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'''Original:'''
 
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<br> The Sun Is Very Lazy
 
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<br> Researchers compared our sun to 369 other stars, which the were similar to our sun. What the researchers found out was that other stars are more active than our own sun. They also saw that other stars revealed that they are around five times the brightness variability showed by the sun during the same time period. The magnetic fields caused by the star’s electrically charged gases are very strong. And so to cross and interact in ways that cause solar flares. When our sun lets out these intense bursts of radiation They can collide with Earth’s own magnetic field that makes an aurora. https://www.popsci.com/story/space/sun-low-activity-star/
 
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<br> '''Corrections:'''
 
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<br> The Sun Is Very Lazy
 
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***Title is pretty good; it’s straight to the point. However, it doesn’t really entail what the article is about. What about "Why the Sun Is Lazy Compared to Other Stars"?
 
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Researchers compared our sun to 369 other stars, which the were similar to our sun.
 
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*** Omit “the”.
 
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What the researchers found out was that other stars are more active than our own sun.
 
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*** Sounds good!
 
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They also saw that other stars revealed that they are around five times the brightness variability showed by the sun during the same time period.
 
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*** Edited for word choice. Try: In addition, they discovered that other stars exhibited around five times the brightness variability as the sun; all of which was shown during the same period.
 
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The magnetic fields caused by the star’s electrically charged gases are very strong.
 
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*** There’s a lot to wrap your head around here. Let’s add a hyphen to execute this statement a little better: The magnetic fields–which are caused by the star’s electrically charged gases–are very strong. 
 
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And so to cross and interact in ways that cause solar flares.
 
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***Beginning a sentence with a coordinating conjunction (like “and”) is perfectly fine; however, what if we try this: As a result, there is a high chance that they will cross and interact in ways that cause solar flares. Also, I want to point out that what you have written sounds very similar to what was said in the article. Be careful with that!
 
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When our sun lets out these intense bursts of radiation They can collide with Earth’s own magnetic field that makes an aurora.
 
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*** Careful with plagiarism! This sentence is almost identical to the one in the article. When you paraphrase, you take what’s written in the article and put it in your own words. Let’s try: When bursts of radiation are released from the sun, they can interact with Earth’s magnetic field which creates what is known as aurorae.
 
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*** We need a conclusion. The article states that the sun’s activity dates to 9,000 years back and that it may perk back up at some other time. We can say: Although the sun’s most lively activity dates back to 9,000 years ago, scientists believe that the star will become active sometime in the future. Combine this with the last sentence so that we maintain our 6 sentence paragraph structure. It'll look like this: When bursts of radiation are released from the sun, they can interact with Earth’s magnetic field which creates what is known as aurorae, and although the sun’s most lively activity dates back to 9,000 years ago, scientists believe that the star will become active sometime in the future.
 
  
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<br> '''Full Edited Version:'''
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Hi New Editor!
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<br> Why the Sun Is Lazy Compared to Other Stars 
 
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<br> Researchers compared our sun to 369 other stars, which were similar to our sun. What the researchers found out was that other stars are more active than our own sun. In addition, they discovered that other stars exhibited around five times the brightness variability as the sun; all of which was shown during the same period. The magnetic fields–which are caused by the star’s electrically charged gases–are very strong.  As a result, there is a high chance that they will cross and interact in ways that cause solar flares. When bursts of radiation are released from the sun, they can interact with Earth’s magnetic field which creates what is known as aurorae, and although the sun’s most lively activity dates back to 9,000 years ago, scientists believe that the star will become active sometime in the future. https://www.popsci.com/story/space/sun-low-activity-star/
 
