The World for Freedom

Revision as of 16:18, 28 April 2020

Godh's writing Page The Boston Dynamics’ robot is assisting by reduce the number of necessary medical staff at the scene. One detail from the passage is that “are able to reduce the number of necessary medical staff at the scene and conserve their limited PPE [personal protective equipment] supply.”

Original: Your brain cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins. One detail from the passage is that “ Now, it appears that snoozing for an average of 8 hours daily enables the brain to cleanse itself and get rid of harmful toxins.” This is what happens to your brain 🧠 when you sleep 💤.

Edits:

Original: The boys are helping the seniors by delivering groceries and necessary supplies they need. One detail is “ by delivering groceries and supplies they need “ This is how the boys are helping the seniors.

Edits:

• • • The boys are helping the seniors by delivering groceries and necessary supplies they need.

Edited for clarity: The boys are helping seniors by delivering groceries and the necessary supplies needed to survive.
Put 'the' in front of 'necessary'

• • • One detail is “ by delivering groceries and supplies they need “ This is how the boys are helping the seniors.

Edited for clarity: One detail in the article is "by delivering groceries and supplies they need" which is how the boys are helping senior citizens.
This paragraph can use a bit more detail. Maybe get one more detail from the article and put it in this paragraph!

Final Edit: The boys are helping seniors by delivering groceries and the necessary supplies needed to survive. One detail in the article is "the boys are delivering groceries and supplies they need" which is how the boys are helping senior citizens.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

Original: One of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated is “Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving Home” One detail is that “ Earth Day which is celebrated annually on April 22 is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection.” This is one of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated.

Edits:

• • • One of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated is “Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving Home”

Edited for grammar and clarity: The article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated as "Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving Home."
Instead of 'one of the article' state that it is 'The article' and also, put a period inside the quotations of the word 'Home'

• • • One detail is that “ Earth Day which is celebrated annually on April 22 is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection.”

Edited for clarity: One detail in the reading is that "Earth day, which is celebrated manually on April 22, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection."
Great job putting the period inside the quotations! Also, add a comma after day and 22.

• • • This is one of the article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated.

Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is an article that reports how Earth Day will be celebrated.
Changed the wording around a little to make the sentence more clear.

Final Edit: The article reports that Earth Day will be celebrated as "Celebrate The 50th Anniversary Of Earth Day Without Leaving Home." One detail in the reading is that "Earth day, which is celebrated manually on April 22, is usually commemorated with outdoor activities demonstrating support for environmental protection." In conclusion, this is an article that reports how Earth Day will be celebrated.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

Original: One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is that he ended childhood hunger. One detail is that “ I will do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger”. Second details are “ Many children , not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids”. This is one of the accomplishments that Willliam has achieved.

Edits:

• • • One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is that he ended childhood hunger.

Edited for fluidity: One accomplishment that William has achieved is that he ended childhood hunger.
Say 'one accomplishment' instead of 'one of the accomplishments'

• • • One detail is that “ I will do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger”.

Edited for punctuation and clarity: One detail in the reading is, "I will do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger."
Explain that this detail was in the reading. Make sure the period is inside the quotation marks, also!

• • • Second details are “ Many children , not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids”.

Edited for punctuation and fluidity: Another detail in the reading states, "Many children, not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids."
The word 'details' needs to be singular and instead of 'second' state 'another detail in the reading.' Also, the period goes inside the quotations!

• • • This is one of the accomplishments that Willliam has achieved.

Edited for fluidity: In conclusion, these are some of the accomplishments William has achieved.
Start the ending sentence with 'In conclusion' and instead of 'this is one' state 'these are some' because there are two accomplishments, not one.

Final Edit: One accomplishment that William has achieved is that he ended childhood hunger. One detail in the reading is, "I will do whatever it takes to end childhood hunger." Another detail in the reading states, "Many children, not just William and Alexander, still help make Food Drive Kids." In conclusion, these are some of the accomplishments William has achieved.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

Original: All people who enter the program does not become astronaut because there are many challenging parts to the training. One detail is that “ There are many challenging parts to the astronaut training.” Seconded detail is that “ Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut.” This is why all people who enter the program does not become astronaut.

