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| − | The Requirements of becoming an astronaut is That NASA wants you to have a masters degree in college and you need to Have experience flying Jet airplanes. I know this because in the text it states” now it requires a master’s degree and you need experience of flying jet plane”. Another requirement to become an astronaut is you need to have keen eyesight which is very important because if you don’t have a keen eyesight you then you can’t report what you see in space so People won’t get the knowledge to become a better astronaut. I know this because in the text it also states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very good fit body. These are the new requirements to becoming an | + | The Requirements of becoming an astronaut is That NASA wants you to have a masters degree in college and you need to Have experience flying Jet airplanes. I know this because in the text it states” now it requires a master’s degree and you need experience of flying jet plane”. Another requirement to become an astronaut is you need to have keen eyesight which is very important because if you don’t have a keen eyesight you then you can’t report what you see in space so People won’t get the knowledge to become a better astronaut. I know this because in the text it also states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very good fit body. These are the new requirements to becoming an astronaut. |
| − | astronaut. | + | |
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| + | The Requirements of becoming an astronaut is That NASA wants you to have a masters degree in college and you need to Have experience flying Jet airplanes. | ||
| + | ***Edited for capitalization and fluidity: The requirements of becoming an astronaut for NASA are a master's degree and experience flying jet airplanes. | ||
| + | ***No need for capitalization of "requirements," "have," and "jet." Since you're talking about requirements set by NASA, you should clarify that this is for astronauts for NASA (since astronauts of other countries might have different requirements). No need to write "That NASA wants you to have," just directly say "the requirements are..." Since you're listing the requirements, no need to add "and you need to have..." (just connect it with "and"). "Master's degree" has an apostrophe "s." | ||
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| + | <br>I know this because in the text it states” now it requires a master’s degree and you need experience of flying jet plane”. | ||
| + | ***Edited for punctuation (quotation mark, comma, period): I know this because the text states, "Now it requires a master's degree and you need experience of flying jet plane." | ||
| + | ***Comma and space before the first quotation mark. Period inside the quotation mark (before it). Instead of "in the text it states," write "the text states" to make it more concise. | ||
| + | |||
| + | <br>Another requirement to become an astronaut is you need to have keen eyesight which is very important because if you don’t have a keen eyesight you then you can’t report what you see in space so People won’t get the knowledge to become a better astronaut. | ||
| + | ***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), capitalization, fluidity: Another requirement to become an astronaut is keen eyesight, which is important for observing and reporting what you see in space. | ||
| + | ***No need for "you need to have" (too wordy). Comma before "which." You don't need the "so people won't get the knowledge to become a better astronaut" because it makes this a run-on sentence and the information isn't necessary. Add in "observing and reporting" to clarify the function of eyesight. | ||
| + | |||
| + | <br>I know this because in the text it also states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very good fit body. | ||
| + | ***Edited for fluidity: I know this because the text states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very fit body. | ||
| + | ***"In the text it also states" → "the text states" (less wordy). "Very good fit body" → "A very fit body" (the meaning is the same, you don't need "good"). | ||
| + | |||
| + | <br>These are the new requirements to becoming an astronaut. | ||
| + | ***Edited for grammar: These are the new requirements to become an astronaut. | ||
| + | ***Only use -ing when you have "for" in front of the verb. When you use "to," don't use "-ing." | ||
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| + | |||
| + | '''Final Edited Version:''' | ||
| + | The requirements of becoming an astronaut for NASA are a master's degree and experience flying jet airplanes. I know this because the text states, "Now it requires a master's degree and you need experience of flying jet plane." Another requirement to become an astronaut is keen eyesight, which is important for observing and reporting what you see in space. I know this because the text states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very fit body. These are the new requirements to become an astronaut. | ||
| + | |||
| + | ***Please work on your capitalization, quotation marks, and change up the format of your sentences (don't need to stiffly follow a "the text states..." structure"). | ||
| + | |||
| + | Edited by Ashley Leung | ||
Revision as of 06:42, 15 April 2020
The Requirements of becoming an astronaut is That NASA wants you to have a masters degree in college and you need to Have experience flying Jet airplanes. I know this because in the text it states” now it requires a master’s degree and you need experience of flying jet plane”. Another requirement to become an astronaut is you need to have keen eyesight which is very important because if you don’t have a keen eyesight you then you can’t report what you see in space so People won’t get the knowledge to become a better astronaut. I know this because in the text it also states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very good fit body. These are the new requirements to becoming an astronaut.
The Requirements of becoming an astronaut is That NASA wants you to have a masters degree in college and you need to Have experience flying Jet airplanes.
- Edited for capitalization and fluidity: The requirements of becoming an astronaut for NASA are a master's degree and experience flying jet airplanes.
- No need for capitalization of "requirements," "have," and "jet." Since you're talking about requirements set by NASA, you should clarify that this is for astronauts for NASA (since astronauts of other countries might have different requirements). No need to write "That NASA wants you to have," just directly say "the requirements are..." Since you're listing the requirements, no need to add "and you need to have..." (just connect it with "and"). "Master's degree" has an apostrophe "s."
I know this because in the text it states” now it requires a master’s degree and you need experience of flying jet plane”.
- Edited for punctuation (quotation mark, comma, period): I know this because the text states, "Now it requires a master's degree and you need experience of flying jet plane."
- Comma and space before the first quotation mark. Period inside the quotation mark (before it). Instead of "in the text it states," write "the text states" to make it more concise.
Another requirement to become an astronaut is you need to have keen eyesight which is very important because if you don’t have a keen eyesight you then you can’t report what you see in space so People won’t get the knowledge to become a better astronaut.
- Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), capitalization, fluidity: Another requirement to become an astronaut is keen eyesight, which is important for observing and reporting what you see in space.
- No need for "you need to have" (too wordy). Comma before "which." You don't need the "so people won't get the knowledge to become a better astronaut" because it makes this a run-on sentence and the information isn't necessary. Add in "observing and reporting" to clarify the function of eyesight.
I know this because in the text it also states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very good fit body.
- Edited for fluidity: I know this because the text states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very fit body.
- "In the text it also states" → "the text states" (less wordy). "Very good fit body" → "A very fit body" (the meaning is the same, you don't need "good").
These are the new requirements to becoming an astronaut.
- Edited for grammar: These are the new requirements to become an astronaut.
- Only use -ing when you have "for" in front of the verb. When you use "to," don't use "-ing."
Final Edited Version:
The requirements of becoming an astronaut for NASA are a master's degree and experience flying jet airplanes. I know this because the text states, "Now it requires a master's degree and you need experience of flying jet plane." Another requirement to become an astronaut is keen eyesight, which is important for observing and reporting what you see in space. I know this because the text states that you need near perfect eyesight and a very fit body. These are the new requirements to become an astronaut.
- Please work on your capitalization, quotation marks, and change up the format of your sentences (don't need to stiffly follow a "the text states..." structure").
Edited by Ashley Leung
