The World for Freedom

Revision as of 18:22, 16 April 2020

Teno's Writing Page Original Draft

Tokyo university student are graduating with avatar robots!!!    There are two new events that are stated in the story. To begin with, students from Tokyo university will be able to graduate with a robot. The story states, "Tokyo university has used avatar robots to enable students to "attend" their graduation ceremony without leaving home." This means, they were able to graduate even when they were at home. To add on, The company is going to allow people with issues to go on a "vacation". The story also states "The company believes it will enable business people to attend meetings remotely, allow people with mobility issues to go on "vacation". This shows, now anyone with issues can have fun to! In final analysis, There are two new events that are stated in the story.

Corrections Tokyo university student are graduating with avatar robots!!!
****"'A few things here: first, the university is Business Breakthrough University, which is in Tokyo, but it is not Tokyo University. Also, since this event already happened in March, you would say that the students graduated instead of are graduating. If someone who didn't read the original article read this first sentence, they might be confused and think that students are receiving robots when they graduate, so it might be clearer to just introduce the problem first (coronavirus making it hard or impossible for students to attend graduation). Again, just like with the question marks in one of your other paragraphs, three exclamation points would be appropriate when messaging friends, but not for a formal assignment.
Due to the coronavirus outbreak, many students at Business Breakthrough University in Tokyo were unable to attend their graduation ceremony in person. However, a professor at the university, Shugo Yanaka, Dean of Global Business Administration, came up with a great idea to give these students their graduation experience remotely.

There are two new events that are stated in the story.
****"'Instead of outright saying that there are two events, just write about them. Your teachers and I will see that you wrote about two events without you having to explicitly tell us that there are two events. I took this sentence out because of this."'

To begin with, students from Tokyo university will be able to graduate with a robot. The story states, "Tokyo university has used avatar robots to enable students to "attend" their graduation ceremony without leaving home."
****"'This is a time when you can combine sentences here. In the first sentence you say that students will graduate with a robot, and in the second sentence you quote the article saying almost the same thing. Instead, use that same quote and then elaborate on how the robots helped them graduate."'
On March 28, 2020, the university used "avatar robots to enable students to 'attend' their graduation ceremony without leaving home." These robots, called New"Me"s, "dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president."

This means, they were able to graduate even when they were at home.
****"'Since the quote says that the students could attend their graduation ceremony without leaving home, this sentence isn't necessary. Because of this, I took this sentence out."'

To add on, The company is going to allow people with issues to go on a "vacation". The story also states "The company believes it will enable business people to attend meetings remotely, allow people with mobility issues to go on "vacation".
****Here again is where you say one thing and then quote the article to say almost the same thing. Instead, just use the quote and then add the rest of this quote for what else the robots will be able to do. Also, the reader might not know what "The company" is, so add the name for the company and the part about how they are who created the robots."'
The company responsible for creating these robots, ANA Holdings, "believes it will enable business people to attend meetings remotely, allow people with mobility issues to go on 'vacation', and help doctors treat critically-ill patients in hard-to-reach places, such as Antarctica or the space station."

This shows, now anyone with issues can have fun to!
****"'First, in this context, you would say "too", not "to". "Too" means "also" or "as well" or "to excess". For example, "I want to go too" or "I'm too tired to play". In this sentence it would make sense to say "anyone with issues can have fun as well". "To" is a preposition, so I could say something like "give it to him". It also shows the infinitive form of a verb, like "I want to run". It can also mean "toward" or "until". I kind of rewrote this sentence to include the other things these robots can do, like take care of sick patients or attend business meetings."'
Now anyone will be able to have fun, regardless of any obstacles, and take care of important business or people in need.

In final analysis, There are two new events that are stated in the story.
****"'Again, the reader will be able to tell that there are two events from reading your paragraph, so you don't need to say again that there are two events. Instead, just write a conclusion sentence that will wrap up the story."'
These new avatar robots are sure to do amazing things in the future.

Final Draft Due to the coronavirus outbreak, many students at Business Breakthrough University in Tokyo were unable to attend their graduation ceremony in person. However, a professor at the university, Shugo Yanaka, Dean of Global Business Administration, came up with a great idea to give these students their graduation experience remotely. On March 28, 2020, the university used "avatar robots to enable students to 'attend' their graduation ceremony without leaving home." These robots, called New"Me"s, "dressed in graduation caps and gowns, motored to the podium to accept the diploma from the president." The company responsible for creating these robots, ANA Holdings, "believes it will enable business people to attend meetings remotely, allow people with mobility issues to go on 'vacation', and help doctors treat critically-ill patients in hard-to-reach places, such as Antarctica or the space station." Now anyone will be able to have fun, regardless of any obstacles, and take care of important business or people in need. These new avatar robots are sure to do amazing things in the future.

