The World for Freedom

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−	Henry's Page	+	'''How the Rainbow Flag Became the LGBT Symbol'''
		+	***Edited for article (the, a, an) use; How the Rainbow Flag Became an LGBT Symbol
		+
		+	During June, gay pride month, many rainbow flags are held in honor of gay and LGBT pride.
		+	***Edited for clarity, since the flag is for all people who identify as LGBT, I changed the nouns to be more inclusive; During June, LGBT Pride Month, many rainbow flags are flown in honor of LGBT pride.
		+
		+	The rainbow flag came to be what it is now when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials of the U.S., urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride.
		+	***Edited for fluidity, your opening here is a little wordy so I condensed it; The rainbow flag originated when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials in the United States, urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride.
		+
		+	Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought a flag would suit gays the most since a flag "proclaimed [the gays'] visibility or saying, 'This is who I am!'" Baker thought the rainbow was a natural flag from the sky, so he designed the gay pride flag from a rainbow.
		+	***Edited for inclusivity; Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought it would suit the LGBT community since a flag "proclaimed visibility, or saying 'This is who I am'" and because he thought the rainbow was natural flag from the sky.
		+
		+	The flag had 8 colors, hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit. The first version of the flag was first flown on June 25, 1978, during the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade.
		+	***Nice!
		+
		+	The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced wit basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow.
		+	***Corrected spelling; The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced with basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow.
		+
		+	Until 1994, the flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride, but after the LGBT flag can be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; The flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride until 1994 when it could be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.
		+
		+	'''How the Rainbow Flag Became the LGBT Symbol'''
		+
		+	During June, gay pride month, many rainbow flags are held in honor of gay and LGBT pride. The rainbow flag came to be what it is now when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials of the U.S., urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride. Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought a flag would suit gays the most since a flag "proclaimed [the gays'] visibility or saying, 'This is who I am!'" Baker thought the rainbow was a natural flag from the sky, so he designed the gay pride flag from a rainbow. The flag had 8 colors, hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit. The first version of the flag was first flown on June 25, 1978 during the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade. The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced wit basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow. Until 1994, the flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride, but after the LGBT flag can be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.
		+
		+	Edited Paragraph: How the Rainbow Flag Became an LGBT Symbol
		+
		+	During June, LGBT Pride Month, many rainbow flags are flown in honor of LGBT pride. The rainbow flag originated when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials in the United States, urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride. Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought it would suit the LGBT community since a flag "proclaimed visibility, or saying 'This is who I am'" and because he thought the rainbow was natural flag from the sky. The flag had 8 colors, hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit. The first version of the flag was first flown on June 25, 1978, during the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade. The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced with basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow. The flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride until 1994 when it could be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.
		+
		+
		+	***You need to work on being more precise in your summary. Think about how you can convey the most amount of information to your readers and make sure each sentence is working toward your ultimate conclusion. Also work on your use of punctuation, there were a few grammatical errors. Overall, good job!
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/how-did-the-rainbow-flag-become-a-symbol-of-lgbt-pride
		+
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
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		+	-----
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		+	'''Why Are Oceans Salty?'''
		+	***Edited for clarity; The Reasons Why Oceans Are Salty
		+
		+	Almost 70% of the Earth is water, and 97% of that is saltwater, so out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater and 67.9% saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater.
		+	***Edited for clarity and grammar (Comma use and sentence structure); Almost 70% of the Earth is covered in water, with 97% of that being saltwater. Therefore out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater as opposed to the 67.9% of saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater.
		+
		+	The reason why there is a lot of salt in these waters is because of the land.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; The reason for the high percentage of salt in Earth's water is because of the land.
		+
		+	When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals as it travels into rivers and into the ocean.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals from the land as it travels into rivers and into the ocean.
		+
		+	When it reaches the ocean, because of some biological processes, the dissolved minerals are removed, leaving salt behind.
		+	***Edited for clarity; When it reaches the ocean the dissolved minerals are removed through biological processes, leaving the salt behind.
		+
		+	In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that erupt, giving off salt.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that give off salt when they erupt.
		+
		+	Why Are Oceans Salty?
		+	Almost 70% of the Earth is water, and 97% of that is saltwater, so out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater and 67.9% saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater. The reason why there is a lot of salt in these waters is because of the land. When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals as it travels into rivers and into the ocean. When it reaches the ocean, because of some biological processes, the dissolved minerals are removed, leaving salt behind. In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that erupt, giving off salt.
		+
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: The Reasons Why Oceans Are Salty
		+	Almost 70% of the Earth is covered in water, with 97% of that being saltwater. Therefore out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater as opposed to the 67.9% of saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater. The reason for the high percentage of salt in Earth's water is because of the land. When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals from the land as it travels into rivers and into the ocean. When it reaches the ocean the dissolved minerals are removed through biological processes, leaving the salt behind. In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that give off salt when they erupt.
		+
		+	***You need to work on: phrasing in sentence structure and using commas.
		+
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-the-ocean-salty
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		+	-----
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		+	'''Chilean Miners Rescued in 2010'''
		+	***Good!
		+
		+	In August 5 of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine.
		+	***Edited for grammar (word choice); On August 5th of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine.
		+
		+	Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13, 2010.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13th, 2010.
		+
		+	On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out, but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort.
		+	***Edited for grammar (comma use); On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort.
		+
		+	After another failure, on August 22, the rescue team found a note that said that the 33 people are okay in the shelter, in Spanish.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; After another failure, on August 22nd, the rescue team found a note that said that 33 were okay in the shelter, in Spanish.
		+
		+	The trapped workers ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than 2 days intentionally and water was taken from a spring.
		+	***Edited for fluidty; The trapped workers intentionally ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than the 2 days it was intended for and took water from a spring.
		+
		+	By August 23, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies and solid food through ducts.
		+	***Edited for grammar (comma use); By August 23rd, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies, and solid food through ducts.
		+
		+	Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which lead to where the workers were located.
		+	***Edited for grammar (tense use); Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which led to where the workers were located.
		+
		+	Because of this incident, many of the workers were in trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; Due to this incident, many of the workers experienced trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.
		+
		+	In August 5 of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine. Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13, 2010. On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out, but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort. After another failure, on August 22, the rescue team found a note that said that the 33 people are okay in the shelter, in Spanish. The trapped workers ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than 2 days intentionally and water was taken from a spring. By August 23, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies and solid food through ducts. Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which lead to where the workers were located. Because of this incident, many of the workers were in trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: On August 5th of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine. Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13th, 2010. On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort. After another failure, on August 22nd, the rescue team found a note that said that 33 were okay in the shelter, in Spanish. The trapped workers intentionally ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than the 2 days it was intended for and took water from a spring. By August 23rd, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies, and solid food through ducts. Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which led to where the workers were located. Due to this incident, many of the workers experienced trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.
		+
		+	***You need to work on comma and tense use.
		+
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/event/Chile-mine-rescue-of-2010
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		+	-----
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		+	'''Death By Apple Seeds'''
		+	***Edited for fluidity; Can Humans Die from Apple Seeds?
		+
		+	Apple seeds are actually poisonous and can kill humans.
		+	***Nice!
		+
		+	Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly poisonous.
		+	***Edited for grammar and clarity; Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly lethal.
		+
		+	However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical.
		+	***Edited for grammar: However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has to be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical.
		+
		+	2) The human body can process small amounts of hydrogen cyanide without it being harmful. 3) The average adult has to eat at least over 150 apple seeds (depending on the kind), and since each apple only contains around 5 to 8 seeds, an adult would have to eat many apples consecutively to even acquire the risk of poisoning.
		+	***Good!
		+
		+	As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too much.
		+	***Edited for grammar; As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too many.
		+
		+
		+	Death By Apple Seeds
		+
		+	Apple seeds are actually poisonous and can kill humans. Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly poisonous. However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical. 2) The human body can process small amounts of hydrogen cyanide without it being harmful. 3) The average adult has to eat at least over 150 apple seeds (depending on the kind), and since each apple only contains around 5 to 8 seeds, an adult would have to eat many apples consecutively to even acquire the risk of poisoning. As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too much.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: Can Humans Die from Apple Seeds?
		+
		+	Apple seeds are actually poisonous and can kill humans. Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly lethal. However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has to be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical. 2) The human body can process small amounts of hydrogen cyanide without it being harmful. 3) The average adult has to eat at least over 150 apple seeds (depending on the kind), and since each apple only contains around 5 to 8 seeds, an adult would have to eat many apples consecutively to even acquire the risk of poisoning. As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too many.
		+
		+	***You need to work on grammar and to focus on fluidity.
		+
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/can-apple-seeds-kill-you
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		+
		+
		+	-----
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		+
		+	'''Newly Considered Ocean'''
		+	***Edited for clarity; Scientists Consider Designating New Ocean
		+
		+	Most people would say that there are 4 different oceans, the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, and Arctic oceans, but are there really only four?
		+	***Edited for fluidity; Most people would say that there are four different oceans, the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, and the Arctic, but are there really only four?
		+
		+	Well, scientists, have considered the existence of a new ocean called the Southern Ocean, or Antartic Ocean, which surrounds Antartica below 60 degrees S latitude.
		+	***Edited for grammar, you could also use a better connection between the first sentence and this one; Well, scientists have considered the existence of a new ocean called the Southern Ocean, or Antartic Ocean, which surrounds Antartica below 60 degrees S latitude.
		+
		+	The reason for separation is because of the difference in temperature, the wind current, and more from the other oceans.
		+	***Edited for clarity; The reason for the possible new ocean is that it differs from other oceans in temperature, wind current, and more.
