The World for Freedom

Revision as of 20:24, 15 April 2020

Rish's Article Page

               There are requirements to be an astronaut. To begin with, you need to be able to pilot a jet. The text states, "So what does it take to become an astronaut? So what does it take to become an astronaut? ...You also need to have experience flying jet airplanes, though other work experience is also accepted." To clarify, you need to have experience on flying jet airplanes. Also, you have to have a master's degree in STEM. According to the text it states, "So what does it take to become an astronaut? NASA now requires a master’s degree (a higher level college degree) in STEM (science, technology, engineering, or math)." This shows having a masters degree in STEM is a requirement to become an astronaut. To conclude, these are the requirements to be an astronaut.

               There are two opposing sides in the articles. To begin with, Mayor de Blasio is saying the schools might be closed until the end of the year. The text states, "New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday, a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person instruction has been canceled to curb the coronavirus pandemic." To clarify, Mayor de Blasio had said the schools were going to be closed until the end of the year. On the other hand, Governor Cuomo thinks that schools shouldn't be closed for too long. According to the text it states, "Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled end of the school year. Such a move needs to be coordinated across the metro area and possibly even with New Jersey and Connecticut, according to the governor, who has a longstanding public feud with the mayor." This shows Governor Cuomo thought schools shouldn't be closed for too long. To sum up, these are the two opposing sides in the articles.

There are two opposing sides in the articles.

*** Good.

To begin with, Mayor de Blasio is saying the schools might be closed until the end of the year.

*** Good.

The text states, "New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday, a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person instruction has been canceled to curb the coronavirus pandemic."

*** Good.

To clarify, Mayor de Blasio had said the schools were going to be closed until the end of the year.

*** “had” is not needed. Change “were” to “are” since he is describing a plan that may be put in action in the present.

Edited sentence: To clarify, Mayor de Blasio said the schools are going to be closed until the end of the year.

On the other hand, Governor Cuomo thinks that schools shouldn't be closed for too long.

*** Good.

According to the text it states, "Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled end of the school year. Such a move needs to be coordinated across the metro area and possibly even with New Jersey and Connecticut, according to the governor, who has a longstanding public feud with the mayor."

*** Good.

This shows Governor Cuomo thought schools shouldn't be closed for too long.

*** Good.

To sum up, these are the two opposing sides in the articles.

*** Good.

Edited paragraph:

There are two opposing sides in the articles. To begin with, Mayor de Blasio is saying the schools might be closed until the end of the year. The text states, "New York City school buildings will not reopen this academic year, Mayor Bill de Blasio announced Saturday, a decision that would add the nation’s largest school system to the long list of districts where in-person instruction has been canceled to curb the coronavirus pandemic." To clarify, Mayor de Blasio said the schools are going to be closed until the end of the year. On the other hand, Governor Cuomo thinks that schools shouldn't be closed for too long. According to the text it states, "Hours later, Gov. Andrew Cuomo said the mayor had been premature in saying the city’s more than 1 million public school students would continue to learn remotely at least through June 26, the scheduled end of the school year. Such a move needs to be coordinated across the metro area and possibly even with New Jersey and Connecticut, according to the governor, who has a longstanding public feud with the mayor." This shows Governor Cuomo thought schools shouldn't be closed for too long. To sum up, these are the two opposing sides in the articles.

Edited by Penny Yagake

              There are many reasons to why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland. To begin with, Maryland started preserving these salamanders. The text states, "It’s a good lesson on being willing to preserve things that we don’t get to see every day … another reason to protect habitats.” This shows that preserving animals like the Eastern Tiger Salamander can help protect them and their habitats. Also, Eastern Tiger Salamander population grew more because it was rarely seen but now there are more. According to the text it states, "“A really rough population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders." To clarify, the Eastern Tiger Salamander grew the population. In conclusion, this is why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.

There are many reasons to why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.