Teno, I don't think you paid very close attention to the content of this article either. Make sure you really read the article, even if you have to read it twice, to make sure you totally understand what it is that you're writing about. Then, when you finish your paragraph, read back over it to check for small mistakes. Most of the errors you make are small things that you could easily fix if you just paid closer attention and checked your work. You're really enthusiastic in your writing, which I appreciate. Now you just have to use that enthusiasm to write the best you can! You can do it! Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft What does it take to be able to join NASA and its group??? There are many requirements for someone to become an astronaut. To begin with, you have to have to have a master's degree (a higher level collage degree) in STEM." This means, you have to be very smart and intelligent to be able to work at NASA. To add on, you have to be experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." To clarify, you also have to be very experienced with flying an vehicle such as airplanes or jets. In final analysis, there are many requirements for someone to become an astronaut.

Corrections What does it take to be able to join NASA and its group???
****"'This is a pretty good introduction sentence! The only thing I changed here was the amount of question marks you used and I changed "its group" to "be an astronaut". I changed the question marks because, like I've said before, lots of question marks is appropriate when messaging someone you're close with, but not for a formal school assignment."'
What does it take to be able to join NASA and be an astronaut?

There are many requirements for someone to become an astronaut.
****"'I kept the idea of this sentence, but I reworded it little bit and added a little more to it to hook the reader and make them want to keep reading."'
Becoming an astronaut is no easy task, and there are many requirements you have to meet.

To begin with, you have to have to have a master's degree (a higher level collage degree) in STEM."
****"'It looks like you took part of a quote, but only put quotations at the end. If you're quoting something, it's important to put quotations at the beginning and the end of the part you're quoting. Since this quote was part of a longer quote, I included the rest as well in three more separate sentences. Also, the word is spelled "college", not "collage". A collage is kind of like a type of artwork, whereas college is higher education after high school."'
One of the first requirements is "a master’s degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math)." NASA also requires "experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." On top of that, the "Astronaut Candidates" "will also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape. They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and able to work as part of a team."

This means, you have to be very smart and intelligent to be able to work at NASA.
****"'Here, "smart" and "intelligent" mean also the same thing, and after reading the requirements about having a master's in STEM, the reader can probably assume that you need to be pretty smart to work at NASA. So, I took this sentence out."'

To add on, you have to be experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." To clarify, you also have to be very experienced with flying an vehicle such as airplanes or jets.
****"'It looks like you were using part of a quote again and only put quotations on the end. Watch that and make sure you're using quotation marks on both sides! Also, I used this quote above. When you're deciding between using "an" or "a" before a word, look to see if the word starts with a vowel or a consonant. If it starts with a vowel, you'll use "an" (an umbrella), and if it starts with a consonant, you'll use "a" (a book). So in this case, you would say "a vehicle". However, I wouldn't use the word "vehicle" here, because that word is generally used to describe something that moves on land, like a car or a truck. I took that part out."'

In final analysis, there are many requirements for someone to become an astronaut.
****"'This is true, but you could make this sentence just a little longer to make it sound more conclusive."'
While going to space might seem cool, becoming an astronaut takes a lot of hard work that only a few people are able to achieve.

Final Draft What does it take to be able to join NASA and be an astronaut? Becoming an astronaut is no easy task, and there are many requirements you have to meet. One of the first requirements is "a master’s degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math)." NASA also requires "experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." On top of that, the "Astronaut Candidates" "will also need to have near-perfect eyesight and be in good physical shape. They must be good at working with other people – able to lead, and able to work as part of a team." While going to space might seem cool, becoming an astronaut takes a lot of hard work that only a few people are able to achieve.

Most of your mistakes are little spelling errors or things like leaving quotations marks off. As long as you read over your work after you finish it, I think you'll be able to clean it up before you submit it. I know you might not want to do that, but I think it'll really help. Keep up the good work! Edited by Lainey Morris

Original Draft

Is there a fight between the mayor and the government about the Corona Virus???    There are two opposing views in the article. To begin with, the first view is school should stay closed for the rest of the year because of the Corona Virus. The text states "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the corona virus, de Blasio said." This means the mayor doesn't want to make schools open for our safety. To add on, the second view is we should open schools again for our education. The text states "and hoping the education department will allow for a pass-fail grading system to take some pressure off,... w're dealing with an unprecedented situation that is all about drama and people are really, really,really suffering." To clarify the government wants to reopen schools again. In conclusion, there are two opposing views in the article.

