The World for Freedom

Revision as of 18:30, 2 April 2020

Teno's Writing Page JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children. To begin with, it educated children. The text states "to keep children educated and entertained... including free access to the audiobook version of the first installment in the series." This means, many kids will stay educated and will keep their minds fresh. To add on, the webpage also has fun games and activities! In the text it states "Other features of hub include articles, puzzles and videos." To clarify, kids will still have fun but also stay educated! In conclusion, JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children.

Postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing negative situations. To start with, some of the athletes got headaches and heartaches because of this. The text states "It also figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community." This shows, many athletes are very streesed about the Olympics postponing. To add on, all the athletes hard work isn't worth it anymore. The text states "For the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training to complete this summer." This means, that many athletes are very sad that they worked so hard for nothing. In conclusion, postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing negative situations.

I added a title again since you didn't have one - start adding titles!
The 2020 Olympics: Postponed

Postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing negative situations.
This is a good sentence that explains what your topic is about, but you still need some more introduction.
Athletes and fans across the world are upset after hearing that the 2020 Olympics will be postponed.

To start with, some of the athletes got headaches and heartaches because of this. The text states "It also figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community."
The second sentence here just repeats what you said in the first sentence. Instead, combine them into one sentence.
This sad event "figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community," says the text.

This shows, many athletes are very streesed about the Olympics postponing. To add on, all the athletes hard work isn't worth it anymore.
These are two more sentences that you can also combine. Also, watch your spelling: "streesed" is actually spelled "stressed".
Many athletes are very stressed about the Olympics being postponed and feel like their hard work isn't worth it anymore.

The text states "For the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training to complete this summer." This means, that many athletes are very sad that they worked so hard for nothing.
You can also combine these two sentences.
11,000 athletes spent years training for the events this summer, but now they feel like they worked hard for nothing.

In conclusion, postponing the 2020 Olympics are causing negative situations.
This is a good wrap-up summary for your paragraph! I bet you can make it a bit better though!
The postponing of the 2020 Olympics is causing heartbreak for athletes and fans across the world.

The 2020 Olympics: Postponed Athletes and fans across the world are upset after hearing that the 2020 Olympics will be postponed. This sad event "figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community," says the text. Many athletes are very stressed about the Olympics being postponed and feel like their hard work isn't worth it anymore. 11,000 athletes spent years training for the events this summer, but now they feel like they worked hard for nothing. The postponing of the 2020 Olympics is causing heartbreak for athletes and fans across the world.

Teno, I feel like you're not reading my suggestions! For your next paragraph, please remember to add a title. I combined a few sentences in this paragraph, and here's why: sometimes two sentences might be a little awkward on their own, or maybe they say the same thing, so combining them creates a better flow for your paragraph. Also watch your spelling - sometimes reading over what you've written can help you catch mistakes you didn't notice before! Keep working hard! Edited by Lainey Morris

I went ahead and added a title since you didn't have one again.
Creating the Best Environment for Online Learning

    There are many ways students can learn best while studying online. To begin with, kids can move anything that distracts them and makes them unfocused and not stay anywhere near a bed or sofa. The text states "Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it seperate from your bed or sofa." This means, if kids start doing this they can learn best online. To add on, instead of multi-tasking, kids can do task and jobs on at a time. The text states "You'll absorb more information and complete assignments with greater productivity and ease than if you were trying to do many things at once." To clarify, if kids started doing things one at a time, they can learn best online. In conclusion, there are many ways students can learn best while studying online.

There are many ways students can learn best while studying online. 

This is a good sentence to open up the general argument for your paragraph, but you still need an opening to explain why you're talking about how students can learn while studying online.
Studying online is a new challenge for lots of students, but there are many ways that students can learn while studying online.

To begin with, kids can move anything that distracts them and makes them unfocused and not stay anywhere near a bed or sofa.
"To begin with," isn't a bad phrase, but you can definitely use one that flows better, like "A good first step is". Instead of using a word like "unfocused" that sounds a bit more choppy, saying something like "take away their focus" also gives the sentence a better flow. I also went ahead and split this sentence in half so that there are two separate thoughts for distracting objects and keeping away from a bed or a sofa, and I also took out the quote since you already stated everything in your own words that the quote said.
A good first step is for students to move anything that might distract them or take away their focus. It's also helpful to make sure that they're not studying anywhere near a bed or a sofa if possible.

The text states "Remove any distractions from the space, and if possible, make it seperate from your bed or sofa."
Again, I went ahead and removed this sentence/quote since you already mentioned these details.

This means, if kids start doing this they can learn best online.
We can assume that the reader understands that by taking these steps, students will have a better online learning experience, so there's no need to say, "This means," . Instead, use a transitional phrase like "after this" to guide the paragraph along and also elaborate the helpfulness of the steps you have listed.
After this, kids will find it to be a better learning environment for online classes.

To add on, instead of multi-tasking, kids can do task and jobs on at a time.
First, "multitasking" is just one word. You also don't need to say "task" and "jobs", just one of those is good. Instead of saying, "To add on,", which sounds choppy and doesn't flow well, use a phrase with better flow like "another way". That way your paragraph sounds more organic and not so robotic. I also went ahead and included the quote with this sentence instead of creating two separate sentences - this just creates a more natural flow.
Another way to create a better learning environment for students is by doing tasks one at a time, the text saying that, "You'll absorb more information and complete assignments with greater productivity and ease than if you were trying to do many things at once."