		+
		+	However, the concept of this ocean has not been fully globally accepted by other countries, such as the U.S., New Zealand, and Australia.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; However, the concept of this ocean has not been globally accepted by countries such as the United States, New Zealand, and Australia.
		+
		+	Nevertheless, technically, the 4, or 5, oceans can all be seen as one big ocean, since they're all connected by something called the Great Ocean Conveyor Belt, which flows through all the oceans.
		+	***Edited for clarity; Additionally, the four, or five, oceans can technically all be seen as one big ocean, since the Great Ocean Conveyor Belt flows through them all.
		+
		+	Overall, depending on perspective, the earth can have 1, 4, or 5 oceans.
		+	***Edited for grammar; Overall, depending on perspective, the Earth can have one, four, or five oceans.
		+
		+	'''Newly Considered Ocean'''
		+
		+	Most people would say that there are 4 different oceans, the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, and Arctic oceans, but are there really only four? Well, scientists, have considered the existence of a new ocean called the Southern Ocean, or Antartic Ocean, which surrounds Antartica below 60 degrees S latitude. The reason for separation is because of the difference in temperature, the wind current, and more from the other oceans. However, the concept of this ocean has not been fully globally accepted by other countries, such as the U.S., New Zealand, and Australia. Nevertheless, technically, the 4, or 5, oceans can all be seen as one big ocean, since they're all connected by something called the Great Ocean Conveyor Belt, which flows through all the oceans. Overall, depending on perspective, the earth can have 1, 4, or 5 oceans.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: Scientists Consider Designating New Ocean
		+
		+	Most people would say that there are four different oceans, the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, and the Arctic, but are there really only four? Well, scientists have considered the existence of a new ocean called the Southern Ocean, or Antartic Ocean, which surrounds Antartica below 60 degrees S latitude. The reason for the possible new ocean is that it differs from other oceans in temperature, wind current, and more. However, the concept of this ocean has not been globally accepted by countries such as the United States, New Zealand, and Australia. Additionally, the four, or five, oceans can technically all be seen as one big ocean, since the Great Ocean Conveyor Belt flows through them all. Overall, depending on perspective, the Earth can have one, four, or five oceans.
		+
		+	***This was pretty good! Your grammar was nice here, you just need to work on phrasing. Always keep your audience in mind and focus on how you can present the information in the best way.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/just-how-many-oceans-are-there
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		+	-----
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		+
		+	'''Why Onions Make You Cry'''
		+	***Good!
		+
		+	When you're cutting onions, you just start crying out of nowhere.
		+	***Edited for fluidity, you want this sentence to hook people into reading the rest of your paragraph; It has happened to us all, you're cutting onions and you suddenly find yourself crying, seemingly out of nowhere. But why do people react to onions by crying?
		+
		+	The reason why is that when you cut onions, you're breaking many onion cells, which had absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; According to scientists, the reason for the tears is that when you cut into an onion, you are breaking many of its cells that have absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil where it grew.
		+
		+	Each cell that was cut also contained enzymes and amino acids, so the enzymes and amino acids were also separated.
		+	***Edited for grammar, you started in present tense so you need to stay in that tense; Each cell that is cut also contains enzymes and amino acids, which also get separated as you slice.
		+
		+	The separated enzymes and sulfur rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide.
		+	***Edited for grammar; The separated enzymes and sulfur-rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide.
		+
		+	This chemical easily vaporizes and floats up into contact with your eyes. Your eyes shed tears in order to stop the chemical from irritating the body.
		+	***Good!
		+
		+	As a result, onions make you cry because of chemicals and your immune response.
		+	***Edited for clarity; In conclusion, onions make you cry because your body is attempting to protect you from the chemicals that are released when you cut into them.
		+
		+	Why Onions Make You Cry
		+
		+	When you're cutting onions, you just start crying out of nowhere. The reason why is that when you cut onions, you're breaking many onion cells, which had absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil. Each cell that was cut also contained enzymes and amino acids, so the enzymes and amino acids were also separated. The separated enzymes and sulfur rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide. This chemical easily vaporizes and floats up into contact with your eyes. Your eyes shed tears in order to stop the chemical from irritating the body. As a result, onions make you cry because of chemicals and your immune response.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: Why Onions Make You Cry
		+
		+	It has happened to us all, you're cutting onions and you suddenly find yourself crying, seemingly out of nowhere. But why do people react to onions by crying? According to scientists, the reason for the tears is that when you cut into an onion, you are breaking many of its cells that have absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil where it grew. Each cell that is cut also contains enzymes and amino acids, which also get separated as you slice. The separated enzymes and sulfur-rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide. This chemical easily vaporizes and floats up into contact with your eyes. Your eyes shed tears in order to stop the chemical from irritating the body. In conclusion, onions make you cry because your body is attempting to protect you from the chemicals that are released when you cut into them.
		+
		+	***You need to work on: grammar and making sure you think about the reader. Are you providing all the information they need to understand your purpose for writing? Are you presenting the information in an interesting way?
		+
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+	Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-onions-make-you-cry
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		+	-----
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		+
		+	'''Tail-less Lizards Learn How to Walk'''
		+	***Edited for clarity; How Tail-less Lizards Adapt to Walking
		+
		+	Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach its tail and regenerate it.
		+	***Edited for grammar; Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach their tails and regenerate them.
		+
		+	However, after losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the gecko adapts to walking without a tail with a sprawled posture and by walking with their legs splayed farther from their body.
		+	***Edited for fluidity and quotation marks added for a direct quote; After losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the geckos adapt to walking without a tail by splaying their legs farther from their body and adopting a "sprawled posture."
		+
		+	Chapman University biologist, Kevin Jagnandan, conducted a experiment to test if the tail helped the geckos walk.
		+	***Edited for fluidity and grammar; Chapman University biologist Kevin Jagnandan conducted an experiment to test if the loss of tail mass or the loss of tail movement was the cause of the new posture that the geckos adopt.
		+
		+	He tested 10 geckos walking with their tail, with their tail restrained by a glued on fishing rod, and with a self-amputated tail.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; He tested ten geckos with their tails in three different states: some with an unrestrained tail, some with their tail restrained by a glued-on fishing rod, and some with a self-amputated tail.
		+
		+	The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizard maintain balance and stability as they walk.
		+	***Edited for grammar; The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the developed posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizards to maintain balance and stability as they walk.
		+
		+	In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos are like that because their tails are missing, and they need to balance themselves without their tails.
		+	***Edited for grammar; In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos is more sprawled because their tails are missing and they need to balance themselves without their tails.
		+
		+	Tail-less Lizards Learn How to Walk
		+
		+	Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach its tail and regenerate it. However, after losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the gecko adapts to walking without a tail with a sprawled posture and by walking with their legs splayed farther from their body. Chapman University biologist, Kevin Jagnandan, conducted a experiment to test if the tail helped the geckos walk. He tested 10 geckos walking with their tail, with their tail restrained by a glued on fishing rod, and with a self-amputated tail. The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizard maintain balance and stability as they walk. In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos are like that because their tails are missing, and they need to balance themselves without their tails.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: How Tail-less Lizards Adapt to Walking
		+
		+	Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach their tails and regenerate them. After losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the geckos adapt to walking without a tail by splaying their legs farther from their body and adopting a "sprawled posture." Chapman University biologist Kevin Jagnandan conducted an experiment to test if the loss of tail mass or the loss of tail movement was the cause of the new posture that the geckos adopt. He tested ten geckos with their tails in three different states: some with an unrestrained tail, some with their tail restrained by a glued-on fishing rod, and some with a self-amputated tail.  The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the developed posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizards to maintain balance and stability as they walk. In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos is more sprawled because their tails are missing and they need to balance themselves without their tails.
		+
		+	***You need to work on: grammar (make sure you pay attention to subject-verb agreement when your subject is plural).
		+
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+	Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/lizards-learn-a-silly-walk-after-losing-their-tails/
		+
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		+	-----
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		+
		+	'''How the Flu Causes A Death'''
		+	***Edited for clarity; How the Flu Can Cause Death
		+
		+	A twenty year old woman had felt sick and left work early, but later, she acquired worse symptoms and soon she was transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital, but soon died, with pneumonia.
		+	***Edited for paragraph structure, if you are going to give an example like this it is important to use as many specific details as possible and to make sure that it ties in with the rest of your information; The flu results in death for hundreds of thousands people each year. One such occurrence happened to twenty-one-year-old Alani Murrieta. She had been feeling sick and left her work early, later developing worse symptoms and being transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital. Unfortunately, she soon died from pneumonia.
		+
		+	The way the flu kills the body is indirect; the flu makes the body kill itself.
		+	***Edited for paragraph structure; Due to the high number of flu-related deaths, it is important to understand how the flu causes death. The way the flu kills the body is indirect; it makes the body kill itself.
		+
		+	When the immune system is trying to get rid of the fluid in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong, destroying many tissues in the lung, which can make you get enough oxygen and make you die.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; For example, as the immune system is trying to get rid of the virus in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong and can destroy too much lung tissue, making it difficult for the body to get the oxygen it needs and ultimately resulting in death.
		+
		+	In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or a organ fails because of an infection.
		+	***Edited for grammar; In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or an organ fails because of an infection.
		+
		+	Usually, the symptoms of a flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can make the immune system divided in fighting off infections at different parts of the body, leading to the overwhelming  of the immune system and death.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; In most cases, the symptoms of the flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can force the immune system to divide to fight off infections at different parts of the body, overwhelming the immune system and leading to death.
		+
		+	Overall, the flu can kill people, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; The flu can be a dangerous virus to contract, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.
		+
		+	How the Flu Causes A Death
		+
		+	A twenty year old woman had felt sick and left work early, but later, she acquired worse symptoms and soon she was transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital, but soon died, with pneumonia. The way the flu kills the body is indirect; the flu makes the body kill itself. When the immune system is trying to get rid of the fluid in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong, destroying many tissues in the lung, which can make you get enough oxygen and make you die. In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or a organ fails because of an infection. Usually, the symptoms of a flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can make the immune system divided in fighting off infections at different parts of the body, leading to the overwhelming  of the immune system and death. Overall, the flu can kill people, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article:  How the Flu Can Cause Death
		+
		+	The flu results in death for hundreds of thousands of people each year. One such occurrence happened to twenty-one-year-old Alani Murrieta. She had been feeling sick and left her work early, later developing worse symptoms and being transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital. Unfortunately, she soon died from pneumonia. Due to the high number of flu-related deaths, it is important to understand how the flu causes death. The way the flu kills the body is indirect; it makes the body kill itself. For example, as the immune system is trying to get rid of the virus in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong and can destroy too much lung tissue, making it difficult for the body to get the oxygen it needs and ultimately resulting in death. In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or an organ fails because of an infection.  In most cases, the symptoms of the flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can force the immune system to divide to fight off infections at different parts of the body, overwhelming the immune system and leading to death. The flu can be a dangerous virus to contract, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.