Corrections Is there a fight between the mayor and the government about the Corona Virus???
****"'To start, instead of saying "the government", say "the governor", because he is the one who is disagreeing with the mayor. I also wouldn't call what's going on a fight, rather a disagreement between the two. Also, three question marks is okay for texting or messaging friends, but not so much for a formal writing assignment, so you would only put one here. However, I rewrote this sentence in order to add some more context to what's going on for the reader and open up what you're talking about in your paragraph."'
On Saturday, New York City's mayor, Bill de Blasio, announced that NYC schools will remain closed for the rest of the school year.

There are two opposing views in the article. 

****"'Because I already explained one view in the first sentence, I'm just going to add in the following sentence how the governor disagrees. That way, you aren't explicitly saying that there are two opposing views and the reader is able to come to that conclusion on their own when they read. I also included a quote from the article to add even more context."'
This announcement, however, was not taken well by New York's governor, Andrew Cuomo. Cuomo said that "the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled end of the school year."

To begin with, the first view is school should stay closed for the rest of the year because of the Corona Virus.
****"'First, instead of "Corona Virus", it should be one word that isn't capitalized, so it would be "coronavirus". Second, I added a quote in here from the mayor to explain why closing schools for the rest of the year is because of the coronavirus."'
However, de Blasio said that keeping the schools closed "is a way to contribute to finally beating the coronavirus,".

The text states "Keeping the New York City public schools closed is a way to contribute to finally beating back the corona virus, de Blasio said."
****"'Since I added this quote in the previous sentence, I took this sentence out."'

This means the mayor doesn't want to make schools open for our safety.
****"'It's safe to assume that at this point, the reader knows what the coronavirus is and can understand on their on that the mayor is making this decision for the safety of others. Because of this, I took this sentence out as well."'

To add on, the second view is we should open schools again for our education.
****"'Because I included how the governor feels about the mayor's announcement, the reader can assume that this is the second view, so I took this sentence out too."'

The text states "and hoping the education department will allow for a pass-fail grading system to take some pressure off,... w're dealing with an unprecedented situation that is all about drama and people are really, really,really suffering."
****"'For this sentence, I added who it was that said this quote and I also separated it up into two chunks so that I could elaborate on the first part of the quote for the reader. Also, instead of "drama", the word is "trauma". Make sure you write "we're" instead of "w're" as well. Also, make sure you're separating your commas from the following words (so "really, really" instead of "really,really")."'
Suzy Ort, the assistant principal at Park East High in Harlem, along with her team, are "hoping the education department will allow for a pass-fail grading system to take some pressure off," in order to keep the high school seniors engaged for the remainder of the school year. Ort says that they are "dealing with an unprecedented situation that is all about trauma and people are really, really, really suffering."

To clarify the government wants to reopen schools again.
****"'Based on the quote that you used, I wouldn't say that the government wants to reopen schools. The assistant principal whose quote you used was more focused on trying to keep students engaged while they're having to learn remotely. Instead, I rewrote it saying that it's a struggle for the government as well as educators."'
It's a tough situation that government officials and educators alike are struggling to deal with.

In conclusion, there are two opposing views in the article.
****"'After reading this paragraph, the reader knows that there are two opposing views. However, the point of the paragraph was not to say that there are two opposing views, but to say what those opposing views are. So instead, I rewrote this sentence briefly wrapping up the paragraph by mentioning de Blasio and Cuomo's disagreement again."'
De Blasio and Cuomo continue to disagree on the matter for now.

Final Draft On Saturday, New York City's mayor, Bill de Blasio, announced that NYC schools will remain closed for the rest of the school year. This announcement, however, was not taken well by New York's governor, Andrew Cuomo. Cuomo said that "the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled end of the school year." However, de Blasio said that keeping the schools closed "is a way to contribute to finally beating the coronavirus,". Suzy Ort, the assistant principal at Park East High in Harlem, along with her team, are "hoping the education department will allow for a pass-fail grading system to take some pressure off," in order to keep the high school seniors engaged for the remainder of the school year. Ort says that they are "dealing with an unprecedented situation that is all about trauma and people are really, really, really suffering." It's a tough situation that government officials and educators alike are struggling to deal with. De Blasio and Cuomo continue to disagree on the matter for now.

