The World for Freedom

Revision as of 21:17, 2 May 2020

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Tree was of the most kind in the storyis the burdock tree.

One thing is "And all this magnificence is food for snails—the great white snails, which grand people in olden times used to have dished up as fricassees, and of which, when they had eaten, they would say, "H'm, how nice!" for they really fancied them delicious." and" These snails lived on burdock leaves, and that was why burdock was planted." Another thing is "Now there was an old estate where snails were no longer considered a delicacy." Also " The snails had therefore died out, but the burdock still flourished. In all the alleys and in all the beds it had grown and grown, so that it could no longer be checked; the place had become a perfect forest of burdock." Therefore the burdock tree was of the most kind in the story.

The difference between the buckwheat and the willow-tree. One thing is "Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still." Another thing is "Very often, after a violent thunder-storm, a field of buckwheat appears blackened and singed, as if a flame of fire had passed over it. The country people say that this appearance is caused by lightning; but I will tell you what the sparrow says, and the sparrow heard it from an old willow-tree which grew near a field of buckwheat, and is there still." And" It is a large venerable tree, though a little crippled by age." Therefore that is the difference between the buckwheat and the willow-tree.

Original: Youngest princess the most pleasure of all things One thing is "All the livelong day they used to play in the palace in the great halls, where living flowers grew out of the walls. When the great amber windows were thrown open the fish swam in, just as the swallows fly into our rooms when we open the windows, but the fish swam right up to the little princesses, ate out of their hands, and allowed themselves to be patted." Another thing is "Outside the palace was a large garden, with fiery red and deep blue trees, the fruit of which shone like gold, while the flowers glowed like fire on their ceaselessly waving stalks. The ground was of the finest sand, but it was of a blue phosphorescent tint. Everything was bathed in a wondrous blue light down there; you might more readily have supposed yourself to be high up in the air, with only the sky above and below you, than that you were at the bottom of the ocean." Also" In a dead calm you could just catch a glimpse of the sun like a purple flower with a stream of light radiating from its calyx." Therefore that what gave the youngest princess the most pleasure of all things

Edited version:

Youngest princess the most pleasure of all things

Original:

Boston Dynamics' robot assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic. One thing that it said is "“Starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19,” the company writes in a blog post." Another thing is “One of the hospitals that we spoke to shared that, within a week, a sixth of their staff had contracted COVID-19 and that they were looking into using robots to take more of their staff out of range of the novel virus.” Therefore Boston Dynamics' robot assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.

Corrections:

Boston Dynamics' robot assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.

• • • Change to: Boston Dynamics' robot assists during the COVID-19 pandemic.

One thing that it said is "“Starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19,” the company writes in a blog post."

• • • Remove the extra set of quotes. According to the article, Boston Dynamics wrote in a blog post: "Starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19."

Another thing is “One of the hospitals that we spoke to shared that, within a week, a sixth of their staff had contracted COVID-19 and that they were looking into using robots to take more of their staff out of range of the novel virus.”

• • • Change "Another thing is" to "As stated in the article..." Using "another thing is" sounds choppy and list-like. Your summary is supposed to "sum" up the article, not quote it. Try using less quotes next time, as the purpose of this is to see how you interpreted the article.

Therefore Boston Dynamics' robot assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.

• • • Remove the space prior to this sentence. This sentence is repetitive and unnecessary. The word "assisting" doesn't quite work here. You need to use a verb before "assisting." Writing "is assisting" would work a lot better.

• • • Summaries need to be six sentences and yours is only four. You should also include a link at the bottom.

Fully Edited Version:

Boston Dynamics' robot assists during the COVID-19 Pandemic.

According to the article, Boston Dynamics wrote in a blog post: "Starting in early March, Boston Dynamics started receiving inquiries from hospitals asking if our robots could help minimize their staff’s exposure to COVID-19." As stated in the article: “One of the hospitals that we spoke to shared that, within a week, a sixth of their staff had contracted COVID-19 and that they were looking into using robots to take more of their staff out of range of the novel virus.” Therefore Boston Dynamics' robot is assisting during the COVID-19 Pandemic.

• • • Good job! There are a lot of easy fixes that can be made to your summary, such as including the link to the article and adhering to the guidelines that say articles should be six lines. I would also recommend using less quotes, so we can hear your voice more! Overall, you need to work on double-checking your work, making sure each sentence makes sense, and following the guidelines. This is a fascinating topic! Keep writing!

What your brain does when you sleep.

One thing is "The latest research follows up on a 2013 study, which found a dramatic increase in the flow of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) in the brains of rats and baboons during sleep." Another thing is" The fluid helped wash away harmful waste proteins accumulated in their brain cells during the day."

Also " The process acts a bit "like a dishwasher," said Dr. Maiken Nedergard, a neuroscientist at the University of Rochester who led the 2013 effort."

Therefore this happens to your brain when you sleeps.

You help improve the earth. One thing is " But instead of turning to the trash bin, you could turn these items into an awesome telescope or a flower planter. Before you throw something away, think about whether it can be recycled or repurposed." Another thing is "You can also limit waste by reducing the amount of things you buy."

And " For example, check the library for that book you have to read before visiting the store."

Therefore you help improve the earth.

Boys helping the Seniors.

One thing is that it said " The two sophomores from Montgomery Blair High School in Silver Spring, Maryland have devised a way for Marylanders to get together and protect their grandparents and loved ones who have health conditions, by delivering the groceries and necessary supplies they need." Another thing is "Concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it home to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found Teens Helping Seniors." Therefore boys helping the Seniors.

