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| | '''Meku's Writing Page''' | | '''Meku's Writing Page''' |
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| − | | + | If a person wanted to become an astronaut they would need to have a master's degree in STEM. They also would need work experience especially in flying jets. This year 12,000 people signed up to be an astronaut. 12 out of 12,000 people will be chosen to become an astronaut. The 12 people who have been chosen to become an astronaut will go through two years of training learning Russian to make it easier to work with the Russian astronauts. |
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| − | <br><br>The main reason for why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland is that their breeding habitats are being restored on the several wetland areas through extensive Vegetation management in Maryland. The elements needed to be in a egg laying place for a female Eastern Tiger Salamander are fish less freshwater ponds, lot of sunlight , and up right vegetation.
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| − | I could’t find the second reason.
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| − | The main reason for why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland is that their breeding habitats are being restored on the several wetland areas through extensive Vegetation management in Maryland.
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| − | ***Edited for word choice and fluidity and capitalization: The main reason that Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland is that their breeding habitats are being restored on several wetlands through extensive vegetation management.
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| − | ***Never follow "reason" with "why" because it is repetitive. Instead, use "the reason that... is that." No need for "the" before "several wetland areas" if you already use "several" to describe the areas. No need to capitalize "vegetation." Also don't need to write "in Maryland" at the end since you already mention it in the beginning of the sentence.
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| − | <br>The elements needed to be in a egg laying place for a female Eastern Tiger Salamander are fish less freshwater ponds, lot of sunlight , and up right vegetation.
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| − | ***Edited for fluidity and word choice: The elements needed in a place for female Eastern Tiger Salamanders to lay eggs in include fishless, freshwater ponds, abundant sunlight, and upright vegetation.
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| − | ***It sounds clearer if you format the first half of the sentence differently. "Fishless" is one word. Comma between "fishless" and "freshwater" because both describe "ponds." Switch "lot of sunlight" to "abundant sunlight" → sounds more academic. "Upright" is one word.
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| − | '''Final Edited Version:'''
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| − | The main reason that Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland is that their breeding habitats are being restored on several wetlands through extensive vegetation management. The elements needed in a place for female Eastern Tiger Salamanders to lay eggs in include fishless, freshwater ponds, abundant sunlight, and upright vegetation.
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| − | ***Not bad! However, please write more sentences in the future. Even if you can't find a second reason, you can explain more about the importance of their reappearance; draw out more information from your text. Focus on your spelling and commas.
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| − | Edited by Ashley Leung
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If a person wanted to become an astronaut they would need to have a master's degree in STEM. They also would need work experience especially in flying jets. This year 12,000 people signed up to be an astronaut. 12 out of 12,000 people will be chosen to become an astronaut. The 12 people who have been chosen to become an astronaut will go through two years of training learning Russian to make it easier to work with the Russian astronauts.