For this paragraph, I can tell that you read the article, but I don't think you read closely. There were a few small errors that you could have avoided had you just paid closer attention to what you were reading and gone back over your paragraph once you typed it. Your introduction sentence and conclusion sentence were different, which is great! Just make sure that the introduction has better context and the conclusion is a relevant wrap up of what you talked about. If you read my comments and corrections, I think you can really improve! Keep it up! Edited by Lainey Morris

Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland for many reasons. To begin with, Maryland's Eastern shore is a great place for vegetation management and it is a good natural breeding habitat for the salamanders. The story states "Maryland's Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders." This mean, the Eastern tiger salamanders like Maryland because of that. To add on, the estimated population of salamanders is very large. The story also states "How are Eastern tiger salamanders populations doing in Maryland?... population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders." To clarify, salamanders are probably commonly seen in Maryland near the Eastern shore. In conclusion, Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland for many reasons.

****"'Please Teno, start adding titles."'
The Comeback of the Eastern Tiger Salamander

Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland for many reasons.
****"'I edited this sentence to add just a tad bit more introduction."'
Eastern tiger salamanders have started reappearing in Maryland after almost going extinct in the 1990s.

To begin with, Maryland's Eastern shore is a great place for vegetation management and it is a good natural breeding habitat for the salamanders. The story states "Maryland's Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders."
****"'This is one of those moments where you can go ahead and combine the two sentences to make one smooth sentence. That way, you're not being repetitive."'
One of the reasons for this comeback has to do with Maryland's Eastern Shore, "where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats" for these reappearing salamanders.

****"'I also went ahead and added some extra detail from the story, including a quote."'
DNR (Maryland's Department of Natural Resources) biologist Beth Schlimm says that tiger salamander eggs need "fishless freshwater ponds that have a lot of sunlight". She also says that the depth of the water is very important. "Too shallow, they dry out; too deep, the sun won't get to the egg masses."

This mean, the Eastern tiger salamanders like Maryland because of that.
****"'I took this sentence out, but next time, you would say "This means" instead of "This mean" (but I'm sure that was just a typo). You also wouldn't put a comma in that sentence."'

To add on, the estimated population of salamanders is very large. The story also states "How are Eastern tiger salamanders populations doing in Maryland?... population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders."
****"'These are two sentences you can also combine to make a smoother sentence. Also, make sure when you're quoting individual people, you source them in your paragraph."'
The estimated population of salamanders is also very large now at "1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders," according to DNR biologist Scott A. Smith.

To clarify, salamanders are probably commonly seen in Maryland near the Eastern shore.
****"'The sentence before this one wasn't confusing, so you don't need to say "to clarify". You also don't need this sentence in general, so I took it out."'

In conclusion, Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland for many reasons.
****"'In the name "Eastern tiger salamanders", only "Eastern" is capitalized. You also need to remember to keep your conclusion sentence a little different from your introduction sentence."'
These are just a couple of the many reasons why Eastern tiger salamanders are finally making a comeback.

****"'And remember your source!!"'
http://theworldforfreedom.com/Writing_Topic

The Comeback of the Eastern Tiger Salamander Eastern tiger salamanders have started reappearing in Maryland after almost going extinct in the 1990s. One of the reasons for this comeback has to do with Maryland's Eastern Shore, "where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats" for these reappearing salamanders. DNR (Maryland's Department of Natural Resources) biologist Beth Schlimm says that tiger salamander eggs need "fishless freshwater ponds that have a lot of sunlight". She also says that the depth of the water is very important. "Too shallow, they dry out; too deep, the sun won't get to the egg masses." The estimated population of salamanders is also very large now at "1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders," according to DNR biologist Scott A. Smith. These are just a couple of the many reasons why Eastern tiger salamanders are finally making a comeback. http://theworldforfreedom.com/Writing_Topic

Teno, I really think if you read my comments and suggestions you could really improve your writing. The only way we can ever improve at anything is if we listen to help and fix our mistakes in the future. Don't be afraid to ask whoever you live with for help and don't be afraid to email your teacher either! You're just making the same mistakes and I think if you just paid attention to what I was saying and changing, you could fix those mistakes and improve your writing. You can do it! Edited by Lainey Morris

There are good and bad reasons for practicing social distancing. To start with, social distancing is good because if people don't they might get infected. So social distancing will help prevent the chance of someone having any disease such as the Corona Virus. The text states "people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing limits the chances of that." This means, if we social distance we can prevent the Corona Virus. To add on, social distancing is bad because many kids are still very young and haven't even started to learn about the troubles in the world and now social distancing isn't going to do any good about that. The text states "social distancing is a response to the idea that many people can't stay home all the time... people have lives they need to continue to live." This shows, people can't just stay inside for the rest of their lives just because of this new disease! In conclusion, there are good and bad reasons for practicing social distancing.