*** Remove “to.” “Tiger Salamanders” does not need to be capitalized unless this is part of a title.

Edited sentence: There are many reasons why the Easter tiger salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.

To begin with, Maryland started preserving these salamanders.

*** Good

The text states, "It’s a good lesson on being willing to preserve things that we don’t get to see every day … another reason to protect habitats.”

*** Good.

This shows that preserving animals like the Eastern Tiger Salamander can help protect them and their habitats.

*** Good, but “Tiger Salamanders” does not need to be capitalized.

Edited sentence: This shows that preserving animals like the Eastern tiger salamander can help protect them and their habitats.

Also, Eastern Tiger Salamander population grew more because it was rarely seen but now there are more.

*** Add “the” before “Eastern.” “Tiger Salamanders” does not need to be capitalized. Change “it was” to “they were” since there is more than one salamander. Add “before” after “seen.”

Edited sentence: Also, the Eastern tiger salamander population grew more because they were rarely seen before but now more are seen.

According to the text it states, "“A really rough population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders."

*** Remove the extra quotation mark at the beginning of the quote.

Edited sentence: According to the text it states, “A really rough population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders.”

To clarify, the Eastern Tiger Salamander grew the population.

*** Move “population” after “salamander” and remove the second “the.”

Edited sentence: To clarify, the Easter tiger salamander population grew.

In conclusion, this is why the Eastern Tiger Salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.

*** Good, but “Tiger Salamanders” does not need to be capitalized.

Edited sentence: In conclusion, this is why the Easter tiger salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.

*** Watch out for extra punctuation, such as quotation marks. Note where capitalization is needed and where it is not.

Edited paragraph:

There are many reasons why the Easter tiger salamanders are reappearing in Maryland. To begin with, Maryland started preserving these salamanders. The text states, "It’s a good lesson on being willing to preserve things that we don’t get to see every day … another reason to protect habitats.” This shows that preserving animals like the Eastern tiger salamander can help protect them and their habitats. Also, the Eastern tiger salamander population grew more because they were rarely seen before but now more are seen. According to the text it states, “A really rough population estimate would be 1,000 to 2,000 individual tiger salamanders.” To clarify, the Easter tiger salamander population grew. In conclusion, this is why the Easter tiger salamanders are reappearing in Maryland.

Edited by Penny Yagake

             Super moons are different from the regular moons we see. To begin with, super moons are bigger than regular moons. The text states, "Super moons, which are usually about seven percent bigger." This shows super moons are bigger than regular moons. Also, regular moons are less bright than super moons. According to the text it states, "15 percent brighter than the average full moon." This explains that the super moons are 15 percent brighter than regular moons. In conclusion, this is how Super moons are different from regular moons.

Super moons are different from the regular moons we see.

*** Good.

To begin with, super moons are bigger than regular moons.

*** Good.

The text states, "Super moons, which are usually about seven percent bigger."

*** This sentence is incomplete because the word “which” suggests there is more to this sentence. You can make this a partial quote, as shown in the edited sentence below.

Edited sentence: The text states, super moons “are usually about seven percent bigger.”

This shows super moons are bigger than regular moons.

*** Good.

Also, regular moons are less bright than super moons.

*** Good.

According to the text it states, "15 percent brighter than the average full moon."

*** This sentence is incomplete because it does not state what is 15 percent brighter than the average full moon. Add “super moons are” before the quote.

Edited sentence: According to the text it states, super moons are “15 percent brighter than the average full moon.”

This explains that the super moons are 15 percent brighter than regular moons.

*** Good.

In conclusion, this is how Super moons are different from regular moons.

*** Good.

*** When incorporating quotes into a sentence, make sure that it still follows a good sentence structure. Watch out for incomplete sentences that contain fragments or missing words.

