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| − | JK Rowling thinks her website will help children because in a time like this kids can’t go outside to get books and read Harry Potter so JK Rowling made a website for children so they couldn’t be bored and get infected. Another reason, JK Rowling thinks her website will help children from being bored and infected is Instead of reading books normally she teamed up with Audible and made her books audiobooks. I know this because in the text it states“ Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" has been added to Audible's library of free books as part of its partnership with the platform, making it immediately available in several different languages for free”. The final reason is she wants kids to learn even if we’re on lockdown I know this because in the text it states” Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we're on lockdown might need a bit of magic," Rowling said as she announced the launch”. This is why JK Rowling thinks her website will help children in many ways.
| + | Tiger salamanders our reappearing in Maryland because female Tiger salamanders need fishless freshwater ponds that have a lot of sun light for there eggs. I know this because in the text it states“female Tiger salamanders need fishless freshwater ponds that have a lot of sunlight for their eggs. Too shallow, they dry out; too deep, and sun won’t get to the egg masses.” Another reason Tiger salamanders came back to Maryland is because in the text it also states” several seasonal wetland areas on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders”. This is why the Tiger salamanders came back to Maryland. |
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| − | JK Rowling thinks her website will help children because in a time like this kids can’t go outside to get books and read Harry Potter so JK Rowling made a website for children so they couldn’t be bored and get infected.
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| − | ***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence), fluidity, and spelling: J.K. Rowling believes her website will alleviate children's boredom and risk of going outside and being infected with the COVID-19.
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| − | ***"J.K." is the proper way to spell her initials (use periods). This sentence is a run-on sentence and isn't very clear. You can be more concise and simply say that her website will help children who are bored because they currently can't go outside. It's also inaccurate the connect "be bored and get infected" since you don't get infected because you are bored. Clarify that children are less likely to be infected because they won't be bored and ''want to go outside''.
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| − | <br>Another reason, JK Rowling thinks her website will help children from being bored and infected is Instead of reading books normally she teamed up with Audible and made her books audiobooks.
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| − | ***Edited for punctuation (comma placement and usage), fluidity, clarity, vocabulary, and spelling: To provide further access to her books, J.K. Rowling collaborated with Audible and turned her books into audiobooks.
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| − | ***Again, write "JK" as "J.K." You don't need the first half because it's repetitive and unnecessary. The logic should follow like this: she changed the books into audiobooks → makes the books more accessible (people can listen to it anytime) → helps with their boredom. The "Instead of reading books normally" is wrongly capitalized and unnecessary. A better word for "teamed up" is "collaborated." It sounds more professional. A better word for "made" is "turned."
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| − | <br> I know this because in the text it states“ Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" has been added to Audible's library of free books as part of its partnership with the platform, making it immediately available in several different languages for free”.
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| − | ***Edited for punctuation (quotation mark and period placement), title format, and fluidity: The text states, "''Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone'' has been added to Audible's library of free books as part of its partnership with the platform, making it immediately available in several different languages for free."
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| − | ***You can just directly write "the text states." Avoid using first person "I" in a news text. When writing about book/novel titles, you can either italicize them or underline them. Don't use quotation marks for books (only for articles, poems, etc...). There should be a comma right before a quotation mark, and always attach the quotation mark to the first word being cited → ..., "Harry Potter..." At the end of the quote, the period should go ''inside'' the quotation mark.
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| − | <br>The final reason is she wants kids to learn even if we’re on lockdown
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| − | ***Edited for grammar (run-on sentence) and clarity: She also wants children to learn even as we're on lockdown.
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| − | ***You can make this a complete sentence. It is unclear what "the final reason" means (reason for what? Releasing audiobooks?). Replace "kids" with "children" to seem more professional. Since we are ''already'' on lockdown, you would use "as" instead of "if."
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| − | <br>I know this because in the text it states” Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we're on lockdown might need a bit of magic," Rowling said as she announced the launch”.
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| − | ***Edited for punctuation (quotation mark placement) and fluidity: Rowling said as she announced the launch, "Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we're on lockdown might need a bit of magic."
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| − | ***Once again, you don't need to insert yourself into the paragraph → delete "I know this because..." Be mindful of your quotation mark and period placement (I've noted this previously). To be more clear, you should start with "Rowling said..." and then follow with her quote. You don't need to say "the text states" since it is Rowling's words.
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| − | <br>This is why JK Rowling thinks her website will help children in many ways.
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| − | ***Edited for spelling: This is why J.K. Rowling thinks her website will help children in many ways.
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| − | ***"JK" → "J.K."
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| − | '''Final Edited Version:'''
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| − | J.K. Rowling believes her website will alleviate children's boredom and risk of going outside and being infected with the COVID-19. To provide further access to her books, J.K. Rowling collaborated with Audible and turned her books into audiobooks. The text states, "''Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone'' has been added to Audible's library of free books as part of its partnership with the platform, making it immediately available in several different languages for free." She also wants children to learn even as we're on lockdown. Rowling said as she announced the launch, "Parents, teachers, and carers working to keep children amused and interested while we're on lockdown might need a bit of magic." This is why J.K. Rowling thinks her website will help children in many ways.
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| − | ***Please work on punctuation like quotation mark and period placement. Avoid run-on sentences. In the future, please minimize the amount of quotation because you want most of your paragraph to be in your
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Tiger salamanders our reappearing in Maryland because female Tiger salamanders need fishless freshwater ponds that have a lot of sun light for there eggs. I know this because in the text it states“female Tiger salamanders need fishless freshwater ponds that have a lot of sunlight for their eggs. Too shallow, they dry out; too deep, and sun won’t get to the egg masses.” Another reason Tiger salamanders came back to Maryland is because in the text it also states” several seasonal wetland areas on Maryland’s Eastern Shore, where extensive vegetation management over the past decade helped restore natural breeding habitats of these salamanders”. This is why the Tiger salamanders came back to Maryland.
