletons are mostly 90% complete.Last fact is that paleoartists has hard evidence which isnt always true.In conclusion we really don't know how dinosaurs look like.

SOURCE:popsci.com


How did we figure out what dinosaurs looked like?

*** Capitalize each word in the title. Avoid first person point of view and use third person point of view only - replace “we” with “people.”

Edited title: How Did People Figure Out What Dinosaurs Looked Like?

The article says that its about how if people know how dinosaurs look like.

*** This sentence can start with “The article is about...” Remove “if.” Replace the second “how” with “what.” Since dinosaurs lived in the past, write “look” in past tense - “looked.”

Edited sentence: This article is about how people know what dinosaurs looked like.

One fact is that no one has never seen one up in person.

*** This sentence can start with “No one has…” Change “never” to “ever.” Remove “in.”

Edited sentence: No one has ever seen one in person.

Second fact is that paleoartists take informed guesses of how dinosaurs look like.

*** This sentence can start with “Paleoartists take informed…” Change “take” to “make.” Change “how” to “what.” Since dinosaurs lived in the past, write “look” in past tense - “looked.”

Edited sentence: Paleoartists make informed guesses of what dinosaurs looked like.

Another fact is that the best skeletons are mostly 90% complete.

*** This sentence can start with “The best skeletons…”

Edited sentence: The best skeletons are mostly 90% complete.

Last fact is that paleoartists has hard evidence which isnt always true.

*** Change “has” to “have.” Add an apostrophe before the “t” in “isnt.” This sentence can start with “Paleoartists have hard evidence…”

Edited sentence: Paleoartists have hard evidence which isn’t always true.

In conclusion we really don't know how dinosaurs look like.

*** Change “how” to “what.” Avoid first person point of view and use third person point of view only - replace “we” with “people.” Write “look” in past tense - “looked.”

Edited sentence: In conclusion people really don’t know what dinosaurs looked like.

SOURCE:popsci.com

*** Include the full URL

Edited source: https://www.popsci.com/story/science/dinosaur-drawings-accuracte/

*** Remember to put a space between each sentence. Singular nouns should be followed by singular verbs — for example, “A paleoartist has.” Plural nouns should be followed by plural verbs — for example, “Paleoartists have.” Pay attention to the tense in a sentence. If an event occurred in the past, such as when the dinosaurs lived, the sentence should be in past tense. Avoid first person point of view and use third person point of view only.

Fully edited article:

How Did People Figure Out What Dinosaurs Looked Like?

This article is about how people know what dinosaurs looked like. No one has ever seen one in person. Paleoartists make informed guesses of what dinosaurs looked like. The best skeletons are mostly 90% complete. Paleoartists have hard evidence which isn’t always true. In conclusion people really don’t know what dinosaurs looked like.

Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/science/dinosaur-drawings-accuracte/

Edited by Penny Yagake







Title:Whats up with this half fish half bird.
The article is saying that that there is fish that looks like a bird.One reason is that there is a video that went viral about the bird fish.Also people are saying that the fish even has a beak like mouth.Another reason is that scientists even say that the fish even looks like a real pigeon.Last reason is that the fish probably has defective cell growth that makes it look like a bird.In conclusion the article is talking about how the fish is similar looking to pigeons.


Title:Whats up with this half fish half bird.

*** You can leave out “Title.” Each word in the title should be capitalized except for particles like “with.” This title is very close to the one from this article: https://www.livescience.com/62816-fish-with-bird-head-explained.html. Please change the title. I have suggested one below.

Edited title: Half-Fish, Half-Bird Found in China

The article is saying that that there is fish that looks like a bird.

*** Change “is saying” to “says.” Remove the first “that.” Add “a” before “fish.”

Edited sentence: The article says that there is a fish that looks like a bird.

One reason is that there is a video that went viral about the bird fish.

*** This sentence can start with “There is a video…”

Edited sentence: There is a video that went viral about the bird fish.

Also people are saying that the fish even has a beak like mouth.

*** Move “also” after “are.” Add a hyphen between “beak” and “like.”

Edited sentence: People are also saying that the fish even has a beak-like mouth.

Another reason is that scientists even say that the fish even looks like a real pigeon.

*** This sentence can start with “Scientists say…” Remove the second “even.”

Edited sentence: Scientists even say that the fish looks like a real pigeon.

Last reason is that the fish probably has defective cell growth that makes it look like a bird.

*** Change the second “that” to “which.” This sentence can start with “The fish probably…”

Edited sentence: The fish probably has defective cell growth which makes it look like a bird.

In conclusion the article is talking about how the fish is similar looking to pigeons.

*** Change “is similar looking” to “looks similar.”

Edited sentence: In conclusion the article is talking about how the fish looks similar to pigeons.

*** Include the source. Make sure there is a space between sentences. I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed.

Fully edited article:

Half-Fish, Half-Bird Found in China

The article says that there is a fish that looks like a bird. There is a video that went viral about the bird fish. People are also saying that the fish even has a beak-like mouth. Scientists even say that the fish looks like a real pigeon. The fish probably has defective cell growth which makes it look like a bird. In conclusion the article is talking about how the fish looks similar to pigeons.