Edited paragraph:

Super moons are different from the regular moons we see. To begin with, super moons are bigger than regular moons. The text states, super moons “are usually about seven percent bigger.” This shows super moons are bigger than regular moons. Also, regular moons are less bright than super moons. According to the text it states, super moons are “15 percent brighter than the average full moon.” This explains that the super moons are 15 percent brighter than regular moons. In conclusion, this is how Super moons are different from regular moons.

Edited by Penny Yagake

           There are negative and positive reasons on practicing social distancing. To begin with, the good thing about social distancing is it can reduce the chance of spreading the coronavirus. The text states,"To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing." This means that social distancing can help preventing more cases with the coronavirus. On the other hand, social distancing doesn't work all the time because the virus is airborne too. According to the text it states,"Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing limits the chances of that." To enumerate, social distancing can still result to spread of the virus. To sum up, these are the positive and negative reasons about practicing social distancing.

         
There are negative and positive reasons on practicing social distancing.

*** Change “on” to “for.”

Edited sentence: There are negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing.

To begin with, the good thing about social distancing is it can reduce the chance of spreading the coronavirus.

*** Good.

The text states,"To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing."

*** Add a space after the first comma.

Edited sentence: The text states, “To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing."

This means that social distancing can help preventing more cases with the coronavirus.

*** Remove “ing” in “preventing.”

Edited sentence: This means that social distancing can help prevent more cases with the coronavirus.

On the other hand, social distancing doesn't work all the time because the virus is airborne too.

*** Good.

According to the text it states,"Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing limits the chances of that."

*** Add a space after the first comma.

Edited sentence: According to the text it states, “Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing limits the changes of that.”

To enumerate, social distancing can still result to spread of the virus.

*** “enumerate” does not seem to be the right word here since it relates to numbering. Replace “enumerate” with “elaborate” which means to explain something further. Replace “to” with “in the.”

Edited sentence: To elaborate, social distancing can still result in the spread of the virus.

To sum up, these are the positive and negative reasons about practicing social distancing.

*** Replace “about” with “for.”

Edited sentence: To sum up, these are the positive and negative reasons for practicing social distancing.

*** Remember to add a space before the first quotation mark at the beginning of a quote. Also check the word choices in these sentences. Note where words have been changed in the edits.

Edited paragraph:

There are negative and positive reasons for practicing social distancing. To begin with, the good thing about social distancing is it can reduce the chance of spreading the coronavirus. The text states, “To limit the spread of the coronavirus that causes COVID-19, health experts say people should practice social distancing." This means that social distancing can help prevent more cases with the coronavirus. On the other hand, social distancing doesn't work all the time because the virus is airborne too. According to the text it states, “Even standing six feet apart from one another, people can spread the virus through droplets from coughs and sneezes. Social distancing limits the changes of that.” To elaborate, social distancing can still result in the spread of the virus. To sum up, these are the positive and negative reasons for practicing social distancing.

Edited by Penny Yagake

            JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children. To begin with, the coronavirus pandemic caused people to use internet more often which made more people to create thing online. The text states,"The coronavirus pandemic has closed schools and workplaces and confined hundreds of millions of people around the world to their homes, leading to a surge in internet use and increased interest in a number of online tools." This shows JK Rowling made the new webpage for children so they can keep on continuing to read. Also, the webpage was made to enthrall everyone who is bored staying home. According to the text it states,""Harry Potter" author JK Rowling has launched an online Potter hub to keep children educated and entertained during the coronavirus pandemic." To clarify, JK Rowling made the webpage for kids to be entertained by the Harry Potter series. In conclusion, this is how JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children.

          
JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children.

*** Good.

To begin with, the coronavirus pandemic caused people to use internet more often which made more people to create thing online.

*** Add “the” before “internet.” Remove “to” before “create.” Avoid using the word “thing” — what is the thing?

Edited sentence: To begin with, the coronavirus pandemic caused people to use the internet more often which made more people create content online.

The text states,"The coronavirus pandemic has closed schools and workplaces and confined hundreds of millions of people around the world to their homes, leading to a surge in internet use and increased interest in a number of online tools."