Edits:

• • • All people who enter the program does not become astronaut because there are many challenging parts to the training.

Edited for grammar: Everyone who enters the program does not become an astronaut because there are many challenging parts to the training.
Instead of 'all people' use 'everyone' it makes the sense flow better! Astronaut is spelled incorrectly also

• • • One detail is that “ There are many challenging parts to the astronaut training.”

Edited for grammar and clarity: One detail in the reading is that "There are many challenging parts to the astronaut training and "Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut."
Combine these two sentences and say that the detail was in the reading.

• • • Seconded detail is that “ Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut.”

Edited for clarity: Another detail is that not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut.
Quotations do not need to be put here because you are stating it came from the reading.

• • • This is why all people who enter the program does not become astronaut.

Edited for grammar and clarity: In conclusion, this is why some people who enter the program do not become astronauts.
To begin the ending sentence, start with 'In conclusion'

Final Edit: Everyone who enters the program does not become an astronaut because there are many challenging parts to the training. One detail in the reading is that "There are many challenging parts to the astronaut training." Another detail is that not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut. In conclusion, this is why some people who enter the program do not become astronauts.

Edited by: Kelsey Eggsware

Original: The difference of opinion brought out by the Mayor and the Governor is that the mayor says that his opinion is to close school during this whole year. But the Governor says that his opinion is to open the school on June 26. One detail is that “ The mayor announced the school will be closed for the whole year “. This is the difference of opinion brought out by the Mayor and the Governor.

Edits:

• • • The difference of opinion brought out by the Mayor and the Governor is that the mayor says that his opinion is to close school during this whole year. But the Governor says that his opinion is to open the school on June 26.

The difference of opinion between the Mayor and the Governor is that the mayor wants to close school the rest of the school year, while the Governor wants to open schools back up June 26th.
Edited for word choice and fluidity: Changed 'brought out' to between.' Great capitalization skills with the word Mayor and Governor! Combine the first two sentences.

• • • One detail is that “ The mayor announced the school will be closed for the whole year “. This is the difference of opinion brought out by the Mayor and the Governor.

The Mayor concluded that he was closing the close for the whole year which is the difference between him and the Governor.
Edited for clarity: Put in the verb 'concluded' to describe what the mayor is doing. Combined the last two sentences.

Final Edit: The difference of opinion between the Mayor and the Governor is that the mayor wants to close school the rest of the school year, while the Governor wants to open schools back up June 26th. The Mayor concluded that he was closing the close for the whole year which is the difference of opinion between him and the Governor.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

Original: The main idea of this story is about animals taking advantage of humans while the humans stay inside. The text states "The first animal to take advantage of human absence were Annie and Edward,two rockhopper penguins who reside at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium."This is what the main idea of this article is about.

Edits:

• • • The main idea of this story is about animals taking advantage of humans while the humans stay inside.

No edits. Great first sentence

• • • The text states "The first animal to take advantage of human absence were Annie and Edward,two rockhopper penguins who reside at Chicago's Shedd Aquarium."

The text states, "The first animal to take advantage of human absence were Annie and Edward, two rockhopper penguins who reside in Chicago's Shedd Aquarium."
Edited for fluidity and clarity: Put a comma after 'states' and a space after the comma before the word 'two.'

• • • This is what the main idea of this article is about.

In conclusion, this is what the main idea of what this article is about.
Edited for word choice: Start the ending sentence with 'In conclusion.'

Original: The main idea of this story is about animals taking advantage of humans while the humans stay inside. The text states, "The first animal to take advantage of human absence were Annie and Edward, two rockhopper penguins who reside in Chicago's Shedd Aquarium." In conclusion, this is what the main idea of what this article is about.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

Original:The positive good reasons of praticing social distancing is to limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19. One detail is "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes."This is the positive good reason for practicing social distancing.

Edits:

• • • The positive good reasons of praticing social distancing is to limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19.

The positive reasons for practicing social distancing are to limit the spread of the Coronavirus.
Edited for grammar and clarity: Take out the word 'good' and change 'of' to 'for.' Change the word 'is' to 'are' because the word 'reasons' is plural. 'That causes COVID-19' can be taken out.

• • • One detail is "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes."

