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                             The mother stork wants her children to learn how to fly.  She wants her children to learn how to fly because when the baby strokes heard that the are going to be eaten her mother said you will learn how to fly and not be eaten. According to the text," the kids sang the song and the mother stroke tried to comfort  the young ones but they said we are afraid we don't want to get eaten!" This show why the mother stroke want to teach her children how to fly.
 
                             The mother stork wants her children to learn how to fly.  She wants her children to learn how to fly because when the baby strokes heard that the are going to be eaten her mother said you will learn how to fly and not be eaten. According to the text," the kids sang the song and the mother stroke tried to comfort  the young ones but they said we are afraid we don't want to get eaten!" This show why the mother stroke want to teach her children how to fly.
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The mother stork wants her children to learn how to fly. She wants her children to learn how to fly because when the baby strokes heard that the are going to be eaten her mother said you will learn how to fly and not be eaten.
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***Edited for fluidity (combine sentences): The mother stork wants her children to learn how to fly so that they will not be eaten.
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***You can combine these two sentences to avoid repeating the "she wants her children to learn how to fly..."
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<br>According to the text," the kids sang the song and the mother stroke tried to comfort  the young ones but they said we are afraid we don't want to get eaten!"
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***Edited for spacing and capitalization: According to the text, "The kids sang the song, and the mother stork tried to comfort the young ones, but they said, 'We are afraid we don't want to get eaten!'"
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***Correct the spacing around the first quotation mark. Capitalize the first word of the quote. Also, did you copy the quote correctly?
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<br>This show why the mother stroke want to teach her children how to fly.
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***Edited for plurality and spelling: This shows why the mother stork wants to teach her children how to fly.
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***"Shows" and "wants" are plural because the subject is singular. Misspelled "stork."
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'''Final Edited Version:
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The mother stork wants her children to learn how to fly so that they will not be eaten. According to the text, "The kids sang the song, and the mother stork tried to comfort the young ones, but they said, 'We are afraid we don't want to get eaten!'" This shows why the mother stork wants to teach her children how to fly.
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***Please work on your quotation spacing.
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Edited by Ashley Leung

Revision as of 21:22, 23 May 2020

Pala's Writing Page 

                           The mother stork wants her children to learn how to fly.  She wants her children to learn how to fly because when the baby strokes heard that the are going to be eaten her mother said you will learn how to fly and not be eaten. According to the text," the kids sang the song and the mother stroke tried to comfort  the young ones but they said we are afraid we don't want to get eaten!" This show why the mother stroke want to teach her children how to fly.


The mother stork wants her children to learn how to fly. She wants her children to learn how to fly because when the baby strokes heard that the are going to be eaten her mother said you will learn how to fly and not be eaten.

      • Edited for fluidity (combine sentences): The mother stork wants her children to learn how to fly so that they will not be eaten.
      • You can combine these two sentences to avoid repeating the "she wants her children to learn how to fly..."


According to the text," the kids sang the song and the mother stroke tried to comfort the young ones but they said we are afraid we don't want to get eaten!"

      • Edited for spacing and capitalization: According to the text, "The kids sang the song, and the mother stork tried to comfort the young ones, but they said, 'We are afraid we don't want to get eaten!'"
      • Correct the spacing around the first quotation mark. Capitalize the first word of the quote. Also, did you copy the quote correctly?


This show why the mother stroke want to teach her children how to fly.

      • Edited for plurality and spelling: This shows why the mother stork wants to teach her children how to fly.
      • "Shows" and "wants" are plural because the subject is singular. Misspelled "stork."


Final Edited Version: The mother stork wants her children to learn how to fly so that they will not be eaten. According to the text, "The kids sang the song, and the mother stork tried to comfort the young ones, but they said, 'We are afraid we don't want to get eaten!'" This shows why the mother stork wants to teach her children how to fly.


      • Please work on your quotation spacing.

Edited by Ashley Leung