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| | '''Meku's Writing Page''' | | '''Meku's Writing Page''' |
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| − | If a person wanted to become an astronaut they would need to have a master's degree in STEM. They also would need work experience especially in flying jets. This year 12,000 people signed up to be an astronaut. 12 out of 12,000 people will be chosen to become an astronaut. The 12 people who have been chosen to become an astronaut will go through two years of training learning Russian to make it easier to work with the Russian astronauts ISS. (International Space Station)
| + | The main accomplishment that William has achieved was creating a nonprofit organization named as Food Drive Kid that is helping to end childhood hunger. He also built four school gardens that help supply healthy food to kids. He also set up pantrys that he and his brother stock with food and toiletries each Friday. When William was in first grade he realized that everybody did not have the same lives as he did. He found out that 1 in 5 kids where hungry so he stared to rase funds and gathered food to feed those hungry kids. |
| − | | + | With this effort in helping to end childhood hunger he was recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree. |
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| − | If a person wanted to become an astronaut they would need to have a master's degree in STEM.
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| − | ***Edited for grammar (comma): If a person wanted to become an astronaut, they would need to have a master's degree in STEM.
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| − | ***Comma before "they." Otherwise, good sentence!
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| − | <br>They also would need work experience especially in flying jets.
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| − | ***Edited for grammar (comma) and fluidity: They would also need work experience, especially in flying jets.
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| − | ***"Also" shouldn't go before "would." You can write "they also need work experience," but if you add "would," then "also" goes after it. Comma before "especially."
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| − | <br>12 out of 12,000 people will be chosen to become an astronaut.
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| − | ***Good!
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| − | <br>The 12 people who have been chosen to become an astronaut will go through two years of training learning Russian to make it easier to work with the Russian astronauts ISS. (International Space Station)
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| − | ***Edited for fluidity and punctuation (period) and tense: The 12 people who are chosen to become an astronaut will go through two years of training and learn Russian to make it easier to work with the Russian International Space Station (ISS).
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| − | ***"have been" → "are" (this sentence is in a future tense, don't use past tense). Add "and" in between "training" and "learning" since this is a run-on sentence. You should always spell out the acronym first and then put the abbreviation in parentheses. Period goes after the parentheses.
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| − | '''Final Edited Version:'''
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| − | If a person wanted to become an astronaut, they would need to have a master's degree in STEM. They would also need work experience, especially in flying jets. 12 out of 12,000 people will be chosen to become an astronaut. The 12 people who are chosen to become an astronaut will go through two years of training and learn Russian to make it easier to work with the Russian International Space Station (ISS).
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| − | ***Good job on including detailed information! Please work on your commas and avoid run-on sentences.
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| − | Edited by Ashley Leung
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With this effort in helping to end childhood hunger he was recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree.