		+
		+	***You need to work on paragraph structure and grammar.
		+
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+	Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-does-the-flu-actually-kill-people/
		+
Line 9:		Line 354:
−	Henry's Page	+
		+	'''How Bacteria May Help Regulate Blood Pressure'''
		+	***Edited from original source title; Bacteria May Regulate Blood Pressure Through Smell Receptors
		+
		+	The idea was first discovered when Jennifer Pluznick saw a smell receptor in the kidneys that made her wonder what it was for.
		+	***Edited for clarity; Jennifer Pluznick was studying kidneys when she discovered a smell receptor; a protein that did not seem to have any purpose in the function of kidneys.
		+
		+	However, as she studied it with her team, she found out that the kidney receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that lives in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and the blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood.
		+	***Edited for clarity and grammar; However, as she studied the smell receptor with her team, she found out that it receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that live in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood.
		+
		+	The smell receptor notices acetate and propionate, which is released by bacteria when digesting fiber, and it creates renin, a hormone, to make blood vessels smaller to raise blood flow.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; The smell receptor responds the acetate and propionate that are released by bacteria when digesting fiber by in turn creating renin, a hormone that makes blood vessels smaller to increase blood pressure.
		+
		+	However, this smell receptor wasn't the only smell receptor with these weird jobs.
		+	***Edited for fluidity and grammar; The smell receptor found in the kidneys is not the only protein of its type with this job.
		+
		+	There was another receptor present in blood vessels, which on the other hand, made the vessel bigger rather than smaller, to lower blood flow.
		+	***Edited for fluidity and grammar; There is another receptor present in blood vessels that alternatively lower blood pressure by making the vessels larger.
		+
		+	Overall, bacteria, which create acetate and proprionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow, or blood pressure.
		+	***Edited for grammar; Overall, Pluznick discovered that bacteria create acetate and propionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow or blood pressure.
		+
		+	How Bacteria May Help Regulate Blood Pressure
		+
		+	The idea was first discovered when Jennifer Pluznick saw a smell receptor in the kidneys that made her wonder what it was for. However, as she studied it with her team, she found out that the kidney receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that lives in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and the blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood. The smell receptor notices acetate and propionate, which is released by bacteria when digesting fiber, and it creates renin, a hormone, to make blood vessels smaller to raise blood flow. However, this smell receptor wasn't the only smell receptor with these weird jobs. There was another receptor present in blood vessels, which on the other hand, made the vessel bigger rather than smaller, to lower blood flow. Overall, bacteria, which create acetate and proprionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow, or blood pressure.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: Bacteria May Regulate Blood Pressure Through Smell Receptors
		+
		+	Jennifer Pluznick was studying kidneys when she discovered a smell receptor; a protein that did not seem to have any purpose in the function of kidneys. However, as she studied the smell receptor with her team, she found out that it receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that live in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood. The smell receptor responds the acetate and propionate that are released by bacteria when digesting fiber by in turn creating renin, a hormone that makes blood vessels smaller to increase blood pressure. The smell receptor found in the kidneys is not the only protein of its type with this job. There is another receptor present in blood vessels that alternatively lower blood pressure by making the vessels larger. Overall, Pluznick discovered that bacteria create acetate and propionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow or blood pressure.
		+
		+	***You need to work on making sure each of your sentences make sense in the context of your entire paragraph.
		+
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+	Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-bacteria-may-help-regulate-blood-pressure/
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	-----
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	'''Electric Eel-Inspired Devices Could Power Artificial Organs'''
		+	***Nice title!
		+
		+	The first prototype inspired by electric eels runs on salt and water, but scientists hope that these electrical devices can run on bodily fluids in the future.
		+	***Edited for clarity; A device to be used to power electrical devices in the body has been invented by scientists inspired by electric eels. Their first prototype runs on salt and water, but they hope to have them running on bodily fluids in the future.
		+
		+	Scientists got this idea from the knifefish, or electric eel, which can discharge up to 600 volts with special cells called electrocytes.
		+	***Edited for fluidity and grammar; The electric eel, or knifefish, which can discharge up to 600 volts of electricity with special cells called electrolytes.
		+
		+	Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and made 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrocytes appear in.
		+	***Edited for grammar; Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrolytes appear.
		+
		+	The team wants to try to make the battery-like organ even better by making the membrane even thinner like an eel's organ and cells, to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; The team wants to try to make the organ-like battery even better by making the membrane on each cell even thinner like an eel's organs and cells to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts.
		+
		+	They also want the organ to be able to use body fluids instead of salts and water, like the eel, which uses it metabolic energy.
		+	***Edited for grammar and clarity; They also want to be able to mimic the way eels use their metabolic energy to aid in replacing the use of salts and water with bodily fluids.
		+
		+	In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric ells.
		+	***Edited for grammar; In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric eels.
		+
		+	'''Electric Eel-Inspired Devices Could Power Artificial Organs'''
		+
		+	The first prototype inspired by electric eels runs on salt and water, but scientists hope that these electrical devices can run on bodily fluids in the future. Scientists got this idea from the knifefish, or electric eel, which can discharge up to 600 volts with special cells called electrocytes. Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and made 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrocytes appear in. The team wants to try to make the battery-like organ even better by making the membrane even thinner like an eel's organ and cells, to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts. They also want the organ to be able to use body fluids instead of salts and water, like the eel, which uses it metabolic energy. In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric ells.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: Electric Eel-Inspired Devices Could Power Artificial Organs
		+
		+	A device to be used to power electrical devices in the body has been invented by scientists inspired by electric eels. Their first prototype runs on salt and water, but they hope to have them running on bodily fluids in the future. The electric eel, or knifefish, which can discharge up to 600 volts of electricity with special cells called electrolytes. Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrolytes appear. The team wants to try to make the organ-like battery even better by making the membrane on each cell even thinner like an eel's organs and cells to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts. They also want to be able to mimic the way eels use their metabolic energy to aid in replacing the use of salts and water with bodily fluids. In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric eels.
		+
		+	***You need to work on: grammar and paragraph structure. Good job on your title!
		+
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+	Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/electric-eel-inspired-devices-could-power-artificial-human-organs/
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	-----
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	'''Antifreeze Molecules Can Preserve Fresh Organs Even Longer'''
		+	***Edited for clarity; Antifreeze Molecules Could Allow Organs to Freeze at a Slower Rate
		+
		+	Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. Scientists have found that the proteins in them had allowed it and they experimented the proteins on rats to see whether the proteins would work on all organisms.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. These molecules are related to a protein in the organisms and scientists experimented with this protein on rats to see if it could function in all organisms.
		+
		+	However, the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and extremely toxic to some species.
		+	***Edited for clarity; Through their experiments on rats, they discovered that the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and can be extremely toxic to some species.
		+
		+	Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop the ice crystals from forming, so that it doesn't freeze the organs.
		+	***Edited for clarity; Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had a similar antifreeze function as the protein. It has both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop ice crystals from forming in the organs.
		+
		+	This molecule has the potential to save many people and organisms from having their organs freeze, since it is nontoxic to possibly most organisms. This antifreeze molecule, even though it isn't a protein, works just like the antifreeze protein without the same appearance.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; This new molecule, inspired by the antifreeze protein, has the potential to save many organisms from having their organs freeze since it is potentially nontoxic to most organisms.
		+
		+
		+	'''Antifreeze Molecules Can Preserve Fresh Organs Even Longer'''
		+	Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. Scientists have found that the proteins in them had allowed it and they experimented the proteins on rats to see whether the proteins would work on all organisms. However, the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and extremely toxic to some species. Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop the ice crystals from forming, so that it doesn't freeze the organs. This molecule has the potential to save many people and organisms from having their organs freeze, since it is nontoxic to possibly most organisms. This antifreeze molecule, even though it isn't a protein, works just like the antifreeze protein without the same appearance.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: Antifreeze Molecules Could Allow Organs to Freeze at a Slower Rate
		+	Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. These molecules are related to a protein in the organisms and scientists experimented with this protein on rats to see if it could function in all organisms. Through their experiments on rats, they discovered that the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and can be extremely toxic to some species. Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had a similar antifreeze function as the protein. It has both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop ice crystals from forming in the organs. This new molecule, inspired by the antifreeze protein, has the potential to save many organisms from having their organs freeze since it is potentially nontoxic to most organisms.
		+
		+	***You need to work on: paragraph structure. Make sure to include your source!
		+
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	-----
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	'''Secret Chord in Music to Happiness?'''
		+	***Edited for clarity; Secret Chord in Music Key to Happiness?
		+
		+	Scientists have been researching how music can make the listener feel positive and happy.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; Scientists have been researching how much can make listeners feel positive and happy.
		+
		+	Apparently, the key to this happiness and joy is the "7th chord" which is a chord with 4 notes rather than the regular 3 notes.
		+	***Edited for fluidity and clarity; According to their research, the key to this happiness and joy are seventh chords, which are chords that have four notes rather than the regular three.
		+
		+	However, the chord has its own function and purpose, so it cannot be used just as the same with a major or minor chord.
		+	***Edited for clarity; However, seventh chords have their own function and purpose, so they cannot be used to replace the function of major and minor chords.
		+
		+	In the end, people still believe that the words in the music has the greatest effect in how affects the listener's emotions, despite it's just a feeling of whether it affects the actual emotions or not.
		+	***Edited for grammar; Overall, people still believe that the lyrics in music have the greatest effect on the listeners' emotions. However, scientists do not know if this effect is just a feeling or if music impacts one's actual emotions.
		+
		+	Despite music being more than just the words and how it sounds, some people believe that's all there is to it.
		+	***Edited for clarity; Despite the proof that there is more to music than just the lyrics and how it sounds, some people still believe that these surface-level aspects are all there is to it.
		+
		+	'''Secret Chord in Music to Happiness?'''
		+
		+	Scientists have been researching how music can make the listener feel positive and happy. Apparently, the key to this happiness and joy is the "7th chord" which is a chord with 4 notes rather than the regular 3 notes. However, the chord has its own function and purpose, so it cannot be used just as the same with a major or minor chord. In the end, people still believe that the words in the music has the greatest effect in how affects the listener's emotions, despite it's just a feeling of whether it affects the actual emotions or not. Despite music being more than just the words and how it sounds, some people believe that's all there is to it.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: Secret Chord in Music Key to Happiness?