Source: https://www.livescience.com/62816-fish-with-bird-head-explained.html

Edited by Penny Yagake






This article is about how productscan make you sleep better.One fact is that there is a product called an anti-snoring device that makes the airway clear and can purify the air. Another fact is that a sleep mask can block out any light in your room.Third fact is that iEnjoy sheets can make your sheets more soft.Last fact is that a bamboo knee pillow can make your leg s have better circulation.In conclusion there are products that can make you sleep better.


This article is about how productscan make you sleep better.

*** Add a space between “products” and “can.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only - this applies to all the sentences. In this sentence, change “you” to “people.”

Edited sentence: This article is about how products can make people sleep better.

One fact is that there is a product called an anti-snoring device that makes the airway clear and can purify the air.

*** I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed. This sentence can instead start with “There is a product…”

Edited sentence: There is a product called an anti-snoring device that makes the airway clear and can purify the air.

Another fact is that a sleep mask can block out any light in your room.

*** This sentence can start with “A sleep mask…”

Edited sentence: A sleep mask can block out any light in a person’s room.

Third fact is that iEnjoy sheets can make your sheets more soft.

***This sentence can start with “iEnjoy sheets…” The phrase “more soft” can be replaced with “softer.”

Edited sentence: iEnjoy sheets can make bed sheets softer.

Last fact is that a bamboo knee pillow can make your leg s have better circulation.

*** Remove the extra space in “legs.” This sentence can start with “A bamboo knee pillow…”

Edited sentence: A bamboo knee pillow can make a person’s legs have better circulation.

In conclusion there are products that can make you sleep better.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. In this sentence, replace “you” with “people.”

Edited sentence: In conclusion there are products that can make people sleep better.

*** Create a title and include the source. Make sure there is a space between each sentence. Avoid second person point of view - do not use “you” and replace it with third person point of view pronouns only. Note where extra spaces need to be removed and where spaces need to be added.

Fully edited article:

This article is about how products can make people sleep better. There is a product called an anti-snoring device that makes the airway clear and can purify the air. A sleep mask can block out any light in a person’s room. iEnjoy sheets can make bed sheets softer. A bamboo knee pillow can make a person’s legs have better circulation. In conclusion there are products that can make people sleep better.

Edited by Penny Yagake






This article is about how you should eat breakfast everyday.One fact is that breakfast could help you get a better grade in your test.Another fact is that when you eat breakfast you could produce more energy for the day.Third fact is that when you eat breakfast it could have an another chance of getting nutrients.Fourth fact is that breakfast gives your body the best cycle for metabolism.In conclusion you should eat breakfast everyday.


This article is about how you should eat breakfast everyday.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Change “you” to “people.” Change “how” to “why.” The word “everyday” should be written as two words. When “everyday” is written as one word, it becomes an adjective that needs to be followed by a noun.

Edited sentence: This article is about why people should eat breakfast every day.

One fact is that breakfast could help you get a better grade in your test.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Since this sentence is discussing grades, replace “you” with “students” and “your” with “their.” Change “in” to “on.” I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed.

Edited sentence: Breakfast could help students get a better grade on their tests.

Another fact is that when you eat breakfast you could produce more energy for the day.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Replace the first “you” with “people” and replace the second “you” with “they.”

Edited sentence: When people eat breakfast they could produce more energy for the day.

Third fact is that when you eat breakfast it could have an another chance of getting nutrients.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view only. Replace the first “you” with “people” and replace “it” with “they.” Remove “an.”

Edited sentence: When people eat breakfast they could have another chance of getting nutrients.

Fourth fact is that breakfast gives your body the best cycle for metabolism.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“your”) and use third person point of view only. Replace “your” with “a person’s.”

Edited sentence: Breakfast gives a person’s body the best cycle for metabolism.

In conclusion you should eat breakfast everyday.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“your”) and use third person point of view only. Replace “you” with “people.” The word “everyday” should be two words.

Edited sentence: In conclusion people should eat breakfast every day.

*** Create a title and include the source. Add a space after the period at the end of each sentence. Avoid second person point of view (“your”) and use third person point of view only.

Fully edited article:

This article is about why people should eat breakfast every day. Breakfast could help students get a better grade on their tests. When people eat breakfast they could produce more energy for the day. When people eat breakfast they could have another chance of getting nutrients. Breakfast gives a person’s body the best cycle for metabolism. In conclusion people should eat breakfast every day.

Edited by Penny Yagake






This article is about how you could prevent anyone tracking you with your iPhone.One fact is that they are telling you steps that can prevent them from tracking you.Another fact is that google has strong grip to android and iPhones.Third fact is that google can track you with apps that you don't use.Fourth fact is that google can also track you with facebook.In conclusion google can track your iPhone.


This article is about how you could prevent anyone tracking you with your iPhone.

*** Avoid second person point of view — remove “you.” Use third person point of view only. This means to use words such as “people” or “a person.” Add “from” after “anyone.

Edited sentence: This article is about how to prevent anyone from tracking a person with that person’s iPhone.

One fact is that they are telling you steps that can prevent them from tracking you.

*** Good, but I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed. Avoid second person point of view (“you”), and use third person point of view only.

Edited sentence: The article discusses steps that can prevent others from tracking a person.

Another fact is that google has strong grip to android and iPhones.

*** Add “a” after “has.” Change “to” to “on.” Capitalize “android” since it is the name of a brand, and add “phones” after “Android.” Capitalize “google” since it is the name of a company.

Edited sentence: Google has a strong grip on Android phones and iPhones.

