The World for Freedom

Revision as of 01:15, 22 April 2020

Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.

Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.

• • • Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food.
    • This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.

I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”.

• • • Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
    • "In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.

Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.

• • • Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children.
    • Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The end of world..."

Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.

Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.

• • • Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food.
    • This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.

I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”.

• • • Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
    • "In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.

Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.

• • • Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children.
    • Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The end of world..."

I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”.

• • • Edited for quotation marks, punctuation, capitalization: I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."
    • Please fill in the subject/name where I put a question mark (your quote needs to be a full sentence). Comma before first quotation mark. Period inside the quotation mark.

This is how child world hunger ended.

• • • Edited for accuracy: This is how world hunger lessened.
    • Again, world hunger did not end. You can just say it "lessened." No need to specify "child."

Final Edited Version: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food. I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children. I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." This is how world hunger lessened.

• • • Please work on your quotation marks and commas/periods and capitalization.

Edited by Ashley Leung

The two new events stated are that Japanese people found out a new way to make learning easy an online I know this because in the text it states” Zoom The Beginning of the virtual graduation ceremony”. The other event is Japan created robots so they can go in person to meet people by wearing a cap and gown for graduation and these robots names are “New me” I know this because in the text it states “ avatar robots, dressed in graduation caps and gowns”. These are the two new events stated in the story.

Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.

Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.

• • • Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food.
    • This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.

I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”.

• • • Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
    • "In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.

Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.

• • • Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children.
    • Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The end of world..."

I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”.

• • • Edited for quotation marks, punctuation, capitalization: I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."
    • Please fill in the subject/name where I put a question mark (your quote needs to be a full sentence). Comma before first quotation mark. Period inside the quotation mark.

This is how child world hunger ended.

• • • Edited for accuracy: This is how world hunger lessened.
    • Again, world hunger did not end. You can just say it "lessened." No need to specify "child."

Final Edited Version: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food. I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children. I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." This is how world hunger lessened.

• • • Please work on your quotation marks and commas/periods and capitalization.

Edited by Ashley Leung

Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food. I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”. Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger. I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”. This is how child world hunger ended.

Some of the accomplishments William Winslow completed are that he saved starving children by by persuading shoppers and also by buying tons and tons of food.

• • • Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food.
    • This is actually only one accomplishment. Make sure you clarify that Winslow didn't buy the food himself; he persuaded OTHERS to buy/donate. Take out "are that" because it doesn't fit in the context of accomplishing something (EX. Some things he did are that... → doesn't sound right), and change "saved" to "saving." No need to repeat "tons and tons," it sounds unprofessional.

I know this because in the text it states “ he talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break”.

• • • Edited for punctuation (quotation marks, comma) and fluidity and capitalization: I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break."
    • "In the text it states" → "the text states" (less wordy). Comma before the first quotation mark. Capitalize "He" after the first quotation mark. Period INSIDE the quotation mark.

Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is that by persuading shoppers to buy tons of tons of food for starving children this caused The end of world hunger or more likely child world hunger.

• • • Edited for fluidity, clarity, punctuation, capitalization: Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children.
    • Please note that world hunger did not/has not ended, so you can't say he cause the end of world hunger. What he did only HELPED ending world hunger. "or more likely child world hunger" → "especially for children." No need to capitalize "The end of world..."

I know this because it also states in the text “ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday”.

• • • Edited for quotation marks, punctuation, capitalization: I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday."
    • Please fill in the subject/name where I put a question mark (your quote needs to be a full sentence). Comma before first quotation mark. Period inside the quotation mark.

This is how child world hunger ended.

• • • Edited for accuracy: This is how world hunger lessened.
    • Again, world hunger did not end. You can just say it "lessened." No need to specify "child."

Final Edited Version: One accomplishment William Winslow completed is saving starving children by persuading shoppers to help and donate a lot of food. I know this because the text states, "He talked shoppers into buying food 1,400 pounds worth to send home in backpacks with kids during spring break." Another accomplishment William Winslow completed is helping end world hunger, especially for children. I know this because it also states in the text, "__?___ has helped build four school gardens to give kids access to healthy food and has set up two Little Food Pantries, which the brothers stock with food and toiletries each Friday." This is how world hunger lessened.

• • • Please work on your quotation marks and commas/periods and capitalization.

Edited by Ashley Leung