		+	Scientists have been researching how much can make listeners feel positive and happy. According to their research, the key to this happiness and joy are seventh chords, which are chords that have four notes rather than the regular three. However, seventh chords have their own function and purpose, so they cannot be used to replace the function of major and minor chords. Overall, people still believe that the lyrics in music have the greatest effect on the listeners' emotions. However, scientists do not know if this effect is just a feeling or if music impacts one's actual emotions. Despite the proof that there is more to music than just the lyrics and how it sounds, some people still believe that these surface-level aspects are all there is to it.
		+
		+	***You need to work on: grammar, being specific with the information you're providing, and sentence structure.
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+	Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/have-scientists-found-a-secret-chord-for-happy-songs/
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	-----
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	'''Six Reasons Why Smartphones Cannot Replace Our Brains'''
		+	***This is good! You summarize the original title without excluding important information!
		+
		+	1. You would need access details so often, that we tend to memorize things. Therefore, if we were to just use our phones instead of our memorization, we would waste so much time searching up and finding details that would help us in everyday life.
		+	***Edited for grammar and clarity; Smartphones are typically used to replace having to memorize information, but we often have to memorize things so that we do not waste time looking up and finding information that we use in everyday life.
		+
		+	2. You would need to know the basics society and culture, which can't be found online most of the time. For instance, you won't be able to search up every single joke someone makes based on the culture and society.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; You need to understand how society and cultures operate, which cannot be found online. For instance, you will not be able to look up the context for every culturally relevant joke that someone makes.
		+
		+	3. Memorization allows you to remember people close to you's personal data, such as their birthdays, names, and more. If you try to find their "data" on your phone in front of them, it would hurt their feelings in that you don't care enough to remember them and their birthdays, name, and more.
		+	***Edited for grammar; Memorization allows you to remember the personal data (such as birthdays, names, etc.) of people close to you, if you attempted to find this information on your phone, it would hurt their feelings and make having a relationship with anyone difficult.
		+
		+	4. In order to even log into your phones, accounts, or almost anything, you would have to remember your credit card information, your phone number, and etc. You still need to memorize things, even with a phone, and if you lost your phone, you would need to "remember" where you last put it.
		+	***Edited for grammar; In order to even log into your phone and personal accounts, you have to remember your credit card information, phone number, and various passwords. Even with a smartphone, you have to memorize information to access its functions and remember where it is located at all times.
		+
		+	5. By not remembering anything, you would have to search up everything on your phone, which can waste most of your time, so your productivity would be impacted heavily.
		+	***Edited for clarity; Having to look up everything on your smartphone would also waste most of your time and your productivity would be heavily impacted.
		+
		+	6. You would still need to know what to look up when you are searching for something on your phone, such as what search engine you will use and what you want to search up. Thus, you still have to remember these information in your brain.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; Even if you found a solution to all of the above problems, humans would still need to know how and what to search for on their smartphones, thus we would still need to store this information in our brains.
		+
		+
		+	'''Six Reasons Why Smartphones Cannot Replace Our Brains'''
		+
		+	1. You would need access details so often, that we tend to memorize things. Therefore, if we were to just use our phones instead of our memorization, we would waste so much time searching up and finding details that would help us in everyday life.
		+
		+	2. You would need to know the basics society and culture, which can't be found online most of the time. For instance, you won't be able to search up every single joke someone makes based on the culture and society.
		+
		+	3. Memorization allows you to remember people close to you's personal data, such as their birthdays, names, and more. If you try to find their "data" on your phone in front of them, it would hurt their feelings in that you don't care enough to remember them and their birthdays, name, and more.
		+
		+	4. In order to even log into your phones, accounts, or almost anything, you would have to remember your credit card information, your phone number, and etc. You still need to memorize things, even with a phone, and if you lost your phone, you would need to "remember" where you last put it.
		+
		+	5. By not remembering anything, you would have to search up everything on your phone, which can waste most of your time, so your productivity would be impacted heavily.
		+
		+	6. You would still need to know what to look up when you are searching for something on your phone, such as what search engine you will use and what you want to search up. Thus, you still have to remember these information in your brain.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: Smartphones are typically used to replace having to memorize information, but we often have to memorize things so that we do not waste time looking up and finding information that we use in everyday life. You need to understand how society and cultures operate, which cannot be found online. For instance, you will not be able to look up the context for every culturally relevant joke that someone makes. Memorization allows you to remember the personal data (such as birthdays, names, etc.) of people close to you, if you attempted to find this information on your phone, it would hurt their feelings and make having a relationship with anyone difficult. In order to even log into your phone and personal accounts, you have to remember your credit card information, phone number, and various passwords. Even with a smartphone, you have to memorize information to access its functions and remember where it is located at all times.  Having to look up everything on your smartphone would also waste most of your time and your productivity would be heavily impacted. Even if you found a solution to all of the above problems, humans would still need to know how and what to search for on their smartphones, thus we would still need to store this information in our brains.
		+
		+	***You need to work on: grammar, providing all important information, and sentence structure.
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+	Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/pogue-6-reasons-why-smartphones-wont-replace-our-brains/
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	-----
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	'''Genetically Modified Moths Kill Their Own Kind'''
		+	***Edited for clarity; Genetically Modified Moths Engineered To Kill Their Own Kind
		+
		+	Moths occasionally feed on crops in farms, destroying plenty of food in the world.
		+	***Edited for word choice and sentence structure; Moths feed on crops for most of the year, which destroys the potential of farms to produce food.
		+
		+	To stop this from happening throughout most of the year, scientists genetically engineered them to destroy other moths.
		+	***Edited for fluidity and sentence structure; To stop this from happening, scientists have genetically engineered male moths to destroy the wild moths that prey on these crops.
		+
		+	The scientists gave the male moths a gene in which it kills descendants and offspring when reproduced with female moths.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; The scientists breed a gene into the male moths that will kill their offspring after they reproduce with wild female moths.
		+
		+	They breed these moths in a lab and release them later during spring and summer to kill off the moths feeding on the crops once they reproduce.
		+	***Edited for fluidity; The moths are grown in a lab and released during the spring and summer to kill off the moths that are feeding on the crops.
		+
		+	The daughters of the moths die, so that male moths cannot reproduce with them, so in time, the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinct.
		+	***Edited for clarity and sentence structure; Eventually, there will be no remaining wild female moths and the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinction.
		+
		+	This may not kill all the moths, since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there.
		+	***Edited for grammar; However, this may not kill all the moths since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there.
		+
		+	Furthermore, the lab in New York, in which the males are being bred, cannot release the males to the whole world, before they die.
		+	***Edited for grammar; Furthermore, the lab in New York in which the males are being bred cannot release them to the whole world before they die.
		+
		+
		+	'''Genetically Modified Moths Kill Their Own Kind'''
		+
		+	Moths occasionally feed on crops in farms, destroying plenty of food in the world. To stop this from happening throughout most of the year, scientists genetically engineered them to destroy other moths. The scientists gave the male moths a gene in which it kills descendants and offspring when reproduced with female moths. They breed these moths in a lab and release them later during spring and summer to kill off the moths feeding on the crops once they reproduce. The daughters of the moths die, so that male moths cannot reproduce with them, so in time, the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinct. This may not kill all the moths, since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there. Furthermore, the lab in New York, in which the males are being bred, cannot release the males to the whole world, before they die.
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: Genetically Modified Moths Engineered To Kill Their Own Kind. Moths feed on crops for most of the year, which destroys the potential of farms to produce food. To stop this from happening, scientists have genetically engineered male moths to destroy the wild moths that prey on these crops. The scientists breed a gene into the male moths that will kill their offspring after they reproduce with wild female moths. The moths are grown in a lab and released during the spring and summer to kill off the moths that are feeding on the crops. Eventually, there will be no remaining wild female moths and the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinction. However, this may not kill all the moths since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there. Furthermore, the lab in New York in which the males are being bred cannot release them to the whole world before they die.
		+
		+	***You need to work on: sentence structure, grammar, and word choice.
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+	Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sex-battle-in-the-sky-genetically-modified-moths-to-take-flight-in-new-york/
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	-----
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+
		+	'''Worms Inspire Waste-Degrading Tools'''
		+	*** Edited for fluidity; Wax Worms Inspire the Development of Waste-Degrading Tools
		+
		+	People create approximately 300 million tons of plastic, or 600 million pounds.
		+	***You could reorder this sentence to make it more fluid, you also need to be sure to include all relevant information; for example, People create approximately 300 million tons, or 600 million pounds, of plastic trash each year.
		+
		+	About half of that stays in landfills.
		+	***Sentence would be more effective if it was longer and you used different wording; About half of this trash is deposited in landfills, which pollutes the Earth's oceans.
		+
		+	However, researchers in Spain and England found a worm, the wax moth's larvae, that can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, or plastic.
		+	***This sentence is good, just add a bit more information for clarity; However, researchers in Spain and England have discovered that the wax moth's larvae can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, which many plastics are made of.
		+
		+	Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13 percent of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours.
		+	***Corrected for grammar; Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours, and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13% of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours.
		+
		+	The wax worms had evolved a mechanism in order to break down the plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol.
		+	*** Either move this sentence above the first one, or reword it to connect it to the previous sentence topic; The reason the wax worms are so effective at degrading the plastic is that they have evolved a mechanism that allows them to break down plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol.
		+
		+	In the future, scientists plan to figure out what makes the wax worms degrade the plastic and apply the findings to get rid of the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.
		+	***Corrected for clarity; In the future, scientists plan to research how this mechanism works and then use their findings to eliminate the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.
		+
		+	Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/plastic-eating-worms-could-inspire-waste-degrading-tools1/
		+
		+
		+	'''Worms Inspire Waste-Degrading Tools'''
		+
		+	People create approximately 300 million tons of plastic, or 600 million pounds. About half of that stays in landfills. However, researchers in Spain and England found a worm, the wax moth's larvae, that can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, or plastic. Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13 percent of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours. The wax worms had evolved a mechanism in order to break down the plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol. In the future, scientists plan to figure out what makes the wax worms degrade the plastic and apply the findings to get rid of the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.
		+
		+
		+	Fully Edited Article: Wax Worms Inspire the Development of Waste-Degrading Tools
		+	People create approximately 300 million tons, or 600 million pounds, of plastic trash each year. About half of this trash is deposited in landfills, which pollutes the Earth's oceans. However, researchers in Spain and England have discovered that the wax moth's larvae can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, which many plastics are made of. Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours, and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13% of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours. The reason the wax worms are so effective at degrading the plastic is that they have evolved a mechanism that allows them to break down plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol. In the future, scientists plan to research how this mechanism works and then use their findings to eliminate the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.
		+
		+	***You need to work on: making sentences more fluid and including all relevant details.
		+
		+	Edited by Laurel Copes
		+
		+
		+
		+	-----

