(3 intermediate revisions by 2 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
  
−
All people who enter the program don't become astronauts. One reason is there are many challenging parts to the astronaut training, and the candidates must successfully complete them all. Another reason is over 12,000 people applied and currently only 48 are accepted. This is because many people show interest which is very strong in the US space program. Therefore, all people who enter the program don't become astronauts.
+
One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is ending major hunger for childhood. Another accomplishment that William has achieved is raising $63,000 and collecting 55,000 pounds of food. That is the evidence that William has contributed to help ending major hunger for childhood for so many kids.
 +
 
 +
For fluidity, clarity: '''One of William's achievements is working to end childhood hunger.'''
 +
                        Make sure your sentences make sense in the grand scheme of things. For example, hunger in children is a problem that has not yet been solved. William is merely working to alleviate the problem--he did not eradicate it.  
 +
 
 +
For fluidity: '''William has also raised $63,000 and collected 55,000 pounds of food.'''
 +
 
 +
For clarity, fluidity: '''That is the evidence that William has indeed contributed to help end major childhood hunger for so many kids.'''
 +
 
 +
Fully Edited Summary:
 +
'''One of William's achievements is working to end childhood hunger. William has also raised $63,000 and collected 55,000 pounds of food. That is the evidence that William has indeed contributed to help end major childhood hunger for so many kids.'''
 +
 
 +
Try not to have any excess words in your summaries!
 +
*Edited by Hailey

Latest revision as of 23:03, 17 April 2020

One of the accomplishments that William has achieved is ending major hunger for childhood. Another accomplishment that William has achieved is raising $63,000 and collecting 55,000 pounds of food. That is the evidence that William has contributed to help ending major hunger for childhood for so many kids.

For fluidity, clarity: One of William's achievements is working to end childhood hunger. 

                       Make sure your sentences make sense in the grand scheme of things. For example, hunger in children is a problem that has not yet been solved. William is merely working to alleviate the problem--he did not eradicate it.

For fluidity: William has also raised $63,000 and collected 55,000 pounds of food.

For clarity, fluidity: That is the evidence that William has indeed contributed to help end major childhood hunger for so many kids.

Fully Edited Summary: One of William's achievements is working to end childhood hunger. William has also raised $63,000 and collected 55,000 pounds of food. That is the evidence that William has indeed contributed to help end major childhood hunger for so many kids.

Try not to have any excess words in your summaries!

  • Edited by Hailey