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| − | prda's writing page. | + | prda's writing page. sleeping helps us my giviving us energy and we are lucky to have |
| + | the sleep because if we don't have sleep from a tierding day if | ||
| + | its work or school and if we cant sleep than a glass of milk would | ||
| + | work .If we don't sleep we can have a bad headache and wont be | ||
| + | good and focused in school or work this is how sleeping would help | ||
| + | you and your brain. | ||
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| + | How can we help improve the earth .One way we can help | ||
improve the earth is to not litter, throw rapped food , and | improve the earth is to not litter, throw rapped food , and | ||
grow plants these are the best way to keep the earth clean | grow plants these are the best way to keep the earth clean | ||
Revision as of 21:02, 24 April 2020
prda's writing page. sleeping helps us my giviving us energy and we are lucky to have
the sleep because if we don't have sleep from a tierding day if
its work or school and if we cant sleep than a glass of milk would
work .If we don't sleep we can have a bad headache and wont be
good and focused in school or work this is how sleeping would help
you and your brain.
How can we help improve the earth .One way we can help
improve the earth is to not litter, throw rapped food , and
grow plants these are the best way to keep the earth clean
and with doing all of this we can avoid dessies and breath
nice air avery day by planting air.
Original Version:
How can we help improve the earth .One way we can help improve the earth is to not litter, throw rapped food , and plants these are the best way to keep the earth clean and with doing all of this we can avoid dessies and breath air avery day by planting air.
Corrections:
How can we help improve the earth?
- This is phrased as a question, so it needs to end with a question mark.
One way we can help improve the earth is to not litter, throw rapped food away, and plant things. These are the best ways to keep the earth clean. By doing all of these things, we can avoid diseases every day by having clean air.
- This sentence was originally too long. I edited it so it wasn’t a run-on sentence, splitting it into three sentences. I also corrected the spelling of “wrapped,” as you are talking about the sheathing of something, not “rapped,” which is the action of hitting something or style of singing. Plant what? Make this clear. Because you are talking about multiple strategies to keep the earth clean, “way” should be in the plural form, which is “ways.” I corrected the spelling of “diseases” and “every” as well. “Planting air” didn’t make any sense. I reworded the last half of that sentence to fix the grammar and make it more readable.
Good work! Remember to proofread your writing for spelling errors. Also, try adding a quote from the text to improve your evidence.
Final Version:
How can we help improve the earth? One way we can help improve the earth is to not litter, throw rapped food away, and plant things. These are the best ways to keep the earth clean. By doing all of these things, we can avoid diseases every day by having clean air.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
the boys are helping the seniors by going thru a food
drive wich helped the seniours a lot because they need
food to survive . I know this because in the text is states that
the two boys went to the centers and delivered food. Also they
deliverd the food of not thinking about therselevs and helping other
during there time so it was very generious of them.
Original Version:
the boys are helping the seniors by going thru a food drive wich helped the seniours a lot because they need food to survive . I know this because in the text is states that the two boys went to the centers and delivered food. Also they deliverd the food of not thinking about therselevs and helping other during there time so it was very generious of them.
Corrections:
Two teen boys in Maryland are helping seniors survive by delivering food to them during the COVID-19 crisis.
- The sentence lacked specific information, like who the boys are, how they are helping seniors, and why the seniors couldn’t go outside to get food. I elaborated on these different things to give more context to the paragraph. Also, I corrected the spelling of "seniors." Although I didn't use the word in the edited sentence, make sure to spell the word "through" correctly.
The text states that “in the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering.”
- I deleted the word “I” to make the sentence be in the third person. I also made the introduction to the quote shorter to fix the grammar as well as make it more concise. Also, if you are directly quoting the text, you need to make sure you write it down correctly. After visiting the original text, I did not see this exact quote appear. I added a direct quote from the text to fix this issue. If you intended it to be a paraphrased quote, then it doesn’t need to be the same exact words, but you do not use a quotation mark if that is the case. Also, remember that quotation marks go at the beginning and at the end of the quote.
