The World for Freedom

Revision as of 05:32, 19 March 2020

There is many love behind art.everyone perceives art in different ways.the photo “ain’t that shame” had figures and objects are carved into the wood which is not very common its a unique photo. Charles Gillam Sr., American had created the painting.”STEINWAY”is a big manufacture company for making pianos.So he has been inspired to draw it in a painting.in conclusion this is what I learned from the article.this painting is in a museum named Smithsonian National Museum Source: https://www.si.edu/object/aint-shame:nmaahc_2013.207.3

There are multiple new things about the trampoline not only that trampoline train the military.for example the military or i should say pilots trained on a trampoline because it taught them how to reorient themselves to surroundings after the difficult air maneuvers.another thing that i learned from the passage is George Nissan had made the idea to make the trampoline after he watched gymnastics he achieved to change the minds of young people.This is what i have learned from the article. Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/how-trampoline-came-be-180974343/

There are many things i have learned in the article for example i have learned They have a greater than 500 different types of sharks in total around the world.another thing i learned is the range of a shark compared to a human being is 39 feet.the last thing i learned is sharks play an important role to the ocean but they are in trouble around the world asian people hunt sharks because they need there fins to make there soup.this is what I learned.This is what I learned from the article. Source: https://ocean.si.edu/ocean-life/sharks-rays/sharks

I have learned multiple things during the text Newly Discovered Tyrannosaur Was Key to the Rise of Giant Meat-Eaters for example scienctists found a skull in alberta.paleontologists are discovering the tyrannosaur fast.they as in the Tyrannosaur had crossed North America over two million years ago Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/search/

I have learned multiple things during the text Newly Discovered Tyrannosaur Was Key to the Rise of Giant Meat-Eaters for example scienctists found a skull in alberta.

• • • Since this article will state multiple facts, this sentence does not need “I have learned multiple things.” The title of an article should be placed within quotation marks like this — “Newly Discovered Tyrannosaur Was Key to the Rise of Giant Meat-Eaters.” “scienctists” should be spelled as “scientists.” Alberta should be capitalized because it is a proper noun - in this case, the name of a province in Canada. More detail can be added about the skull.

Edited sentence: According to the article “Newly Discovered Tyrannosaur Was Key to the Rise of Giant Meat-Eaters,” scientists found parts of a tyrannosaur skull in Alberta.

paleontologists are discovering the tyrannosaur fast.

• • • This sentence is unclear. Are the paleontologists discovering that the tyrannosaur could move fast? Or are the paleontologists quickly discovering the tyrannosaur? I edited this sentence based on the source.

Edited sentence: Paleontologists are quickly discovering more tyrannosaur remains.

they as in the Tyrannosaur had crossed North America over two million years ago

• • • I do not see this exact information in the source. The source article states that certain tyrannosaurs “roamed North America during the last 10 million years of the Cretaceous” and that the bones found “are about 2.5 million years older than other tyrannosaurids.” Please make sure the information is stated accurately.

Edited sentence: Tyrannosaurs lived in North America millions of years ago.

• • • Remember to create a title for your article. Additionally, your article currently has three sentences, but it needs to have six sentences. There is a lot of information that you can include. The source you provided leads to the Smithsonian Magazine website's search bar, not to the specific article. Include the full article URL like this — Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/newly-discovered-tyrannosaur-was-key-rise-giant-meat-eaters-180974156/. Be sure to capitalize the first word of each sentence and put a space after the period at the end of each sentence.

Fully edited article:

According to the article “Newly Discovered Tyrannosaur Was Key to the Rise of Giant Meat-Eaters,” scientists found parts of a tyrannosaur skull in Alberta. Paleontologists are quickly discovering more tyrannosaur remains. Tyrannosaurs lived in North America millions of years ago. Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/newly-discovered-tyrannosaur-was-key-rise-giant-meat-eaters-180974156/.

Original article:

I have learned multiple things during the text Newly Discovered Tyrannosaur Was Key to the Rise of Giant Meat-Eaters for example scienctists found a skull in alberta.paleontologists are discovering the tyrannosaur fast.they as in the Tyrannosaur had crossed North America over two million years ago Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/search/

Something that i learned from the article “How Simple Blood Tests Could Revolutionize Cancer Treatment”is that the latest DNA sample can detect if you have cancer.Although there is no treat to be found. Another thing that i learned is Star Dolbier had lung cancer she had to go through painful biopsy surgery.After the new test they gave her a new drug treatment ro help her try to get rid of her lung cancer.The drug had helped her get rid of her lung caner and she is living a new life now. Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/how-simple-blood-tests-could-revolutionize-cancer-treatment-180974140/

Something that i learned from the article “How Simple Blood Tests Could Revolutionize Cancer Treatment”is that the latest DNA sample can detect if you have cancer.

• • • I removed “Something that i learned” because while it is good that you have learned about this topic, the article should focus on communicating the main information to the reader. The “DNA sample” is being tested to detect cancer, but it is not the device that detects cancer.

