Line 1: Line 1:
−
'''Original Article:'''
 
−
 
−
Bubba Smith was a football star and famous actor that had died in 2011 because of repeated head trauma. Not only that, he also had C.T.E.  C.T.E(chronic traumatic encephalopathy) is a disease of the brain with constant brain trauma. For example, you can get repetitive concussions from this. Smith is one of the many N.F.L players who has/had C.T.E. C.T.E is still a disease that has some unknown details scientists can't figure out yet. Bubba Smith’s concussions were grave enough to kill him. Football is a very dangerous sport
 
−
 
−
'''My Edits'''
 
−
 
−
***Be sure to add a catchy title! Something like: The Concussions of Late Football Star Bubba Smith
 
−
 
−
Bubba Smith was a football star and famous actor that had died in 2011 because of repeated head trauma. 
 
−
***Good start. I would add commas here and take out "was" and "that" in order to make this sound like less of a run-on sentence. I also changed "because of" to "due to" because it sounds a bit more sophisticated, and added the bit about health complications since you go into a bit of detail about C.T.E. in the following sentences; Bubba Smith, a football star and famous actor, died in 2001 due to repeated head trauma and other health complications.
 
−
 
−
Not only that, he also had C.T.E.  C.T.E(chronic traumatic encephalopathy) is a disease of the brain with constant brain trauma. 
 
−
***Let's combine this sentence with the following one so that the structure follows GTK's sentence format. I also reworded the now-combined sentence for fluidity; In addition to head trauma, Smith also suffered from C.T.E., chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a brain disease that can cause repetitive concussions.
 
−
 
−
For example, you can get repetitive concussions from this.
 
−
***You can take this sentence out since we've combined it with the previous one.
 
−
 
−
Smith is one of the many N.F.L players who has/had C.T.E.
 
−
***I would add the word "just" before "one" in order to emphasize that many NFL players suffer from this condition. We can also change "has/had" to "suffer from" to sound more technical. I am also changing "is" to "was," since he has passed. You can also take the periods out of NFL; Smith is just one of the many NFL players who suffer from C.T.E.
 
−
 
−
C.T.E is still a disease that has some unknown details scientists can't figure out yet.
 
−
***Reworded for fluidity...Also, saying the scientists "still have much research to conduct sounds a bit more promising than "they can't figure it out." Nice work incorporating this important fact; We have very few details about C.T.E. as scientists still have much research to conduct on it.
 
−
 
−
Bubba Smith’s concussions were grave enough to kill him.
 
−
***This is a good spot to include a transition so that the last sentence flows more smoothly into this one; We do know, however, that Bubba Smith’s concussions were grave enough to kill him.
 
−
 
−
Football is a very dangerous sport
 
−
***As a conclusive sentence, it should sum up the major points you touched on in the article. This is a great start, but we can still add on it a bit more; Football is a very dangerous sport, especially when combined with preexisting conditions such as C.T.E.
 
−
 
−
***Great job overall paying attention to grammar and spelling. Keep it up!
 
−
 
−
'''Fully-Edited Article Ready for Publishing'''
 
  
 
The Concussions of Late Football Star Bubba Smith
 
The Concussions of Late Football Star Bubba Smith
Line 42: Line 10:
  
  
−
 
+
New Person of The Year For 2019
  
 
Climate activist, Greta Thunberg, has won Time’s person of the year of 2019.  Only 16 years old, she has gotten many awards before and is popular for her motivational speeches.  Greta Thunberg has inspired many people of all ages and is very proud of her work.  She takes a lot of action about climate change by spreading awareness to her audience.  She makes her speeches and talks inspirational and with emotion to move the listener.  Greta Thunberg travels worldwide and uses her time to let people know and share her ideas.
 
Climate activist, Greta Thunberg, has won Time’s person of the year of 2019.  Only 16 years old, she has gotten many awards before and is popular for her motivational speeches.  Greta Thunberg has inspired many people of all ages and is very proud of her work.  She takes a lot of action about climate change by spreading awareness to her audience.  She makes her speeches and talks inspirational and with emotion to move the listener.  Greta Thunberg travels worldwide and uses her time to let people know and share her ideas.
Line 55: Line 23:
  
  
 +
A Struggling Relationship.
  