  
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Edited by Kelli Hoeppner
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This is the Practice page for you to make sure you know how to make sure your edits save and how to format certain sentences.
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<br> https://www.popsci.com/story/space/sun-low-activity-star/
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Let's add all of your work here. First, click "edit" in the orange navigation box to the far right. Then copy and paste the edit that you completed here:
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Original Text:
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NASA and SpaceX Jointly Launched
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This mission will mark two historic milestones by the chances of favorable weather, which hover around 50%. The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil, since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX. NASA’s astronaut program has also continued since 2011, and the agency has kept the ISS staffed by buying more than 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of around four billion dollars. But over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station. Which lead them here to be launching together making it a historical moment.
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Edits:
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NASA and SpaceX Jointly Launched
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- - - Edited: “NASA and SpaceX Joint Launch” - It is best to keep titles simple! Since this story is written about the launch before it occurred, it's important that the title follows suit and doesn't speak in the past tense.
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This mission will mark two historic milestones by the chances of favorable weather, which hover around 50%.
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- - - Edited for clarity and necessity: “The NASA and SpaceX mission will mark two historic milestones, weather permitting (the chances of favorable weather hover around 50%).” Clarifying the companies involved in the mission is important in the introduction, even though they were mentioned in the title.
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The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX.
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- - - These sentences are great! Edited: Remove “The” at the beginning. “The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX.”
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NASA’s astronaut program has also continued since 2011, and the agency has kept the ISS staffed by buying more than 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of around four billion dollars.
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- - - Edited for clarity; replacing “ISS” with “International Space Station” and other minor edits: “NASA’s astronaut program has continued since 2011. The agency has kept the International Space Station staffed by purchasing over 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of approximately four billion dollars.” Replacing acronyms with what they actually stand for is important when you first mention something. Imagine that your audience has no idea what the ISS is!
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But over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station. Which led them here to be launching together making it a historical moment.
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- - - Edited: Replacing “But” with “However” to start a sentence, and combining the final two sentences, along with minor grammatical edits: “However, over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station, which led them here to be launching together, making it a historical moment.”  Using "However," is a much better choice to start a sentence than "But". "But" is more often used in the middle of a sentence!
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Edited Paragraph:
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NASA and SpaceX Joint Launch
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The NASA and SpaceX mission will mark two historic milestones, weather permitting (the chances of favorable weather hover around 50%). Space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX. NASA’s astronaut program has continued since 2011. The agency has kept the International Space Station staffed by purchasing over 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of approximately four billion dollars. However, over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station, which led them here to be launching together, making it a historical moment.
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Final Comments: Great job overall! Most of the editing needed was for clarity and minor grammatical errors.
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Original Text
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Mrs Bhaer is thoughtful person. The text it states, "There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once." Also in text, it states, “And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it deer.”  This conveys that she is thoughtful cause she cares about him being sick. In short, this is how come Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful.
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Corrections
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''' Mrs. ''' Bhaer is ''' a ''' thoughtful person.
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      Remember to put a period in “Mrs.” because it is an abbreviation of the word missus. You did this in your last sentence and it was correct! Also, remember to put the article “a” before “thoughtful person.”
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''' In the text, she says, ''' “’There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once.’” Also in the text, she says, “‘And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it ''' dear?’” '''
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      You are right that the text states the quote you chose. However, because you are using the quote to show how Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person, I edited both sentences to include that “she says.” Also, because the quotes you chose already have quotation marks in the text, I edited your paragraph to have another set of single quotation marks (‘ ‘). Lastly, make sure to check that you have copied the text exactly. You had “deer” instead of “dear” and a period instead of a question mark.
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This conveys that she is thoughtful ''' because ''' she cares about him being sick.
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      “Cause” is a slang word that is short for “because.” You should use the full word “because” here, because you are writing a formal paragraph. Also, I didn’t make this change, because I am not sure who Mrs. Bhaer is speaking to, but if you know the name of the “him,” then you should use his name instead of “him.”
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In short, this is ''' why ''' Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful.
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      I included “why” instead of “how come” because “why” is more formal.
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Final Draft
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Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person. In the text, she says, “’There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once.’” Also in the text, she says, “‘And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it dear?’”  This conveys that she is thoughtful because she cares about him being sick. In short, this is why Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful.
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You used a great quote to support your claim that Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful! Just make sure to watch your punctuation and use formal words when writing. Good job!
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<br>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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<br>Now, if you want to separate any of the sentences, simply add <code><nowiki><br></nowiki></code> to the beginning of the sentence you want to be separated from another sentence.
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<br>If you want to separate any of the sentences, simply add <code><nowiki><br><br></nowiki></code> to the beginning of the sentence you want to be separated from another sentence.
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<br>If you want to bold any of the text, add three apostrophes to the front of the text you want bolded and three apostrophes to the end of the text you want bolded, like this <code><nowiki>'''</nowiki></code>'''Billy'''<code><nowiki>'''</nowiki></code>
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<br>Lastly, do not forget to save your changes or none of the edits will remain. Look below this text entry box. You'll see a blue button that says, "Save Changes". Click that and all your work will be saved!

Latest revision as of 16:31, 4 June 2020

Hi New Editor!

This is the Practice page for you to make sure you know how to make sure your edits save and how to format certain sentences.

