The World for Freedom

Revision as of 19:25, 16 April 2020

Grma's Writing Page

The Graduation ceremony held in Japan is different from the regular graduations held here. One way it is different is because, in Japan they used robots to distribute graduation certificates. It was a virtual ceremony. All the students watched the ceremony from their home. This ceremony was organized to prevent the spread of COVID -19. This is how the graduation ceremony is different in Japan because of COVID -19.

The mayor and the governor have different opinion about reopening of New York public schools.  Mayor Bill de Blasio announced on Saturday the schools will be closed for the whole academic year 2020 to prevent spreading of the COVID-19. Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in deciding school closure. It has to be coordinated across the metro areas and possibly even with other states such as New Jersey and Connecticut. This is how the governor and mayor have different opinions about reopening of public schools.
 

Edits:

The mayor and the governor have different opinion about reopening of New York public schools.
- Great opening sentence! I am just editing for grammar.
- Edited for grammar; The mayor and the governor have different opinions about the reopening of New York public schools.

Mayor Bill de Blasio announced on Saturday the schools will be closed for the whole "academic" year 2020 to prevent the spreading of COVID-19.
- Academic year does not need to be in quotes because it is a widely recognized term.
- Edited for grammar and punctuation; On Saturday, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced that the schools will be closed for the 2020 academic year to prevent the spread of COVID-19.

Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in deciding school closure.
- Your sentence order is great and makes chronological sense! I am changing "said" to "stated" because it sounds more professional.
- Edited for word choice; Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo stated that the mayor had been premature in deciding to close the schools.

It has to be coordinated across the metro areas and possibly even with other states such as New Jersey and Connecticut.
- I would specify that this sentence is the reason why Gov. Cuomo thinks that Mayor de Blasio is premature.
- Edited for word choice; He thinks it is premature because school closures have to be coordinated across the metro areas, and possibly even with other states such as New Jersey and Connecticut.

This is how the governor and mayor have different opinions about reopening of public schools.
- Nice job!

Overall, this paragraph was great. Your sentence length and order was very nice, and it really only needed minor tweaks.

Fully Edited Version:

The mayor and governor have different opinions about the reopening of New York public schools. On Saturday, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced that the schools will be closed for the 2020 academic year to prevent the spread of COVID-19. Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo stated that the mayor had been premature in deciding to close the schools. He thinks it is premature because school closures have to be coordinated across the metro areas, and possibly even with other states such as New Jersey and Connecticut. This is how the governor and mayor have different opinions on the reopening of public schools.

Edited by Grace Drake

 There are many reasons why birds migrating south.   One reason is because , in summer or spring there is food for birds to eat.      Another reason birds migrate is because in spring males attract females the there feathers and other features that they only grow in spring. These are some reasons why birds migrate south.

Edits:

There are many reasons why birds migrating south.
- I like that you introduce the paragraph by stating that there are multiple reasons and then listing them. I would specify that they migrate during the winter.
- Edited for grammar; There are many reasons why birds are migrating south for the winter.

One reason is because, in summer or spring there is food for birds to eat.
- Typically you do not need a comma after the word "because".
- Edited for word choice and grammar; One reason is that there is food available for birds to eat during the warmer months.

Another reason birds migrate is because in spring males attract females with there feather and other features that they only grow in spring.
- This is an interesting fact that was a great addition to this paragraph. Just remember that you would use "their" instead of "there" when you are talking about something that someone has.
- Edited for word choice and grammar; Birds may also migrate because males attract females with their feathers, as well as other features, in the spring.

These are some reasons why birds migrate south.
- Your ending sentence ties together the paragraph nicely!

Fully Edited Version:

There are many reasons why birds are migrating south for the winter. One reason is that there is food available for birds to eat during the warmer months. Birds may also migrate because males attract females with their feathers, as well as other features, in the spring. These are some reasons why birds migrate south.

Edited by Grace Drake

There are many reasons why it is good to practice social distance. One reason is because, even if you are six feet away from some one of your or their cough and sneeze can still reach his/her. Another reason why it good to practice social distance is because, Hota says all the measures are trying to achieve the same thing. For a kid this includes learning at home canceling play dates and sport events. These are some reasons why it is good to practice social distance.

Edits:

There are many reasons why it is good to practice social distance.
- Great length for an opening sentence, and it introduced the paragraph nicely. You can trim it down a bit more to omit unnecessary words!
- Edited for word choice; There are many good reasons to practice social distance.

One reason is because, even if you are six feet away from some one of your or their cough and sneeze can still reach his/her.
- I am changing the wording so it means the same thing, but I am using less words. For example, I am changing "his/her" to "them" to be more concise.
- Edited for word choice; For example, even if you are six feet away from someone, a cough or sneeze can still reach them.

Another reason why it good to practice social distance is because, Hota says that all the measures are trying to achieve the same thing. For a kid this includes learning at home and canceling play dates and sport events.
- Nice job on including evidence from the text! I am combining both sentences so you stick to the four sentence structure and eliminating some bits and pieces to make it more concise. Since the paragraphs are so short, it is a good idea to trim the sentences so every word is important to the point that you are making.
- Edited for word choice and combining sentences; All measures of social distance are working towards preventing disease, and for kids this means learning at home and cancelling play dates and sport events.

These are some reasons why it is good to practice social distance.
- Great job summing it up! I am only changing wording a bit so it doesn't sound too close to your first sentence, and to tell the reader why social distance is good.
- Edited for word choice; These are some reasons why practicing social distance is important to slow the spread of disease.

You have some great ideas and did a nice job picking out important information from the text. One thing to work on for next time is shortening sentences so they say exactly what you mean without "filler" words. You did a great job showing the reader that social distance is important, but the next step is explaining what it does and why it is important to us.

Fully Edited Version:

There are many good reasons to practice social distance. For example, even if you are six feet away from someone, a cough or sneeze can still reach them. All measures of social distance are working towards preventing disease, and for kids this means learning at home and cancelling play dates and sport events. These are some reasons why practicing social distance is important to slow the spread of disease.

Edited by Grace Drake

Jk Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children in many reasons. One reason she thinks this is because in her webpage it keeps children educated and entertained during the book COVID-19 pandemic. Another reason Jk Rowling thinks her webpage will help children is because one her book has been added to them Audible library of free books which makes the book immediately available in several different languages. This is why Jk thinks her new webpage will help children in many ways.

There are many things to do while you cant go out side because of COVID-19. One thing u can do is play with lego kits. You dont need to go outside and buy it either. Instead you can ship it to you for about 14.99 to 34.99. Another activity you can do is reading a book. Reading a book is beneficial for older kids and younger ones. It helps children grapple with difficult issues,reduces stress,improves vocabulary and they might otherwise ignore. These are some activities you can do while staying home from the COVID-19.

  There are many ways to prevent from spreading the COVID-19. One of the important ways is by washing your hands frequently. Another way is by avoiding people who have a cold and cough. In addition to that people should cough and sneeze on a tissue or your elbow. In short you should wash your hands sneeze in your elbow and avoid people who are sick.