−
 
+
The US military and Iraq are currently in an aggressive relationship.  After the US sent an attack drone and killed Iranian General, Qassem Soleimani, Iraq immediately took that as a threat and wanted to battle.  Iraq officials, however, called the US strike that killed the important figure, an unacceptable breach of Iraqi sovereignty.  Both forces have been sending violent weapons to each others country and harms people in their too.  Iraq and the United States have not settled down yet.
−
The U.S. military and Iraq are currently in an aggressive relationship.  After the U.S. sent an attack drone and killed Iranian General, Qassem Soleimani, Iraq immediately took that as a threat and wanted to battle.  Iraq officials, however, called the U.S. strike that killed the important figure, an unacceptable breach of Iraqi sovereignty.  Both forces have been sending violent weapons to each others country and harms people in there too.  Iraq and the United States have not settled down yet.
 
 
1/14/20 https://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2020/01/15/us/politics/ap-us-united-states-iraq.html?searchResultPosition=7
 
1/14/20 https://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2020/01/15/us/politics/ap-us-united-states-iraq.html?searchResultPosition=7
  
Line 86: Line 54:
 
1/31/20
 
1/31/20
 
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/extraordinary-life-nikola-tesla-180967758/
 
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/extraordinary-life-nikola-tesla-180967758/
 +
 +
 +
 +
 +
-----
 +
 +
 +
 +
 +
 +
 +
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/artists-who-paint-with-their-feet-have-unique-brain-patterns-180974064/

Revision as of 00:58, 4 February 2020

The Concussions of Late Football Star Bubba Smith

Bubba Smith, a football star and famous actor, died in 2001 due to repeated head trauma and other health complications. In addition to head trauma, Smith also suffered from C.T.E., chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a brain disease that can cause repetitive concussions. Smith was just one of the many NFL players who have suffered from C.T.E. We have very few details about C.T.E. as scientists still have much research to conduct on it. We do know, however, that Bubba Smith’s concussions were grave enough to kill him. Football is a very dangerous sport, especially when combined with preexisting conditions such as C.T.E.

12/18/19 https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/25/sports/football/bubba-smith-cte-nfl-concussion.html?searchResultPosition=6


New Person of The Year For 2019

Climate activist, Greta Thunberg, has won Time’s person of the year of 2019. Only 16 years old, she has gotten many awards before and is popular for her motivational speeches. Greta Thunberg has inspired many people of all ages and is very proud of her work. She takes a lot of action about climate change by spreading awareness to her audience. She makes her speeches and talks inspirational and with emotion to move the listener. Greta Thunberg travels worldwide and uses her time to let people know and share her ideas. 1/3/20 https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/11/business/media/time-person-of-the-year-greta-thunberg.html?searchResultPosition=1




A Struggling Relationship.

The US military and Iraq are currently in an aggressive relationship. After the US sent an attack drone and killed Iranian General, Qassem Soleimani, Iraq immediately took that as a threat and wanted to battle. Iraq officials, however, called the US strike that killed the important figure, an unacceptable breach of Iraqi sovereignty. Both forces have been sending violent weapons to each others country and harms people in their too. Iraq and the United States have not settled down yet. 1/14/20 https://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2020/01/15/us/politics/ap-us-united-states-iraq.html?searchResultPosition=7





Marine sea animals are very interesting and have many wonders. For example, there are over 500 different species of sharks. Sharks also help out their ecosystem by keeping a balance with the other creatures. Something else unique about sharks is that their skeletons are made of cartilage. Sharks also have razor sharp teeth that helps them catch their prey. Therefore, sharks are very cool animals. 1/25/20 https://ocean.si.edu/ocean-life/sharks-rays/sharks





Successful inventor, Nikola Tesla had a very interesting life. From being dirt poor, to becoming one of the richest men in his time, he showed a great change. With the help of his inventions, Tesla thrived with famous people like Thomas Edison to help him with his projects. Tesla experienced some hardships in his life though like when his laboratory burned down along with his notes. Despite the obstacle, Nikola Tesla rose and didn't give up. His major invention was the tesla car company. 1/31/20 https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/extraordinary-life-nikola-tesla-180967758/






https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/artists-who-paint-with-their-feet-have-unique-brain-patterns-180974064/