In conclusion, the two boys are very generous, as they are helping the health of seniors during their free time by delivering food.
- I added the phrase “in conclusion” to help your transition from the quote to your conclusion sentence. The spelling of “themselves” was incorrect, but I deleted the word altogether while rewording the sentence to improve the grammar. In this context, you should use “their,” as you are referring to multiple people. I also corrected the spelling of the word “generous.”
Good job! Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and spacing errors.
Final Version:
Two teen boys in Maryland are helping seniors survive by delivering food to them during the COVID-19 crisis. The text states that “in the service project, teen volunteers maintain the proper social distance from the people they serve and show meticulous care while shopping and delivering.” In conclusion, the two boys are very generous, as they are helping the health of seniors during their free time by delivering food.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
PRDA- Do NOT put space before or after your sentences, too confusing!
Two ways I know the earth is being celebrated because the text states that." this includes planting trees , cleaning road side ,and cleaning the beach this celebrations is on April 22 most of 100 experts help them clean the earth . the text states that "over a wide rang of 100 experts help the cleaners".
Original Version:
Two ways I know the earth is being celebrated because the text states that." this includes planting trees , cleaning road side, and cleaning the beach this celebrations is on April 22 most of 100 experts help them clean the earth . the text states that "over a wide rang of 100 experts help the cleaners".
Corrections:
There are two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated this year.
- You need to specify the name of the day that is celebrated, which is “Earth Day,” so the reader knows what event you are referring to. I also removed “I,” to make your sentence into the third person point of view. I also added “this year” to add further detail to make your subject clear to the reader.
The text states that people are celebrating Earth Day by “planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs.”
- “Because the text states that” doesn’t flow into the quote you are introducing. I rephrased the introduction to the quote to tell the reader how it shows evidence for your point. Also, when using a direct quote from something, you need to make sure you don’t rewrite the words. The quote you used didn’t match exactly with the article. To fix this, I added the complete quote and made it fit in grammatically with the rest of the sentence.
This celebration is on April 22, and experts will come together to help clean the Earth.
- This sentence needs to be separate from the last, as it is a different sentence. To fix this, I added a period at the end of the last sentence and capitalized the first letter of “this” to show that this is a separate sentence. You need a comma after the number “22,” as it is a date that needs a comma proceeding it. I also edited the sentence for grammar. Also, since you mention the number of experts in the next sentence, I deleted here so it would make the paragraph less repetitive.
According to the text, "over a wide range of 100 experts help the cleaners.”
- I corrected the spelling of “range.” Remember as well that periods go inside quotation marks at the end of a sentence. I also rephrased the introduction of the quote to make it more grammatically correct.
In conclusion, the celebration of Earth Day will consist of activities that involve cleaning up the Earth.
- You need a conclusion sentence to sum up the main point of your paragraph. I added an example of one you could use in the sentence above.
Great job! Make sure to separate your sentences by using periods. Also, you need to end your paragraph with a concluding sentence.
Final Version:
There are two ways that Earth Day is being celebrated this year. The text states that people are celebrating Earth Day by "planting trees, collecting roadside or beach trash, and conducting, or participating in, recycling and conservation programs." This celebration is on April 22, and experts will come together to help clean the Earth. According to the text, "over a wide range of 100 experts help the cleaners." In conclusion, the celebration of Earth Day will consist of activities that involve cleaning up the Earth.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
some thing William achieved are. He ended hunger for the poor. Not only did he end hunger he also started the food drive that helped millions of people even on this day.
I know this because the text states that. the founder of the food drive kids. The text also states that he gave free food to people In need.
Original Version:
some thing William achieved are. He ended hunger for the poor.
not only did he end hunger he also started the food drive that helped
millions of people even on this day. I know this because the text states
that. the founder of the food drive kids. The text also states that he gave free
food to people In need.
Corrections:
William has achieved multiple things in the effort to end childhood hunger.