---

Revision as of 05:01, 22 May 2018

How the Rainbow Flag Became the LGBT Symbol

• • • Edited for article (the, a, an) use; How the Rainbow Flag Became an LGBT Symbol

During June, gay pride month, many rainbow flags are held in honor of gay and LGBT pride.

• • • Edited for clarity, since the flag is for all people who identify as LGBT, I changed the nouns to be more inclusive; During June, LGBT Pride Month, many rainbow flags are flown in honor of LGBT pride.

The rainbow flag came to be what it is now when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials of the U.S., urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride.

• • • Edited for fluidity, your opening here is a little wordy so I condensed it; The rainbow flag originated when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials in the United States, urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride.

Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought a flag would suit gays the most since a flag "proclaimed [the gays'] visibility or saying, 'This is who I am!'" Baker thought the rainbow was a natural flag from the sky, so he designed the gay pride flag from a rainbow.

• • • Edited for inclusivity; Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought it would suit the LGBT community since a flag "proclaimed visibility, or saying 'This is who I am'" and because he thought the rainbow was natural flag from the sky.

The flag had 8 colors, hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit. The first version of the flag was first flown on June 25, 1978, during the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade.

• • • Nice!

The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced wit basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow.

• • • Corrected spelling; The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced with basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow.

Until 1994, the flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride, but after the LGBT flag can be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.

• • • Edited for fluidity; The flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride until 1994 when it could be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.

How the Rainbow Flag Became the LGBT Symbol

During June, gay pride month, many rainbow flags are held in honor of gay and LGBT pride. The rainbow flag came to be what it is now when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials of the U.S., urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride. Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought a flag would suit gays the most since a flag "proclaimed [the gays'] visibility or saying, 'This is who I am!'" Baker thought the rainbow was a natural flag from the sky, so he designed the gay pride flag from a rainbow. The flag had 8 colors, hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit. The first version of the flag was first flown on June 25, 1978 during the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade. The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced wit basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow. Until 1994, the flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride, but after the LGBT flag can be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.

Edited Paragraph: How the Rainbow Flag Became an LGBT Symbol

During June, LGBT Pride Month, many rainbow flags are flown in honor of LGBT pride. The rainbow flag originated when Harvey Milk, one of the first openly gay elected officials in the United States, urged Gilbert Baker, an openly gay drag queen, to design a symbol for gay pride. Baker chose the symbol to be a flag because he thought it would suit the LGBT community since a flag "proclaimed visibility, or saying 'This is who I am'" and because he thought the rainbow was natural flag from the sky. The flag had 8 colors, hot pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, turquoise for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for spirit. The first version of the flag was first flown on June 25, 1978, during the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade. The flags were manually made, but because of production issues, the pink and turquoise stripes were removed and indigo was replaced with basic blue to soon form the modern LGBT flag with 6 colors in the form of a rainbow. The flag was not the official symbol of LGBT pride until 1994 when it could be seen waving high in the sky with a lot of pride.

• • • You need to work on being more precise in your summary. Think about how you can convey the most amount of information to your readers and make sure each sentence is working toward your ultimate conclusion. Also work on your use of punctuation, there were a few grammatical errors. Overall, good job!

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/how-did-the-rainbow-flag-become-a-symbol-of-lgbt-pride

Edited by Laurel Copes

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Why Are Oceans Salty?

• • • Edited for clarity; The Reasons Why Oceans Are Salty

Almost 70% of the Earth is water, and 97% of that is saltwater, so out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater and 67.9% saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater.

• • • Edited for clarity and grammar (Comma use and sentence structure); Almost 70% of the Earth is covered in water, with 97% of that being saltwater. Therefore out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater as opposed to the 67.9% of saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater.

The reason why there is a lot of salt in these waters is because of the land.

• • • Edited for fluidity; The reason for the high percentage of salt in Earth's water is because of the land.

When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals as it travels into rivers and into the ocean.

• • • Edited for fluidity; When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals from the land as it travels into rivers and into the ocean.

When it reaches the ocean, because of some biological processes, the dissolved minerals are removed, leaving salt behind.

• • • Edited for clarity; When it reaches the ocean the dissolved minerals are removed through biological processes, leaving the salt behind.

In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that erupt, giving off salt.

• • • Edited for fluidity; In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that give off salt when they erupt.

Why Are Oceans Salty? Almost 70% of the Earth is water, and 97% of that is saltwater, so out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater and 67.9% saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater. The reason why there is a lot of salt in these waters is because of the land. When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals as it travels into rivers and into the ocean. When it reaches the ocean, because of some biological processes, the dissolved minerals are removed, leaving salt behind. In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that erupt, giving off salt.

Fully Edited Article: The Reasons Why Oceans Are Salty Almost 70% of the Earth is covered in water, with 97% of that being saltwater. Therefore out of the whole world, there's only 2.1% freshwater as opposed to the 67.9% of saltwater, yet we can't drink most of the saltwater. The reason for the high percentage of salt in Earth's water is because of the land. When rain falls, it picks up salt and dissolved minerals from the land as it travels into rivers and into the ocean. When it reaches the ocean the dissolved minerals are removed through biological processes, leaving the salt behind. In addition to this, more salt is contributed from underwater volcanoes that give off salt when they erupt.

• • • You need to work on: phrasing in sentence structure and using commas.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-is-the-ocean-salty

---

Chilean Miners Rescued in 2010

• • • Good!

In August 5 of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine.

• • • Edited for grammar (word choice); On August 5th of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine.

Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13, 2010.

• • • Edited for fluidity; Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13th, 2010.

On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out, but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort.

• • • Edited for grammar (comma use); On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort.

After another failure, on August 22, the rescue team found a note that said that the 33 people are okay in the shelter, in Spanish.

• • • Edited for fluidity; After another failure, on August 22nd, the rescue team found a note that said that 33 were okay in the shelter, in Spanish.

The trapped workers ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than 2 days intentionally and water was taken from a spring.

• • • Edited for fluidty; The trapped workers intentionally ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than the 2 days it was intended for and took water from a spring.

By August 23, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies and solid food through ducts.

• • • Edited for grammar (comma use); By August 23rd, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies, and solid food through ducts.

Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which lead to where the workers were located.

• • • Edited for grammar (tense use); Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which led to where the workers were located.

Because of this incident, many of the workers were in trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.

• • • Edited for fluidity; Due to this incident, many of the workers experienced trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.

In August 5 of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine. Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13, 2010. On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out, but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort. After another failure, on August 22, the rescue team found a note that said that the 33 people are okay in the shelter, in Spanish. The trapped workers ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than 2 days intentionally and water was taken from a spring. By August 23, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies and solid food through ducts. Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which lead to where the workers were located. Because of this incident, many of the workers were in trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.

Fully Edited Article: On August 5th of 2010, 33 workers were trapped under the rubble of the San Jose gold and copper mine. Fortunately, these workers were rescued 69 days after on October 13th, 2010. On the day of the mine shaft collapsing, a local emergency team was sent out but failed to save them, so the Chilean government ordered the state mining company to coordinate the rescue effort. After another failure, on August 22nd, the rescue team found a note that said that 33 were okay in the shelter, in Spanish. The trapped workers intentionally ate emergency food once a day which lasted them 17 days rather than the 2 days it was intended for and took water from a spring. By August 23rd, the workers received first aid, lighting supplies, and solid food through ducts. Three drilling plans were conducted and the second drill broke through to an accessible chamber which led to where the workers were located. Due to this incident, many of the workers experienced trauma and started to abuse drugs and alcohol.

• • • You need to work on comma and tense use.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.britannica.com/event/Chile-mine-rescue-of-2010

---

Death By Apple Seeds

• • • Edited for fluidity; Can Humans Die from Apple Seeds?

Apple seeds are actually poisonous and can kill humans.

• • • Nice!

Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly poisonous.

• • • Edited for grammar and clarity; Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly lethal.

However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical.

• • • Edited for grammar: However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has to be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical.

2) The human body can process small amounts of hydrogen cyanide without it being harmful. 3) The average adult has to eat at least over 150 apple seeds (depending on the kind), and since each apple only contains around 5 to 8 seeds, an adult would have to eat many apples consecutively to even acquire the risk of poisoning.

• • • Good!

As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too much.

• • • Edited for grammar; As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too many.

Death By Apple Seeds

Apple seeds are actually poisonous and can kill humans. Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly poisonous. However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical. 2) The human body can process small amounts of hydrogen cyanide without it being harmful. 3) The average adult has to eat at least over 150 apple seeds (depending on the kind), and since each apple only contains around 5 to 8 seeds, an adult would have to eat many apples consecutively to even acquire the risk of poisoning. As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too much.

Fully Edited Article: Can Humans Die from Apple Seeds?

Apple seeds are actually poisonous and can kill humans. Apple seeds and related fruit seeds contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside which can be digested into poisonous hydrogen cyanide, which is highly lethal. However, many requirements need to be fulfilled in order to even have the risk of being poisonous: 1) The amygdalin has to be crushed or chewed in order to release the amygdalin, so a whole unbroken seed will not release this chemical. 2) The human body can process small amounts of hydrogen cyanide without it being harmful. 3) The average adult has to eat at least over 150 apple seeds (depending on the kind), and since each apple only contains around 5 to 8 seeds, an adult would have to eat many apples consecutively to even acquire the risk of poisoning. As a result, even though apple seeds are poisonous, there's no harm in eating them as long as you don't eat too many.

• • • You need to work on grammar and to focus on fluidity.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/can-apple-seeds-kill-you

---

Newly Considered Ocean

• • • Edited for clarity; Scientists Consider Designating New Ocean

Most people would say that there are 4 different oceans, the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, and Arctic oceans, but are there really only four?

• • • Edited for fluidity; Most people would say that there are four different oceans, the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, and the Arctic, but are there really only four?

Well, scientists, have considered the existence of a new ocean called the Southern Ocean, or Antartic Ocean, which surrounds Antartica below 60 degrees S latitude.

• • • Edited for grammar, you could also use a better connection between the first sentence and this one; Well, scientists have considered the existence of a new ocean called the Southern Ocean, or Antartic Ocean, which surrounds Antartica below 60 degrees S latitude.

The reason for separation is because of the difference in temperature, the wind current, and more from the other oceans.

• • • Edited for clarity; The reason for the possible new ocean is that it differs from other oceans in temperature, wind current, and more.

However, the concept of this ocean has not been fully globally accepted by other countries, such as the U.S., New Zealand, and Australia.

• • • Edited for fluidity; However, the concept of this ocean has not been globally accepted by countries such as the United States, New Zealand, and Australia.

Nevertheless, technically, the 4, or 5, oceans can all be seen as one big ocean, since they're all connected by something called the Great Ocean Conveyor Belt, which flows through all the oceans.