*** Good.

This shows JK Rowling made the new webpage for children so they can keep on continuing to read.

*** Good.

Also, the webpage was made to enthrall everyone who is bored staying home.

*** Good.

According to the text it states,""Harry Potter" author JK Rowling has launched an online Potter hub to keep children educated and entertained during the coronavirus pandemic."

*** Harry Potter should have single quotations — ‘Harry Potter.’

Edited sentence: According to the text it states, “‘Harry Potter’ author JK Rowling has launched an online Potter hub to keep children educated and entertained during the coronavirus pandemic.”

To clarify, JK Rowling made the webpage for kids to be entertained by the Harry Potter series.

*** Good.

In conclusion, this is how JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children.

*** Good.

*** Avoid using the word “thing” — instead, try to describe what the thing is. When there is a quote inside another quote, the inside quote should have single quotation marks (‘).

Edited paragraph:

JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children. To begin with, the coronavirus pandemic caused people to use the internet more often which made more people create content online. The text states,"The coronavirus pandemic has closed schools and workplaces and confined hundreds of millions of people around the world to their homes, leading to a surge in internet use and increased interest in a number of online tools." This shows JK Rowling made the new webpage for children so they can keep on continuing to read. Also, the webpage was made to enthrall everyone who is bored staying home. According to the text it states, “‘Harry Potter’ author JK Rowling has launched an online Potter hub to keep children educated and entertained during the coronavirus pandemic.” To clarify, JK Rowling made the webpage for kids to be entertained by the Harry Potter series. In conclusion, this is how JK Rowling thinks her new webpage will help children.

Edited by Penny Yagake

             There are two ways that postponing the 2020 Olympics caused negative effects. To begin with, the athletes and the international sports community. The text states,"It also figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community — for federations and leagues that must now adapt their schedules, and for the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training to compete this summer." This shows the athletes that were going to compete for the Olympics had to postpone the competition and caused a lot of headaches and heartaches. Also, the people who were going to see or be in the Olympics thought it would be a sign of hope for this sickness. According to the text it states,"In an unprecedented and unavoidable move, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and Japanese government agreed to postpone the 2020 Summer Olympics "to a date beyond 2020 but not later than summer 2021" due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic.It is the first time in modern Olympic history that a global health issue has disrupted the Games."The leaders agreed that the Olympic Games in Tokyo could stand as a beacon of hope to the world during these troubled times," the IOC and Tokyo 2020 organizing committee said in a joint statement. "And that the Olympic flame could become the light at the end of the tunnel in which the world finds itself at present."" This means the Olympic torch was meant to be a beacon of hope for the coronavirus pandemic. In conclusion, these are the two ways postponing the 2020 Olympics caused negative effects.

There are two ways that postponing the 2020 Olympics caused negative effects.

*** Good.

To begin with, the athletes and the international sports community.

*** This sentence is incomplete.

The text states,"It also figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community — for federations and leagues that must now adapt their schedules, and for the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training to compete this summer."

*** Good.

This shows the athletes that were going to compete for the Olympics had to postpone the competition and caused a lot of headaches and heartaches.

*** This sounds like the athletes caused the headache and heartache. Add “this decision” before “caused.” The “s” after “headaches and heartaches” is not needed. Edited sentence: This shows the athletes that were going to compete for the Olympics had to postpone the competition and this decision caused a lot of headache and heartache.

Also, the people who were going to see or be in the Olympics thought it would be a sign of hope for this sickness.

*** Good.

According to the text it states,"In an unprecedented and unavoidable move, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and Japanese government agreed to postpone the 2020 Summer Olympics "to a date beyond 2020 but not later than summer 2021" due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic.

*** Remove the extra quotation mark in the middle of the quote.

Edited sentence: According to the text it states, “In an unprecedented and unavoidable move, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and Japanese government agreed to postpone the 2020 Summer Olympics to a date beyond 2020 but not later than summer 2021” due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic.