****Again, Teno, you need to start adding titles.
The Pros and Cons of Social Distancing

There are good and bad reasons for practicing social distancing.
****"'Okay, let's try to start including some more introductory language in our opening sentences. Imagine you're telling this story to someone from Mars. They don't know what social distancing is, so you have to explain it to them first."'
Because of the recent outbreak of the coronavirus, people around the world are being urged to practice social distancing. The CDC says that social distancing includes things like "avoiding mass gatherings" and "maintaining distance".

To start with, social distancing is good because if people don't they might get infected. So social distancing will help prevent the chance of someone having any disease such as the Corona Virus.
****"'In these two sentences, you say basically the same thing. Instead, just write one sentence. Also, "coronavirus" is one word and it is not capitalized."'
Social distancing is an effort that people can make to prevent the chances of contracting or spreading the coronavirus.

The text states "people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing limits the chances of that." This means, if we social distance we can prevent the Corona Virus.
****"'I edited this part to give it a little smoother flow and to combine these two sentences into one. The first part that you quote says that social distancing limits the chances of spreading the virus, so you don't need to state it again in a separate sentence."'
The text mentions that "people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes," from even six feet apart, but social distancing limits the chances of this spread.

To add on, social distancing is bad because many kids are still very young and haven't even started to learn about the troubles in the world and now social distancing isn't going to do any good about that.
****"'I wasn't quite sure what you meant by this part. I didn't know if you meant that kids aren't able to go out and learn about the bad things in the world now or if you meant that kids don't understand why they need to stay home because of how they haven't learned "about the troubles in the world", so I just assumed you meant the second one. I edited it to make it a bit clearer, but I apologize if I misunderstood you."'
Unfortunately, social distancing can be difficult for many reasons, one being that many young kids don't understand why they are having to stay home all the time all of a sudden.

The text states "social distancing is a response to the idea that many people can't stay home all the time... people have lives they need to continue to live."
****"'So, in this quote, part of it was just from the text, but the second part after the ellipses (the ...) is an actual quote, so we can't just combine the two. Instead, we have to also quote the person who said this part."'
Denise Rousseau, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University, says that "social distancing is a response to the idea that many people can't stay home all the time, even during a disease outbreak." She goes on to say that "People have lives that they need to continue to live."

This shows, people can't just stay inside for the rest of their lives just because of this new disease!
****"'Again, in the sentence before this, the quote you used pretty much already says this, so you don't have to say it again. I took this sentence out."'

In conclusion, there are good and bad reasons for practicing social distancing.
****"'Again, it's good if your conclusion sentence is a bit different from your introduction sentence."'
Social distancing is very difficult and there are pros and cons, but it's important that we do the best we can to limit the spread of this virus.

****"'Remember your source!"'
http://theworldforfreedom.com/Writing_Topic

The Pros and Cons of Social Distancing Because of the recent outbreak of the coronavirus, people around the world are being urged to practice social distancing. The CDC says that social distancing includes things like "avoiding mass gatherings" and "maintaining distance". Social distancing is an effort that people can make to prevent the chances of contracting or spreading the coronavirus. The text mentions that "people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes," from even six feet apart, but social distancing limits the chances of this spread. Unfortunately, social distancing can be difficult for many reasons, one being that many young kids don't understand why they are having to stay home all the time all of a sudden. Denise Rousseau, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University, says that "social distancing is a response to the idea that many people can't stay home all the time, even during a disease outbreak." She goes on to say that "People have lives that they need to continue to live." Social distancing is very difficult and there are pros and cons, but it's important that we do the best we can to limit the spread of this virus. http://theworldforfreedom.com/Writing_Topic

Teno, it would be really helpful to you and your writing if you read my comments, suggestions, and corrections. That is how you will learn from your mistakes and get better. I would really like to see you start adding titles, your source, and making changes based on what I edit on here. Edited by Lainey Morris

JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children. To begin with, it educated children. The text states "to keep children educated and entertained... including free access to the audiobook version of the first installment in the series." This means, many kids will stay educated and will keep their minds fresh. To add on, the webpage also has fun games and activities! In the text it states "Other features of hub include articles, puzzles and videos." To clarify, kids will still have fun but also stay educated! In conclusion, JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children.

