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The snails acting like humans because the white snails adopted a common snail. This is because the white snails are old and don't have a child of there own. Also the white snails are the last of there kind in the place they are living in. Humans also adopt children. | The snails acting like humans because the white snails adopted a common snail. This is because the white snails are old and don't have a child of there own. Also the white snails are the last of there kind in the place they are living in. Humans also adopt children. | ||
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| + | The snails acting like humans because the white snails adopted a common snail. | ||
| + | ***Edited for grammar, fluidity, and clarity: The white snails act like humans because they adopted a common snail. | ||
| + | ***First specify that the snails are "white snails." Replace "acting" with "act" (either use "are acting" or "act). | ||
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| + | <br>This is because the white snails are old and don't have a child of there own. | ||
| + | ***Edited for spelling: This is because the white snails are old and don't have a child of their own. | ||
| + | ***Used the wrong "there/their." It should be possessive ("their"). | ||
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| + | <br>Also the white snails are the last of there kind in the place they are living in. | ||
| + | ***Edited for spelling and comma: Also, the white snails are the last of their kind in the place they are living in. | ||
| + | ***Again, misspelled "their." Comma after "also." | ||
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| + | <br>Humans also adopt children. | ||
| + | ***Edited for clarity: Similar to snails, humans also adopt children. | ||
| + | ***This sentence by itself seems a bit bland and random. You want to connect it with the previous sentences. | ||
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| + | '''Final Edited Version: | ||
| + | The white snails act like humans because they adopted a common snail. This is because the white snails are old and don't have a child of their own. Also, the white snails are the last of their kind in the place they are living in. Similar to snails, humans also adopt children. | ||
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| + | ***Overall, good job. Please work on differentiating "there" and "their." | ||
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| + | Edited by Ashley Leung | ||
Revision as of 05:52, 1 May 2020
Meku's Writing Page
The snails acting like humans because the white snails adopted a common snail. This is because the white snails are old and don't have a child of there own. Also the white snails are the last of there kind in the place they are living in. Humans also adopt children.
The snails acting like humans because the white snails adopted a common snail.
- Edited for grammar, fluidity, and clarity: The white snails act like humans because they adopted a common snail.
- First specify that the snails are "white snails." Replace "acting" with "act" (either use "are acting" or "act).
This is because the white snails are old and don't have a child of there own.
- Edited for spelling: This is because the white snails are old and don't have a child of their own.
- Used the wrong "there/their." It should be possessive ("their").
Also the white snails are the last of there kind in the place they are living in.
- Edited for spelling and comma: Also, the white snails are the last of their kind in the place they are living in.
- Again, misspelled "their." Comma after "also."
Humans also adopt children.
- Edited for clarity: Similar to snails, humans also adopt children.
- This sentence by itself seems a bit bland and random. You want to connect it with the previous sentences.
Final Edited Version:
The white snails act like humans because they adopted a common snail. This is because the white snails are old and don't have a child of their own. Also, the white snails are the last of their kind in the place they are living in. Similar to snails, humans also adopt children.
- Overall, good job. Please work on differentiating "there" and "their."
Edited by Ashley Leung