Edited sentence: DNA samples could be used to detect cancer through blood tests.

Although there is no treat to be found.

• • • This sentence is incomplete. “treat” should be written as “treatment.” I am not sure what this sentence is referring to as I do not see a section in the source that states there is no treatment to be found. It states that Star Dolbier is undergoing treatment, and that treatments for patients could become more personalized. I edited this sentence to reflect that.

Edited sentence: Cancer treatments could become more personalized to meet each patient’s needs.

Another thing that i learned is Star Dolbier had lung cancer she had to go through painful biopsy surgery.

• • • The source states that Star Dolbier would “likely” have had to go through a painful biopsy surgery, not that she had one. Although I removed “Another thing that i learned,” please remember to capitalize “i” when referring to yourself. This is also a run-on sentence, so I split it into two to fit the six sentence structure.

Edited sentence: Star Dolbier was diagnosed with lung cancer. The article states that at the time, she would “likely have to go through a painful biopsy surgery.”

After the new test they gave her a new drug treatment ro help her try to get rid of her lung cancer.

• • • “ro” should be written as “to.” The reader will not know who “they” is because “they” is not identified in this sentence. I edited the sentence to reduce wordiness.

Edited sentence: Instead, a new test led to her being given a new drug to treat her cancer.

The drug had helped her get rid of her lung caner and she is living a new life now.

• • • “caner” should be spelled as “cancer.” The source does not exactly say she got rid of the cancer, but that the drug “has kept her cancer at bay.” This means that the cancer is under better control, and possibly that the spread of the cancer has been reduced, but it is not confirmed to be gone. The source implies that Dolbier may be being treated still, so the past tense “had” should be changed to the present tense “has.”

Edited sentence: The drug has helped her control her lung cancer and she says she is “living a normal life right now.”

• • • Remember to add a title to your article. Make sure to look for any spelling errors in your sentences and correct them. Put a space after the period at the end of each sentence. Also make sure that the information in your article accurately communicates the information in the source.

Fully edited article:

DNA samples could be used to detect cancer through blood tests. Cancer treatments could become more personalized to meet each patient’s needs. Star Dolbier was diagnosed with lung cancer. The article states that at the time, she would “likely have to go through a painful biopsy surgery.” Instead, a new test led to her being given a new drug to treat her cancer. The drug has helped her control her lung cancer and she says she is “living a normal life right now.” Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/how-simple-blood-tests-could-revolutionize-cancer-treatment-180974140/

Original article:

Something that i learned from the article “How Simple Blood Tests Could Revolutionize Cancer Treatment”is that the latest DNA sample can detect if you have cancer.Although there is no treat to be found. Another thing that i learned is Star Dolbier had lung cancer she had to go through painful biopsy surgery.After the new test they gave her a new drug treatment ro help her try to get rid of her lung cancer.The drug had helped her get rid of her lung caner and she is living a new life now. Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/how-simple-blood-tests-could-revolutionize-cancer-treatment-180974140/

There is many negative things about social media that i have learned For example people or hackers can hack your account and all your private things can get posted another thing i learned is even though social media give you communication you have the ability to get up and actually meet them the last thing I learned is social media distracts you from interactions with your family and talking also from having fun.This shows why you should not have social media.

There is many negative things about social media that i have learned

• • • This sentence is discussing “many negative things,” which is a plural subject so it should be followed by the plural verb “are” instead of “is.” The meaning of “things” is not very clear so I replaced it with “aspects” because you are describing different aspects, or parts, related to social media. I removed “i have learned” to keep the article formal and focused on the facts.

Edited sentence: There are many negative aspects about social media.

For example people or hackers can hack your account and all your private things can get posted

• • • This sentence is written in the second person point of view (“you”), but I changed it to the third person point of view so that it focuses on the facts. “hackers” are “people” so I removed “people” because both terms are referring to the same subject. Again, the meaning of “things” is not clear, so I have replaced it with “information” because it is more specific. I also split this sentence into two to fit the six sentence structure.

Edited sentence: For example, hackers can hack into a person’s account. Hackers can then post that person’s private information on the internet.

another thing i learned is even though social media give you communication you have the ability to get up and actually meet them

• • • I removed “another thing I learned” so that the focus is on the topic. Again, I changed the second person point of view to third person for the same reason. I edited the sentence for better flow and to make it a bit more objective. While some readers may have the ability to get up and meet people, others may not.

Edited sentence: Even though social media allows people to communicate, it is not the same as getting up and meeting people face-to-face.

the last thing I learned is social media distracts you from interactions with your family and talking also from having fun.

• • • I removed “the last thing I learned” so that the focus is on the topic. Again, I changed the second person point of view to third person for the same reason. “interactions with your family” can include “talking” and “having fun” so I removed “talking” and “having fun” because these phrases are referring to related actions.

Edited sentence: Social media distracts people from interacting with their family.

This shows why you should not have social media.