One detail in the reading was, "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus droplets from coughs and sneezes."
Edited for clarity: Insert 'in the reading' to clarify.

• • • This is the positive good reason for practicing social distancing.

In conclusion, this is why it is important to practice social distancing.
End the last sentence with 'in conclusion.'

Final Edit: The positive reasons for practicing social distancing are to limit the spread of the Coronavirus. One detail in the reading was, "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus droplets from coughs and sneezes." In conclusion, this is why it is important to practice social distancing.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

Original: The reason for the 2020 Olympics in Japan being postponed is because of COVID-19. One detail is that" The 2020 Summer Olympic Games, in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year. This is because of the coronavirus pandemic." This is the reason why the 2020 Olympics is being postponed in Japan.

Edits:

• • • The reason for the 2020 Olympics in Japan being postponed is because of COVID-19.

The 2020 Olympics in Tokyo, Japan are being postponed because of COVID-19.
Take out 'the reason' and put Tokyo in this sentence to explain where the Olympics are occuring.

• • • One detail is that" The 2020 Summer Olympic Games, in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year.

Edited for clarity: One detail in the article is that "The 2020 Summer Olympic Games in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year." This is because of the Coronavirus pandemic.
Make sure you state that the details are within the article. No need for a comma after 'Games." Good job capitalizing Coronavirus!

• • • This is the reason why the 2020 Olympics is being postponed in Japan.

Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this is the reason why the 2020 Olympics are being postponed in Japan.
Add in conclusion because it is the last sentence. Also, change 'is' to 'are'

Final Edit: The 2020 Olympics in Tokyo, Japan are being postponed because of COVID-19. One detail in the article is that "The 2020 Summer Olympic Games in Tokyo, Japan, will be postponed for about a year." This is because of the Coronavirus pandemic. In conclusion, this is the reason why the 2020 Olympics are being postponed in Japan.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

Original: This two activities called Board Games and Card Games seem to be more Fun in home!

I chose these two games because it is fun to play with. The reason why I chose Board Games is that the game Monopoly is a good Board Game . It is a fun way to practice math skills , while also Monopoly teaches savings. So its like learning and fun together .

The reason why I chose Card Games is that games like Uno and Go fish and Old Maid, they are cheap and are easy to find . So you can play cards whenever you want to and wherever you want to , and I promise playing cards is very good

This is why I think these two games will be fun to play with.

Edits: This two activities called Board Games and Card Games seem to be more Fun in home! I chose these two games because it is fun to play with.

Edited for clarity, grammar and fluidity: Two activities that I enjoy playing at home are board games and card games.
Even though I took out the word 'this', it should have been 'these.'

The reason why I chose Board Games is that the game Monopoly is a good Board Game . It is a fun way to practice math skills , while also Monopoly teaches savings.

Edited for punctuation, grammar and clarity: Monopoly is one of my favorite board games because it's a great way to practice math skills and also teaches me the importance of saving money.
This should be one sentence. Also, when using punctuation, do not put a space after the word.

So its like learning and fun together.

Edited for clarity, fluidity and grammar: I enjoy Monopoly because I always have fun when playing it and it also helps me learn.
'its' should be 'it's' because it is a contraction.

The reason why I chose Card Games is that games like Uno and Go fish and Old Maid, they are cheap and are easy to find .

Edited for grammar, punctuation and fluidity: I enjoy card games because some of my favorite games to play are Uno, Go Fish, and Old Maid. These games are very cheap and super easy to find in stores.
Remember, no space before a punctuation.

So you can play cards whenever you want to and wherever you want to , and I promise playing cards is very good.

Edited for fluidity, punctuation and grammar: Having cards handy makes it very easy to play whenever I want, wherever I want which is why I enjoy these two types of games.

Final Edit: Two activities that I enjoy playing at home are board games and card games. Monopoly is one of my favorite board games because it’s a great way to practice math skills and also teaches me the importance of saving money. I enjoy Monopoly because I always have fun playing it and also helps me learn. I enjoy card games because some of my favorite games to play are Uno, Go Fish, and Old Maid. These games are very cheap and super easy to find in stores. Having cards handy makes it very easy to play whenever I want, wherever I want which why I enjoy these two types of games.

Edited by: Kelsey Eggsware