Teno, you need to start adding titles.
Harry Potter at Home: J.K. Rowling's New Webpage for Kids

JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children.
This sentence needs a couple more thins to make sure it's a good introduction. You also need to watch punctuation between initials (J.K.).
J.K. Rowling has launched a new webpage to help children while they're stuck at home during quarantine.

To begin with, it educated children.
First, the word "educated" is past tense, which would make the reader think that this website is old and you're writing about something from the past, so it's important that you're writing in the present tense so the reader knows you're talking about right now. Also, now is a good time to tell us the name of the website.
The website is called "Harry Potter at Home" and is helping educate kids while they can't be in school.

The text states "to keep children educated and entertained... including free access to the audiobook version of the first installment in the series."
The segment of this quote that you used could be confusing for someone who didn't read the article, so putting "The text says J.K. Rowling has created this website to" in front of the quote gives better context and helps the reader understand a bit better. Great use of ellipses (the ...) in this quote!
The text says J.K. Rowling has created this website to "keep children educated and entertained...including free access to the audiobook version of the first installment in the series."

This means, many kids will stay educated and will keep their minds fresh.
Instead of saying something like "this means", say something that gives your paragraph a better flow for the reader. The phrase "keep their minds fresh" is great!
With access to this website, many kids will be able to stay educated and keep their minds fresh.

To add on, the webpage also has fun games and activities! In the text it states "Other features of hub include articles, puzzles and videos."
Since you say the word "also" in this sentence, you don't need the phrase "to add on" since they both kind of mean the same thing. These two sentences can also be combined to make a smoother and better flow. I also took out the quote because you don't really need to quote a detail that's just about the articles, puzzles, and videos.
The webpage also has fun games and activities, like articles, puzzles, and videos.

To clarify, kids will still have fun but also stay educated!
The reader understands from your paragraph that they will have fun and still be educated, so you don't need to say "to clarify". Instead, say something like "with all of these resources," in its place.
With all of these resources, kids will still have fun but also stay educated!

In conclusion, JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children.
This sentence is basically the same sentence you have as your introduction sentence, so we need to change it up a bit.
This website is a great contribution that J.K. Rowling believes will be helpful for children worldwide.

Remember to put your source!!
http://theworldforfreedom.com/Writing_Topic

Harry Potter at Home: J.K. Rowling's New Webpage for Kids J.K. Rowling has launched a new webpage to help children while they're stuck at home during quarantine. The website is called "Harry Potter at Home" and is helping educate kids while they can't be in school. The text says J.K. Rowling has created this website to "keep children educated and entertained...including free access to the audiobook version of the first installment in the series." With access to this website, many kids will be able to stay educated and keep their minds fresh. The webpage also has fun games and activities, like articles, puzzles, and videos. With all of these resources, kids will still have fun but also stay educated! This website is a great contribution that J.K. Rowling believes will be helpful for children worldwide. http://theworldforfreedom.com/Writing_Topic

Teno, I still don't think you're reading my comments. It's important you read these so that they can help you become a better writer, reader, and student! Please make sure you add a title and your source next time, and read my comments! Edited by Lainey Morris

Postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing negative situations. To start with, some of the athletes got headaches and heartaches because of this. The text states "It also figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community." This shows, many athletes are very streesed about the Olympics postponing. To add on, all the athletes hard work isn't worth it anymore. The text states "For the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training to complete this summer." This means, that many athletes are very sad that they worked so hard for nothing. In conclusion, postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing negative situations.

I added a title again since you didn't have one - start adding titles!
The 2020 Olympics: Postponed

Postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing negative situations.
This is a good sentence that explains what your topic is about, but you still need some more introduction.
Athletes and fans across the world are upset after hearing that the 2020 Olympics will be postponed.

To start with, some of the athletes got headaches and heartaches because of this. The text states "It also figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community."
The second sentence here just repeats what you said in the first sentence. Instead, combine them into one sentence.
This sad event "figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community," says the text.

This shows, many athletes are very streesed about the Olympics postponing. To add on, all the athletes hard work isn't worth it anymore.
These are two more sentences that you can also combine. Also, watch your spelling: "streesed" is actually spelled "stressed".
Many athletes are very stressed about the Olympics being postponed and feel like their hard work isn't worth it anymore.

The text states "For the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training to complete this summer." This means, that many athletes are very sad that they worked so hard for nothing.
You can also combine these two sentences.
11,000 athletes spent years training for the events this summer, but now they feel like they worked hard for nothing.

