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| | Pala's Writing Page | | Pala's Writing Page |
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| − | These are two teen boys that are helping the seniors. The two teen boys are helping the seniors by giving them groceries and supplies. According to the text," they will help the one who has health conditions and no supplies." In addition," there was a retired grandfather that has been sheltering at home due to the Coronavirus outbreak, unable to shop for himself while the two teen boys gave him all the supplies and groceries he will need. This is how the two teen boys are helping seniors and people.
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| − | | + | This is how I can improve the earth. I can improve the earth by recycling or repurposing. According to the text," before you throw something away you can make it into something creative." This shows how anyone can improve the earth. |
| − | These are two teen boys that are helping the seniors. The two teen boys are helping the seniors by giving them groceries and supplies.
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| − | ***Edited for fluidity: There are two teen boys who are helping the seniors by giving them groceries and supplies.
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| − | ***You can condense these two sentences into one. Also, it should be "boys who," not "boys that" because "boys" are people (who).
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| − | <br>According to the text," they will help the one who has health conditions and no supplies."
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| − | ***Edited for quotation spacing and capitalization: According to the text, "They will help the one who has health conditions and no supplies."
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| − | ***Correct the spacing between the quotation mark. Capitalize the first word after the quotation mark.
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| − | <br>In addition," there was a retired grandfather that has been sheltering at home due to the Coronavirus outbreak, unable to shop for himself while the two teen boys gave him all the supplies and groceries he will need.
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| − | ***Edited for quotation spacing and capitalization: In addition, "there was a retired grandfather that has been sheltering at home due to the coronavirus outbreak, unable to shop for himself while the two teen boys gave him all the supplies and groceries he will need."
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| − | ***Correct the spacing between the quotation mark. "Coronavirus" doesn't need to be capitalized in the middle of the sentence.
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| − | <br>This is how the two teen boys are helping seniors and people.
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| − | ***Edited for clarity: This is how the two teen boys are helping seniors.
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| − | ***Since you didn't mention them helping other people, just write "seniors."
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| − | '''Final Edited Version:
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| − | There are two teen boys who are helping the seniors by giving them groceries and supplies. According to the text, "They will help the one who has health conditions and no supplies." In addition, "there was a retired grandfather that has been sheltering at home due to the coronavirus outbreak, unable to shop for himself while the two teen boys gave him all the supplies and groceries he will need." This is how the two teen boys are helping seniors.
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| − | ***Please work on your quotation mark spacing and try not to use too much quotation in your paragraph.
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