• • • Edited for clarity; Additionally, the four, or five, oceans can technically all be seen as one big ocean, since the Great Ocean Conveyor Belt flows through them all.

Overall, depending on perspective, the earth can have 1, 4, or 5 oceans.

• • • Edited for grammar; Overall, depending on perspective, the Earth can have one, four, or five oceans.

Newly Considered Ocean

Most people would say that there are 4 different oceans, the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, and Arctic oceans, but are there really only four? Well, scientists, have considered the existence of a new ocean called the Southern Ocean, or Antartic Ocean, which surrounds Antartica below 60 degrees S latitude. The reason for separation is because of the difference in temperature, the wind current, and more from the other oceans. However, the concept of this ocean has not been fully globally accepted by other countries, such as the U.S., New Zealand, and Australia. Nevertheless, technically, the 4, or 5, oceans can all be seen as one big ocean, since they're all connected by something called the Great Ocean Conveyor Belt, which flows through all the oceans. Overall, depending on perspective, the earth can have 1, 4, or 5 oceans.

Fully Edited Article: Scientists Consider Designating New Ocean

Most people would say that there are four different oceans, the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, and the Arctic, but are there really only four? Well, scientists have considered the existence of a new ocean called the Southern Ocean, or Antartic Ocean, which surrounds Antartica below 60 degrees S latitude. The reason for the possible new ocean is that it differs from other oceans in temperature, wind current, and more. However, the concept of this ocean has not been globally accepted by countries such as the United States, New Zealand, and Australia. Additionally, the four, or five, oceans can technically all be seen as one big ocean, since the Great Ocean Conveyor Belt flows through them all. Overall, depending on perspective, the Earth can have one, four, or five oceans.

• • • This was pretty good! Your grammar was nice here, you just need to work on phrasing. Always keep your audience in mind and focus on how you can present the information in the best way.

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/just-how-many-oceans-are-there

---

Why Onions Make You Cry

• • • Good!

When you're cutting onions, you just start crying out of nowhere.

• • • Edited for fluidity, you want this sentence to hook people into reading the rest of your paragraph; It has happened to us all, you're cutting onions and you suddenly find yourself crying, seemingly out of nowhere. But why do people react to onions by crying?

The reason why is that when you cut onions, you're breaking many onion cells, which had absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil.

• • • Edited for fluidity; According to scientists, the reason for the tears is that when you cut into an onion, you are breaking many of its cells that have absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil where it grew.

Each cell that was cut also contained enzymes and amino acids, so the enzymes and amino acids were also separated.

• • • Edited for grammar, you started in present tense so you need to stay in that tense; Each cell that is cut also contains enzymes and amino acids, which also get separated as you slice.

The separated enzymes and sulfur rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide.

• • • Edited for grammar; The separated enzymes and sulfur-rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide.

This chemical easily vaporizes and floats up into contact with your eyes. Your eyes shed tears in order to stop the chemical from irritating the body.

• • • Good!

As a result, onions make you cry because of chemicals and your immune response.

• • • Edited for clarity; In conclusion, onions make you cry because your body is attempting to protect you from the chemicals that are released when you cut into them.

Why Onions Make You Cry

When you're cutting onions, you just start crying out of nowhere. The reason why is that when you cut onions, you're breaking many onion cells, which had absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil. Each cell that was cut also contained enzymes and amino acids, so the enzymes and amino acids were also separated. The separated enzymes and sulfur rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide. This chemical easily vaporizes and floats up into contact with your eyes. Your eyes shed tears in order to stop the chemical from irritating the body. As a result, onions make you cry because of chemicals and your immune response.

Fully Edited Article: Why Onions Make You Cry

It has happened to us all, you're cutting onions and you suddenly find yourself crying, seemingly out of nowhere. But why do people react to onions by crying? According to scientists, the reason for the tears is that when you cut into an onion, you are breaking many of its cells that have absorbed sulfur from the sun and soil where it grew. Each cell that is cut also contains enzymes and amino acids, which also get separated as you slice. The separated enzymes and sulfur-rich amino acids form unstable sulfenic acids and rearrange to make a chemical called syn-propanethial-S-oxide. This chemical easily vaporizes and floats up into contact with your eyes. Your eyes shed tears in order to stop the chemical from irritating the body. In conclusion, onions make you cry because your body is attempting to protect you from the chemicals that are released when you cut into them.

• • • You need to work on: grammar and making sure you think about the reader. Are you providing all the information they need to understand your purpose for writing? Are you presenting the information in an interesting way?

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.britannica.com/story/why-do-onions-make-you-cry

---

Tail-less Lizards Learn How to Walk

• • • Edited for clarity; How Tail-less Lizards Adapt to Walking

Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach its tail and regenerate it.

• • • Edited for grammar; Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach their tails and regenerate them.

However, after losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the gecko adapts to walking without a tail with a sprawled posture and by walking with their legs splayed farther from their body.

• • • Edited for fluidity and quotation marks added for a direct quote; After losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the geckos adapt to walking without a tail by splaying their legs farther from their body and adopting a "sprawled posture."

Chapman University biologist, Kevin Jagnandan, conducted a experiment to test if the tail helped the geckos walk.

• • • Edited for fluidity and grammar; Chapman University biologist Kevin Jagnandan conducted an experiment to test if the loss of tail mass or the loss of tail movement was the cause of the new posture that the geckos adopt.

He tested 10 geckos walking with their tail, with their tail restrained by a glued on fishing rod, and with a self-amputated tail.

• • • Edited for fluidity; He tested ten geckos with their tails in three different states: some with an unrestrained tail, some with their tail restrained by a glued-on fishing rod, and some with a self-amputated tail.

The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizard maintain balance and stability as they walk.

• • • Edited for grammar; The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the developed posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizards to maintain balance and stability as they walk.

In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos are like that because their tails are missing, and they need to balance themselves without their tails.

• • • Edited for grammar; In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos is more sprawled because their tails are missing and they need to balance themselves without their tails.

Tail-less Lizards Learn How to Walk

Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach its tail and regenerate it. However, after losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the gecko adapts to walking without a tail with a sprawled posture and by walking with their legs splayed farther from their body. Chapman University biologist, Kevin Jagnandan, conducted a experiment to test if the tail helped the geckos walk. He tested 10 geckos walking with their tail, with their tail restrained by a glued on fishing rod, and with a self-amputated tail. The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizard maintain balance and stability as they walk. In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos are like that because their tails are missing, and they need to balance themselves without their tails.

Fully Edited Article: How Tail-less Lizards Adapt to Walking

Leopard geckos are one of the few lizard species that can detach their tails and regenerate them. After losing their tail, which is about 25% of a lizard's body mass, the geckos adapt to walking without a tail by splaying their legs farther from their body and adopting a "sprawled posture." Chapman University biologist Kevin Jagnandan conducted an experiment to test if the loss of tail mass or the loss of tail movement was the cause of the new posture that the geckos adopt. He tested ten geckos with their tails in three different states: some with an unrestrained tail, some with their tail restrained by a glued-on fishing rod, and some with a self-amputated tail. The geckos with their tails restrained developed a stance similar to those without tails, and the conclusion reached based on the experiment was that the developed posture is to compensate for the lack of tail-wagging since the movement of the tail help the lizards to maintain balance and stability as they walk. In conclusion, the stance of tail-less geckos is more sprawled because their tails are missing and they need to balance themselves without their tails.

• • • You need to work on: grammar (make sure you pay attention to subject-verb agreement when your subject is plural).

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/lizards-learn-a-silly-walk-after-losing-their-tails/

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How the Flu Causes A Death

• • • Edited for clarity; How the Flu Can Cause Death

A twenty year old woman had felt sick and left work early, but later, she acquired worse symptoms and soon she was transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital, but soon died, with pneumonia.

• • • Edited for paragraph structure, if you are going to give an example like this it is important to use as many specific details as possible and to make sure that it ties in with the rest of your information; The flu results in death for hundreds of thousands people each year. One such occurrence happened to twenty-one-year-old Alani Murrieta. She had been feeling sick and left her work early, later developing worse symptoms and being transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital. Unfortunately, she soon died from pneumonia.

The way the flu kills the body is indirect; the flu makes the body kill itself.

• • • Edited for paragraph structure; Due to the high number of flu-related deaths, it is important to understand how the flu causes death. The way the flu kills the body is indirect; it makes the body kill itself.

When the immune system is trying to get rid of the fluid in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong, destroying many tissues in the lung, which can make you get enough oxygen and make you die.

• • • Edited for fluidity; For example, as the immune system is trying to get rid of the virus in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong and can destroy too much lung tissue, making it difficult for the body to get the oxygen it needs and ultimately resulting in death.

In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or a organ fails because of an infection.

• • • Edited for grammar; In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or an organ fails because of an infection.

Usually, the symptoms of a flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can make the immune system divided in fighting off infections at different parts of the body, leading to the overwhelming of the immune system and death.

• • • Edited for fluidity; In most cases, the symptoms of the flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can force the immune system to divide to fight off infections at different parts of the body, overwhelming the immune system and leading to death.

Overall, the flu can kill people, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.

• • • Edited for fluidity; The flu can be a dangerous virus to contract, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.

How the Flu Causes A Death

A twenty year old woman had felt sick and left work early, but later, she acquired worse symptoms and soon she was transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital, but soon died, with pneumonia. The way the flu kills the body is indirect; the flu makes the body kill itself. When the immune system is trying to get rid of the fluid in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong, destroying many tissues in the lung, which can make you get enough oxygen and make you die. In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or a organ fails because of an infection. Usually, the symptoms of a flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can make the immune system divided in fighting off infections at different parts of the body, leading to the overwhelming of the immune system and death. Overall, the flu can kill people, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.

Fully Edited Article: How the Flu Can Cause Death

The flu results in death for hundreds of thousands of people each year. One such occurrence happened to twenty-one-year-old Alani Murrieta. She had been feeling sick and left her work early, later developing worse symptoms and being transported to an intensive care unit in the hospital. Unfortunately, she soon died from pneumonia. Due to the high number of flu-related deaths, it is important to understand how the flu causes death. The way the flu kills the body is indirect; it makes the body kill itself. For example, as the immune system is trying to get rid of the virus in the lungs, the immune system's reaction can be too strong and can destroy too much lung tissue, making it difficult for the body to get the oxygen it needs and ultimately resulting in death. In some other cases of death from the flu, when the immune system is busy fighting off a viral infection, a bacterial infection appears and kills the host or an organ fails because of an infection. In most cases, the symptoms of the flu vary, are numerous, and can be mild to severe, which can force the immune system to divide to fight off infections at different parts of the body, overwhelming the immune system and leading to death. The flu can be a dangerous virus to contract, with about 291,000 to 646,000 flu-related deaths each year globally.

