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Hi New Editor!
 
Hi New Editor!
  
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Let's add all of your work here. First, click "edit" in the orange navigation box to the far right. Then copy and paste the edit that you completed here:
 
Let's add all of your work here. First, click "edit" in the orange navigation box to the far right. Then copy and paste the edit that you completed here:
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Original Text:
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NASA and SpaceX Jointly Launched
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This mission will mark two historic milestones by the chances of favorable weather, which hover around 50%. The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil, since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX. NASA’s astronaut program has also continued since 2011, and the agency has kept the ISS staffed by buying more than 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of around four billion dollars. But over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station. Which lead them here to be launching together making it a historical moment.
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Edits:
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NASA and SpaceX Jointly Launched
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- - - Edited: “NASA and SpaceX Joint Launch” - It is best to keep titles simple! Since this story is written about the launch before it occurred, it's important that the title follows suit and doesn't speak in the past tense.
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This mission will mark two historic milestones by the chances of favorable weather, which hover around 50%.
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- - - Edited for clarity and necessity: “The NASA and SpaceX mission will mark two historic milestones, weather permitting (the chances of favorable weather hover around 50%).” Clarifying the companies involved in the mission is important in the introduction, even though they were mentioned in the title.
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The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX.
  
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Saving Harmed Koalas In Australia
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- - - These sentences are great! Edited: Remove “The” at the beginning. “The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX.”
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NASA’s astronaut program has also continued since 2011, and the agency has kept the ISS staffed by buying more than 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of around four billion dollars.
  
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The Australian bush fires killed and harmed many animals especially koalas they were burnt and then after were starving, so scientists are going to the forest to save these koalas. Koalas that survived the bush fires in Australia are now dying from the harsh conditions such as, starvation, dehydration, smoke inhalation, and so many other conditions that have to survive through. Over the past time the rescue team found koalas crushed under trees that were on fire. The koalas with burnt paws after going down to the festered ground after the fire had passed, hoping to change trees and find food. One of the many recent rescues was an orphaned, scrawny koala with all of its four paws burnt. The koalas are keep dying because of the conditions in the forest like infections because of the burns and the smoke and them inhaling that smoke and others can't find food. So these koalas need help immediately because of the conditions their going through in the forest.
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- - - Edited for clarity; replacing “ISS” with “International Space Station” and other minor edits: “NASA’s astronaut program has continued since 2011. The agency has kept the International Space Station staffed by purchasing over 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of approximately four billion dollars.” Replacing acronyms with what they actually stand for is important when you first mention something. Imagine that your audience has no idea what the ISS is!
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But over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station. Which led them here to be launching together making it a historical moment.
  
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Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/koalas-dying-after-bushfires/
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- - - Edited: Replacing “But” with “However” to start a sentence, and combining the final two sentences, along with minor grammatical edits: “However, over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station, which led them here to be launching together, making it a historical moment.”  Using "However," is a much better choice to start a sentence than "But". "But" is more often used in the middle of a sentence!
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Edited Paragraph:
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NASA and SpaceX Joint Launch
 
   
 
   
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The NASA and SpaceX mission will mark two historic milestones, weather permitting (the chances of favorable weather hover around 50%). Space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX. NASA’s astronaut program has continued since 2011. The agency has kept the International Space Station staffed by purchasing over 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of approximately four billion dollars. However, over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station, which led them here to be launching together, making it a historical moment.
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Final Comments: Great job overall! Most of the editing needed was for clarity and minor grammatical errors.
  
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Saving Harmed Koalas In Australia
 
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<br> - Edited for syntax; Saving Koalas Harmed in Australia
 
  
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The Australian bush fires killed and harmed many animals especially koalas they were burnt and then after were starving, so scientists are going to the forest to save these koalas.
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<br> - Edited for grammar, word choice, and syntax (remember bushfires is one word); The Australian bushfires killed and harmed many animals, especially burnt and starving koalas, so scientists are going to the forest to save them.
 
  
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Koalas that survived the bush fires in Australia are now dying from the harsh conditions such as, starvation, dehydration, smoke inhalation, and so many other conditions that have to survive through.
 
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<br> - Edited for grammar and word choice; Koalas that survived the bushfires are now dying from harsh conditions such as starvation, dehydration, smoke inhalation, and others.
 
  
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Over the past time the rescue team found koalas crushed under trees that were on fire. The koalas with burnt paws after going down to the festered ground after the fire had passed, hoping to change trees and find food.
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Original Text
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<br> - I am combining these two sentences to adhere to the six sentence structure.
 
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<br> - Edited for word choice and syntax (word choice seems a bit too close to the original); The rescue even team found koalas crushed under trees that were on fire, and koalas with burnt paws from climbing down to the ground in order to find food and a new tree.
 