Third fact is that google can track you with apps that you don't use.

*** Capitalize “google” since it is the name of a company. Avoid second person point of view (“you”), and use third person point of view only.

Edited sentence: Google can track people with apps that aren’t in use.

Fourth fact is that google can also track you with facebook.

*** Capitalize “facebook” since that is the name of a company. Capitalize “google” since it is the name of a company. Avoid second person point of view (“you”), and use third person point of view only.

Edited sentence: Google can also track people with Facebook.

In conclusion google can track your iPhone.

*** Capitalize “google.” Avoid second person point of view (“you”), and use third person point of view only.

Edited sentence: In conclusion Google can track people’s iPhones.

*** Please create a title and include the source. Add a space after the period at the end of each sentence. Make sure to capitalize the names of companies. Avoid second person point of view (“you”), and use third person point of view only. I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed.

Fully edited article:

This article is about how to prevent anyone from tracking a person with that person’s iPhone. The article discusses steps that can prevent others from tracking a person. Google has a strong grip on Android phones and iPhones. Google can track people with apps that aren’t in use. Google can also track people with Facebook. In conclusion Google can track people’s iPhones.

Edited by Penny Yagake





   This article is about where the coldest place in earth is.One fact is that scientists measured where the coldest place is.Another fact is that scientists had to wear masks in order to find the coldest place in earth.Third fact is that scientists used satellites to find the coldest place in the whole world.Last fact is that if scientists took a few b deaths then that could cause a hemorrhage.In conclusion scientists found the coldest place in earth.


This article is about where the coldest place in earth is.

*** Change “in” to “on.” Capitalize “earth” because it is the name of a planet.

Edited sentence: This article is about where the coldest place on Earth is.

One fact is that scientists measured where the coldest place is.

*** Good, but I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed. For example, this sentence could start with “Scientists measured…” instead.

Edited sentence: Scientists measured where the coldest place is.

Another fact is that scientists had to wear masks in order to find the coldest place in earth.

*** Change “in” to “on.” Capitalize “earth” because it is the name of a planet.

Edited sentence: Another fact is that scientists had to wear masks in order to find the coldest place on Earth.

Third fact is that scientists used satellites to find the coldest place in the whole world.

*** Again, this sentence could start with “Scientists used satellites…”

Edited sentence: Scientists used satellites to find the coldest place in the whole world.

Last fact is that if scientists took a few b deaths then that could cause a hemorrhage.

*** “b deaths” should be written as “breaths.” This could be explained a little more. For example, you could say “if scientists took a few breaths without wearing masks…”

Edited sentence: If scientists took a few breaths without wearing masks, then that could cause a hemorrhage.

In conclusion scientists found the coldest place in earth.

*** Change “in” to “on.” Capitalize “earth” because it is the name of a planet.

Edited sentence: In conclusion scientists found the coldest place on Earth.

*** Remember to create a title and include the source. capitalize proper nouns like the name of a planet. When a source discusses a subject that is on the surface of the Earth, use the preposition “on” instead of “in.” Make sure to read over your article summaries to check that the spelling is correct. I would still encourage you to start avoiding phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed.

Fully edited article:

This article is about where the coldest place on Earth is. Scientists measured where the coldest place is. Another fact is that scientists had to wear masks in order to find the coldest place on Earth. Scientists used satellites to find the coldest place in the whole world. If scientists took a few breaths without wearing masks, then that could cause a hemorrhage. In conclusion scientists found the coldest place on Earth.

Edited by Penny Yagake





This article is about scientists figuring life out of earth.One fact is that scientists found out that earth is powered by the host star and so is other planets. Another fact is that there is a possible chance that life could kickstart like the earth.Last fact is that the UV lights can give life to planets like the earth.In conclusion there is life outside of earth.


This article is about scientists figuring life out of earth.

*** Move “out” before “life.” Change “of” to “on.” Capitalize “earth” since this sentence is referring to the name of a planet.

Edited sentence: This article is about scientists figuring out life on Earth.

One fact is that scientists found out that earth is powered by the host star and so is other planets.

*** Since more than one planet is referred to at the end of this sentence, this plural subject should be followed by a plural verb. Therefore, change “is” to “are.” Capitalize “earth.” It seems like there are multiple host stars — does this host star have a name?

Edited sentence: One fact is that scientists found out that Earth is powered by the host star and so are other planets.

Another fact is that there is a possible chance that life could kickstart like the earth.

*** “possible” is not needed since “chance” is similar in meaning. Capitalize “earth.” Does this sentence mean to say that life could kickstart on other planets like the Earth?

Edited sentence: Another fact is that there is a chance that life could kickstart on other planets like the Earth.

Last fact is that the UV lights can give life to planets like the earth.

*** Are these UV lights coming from a planet? Remove “the” before “UV.” Remove “s” after “light.” Capitalize “earth.”

Edited sentence: Last fact is that UV light can give life to planets like the Earth.

In conclusion there is life outside of earth.

*** Capitalize “earth.”

Edited sentence: In conclusion there is life outside of Earth.

*** Please create a title and include the source. Remember that the article summary needs six sentences. Proper nouns like the name of a planet should be capitalized. I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed. For example, in the sentence, “One fact is that scientists found out that Earth is powered by the host star and so are other planets,” you can start the sentence with “Scientists found out” instead.