- The first two sentences are fragmented. I combined the two and edited for grammar and clarity. Also, William did not end hunger but is helping so fewer kids are hungry.
One of these accomplishments was starting a food drive that helps millions of people.
- He is currently still working at the food drive, so make sure to speak in the present tense. I rephrased this for grammar and accuracy.
The text states that William is “the founder of Food Drive Kids.”
- I deleted the use of “I,” to make it into the third person. also, the quotation didn’t make sense and fit grammatically with the rest of the sentence. I rephrased the sentence for readability. Also, capitalize Food Drive Kids as it is the name of an organization.
The text also states that “he gave free food to people in need.”
- Make sure to end and begin your quotations with quotation marks. Also, put periods inside the quotation marks at the end of the sentence.
In conclusion, William has achieved many things through his work with Food Drive Kids.
- I added a concluding sentence, as it is necessary. Make sure to summarize the man ideas of your paragraph in the last sentence.
Overall, great work! Make sure to proofread your writing for capitalization and grammar errors.
Final Version:
William has achieved multiple things in the effort to end childhood hunger. One of these accomplishments was starting a food drive that helps millions of people. The text states that William is “the founder of Food Drive Kids.” The text also states that “he gave free food to people in need.” In conclusion, William has achieved many things through his work with Food Drive Kids.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
If someone want to be astronaut there requirements are not esay.
one way that its not esay is that you will have to study every controls
in the rocket and it is very expencive to learn thoes stuff. NASA now
requires a master degree. The text also states that you will also need
a perfect eyesight and also need to be in great physical shape
Original Version:
If someone want to be astronaut there requirements are not esay. one way that its not esay is that you will have to study every controls in the rocket and it is very expencive to learn thoes stuff. NASA now requires a master degree. The text also states that you will also need a perfect eyesight and also need to be in great physical shape
Corrections:
The requirements to become an astronaut are not easy.
- I rephrased the sentence for clarity. I also fixed the spelling of “easy” as well.
One reason being an astronaut is difficult is that they have to study every control. Training for astronauts is expensive as well.
- Capitalize the first word of the sentence. I corrected the spelling of “easy” and “expensive.” I also rephrased the sentence for grammar. I split the sentence into two as it was a bit hard to follow, making the sentence more concise.
The text states, “'NASA now requires a master degree.”
- To integrate the quote into your paragraph, you need to introduce it with an introductory phrase. Also, make sure you put a quotation mark at the end of the quote after the period.
The text also states that “you will also need a perfect eyesight and also need to be in great physical shape.”
- Make sure the placement of your quotation marks is correct. I moved it right before the “you” instead of directly after the word “that.” Also, make sure to add a period at the end of the quotation.
In conclusion, becoming an astronaut is difficult as it requires a lot of education and physical training.
- You need a conclusion sentence to wrap up your paragraph. The sentence above is an example.
Great work! Make sure to proofread your paragraph for spelling and punctuation errors.
Final Version:
The requirements to become an astronaut are not easy. One reason being an astronaut is difficult is that they have to study every control. Training for astronauts is expensive as well. The text states, “‘NASA now requires a master degree.” The text also states that “you will also need a perfect eyesight and also need to be in great physical shape.” In conclusion, becoming an astronaut is difficult as it requires a lot of education and physical training.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
Eastern tiger salamander are preparing to move to Maryland. because they need a habitat like the wetland that are mostly in Maryland
also the Female salamanders need a pool with out fish. The text states that
Tiger salamanders can be picky about there pools the text also states
that what stands out most to me is how they swim through there delavier
bay wet lands. This text states that salamanders are fast in water and picky
about there habitats that are wetland and pools.
Original Version:
Eastern tiger salamander are preparing to move to Maryland because they need a habitat like the wetland that are mostly in Maryland also the Female salamanders need a pool with out fish. The text states that Tiger salamanders can be picky about there pools the text also states that what stands out most to me is how they swim through their delavier bay wet lands. This text states that salamanders are fast in water and picky about there habitats that are wetland and pools.
