The World for Freedom

Revision as of 05:53, 2 April 2020

Kabe's Writing Page

The reason for why the 2020 Summer Olympic Games will be postponed in Japan is because of the COVID-19. The COVID-19 is the corona virus. The text states, "They join a long list of major sporting events put off or canceled due to the risks from COVID-19. This detail tells me why the 2020 Olympic Games will be postponed.

The reason for why the 2020 Summer Olympic Games will be postponed in Japan is because of the COVID-19.

• • • Edited for clarity and fluidity (concision): The 2020 Summer Olympics in Japan will be postponed because of the COVID-19.
    • To be more concise, you can take out "the reason for why..." It is unnecessary wording. Also, "2020 Summer Olympics" is an event itself, so you don't need to add "games" to it. It would sound clearer if you switch the position of "in Japan" to right after "Olympics" since that describes the event.

The COVID-19 is the corona virus.

• • • Edited for accuracy of information and spelling: The COVID-19 is a new type of coronavirus.
    • "Coronavirus" (spelled together) is a large group of viruses. COVID-19 is one type of this virus. This is why people specify "COVID-19" when talking about the current virus. "Coronavirus" is a larger umbrella term.

The text states, "They join a long list of major sporting events put off or canceled due to the risks from COVID-19.

• • • Good!

This detail tells me why the 2020 Olympic Games will be postponed.

• • • Edited for fluidity and spelling: This clarifies why the 2020 Summer Olympics will be postponed.
    • A better word to use is "clarify." Try not to use first person "me" when writing news articles as it sounds more personal and less credible. Also, the correct name would be "2020 Summer Olympics."

Final Edited Version: The 2020 Summer Olympics in Japan will be postponed because of the COVID-19. The COVID-19 is a new type of coronavirus. The text states, "They join a long list of major sporting events put off or canceled due to the risks from COVID-19." This clarifies why the 2020 Summer Olympics will be postponed.

• • • Great job! I suggest you research a bit more about COVID-19, and make sure your names/events are spelled accurately. Please also write a few more sentences in the future to at least have 6-7 sentences per paragraph.

The two activities that seem the most fun are mad lips and indoor snowballs. These two seem the most fun because when the text stated in Mad Lips, "Mad lips are a hilarious way for kids to brush up on their parts of speech." I think mad lips would seem most fun because I like hilarious things like what the text evidence said. The text stated in Indoor Snowballs, " An indoor snowball fight is a fun way to burn off some energy as a family, while also ensuring that no one gets hurt and nothing in the house gets damaged." I think indoor snowballs would also seem most fun because safe fun can be really fun and I like really fun.

The two activities that seem the most fun are mad lips and indoor snowballs.

• • • Edited for capitalization and spelling: Two activities that seem the most fun are Mad Libs and indoor snowball fights.
    • I think you're referring to the game "Mad Libs" here. Since Mad Libs is a trademark game, you would capitalize the name. Also, write "indoor snowball fights" to clarify the activity. You don't need "the" in the beginning.

These two seem the most fun because when the text stated in Mad Lips, "Mad lips are a hilarious way for kids to brush up on their parts of speech."

• • • Edited for spelling, fluidity, clarity: A text about Mad Libs states, "Mad Libs are a hilarious way for kids to brush up on their parts of speech."
    • Since you only refer to Mad Libs in this sentence, you don't need to write "these two seem the most fun" (you don't talk about the other activity). Also, to avoid sounding repetitive, you can directly begin the sentence with "the text in Mad Libs states..." When you quote something, you use the present tense (stated → states). Again, it's spelled Mad Libs. I'm assuming that you're reading a text about Mad Libs (not in Mad Libs).

I think mad lips would seem most fun because I like hilarious things like what the text evidence said.

• • • Edited for spelling, fluidity: I think Mad Libs seems very fun because I like looking at hilarious things.
    • Instead of saying the game is "most fun," you can just say it seems "very fun" because you don't want to say that Mad Libs is most fun and then say that indoor snowball fights are most fun as well. You can take out the "what the text evidence said" part at the end. It's unnecessary. To be more precise, you can say that you like "looking" at hilarious things (since Mad Libs is about reading funny things).

The text stated in Indoor Snowballs, " An indoor snowball fight is a fun way to burn off some energy as a family, while also ensuring that no one gets hurt and nothing in the house gets damaged."

• • • Edited for clarity, capitalization: A text about indoor snowball fight states, "An indoor snowball fight is a fun way to burn off some energy as a family, while also ensuring that no one gets hurt and nothing in the house gets damaged."
    • Unless this game is a brand name, you should leave it as lowercase. The text is talking "about" the game. Use present tense before quoting something (stated → states).

I think indoor snowballs would also seem most fun because safe fun can be really fun and I like really fun.

• • • Edited for clarity and grammar (run-on sentence): I think indoor snowball fights would be a good activity because I like having fun in a safe way.
    • This sentence is a bit repetitive (too many uses of "fun" in one sentence). You can change up the adjectives. You don't have to say the game is the "most fun" -- just say that it is a "good activity." Since the main point of indoor snowball fights is its safeness, you should include that in explaining why it is a good activity to do.

Final Edited Version: Two activities that seem the most fun are Mad Libs and indoor snowball fights. A text about Mad Libs states, "Mad Libs are a hilarious way for kids to brush up on their parts of speech." I think Mad Libs seems very fun because I like looking at hilarious things. A text about indoor snowball fights states, "An indoor snowball fight is a fun way to burn off some energy as a family, while also ensuring that no one gets hurt and nothing in the house gets damaged." I think indoor snowball fights would be a good activity because I like having fun in a safe way.

• • • In the future, try to not use too much quotation as part of your paragraph (since you want most of the paragraph to be in your own words). You can try to incorporate diverse adjectives and structures in your sentences to sound more interesting (less repetitive). Also please cite the source/website that you quoted from! Work on forming concise, clear sentences and avoiding run-on sentences.

Edited by Ashley Leung