The World for Freedom

Revision as of 12:38, 5 June 2020

Teda's Writing's
          According to the story, the letter from Three cheers of father made everyone’s day bright. To begin with, Mrs. March told everyone that after suppper she had a surprise for so i feel like they was eager to see the surprise Mrs. March had for them. Based on the text it states “As they gathered about the table, Mrs. March said, with a particularly happy face, "I've got a treat for you after supper." A quick, bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine. Beth clapped her hands, regardless of the biscuit she held, and Jo tossed up her napkin, crying, "A letter! A letter! Three cheers for Father!" This means that after supper Mrs. March had a surprise for everyone and they might be eager to see what Mrs. March had for them. To add on, Mrs. March had something for the girls too. In the text it states "Hurry and get done! Don't stop to quirk your little finger and simper over your plate, Amy," cried Jo, choking on her tea and dropping her bread, butter side down, on the carpet in her haste to get at the treat. Beth ate no more, but crept away to sit in her shadowy corner and brood over the delight to come, till the others were ready.” This shows that they were eating very fast because they wanted to know what’s inside. In conclusion, this is what made everyone happy.

'Original: According to the story, Beth is scared about people fainting. To begin when then where rehearsing Beth was sacred when they fainted. Based on the text it states “I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.” This means that she is frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead. According to the text it states “Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling. Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her, and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery, and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish. Jo gave a despairing groan, and Meg laughed outright, while Beth let her bread burn as she watched the fun with interest. "It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked if they can do it in another way so they did but then it didn’t work so she said if they audience laugh it’s not my fault. In conclusion, this is what Beth is scared about according to this story.

Edits:

According to the story, Beth is scared about people fainting.

• • • Great first sentence!

To begin when then where rehearsing Beth was sacred when they fainted. Based on the text it states “I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.”

• • • Edited for punctuation: To begin, when they were rehearsing Beth was scared when they fainted. Based on the text it states, "I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.”

Good! Some mistakes were made in the first sentences.

This means that she is frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead.

• • • Edited for clarity: This means that she was frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead.

Good! Make sure to use past tense.

According to the text it states “Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling.

• • • Edited for clarity: According to the text it states, "Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling.

Make sure to add a comma after the word 'states'

Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her, and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery, and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish. Jo gave a despairing groan, and Meg laughed outright, while Beth let her bread burn as she watched the fun with interest.

• • • Great job on this sentence!

"It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked if they can do it in another way so they did but then it didn’t work so she said if they audience laugh it’s not my fault.

• • • Edited for clarity: "It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked them to do it another way so they did but it didn't work. They said if the audience laughed it's not my fault.

Good! Changed some wording around

In conclusion, this is what Beth is scared about according to this story.

• • • Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is what Beth was scared of.

Take out 'according to this story' because we already know this. Great job!

Final Edit:

According to the story, Beth is scared about people fainting. To begin, when they were rehearsing Beth was scared when they fainted. Based on the text it states, "I can't help it. I never saw anyone faint, and I don't choose to make myself all black and blue, tumbling flat as you do. If I can go down easily, I'll drop. If I can't, I shall fall into a chair and be graceful. I don't care if Hugo does come at me with a pistol," returned Amy, who was not gifted with dramatic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be borne out shrieking by the villain of the piece.” This means that she was frightened about people fainting. To add on, Beth asked if they can do it another way instead. According to the text it states, "Do it this way. Clasp your hands so, and stagger across the room, crying frantically, 'Roderigo! Save me! Save me!'" and away went Jo, with a melodramatic scream which was truly thrilling. Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her, and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery, and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish. Jo gave a despairing groan, and Meg laughed outright, while Beth let her bread burn as she watched the fun with interest. "It's no use! Do the best you can when the time comes, and if the audience laughs, don't blame me. Come on, Meg." This shows that Beth asked them to do it another way so they did but it didn't work. They said if the audience laughed it's not my fault. In conclusion, this is what Beth was scared of.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware