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The difference between the mayor and the governor is they both have different opinion the mayor wanted the schools to close for the academic year. The governor wanted to still have remote learning. They both had different opinion. They were disagreeing in each others opinion. School Is important to kids and their education. | The difference between the mayor and the governor is they both have different opinion the mayor wanted the schools to close for the academic year. The governor wanted to still have remote learning. They both had different opinion. They were disagreeing in each others opinion. School Is important to kids and their education. | ||
| − | ''Corrections:'' | + | '''Corrections:''' |
The difference between Mayor Bill de Blasio and Gov. Andrew Cuomo is that they both have different opinions. The mayor wants the schools to close for the rest of the academic year. | The difference between Mayor Bill de Blasio and Gov. Andrew Cuomo is that they both have different opinions. The mayor wants the schools to close for the rest of the academic year. | ||
Revision as of 02:55, 15 April 2020
April 13,2020
The difference between he mayor and the governor is they both have different opinion the mayor wanted the schools to close for the academic year. The governor wanted to still have remote learning. They both had different opinion. They were disagreeing in each others opinion. School Is important to kids and their education.
Original Version:
The difference between the mayor and the governor is they both have different opinion the mayor wanted the schools to close for the academic year. The governor wanted to still have remote learning. They both had different opinion. They were disagreeing in each others opinion. School Is important to kids and their education.
Corrections:
The difference between Mayor Bill de Blasio and Gov. Andrew Cuomo is that they both have different opinions. The mayor wants the schools to close for the rest of the academic year.
- Great start! I included the names of the two people to clarify to the reader who you are talking about. I also broke up the sentence into two, as I thought they were two separate thoughts. The edited sentence above also contains a few words changed so it is written in the present tense.
The governor disagrees, as students will have to learn remotely.
- The article states that the governor does not want kids to learn remotely, as it poses many challenges for students. He would rather the schools stay open. To reflect this, I reworded the sentence slightly.
They both have different opinions.
- I changed “had” to “have” as they both currently have different opinions. Also, I deleted the sentence that follows this one, as it sounded repetitive. Before you move onto the conclusion, you should cite evidence by using a quote, in order to back up your statements about their different opinions.
In conclusion, schools and the education of children are important, even during the outbreak of COVID 19.
- To follow the “RACE” format, you need to explain the evidence by using phrases like “in conclusion” or “therefore.” I liked the idea of your conclusion, but it didn’t explain how it connects to your evidence. So, I reworded the conclusion to provide the reader with more clarity.
Great work! Remember to back up your answers with evidence, and to conclude your paragraph by explaining your evidence in the last sentence.
Final Version:
The difference between Mayor Bill de Blasio and Gov. Andrew Cuomo is that they both have different opinions. The mayor wants the schools to close for the rest of the academic year. The governor disagrees, as students will have to learn remotely. They both have different opinions. In conclusion, schools and the education of children are important, even during the outbreak of COVID 19.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
The birds are migrating south for many reasons. According to the text" birds are anxious to breeding grounds to begin mating." Also according to the text "in spring males have on their plumage to attract mates. These are the reasons why the birds are migrating south and my text evidence to prove my details. birds are usually are migrating a lot in my opinion because different birds are moving different directions in different times this is my reasons why birds move south and my opinion on that.
Thx for editing it!
Original Version:
The birds are migrating south for many reasons. According to the text" birds are anxious to breeding grounds to begin mating." Also according to the text "in spring males have on their plumage to attract mates. These are the reasons why the birds are migrating south and my text evidence to prove my details. birds are usually are migrating a lot in my opinion because different birds are moving different directions in different times this is my reasons why birds move south and my opinion on that.
Corrections:
Birds are migrating south for many reasons.
- Good! I just eliminated the definite article "the," as you are not talking about a specific type of bird.
According to the text, "birds are anxious to reach their breeding grounds and begin mating."
- Make sure when you use the same words as the text when you are using a direct quote. I added words to complete the quotation. If this was meant to be paraphrased, then exact words are not necessary, but make sure the sentence makes sense if you decide to reword the sentence. Also, make sure to use quotation marks at the beginning and end of the quote.
Also, the text states that "during the spring, the males have on their beautiful plumage to attract mates.”
- This sentence was edited for the same reasons as the previous sentence. I also reworded the beginning, as you used “according to” before. Using a different word will give your paragraph more variation.
The evidence shows why the birds are migrating south. Birds are usually migrating a lot because different birds move in different directions and times.
- Both of these sentences were a bit repetitive, so I reworded them to improve the grammar and make the conclusion more effective.
Great work! Make sure to integrate quotations correctly, and to use a variety of word choice.
Final Version: Birds are migrating south for many reasons. According to the text, "birds are anxious to reach their breeding grounds and begin mating." Also, the text states that "during the spring, the males have on their beautiful plumage to attract mates.” The evidence shows why the birds are migrating south. Birds are usually migrating a lot because different birds move in different directions and times.
Edited by Hayley Taylor