In conclusion, postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing negative situations.
This is a good wrap-up summary for your paragraph! I bet you can make it a bit better though!
The postponing of the 2020 Olympics is causing heartbreak for athletes and fans across the world.

The 2020 Olympics: Postponed Athletes and fans across the world are upset after hearing that the 2020 Olympics will be postponed. This sad event "figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community," says the text. Many athletes are very stressed about the Olympics being postponed and feel like their hard work isn't worth it anymore. 11,000 athletes spent years training for the events this summer, but now they feel like they worked hard for nothing. The postponing of the 2020 Olympics is causing heartbreak for athletes and fans across the world.

Teno, I feel like you're not reading my suggestions! For your next paragraph, please remember to add a title. I combined a few sentences in this paragraph, and here's why: sometimes two sentences might be a little awkward on their own, or maybe they say the same thing, so combining them creates a better flow for your paragraph. Also watch your spelling - sometimes reading over what you've written can help you catch mistakes you didn't notice before! Keep working hard! Edited by Lainey Morris

I went ahead and added a title since you didn't have one again.
Creating the Best Environment for Online Learning

    There are many ways students can learn best while studying online. To begin with, kids can move anything that distracts them and makes them unfocused and not stay anywhere near a bed or sofa. The text states "Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it seperate from your bed or sofa." This means, if kids start doing this they can learn best online. To add on, instead of multi-tasking, kids can do task and jobs on at a time. The text states "You'll absorb more information and complete assignments with greater productivity and ease than if you were trying to do many things at once." To clarify, if kids started doing things one at a time, they can learn best online. In conclusion, there are many ways students can learn best while studying online.

There are many ways students can learn best while studying online. 

This is a good sentence to open up the general argument for your paragraph, but you still need an opening to explain why you're talking about how students can learn while studying online.
Studying online is a new challenge for lots of students, but there are many ways that students can learn while studying online.

To begin with, kids can move anything that distracts them and makes them unfocused and not stay anywhere near a bed or sofa.
"To begin with," isn't a bad phrase, but you can definitely use one that flows better, like "A good first step is". Instead of using a word like "unfocused" that sounds a bit more choppy, saying something like "take away their focus" also gives the sentence a better flow. I also went ahead and split this sentence in half so that there are two separate thoughts for distracting objects and keeping away from a bed or a sofa, and I also took out the quote since you already stated everything in your own words that the quote said.
A good first step is for students to move anything that might distract them or take away their focus. It's also helpful to make sure that they're not studying anywhere near a bed or a sofa if possible.

The text states "Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it seperate from your bed or sofa."
Again, I went ahead and removed this sentence/quote since you already mentioned these details.

This means, if kids start doing this they can learn best online.
We can assume that the reader understands that by taking these steps, students will have a better online learning experience, so there's no need to say, "This means," . Instead, use a transitional phrase like "after this" to guide the paragraph along and also elaborate the helpfulness of the steps you have listed.
After this, kids will find it to be a better learning environment for online classes.

To add on, instead of multi-tasking, kids can do task and jobs on at a time.
First, "multitasking" is just one word. You also don't need to say "task" and "jobs", just one of those is good. Instead of saying, "To add on,", which sounds choppy and doesn't flow well, use a phrase with better flow like "another way". That way your paragraph sounds more organic and not so robotic. I also went ahead and included the quote with this sentence instead of creating two separate sentences - this just creates a more natural flow.
Another way to create a better learning environment for students is by doing tasks one at a time, the text saying that, "You'll absorb more information and complete assignments with greater productivity and ease than if you were trying to do many things at once."

The text states "You'll absorb more information and complete assignments with greater productivity and ease than if you were trying to do many things at once."
Again, I combined this with the prior sentence.

To clarify, if kids started doing things one at a time, they can learn best online.
We can assume here again that the reader is realizing that this step will also help students with their online learning, so there's no need for an explicit phrase like "to clarify". Instead, elaborate on how tackling work this way will be even more useful for an online setting.
Tackling assignments one at a time like this instead of multitasking can be especially helpful for online learning.

In conclusion, there are many ways students can learn best while studying online.
Instead of using a phrase like "in conclusion" for your concluding sentence, create a sentence that gives a good sense of closure and ending to your paragraph - a wrap-up of your paragraph.
Students everywhere are finding online classes challenging, but there are many steps they can take to make sure they learn as much as they can.