Corrections:
Eastern tiger salamanders are preparing to move to Maryland because they need a wetland habitat. Female salamanders also need a pool without fish, which Maryland has.
- Salamander should be in the plural form, as you are speaking about multiple salamanders, and it matched the plural verb “are.” This sentence was also a run-on sentence, so I split it up into two sentences. I also deleted “are mostly found in Maryland, as you already referred two what state previously in the sentence. I also edited the phrasing of the last sentence, as I thought the wording could be improved. Without needs to be spelled as one word as well.
The text states that “Tiger salamanders can be picky about their pools.”
- It should be “their pools,” as there it’s a possessive pronoun, showing that the people have ownership over the pools. Also, make sure to name the text and the writer before introducing the quote. The sentence was too long, so I split it up into two. The next sentence is edited below.
The text also states that the Tiger salamanders stand out because they “swim through the Delaware Bay wetlands.”
- I edited this sentence for grammar and spelling. I corrected the spelling of Delaware Bay and capitalized it. Also, “wetlands” should be one word.
Final version:
Eastern tiger salamanders are preparing to move to Maryland because they need a wetland habitat. Female salamanders also need a pool without fish, which Maryland has. The text states that “Tiger salamanders can be picky about their pools.” The text also states that the Tiger salamanders stand out because they “swim through the Delaware Bay wetlands.”
Good job! Make sure to proofread the sentence for spelling errors, and to use the correct form of “there.” Also, while referencing lines from the text, make sure to use quotation marks.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
I think Jk Rowing and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home. One way i think it will help is the story will keep them busy, and the puzzles will entertain that watching tv.I know this because the text states that reading aloud to the stories to the kids could inspire them the text also states that the puzzles would intertain them", this means that Jk Rowing website is intreasting and intertaining .So this how i know Jk Rowing website will help kids when there stuck in there house.
Original Version: I think Jk Rowing and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home. One way i think it will help is the story will keep them busy, and the puzzles will entertain that watching tv.I know this because the text states that reading aloud to the stories to the kids could inspire them the text also states that the puzzles would intertain them", this means that Jk Rowing website is intreasting and intertaining .So this how i know Jk Rowing website will help kids when there stuck in there house.
Corrections:
J.K. Rowling and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home.
- J.K. needs to be capitalized and punctuated with two periods. I removed the “I” so the sentence would be in the third person.
One way the website will help keep kids busy is the story it provides, as well as the puzzles that will entertain them instead of watching television.
- I removed the personal pronouns so the sentence would be written in the third person. I also edited the sentence by rephrasing it and correcting the grammar. I also replaced “that” with “than” as than is used in comparative sentences.
The text states that "reading the stories aloud from the website to the kids could inspire them, and the puzzles could entertain them." This means that J.K. Rowling's website is interesting and entertaining.
- Make sure to use quotation marks at the beginning and end of the quote. I also changed the comma into a period, as without it, it'd be a run-on sentence. J.K. Rowling needs to be capitalized and the letters of her initials need to be separated by periods. Her last name should also be punctuated with an apostrophe. The spelling of “interesting” and “entertaining” was spelled wrong as well, so I corrected those words. I also removed the extra space before the period.
This evidence proves how J.K. Rowling's website will help kids when they're stuck in their houses.
- I changed the phrasing of the sentence to make it more formal. I also fixed the spelling of J.K. Rowling, and made the punctuation possessive, as J.K. Rowling is possessing the website. Also, "there" needs to be changed to "they're" as it should be a contraction of they + are in this context. You used the wrong form of “there” when referring to the house. When you are using it to refer to a person, place, or thing, you use “their.” Also, "house" should be in the plural form, as you're talking about multiple houses.