It is the first time in modern Olympic history that a global health issue has disrupted the Games.

*** Good.

"The leaders agreed that the Olympic Games in Tokyo could stand as a beacon of hope to the world during these troubled times," the IOC and Tokyo 2020 organizing committee said in a joint statement.

*** Good.

"And that the Olympic flame could become the light at the end of the tunnel in which the world finds itself at present.""

*** If the above sentence is meant to be combined with the previous sentence, the previous sentence should have a comma at the end instead of a period. Remove the extra quotation mark at the end of this sentence.

Edited sentence: “The leaders agreed that the Olympic Games in Tokyo could stand as a beacon of hope to the world during these troubled times,” the IOC and Tokyo 2020 organizing committee said in a joint statement, “and that the Olympic flame could become the light at the end of the tunnel in which the world finds itself at present.”

This means the Olympic torch was meant to be a beacon of hope for the coronavirus pandemic.

*** Good.

In conclusion, these are the two ways postponing the 2020 Olympics caused negative effects.

*** Good.

*** Watch out for incomplete sentences and extra quotation marks. Remember that the paragraph needs 7 sentences.

Edited paragraph:

There are two ways that postponing the 2020 Olympics caused negative effects. To begin with, the athletes and the international sports community. The text states,"It also figures to cause headaches and heartaches across the international sports community — for federations and leagues that must now adapt their schedules, and for the 11,000 athletes who had spent years training to compete this summer." This shows the athletes that were going to compete for the Olympics had to postpone the competition and this decision caused a lot of headache and heartache. Also, the people who were going to see or be in the Olympics thought it would be a sign of hope for this sickness. According to the text it states, “In an unprecedented and unavoidable move, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and Japanese government agreed to postpone the 2020 Summer Olympics to a date beyond 2020 but not later than summer 2021” due to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. It is the first time in modern Olympic history that a global health issue has disrupted the Games. "The leaders agreed that the Olympic Games in Tokyo could stand as a beacon of hope to the world during these troubled times," the IOC and Tokyo 2020 organizing committee said in a joint statement. “The leaders agreed that the Olympic Games in Tokyo could stand as a beacon of hope to the world during these troubled times,” the IOC and Tokyo 2020 organizing committee said in a joint statement, “and that the Olympic flame could become the light at the end of the tunnel in which the world finds itself at present.” This means the Olympic torch was meant to be a beacon of hope for the coronavirus pandemic. In conclusion, these are the two ways postponing the 2020 Olympics caused negative effects.

Edited by Penny Yagake

       There are two activities I think are most fun. To begin with, the Dungeons and Dragons game sounds fun because you can interact with your friends and play with them. The text states, "In the Dungeons & Dragons game, each player creates an adventurer (also called a character) and teams up with other adventurers (played by friends). Working together, the group might explore a dark dungeon, a ruined city, a haunted castle, a lost temple deep in a jungle, or a lava-filled cavern beneath a mysterious mountain. The adventurers can solve puzzles, talk with other characters, battle fantastic monsters, and discover fabulous magic items and other treasures." This shows you can interact with other players. Also, cooking and baking sounds fun to me because you can learn from family members for learning measurements and basic kitchen things. According to the text it states, "Enlist your kids as sous-chefs and you'll get some extra help in the kitchen while also teaching them practical skills such as following a recipe, measurements and kitchen safety." To clarify, learning how to cook can help on both your mathematical and safety skills. In conclusion, these are two activities I think are the most fun.                          

There are two activities I think are most fun.

*** This is good, but avoid using first person point of view (“I”) and use third person point of view instead. Third person point of view does not use “I,” and focuses on how this subject relates to the audience.

Edited sentence: There are two activities that are the most fun.

To begin with, the Dungeons and Dragons game sounds fun because you can interact with your friends and play with them.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view instead.