The text states "You'll absorb more information and complete assignments with greater productivity and ease than if you were trying to do many things at once."
Again, I combined this with the prior sentence.

To clarify, if kids started doing things one at a time, they can learn best online.
We can assume here again that the reader is realizing that this step will also help students with their online learning, so there's no need for an explicit phrase like "to clarify". Instead, elaborate on how tackling work this way will be even more useful for an online setting.
Tackling assignments one at a time like this instead of multitasking can be especially helpful for online learning.

In conclusion, there are many ways students can learn best while studying online.
Instead of using a phrase like "in conclusion" for your concluding sentence, create a sentence that gives a good sense of closure and ending to your paragraph - a wrap-up of your paragraph.
Students everywhere are finding online classes challenging, but there are many steps they can take to make sure they learn as much as they can.

Creating the Best Environment for Online Learning

Studying online is a new challenge for lots of students, but there are many ways that students can learn while studying online. A good first step is for students to move anything that might distract them or take away their focus. It's also helpful to make sure that they're not studying anywhere near a bed or a sofa if possible. After this, kids will find it to be a better learning environment for online classes. Another way to create a better learning environment for students is by doing tasks one at a time, the text saying that, "You'll absorb more information and complete assignments with greater productivity and ease than if you were trying to do many things at once." Tackling assignments one at a time like this instead of multitasking can be especially helpful for online learning. Students everywhere are finding online classes challenging, but there are many steps they can take to make sure they learn as much as they can.

- I can tell that you maybe didn't read all of my tips from last time, so be sure to read those! Instead of using terms like "to add on" and "to clarify", use descriptive words and phrases to help the reader along instead. For example, I edited your paper to say "Tackling assignments one at a time like this instead of multitasking..." after the quote from the text rather than saying "This means," and "To add on, instead of multi-tasking...". Writing like this gives the paragraph a better flow and makes it easier for the reader to form conclusions on their own. Also make sure you're watching your spelling ("seperate" is spelled "separate"), add your source, and add a title next time! You're doing great! Edited by Lainey Morris

Easy Steps to Avoiding COVID-19 - I went ahead and added a title for you since you didn't have one. In this case, a short and clear title works best.

We can do many things to prevent this infection. - This is a good sentence! However, without the title, the reader doesn't know what infection you're talking about. Add a short introduction to the sickness you're talking about first; COVID-19, a new respiratory virus that's spread across the world, is highly contagious; however, we can do many things to prevent infection.

To begin with, we can start washing our hands for 20sec long or at least how long the alphabet song is. - I edited this sentence to tie it back to the article by citing the CDC, World Health Organization, and AAP. I also edited this sentence so that the reference to the "Alphabet Song" was used only once; The CDC, World Heath Organization, AAP, and many others still champion hand-washing.

The text states "Students and staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20seconds- about the length of the "Alphabet song." - I edited this sentence to summarize the text in different words instead of directly quoting it; also note that "Song" should be capitalized because it's in a song title; It is suggested that both students and staff wash their hands with soap and water for roughly 20 seconds - about the length of the "Alphabet Song".

This means, If more people start washing their hands with soap for at least 20seconds, they will be able to prevent the infection (virus) - I took this sentence out because we could infer from the rest of your paragraph that washing our hands this way will help prevent spread of the virus.

To add on, We can start to cough and sneeze into a tissue or the antecubital space (elbow pit). In the text it states "Coughing or sneezing into a tissue or the crook of an elbow can help reduce the spread of airborne." - I edited and combined these two sentences to create a better flow; Another easy step is aiming our coughs or sneezes into a tissue or the pit of our elbows.

To clarify, If people start to cough and sneeze into a tissue or the crook of an elbow, they will be able to prevent this infection(virus). - Instead of having "to clarify", I edited this sentence so that the reader knows they're getting clarification without being told by explaining why coughing and sneezing into the elbow pit/tissue is beneficial and brought down your explanation from the previous sentence; This is an easy and effective way to reduce the spread of airborne virus droplets.

- Then, I added one more sentence to elaborate on what to do after using a tissue; After a tissue is used, however, the CDC urges that the students immediately dispose of the tissue in a line trash bag, rather than place it in a pocket or a desk for later, and disinfect their hands.

In conclusion, we can do many things to prevent this infection. - I edited this sentence just to make it a little bit longer and add a better sense of closure; Though this virus is highly contagious, there are still many things that we can do to keep ourselves and the people around us healthy and safe.

- Don't forget to add your source!

Easy Steps to Avoiding COVID-19

COVID-19, a new respiratory virus that's spread across the world, is highly contagious; however, we can do many things to prevent infection. The CDC, World Health Organization, AAP, and many others still champion hand-washing. It is suggested that both students and staff wash their hands with soap and water for roughly 20 seconds - about the length of the "Alphabet Song". Another easy step is aiming our coughs or sneezes into a tissue or the pit of our elbows. This is an easy and effective way to reduce the spread of airborne virus droplets. After a tissue is used, however, the CDC urges that the students immediately dispose of the tissue in a lined trash bag, rather than place it in a pocket or a desk for later, and disinfect their hands. Though this virus is highly contagious, there are still many things that we can do to keep ourselves and the people around us healthy and safe.

- Overall, great start here! Just watch your repetition of details, fluidity, and grammar, and don't be afraid to elaborate! Edited by Lainey Morris