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'''Meku's Writing Page'''
 
'''Meku's Writing Page'''
  
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I can help improve the earth is by using a reusable bag instead of plastic bags.  I could also try not to waste electricity by turning off the lights when no one is in the room.  I could save water by turning off the water when I am brushing my teeth.  The article says 15 billion trees are cut down every year so I could plant trees.  I could also ask my family members to help me plant trees and clean the Neboirhood.  These are some ways I can help improve the earth.
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<br><br>'''Medhir! DO NOT DELETE YOUR WRITINGS!!! YOUR editor doesn't know what to do!'''
  
  
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I can help improve the earth is by using a reusable bag instead of plastic bags.
 
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***Good!
 
  
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<br> I could also try not to waste electricity by turning off the lights when no one is in the room.
 
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***Edited for fluidity and vocabulary: I could also conserve electricity by turning off the lights when no one is in the room.
 
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***You can use "conserve" instead of "try not to waste." More concise.
 
  
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<br>I could save water by turning off the water when I am brushing my teeth.
 
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***Good!
 
  
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<br>The article says 15 billion trees are cut down every year so I could plant trees.
 
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***Edited for clarity and comma: According to the article, 15 billion trees are cut down every year, so I could help plant trees.
 
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***If you aren't quoting directly, then avoid using "say." Comma before "so" since the following phrase is an independent clause.
 
  
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<br>I could also ask my family members to help me plant trees and clean the Neboirhood.
 
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***Edited for spelling: I could also ask my family members to help me plant trees and clean the neighborhood.
 
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***Neighborhood is misspelled.
 
  
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<br>These are some ways I can help improve the earth.
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***Good!
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What Mrs. Bhaer meant when she said, “Teddy is right: there's something in the child.”  is that Nat "the child" is really talented at playing the violin.  I say this because when Nat played the violin everybody in the room who were talking stopped talking to listen to Nat play his violin.  Then after the Nat played a little violin the children and Ms. Bhaer all went to the piano room to play a song together.
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What Mrs. Bhaer meant when she said, “Teddy is right: there's something in the child.”  is that Nat "the child" is really talented at playing the violin.
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***Edited for punctuation: What Mrs. Bhaer meant when she said “Teddy is right: there's something in the child”  is that Nat, "the child," is really talented at playing the violin.
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***Since your sentence does not end with the quote, don't put the period. You can directly remove the comma and period around the quote. Add commas around "the child."
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<br>I say this because when Nat played the violin everybody in the room who were talking stopped talking to listen to Nat play his violin.
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***Edited for punctuation and fludiity: I say this because when Nat played the violin, everybody in the room stopped talking to listen to Nat play.
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***Add a comma after "violin." Condense some repetitive parts.
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<br>Then after the Nat played a little violin the children and Ms. Bhaer all went to the piano room to play a song together.
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***Edited for fluidity: After Nat played for a while, the children and Ms. Bhaer all went to the piano room to play a song together.
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***Replace "a little violin" ith "for a while" (since you're talking about time). Remove "Then."
  
  
 
'''Final Edited Version:
 
'''Final Edited Version:
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I can help improve the earth is by using a reusable bag instead of plastic bags. I could also conserve electricity by turning off the lights when no one is in the room. I could save water by turning off the water when I am brushing my teeth. According to the article, 15 billion trees are cut down every year, so I could help plant trees. I could also ask my family members to help me plant trees and clean the neighborhood. These are some ways I can help improve the earth.
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What Mrs. Bhaer meant when she said “Teddy is right: there's something in the child”  is that Nat, "the child," is really talented at playing the violin. I say this because when Nat played the violin, everybody in the room stopped talking to listen to Nat play. After Nat played for a while, the children and Ms. Bhaer all went to the piano room to play a song together.
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***Overall, good job! Please focus on your punctuation (comma/periods).
  
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***Overall, good job! Please work on your commas and spelling!
 
  
 
Edited by Ashley Leung
 
Edited by Ashley Leung

Latest revision as of 05:27, 2 June 2020

Meku's Writing Page



Medhir! DO NOT DELETE YOUR WRITINGS!!! YOUR editor doesn't know what to do! 







What Mrs. Bhaer meant when she said, “Teddy is right: there's something in the child.”  is that Nat "the child" is really talented at playing the violin.  I say this because when Nat played the violin everybody in the room who were talking stopped talking to listen to Nat play his violin.  Then after the Nat played a little violin the children and Ms. Bhaer all went to the piano room to play a song together.


What Mrs. Bhaer meant when she said, “Teddy is right: there's something in the child.” is that Nat "the child" is really talented at playing the violin.

      • Edited for punctuation: What Mrs. Bhaer meant when she said “Teddy is right: there's something in the child” is that Nat, "the child," is really talented at playing the violin.
      • Since your sentence does not end with the quote, don't put the period. You can directly remove the comma and period around the quote. Add commas around "the child."


I say this because when Nat played the violin everybody in the room who were talking stopped talking to listen to Nat play his violin.

      • Edited for punctuation and fludiity: I say this because when Nat played the violin, everybody in the room stopped talking to listen to Nat play.
      • Add a comma after "violin." Condense some repetitive parts.


Then after the Nat played a little violin the children and Ms. Bhaer all went to the piano room to play a song together.

      • Edited for fluidity: After Nat played for a while, the children and Ms. Bhaer all went to the piano room to play a song together.
      • Replace "a little violin" ith "for a while" (since you're talking about time). Remove "Then."


Final Edited Version: What Mrs. Bhaer meant when she said “Teddy is right: there's something in the child” is that Nat, "the child," is really talented at playing the violin. I say this because when Nat played the violin, everybody in the room stopped talking to listen to Nat play. After Nat played for a while, the children and Ms. Bhaer all went to the piano room to play a song together.


      • Overall, good job! Please focus on your punctuation (comma/periods).


Edited by Ashley Leung