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| − | The fern sang the song because the fern heard the flax when he says I am so fine and my happiness overpowers me. According to the text," the flax said I am so perfect, people say I look exceedingly well. then the fern said but you do not know the world as much as I do and start singing Snip, Snap, snurre, Basse lurre then the song ended." This show why the fern sang a song to the flax. | + | I can tell that the Baron is not a good person. I can tell he is bad because Baron took no note of; but as he galloped pass by he gave a rough play for the little goose- watchers. According to the text Baron took no note of; but as he galloped past, he reversed the whip held in his hand, and in rough play gave the little goose-watcher such a push with the butt end that a the woman fell into the ditch. Then, he laughed aloud at what he called his own wit, and the rest of them (people)joined with him. The whole party shouted and screamed, and the dogs barked loudly." This shows why Baron is a very, not good person. |
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| − | The fern sang the song because the fern heard the flax when he says I am so fine and my happiness overpowers me.
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| − | ***Edited for tense and pronoun: The fern sang the song because the fern heard the flax when he said he was so fine and happiness overpowers me.
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| − | ***This sentence is kind of unclear (I'm not sure what you mean"). Use past tense. Replace "I" with "he" (only use "I" in quotes when it's actually what he said).
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| − | <br>According to the text," the flax said I am so perfect, people say I look exceedingly well. then the fern said but you do not know the world as much as I do and start singing Snip, Snap, snurre, Basse lurre then the song ended."
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| − | ***Edited for spacing and capitalization: According to the text, "The flax said I am so perfect, people say I look exceedingly well. then the fern said but you do not know the world as much as I do and start singing Snip, Snap, snurre, Basse lurre then the song ended."
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| − | ***Correct the spacing around quotes. Capitalize the first word of the quote.
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| − | <br>This show why the fern sang a song to the flax.
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| − | ***Edited for plurality: This shows why the fern sang a song to the flax.
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| − | ***Change "show" to "shows."
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| − | '''Final Edited Version:
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| − | The fern sang the song because the fern heard the flax when he said he was so fine and happiness overpowers me. According to the text, "The flax said I am so perfect, people say I look exceedingly well. then the fern said but you do not know the world as much as I do and start singing Snip, Snap, snurre, Basse lurre then the song ended." This shows why the fern sang a song to the flax.
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| − | ***Next time, please use shorter quotes and write more in your own words. Please work on quotation mark spaces and making your sentences clearer.
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| − | Edited by Ashley Leung
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Revision as of 23:33, 20 May 2020
Pala's Writing Page
I can tell that the Baron is not a good person. I can tell he is bad because Baron took no note of; but as he galloped pass by he gave a rough play for the little goose- watchers. According to the text Baron took no note of; but as he galloped past, he reversed the whip held in his hand, and in rough play gave the little goose-watcher such a push with the butt end that a the woman fell into the ditch. Then, he laughed aloud at what he called his own wit, and the rest of them (people)joined with him. The whole party shouted and screamed, and the dogs barked loudly." This shows why Baron is a very, not good person.
