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| − | | + | All people who enter the program can not be an astronauts because the people might not be strong enough to be accepted. According to the text" there are many challenging parts and people must successfully complete them all." This shows how all people who enter the program aren't allowed to be astronauts. |
| − | This is main reason why birds are migrating south. The birds are migrating south because during the spring the males have on their beautiful plumage to attract mates. According to the text,''the birds are anxious to reach their breeding grounds and begin mating.'' This is what the main reason that the birds are migrating south.
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| − | This is main reason why birds are migrating south. The birds are migrating south because during the spring the males have on their beautiful plumage to attract mates.
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| − | ***Edited for fluidity: Birds are migrating south because males have beautiful plumage to attract mates in the spring.
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| − | ***The first sentence is unnecessary and repetitive. No need for definite article "the" before "birds." Also, your sentence isn't very clear-- it doesn't explain what migrating south has to do with their plumage and mating.
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| − | <br>According to the text,''the birds are anxious to reach their breeding grounds and begin mating.''
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| − | ***Edited for spacing and capitalization: According to the text, "The birds are anxious to reach their breeding grounds and begin mating."
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| − | ***Space between the comma and first quotation mark. Capitalize the first word of the quote.
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| − | <br>This is what the main reason that the birds are migrating south.
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| − | ***Edited for fluidity: This is the main reason that birds are migrating south.
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| − | ***No need for "this is what" in the beginning (be more direct). Unless you're talking about a specific type of birds, no need for "the" before "birds."
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| − | '''Final Edited Version:''' | |
| − | Birds are migrating south because males have beautiful plumage to attract mates in the spring. According to the text, "The birds are anxious to reach their breeding grounds and begin mating." This is the main reason that birds are migrating south.
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| − | ***Please write more in the future. Also, I want to see you explain the reason in your own words, not just using the quote. Word on your quotation format and avoid repetitive sentences.
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| − | Edited by Ashley Leung
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Revision as of 15:26, 15 April 2020
Pala's Writing Page
All people who enter the program can not be an astronauts because the people might not be strong enough to be accepted. According to the text" there are many challenging parts and people must successfully complete them all." This shows how all people who enter the program aren't allowed to be astronauts.