Fully edited article:

This article is about scientists figuring out life on Earth. One fact is that scientists found out that Earth is powered by the host star and so are other planets. Another fact is that there is a chance that life could kickstart on other planets like the Earth. Last fact is that UV light can give life to planets like the Earth. In conclusion there is life outside of Earth.

Edited by Penny Yagake





   This article is about the tech Alexa. One fact is that they are talking about how Alexa has been used in phones and other technology but Amazon is taking a step further by making Amazon echo, putting Alexa in it.Another fact is that Amazon made Alexa in the Amazon echo to tell drivers their directions to reach their destination. Also another thing is that Alexa can provide any type of information that people are going to need. Also another fact is that Alexa can also entertain people by any type of way. Last fact is that Alexa can also put in any type of background music that you are going to need. In conclusion this article is about the tech Alexa.


This article is about the tech Alexa.

*** Write out “technology.”

Edited sentence: This article is about the technology called Alexa.

One fact is that they are talking about how Alexa has been used in phones and other technology but Amazon is taking a step further by making Amazon echo, putting Alexa in it.

*** Who is “they”? Capitalize “echo.”

Edited sentence: One fact is that Alexa has been used in phones and other technology but Amazon is taking a step further by making Amazon Echo, putting Alexa in it.

Another fact is that Amazon made Alexa in the Amazon echo to tell drivers their directions to reach their destination.

*** Change “made” into “put.” Remove “their.”

Edited sentence: Another fact is that Amazon put Alexa in the Amazon Echo to tell drivers directions to reach their destination.

Also another thing is that Alexa can provide any type of information that people are going to need.

*** Try to avoid using the word “thing.” Instead, state what the thing is or describe it. Also try not to repeat “another fact” in multiple sentences, otherwise it becomes repetitive. This sentence can start with “Alexa” instead.

Edited sentence: Alexa can provide any type of information that people are going to need.

Also another fact is that Alexa can also entertain people by any type of way.

*** “Also” does not need to be repeated twice. Change “by” to “in.”

Edited sentence: Another fact is that Alexa can also entertain people in any type of way.

Last fact is that Alexa can also put in any type of background music that you are going to need.

*** Replace “put in” with “play.” Avoid using second person point of view — remove “you.” Use third person point of view instead. In this case, replace “you” with “people.”

Edited sentence: Alexa can also play any type of background music that people are going to need.

In conclusion this article is about the tech Alexa.

*** Write out “technology.”

Edited sentence: In conclusion this article is about the technology called Alexa.

*** Please create a title and include the source. Use only third person point of view for these article summaries. I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed, and it becomes repetitive.

Fully edited article:

This article is about the technology called Alexa. One fact is that Alexa has been used in phones and other technology but Amazon is taking a step further by making Amazon Echo, putting Alexa in it. Another fact is that Amazon put Alexa in the Amazon Echo to tell drivers directions to reach their destination. Alexa can provide any type of information that people are going to need. Another fact is that Alexa can also entertain people in any type of way. Alexa can also play any type of background music that people are going to need. In conclusion this article is about the technology called Alexa.

Edited by Penny Yagake





This article is about where to put the world's trash. One fact is that China bought all the trash starting at 1992.Another fact is that China imported 45% of USA's trash.Third fact is that the USA exports around 4000 shipping containers full of plastic everyday. Last fact is that China is the country that buys our garbage and makes use of it. In conclusion, the article is about where to put the world's trash since china isn't taking it anymore.


This article is about where to put the world's trash.

*** Good.

One fact is that China bought all the trash starting at 1992.

*** “at” should be “in.” I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed.

Edited sentence: China bought all the trash starting in 1992.

Another fact is that China imported 45% of USA's trash.

*** Add “the” before “USA’s.”

Edited sentence: Another fact is that China imported 45% of the USA’s trash.

Third fact is that the USA exports around 4000 shipping containers full of plastic everyday.

*** Good, but again, try to remove phrases such as “Third fact is.” “everyday” is an adjective, but in this sentence it should be two words — “every day.” Put a comma after 4 since this number is in the thousands.

Edited sentence: The USA exports around 4,000 shipping containers full of plastic every day.

Last fact is that China is the country that buys our garbage and makes use of it.

*** Good, but again, try to remove phrases such as “Last fact is.”

Edited sentence: China is the country that buys our garbage and makes use of it.

In conclusion, the article is about where to put the world's trash since china isn't taking it anymore.

*** Capitalize “China” because it is the name of a country.

Edited sentence: In conclusion, this article is about where to put the world’s trash since China isn’t taking it anymore.

*** Please create a title and include the source. Try to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed. Capitalize proper nouns such as the name of a country and make sure numbers in the thousands are punctuated correctly.

Fully edited article:

This article is about where to put the world's trash. China bought all the trash starting in 1992. Another fact is that China imported 45% of the USA’s trash. The USA exports around 4,000 shipping containers full of plastic every day. China is the country that buys our garbage and makes use of it. In conclusion, this article is about where to put the world’s trash since China isn’t taking it anymore.

Edited by Penny Yagake





This article is about what makes an animal endangered.One fact is that humans intervention is the most common way of animals being endangered.Second fact is that the article is getting details from the IUCN about the animal extinction.Third fact is that scientists found out that over 7000 species are in the endangered list. Fourth fact is that if animals get higher in the rankings then there inching close to be extinct.In conclusion this article is about what makes an endangered species in the list.


