The World for Freedom

Revision as of 14:35, 23 April 2020

Tedh's Writing Page

April 2
Harry Potter author JK Rowling has launched an online Potter hub to keep children educated and entertained during the coronavirus pandemic.parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we’re on lockdown might need a bit of magic “Rowling said as she announced the launch.

April 3

One negative thing about participating social distancing is is you have to stay 6 feet away from people so that means you can not go near your friends but the proactive part is that you wont get the coved 19

April 4

Super moons are differnt from the regular moon.One way a super moon is different from a regular is Because a super moon is closer to the earth the regular moon.Another way the super moon is different from the normal moon is because the super moon is bigger and brighter than the regular moon that is why the regular moon and The super moon are differnnt.

Edits:

Super moons are differnt from the regular moon.
- Edited for spelling; Super moons are different from the regular moon.

One way a super moon is different from a regular is Because a super moon is close to the earth the regular moon.
- I like that your sentences fit with your opening sentence! Try to read each sentence out loud to make sure that you don't accidentally leave out words when you type.
- Edited for spelling, grammar, and capitalization; One way a super moon is different from a regular moon is that a super moon is closer to Earth compared to the regular moon.

Another way the super moon is different from the normal moon is because the super moon is bigger and briter than the regular moon and that is why the regular moon and The super moon are differnnt.
- You stated a fact and concluded the paragraph is the same sentence, so I am separating them into two. I am switching up the wording so that it means the same thing, but doesn't say the word "different" because it is in every other sentence. You did a great job staying on task and only writing relevant information!
Edited for spelling, grammar, and capitalization; Another way the super moon is different from the regular moon is that it is also bigger and brighter. In conclusion, that is why the super moon and regular moon cannot be classified as the same.

Overall, nice job following the structure and staying on task within the paragraph. The main things to work on for next time are minor spelling issues. If a word has a red line underneath it after you type, then it is a good idea to check the spelling. Great job!

Fully Edited Version:

Super moons are different from the regular moon. One way a super moon is different from a regular moon is that a super moon is closer to Earth compared to the regular moon. Another way the super moon is different from the regular moon is that it is also bigger and brighter. In conclusion, that is why the super moon and regular moon cannot be classified as the same.

Edited by Grace Drake

Edit Super moons are different from the regular moon. One way a super moon is different from a regular moon is that a super moon is closer to earth compared to the regular moon.Another way the super moon is different from the regular moon is that it is also bigger and brighter.I conclusion, that Is why the super moon and the regular moon cannot be classified as the same

April 15

All of the people who enter the program are most likely not able to become a astronaut .In the text it says that to many people are wanting to become a astronaut so the they made up a plan were that if you join the program you cannot not join the astronaut thingy and 12000 people want to become a astronaut.

Edits:

All of the people who enter the program are most likely not able to become a astronaut.
- I would switch around the wording a bit so it says "not all people are able" instead of "all people are not able". Also, be sure to specify which program!
- Edited for word choice and grammar; Not all people who enter a program at NASA are able to become an astronaut.

In the text it says that to many people are wanting to become a astronaut so the they made up a plan were that if you join the program you cannot not join the astronaut thingy and 12000 people want to become a astronaut.
- I am a bit unclear on the meaning of this sentence. I am shortening it to pull out some of the facts, and if my meaning is not correct you can go back and change the words so it fits with what the article says. Here would be a great place for a direct quote!
- Edited for word choice and grammar; In the text it says that around 12,000 people want to become an astronaut, which is too many, so if you join the program you have to finish it.

This was a great start, but could use one more fact sentence and a conclusion. The second sentence was a bit of a run on, so if you notice your sentences getting long, reread them and see if you can break them up into easier to understand chunks.

Fully Edited Version:

Not all people who enter a program at NASA are able to become an astronaut. In the text it says that around 12,000 people want to become an astronaut, which is too many, so if you join the program you have to finish it.

