The World for Freedom

Revision as of 14:42, 27 July 2018

Thet's Article Page Shakes Extinction

• • • A proper title is missing from this article, which is important to reinforce the main idea of your article. Consider trying a more relevant title: " Hazards of Shark Overfishing".

Shakes all around the world are trageted for one thing and it is its liver, known as squalene.

• • • Various misspellings- "shakes" and "trageted should be "sharks" and "targeted". Furthermore, the phrase "one thing and it is" is excessive. Try using a more straightforward and concise wording: " Sharks throughout the world are targeted specifically for their livers." Also, the term "squalene' refers to the organic compound itself obtained from shark liver oil, not the liver itself. And thus the sentence should read: "Sharks throughout the world are targeted specifically for their liver oils, which possess both commercial and health value. This helps in transitioning to the next sentence as well."

Squalene contains specail oil that is essential for moisturizing and have many nutrients that is good for your skin.

• • • As noted earlier, squalene refers to the organic compound found in shark liver oil. Therefore, it does not contain the oil, and is within the oil. The sentence should read: " The squalene found in shark liver oil.." The phrase "have many nutrients..." is using the wrong tense. The word "have" should be replaced with has". Altogether, it should sound like this: " The squalene found in shark liver oil is an exceptional moisturizer, and has many nutrients that is beneficial for your skin.

People used the squalene and used it to produce make-up, lipsticks, loions, and sunscreens.

• • • When discussing events that are still ongoing, use present tense instead of past tense. Replace "used" with use". In addition, the word "people" is vague and does not specify any specific group, thus making it applicable to all people. Use "companies" or "entrepreneurs" to fix this issue. Subsequently, to clarify the sentence even further, categorize the products listed that squalene is used in. In whole, the sentence should read: "In fact, companies utilize squalene in various health and beauty products, such as make-up, lipsticks, lotions, and sunscreens." The transition "in fact" helps to link your sentences together and streamline the ideas.

But not only were the sharks targeted for oils but for seafood known as shark fin soup mostly served in China.

• • • This sentence is run-on, and sounds clunky and disorganized. Use a better transition word to illustrate a shift in topic and use commas when necessary to fix this issue, or consider dividing the sentence into two parts: "However, sharks are not only overfished for their oils. Sharks are commonly used in seafood dishes such as the infamous shark fin soup, served primarily in China."

As more and more sharks are fished the harder for the sharks to reproduce and harder for them to grow.

• • • Commas are missing from this sentence, making it run-on. Additionally, the phrase "sharks to reproduce and harder for them to grow" can be compacted to make it sound less wordy: " As sharks are continually overfished, it becomes more difficult for sharks to reproduce and grow."

This can lead to extinction to some species of sharks.

• • • Leading this sentence with the word "this" sounds bland and lacking. Try using words/phrases such as "As a result," or " Due to this,", which indicates a conclusion or consequence: "As a result, some species of sharks are approaching extinction."

Full Edited Article: Sharks throughout the world are targeted specifically for their liver oils, which possess both commercial and health value. The squalene found in shark liver oil is an exceptional moisturizer, and has many nutrients that is beneficial for your skin. In fact, companies utilize squalene in various health and beauty products, such as make-up, lipsticks, lotions, and sunscreens. However, sharks are not only overfished for their oils. They are commonly used in seafood dishes such as the infamous shark fin soup, served primarily in China. As sharks are continually overfished, it becomes more difficult for sharks to reproduce and grow. As a result, some species of sharks are approaching extinction.

Jupiter's New Moon: Weirdo

Jupiter has 53 moons in total founded by Galileo Galilei backed in 1610. But 16 of those weren't named and the two that were discovered last year make it 69 moons in total. The most recent discoveres is finding 10 more moons to make it 79 moons in total. Out of the 79 moons each of the moons were put into a group. Out of the 12 moons one of the moon wasn't orbiting like the rest of the moons. Many scientists believed that once the moon was collided with something, since it function a bit differently. Being different from the rest of the moons, scientists named it Weirdo.

Parasite Alert!

Toxoplasama gondii is a cat poop parasite that have both infected not just humans but other rodents as well. T. gondii would likely infected warm blooded animals that come to close contact. Causing it to have less fears, for example, infecting a mouse would cause it to have less fear of cats. Getting infected will change one judgement, personality, and mental health. Researchers also found that many people who are infected will choose career that is challenging and risky.