This article is about what makes an animal endangered.

*** Good.

One fact is that humans intervention is the most common way of animals being endangered.

*** “humans” does not need an “s.” I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed.

Edited sentence: Human intervention is the most common way animals become endangered.

Second fact is that the article is getting details from the IUCN about the animal extinction.

*** “the” before “animal extinction” is not needed. Since the source article is already published, “getting” should be written in past tense. Since the details are about animal extinction, I would move “about animal extinction” after “details.” I would also move this sentence before the last sentence since both discuss extinction.

Edited sentence: The article got details about animal extinction from the IUCN.

Third fact is that scientists found out that over 7000 species are in the endangered list.

*** Add a comma after 7 so that the number is written as 7,000.

Edited sentence: Scientists found out that over 7,000 species are in the endangered list.

Fourth fact is that if animals get higher in the rankings then there inching close to be extinct.

*** “there” should be spelled as “they’re.” “there” refers to a place. “they’re” is a shortened form of “they are.” The word “extinction” can be used instead of “be extinct.”

Edited sentence: If animals get higher in the rankings then they’re inching closer to extinction.

In conclusion this article is about what makes an endangered species in the list.

*** Use “puts” instead of “makes.”

Edited sentence: This article is about what puts an endangered species in the list.

*** Please create a title and include the source. Remember the difference between “there” and “they’re” — “there” refers to a place and “they’re” is a shortened form of “they are.” Again, I encourage you to try writing these sentences without phrases such as “one fact is” and go straight to the fact.

Fully edited article:

This article is about what makes an animal endangered. Human intervention is the most common way animals become endangered. Scientists found out that over 7,000 species are in the endangered list. If animals get higher in the rankings then they’re inching closer to extinction. The article got details about animal extinction from the IUCN. This article is about what puts an endangered species in the list.

Edited by Penny Yagake





This article is about how the pizza became popular in the U.S. One fact is that Americans love pizza so much that they eat 100 acres a day. Second fact is that the reason reason why pizza is so famous is because there are so many italion immigrants coming to the U.S. Third fact is that pizza is found around 600 BCE. Fourth fact is that 100 acres is 350 slices of pizza per second. In conclusion thats why pizza became so popular in the U.S. This article is about how the pizza became popular in the U.S.

      • Good. 
One fact is that Americans love pizza so much that they eat 100 acres a day.
      • This sentence is okay, but I would still encourage you to avoid using phrases like “One fact is” because it’s not needed.

Edited sentence: Americans love pizza so much that they eat 100 acres of it a day. 

Second fact is that the reason reason why pizza is so famous is because there are so many italion immigrants coming to the U.S.
      • Again, avoid using phrases like “second fact is” because it’s unnecessary here. “reason” does not have to be repeated twice. “italion” should be spelled as “Italian” and it should be capitalized because it is a proper noun.

Edited sentence: Another reason why pizza is so famous is because there are so many Italian immigrants in the U.S. 

Third fact is that pizza is found around 600 BCE.
      • 600 BCE is in the past so this sentence should be in past tense. “is” should be replaced by “was.”

Edited sentence: Pizza was found around 600 BCE. 

Fourth fact is that 100 acres is 350 slices of pizza per second.
      • “equals” would be a more accurate word to use than “is.” Since I moved “100 acres” to the beginning of the sentence, “100” would be spelled out as “one hundred.” I would move this sentence after the second sentence since this sentence adds more information to the second sentence.

Edited sentence: One hundred acres a day equals 350 slices of pizza per second. 

In conclusion thats why pizza became so popular in the U.S.
      • “thats” should be written as “that’s.” “that’s” is the shortened form of “that is.”

Edited sentence: In conclusion, that’s why pizza became so popular in the U.S.

      • Again, I encourage you to try writing these sentences without phrases such as “one fact is” and go straight to the fact. Make sure proper nouns are capitalized and spelled correctly. Also make sure the tense of each sentence is consistent and correct. Watch out for words that are repeated unnecessarily.

Fully edited article:

This article is about how the pizza became popular in the U.S. Americans love pizza so much that they eat 100 acres of it a day. One hundred acres a day equals 350 slices of pizza per second. Another reason why pizza is so famous is because there are so many Italian immigrants in the U.S. Pizza was found around 600 BCE. In conclusion, that’s why pizza became so popular in the U.S.

Original article:

This article is about how the pizza became popular in the U.S. One fact is that Americans love pizza so much that they eat 100 acres a day. Second fact is that the reason reason why pizza is so famous is because there are so many italion immigrants coming to the U.S. Third fact is that pizza is found around 600 BCE. Fourth fact is that 100 acres is 350 slices of pizza per second. In conclusion thats why pizza became so popular in the U.S.

Edited by Penny Yagake





The article is about how the ocean is salty. One fact is that its talking about facts that tell us why that this is happening. Second fact is that salt water could be caused by volcanic activity. Third fact is that salt water can be also caused by rains from the sky. Last fact is that rain accumulates carbon dioxide from the atmosphere above.In conclusion, that's how and why the ocean is so salty.

The article is about how the ocean is salty.

      • You can go directly into the article without using phrases such as “The article is about.” Or write the title of the article.

Edited sentence: This article is about how the ocean became salty. 