Edited by Grace Drake

Edit Not all people who enter a program at NASA are able to become an astronaut. In the text it says that around 12,000 people want to become an astronaut, which is to many, so if you join the program you have to finish it. April 16

This graduation and other graduations are different in Tokyo because of the corona virus people can not go to school to graduate so this guy named professor Shugo YanaKa came up with a avatar graduation ceremony The event which was held at Tokyo’s Hotel grand palace on March 28,2020, started with university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting Commencement speech to the students attending Via Video conferencing platform zoom .Then began the virtual graduation ceremony.

Edits:

This graduation and other graduations are different in Tokyo because of the corona virus people can not go to school to graduate so this guy named professor Shugo Yanaka came up with a avatar graduation ceremony
- This sentence is a little long, so we can break it up into two. To sound more official, we should call the coronavirus "COVID-19", because that is its scientific name. Also, don't forget to capitalize words like "professor" if it is somebody's title!
- Edited for word choice and grammar; Graduations are different in Tokyo due to COVID-19. People cannot go to school to graduate, so Professor Shugo Yanaka came up with an avatar graduation ceremony.

The event which was held at Tokyo's Hotel grand palace on March 28,2020, started with university president Kenichi Omae delivering an uplifting Commencement speech to the students while attending Via Video conferencing platform zoom.
- Hotel names and company names should be capitalized. This was a good fact choice! This is a lot of info to pack into one sentence and the grammar can be very tricky to navigate, so breaking this up into smaller sentences will make it easier. Any fact that adds detail but is not the main point can be put in commas such as "held at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace".
- Edited for capitalization, word choice, and grammar; The event, held at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, began with an uplifting Commencement speech delivered to students by Kenichi Omae, president of the university, via video conferencing platform Zoom.

Then began the virtual graduation ceremony.
- I am just switching the wording around to put this sentence into active voice, which means the subject, "virtual graduation ceremony", comes before the action, "began".
- Edited for syntax; Then, the virtual graduation ceremony began.

You did a nice job! Your second sentence required some more commas, so next time if you have a long sentence, read it out loud and see where you naturally pause. That trick helps me figure out where to place them. You can also always break them up into smaller sentences with a bit less detail, and then expand in the next sentence.

Fully Edited Version:

Graduations are very different in Tokyo due to COVID-19. People cannot go to school to graduate, so Professor Shugo Yanaka came up with an avatar graduation ceremony. The event, held at Tokyo's Hotel Grand Palace on March 28, 2020, began with an uplifting Commencement speech delivered to students by Kenichi Omae, president of the university, via video conferencing platform Zoom. Then, the virtual graduation ceremony began.

Edited by Grace Drake

Edit Graduations are very different in Tokyo due to the COVID-19. People cannot go to school to graduate, so professor Shugo Yanaka came up with a avatar graduation ceremony. The event, held at Tokyo’s Hotel Grand Palace an March 28, 2020, began with an uplifting commencement speech delivered to students by Kenichi Omae, president of the University, Via Video conferencing platform Zoom. Then, the virtual graduation ceremony began.

April 17

Willam achieved many goals one goal is helping giving poor people food he persuaded his brother alaxander food drive Many children, not just William and his brother, still help make Food drive Kids’ food drive a success.

Edits:

Willam achieved many goals one goal is helping giving poor people food he persuaded his brother alaxander food drive Many children, not just William and his brother, still help make Food drive Kids’ food drive a success.
- This is a good start, but we can split this up into a few sentences. Try to make sure that you are sticking to the RACE structure, and if you need help with that just type your questions in on this page!

Here is how I would have split this up into different sentences:
William achieved many goals. One goal is helping others by giving food to people in need. He persuaded his brother, Alexander, to help with the food drive. Many children including William and Alexander still help make the food drive a success.

Edited by Grace Drake

April 20 The article report’s that earth day will be celebrated at the date 4/24/2020 and people are buying plant’s and planting them in cups or jars also we are not allowed to go outside because of the COVID-19.

April 22

The Maryland are helping seniors. In the article it says that. Kraft, a retired has been sheltering at home during the coronavirus outbreak, unable to shop for himself. He is also raising his grandchild who is severely handicapped. Concerned about contracting COVID-19 and bringing it home to his grandson, Kraft was yearning for some fresh food to be delivered, and he found teens helping seniors. Soon, Matthew Casertanoand Dhruv Pai showed up at his door with a bag of full of groceries.