Final Version:
J.K. Rowling and her new website will help the kids while they are stuck home. One way the website will help keep kids busy is the story it provides, as well as the puzzles that will entertain them instead of watching television. The text states that "reading the stories from the website aloud to the kids could inspire them, and the puzzles could entertain them." This means that J.K. Rowling's website is interesting and entertaining. This evidence proves how J.K. Rowling's website will help kids when they're stuck in their houses.
Great work! Remember to proofread your writing for spelling mistakes.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
There are many ways students can learn in online class. like there fingers could be used to typing on there key board and help students that dont know how to type improve them on a higher level then they are.I know this because in the text it says that distractions will not be in the way of ther learing
this piece of text means they wont be distracted by there classmates. This is asking me why and how online class is use full it keeps the didtractions out of the students way. Also in the text it says the students will not forget there schuelds.This means students will not be distracted or they wont forget the shuelds .the right place for students to learn.
Original Version:
There are many ways students can learn in online class. like there fingers could be used to typing on there key board and help students that dont know how to type improve them on a higher level then they are.I know this because in the text it says that distractions will not be in the way of ther learing this piece of text means they wont be distracted by there classmates. This is asking me why and how online class is use full it keeps the didtractions out of the students way. Also in the text it says the students will not forget there schuelds.This means students will not be distracted or they wont forget the shuelds .the right place for students to learn.
Corrections:
There are many ways students can learn in an online class.
- Good! The only thing I changed was adding the determiner "as" to the noun phrase "online class."
One skill students can learn from online classes is typing. If students don’t know how to type, doing their work on a keyboard will improve their abilities.
- I edited this sentence for grammar. When you are referring to a person or group, you use “their” instead of “there.” I also broke the sentence into two, as I felt like it was a bit too wordy.
This is proven in the text, as it states, “that distractions will not be in the way of their learning this piece of text means they won’t be distracted by their classmates.”
- To make the sentence into the third person, I removed the “I” and rephrased the introduction to the quote. When including a quote, it does not need to be in italics. Put quotation marks around the quote instead. I also edited the spelling of “their” and “learning.” Also, “won’t” is a contraction of “will not” so it needs an apostrophe after the letter “n.”
There are other ways that online classes can help prevent students from getting distracted.
- This sentence was edited for spelling and grammar.
The text also states that “the students will not forget their schedules” in online classes.
- I added quotation marks around the quote and removed the italics. I also added “in online classes” at the end of the sentence so the quote was given more context.
In conclusion, online classes will help students not get distracted and they won’t forget their schedules. Online is the right place for students to learn.
- I edited these two sentences for spelling and grammar. I think if you started your ending statement with “in conclusion,” it would help indicate that you are moving on to your conclusion. I also fixed the spelling of “schedules.” In the first version of the sentence, where was the right place to learn was unclear, I added “online” to help give the reader clarity.
Final Version:
There are many ways students can learn in an online class. One skill students can learn from online classes is typing. If students don’t know how to type, doing their work on a keyboard will improve their abilities. This is proven in the text, as it states, “that distractions will not be in the way of their learning this piece of text means they won’t be distracted by their classmates.” There are other ways that online classes can help prevent students from getting distracted. The text also states that “the students will not forget their schedules” in online classes. In conclusion, online classes will help students not get distracted and they won’t forget their schedules. Online is the right place for students to learn.
Overall, you did a great job! Make sure to proofread for spelling errors, and to use quotation marks around quotes.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
There are many ways to keep yourself busy while your in your house such as like puzzles, indoor basketball ,card games, and board games ,all these options are fine and come in low price about 10.00 to 15.00.Just as the text states at less than 10$ the text also states that puzzles will help inhance the mind. And indoor basketball will keep them exerscized not only is it suitable it helps them get smart, exerscized, and it is in low price
so it is fun and studying at the same a great inviormeant
Original Version:
There are many ways to keep yourself busy while your in your house such as like puzzles, indoor basketball ,card games, and board games ,all these options are fine and come in low price about 10.00 to 15.00.Just as the text states at less than 10$ the text also states that puzzles will help inhance the mind. And indoor basketball will keep them exerscized not only is it suitable it helps them get smart, exerscized, and it is in low price so it is fun and studying at the same a great inviormeant
Corrections:
There are many ways to keep yourself busy while you’re inside the house such as puzzles, indoor basketball, card games, and board games.
