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This is what happens to your brain when you sleep. When you sleep it allows the body to repair and restore cells. According to the text,"sleeping gets rid of irrelevant memories and helps get kids grow taller and obtain better grades."This shows what happens to your brain when you sleep. | This is what happens to your brain when you sleep. When you sleep it allows the body to repair and restore cells. According to the text,"sleeping gets rid of irrelevant memories and helps get kids grow taller and obtain better grades."This shows what happens to your brain when you sleep. | ||
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| + | This is what happens to your brain when you sleep. When you sleep it allows the body to repair and restore cells. | ||
| + | ***Edited for clarity and fluidity: Sleeping allows your body to repair and restore cells, especially in the brain. | ||
| + | ***The first sentence is kind of unnecessary because you don't say what happens to the brain in the second sentence (you say what happens to the entire body). You can just combine these two sentences. | ||
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| + | <br>According to the text,"sleeping gets rid of irrelevant memories and helps get kids grow taller and obtain better grades." | ||
| + | ***Edited for quotation mark spacing and capitalization: According to the text, "Sleeping gets rid of irrelevant memories and helps get kids grow taller and obtain better grades." | ||
| + | ***Add a space between the comma and the quotation mark. Capitalize the first word of the quote. | ||
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| + | <br>This shows what happens to your brain when you sleep. | ||
| + | ***Okay, but could be more descriptive. | ||
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| + | '''Final Edited Version: | ||
| + | Sleeping allows your body to repair and restore cells, especially in the brain. According to the text, "Sleeping gets rid of irrelevant memories and helps get kids grow taller and obtain better grades." This shows what happens to your brain when you sleep. | ||
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| + | ***Please work on your quotation mark spacing and try to add more details to your sentences. | ||
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| + | Edited by Ashley Leung | ||
Revision as of 05:04, 25 April 2020
Pala's Writing Page
This is what happens to your brain when you sleep. When you sleep it allows the body to repair and restore cells. According to the text,"sleeping gets rid of irrelevant memories and helps get kids grow taller and obtain better grades."This shows what happens to your brain when you sleep.
This is what happens to your brain when you sleep. When you sleep it allows the body to repair and restore cells.
- Edited for clarity and fluidity: Sleeping allows your body to repair and restore cells, especially in the brain.
- The first sentence is kind of unnecessary because you don't say what happens to the brain in the second sentence (you say what happens to the entire body). You can just combine these two sentences.
According to the text,"sleeping gets rid of irrelevant memories and helps get kids grow taller and obtain better grades."
- Edited for quotation mark spacing and capitalization: According to the text, "Sleeping gets rid of irrelevant memories and helps get kids grow taller and obtain better grades."
- Add a space between the comma and the quotation mark. Capitalize the first word of the quote.
This shows what happens to your brain when you sleep.
- Okay, but could be more descriptive.
Final Edited Version:
Sleeping allows your body to repair and restore cells, especially in the brain. According to the text, "Sleeping gets rid of irrelevant memories and helps get kids grow taller and obtain better grades." This shows what happens to your brain when you sleep.
- Please work on your quotation mark spacing and try to add more details to your sentences.
Edited by Ashley Leung