Edited sentence: To begin with, the Dungeons and Dragons game sounds fun because people can interact with their friends and play with them.

The text states, "In the Dungeons & Dragons game, each player creates an adventurer (also called a character) and teams up with other adventurers (played by friends). Working together, the group might explore a dark dungeon, a ruined city, a haunted castle, a lost temple deep in a jungle, or a lava-filled cavern beneath a mysterious mountain. The adventurers can solve puzzles, talk with other characters, battle fantastic monsters, and discover fabulous magic items and other treasures."

*** Good.

This shows you can interact with other players.

*** Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view instead.

Edited sentence: This shows a person can interact with other players.

Also, cooking and baking sounds fun to me because you can learn from family members for learning measurements and basic kitchen things.

*** Avoid using the word “things” and tell the reader exactly what it is instead. “sounds” does not need an “s” because the subject is plural — “cooking and baking” are two activities. Avoid first person point of view (“me”) and use third person point of view. I replaced “for learning” with “about” because “learn” does not have to be repeated twice.

Edited sentence: Also, cooking and baking sounds fun because people can learn from family members about measurements and basic kitchen knowledge.

According to the text it states, "Enlist your kids as sous-chefs and you'll get some extra help in the kitchen while also teaching them practical skills such as following a recipe, measurements and kitchen safety."

*** Good.

To clarify, learning how to cook can help on both your mathematical and safety skills.

*** “on” is not needed. Avoid second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view instead.

Edited sentence: To clarify, learning how to cook can help both a person’s mathematical and safety skills.

In conclusion, these are two activities I think are the most fun.

*** Again, avoid using first person point of view (“I”) and use third person point of view instead.

Edited sentence: In conclusion, these are two activities that are the most fun.

*** Remember to use third person point of view. Do not use first person point of view (I, me, my) or second person point of view (you).

Edited paragraph:

There are two activities that are the most fun. To begin with, the Dungeons and Dragons game sounds fun because people can interact with their friends and play with them. The text states, "In the Dungeons & Dragons game, each player creates an adventurer (also called a character) and teams up with other adventurers (played by friends). Working together, the group might explore a dark dungeon, a ruined city, a haunted castle, a lost temple deep in a jungle, or a lava-filled cavern beneath a mysterious mountain. The adventurers can solve puzzles, talk with other characters, battle fantastic monsters, and discover fabulous magic items and other treasures." This shows a person can interact with other players. Also, cooking and baking sound fun because people can learn from family members about measurements and basic kitchen knowledge. According to the text it states, "Enlist your kids as sous-chefs and you'll get some extra help in the kitchen while also teaching them practical skills such as following a recipe, measurements and kitchen safety." To clarify, learning how to cook can help both a person’s mathematical and safety skills. In conclusion, these are two activities that are the most fun.

Edited by Penny Yagake

              There are some ways people can learn best while studying online. To begin with, studying online can allow you to make your own schedule. The text states," Time and schedules are important for many things and studying well needs time and a schedule. Open your calendar and choose a predictable, reliable time that you can dedicate to watching lectures and completing assignments. This helps ensure that your courses won’t become the last thing on your to-do list. So, schedule time to study on your calendar." This shows studying online can allow you to make your own schedule so you can get comfortable and have no work left. Also, while studying online, if you make good progress, you can reward yourself. According to the text it states," And don’t forget to reward yourself when you make progress towards your goal!" This means if you study online you can reward yourself if you make good progress. In conclusion, these are some ways people learn best while studying online.

There are some ways people can learn best while studying online.

• • • Good.

To begin with, studying online can allow you to make your own schedule.

• • • This is good, but avoid using second person point of view (“you”) and use the third person point of view instead. In third person point of view, you name the person being discussed rather than use “you.”

Edited sentence: To begin with, studying online can allow students to make their own schedules.