• • • You need to work on paragraph structure and grammar.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-does-the-flu-actually-kill-people/

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How Bacteria May Help Regulate Blood Pressure

• • • Edited from original source title; Bacteria May Regulate Blood Pressure Through Smell Receptors

The idea was first discovered when Jennifer Pluznick saw a smell receptor in the kidneys that made her wonder what it was for.

• • • Edited for clarity; Jennifer Pluznick was studying kidneys when she discovered a smell receptor; a protein that did not seem to have any purpose in the function of kidneys.

However, as she studied it with her team, she found out that the kidney receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that lives in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and the blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood.

• • • Edited for clarity and grammar; However, as she studied the smell receptor with her team, she found out that it receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that live in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood.

The smell receptor notices acetate and propionate, which is released by bacteria when digesting fiber, and it creates renin, a hormone, to make blood vessels smaller to raise blood flow.

• • • Edited for fluidity; The smell receptor responds the acetate and propionate that are released by bacteria when digesting fiber by in turn creating renin, a hormone that makes blood vessels smaller to increase blood pressure.

However, this smell receptor wasn't the only smell receptor with these weird jobs.

• • • Edited for fluidity and grammar; The smell receptor found in the kidneys is not the only protein of its type with this job.

There was another receptor present in blood vessels, which on the other hand, made the vessel bigger rather than smaller, to lower blood flow.

• • • Edited for fluidity and grammar; There is another receptor present in blood vessels that alternatively lower blood pressure by making the vessels larger.

Overall, bacteria, which create acetate and proprionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow, or blood pressure.

• • • Edited for grammar; Overall, Pluznick discovered that bacteria create acetate and propionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow or blood pressure.

How Bacteria May Help Regulate Blood Pressure

The idea was first discovered when Jennifer Pluznick saw a smell receptor in the kidneys that made her wonder what it was for. However, as she studied it with her team, she found out that the kidney receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that lives in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and the blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood. The smell receptor notices acetate and propionate, which is released by bacteria when digesting fiber, and it creates renin, a hormone, to make blood vessels smaller to raise blood flow. However, this smell receptor wasn't the only smell receptor with these weird jobs. There was another receptor present in blood vessels, which on the other hand, made the vessel bigger rather than smaller, to lower blood flow. Overall, bacteria, which create acetate and proprionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow, or blood pressure.

Fully Edited Article: Bacteria May Regulate Blood Pressure Through Smell Receptors

Jennifer Pluznick was studying kidneys when she discovered a smell receptor; a protein that did not seem to have any purpose in the function of kidneys. However, as she studied the smell receptor with her team, she found out that it receives messages from the gut microbiome, a symbiotic bacteria that live in the intestines, and that the microbiome works with the kidney and blood vessels to manipulate the flow of blood. The smell receptor responds the acetate and propionate that are released by bacteria when digesting fiber by in turn creating renin, a hormone that makes blood vessels smaller to increase blood pressure. The smell receptor found in the kidneys is not the only protein of its type with this job. There is another receptor present in blood vessels that alternatively lower blood pressure by making the vessels larger. Overall, Pluznick discovered that bacteria create acetate and propionate to induce the two smell receptors to help control blood control and flow or blood pressure.

• • • You need to work on making sure each of your sentences make sense in the context of your entire paragraph.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-bacteria-may-help-regulate-blood-pressure/

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Electric Eel-Inspired Devices Could Power Artificial Organs

• • • Nice title!

The first prototype inspired by electric eels runs on salt and water, but scientists hope that these electrical devices can run on bodily fluids in the future.

• • • Edited for clarity; A device to be used to power electrical devices in the body has been invented by scientists inspired by electric eels. Their first prototype runs on salt and water, but they hope to have them running on bodily fluids in the future.

Scientists got this idea from the knifefish, or electric eel, which can discharge up to 600 volts with special cells called electrocytes.

• • • Edited for fluidity and grammar; The electric eel, or knifefish, which can discharge up to 600 volts of electricity with special cells called electrolytes.

Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and made 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrocytes appear in.

• • • Edited for grammar; Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrolytes appear.

The team wants to try to make the battery-like organ even better by making the membrane even thinner like an eel's organ and cells, to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts.

• • • Edited for fluidity; The team wants to try to make the organ-like battery even better by making the membrane on each cell even thinner like an eel's organs and cells to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts.

They also want the organ to be able to use body fluids instead of salts and water, like the eel, which uses it metabolic energy.

• • • Edited for grammar and clarity; They also want to be able to mimic the way eels use their metabolic energy to aid in replacing the use of salts and water with bodily fluids.

In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric ells.

• • • Edited for grammar; In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric eels.

Electric Eel-Inspired Devices Could Power Artificial Organs

The first prototype inspired by electric eels runs on salt and water, but scientists hope that these electrical devices can run on bodily fluids in the future. Scientists got this idea from the knifefish, or electric eel, which can discharge up to 600 volts with special cells called electrocytes. Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and made 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrocytes appear in. The team wants to try to make the battery-like organ even better by making the membrane even thinner like an eel's organ and cells, to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts. They also want the organ to be able to use body fluids instead of salts and water, like the eel, which uses it metabolic energy. In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric ells.

Fully Edited Article: Electric Eel-Inspired Devices Could Power Artificial Organs

A device to be used to power electrical devices in the body has been invented by scientists inspired by electric eels. Their first prototype runs on salt and water, but they hope to have them running on bodily fluids in the future. The electric eel, or knifefish, which can discharge up to 600 volts of electricity with special cells called electrolytes. Thomas Schroeder, a chemical engineer, and his team mimicked the anatomy of these cells and 2,500 of these units stacked on each other to copy the eel's organs in which electrolytes appear. The team wants to try to make the organ-like battery even better by making the membrane on each cell even thinner like an eel's organs and cells to be able to discharge a higher amount of volts. They also want to be able to mimic the way eels use their metabolic energy to aid in replacing the use of salts and water with bodily fluids. In conclusion, scientists are trying to improve on an artificially created organ that was inspired by electric eels.

• • • You need to work on: grammar and paragraph structure. Good job on your title!

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/electric-eel-inspired-devices-could-power-artificial-human-organs/

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Antifreeze Molecules Can Preserve Fresh Organs Even Longer

• • • Edited for clarity; Antifreeze Molecules Could Allow Organs to Freeze at a Slower Rate

Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. Scientists have found that the proteins in them had allowed it and they experimented the proteins on rats to see whether the proteins would work on all organisms.

• • • Edited for fluidity; Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. These molecules are related to a protein in the organisms and scientists experimented with this protein on rats to see if it could function in all organisms.

However, the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and extremely toxic to some species.

• • • Edited for clarity; Through their experiments on rats, they discovered that the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and can be extremely toxic to some species.

Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop the ice crystals from forming, so that it doesn't freeze the organs.

• • • Edited for clarity; Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had a similar antifreeze function as the protein. It has both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop ice crystals from forming in the organs.

This molecule has the potential to save many people and organisms from having their organs freeze, since it is nontoxic to possibly most organisms. This antifreeze molecule, even though it isn't a protein, works just like the antifreeze protein without the same appearance.

• • • Edited for fluidity; This new molecule, inspired by the antifreeze protein, has the potential to save many organisms from having their organs freeze since it is potentially nontoxic to most organisms.

Antifreeze Molecules Can Preserve Fresh Organs Even Longer Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. Scientists have found that the proteins in them had allowed it and they experimented the proteins on rats to see whether the proteins would work on all organisms. However, the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and extremely toxic to some species. Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop the ice crystals from forming, so that it doesn't freeze the organs. This molecule has the potential to save many people and organisms from having their organs freeze, since it is nontoxic to possibly most organisms. This antifreeze molecule, even though it isn't a protein, works just like the antifreeze protein without the same appearance.

Fully Edited Article: Antifreeze Molecules Could Allow Organs to Freeze at a Slower Rate Scientists have found antifreeze molecules within wood frogs, Arctic fish, and other organisms that allow them to live in the cold. These molecules are related to a protein in the organisms and scientists experimented with this protein on rats to see if it could function in all organisms. Through their experiments on rats, they discovered that the process of obtaining these proteins is very expensive and can be extremely toxic to some species. Thus, they worked to create a new molecule that had a similar antifreeze function as the protein. It has both water repellent and water-loving molecules to stop ice crystals from forming in the organs. This new molecule, inspired by the antifreeze protein, has the potential to save many organisms from having their organs freeze since it is potentially nontoxic to most organisms.

• • • You need to work on: paragraph structure. Make sure to include your source!

Edited by Laurel Copes

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Secret Chord in Music to Happiness?

• • • Edited for clarity; Secret Chord in Music Key to Happiness?

Scientists have been researching how music can make the listener feel positive and happy.

• • • Edited for fluidity; Scientists have been researching how much can make listeners feel positive and happy.

Apparently, the key to this happiness and joy is the "7th chord" which is a chord with 4 notes rather than the regular 3 notes.

• • • Edited for fluidity and clarity; According to their research, the key to this happiness and joy are seventh chords, which are chords that have four notes rather than the regular three.

However, the chord has its own function and purpose, so it cannot be used just as the same with a major or minor chord.

• • • Edited for clarity; However, seventh chords have their own function and purpose, so they cannot be used to replace the function of major and minor chords.

In the end, people still believe that the words in the music has the greatest effect in how affects the listener's emotions, despite it's just a feeling of whether it affects the actual emotions or not.

• • • Edited for grammar; Overall, people still believe that the lyrics in music have the greatest effect on the listeners' emotions. However, scientists do not know if this effect is just a feeling or if music impacts one's actual emotions.

Despite music being more than just the words and how it sounds, some people believe that's all there is to it.

• • • Edited for clarity; Despite the proof that there is more to music than just the lyrics and how it sounds, some people still believe that these surface-level aspects are all there is to it.

Secret Chord in Music to Happiness?

Scientists have been researching how music can make the listener feel positive and happy. Apparently, the key to this happiness and joy is the "7th chord" which is a chord with 4 notes rather than the regular 3 notes. However, the chord has its own function and purpose, so it cannot be used just as the same with a major or minor chord. In the end, people still believe that the words in the music has the greatest effect in how affects the listener's emotions, despite it's just a feeling of whether it affects the actual emotions or not. Despite music being more than just the words and how it sounds, some people believe that's all there is to it.