- Use “you’re” when you are saying “you are.” I deleted the third “your” to make it less repetitive. I deleted "like" as "as" is all you need before the list of games. After “board games” I used a period instead of a comma to shorten the sentence.
All these game options are great and cost around $10.00 to $15.00.
- I thought instead of “fine” you could use a stronger word choice like “great.” Also, add a dollar sign in front of a monetary number values.
The text states that puzzles will help enhance the mind.”
- I corrected the spelling to “enhance.” Also, remember that periods go inside quotation marks.
Indoor basketball will keep kids exercised and smart. These indoor games are low priced, fun, and will allow your kids to study and play in the same environment.
- This sentence was long, so I shortened it and rephrased the two sentences to improve the flow of the conclusion. When using the word “them” make sure it is clear that you are referring to the kids. I fixed the spelling of “exercise” as well.
Great work! Just remember to check for spelling errors once you’re done with your paragraph.
Final Version:
There are many ways to keep yourself busy while you’re inside the house such as puzzles, indoor basketball, card games, and board games. All these game options are great and cost around $10.00 to $15.00. The text states that puzzles will help enhance the mind.” Indoor basketball will keep kids exercised and smart. These indoor games are low priced, fun, and will allow your kids to study and play in the same environment.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
The two ways postponing the Olympics will cause negative actions. I know itbecause I think that people that worked put all there efforts and now they cant use there new skills. Also it will cause a boycotts that will cause a pain for the cops and the citizen in the boycotts .I know this because in the text it states that and for the 11,ooo people that practice for the summer.It also states that it will be comlacated by the boycotts so it will be bad for the ateleats and the citizens that were looking forward to the games.
Original Version:
The two ways postponing the Olympics will cause negative actions. I know itbecause I think that people that worked put all there efforts and now they cant use there new skills. Also it will cause a boycotts that will cause a pain for the cops and the citizen in the boycotts .I know this because in the text it states that and for the 11,ooo people that practice for the summer.It also states that it will be comlacated by the boycotts so it will be bad for the ateleats and the citizens that were looking forward to the games.
Corrections:
Postponing the Olympics will cause negative results in two different ways.
- I edited the sentence for grammar and clarity. I also changed “actions” to “results” as I thought that was a better word choice to fit the context of the sentence.
One negative effect of the postponement is that the people who trained for the Olympics cannot use their new skills at the event.
- I edited this sentence for grammar and word choice. I took out the uses of “I” so it would be in the third person. Also use “their” as you are referring to a person, whereas “there” is used to refer to a place.
Also, the postponement will cause boycotts, causing pain for cops and citizens.
- This sentence seemed a bit repetitive as you used the word “boycott” twice. I rephrased the sentence and shortened it as well. I also fixed the spelling of “citizens” too.
The text stated that “11,000 people practiced for the summer” and that “it will be complicated by boycotts.”
- I put the two quotes into the same sentence to improve the grammar.
The postponement is bad news for the athletes and the citizens that were looking forward to the Olympic Games.
- The subject was missing, so I added “the postponement.” I also fixed the spelling of “athletes.” Lastly, I changed “games” to “Olympic Games” to make sure it was clear to the reader what you were talking about.
Final Version:
Postponing the Olympics will cause negative results in two different ways. One negative result of the postponement is that the people who trained for the Olympics cannot use their new skills at the event. Also, the postponement will cause boycotts, causing pain for cops and citizens. The text stated that “11,000 people practiced for the summer” and that “it will be complicated by boycotts.” The postponement is bad news for the athletes and the citizens that were looking forward to the Olympic Games.
Great job! Make sure to spellcheck your work.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
