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- Same as above, just some added word choice for clarity. | - Same as above, just some added word choice for clarity. | ||
| − | - No edits for this sentence | + | - No edits for this sentence "Hurricane Dorian, however, reached a high of 185 mph, drastically exceeding the scale limit." -Very good! |
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| + | '''***The hurricane demolished the Bahamas and accumulated over $7 billion in damages, demanding a more accurate representation of projected catastrophes.***''' | ||
| + | - Your parenthetical was not complete, or did not flow as well as it should have. Also, there is some unnecessary phrasing that makes the assertion less strong. | ||
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| + | '''***Researchers and statisticians are currently debating whether or not to replace the system in order to provide a more detailed depiction of the hurricane's power.***''' | ||
Revision as of 20:29, 15 October 2019
Jay' Article Summary Page
Hurricane Dorian Was Worthy of a Category 6 Rating (October 4, 2019)
The 1-5 Saffir-Simpson Wind Scale is no longer sufficient to measure the destruction hurricanes have caused. A rating of 5 would mean that winds are blowing consistently over 157 mph. Hurricane Dorian, however, reached a high of 185 mph, drastically exceeding the scale limit. With the hurricane demolishing the Bahamas and accumulating over $7 billion in damages, there seems to be a need to more accurately represent this catastrophe. Researchers and statisticians are currently debating whether or not to replace the system to provide a more detailed and precise depiction of the hurricanes. Although there are systems that already warn and visualize the storm threats, they are too simple; perhaps an adjustment should be made to the Saffir-Simpson Wind Scale.
*** "Hurricane Dorian Graduates to a Category 6 Rating"*** - Your title is too similar to a sentence in the original text; "Dorian worthy of a category 6 rating". Change it up!
*** The 1-5 Saffir-Simpson Wind Scale is no longer a reliable way to measure the destructive power of hurricanes.*** - Just some edits with word choice to clarify the sentence. Try not to end the sentence with a verb- it weakens the sentence.
***A hurricane with the highest rating of 5 produces winds that consistently blow at 157mph.*** - Same as above, just some added word choice for clarity.
- No edits for this sentence "Hurricane Dorian, however, reached a high of 185 mph, drastically exceeding the scale limit." -Very good!
***The hurricane demolished the Bahamas and accumulated over $7 billion in damages, demanding a more accurate representation of projected catastrophes.*** - Your parenthetical was not complete, or did not flow as well as it should have. Also, there is some unnecessary phrasing that makes the assertion less strong.
***Researchers and statisticians are currently debating whether or not to replace the system in order to provide a more detailed depiction of the hurricane's power.***
Can The U.S. Hit the Reset Button With China? (October 11, 2019)
As of now, The United States and China have agreed to a truce in the ongoing trade war. However, some believe that the short peace is not an effective method to solve the problem, but instead delaying the solution. Offering a tariff ceasefire could possibly "be viewed as a capitulation", exposing and displaying the weakness of the United States and the forced initiation of a temporary compromise. The WTO (World Trade Organization) suggests that a better way to tackle the issue is through multilateral actions, such as negotiating a policy or an agreement that would benefit symbiotically. Trump had, in the past, rescinded from the TPP (Trans-Pacific Partnership) and now continues to fight the Asian countries by his increased tariffs. Overall, China is thought to be the one that would benefit the most from this new ceasefire, as it drives the U.S. into a deadlock, and if President Trump recalls the newly enforced truce, it would be shameful and further depleting the nationalistic pride.
Source: https://www.nationalreview.com/2019/10/us-china-trade-war-tariff-deal-doesnt-end-conflict/
- Good title! Only edits concern capitalization; articles (a,an,the) and prepositions should NOT be capitalized.
***The United States and China have recently agreed to a truce in the ongoing trade war.***
- Good intro, "as of now" is too wordy to begin the sentence; instead, the adverb "recently" achieves more formally what you want to infer.
*** However, some believe that the short peace is not an effective method to solve the problem, and will instead delay the solution.***
- Another good sentence. However, by switching the conjunctions we can acknowledge the previous info instead of negating it.
- No edits for this sentence! : "Offering a tariff ceasefire could possibly "be viewed as a capitulation", exposing and displaying the weakness of the United States and the forced initiation of a temporary compromise." - great use of the quotation.
*** The World Trade Organization suggests multilateral actions to tackle the issue, such as negotiating a policy or an agreement that would benefit both parties.***
- State the full name of the organization before you abbreviate it-- then, throughout the rest of the piece you can use the abbreviation. I cut out some unnecessary phrasing to consolidate the sentence. "Symbiotically" was a great word choice but was not fluid in the sentence. (Sometimes adverbs at the end of a sentence can weaken it)
'***Trump has, in the past, rescinded from the Trans-Pacific Partnership and now continues to fight Asian countries by increasing tariffs.***
- Same edit as above with the TPP. Some of your articles are not needed, like the "the" before Asian. Also, since "continues" indicates present tense, the verb "increase" should be present, not past tense.
***Overall, China is expected to gain the most from this ceasefire, as it drives the US into a deadlock and depletes national pride. ***
- Primary note is to cut away unnecessary wording; also, the conclusion should be its own sentence with reiterated, not new, information.
*** The fledgling truce will be closely followed as a permanent solution is sought between the two great nations.***
- Your conclusion should have a note of finality and, like the intro, needs to be strong for the article to succeed. Really great article otherwise!
EDITED VERSION
- ""Can the U.S. Hit the Reset Button with China?"
The United States and China have recently agreed to a truce in the ongoing trade war. However, some believe that the short peace is not an effective method to solve the problem, and will instead delay the solution. Offering a tariff ceasefire could possibly "be viewed as a capitulation", exposing and displaying the weakness of the United States and the forced initiation of a temporary compromise. The World Trade Organization suggests multilateral actions to tackle the issue, such as negotiating a policy or an agreement that would benefit both parties. Trump has, in the past, rescinded from the Trans-Pacific Partnership and now continues to fight Asian countries by increasing tariffs. Overall, China is expected to gain the most from this ceasefire, as it drives the US into a deadlock and depletes national pride. The fledgling truce will be closely followed as a permanent solution is sought between the two great nations.