One fact is that its talking about facts that tell us why that this is happening.
      • I removed “one fact” to avoid making the sentence sound repetitive. “its” could mean either the ocean or the article. In this case, I would replace “its” with the article to make it clearer. Avoid using first person point of view (“us”).

Edited sentence: The article talks about facts that explain why this is happening. 

Second fact is that salt water could be caused by volcanic activity.
      • I would remove “second fact is” because it’s not needed. Other than that, this sentence is good.

Edited sentence: Salt water could be caused by volcanic activity. 

Third fact is that salt water can be also caused by rains from the sky.
      • “can be also” should be written as “could also be.” The “s” after “rain” is not needed.

Edited sentence: Salt water could also be caused by rain from the sky. 

Last fact is that rain accumulates carbon dioxide from the atmosphere above.
      • I would remove “last fact is.” Other than that, this sentence is good, although you could explain how this makes the ocean salty.

Edited sentence: Rain accumulates carbon dioxide from the atmosphere above.

In conclusion, that's how and why the ocean is so salty.

      • Please remember to include a title and the source. Try writing these sentences without using phrases like “the article is about,” otherwise this becomes repetitive when used in all the articles.


Fully edited article:

This article is about how the ocean became salty. The article talks about facts that explain why this is happening. Salt water could be caused by volcanic activity. Salt water could also be caused by rain from the sky. Rain accumulates carbon dioxide from the atmosphere above. In conclusion, that's how and why the ocean is so salty.

Original article:

The article is about how the ocean is salty. One fact is that its talking about facts that tell us why that this is happening. Second fact is that salt water could be caused by volcanic activity. Third fact is that salt water can be also caused by rains from the sky. Last fact is that rain accumulates carbon dioxide from the atmosphere above.In conclusion, that's how and why the ocean is so salty.

Edited by Penny Yagake





This article is about how a parasite can cause you to have a seizure. One fact is that a tapeworm larvae can travel to your brain and make you hear cysts sounds. Second fact is that doctors are releasing guidelines to not let the virus get to their brains. Third fact is that doctors re trying why they can to not let the virus spread. Last fact is that doctors can also damage your brain so,so much.In conclusion, that's why a parasite could cause a seizure.

This article is about how a parasite can cause you to have a seizure.

      • You can introduce the name of the parasite in the first sentence to tell the reader exactly which parasite this article is about. “you” indicates that this article is written from the second person point of view. But since this article is about more than one person, the third person point of view would work better here.

Edited sentence: Tapeworm larvae can cause people to have a seizure. 

One fact is that a tapeworm larvae can travel to your brain and make you hear cysts sounds.
      • I have not seen a source that says people can hear cysts.

Edited sentence: Tapeworm larvae can travel to the brain and cause cysts to form. 

Second fact is that doctors are releasing guidelines to not let the virus get to their brains.

Edited sentence: Doctors are releasing guidelines to treat these cysts which form a condition known as “neurocysticercosis.”

Third fact is that doctors re trying why they can to not let the virus spread.

      • This sentence is unclear. What are the doctors trying to do?

Edited sentence: Doctors are doing what they can to prevent this condition from spreading. 

Last fact is that doctors can also damage your brain so,so much.
      • Where is this information from? However, I do see that the condition caused by tapeworm larvae can severely damage the brain.

Edited sentence: Neurocysticercosis can cause severe damage to the brain.

In conclusion, that's why a parasite could cause a seizure.

      • The ideas in this article need to be connected to explain why tapeworms can cause seizures.

Edited sentence: The cysts formed by the tapeworm larvae cause seizures.

      • You must include the source and create a title for your article. A parasite can carry a virus, but a parasite is not the same as a virus. Make sure that the terms and the information are used consistently through the article to avoid confusing the reader. Additionally, make sure that the facts are accurate. The name of the condition is important in the article, so it should be included. In the concluding sentence, avoid repeating information that has already been stated.


Fully edited article:

Tapeworm larvae can cause people to have a seizure. Tapeworm larvae can travel to the brain and cause cysts to form. Doctors are releasing guidelines to treat these cysts which form a condition known as “neurocysticercosis.” Doctors are doing what they can to prevent this condition from spreading. Neurocysticercosis can cause severe damage to the brain. The cysts formed by the tapeworm larvae cause seizures.

Original article:

This article is about how a parasite can cause you to have a seizure. One fact is that a tapeworm larvae can travel to your brain and make you hear cysts sounds. Second fact is that doctors are releasing guidelines to not let the virus get to their brains. Third fact is that doctors re trying why they can to not let the virus spread. Last fact is that doctors can also damage your brain so,so much.In conclusion, that's why a parasite could cause a seizure.

Edited by Penny Yagake





This article is about if the camels store water in their humps.One fact is that camels don't actually store water in their humps. Second fact is that camels actually store fatty issue in theirs humps.Third fact is that its because camels live in the desert where their isn't that much food supplies.Fourth fact is that the camels use their humps when they need extra food.In conclusion is that, that's why camels don't actually store water in their humps.

This article is about if the camels store water in their humps.

      • The article does not necessarily need opening phrases such as “This article is about” or “One fact is.” You can go directly into the information that you are discussing.

Edited sentence: People often wonder if camels store water in their humps.

One fact is that camels don't actually store water in their humps.

      • I edited this sentence to connect it more with the first sentence.