The text states," Time and schedules are important for many things and studying well needs time and a schedule. Open your calendar and choose a predictable, reliable time that you can dedicate to watching lectures and completing assignments. This helps ensure that your courses won’t become the last thing on your to-do list. So, schedule time to study on your calendar."

• • • The space after the first quotation mark is not needed. Other than that, this is good.

This shows studying online can allow you to make your own schedule so you can get comfortable and have no work left.

• • • This is good, but avoid using second person point of view (“you”) and use the third person point of view instead.

Edited sentence: This shows studying online can allow students to make their own schedules so they can get comfortable and have no work left.

Also, while studying online, if you make good progress, you can reward yourself.

• • • This is good, but avoid using second person point of view (“you”) and use the third person point of view instead.

Edited sentence: Also, while studying online, if a student makes good progress, they can reward themselves.

According to the text it states," And don’t forget to reward yourself when you make progress towards your goal!"

• • • Again, the space after the first quotation mark is not needed. Other than that, this is good.

This means if you study online you can reward yourself if you make good progress.

• • • This is good, but avoid using second person point of view (“you”) and use the third person point of view instead.

Edited sentence: This means if a student studies online they can reward themselves if they make good progress.

In conclusion, these are some ways people learn best while studying online.

• • • Good.

• • • Remember to use third person point of view, not second person point of view. Remember that there should be a space before the first quotation mark in a quote, but not after. Other than that, this is a good paragraph.

Edited paragraph:

There are some ways people can learn best while studying online. To begin with, studying online can allow students to make their own schedules. The text states, "Time and schedules are important for many things and studying well needs time and a schedule. Open your calendar and choose a predictable, reliable time that you can dedicate to watching lectures and completing assignments. This helps ensure that your courses won’t become the last thing on your to-do list. So, schedule time to study on your calendar." This shows studying online can allow students to make their own schedules so they can get comfortable and have no work left. Also, while studying online, if a student makes good progress, they can reward themselves. According to the text it states, "And don’t forget to reward yourself when you make progress towards your goal!" This means if a student studies online they can reward themselves if they make good progress. In conclusion, these are some ways people learn best while studying online.

Original paragraph:

There are some ways people can learn best while studying online. To begin with, studying online can allow you to make your own schedule. The text states," Time and schedules are important for many things and studying well needs time and a schedule. Open your calendar and choose a predictable, reliable time that you can dedicate to watching lectures and completing assignments. This helps ensure that your courses won’t become the last thing on your to-do list. So, schedule time to study on your calendar." This shows studying online can allow you to make your own schedule so you can get comfortable and have no work left. Also, while studying online, if you make good progress, you can reward yourself. According to the text it states," And don’t forget to reward yourself when you make progress towards your goal!" This means if you study online you can reward yourself if you make good progress. In conclusion, these are some ways people learn best while studying online.

Edited by Penny Yagake

               There are many  ways to prevent infection from the COVID-19. To begin with, people can keep a good hygiene to stay clean and healthy. The text states,” Standard cleaning and hygiene practices will help schools…Students and staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds...Many schools that don’t have time to truck whole classrooms of students to the bathroom before every class are relying on alcohol-based hand-sanitizers. However, it is important to follow directions for these products; for example, some sanitizers require students to continue using them for up to 2 minutes in order to truly disinfect their skin.” This shows good hygiene can prevent you for getting the COVID-19. Also, if you use something else instead of your hand to touch things it can prevent it. According to the text it states,” As much as possible, adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces.” This explains why we shouldn’t touch our faces. In conclusion, these are ways how we can prevent infection from the COVID-19.

There are many ways to prevent infection from the COVID-19.

• • • “the” is not needed. There is also an extra space after “many.”

Edited sentence: There are many ways to prevent infection from COVID-19.

To begin with, people can keep a good hygiene to stay clean and healthy.

• • • “a” is not needed.

Edited sentence: To begin with, people can keep good hygiene to stay clean and healthy.