Creating the Best Environment for Online Learning

Studying online is a new challenge for lots of students, but there are many ways that students can learn while studying online. A good first step is for students to move anything that might distract them or take away their focus. It's also helpful to make sure that they're not studying anywhere near a bed or a sofa if possible. After this, kids will find it to be a better learning environment for online classes. Another way to create a better learning environment for students is by doing tasks one at a time, the text saying that, "You'll absorb more information and complete assignments with greater productivity and ease than if you were trying to do many things at once." Tackling assignments one at a time like this instead of multitasking can be especially helpful for online learning. Students everywhere are finding online classes challenging, but there are many steps they can take to make sure they learn as much as they can.

- I can tell that you maybe didn't read all of my tips from last time, so be sure to read those! Instead of using terms like "to add on" and "to clarify", use descriptive words and phrases to help the reader along instead. For example, I edited your paper to say "Tackling assignments one at a time like this instead of multitasking..." after the quote from the text rather than saying "This means," and "To add on, instead of multi-tasking...". Writing like this gives the paragraph a better flow and makes it easier for the reader to form conclusions on their own. Also make sure you're watching your spelling ("seperate" is spelled "separate"), add your source, and add a title next time! You're doing great! Edited by Lainey Morris

Easy Steps to Avoiding COVID-19 - I went ahead and added a title for you since you didn't have one. In this case, a short and clear title works best.

We can do many things to prevent this infection. - This is a good sentence! However, without the title, the reader doesn't know what infection you're talking about. Add a short introduction to the sickness you're talking about first; COVID-19, a new respiratory virus that's spread across the world, is highly contagious; however, we can do many things to prevent infection.

To begin with, we can start washing our hands for 20sec long or at least how long the alphabet song is. - I edited this sentence to tie it back to the article by citing the CDC, World Health Organization, and AAP. I also edited this sentence so that the reference to the "Alphabet Song" was used only once; The CDC, World Heath Organization, AAP, and many others still champion hand-washing.

The text states "Students and staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20seconds- about the length of the "Alphabet song." - I edited this sentence to summarize the text in different words instead of directly quoting it; also note that "Song" should be capitalized because it's in a song title; It is suggested that both students and staff wash their hands with soap and water for roughly 20 seconds - about the length of the "Alphabet Song".

This means, If more people start washing their hands with soap for at least 20seconds, they will be able to prevent the infection (virus) - I took this sentence out because we could infer from the rest of your paragraph that washing our hands this way will help prevent spread of the virus.

To add on, We can start to cough and sneeze into a tissue or the antecubital space (elbow pit). In the text it states "Coughing or sneezing into a tissue or the crook of an elbow can help reduce the spread of airborne." - I edited and combined these two sentences to create a better flow; Another easy step is aiming our coughs or sneezes into a tissue or the pit of our elbows.

To clarify, If people start to cough and sneeze into a tissue or the crook of an elbow, they will be able to prevent this infection(virus). - Instead of having "to clarify", I edited this sentence so that the reader knows they're getting clarification without being told by explaining why coughing and sneezing into the elbow pit/tissue is beneficial and brought down your explanation from the previous sentence; This is an easy and effective way to reduce the spread of airborne virus droplets.

- Then, I added one more sentence to elaborate on what to do after using a tissue; After a tissue is used, however, the CDC urges that the students immediately dispose of the tissue in a line trash bag, rather than place it in a pocket or a desk for later, and disinfect their hands.

In conclusion, we can do many things to prevent this infection. - I edited this sentence just to make it a little bit longer and add a better sense of closure; Though this virus is highly contagious, there are still many things that we can do to keep ourselves and the people around us healthy and safe.

- Don't forget to add your source!

Easy Steps to Avoiding COVID-19

COVID-19, a new respiratory virus that's spread across the world, is highly contagious; however, we can do many things to prevent infection. The CDC, World Health Organization, AAP, and many others still champion hand-washing. It is suggested that both students and staff wash their hands with soap and water for roughly 20 seconds - about the length of the "Alphabet Song". Another easy step is aiming our coughs or sneezes into a tissue or the pit of our elbows. This is an easy and effective way to reduce the spread of airborne virus droplets. After a tissue is used, however, the CDC urges that the students immediately dispose of the tissue in a lined trash bag, rather than place it in a pocket or a desk for later, and disinfect their hands. Though this virus is highly contagious, there are still many things that we can do to keep ourselves and the people around us healthy and safe.

- Overall, great start here! Just watch your repetition of details, fluidity, and grammar, and don't be afraid to elaborate! Edited by Lainey Morris