  
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One of the many recent rescues was an orphaned, scrawny koala with all four of its paws burnt.
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Mrs Bhaer is thoughtful person. The text it states, "There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once." Also in text, it states, “And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it deer.”  This conveys that she is thoughtful cause she cares about him being sick. In short, this is how come Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful.
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<br> - Edited for grammar, otherwise great job; One of the many recent rescues was an orphaned, scrawny koala with all four paws burnt.
 
  
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The koalas are keep dying because of the conditions in the forest like infections because of the burns and the smoke and them inhaling that smoke and others can’t find food.
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Corrections
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<br> - I am omitting some of this sentence because these are facts that you had already mentioned.
 
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<br> - Edited for grammar and word choice; The koalas keep dying because of terrible conditions in the forest, as well as infections from the burns.
 
  
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So these koalas need help immediately because of the conditions their going through in the forest.
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''' Mrs. ''' Bhaer is ''' a ''' thoughtful person.
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<br> - Edited for grammar and word choice; These koalas need help immediately due to the conditions they’re enduring in the wake of the bushfires.
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      Remember to put a period in “Mrs.” because it is an abbreviation of the word missus. You did this in your last sentence and it was correct! Also, remember to put the article “a” before “thoughtful person.”
  
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I think that overall, the main thing to work on is the order of the words in your sentences. Something that would help with this is reading your paragraph out loud to see if it flows naturally. Good job!
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''' In the text, she says, ''' “’There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once.’” Also in the text, she says, “‘And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it ''' dear?’” '''
  
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Fully Edited Version:
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      You are right that the text states the quote you chose. However, because you are using the quote to show how Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person, I edited both sentences to include that “she says.” Also, because the quotes you chose already have quotation marks in the text, I edited your paragraph to have another set of single quotation marks (‘ ‘). Lastly, make sure to check that you have copied the text exactly. You had “deer” instead of “dear” and a period instead of a question mark.
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Saving Koalas Harmed in Australia
 
  
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The Australian bushfires killed and harmed many animals, especially burnt and starving koalas, so scientists are going into the forest to save them. Koalas that survived the bushfires are now dying from harsh conditions such as starvation, dehydration, smoke inhalation, and others. The rescue team even found koalas crushed under trees that were on fire, and koalas with burnt paws from climbing down to the ground in order to find food and a new tree. One of the many recent rescues was an orphaned, scrawny koala with all four paws burnt. The koalas keep dying because of terrible conditions in the forest, as well as infections from the burns. These koalas need help immediately due to the conditions they’re enduring in the wake of the bushfires.
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This conveys that she is thoughtful ''' because ''' she cares about him being sick.  
  
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Source: https://www.popsci.com/story/animals/koalas-dying-after-bushfires/
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      “Cause” is a slang word that is short for “because.” You should use the full word “because” here, because you are writing a formal paragraph. Also, I didn’t make this change, because I am not sure who Mrs. Bhaer is speaking to, but if you know the name of the “him,” then you should use his name instead of “him.”
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Edited by Grace Drake
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In short, this is ''' why ''' Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful.
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      I included “why” instead of “how come” because “why” is more formal.
  
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Final Draft
  
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Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person. In the text, she says, “’There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once.’” Also in the text, she says, “‘And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it dear?’”  This conveys that she is thoughtful because she cares about him being sick. In short, this is why Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful.
  
  
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You used a great quote to support your claim that Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful! Just make sure to watch your punctuation and use formal words when writing. Good job!
  
  
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<br>Now, if you want to separate any of the sentences, simply add <code><nowiki>'''</nowiki></code> to the beginning of the sentence you want to be separated from another sentence.
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<br>Now, if you want to separate any of the sentences, simply add <code><nowiki><br></nowiki></code> to the beginning of the sentence you want to be separated from another sentence.
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<br>If you want to separate any of the sentences, simply add <code><nowiki><br><br></nowiki></code> to the beginning of the sentence you want to be separated from another sentence.
 
<br>If you want to bold any of the text, add three apostrophes to the front of the text you want bolded and three apostrophes to the end of the text you want bolded, like this <code><nowiki>'''</nowiki></code>'''Billy'''<code><nowiki>'''</nowiki></code>
 
<br>If you want to bold any of the text, add three apostrophes to the front of the text you want bolded and three apostrophes to the end of the text you want bolded, like this <code><nowiki>'''</nowiki></code>'''Billy'''<code><nowiki>'''</nowiki></code>
 
<br>Lastly, do not forget to save your changes or none of the edits will remain. Look below this text entry box. You'll see a blue button that says, "Save Changes". Click that and all your work will be saved!
 
<br>Lastly, do not forget to save your changes or none of the edits will remain. Look below this text entry box. You'll see a blue button that says, "Save Changes". Click that and all your work will be saved!

Latest revision as of 16:31, 4 June 2020

Hi New Editor!

This is the Practice page for you to make sure you know how to make sure your edits save and how to format certain sentences.

