The World for Freedom

Revision as of 16:36, 20 April 2020

Peta's Writing Page Original: We need to keep social distance so many people do not get the virus. According to the text,”Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes.” In addition “Both Hota and Rousseau know it can be difficult to keep away from others in some situations, such as on public transportation or elevators.” This shows that we should listen to important parts of advice so that we can be safe from the virus.

Edits:

• • • We need to keep social distance so many people do not get the virus.

Edited for clarity and grammar: We need to keep social distancing so people do not get the virus.
Distancing needs to be plural and take out the word many.

• • • According to the text,”Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes.”

Edited for clarity: According to the text, "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes."
Put a space after the comma so the quote is separated.

• • • In addition “Both Hota and Rousseau know it can be difficult to keep away from others in some situations, such as on public transportation or elevators.”

Edited for fluidity: In addition, Both Hota and Rousseau know it can be difficult to keep away from others in some situations, such as on public transportation or elevators.
No need for quotations because you already stated that both Hota and Rousseau said this in the text.

• • • This shows that we should listen to important parts of advice so that we can be safe from the virus.

Edited for clarity: In conclusion, this shows that we should listen to important parts of advice so that we can be safe from the virus.
Start the paragraph with "In conclusion" so this states the end.

Final Edit: We need to keep social distancing so people do not get the virus. According to the text, "Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes." In addition, Both Hota and Rousseau know it can be difficult to keep away from others in some situations, such as on public transportation or elevators. In conclusion, this shows that we should listen to important parts of advice so that we can be safe from the virus.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

Original: The difference of the opinion brought out by the mayor and the governor is that the mayor wants school to be canceled for a year because of the virus however the governor wants to see the results before making up his mind. According to the text, “If school buildings stay closed, about a third of 2019-20 academic year will have been spent at home, an unprecedented undertaking that could have long-term consequences on the academic achievement and social-emotional well being of children.” This shows how there are differences between both the mayor or governor by the virus.

Edits:

• • • The difference of the opinion brought out by the mayor and the governor is that the mayor wants school to be canceled for a year because of the virus however the governor wants to see the results before making up his mind.

Edited for clarity and grammar: The difference of opinions brought out by the Mayor and Governor is that the Mayor wants schools to be canceled for a year because of the virus, however, the Governor wants to see the results before making up his mind.
Put a comma before and after 'however and Mayor and Governor should be capitalized. Also, the word 'school' needs to be plural.

• • • According to the text, “If school buildings stay closed, about a third of 2019-20 academic year will have been spent at home, an unprecedented undertaking that could have long-term consequences on the academic achievement and social-emotional well being of children.”

Edited for fluidity: According to the text, "If schools stay closed, about a third of 2019-20 academic year will have been spent at home, an unprecedented undertaking that could have long-term consequences on the academic achievement and social-emotional well being of children."
Take out the word buildings after school.

• • • This shows how there are differences between both the mayor or governor by the virus.

Edited for grammar and clarity: In conclusion, this shows how there are differences between both the Mayor and Governor by the virus.
Start the last sentence with 'In conclusion' and capitalize Mayor and Governor.

Final Edit: The difference of opinions brought out by the Mayor and Governor is that the Mayor wants schools to be canceled for a year because of the virus, however, the Governor wants to see the results before making up his mind. According to the text, "If schools stay closed, about a third of 2019-20 academic year will have been spent at home, an unprecedented undertaking that could have long-term consequences on the academic achievement and social-emotional well being of children." In conclusion, this shows how there are differences between both the Mayor and Governor by the virus.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

Orginal: Not all people are able to be astronauts because they need to perfect their training. According to the text, “Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut”. In addition, “There are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all.” This shows how it takes a lot of work and effort be be an astronaut.

Edits:

• • • Not all people are able to be astronauts because they need to perfect their training.

Edited for grammar: Not a lot of people are able to become astronauts because they need to perfect their training.
Instead of 'all people' put 'a lot of people' and 'become' instead of 'be'

• • • According to the text, “Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut”.

Edited for punctuation: According to the text, "Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut."
The period goes before the quotations.

• • • In addition, “There are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all.”

Edited for punctuation: The text also states that there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all.
No need for quotations, add in 'the text also states'

• • • This shows how it takes a lot of work and effort be be an astronaut.

Edited for grammar: In conclusion, this shows how it takes a lot of work and effort to be an astronaut.
Put 'In conclusion' the begin the last sentence and take out the 'be' and put 'to'

Final Edit: Not a lot of people are able to become astronauts because they need to perfect their training. According to the text, "Not everyone who is accepted into the program is certain to become an astronaut." The text also states that there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all. In conclusion, this shows how it takes a lot of work and effort to be an astronaut.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

Orginal: What makes the graduation ceremonies different in Japan is that technology is the new trend. According to the text, “Now, in what is being hailed as an “industry first”, Tokyo university has used avatar robots to enable students to “attend “ their graduation ceremony without leaving home.” This shows how both traditions are different in the graduation ceremonies.

Edits:

• • • What makes the graduation ceremonies different in Japan is that technology is the new trend.

Edited for fluidity: Graduation ceremonies are becoming different because of the new trend in technology in Japan.
Switched the sentence around to sound more fluid.

• • • According to the text, “Now, in what is being hailed as an “industry first”, Tokyo university has used avatar robots to enable students to “attend “ their graduation ceremony without leaving home.”

Edited for grammar: According to the text, "Now, I what is being hailed as an 'industry first,' Tokyo University has used avatar robots to enable students to "attend" their graduation ceremony without leaving home."
'university' needs to be capitalized and instead of double quotations around industry first, just put a single quotations mark.

• • • This shows how both traditions are different in the graduation ceremonies.

Edited for grammar: In conclusion, this shows how both traditions are different in graduation ceremonies.
Start the last sentence with 'in conclusion'

Final Edit: Graduation ceremonies are becoming different because of the new trend in technology in Japan. According to the text, "Now, I what is being hailed as an 'industry first,' Tokyo University has used avatar robots to enable students to "attend" their graduation ceremony without leaving home." In conclusion, this shows how both traditions are different in graduation ceremonies.

Edited by Kelsey Eggsware

One of the accomplishments that Williams reached was that he managed to help many children from starvation. According to the text, “Seven years later, he’s collected more than 55,000 pounds of food, raised $63,000 and been recognized as a Prudential Spirit of Community honoree.” In addition,” He’s expanded his mission too”. This shows how William managed to reach one of his accomplishments.