Let's add all of your work here. First, click "edit" in the orange navigation box to the far right. Then copy and paste the edit that you completed here:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original Text:

NASA and SpaceX Jointly Launched

This mission will mark two historic milestones by the chances of favorable weather, which hover around 50%. The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil, since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX. NASA’s astronaut program has also continued since 2011, and the agency has kept the ISS staffed by buying more than 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of around four billion dollars. But over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station. Which lead them here to be launching together making it a historical moment.

Edits:

NASA and SpaceX Jointly Launched

- - - Edited: “NASA and SpaceX Joint Launch” - It is best to keep titles simple! Since this story is written about the launch before it occurred, it's important that the title follows suit and doesn't speak in the past tense.

This mission will mark two historic milestones by the chances of favorable weather, which hover around 50%.

- - - Edited for clarity and necessity: “The NASA and SpaceX mission will mark two historic milestones, weather permitting (the chances of favorable weather hover around 50%).” Clarifying the companies involved in the mission is important in the introduction, even though they were mentioned in the title.

The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX.

- - - These sentences are great! Edited: Remove “The” at the beginning. “The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX.”

NASA’s astronaut program has also continued since 2011, and the agency has kept the ISS staffed by buying more than 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of around four billion dollars.

- - - Edited for clarity; replacing “ISS” with “International Space Station” and other minor edits: “NASA’s astronaut program has continued since 2011. The agency has kept the International Space Station staffed by purchasing over 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of approximately four billion dollars.” Replacing acronyms with what they actually stand for is important when you first mention something. Imagine that your audience has no idea what the ISS is!

But over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station. Which led them here to be launching together making it a historical moment.

- - - Edited: Replacing “But” with “However” to start a sentence, and combining the final two sentences, along with minor grammatical edits: “However, over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station, which led them here to be launching together, making it a historical moment.” Using "However," is a much better choice to start a sentence than "But". "But" is more often used in the middle of a sentence!

Edited Paragraph:

NASA and SpaceX Joint Launch

The NASA and SpaceX mission will mark two historic milestones, weather permitting (the chances of favorable weather hover around 50%). Space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX. NASA’s astronaut program has continued since 2011. The agency has kept the International Space Station staffed by purchasing over 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of approximately four billion dollars. However, over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station, which led them here to be launching together, making it a historical moment.

Final Comments: Great job overall! Most of the editing needed was for clarity and minor grammatical errors.



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Original Text

Mrs Bhaer is thoughtful person. The text it states, "There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once." Also in text, it states, “And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it deer.” This conveys that she is thoughtful cause she cares about him being sick. In short, this is how come Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful.

Corrections

Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person. 

     Remember to put a period in “Mrs.” because it is an abbreviation of the word missus. You did this in your last sentence and it was correct! Also, remember to put the article “a” before “thoughtful person.”

In the text, she says, “’There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once.’” Also in the text, she says, “‘And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it dear?’”  

     You are right that the text states the quote you chose. However, because you are using the quote to show how Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person, I edited both sentences to include that “she says.” Also, because the quotes you chose already have quotation marks in the text, I edited your paragraph to have another set of single quotation marks (‘ ‘). Lastly, make sure to check that you have copied the text exactly. You had “deer” instead of “dear” and a period instead of a question mark.

This conveys that she is thoughtful because she cares about him being sick. 

     “Cause” is a slang word that is short for “because.” You should use the full word “because” here, because you are writing a formal paragraph. Also, I didn’t make this change, because I am not sure who Mrs. Bhaer is speaking to, but if you know the name of the “him,” then you should use his name instead of “him.”

In short, this is why Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful. 

     I included “why” instead of “how come” because “why” is more formal.

Final Draft

Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person. In the text, she says, “’There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once.’” Also in the text, she says, “‘And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it dear?’”  This conveys that she is thoughtful because she cares about him being sick. In short, this is why Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful.


You used a great quote to support your claim that Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful! Just make sure to watch your punctuation and use formal words when writing. Good job!





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Now, if you want to separate any of the sentences, simply add <br> to the beginning of the sentence you want to be separated from another sentence.
If you want to separate any of the sentences, simply add <br><br> to the beginning of the sentence you want to be separated from another sentence.
If you want to bold any of the text, add three apostrophes to the front of the text you want bolded and three apostrophes to the end of the text you want bolded, like this '''Billy'''
Lastly, do not forget to save your changes or none of the edits will remain. Look below this text entry box. You'll see a blue button that says, "Save Changes". Click that and all your work will be saved!