Let's add all of your work here. First, click "edit" in the orange navigation box to the far right. Then copy and paste the edit that you completed here:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Original Text:

NASA and SpaceX Jointly Launched

This mission will mark two historic milestones by the chances of favorable weather, which hover around 50%. The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil, since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX. NASA’s astronaut program has also continued since 2011, and the agency has kept the ISS staffed by buying more than 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of around four billion dollars. But over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station. Which lead them here to be launching together making it a historical moment.

Edits:

NASA and SpaceX Jointly Launched

- - - Edited: “NASA and SpaceX Joint Launch” - It is best to keep titles simple! Since this story is written about the launch before it occurred, it's important that the title follows suit and doesn't speak in the past tense.

This mission will mark two historic milestones by the chances of favorable weather, which hover around 50%.

- - - Edited for clarity and necessity: “The NASA and SpaceX mission will mark two historic milestones, weather permitting (the chances of favorable weather hover around 50%).” Clarifying the companies involved in the mission is important in the introduction, even though they were mentioned in the title.

The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX.

- - - These sentences are great! Edited: Remove “The” at the beginning. “The space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX.”

NASA’s astronaut program has also continued since 2011, and the agency has kept the ISS staffed by buying more than 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of around four billion dollars.

- - - Edited for clarity; replacing “ISS” with “International Space Station” and other minor edits: “NASA’s astronaut program has continued since 2011. The agency has kept the International Space Station staffed by purchasing over 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of approximately four billion dollars.” Replacing acronyms with what they actually stand for is important when you first mention something. Imagine that your audience has no idea what the ISS is!

But over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station. Which led them here to be launching together making it a historical moment.

- - - Edited: Replacing “But” with “However” to start a sentence, and combining the final two sentences, along with minor grammatical edits: “However, over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station, which led them here to be launching together, making it a historical moment.” Using "However," is a much better choice to start a sentence than "But". "But" is more often used in the middle of a sentence!

Edited Paragraph:

NASA and SpaceX Joint Launch

The NASA and SpaceX mission will mark two historic milestones, weather permitting (the chances of favorable weather hover around 50%). Space veterans Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley will become the first NASA astronauts to launch from American soil since the final Space Shuttle flight in 2011. They will also be the first human beings ever to fly to orbit on hardware designed, built, and operated by a private company known as SpaceX. NASA’s astronaut program has continued since 2011. The agency has kept the International Space Station staffed by purchasing over 70 rides on the Soyuz spacecraft from the Russian space program—very expensive tickets that have cost the agency a total of approximately four billion dollars. However, over the last decade or so, NASA has also invested at least three billion dollars in SpaceX and worked closely with the company to help it develop a vehicle—the Crew Dragon—capable of bringing astronauts to the space station, which led them here to be launching together, making it a historical moment.

Final Comments: Great job overall! Most of the editing needed was for clarity and minor grammatical errors.



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Original Text

Mrs Bhaer is thoughtful person. The text it states, "There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once." Also in text, it states, “And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it deer.” This conveys that she is thoughtful cause she cares about him being sick. In short, this is how come Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful.

Corrections

Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person. 

     Remember to put a period in “Mrs.” because it is an abbreviation of the word missus. You did this in your last sentence and it was correct! Also, remember to put the article “a” before “thoughtful person.”

In the text, she says, “’There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once.’” Also in the text, she says, “‘And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it dear?’”  

     You are right that the text states the quote you chose. However, because you are using the quote to show how Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person, I edited both sentences to include that “she says.” Also, because the quotes you chose already have quotation marks in the text, I edited your paragraph to have another set of single quotation marks (‘ ‘). Lastly, make sure to check that you have copied the text exactly. You had “deer” instead of “dear” and a period instead of a question mark.

This conveys that she is thoughtful because she cares about him being sick. 

     “Cause” is a slang word that is short for “because.” You should use the full word “because” here, because you are writing a formal paragraph. Also, I didn’t make this change, because I am not sure who Mrs. Bhaer is speaking to, but if you know the name of the “him,” then you should use his name instead of “him.”

In short, this is why Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful. 

     I included “why” instead of “how come” because “why” is more formal.

Final Draft

Mrs. Bhaer is a thoughtful person. In the text, she says, “’There is a place already for you, my son; sit down and dry your wet feet at once.’” Also in the text, she says, “‘And try to get rid of that ugly cough. How long have you had it dear?’”  This conveys that she is thoughtful because she cares about him being sick. In short, this is why Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful.


You used a great quote to support your claim that Mrs. Bhaer is thoughtful! Just make sure to watch your punctuation and use formal words when writing. Good job!





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Now, if you want to separate any of the sentences, simply add <br> to the beginning of the sentence you want to be separated from another sentence.
If you want to separate any of the sentences, simply add <br><br> to the beginning of the sentence you want to be separated from another sentence.
If you want to bold any of the text, add three apostrophes to the front of the text you want bolded and three apostrophes to the end of the text you want bolded, like this '''Billy'''
Lastly, do not forget to save your changes or none of the edits will remain. Look below this text entry box. You'll see a blue button that says, "Save Changes". Click that and all your work will be saved!