The World for Freedom

Revision as of 00:53, 9 April 2020

Prda's Writing Page Eastern tiger salamander are preparing to move to Maryland.

                                                 because they need a habitat like the wetland that are mostly in Maryland 
                                                also the Female salamanders need a pool with out fish. The text states that
                                                 Tiger salamanders can be picky about there pools the text also states 
                                                   that what stands out most to me is how  they swim through there delavier 
                                                  bay wet lands. This text states that salamanders are fast in water and picky 
                                               about there habitats that are wetland and pools.

Original Version:

Eastern tiger salamander are preparing to move to Maryland because they need a habitat like the wetland that are mostly in Maryland also the Female salamanders need a pool with out fish. The text states that Tiger salamanders can be picky about there pools the text also states that what stands out most to me is how they swim through their delavier bay wet lands. This text states that salamanders are fast in water and picky about there habitats that are wetland and pools.

Corrections:

Eastern tiger salamanders are preparing to move to Maryland because they need a wetland habitat. Female salamanders also need a pool without fish, which Maryland has.

• • • Salamander should be in the plural form, as you are speaking about multiple salamanders, and it matched the plural verb “are.” This sentence was also a run-on sentence, so I split it up into two sentences. I also deleted “are mostly found in Maryland, as you already referred two what state previously in the sentence. I also edited the phrasing of the last sentence, as I thought the wording could be improved. Without needs to be spelled as one word as well.

The text states that “Tiger salamanders can be picky about their pools.”

• It should be “their pools,” as there it’s a possessive pronoun, showing that the people have ownership over the pools. Also, make sure to name the text and the writer before introducing the quote. The sentence was too long, so I split it up into two. The next sentence is edited below.

The text also states that the Tiger salamanders stand out because they “swim through the Delaware Bay wetlands.”

• • • I edited this sentence for grammar and spelling. I corrected the spelling of Delaware Bay and capitalized it. Also, “wetlands” should be one word.

Final version:

Eastern tiger salamanders are preparing to move to Maryland because they need a wetland habitat. Female salamanders also need a pool without fish, which Maryland has. The text states that “Tiger salamanders can be picky about their pools.” The text also states that the Tiger salamanders stand out because they “swim through the Delaware Bay wetlands.”

Good job! Make sure to proofread the sentence for spelling errors, and to use the correct form of “there.” Also, while referencing lines from the text, make sure to use quotation marks.

Edited by Hayley Taylor

I think Jk Rowing and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home. One way i think it will help is the story will keep them busy, and the puzzles will entertain that watching tv.I know this because the text states that reading aloud to the stories to the kids could inspire them the text also states that the puzzles would intertain them", this means that Jk Rowing website is intreasting and intertaining .So this how i know Jk Rowing website will help kids when there stuck in there house.

Original Version: I think Jk Rowing and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home. One way i think it will help is the story will keep them busy, and the puzzles will entertain that watching tv.I know this because the text states that reading aloud to the stories to the kids could inspire them the text also states that the puzzles would intertain them", this means that Jk Rowing website is intreasting and intertaining .So this how i know Jk Rowing website will help kids when there stuck in there house.

Corrections:

J.K. Rowling and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home.

• • • J.K. needs to be capitalized and spelt with two periods. I removed the “I” to make the sentence be written in the third person.

One way the website will help keep kids busy is the story it provides, as well as the puzzles that will entertain them instead of watching television.

• • • I removed the personal pronouns so the sentence would be written in the third person. I also edited the sentence by rephrasing it and correcting the grammar. I also replaced “that” with “than” as than is used in comparative sentences.

Wizarding World claims that reading the stories aloud from the website to the kids could inspire them, and the puzzles could entertain them. This means that J.K. Rowling's website is interesting and entertaining.

• • • When you are paraphrasing a source, you need to credit it. When you're paraphrasing the text (summarizing a quote in your own words), you don't need quotation marks, unlike direct quotations. I also changed the comma into a sentence, as without it the sentence is a run-on. I also corrected the spelling of the word “entertain.” J.K. Rowling needs to be capitalized and the letters of her initials need to be separated by periods. Her last name should also be punctuated with an apostrophe. The spelling of “interesting” and “entertaining” was spelled wrong as well, so I corrected those words. I also removed the extra space before the period.

This evidence proves how J.K. Rowling's website will help kids when they're stuck in their houses.

• • • I changed the phrasing of the sentence to make it more formal. I also fixed the spelling of J.K. Rowling, and made the punctuation possessive, as J.K. Rowling is possessing the website. Also, "there" needs to be changed to "they're" as it should be a contraction of they + are in this context. You used the wrong form of “there” when referring to the house. When you are using it to refer to a person, place, or thing, you use “their.” Also, "house" should be in the plural form, as you're talking about multiple houses.

Final Version:

J.K. Rowling and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home. One way the website will help keep kids busy is the story it provides, as well as the puzzles that will entertain them instead of watching television. Wizarding World claims that reading the stories from the website aloud to the kids could inspire them, and the puzzles could entertain them. This means that J.K. Rowling's website is interesting and entertaining. This evidence proves how J.K. Rowling's website will help kids when they're stuck in their houses.

Great work! Remember to proofread your writing for spelling mistakes.

Edited by Hayley Taylor

There are many ways students can learn in online class. like there fingers could be used to typing on there key board and help students that dont know how to type improve them on a higher level then they are.I know this because in the text it says that distractions will not be in the way of ther learing this piece of text means they wont be distracted by there classmates. This is asking me why and how online class is use full it keeps the didtractions out of the students way. Also in the text it says the students will not forget there schuelds.This means students will not be distracted or they wont forget the shuelds .the right place for students to learn.

There are many ways to keep yourself busy while your in your house such as like puzzles, indoor basketball ,card games, and board games ,all these options are fine and come in low price about 10.00 to 15.00.Just as the text states at less than 10$ the text also states that puzzles will help inhance the mind. And indoor basketball will keep them exerscized not only is it suitable it helps them get smart, exerscized, and it is in low price so it is fun and studying at the same a great inviormeant

The two ways postponing the Olympics will cause negative actions. I know itbecause I think that people that worked put all there efforts and now they cant use there new skills. Also it will cause a boycotts that will cause a pain for the cops and the citizen in the boycotts .I know this because in the text it states that and for the 11,ooo people that practice for the summer.It also states that it will be comlacated by the boycotts so it will be bad for the ateleats and the citizens that were looking forward to the games.