• • • The concluding sentence should summarize the reasons given in the article explaining the negative aspects of social media.

Edited sentence: The use of social media should be limited because it can put a person’s private information at risk and disconnect them from the people who are close to them.

• • • Remember to include a title for your article and to include six sentences in your article. You must include the source, otherwise the reader will not be able to tell where this information is from. I also need the source to check the accuracy of the information in this article. Please put a period at the end of each sentence, otherwise it is hard to tell where one sentence ends and another begins.

Fully edited article: There are many negative aspects about social media. For example, hackers can hack into a person’s account. Hackers can then post that person’s private information on the internet. Even though social media allows people to communicate, it is not the same as getting up and meeting people face-to-face. Social media distracts people from interacting with their family. The use of social media should be limited because it can put a person’s private information at risk and disconnect them from the people who are close to them.

Original article: There is many negative things about social media that i have learned For example people or hackers can hack your account and all your private things can get posted another thing i learned is even though social media give you communication you have the ability to get up and actually meet them the last thing I learned is social media distracts you from interactions with your family and talking also from having fun.This shows why you should not have social media.

Dance is a very interesting topic not only that it can be very dangerous it can have alot of stunts.Alvin Ailey is a dancer who does ballet she works with someone who take professional photos of her named Mitchell.Mitchell and Alvin ailey works as a team and they found a language throughout dance its called art its soothing and calming.Another thing that i have learned from the article everyone has there own unique way of dancing their cultural gestures they have their own way in their own culture.The last and final thing that i have learned is Ailey is solely African American.This is what i have learned about dance . Source:

ttps://www.smithsonianmag.com/travel/twelve-anniversaries-and-events-worth-traveling-2020-180974044/

Dance is a very interesting topic not only that it can be very dangerous it can have alot of stunts.

• • • I added commas to this sentence so that it does not sound like a run-on sentence. “alot” should be two words — “a lot.” This sentence could use the “not only… but also” sentence structure, which I have done in the edited sentence.

Edited sentence: Dance is a very interesting topic, not only because it can be very dangerous, but also because it can include a lot of stunts.

Alvin Ailey is a dancer who does ballet she works with someone who take professional photos of her named Mitchell.

• • • I edited this sentence for better flow. If Mitchell’s last name is stated in the source, it should be included in the article as well.

Edited sentence: Alvin Ailey is a ballet dancer who works with a professional photographer named Mitchell.

Mitchell and Alvin ailey works as a team and they found a language throughout dance its called art its soothing and calming.

• • • Make sure there is a space between sentences. Alvin Ailey should be mentioned first since she is the main person in the article. “Ailey” should be capitalized because it is Alvin’s last name. “Works” does not need an “s” because this verb follows a plural subject — “Alvin Ailey and Mitchell.” I edited this sentence for better flow.

Edited sentence: Alvin Ailey and Mitchell work as a team. They found a language throughout dance called art, which is soothing and calming.

Another thing that i have learned from the article everyone has there own unique way of dancing their cultural gestures they have their own way in their own culture.

• • • It is good that you have learned this from the source, but your article should focus only on the source itself and on what the reader can learn. “there” should be spelled as “their” because this sentence is referring to people. “there” would be used if it was referring to a place. I edited this sentence for better flow.

Edited sentence: Everyone has their own unique way of dancing. They have their own cultural gestures.

The last and final thing that i have learned is Ailey is solely African American.This is what i have learned about dance .

• • • Again, your article should focus on the source itself. The fact that Ailey is African American can be combined with the second sentence.

Edited sentence: Ailey is African American.

• • • Remember to include a title for your article. Also make sure that the source is correct, because the source attached to this article seems to talk about a different subject. Focus on the flow of your sentences — are there some words in a sentence that you can combine or remove? After writing a sentence, read it to make sure it is not a fragmented or run-on sentence. I split the third and fourth sentences to keep the six sentence structure after editing.

Fully edited article:

Dance is a very interesting topic, not only because it can be very dangerous, but also because it can include a lot of stunts. Alvin Ailey is an African American ballet dancer who works with a professional photographer named Mitchell. Alvin Ailey and Mitchell work as a team. They found a language throughout dance called art, which is soothing and calming. Everyone has their own unique way of dancing. They have their own cultural gestures. Source: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/travel/twelve-anniversaries-and-events-worth-traveling-2020-180974044/

Original article:

Dance is a very interesting topic not only that it can be very dangerous it can have alot of stunts.Alvin Ailey is a dancer who does ballet she works with someone who take professional photos of her named Mitchell.Mitchell and Alvin ailey works as a team and they found a language throughout dance its called art its soothing and calming.Another thing that i have learned from the article everyone has there own unique way of dancing their cultural gestures they have their own way in their own culture.The last and final thing that i have learned is Ailey is solely African American.This is what i have learned about dance . Source: ttps://www.smithsonianmag.com/travel/twelve-anniversaries-and-events-worth-traveling-2020-180974044/