Edited sentence: They may be surprised to learn that camels do not actually store water in their humps.

Second fact is that camels actually store fatty issue in theirs humps.

      • “theirs” does not need an “s.” “issue” should be “tissue.”

Edited sentence: Camels actually store fatty tissue in their humps.

Third fact is that its because camels live in the desert where their isn't that much food supplies.

      • “their” refers to a person whereas “there” refers to a place. In this case, since you are referring to the desert, it should be followed by “there.” “supplies” is not needed.

Edited sentence: This is because camels live in the desert where there is not much food around.

Fourth fact is that the camels use their humps when they need extra food.

      • This sentence can explain more about how a camel’s hump provides “extra food.” I also moved this sentence after the third sentence because this sentence continues to explain why camels store fat in their humps.

Edited sentence: Camels use the fat in their humps when they need extra food.

In conclusion is that, that's why camels don't actually store water in their humps.

      • Rather than repeat the second sentence, you can summarize the facts in the article or state the importance of this extra source of food.

Edited sentence: The fat in camels’ humps allows them to travel through the desert for long periods of time.

Additionally, put a space after the period at the end of each sentence. I repeat that the sentences do not necessarily need opening phrases such as “This article is about” because otherwise it becomes repetitive when used continuously in other articles. You can go directly into the information that you are discussing. You can see examples of this in the articles on the main page of goodtoknow.com.


Fully edited article:

People often wonder if camels store water in their humps. They may be surprised to learn that camels do not actually store water in their humps. Camels actually store fatty tissue in their humps. Camels use the fat in their humps when they need extra food. This is because camels live in the desert where there is not much food around. The fat in camels’ humps allows them to travel through the desert for long periods of time.

Original article:

This article is about if the camels store water in their humps.One fact is that camels don't actually store water in their humps. Second fact is that camels actually store fatty issue in theirs humps.Third fact is that its because camels live in the desert where their isn't that much food supplies.Fourth fact is that the camels use their humps when they need extra food.In conclusion is that, that's why camels don't actually store water in their humps.

Edited by Penny Yagake





This article is about is how Hawaii's erupting volcano makes it rain green gems.One fact is that its raining olivine crystals.Second fact is that the olivine crystals are a type of common minerals.Third fact is that the crystal is carried along with volcano.Fourth fact is that the olivine crystals are very small type of gems.In conclusion Hawaii's erupting volcano causes to rain green gems.

This article is about is how Hawaii's erupting volcano makes it rain green gems.

      • Remember to include a title for your article. I removed “This article is about is how” because it is not needed — the reader would already know that you are talking about the article. “it” also does not need to be used in this sentence. There are multiple volcanoes in Hawaii, so you need to tell the reader which volcano is identified in the source.

Edited sentence: Hawaii’s erupting volcano rains green gems.

One fact is that its raining olivine crystals.

      • I removed “One fact is” because it is not needed. The word “its” is unclear — telling the reader what “its” is exactly would help the reader understand the article more. I also added “These gems” to connect this sentence to the first sentence.

Edited sentence: These gems are called olivine crystals.

Second fact is that the olivine crystals are a type of common minerals.

      • I removed “Second fact is” because it is not needed. “minerals” does not need an “s” at the end because this sentence is referring to one type of common mineral.

Edited sentence: Olivine crystals are a type of common mineral.

Third fact is that the crystal is carried along with volcano.

      • I removed “Third fact is” because it is not needed. There are many crystals being mentioned here, so “crystal” should have an “s.” Since “crystals” is a plural subject, it needs to be followed by a plural verb — “are.” More information should be included to explain how the crystals are being carried along.

Edited sentence: These crystals are carried along within the volcano.

Fourth fact is that the olivine crystals are very small type of gems.

      • I removed “Fourth fact is” because it is not needed. I added an “a” after “are” and removed the “s” after “gem” because only one type of gem is being discussed in this sentence. I also moved this sentence after the third sentence because both sentences describe features of the crystals. I also changed “gem” to "mineral" to connect this sentence with the third sentence.

Edited sentence: They are a very small type of mineral.

In conclusion Hawaii's erupting volcano causes to rain green gems.

      • I removed “In conclusion” because it is not needed. I edited this sentence so that it is not repeating information from previous sentences. This sentence is also incomplete. What is being caused to rain green gems? Since the gems have already been identified as “olivine crystals,” I changed “green gems” to “olivine crystals.” I added “Then” to connect this sentence with the previous sentence, as can be seen in the fully edited article below.

Edited sentence: Then the eruption pushes the olivine crystals out of the volcano.

      • You must provide the source of the article otherwise the reader will not know where this information is from. Credit needs to be given to the source. Avoid repeating information that has already been stated in the article. Instead, try to introduce new facts in each sentence. The concluding sentence can summarize the article, but it should not repeat exactly what has already been written.

Fully edited article:

Hawaii’s erupting volcano rains green gems. These gems are called olivine crystals. Olivine crystals are a type of common mineral. They are a very small type of mineral. These crystals are carried along within the volcano. Then the eruption pushes the olivine crystals out of the volcano.

Original article:

This article is about is how Hawaii's erupting volcano makes it rain green gems.One fact is that its raining olivine crystals.Second fact is that the olivine crystals are a type of common minerals.Third fact is that the crystal is carried along with volcano.Fourth fact is that the olivine crystals are very small type of gems.In conclusion Hawaii's erupting volcano causes to rain green gems.