One of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated. One thing is "Earth Day, which is celebrated annually on April 22, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection." Anther thing is " These include planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs." Therefore one of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated.

One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is that he  expanded his mission.

One thing it said was "1 in 5 kids in his state were at risk for hunger — including some of his classmates." Another tning it said was ", he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree." Therefore one of one of the accomplishments that William has achieved was expanded his mission.

Graduation ceremony from other graduation ceremonies are defferent. one thing is that it said" Over the years, the androids have been deployed to work in banks, run hotels, and even serve as personal assistants to the elderly. Now, in what is being hailed as an "industry first." Another thing is that it said "Professor Shugo Yanaka, Dean of Global Business Administration at Business Breakthrough University (BBT), came up with the brilliant idea after the coronavirus pandemic forced them to rethink the in-person spring graduation ceremony." Therefore graduation ceremony from other graduation ceremonies are different.

Original

Some people who enter the program to become astronauts can not be astronauts because many challenging parts to the astronaut training. One deatil is that it saidSince the 1960s, only 350 men and women have been chosen for NASA’s astronaut training. Another deatil is that

it said In 2017, over 18,000 people applied. Therefore some people who enter the program to become astornots can not be astornauts.

Corrections:

Some people who enter the program to become astronauts can not be astronauts because many challenging parts to the astronaut training.

• • • There are some grammar issues in this sentence. Change it to: "Some of the astronauts who enter the program do not end up becoming astronauts due to the numerous challenges in the astronaut training."

One detail is that it saidSince the 1960s, only 350 men and women have been chosen for NASA’s astronaut training.'

• • • You do not need to quote the article directly. Put the facts into your own words. An example of this could be: NASA has only selected 350 men and women for their astronaut training since the 1960's."

Another deatil is that it said In 2017, over 18,000 people applied.

• • • Like above, there is no need to quote the article. Over 2,000 people applied to NASA's astronaut training program in 2017.

Therefore some people who enter the program to become astornots can not be astornauts.

• • • This concluding sentence isn't completely neccesary. Both uses of "astronaut" are incorrect.

• • • Your paragraph does not have a title, it does not meet the six sentence guideline, and you didn't include a link.

Fully Edited Version:

Some of the astronauts who enter the program do not end up becoming astronauts due to the numerous challenges in the astronaut training. NASA has only selected 350 men and women for their astronaut training since the 1960's. Over 2,000 people applied to NASA's astronaut training program in 2017. Therefore some people who enter the program to become astronauts can not be astronauts. Original:

The Mayor and Governor have different opinions. Mayor says " a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person instruction has been canceled to curb the coronavirus pandemic". Govern says"1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled end of the school year. Such a move needs to be coordinated across the metro area.Therefore the Mayor and Governor have different opinions.

Corrections:

• • • Where is your title? Not including a title makes it very difficult to understand what your summary is about.

The Mayor and Governor have different opinions.

• • • Different opinions on what? This is a general statement. Try changing this to: "The mayor and the governor have different opinions on

Original:

Birds are migrating because it gets cold and they have to go to be warm. One thing is that it said During the spring, the males have on their beautiful pumage to attract mates. Another thig is that it said During the fall the timespan is much broader, since birds typically start leaving once the temperature drops and the there's a lack of food. Therefore birds are migrating because it gets cold and they have to be warm.

Corrections:

Birds are migrating because it gets cold and they have to go to be warm.

• • • This title itself is a summary. Let's try switching it to: "Why Birds Migrate". If you summarize the article in the title, the reader has less desire to read your work, which is worth reading!

One thing is that it said During the spring, the males have on their beautiful pumage to attract mates.

• • • This is supposed to be a short summary, not restating the author's words. Try using your own! Change this sentence to: In the spring, males attract their mates with the help of their beautiful plumage.
    • Plumage is spelled wrong here.

Another thig is that it said During the fall the time span is much broader, since birds typically start leaving once the temperature drops and the there's a lack of food.

• • • You have two typos here: "thig" should be changed to "thing" and "timespan" is two words, not one.
    • This summary should be in your own words. Instead of using a direct quote, sum up the quote yourself. You didn't include the article link, so I, unfortunately can't read the article and can't reword it. Reword this sentence to: "The article states: "The time span is much broader during the fall since birds typically start leaving when the temperature drops and there is a lack of food."

Therefore birds are migrating because it gets cold and they have to be warm.

• • • Ending a paragraph with "therefore" is pretty formulaic. You also already said this in your title. I can't access the article, so I can't, unfortunately, rewrite this one, either. However, you could try saying: "As evident in the article, birds migrate because it gets cold and they have to be warm."

• • • Most importantly, your paragraph is only three sentences instead of the required six.

Fully Edited Version

Why Birds Migrate

In the spring, males attract their mates with the help of their beautiful plumage. The article states: "The time span is much broader during the fall since birds typically start leaving when the temperature drops and there is a lack of food. As evident in the article, birds migrate because it gets cold and they have to be warm.

• • • Good job on this one. It is an interesting topic, though your summary was difficult to understand at times. Most importantly, you need to work on making sure your summary is six sentences long and that you include a link. There were a few typos, and only the last sentence was completely in your own words, since you used quotes for two out of three sentences. Your voice should be heard instead of the author's. Overall, good job and keep writing!