The text states,” Standard cleaning and hygiene practices will help schools…Students and staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds...Many schools that don’t have time to truck whole classrooms of students to the bathroom before every class are relying on alcohol-based hand-sanitizers. However, it is important to follow directions for these products; for example, some sanitizers require students to continue using them for up to 2 minutes in order to truly disinfect their skin.”

• • • At the beginning of a quote, there should be a space before the quotation marks (“), not after. There should be a space after an ellipsis (...).

Edited sentence: The text states, “Standard cleaning and hygiene practices will help schools… Students and staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds… Many schools that don’t have time to truck whole classrooms of students to the bathroom before every class are relying on alcohol-based hand-sanitizers. However, it is important to follow directions for these products; for example, some sanitizers require students to continue using them for up to 2 minutes in order to truly disinfect their skin.”

This shows good hygiene can prevent you for getting the COVID-19.

• • • Avoid using second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view. “for” should be replaced with “from.” Again, “the” is not needed before “COVID-19.”

Edited sentence: This shows good hygiene can prevent people from getting COVID-19.

Also, if you use something else instead of your hand to touch things it can prevent it.

• • • What is “something else” and “things”? Using “it” twice in this sentence can be confusing because the first “it” refers to “something else” while the second “it” refers to the virus. Avoid using second person point of view (“you”) and use third person point of view.

Edited sentence: Also, if people use something else instead of their hands to touch things, it can prevent COVID-19.

According to the text it states,” As much as possible, adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces.”

• • • At the beginning of a quote, there should be a space before the quotation marks (“), not after.

Edited sentence: According to the text it states, “As much as possible, adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces.”

This explains why we shouldn’t touch our faces.

• • • Avoid using first person point of view (“we” and “our”) and use third person point of view.

Edited sentence: This explains why people shouldn’t touch their faces.

In conclusion, these are ways how we can prevent infection from the COVID-19.

• • • “how” and “the” are not needed. Avoid using first person point of view (“we”) and use third person point of view.

Edited sentence: In conclusion, these are ways people can prevent infection from COVID-19.

• • • Remember to use third person point of view, not first person (I, we, our) or second person (you). Instead of using the word “thing,” try to write more specifically and use the name of the “thing.” At the beginning of a quote, put a space before the quotation marks (“), not after.

Edited paragraph:

There are many ways to prevent infection from COVID-19. To begin with, people can keep good hygiene to stay clean and healthy. The text states, “Standard cleaning and hygiene practices will help schools… Students and staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds… Many schools that don’t have time to truck whole classrooms of students to the bathroom before every class are relying on alcohol-based hand-sanitizers. However, it is important to follow directions for these products; for example, some sanitizers require students to continue using them for up to 2 minutes in order to truly disinfect their skin.” This shows good hygiene can prevent people from getting COVID-19. Also, if people use something else instead of their hands to touch things, it can prevent COVID-19. According to the text it states, “As much as possible, adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces.” This explains why people shouldn’t touch their faces. In conclusion, these are ways people can prevent infection from COVID-19.

Original paragraph:

There are many ways to prevent infection from the COVID-19. To begin with, people can keep a good hygiene to stay clean and healthy. The text states,” Standard cleaning and hygiene practices will help schools…Students and staff alike should wash with soap and water for at least 20 seconds...Many schools that don’t have time to truck whole classrooms of students to the bathroom before every class are relying on alcohol-based hand-sanitizers. However, it is important to follow directions for these products; for example, some sanitizers require students to continue using them for up to 2 minutes in order to truly disinfect their skin.” This shows good hygiene can prevent you for getting the COVID-19. Also, if you use something else instead of your hand to touch things it can prevent it. According to the text it states,” As much as possible, adults and children alike should practice to avoid touching their faces.” This explains why we shouldn’t touch our faces. In conclusion, these are ways how we can prevent infection from the COVID-19.

Edited by Penny Yagake