Edited by Penny Yagake





This article is about how china is fighting drones.One fact is that they are trying to make an anti-drone weapon to stop them.Second fact is that chins is also making robots to stop the drones.Third fact is that chins is also selling truck-mounted laser cannons to also stop these drones from attacking. Last fact is that drones are also trespassing where they live and that's why china is fighting the drones that are attacking.In conclusion, this is how china is fighting and protecting from drones.

This article is about how china is fighting drones.

      • Remember to include a title for your article. Make sure there is a space between sentences. “China” should be capitalized because it is the name of a country. There is no need to write “This article is about how.” Include more information. This first sentence should explain why China is fighting these drones. Where are they coming from?

Edited sentence: China is fighting drones.

One fact is that they are trying to make an anti-drone weapon to stop them.

      • There is no need to write “One fact is.” I would also combine this sentence with the third sentence.

Edited sentence: They are making an anti-drone weapon to stop them.

Second fact is that chins is also making robots to stop the drones.

      • There is no need to write “Second fact is.” Make sure “China” is written correctly.

Edited sentence: China is also making robots for the same purpose.

Third fact is that chins is also selling truck-mounted laser cannons to also stop these drones from attacking.

      • There is no need to write “Third fact is.” Make sure “China” is written correctly. The second “also” is not needed.

Edited sentence: China is also selling truck-mounted laser cannons to stop these drones from attacking.

Last fact is that drones are also trespassing where they live and that's why china is fighting the drones that are attacking.

      • Rather than putting this information towards the end of the article, this information would be better used as the first sentence to introduce the article. There is no need to write “Last fact is.” Since “also” is used many times in previous sentences, I would remove the “also” in this sentence to avoid sounding repetitive. Identify who “they” is.

Edited sentence: These drones are trespassing the country.

In conclusion, this is how china is fighting and protecting from drones.

      • There is no need to write “In conclusion.” State who is being protected from the drones. In the conclusion, summarize why China is fighting these drones.

Edited sentence: This is why China is fighting the drones.

      • You must include the source of the article otherwise the reader will not know where this information is from. I need to be able to check the source as well to make suggestions for editing your article. Information taken directly from a source without crediting the source is considered plagiarism.

Fully edited article:

China is fighting drones. They are making an anti-drone weapon to stop them. China is also making robots for the same purpose. China is also selling truck-mounted laser cannons to stop these drones from attacking. These drones are trespassing the country. This is why China is fighting the drones.

Original article:

This article is about how china is fighting drones.One fact is that they are trying to make an anti-drone weapon to stop them.Second fact is that chins is also making robots to stop the drones.Third fact is that chins is also selling truck-mounted laser cannons to also stop these drones from attacking. Last fact is that drones are also trespassing where they live and that's why china is fighting the drones that are attacking.In conclusion, this is how china is fighting and protecting from drones.

Edited by Penny Yagake





This article is about how there is food and water shortages.One fact is that people think that this is happening because of nature.Another fact is that Africa is facing theses type of shortages all the time.Third fact is that scientists think that this will happen in the next 30 years or it has been happening for 30 years.Last fact is that everyone one should be impacted by 2050 by the food and water shortages.In conclusion you could see that food and water shortages is the main topic of this article. SOURCE:NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC


This article is about how there is food and water shortages.

*** Remove “how there is.”

Edited sentence: This article is about food and water shortages.

One fact is that people think that this is happening because of nature.

*** This sentence can start with “People think that…” Change “this is” to “these are.”

Edited sentence: People think that these are happening because of nature.

Another fact is that Africa is facing theses type of shortages all the time.

*** Remove the “s” at the end of “theses” and add a “s” at the end of “type.”

Edited sentence: Africa is facing these types of shortages all the time.

Third fact is that scientists think that this will happen in the next 30 years or it has been happening for 30 years.

*** If this information is from this article, https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/billions-face-water-food-insecurity/, then it would be more accurate for this sentence to say that food and water shortages will happen in the next 30 years. “it has been happening for 30 years” can be removed, otherwise the sentence is unclear.

Edited sentence: Scientists think that this will happen in the next 30 years.

Last fact is that everyone one should be impacted by 2050 by the food and water shortages.

*** Remove “one.” Change “should” to “could.” Move “by 2050” to the end of the sentence.

Edited sentence: Everyone could be impacted by food and water shortages by 2050.

In conclusion you could see that food and water shortages is the main topic of this article.

*** Avoid second person point of view and use third person point of view only - remove “you could see that.” Change “is” to “are” since two shortages are discussed here.

Edited sentence: In conclusion food and water shortages are the main topics of this article.

SOURCE:NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC

*** Include the full URL

Edited source: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/billions-face-water-food-insecurity/

*** Create a title and include the source. Make sure there is a space between sentences. Avoid second person point of view and use third person point of view only. Make sure references to a plural subject stay consistent — “food and water shortages” are two types of shortages, so they should be paired with plural verbs such as “are.”

Fully edited article:

This article is about food and water shortages. People think that these are happening because of nature. Africa is facing these types of shortages all the time. Scientists think that this will happen in the next 30 years. Everyone could be impacted by food and water shortages by 2050. In conclusion food and water shortages are the main topics of this article.

Source: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/10/billions-face-water-food-insecurity/

Edited by Penny Yagake