Fully Edited Article: Secret Chord in Music Key to Happiness? Scientists have been researching how much can make listeners feel positive and happy. According to their research, the key to this happiness and joy are seventh chords, which are chords that have four notes rather than the regular three. However, seventh chords have their own function and purpose, so they cannot be used to replace the function of major and minor chords. Overall, people still believe that the lyrics in music have the greatest effect on the listeners' emotions. However, scientists do not know if this effect is just a feeling or if music impacts one's actual emotions. Despite the proof that there is more to music than just the lyrics and how it sounds, some people still believe that these surface-level aspects are all there is to it.

• • • You need to work on: grammar, being specific with the information you're providing, and sentence structure.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/have-scientists-found-a-secret-chord-for-happy-songs/

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Six Reasons Why Smartphones Cannot Replace Our Brains

• • • This is good! You summarize the original title without excluding important information!

1. You would need access details so often, that we tend to memorize things. Therefore, if we were to just use our phones instead of our memorization, we would waste so much time searching up and finding details that would help us in everyday life.

• • • Edited for grammar and clarity; Smartphones are typically used to replace having to memorize information, but we often have to memorize things so that we do not waste time looking up and finding information that we use in everyday life.

2. You would need to know the basics society and culture, which can't be found online most of the time. For instance, you won't be able to search up every single joke someone makes based on the culture and society.

• • • Edited for fluidity; You need to understand how society and cultures operate, which cannot be found online. For instance, you will not be able to look up the context for every culturally relevant joke that someone makes.

3. Memorization allows you to remember people close to you's personal data, such as their birthdays, names, and more. If you try to find their "data" on your phone in front of them, it would hurt their feelings in that you don't care enough to remember them and their birthdays, name, and more.

• • • Edited for grammar; Memorization allows you to remember the personal data (such as birthdays, names, etc.) of people close to you, if you attempted to find this information on your phone, it would hurt their feelings and make having a relationship with anyone difficult.

4. In order to even log into your phones, accounts, or almost anything, you would have to remember your credit card information, your phone number, and etc. You still need to memorize things, even with a phone, and if you lost your phone, you would need to "remember" where you last put it.

• • • Edited for grammar; In order to even log into your phone and personal accounts, you have to remember your credit card information, phone number, and various passwords. Even with a smartphone, you have to memorize information to access its functions and remember where it is located at all times.

5. By not remembering anything, you would have to search up everything on your phone, which can waste most of your time, so your productivity would be impacted heavily.

• • • Edited for clarity; Having to look up everything on your smartphone would also waste most of your time and your productivity would be heavily impacted.

6. You would still need to know what to look up when you are searching for something on your phone, such as what search engine you will use and what you want to search up. Thus, you still have to remember these information in your brain.

• • • Edited for fluidity; Even if you found a solution to all of the above problems, humans would still need to know how and what to search for on their smartphones, thus we would still need to store this information in our brains.

Six Reasons Why Smartphones Cannot Replace Our Brains

1. You would need access details so often, that we tend to memorize things. Therefore, if we were to just use our phones instead of our memorization, we would waste so much time searching up and finding details that would help us in everyday life.

2. You would need to know the basics society and culture, which can't be found online most of the time. For instance, you won't be able to search up every single joke someone makes based on the culture and society.

3. Memorization allows you to remember people close to you's personal data, such as their birthdays, names, and more. If you try to find their "data" on your phone in front of them, it would hurt their feelings in that you don't care enough to remember them and their birthdays, name, and more.

4. In order to even log into your phones, accounts, or almost anything, you would have to remember your credit card information, your phone number, and etc. You still need to memorize things, even with a phone, and if you lost your phone, you would need to "remember" where you last put it.

5. By not remembering anything, you would have to search up everything on your phone, which can waste most of your time, so your productivity would be impacted heavily.

6. You would still need to know what to look up when you are searching for something on your phone, such as what search engine you will use and what you want to search up. Thus, you still have to remember these information in your brain.

Fully Edited Article: Smartphones are typically used to replace having to memorize information, but we often have to memorize things so that we do not waste time looking up and finding information that we use in everyday life. You need to understand how society and cultures operate, which cannot be found online. For instance, you will not be able to look up the context for every culturally relevant joke that someone makes. Memorization allows you to remember the personal data (such as birthdays, names, etc.) of people close to you, if you attempted to find this information on your phone, it would hurt their feelings and make having a relationship with anyone difficult. In order to even log into your phone and personal accounts, you have to remember your credit card information, phone number, and various passwords. Even with a smartphone, you have to memorize information to access its functions and remember where it is located at all times. Having to look up everything on your smartphone would also waste most of your time and your productivity would be heavily impacted. Even if you found a solution to all of the above problems, humans would still need to know how and what to search for on their smartphones, thus we would still need to store this information in our brains.

• • • You need to work on: grammar, providing all important information, and sentence structure.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/pogue-6-reasons-why-smartphones-wont-replace-our-brains/

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Genetically Modified Moths Kill Their Own Kind

• • • Edited for clarity; Genetically Modified Moths Engineered To Kill Their Own Kind

Moths occasionally feed on crops in farms, destroying plenty of food in the world.

• • • Edited for word choice and sentence structure; Moths feed on crops for most of the year, which destroys the potential of farms to produce food.

To stop this from happening throughout most of the year, scientists genetically engineered them to destroy other moths.

• • • Edited for fluidity and sentence structure; To stop this from happening, scientists have genetically engineered male moths to destroy the wild moths that prey on these crops.

The scientists gave the male moths a gene in which it kills descendants and offspring when reproduced with female moths.

• • • Edited for fluidity; The scientists breed a gene into the male moths that will kill their offspring after they reproduce with wild female moths.

They breed these moths in a lab and release them later during spring and summer to kill off the moths feeding on the crops once they reproduce.

• • • Edited for fluidity; The moths are grown in a lab and released during the spring and summer to kill off the moths that are feeding on the crops.

The daughters of the moths die, so that male moths cannot reproduce with them, so in time, the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinct.

• • • Edited for clarity and sentence structure; Eventually, there will be no remaining wild female moths and the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinction.

This may not kill all the moths, since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there.

• • • Edited for grammar; However, this may not kill all the moths since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there.

Furthermore, the lab in New York, in which the males are being bred, cannot release the males to the whole world, before they die.

• • • Edited for grammar; Furthermore, the lab in New York in which the males are being bred cannot release them to the whole world before they die.

Genetically Modified Moths Kill Their Own Kind

Moths occasionally feed on crops in farms, destroying plenty of food in the world. To stop this from happening throughout most of the year, scientists genetically engineered them to destroy other moths. The scientists gave the male moths a gene in which it kills descendants and offspring when reproduced with female moths. They breed these moths in a lab and release them later during spring and summer to kill off the moths feeding on the crops once they reproduce. The daughters of the moths die, so that male moths cannot reproduce with them, so in time, the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinct. This may not kill all the moths, since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there. Furthermore, the lab in New York, in which the males are being bred, cannot release the males to the whole world, before they die.

Fully Edited Article: Genetically Modified Moths Engineered To Kill Their Own Kind. Moths feed on crops for most of the year, which destroys the potential of farms to produce food. To stop this from happening, scientists have genetically engineered male moths to destroy the wild moths that prey on these crops. The scientists breed a gene into the male moths that will kill their offspring after they reproduce with wild female moths. The moths are grown in a lab and released during the spring and summer to kill off the moths that are feeding on the crops. Eventually, there will be no remaining wild female moths and the moth population will die out, leaving them close to extinction. However, this may not kill all the moths since the males cannot reproduce with every female moth out there. Furthermore, the lab in New York in which the males are being bred cannot release them to the whole world before they die.

• • • You need to work on: sentence structure, grammar, and word choice.

Edited by Laurel Copes

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/sex-battle-in-the-sky-genetically-modified-moths-to-take-flight-in-new-york/

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Worms Inspire Waste-Degrading Tools

• • • Edited for fluidity; Wax Worms Inspire the Development of Waste-Degrading Tools

People create approximately 300 million tons of plastic, or 600 million pounds.

• • • You could reorder this sentence to make it more fluid, you also need to be sure to include all relevant information; for example, People create approximately 300 million tons, or 600 million pounds, of plastic trash each year.

About half of that stays in landfills.

• • • Sentence would be more effective if it was longer and you used different wording; About half of this trash is deposited in landfills, which pollutes the Earth's oceans.

However, researchers in Spain and England found a worm, the wax moth's larvae, that can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, or plastic.

• • • This sentence is good, just add a bit more information for clarity; However, researchers in Spain and England have discovered that the wax moth's larvae can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, which many plastics are made of.

Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13 percent of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours.

• • • Corrected for grammar; Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours, and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13% of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours.

The wax worms had evolved a mechanism in order to break down the plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol.

• • • Either move this sentence above the first one, or reword it to connect it to the previous sentence topic; The reason the wax worms are so effective at degrading the plastic is that they have evolved a mechanism that allows them to break down plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol.

In the future, scientists plan to figure out what makes the wax worms degrade the plastic and apply the findings to get rid of the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.

• • • Corrected for clarity; In the future, scientists plan to research how this mechanism works and then use their findings to eliminate the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.

Source: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/plastic-eating-worms-could-inspire-waste-degrading-tools1/

Worms Inspire Waste-Degrading Tools

People create approximately 300 million tons of plastic, or 600 million pounds. About half of that stays in landfills. However, researchers in Spain and England found a worm, the wax moth's larvae, that can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, or plastic. Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13 percent of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours. The wax worms had evolved a mechanism in order to break down the plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol. In the future, scientists plan to figure out what makes the wax worms degrade the plastic and apply the findings to get rid of the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.

Fully Edited Article: Wax Worms Inspire the Development of Waste-Degrading Tools People create approximately 300 million tons, or 600 million pounds, of plastic trash each year. About half of this trash is deposited in landfills, which pollutes the Earth's oceans. However, researchers in Spain and England have discovered that the wax moth's larvae can efficiently deteriorate polyethylene, which many plastics are made of. Studies show that 100 wax worms can degenerate 92 milligrams of plastic in 12 hours, and a wax worm grub paste could degrade about 13% of plastic films after being pasted for 14 hours. The reason the wax worms are so effective at degrading the plastic is that they have evolved a mechanism that allows them to break down plastic into a by-product, ethylene glycol. In the future, scientists plan to research how this mechanism works and then use their findings to eliminate the plastic in landfills and in the ocean.

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Edited by Laurel Copes

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